If you will remember from yesterday’s post about how kickass my fave local band Redline Addiction is (are you following them on the Tweet yet? Liked them on Facebook? Bought their albums??? GET ON IT!)- there’s another very important part to this Challenge; the “Personal” aspect.

Personal: What three musical moments have impacted your life most?

Let’s do this.

Moment The First!

When I was still a wee Masshole in the 4th grade, I got my very first CD. I played it over and over and over and OVER until I’m sure my parents wished I’d never heard of that hot new band…

ACE OF BASE!!!!!

Not only did I have the album on repeat for the better part of 1994, my teeny bopper pals and I choreographed an entire dance routine to “The Sign”- a very, very literal one- and performed it at my elementary school’s talent show for all the world to see.

Even as a munchkin, I knew not what “embarrassment” was. And I’m about to prove that I remember every. last. move…

It was cuter when I was 10. Promise.

(The crimped hair, BoSox t-shirt, and super-flared jeans are all throw backs to my years as a 90’s kid in New England. Wicked pissah, right??)

Moment The Second!

When we made it to middle school and decided that Swedish pop bands weren’t cool enough for us anymore, my super edgy friends and I dove into the swing and ska phase that swept the nation. (I guess we weren’t so edgy after all, huh.)

I’ve always loved the old school big bands and brass boys- Glenn Miller, Duke, Dizzy, Benny Goodman, Louie Armstrong. But with the arrival of Reel Big Fish, Less Than Jake, and the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies (whose album my father refused to buy me- ha!)- my love of horns suddenly had a modern place in my life.

When The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, my MOST FAVORITE BAND EVER IN THE WORLD WORLD AT LEAST THIS MONTH ANYWAY I’M A TEENAGER AND I’M FICKLE, YO!!! came to town, I begged and begged and begged my parents to let me go to my very first concert, unsupervised, on New Year’s Eve, with a pack of 14 year olds. They said no approximately 4,389 times… and then relented just in time for a very convenient Christmas present.

We were having an okay time at the Worcester Centrum, but we wanted to get down to the floor where the actual skanking was going on! Only problem was, you needed a very fancy (read: expensive) orange wristband to do it.

So, we did what any kid would do. We bought king-sized Reese’s cups (orange!), and folded the wrappers into “bracelets.”

I don’t think we fooled the guards for one second, but they must have felt sorry for our pimply little faces, because they let us onto the floor, where we proceeded to have the Best. Night. Ever. Of our pathetic adolescent little lives, anyway.

I still have that Reese’s wrapper.

Moment The Third!

Throughout my life, whenever someone has asked me who my favorite artist of all time is, I’ve not once hesitated. It is, without question, Billy My Main Man Joel.

As long as I can remember, his songs have moved me like no one else’s. Scenes from an Italian Restaurant, She’s Always a Woman, The Entertainer, Piano Man, Captain Jack, We Didn’t Start the Fire, The Longest Time, Uptown Girl… (well, okay… ALL OF THEM, basically).

And yes, especially “Only the Good Die Young,” even though I will never forget this moment; my father and I were driving home listening to it (Hi, Dad!), and at the tender and awkward age age of 16, I proudly belted out every last word. He pulled into the driveway, stopped the car, looked at me, and said,

“Do you know what that song is about?”

OHMIGOD OHMIGOD WE ARE SO NOT HAVING THIS TALK RIGHT NOW EFFFFFF MY LIFE!!!!!!

Somehow, that moment passed without me dying. And years later, when I finally- finally- got to see my musical hero live in Madison Square Garden… that is a night I will never, ever forget.

It is, undoubtedly, one of the very biggest checks on my Bucket List.

LOVE YOU BILLY, you musical genius you!!!

Bonus Round!

I promised to RickRoll a bar if y’all got me to 3,500 followers on Twitter, and by George, you did it. So last Friday at our DC Amazeballs Happy Hour, I dragged the crew over to one of my favorite spots in town, Fado, who not only allowed us to partake, they supported me throughout with Tweets and Facebook posts. You guys are the best!

Karaoke has always been one of my favorite extracurricular activities, and the Ginger’s is often my go-to song… so in short? I’d say we rocked it.

Update: So, I just watched the Ace of Base and Rick Astley videos and succession, and I realized that my skills as a choreographer are currently EXACTLY the same as they were when I was 10.

Like the post tag says, it’s a good thing I make a mean martini. (And a mean tweet. There’s no dancing in tweeting, right, MTV?!)

Hey there, cowboy! Get ready, cause I’m about to crack an egg of knowledge all over your head.

And by “knowledge” I mean pure, unadulterated awesome.

My father is to thank for sending me this shitshow of awkward-yet-mind-blowing-hilariousity I’m about to drop on you…

It really is no surprise where I came from, is it?

Happy long weekend 4th of July, poodlekins! If that video’s not freaking American, I don’t know what is.

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Hey! Have you tweeted yet today? (If you don’t know what this is about, please to clicky here!)

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite contestant in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj

(Feel free to get creative, the above suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

The actual VOTING will start on July 7, and it will be via Facebook. (I know, the irony…) Anyway! You will only get to have to vote once, so make sure we’re Facebook friends and I’ll send ya a reminder! WOOT!!!

… is what I would name my monkey if I could get my hands on one.

Because then at least we’d HAVE some round these parts.

I’m not sure what it is lately. My own mother recently asked me if I just wasn’t writing about my life…

Or if it was just *that* boring.

(In not those exact words, perhaps, but, yanno. A daugter knows.)

The problem is, my life IS boring… boring, and simple, and drama free, and oh so goddamn CONTENT.

I have my man. My amazing friends, both near and far. A couple of furbabies that make me laugh for hours on end, a couch made for my ass to sink into, and Netflix streaming in all the watch-instantly Dexter and Friday Night Lights a girl could ever want.

Life is good.

Maybe a little *too* good… because I am stumped, people. What am I supposed to share with you? The glorious view of my cat’s butt from the couch and how happy it makes me?

Oh, shit… I already did that.

No shame. ... (Okay, a LITTLE shame.)

Of course, there was this past Saturday night, when we had to beat down some d-bag in AdMo for calling random chicks pregnant on the street, before dancing the night away with some odd ducks wearing fanny packs and fighting off the 21 year old trying- very poorly, I might add- to roofie Lexa.

Maybe my life isn’t as boring as I think…

I had a bit of an adventure yesterday.

I met a new friend for a perfectly lovely lunch, and will hopefully be building a website for her campaign next month. (Speaking of which, did you see my sugarplum Jess’ awesome new online portfolio I made for her yet? Didja? DO IT! And then hire her!)

Anyhoo. While I am rocking my new healthy diet ‘n exercise lifestyle (blech), I couldn’t turn down the sample of homemade potato chips the bartender brought over for us. Trust me, it would have been a sin to waste those puppies.

About a half an hour after getting back to my desk, I was talking to a colleague when I started choking…

and felt my throat start to close up.

Now, I have never been allergic to a thing in my life. Maybe some sniffles in the Spring, but an actual hives/itching/choking sort of allergy? Never. So, I was a wee bit terrified.

We’re fortunate enough to have a clinic at my job, so when the half-closed throat sensation didn’t go away, I headed over.

After waiting for a half an hour and not dying, I decided perhaps I had developed a very sudden and severe case of strep, rather than a life-threatening allergy. A clearly inexperienced but very sweet nurse finally called me in and took my vitals.

“It’s a good thing you came in!” She said. “I’ve seen strep cases come on so suddenly.” She took blood pressure, temperature, felt my glands, peered down my throat and in my ears, but couldn’t see anything noticeably wrong, so she called in the wizened old nurse practitioner to give me a look.

“It’s just very strange,” I was saying. “I haven’t had strep in years, and I’ve never been allergic to a thing in my life!”

“Well, our bodies change, dear,” Inexperienced-Yet-Sweet Nurse patted my hand, as her veteran colleague entered the room. Without looking up from my folder, this was the first thing she said:

“So, did you have anything sharp at lunch today? Potato chips, perhaps?”

I blinked. “Um, I did, actually… OHHHHhhhhhhhhhh.” I began laughing as the truth sunk in.

“I cut myself on a potato chip, didn’t I?”

She peered down my throat.

“Looks that way. Here. Have a swig of Maalox and drink some fluids. I think you’ll pull through this one.”

Tail between my legs, I slunk out of the clinic and back to my desk, where I had to share my diagnosis with my colleague.

“Apparently, this whole “extreme workout” thing is getting out of hand. Even the way I EAT is extreme now… I don’t even chew!”

Sigh.

And now, to distract you from my idiocy, I give you…

Taylor Lautner looks like a llama.

Sorry, Maxie. But he really, really does.

 Happy Tuesday. Eat safely out there, kiddos… only you can prevent potato-chip throat injuries.

The videos that made me happy in my pants this week.

This is bootleg, BUT SO WORTH IT. From Tosh.O last night…

Next up, this one is… decent. But it was really B’s commentary after he showed it to me that made it:

me: weak
B: i liked it.
me: it’s the same thing for a whole minute!
B: yeah, but its a dog. on a trampoline.
      dog + trampoline = smile.

So, I one-upped him with this gem CarissaJaded sent me. WIN.

Also? We’ve decided we need some balloons in our apartment, STAT.

And finally, by now we’ve all seen the “Epic Oakland Bus Fight: White vs. Black,” yes?

But you probably haven’t seen this…

Happy Friday!

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P.S. Ollie’s Place, a NYC no-kill animal shelter, is going through a rough time financially. If you can spare even a few dollars, every little bit helps! Do it for the furbabies! Donate here.

Thoughts and tidbits from my “draft ideas” folder that never quite made it into posts, but are rather entertaining all on their lonesome (says me):

1. (Inspired by Avatar): I really wish evolution hadn’t done away with our tails. How much fun would that be? What a great conversational starter in bars! The physical comedy possibilities alone are ENDLESS.

2. Every time someone farts in bed (not ME, of course, I would never), I think about the scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams tells the story of the time his wife farted so loud she woke herself up and asked, “What was that??”

3. A delightful observation Foilwoman had over drinks a few weeks ago: twittering a conversation between two people- “Hey, I’ll be there in five minutes! Order me a beer!” “Okay, I’m to the left of the bar! I might order some chicken fingers!”- is the equivalent of talking really, really loudly on the metro. Whether it’s to a friend or (even more annoying) on the phone, we can alllllllllllll hear you. And, yanno… WE’D RATHER NOT.

4. Sometimes, I wish I was a more organized person. But I’ve decided that A) it’s part of my charm, and B) what the hell would y’all read about?

5. I quite often have visions of really odd things I would love to spring on people, just to see what they do. For instance, I have this recurring daydream where, during the groggy-ass morning bus commute when everyone looks like they want to kill themselves… I suddenly BLAST Lady’s Gaga’s “Just Dance” at top volume and boogie my heart out. How many people would join me in a gigantic, unprecedented dance party? (How many would call the police?)

6. I believe that dressing a man- (helping him with his cufflinks, straightening his tie)- is even hotter than undressing him… when you love him.

7. Speaking of undressing, I have a tendency to start to undress as I’m walking into the bathroom stall. You know, at work. This is absolutely going to get me in trouble one of these days… yet I do it anyway.

8. Whenever I leave a totally sappy, not-at-all-funny comment on someone’s blog, I’m always afraid Maxie will stumble on it and make fun of me. (Ed. note: Because I totally would do it to her, too.)

9. If someone took a movie of me watching a movie, it would probably be the greatest youtube video EVER. Even in the theater, my face is throughout a ridiculous overdramatized reaction to whatever’s happening on screen. I am also not allowed to have a wine glass in hand when “scary parts” come on. (“Scary parts” range from a slasher/babysitting movie to any time things get a little too tense in a Pixar flick.)

ZOMG watch out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. (Seeing as it’s Wednesday and all)… Would you rather have your partner cheat on you with a member of the same sex, or of the opposite? (This question brought to you by a friend far, far away that none of you know who caught her fiancé… well, um. NOT with a woman, but definitely cheating.)

Recently, I’ve been getting a lot of emails about finding one’s “voice,” a la blog.

(At least, I hope y’all meant blogs… I can’t help you with your press releases and such. I before e, mofos.)

Anyhoo, they send me these emails because- get this- they seem to think I’ve found MINE.

I know. I know.

And every time I get one of those, it sort of takes me aback. “Did they send this to the right person… Do they really mean MY little mess of a corner?”

This is all a bit odd for me. Now, I don’t deny that I am- currently- one big bag of personality. For better or for worse, ya love me or hate me. Holy Hell… I’ve become a Kardashian!!

But, my dear friends, and you knew there was a “but”… ’twas not always this way.

{insert shimmery “Saved by the Bell”-style fade out to a time long ago…}

dee dee dee dee, dee dee dee dee… okay I’m done.

Confession: When I was in 7th grade, I used to lock myself in closets and cry, because I thought I was so…

wait for it…

BORING.

(Sidebar: Sorry for that time at Steve’s house when you all really thought I was dead, Mom. I think I fell asleep. They must use fancy fabric softener or something.)

You see, I was part of a group… and we had the “funny” friend. The “tomboy” friend. The “boy-crazy” one, the “good-at-sports” one and the “smart” one.

And none of them were me.

I couldn’t figure out where I fit in. I was like a gay boy at a Texan high school with no musical theater program through which to find my true calling.

To be fair, this was also SEVENTH GRADE, when I’m pretty sure everyone and their mom felt like that. Or at least felt shitty about themselves in some way. Maybe you should all send me junior high pictures of yourselves so I feel better. Please?

God, this is turning into a therapy session. Okay, out of the Trust Tree and back into the real world. (Just not Real World DC. They really are boring.) The point is, eventually I found my goddamn voice or personality or chi or whatever the fuck you want to call it. And it took three things…

1. Time. As in growing up (and into my big ole nose) and all that.
2. Taking risks, like moving to the south, or getting a Brazilian. And lastly,
3. Putting myself out there. NOT IN THE SEXY WAY, you pervs. Like, metaphorically, and shit.

What do those three things add up to? That’s right, class. Say it with me: EXPERIENCE.

And so it shall be with your blog. There’s no escaping it- it won’t take off if you huddle in your corner of the interwebs wondering if anyone will notice you, crying in your e-closet. And Steve’s mom won’t be there to eventually find you, dry your eyes, give you a cookie, and call your mom to come get her bag of crazy-ass daughter.

Write. Write well, and openly, and as often as you can. Every time you hit “publish” your voice will become stronger, your direction more apparent. But that, of course, is only half of it.

GET OUT THERE. Think of the blogosphere as one big dating field. How will anyone know you exist if you don’t say “hi”? Then maybe they see your comment and come over, they say hi too… oh look, you even have stuff in common! Let me take you out for an e-drink, i.e. give you an “award” or tag you in a meme or add you to my blogroll, and then other people e-meet you too, and so on and so forth!

The fantastic difference between dating and blogging is you can connect with as many people as you want. Um, I think I just compared blogging to polygamy… hmm. Well, how bout we just don’t tell B about that handie you’re giving me under the e-table and leave it at that?

Anyhoo, I think this place is kind of great. And if you think so too, and you want to be a part of it… make yourself heard. With time, your voice will develop, and who knows… you might just find the Zach to your Slater out here.

I’m going to busy slaving away on a few lovely e-things for my dear friends cavy and Lizzy Marie today, but I did want to share a few v-gems with you.

I went hunting for my Flip on Sunday, as I will need it for a very special project tomorrow evening-

{{{Sidebar: Going to be in DC tomorrow? Want to be part of something amazing?? Shoot me a message on Twitter or email me!}}}

-and imagine my surprise when I discovered, oh, 20 random videos on the camera that I barely remembered taking.

LE AWESOME.

First came, oh, ten ridiculous memories from the Holiday Happy Hour. I, of course, brought my singing Christmas hat with me. And then decided that this would be the best way to utilize it:

Next I decided to document an oh so rare moment in time- an absolute unicorn in manhood practices, if you will…

And finally, this absolute golden nugget must have come from a drunken night on the couch at home. If you’re not familiar with Step Up 2: The Streets, it is a moving and enriching film involving the following plot: “Romantic sparks occur between two dance students from different backgrounds at the Maryland School of the Arts.”

And… yeah. That’s basically all you need to know. Enjoy.

By the by, tomorrow will be another installment of TMI Thursday: “Post Secret” Edition! Send ‘em in now if you want to be in there tomorrow…

Ever since Maxie showed me this, I have been unable to stop watching it.

(If I turn up dead? B killed me, and this video is why.)

*giggles uncontrollably*

No? Just me?

Sigh. It’s hard being weird sometimes.

…is, apparently, to violently accost your friends’ and families mailboxes with an atrocity like this.

That. Just. HAPPENED.

The thing is, while hopefully this holiday abomination brought a smile to their faces, it in no way captured the journey that was this photo shoot. So now, I share this with the world…

I call it, “2 Cats 1 VeryCertainDeathofTheirOwners”.

Now, if someone could just tell me how the hell to top this next year, I would be eternally grateful.

(The cats, however, would not.)

Happy Holidays!

One of the reasons- the main one, most likely- that I feel like I relate to so many of you, IMHO, is because I unabashedly share every teeny, tiny, weird little oddity from all the quirky corners of my personality… and you probably relate to at least ONE of those. I’m winning you over with a numbers game of weirdness!! *evil cackle*

Ahem. Anytwaffle, one of my strange and nonsensical hobbies is, (somewhat ironically,) that I actually keep a running record of all the less-than-normal *coughbatshitcrazycough* things I do. Seriously, whenever I do something and worry about how it would look if someone saw me/heard me/knew WHY I was doing it, I immediately think, “I should probably share that with the whole internet.”

So here we have it, folks. A collective running list of all the things I do that make me weirder than your average bear, purely for your enjoyment.

You’re WELCOME.

LiLu-isms, (For Only Me) To Live By…

I have a secret ‘code of conduct’ rule with myself on airplanes: I only put my seat back if the person directly in front of me does. Addendum: Or if the person behind me is especially obnoxious…

I absolutely DESPISE inner ear headphones. Can. Not. Do it. They hurt, they fall out, they just don’t fit… twss. Give me the big, klonky, nerdy “might as well be earmuffs” headphones any day.

I may or may not enjoy Christmas music year round. (Again, thank goodness for said enormous headphones… and personal iPods.)

I unabashedly love country music. And, I’m not even gonna justify by saying only I only listen to GOOD country, either, like Johnny Cash… nothing makes me happier than road tripping with my Carolina girl Kbo, belting out Trace Adkins’ “Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk“. DEAL WITH IT.

I have, have HAVE to brush my teeth before getting into the shower. There can be no exceptions. (This was never a problem before my cats got so damn sinky!)

Every. Goddamn. MORNING!

I cannot stand having multiple browser windows open. I would rather have 4,000 tabs open at once than two windows. Must. See. EVERYTHING at once!

Sometimes I leave corny comments on people’s posts when they’re of a serious subject matter, or I’m just not sure what to say. I then live in fear that Maxie will somehow see it and mercilessly make fun of me for it.

I get really, really excited whenever I make pasta and discover that I put in JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT of water when I add the noodles.

Speaking of my love for country music, I have to listen to Garth Brooks’ “Callin’ Baton Rouge” at least once every time I work out. I don’t know. It has a good beat!

Stop looking at me that way! We can still be friends, right? It’s not like I hate babies, or anything…

Oh.

Or at least of things that make me laugh. Please to enjoy… all the videos that Maxie and I decided were hilarious last week.

You’ve probably seen these before, but they never cease to make me giggle…

For the Always Sunny lovers out there… (did you know there’s a special CHRISTMAS video out?!?)

This gem is from my dear friend FattyLumpa, who knew I would appreciate it, as I am well versed in the Stankiness of Leggs myself…

And last but not least, Maxie and I have decided this shall be our next music video…

ROCK.

Miss you guys!

Few can deny the succulence of the potato. Its many and varied forms, as well as its ability to grow in nearly almost any terrain and weather, make it one of the most commonly shared menu items cross-culturally. Its diversity is undeniable; its utter deliciosity difficult- nay, impossible to argue.

Be it mashed, fried, baked, homefried, hashbrowned, scalloped, cheese-i-fied, casseroled, McDonalds’d, or even vodka’d… the potato is a marvelous and majestic creature in any form.

There is one special hat the potato wears, however… one that a person of any age can appreciate, be it your first encounter with said unique form, or if it brings back the strongest sense of nostalgia for lunch ladies in hairnets doling out healthy portions of sloppy joe, or the joy that was the realization of the ever exciting “chicken patty day”.

I speak of course, my friends, of the potato’s most original and crispiest shape…

The Mighty Tater Tot.

I weep for the child who might live out his or her school days with nary a taste of this gem among lunch sidedishes. No one denies the revered deliciousness of the French Fry; truly, these are simply apples and oranges that happen to share the same “roots”. They are, if you will, the original two “brothers from another mother”.

But the French Fry is an everyday occurrence; we expect it to pop in and say hello. The Tater Tot is an unexpected delight when it appears, like a proud son coming home from war. We are at once overjoyed at its presence and relieved to know that despite our underlying fear of its disappearance from our lives forever, the Tot does indeed live on.

As a tribute to the great Tot, with its endless crisp and unparalleled ability to comfort even the most heavyhearted of souls, I hereby humbly submit to the District of Columbia a self-created map of all the saintly bars and restaurants who are smart enough to carry this magnificent creature on their menus. No longer will it be a shiny unicorn eluding us at every turn! We can now seek it out on those hungover Sunday mornings, and plan our Happy Hours around its holy presence.

I give you, dear friends…

The Map of The Great Tot.

Click to enlarge (twss)

 1. Tonic, Mt. Pleasant                              6.   Hamilton’s

  2. Tonic, Foggy Bottom                           7.   Sticky Rice

3. Bourbon                                                    8.   Bar Louie

       4. The Bottom Line                                    9.   Solly’s Tavern

            5. BLT Steakhouse                                     10.  Duffy’s Irish Pub

For those of you not in D.C., my deepest apologies that your hunt for Tatery Tot goodness must go on. But I urge you to take initiative, and help your fellow townsmen and women, so that they too might be able to enjoy the elusive yet most magical form of potato… whenever their hearts desire.

Last week, my dear friend Marissa- who is in CHILE, mind you- took time out of her vacation to email me this, with the following message…

“Of all the people I know or e-know in the world, I thought of you and your blog when I first saw this.”

I have never, ever been so proud.

I want to write a recap. I really, really do.

But honestly… there is just no way I could EVER do this weekend justice. It would be impossible to truly capture. But, for you… I’m going to try.

Use your words…

My favoritest things about this past weekend, a la bullets.

• Maxie admitting she likes 30 Rock.
• All 50 of us bursting into song at Stetson’s. “You say she’s just a friend, but you say she’s just a friend OH BABY YOU!!!!!!!!”
• Actually, all of us bursting into song all weekend long.
• Finally at long last convincing f.B and B to perform “Ebony and Ivory” at karaoke. And by “convincing” I mean “writing their names on the list so they had no choice in the matter”.
• Meeting all the people I’d never groped in person before.
• Stealth-salting everything and everyone in sight.
• Someone shouting “INTERVENTION!!!!!!!!” every 30 seconds.
• Lexa going rampant on people’s heinies all Saturday.
• Much needed brunches and bacon Bloody Marys at Matchbox and Bar Pilar, with a side of laughing so hard it hurt… the entire time.
• Getting awesome and hilarious presents like a pictoral collection of cats wearing wigs, children’s Pooping Instructional books, a penis ice luge, “dirty” Mad Libs, Firefly sweet tea vodka, a pet Snuggie (box altered a la Sharpie to be for a cat instead of dog), a plastic guitar I can drink out of, engraved goblets with our wedding date, some Spanish pornos, an “I Love Jesus” shot glass, some Flava Flav-esque bling, and way, WAY too many vodka and sodas.
• The bartender’s t-shirt at Stetson’s that said “I heart peeing”.
• B treating me like a pretty, pretty princess on my birthday weekend.
• Not vomiting once. (Well, at least not until MONDAY morning… it counts!)
• The sombrero that mysteriously appeared and danced its way over the heads of all #pbandtuna participants.
• Epic dance offs all over the goshdarn place.
• Little lip-liner hearts appearing on people’s chesticles throughout the evening.
• Me going absolutely POSTAL on a strange man who tried to kiss me and pretty much every girl there… and terrifying him to the point that he actually left the bar within about 10 seconds. Do not fuck with me on my special day, Creepy McCreeperson. YOU WILL LOSE.

Our fabulous wedding guests were…

(I hope to Chuck Norris I am not leaving anyone out. PLEASE let me know if I do and I will fix and give you a free dumpster baby or a Tootsie Roll pop or something as reparations.)

12 Minds, A, Alice, anoukange, B, Cavy, Cleveland’s A Plum, Deutlich, dmb5_ libra, DMBosstone, Dysfunction Junction, f.B, flippy, Ginger Mandy, jenniferalaine, JerzeyGrrl, JP, Just A Girl, KassyK, Katertot, Katie Rose, Late- Night Drama Queen, Lemmonex, Lusty Reader, M (Only One Way Down), Malnurtured Snay, Marie, Maxie, Mr. 5280, Pithy Comments, PQ, Rachel Smiles, Restaurant Refugee, Shine Out Loud, Suburban Sweetheart, thebestmichelle, Urban Bohemian,and last but certainly not least, What A Grand World. 

I could not have asked for a better group of people, for reals. And so, as a very special (shameful) treat, I’ve decided to make your ears bleed with a video of the song I serenaded my fiancee with at karaoke on Friday night… there are no words. Please to enjoy.

I’m so ashamed, yet strangely proud… how is that possible?

PB and Tuna is obviously going to be a recurring event. How could we not, after its complete and utter awesome-icity?

Pencil in your calendars, folks. October 23rd, 2010… it’s all going down, AGAIN.

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***

<a href="http://www.livitluvit.com/category/tmi-thursday" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/tmithursday.jpg" border="0" alt="TMI Thursday" /></a>

Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…

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All right, lovahs. Just an FYI… this one even makes ME want to barf in my corn flakes. If you have a weak stomach with bathroom stuff, skip.

Oh, and, um… if you were at my housewarming, you might want to skip, too.

Love you guys!

Okay! So, a few Fridays ago, B and I had our tame, quiet little wine and cheese “Welcome to Our New Abode” shindig, right? And it was all classy and lovely and there was definitely no piñatas or shotgunning of beers in a bathtub. That would be ridiculous… I’m a grown up, remember?

So, anyhoo, I had that day off from work, which was great for preparation purposes. I’d done all the shopping and cleaning and time was ticking down. All I had left to do was make two enormous pans of baked ziti, with the hopes that they would keep everyone from passing out before midnight.

(Shut up, ALL OF YOU. I made it until 12:15 before crashing out on Katierose’s sweet, sweet bosom.)

Anyboob.

I was about to head to the kitchen and get cracking, like any good domesticated woman, when I felt the distinct ass-rumblings of That Which Will Not Wait. Well, fine, right? For once I’m in my own home and not stuck at the office with my boss in the stall next to me, or walking home through my old shady neighborhood.

So I TCOB’d it, obvy, and flush the nasty down to the bowls of hell, where it hopefully landed on Chumbawumba’s head.

Wait, they’re not dead? Oh.

My statement stands.

Except it didn’t go down… it came swirling back up.

Like, AT MY FACE AND STUFF.

I stared in horror, mouth agape like the mouth breather on your morning bus commute. As it neared the top, I finally kicked into action and reached for the plunger…

That we didn’t have. Because we’d just moved in and all, and even though we had made approximately 15 trips to Target since for super important things like cat outfits and pot holders, apparently “items that will keep your apartment from overflowing with shit” just didn’t make the list.

By the grace of Chuck Norris, the water came to a slow and threatening stop just before the point of overflow. An orgasmic rush of relief washed over me, but the gravity of the situation remained apparent… I had an apartment with ONE CLOGGED TOILET… And 40 people were about to descend on the place to eat, drink and be merry.

I considered my options. Realistically, I was already behind schedule and there was no time to go hunting for a plunger. We hadn’t met any of the neighbors yet and giving them information about my bowel movements was not the way I wanted to start off. For once, I begged the cats to play in the toilet instead of pulling them away from it in horror, but they are wily creatures and would have none of it, choosing instead to mock me from their perch on the tub.

I knew what I had to do. I could see the wad of TP, drifting back and forth like a piece of icky seaweed.

I rolled up my sleeve, let out a whimper, took a deep breath, and reached into the belly of the beast.

YOIIIIIIIINK!!!!!

With an admissive groan of defeat, the beast gave way, and its innards quickly began draining away.

Too ashamed to even celebrate, I scrubbed my hands like I was a Soprano who’d just sent someone to sleep with the fishes.

And in a way… I had.

Other awesomely bad TMI Thursdays this week…

(Oh, and FYI? Next week I’m going to post a bunch that you’ve all sent to me but are too ashamed to post on your own site. So if you’ve got one, now’s the time! heylivitluvit at gmail dot com.)

jenniferalaine’s tmi thursday: the butterfly effect.

Mb’s Knock a little louder next time

Spleen’s TMI Thursday: nudity, body parts, fat, spleens, and vomit

the iNDefatigable mjenks’ TMI Thursday: Terrible Date POV

Insomniac Lolita’s TMI Thursday : Smell Test

Sebastian’s Sebby, international man of mystery… yeah baby, YEAH!

mylittlebecky’s teee eeem eeeeeeye! yeah, bitchezzzz

Travis’ TMI Thursday: Yes, I HAVE Checked Myself For A Hernia.

Cassie’s TMI Thursday: A weekend with the girls…

Ed’s TMI Thursday: Amy G’s First Time….

That Kind of Girl’s The Kind of Girl Who … gives up her seat car, but may smear you with bodily fluids in the process (a tiny dash of TMI Thursday)

Daffy’s TMI Thursday – Work It Girl

shine’s TMI Thursday – But she can’t use tampons…

Carissa Jade’s TMI Thursday: A Fairy Tail ending

becky on Jill Pilgim’s becky is so good at back rubs that if jesus were to give back rubs he would have to take lessons from becky because she’s better than jesus at back rubs

Sean’s TMI Thursday: Strip Club Story

Big Sis’ TMI Thursday Nuggets

Ms. Terri’s Losing it (sort of)

Hillbilly Duhn’s My Panty & Super Hero Obsession – TMIT

Kendall’s TMI Thursday: Your Childhood? Ruined FOREVER

Just A Girl’s TMI Thursday: Again? You have to be fucking kidding me…

Nikolett’s TMI Thursday: Carbs, Carbs, Carbs

Jeney’s TMI Thursday – My First Period

verybadcat’s TMI Thursday: Grape Nuts Kitty Litter

Lucy’s TMI:Fast Food & Political Affairs

bing’s TMI Thursday: Drop it on the shelf

long red cape’s TMI Thursday: Things About Flatulence

The Bare Essentials’ TMI Thursday – Here’s the story, of a lovely lady, who refused to pop her boyfriends cyst with a pin.

Tricia’s TMI Thursday: Morning Snack

Karilynn’s TMI Thursday – I didn’t wake up

LEBOMBED1’s Popping my TMIT cherry….

Ex Hot Girl’s TMI Thursday: I’m gonna chew on your armpit.

For this “Shiz My Friends Say,” I will be highlighting the Gchats I’ve had recently with Miss Lemmonex and Miss (soon-to-be-Mrs.) Maxie. Mostly because we chat for 7.5 hours every work day, and when you have absolutely no lines you won’t cross, well… things get interesting. (Past SMFS here, past Shiz My Boyfriend Says here.)

Let me show you it.

me: On Friday 
   I am not leaving my couch for anything
   I’m going to set up a beer cooler and a bed pan
   Yell “It’s open!” to the delivery guy
   Not apologize for the lack of bra
   And just bask in it
Lexa: hahah
   please do
   you can twitter me and maxie
me: Oh I will
   I’ll twit pic the hell out of it
Lexa: just not the bed pan pls
me: Oh it’s gonna be there
    But I’ll try to keep it out of the pic
   Just for you
Lexa: thats friendship

Maxie: I can’t wait till you see my makeup
   My eyeliner is out of control
me: hahaha
   i haven’t shaved since wednesday morning
   my vag is out of control
   tmi?
Maxie: Haha never
   I cut my taint shaving last night
me: okay cavy

Lexa: my mom calls nipples ditters
   its weird
   i just thought of that
 me: HAHAHA
 Lexa: i remember being like 12
   when she said it
    i was wearing a white unitardy shirt
 me: it’s like a hoo-ha
 Lexa: lexa, i can see your ditters
 me: omg.
 Lexa: EWWW
 me: i just died. DIED.
 Lexa: i am loling
 me: hahahaha
 Lexa: dittterrrr
  AGH
 me: now i keep thinking of little mosquito bite nipples
   and then i feel like a pedophile
   THANKS LEX

Maxie: i just answered the phone and it was the governor
   random
 me: hahaha
 Maxie: i didn’t know they used phones
 me: i know
   don’t they have “people” for that
 Maxie: exactly
  he must be in the bathroom or something
 me: haha
  the kids don’t drop themselves off at the pool
  actually, he probably has people for that too
 Maxie: or he just gets a colonic every day
 me: exactly
  that way he doesn’t have to push
  and can play sudoku at the same time
 Maxie: i’d miss the pushing

me: http://steammeupkid.blogspot.com/2009/09/connecting-with-your-blog-readers-alt.html
  she is seriously one of my favorite funny bloggers
 Lexa: lemme look
   fuck you
   i loled
  you are gonna get my ass fired
 me: hahaha why
  oh
  “raped”
  right
 Lexa: ha
 me: details.

Happy Humpday, my lovelies. Consider this your public service announcement to not say “rape” at work.

Well, unless someone’s raping you.

Then I’m pretty sure it’s okay. You better check with HR.

So. I had a positively scrumptious time this weekend in Beantown.

OBVIOUSLY.

And I am A) exhausted from the funsies and B) get to spend the day packing!!! Which, to B, means desperately trying to throw away sort through all of “my junk”.

Communist.

I wish I could put a camera up in the apartment for the day… this shiz ain’t gonna be pretty.

So for yous guyses, this means you get some pretty, pretty highlights. (Don’t worry, they’re the very expensive kind done by a professional gay man- no brassiness here!)

The scene: Dinner with my parents, B, my Lil Sis, and her boyfriend on Friday night. Fun fact: Lil Sis has been aching for a dog for months now, and had planned on getting one when she moves in with her bf in a month.

The highlight:

Mom: So what kind of dog do you want, Lil Sis?

Lil Sis: (As her face falls) We’re not allowed to have one at the new apartment.

Mom: Awwwww, so you’re not getting a puppy?

Lil Sis: No. YOU were the one who told me NOT to!

Mom: Well, no, you shouldn’t. It’s expensive and a lot of responsibility. But… puppy…

Lil Sis: Unbelievable.

LiLu: Oh, come on. It’s just like if your 16 year old daughter gets knocked up! You don’t WANT it to happen… but once the baby’s here, you’re still going to love it!

*crickets*

My poor family.

The scene: Meeting up with Boston’s most fabulous bloggers (and a few other travelers as well) at The Globe Bar for drunkety times. The crew: (if I forgot you, please to forgive, and let me know! It is so very early…) My lovely Julie, brookem, Pilgrim Jill, Hannah, Julie Q, Susan, Emrlds, Alana, A Super Girl, and in some cases, their justly terrified boyfriends, made it the best time any blogger could ask for.

The highlight: Jill Pilgrim double dog daring me to offer Susan’s virginity to a random guy hitting on her for the price of three goats. Which, obviously, I did in approximately 2.5 seconds… at which point we found out it was a friend of hers, and now we had to hang out with him for the rest of the night and be “Those Weird Girls” all evening.

Whatevs. The shoe fits.

Also? All of this happened.

Pretending to be classy. What?

You can’t see that I’m grabbing Jill’s bum.

In a word: FINALLY!!! <3

There is some hate sex in here.

Gawd, I love this woman. ALLLLL of her, apparently…

Tiger hands for Maxie!

Why I oughta…

We bloggers get friendly quick.

The boys entertained themselves just fine…

Sure. I mean, clearly.

Hiccups are a BITCH, yo.

Love you hookers.

Yeah. So. The awesomest of AWESOME. And that is all I have to say about that.

Except get all your asses down to DC so we can do it again soon. LUFF YOU BISHES!!!!!!

The scene: B’s sister getting mawwied!

The highlight: Everything. Jewish weddings are so much more fun! There was breaking of stuff, chairs in the air, a dancing train through the entire room, and incredible view, and a few speeches that even moved my cold dead hooker heart.

A sample from the mother of the groom’s toast:

“When my boys were little, I always changed the descriptions of the princesses in fairytales to say “kind” and “intelligent” instead of “beautiful”. I am so incredibly glad that my son has chosen to share his life with a woman who is kind and intelligent… as well as beautiful.”

*cue heartwrench*

All in all? Best. Weekend. Ever.

And now, we pack…

Sigh.

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Mama Bear, just a heads up? You should really, REALLY skip Thursdays. And don’t ever click that TMI Thursday button. For reals. I say this for your sake… not mine.

The scenario: LiLu spends last Friday at home on her couch all day.

Warning: This is what happens when you g-chat with me. Sorry for making you relive this, DC Princess…

Don’t worry… I feel better now. In fact, I feel so much better that I broke my vow of not GUEST POSTING for Miss Elizabeth Marie (a friend in need and all that crap…) Check it out here.

Happy TMI Thursday!!

Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…

Pilgrim Jill’s Its Stuff Like This That Will Forever Change Your Opinion of Vaginas

Maxie’s TMI Thursday: Why Is That In There

Wicked Courtni’s TMIThursday: A Vat of … Vomit?

PinkNic’s Contains Adult Content!

DC Princess’ TMI Thursday: Mr. Stumpy

shine’s TMI Thursday – Now I can cross threesome off my list

Taylor’s TMI Thursday: Sex Dreams

Zan’s TMI Thursday: Belly Bloopers

jenniferalaine’s tmi thursday: the dirtiest clean.

mylittlebecky’s weeeeeeeeeeeeee! (tmit)

Big Sis’ TMI Thursday: Wild and Kinky Sex?

Cassie’s TMI Thursday: A Puking Story

iNDefatigable mjenks’ TMI Thursday: My First Time

Stephanie’s TMI Thursday

Sean’s TMI Thursday: New Dishwasher

Racquel Valencia’s TMI Thursday: When The Moon Hits Your Eye With A Big UTI…

Random Musings’ TMI Thursday: Why Aren’t We Friends???

ClaireMontgomeryMD’s tmi thursday: don’t sweat it

JFo’s TMI Thursday: Useless Superpower

Jeff’s Big Steps

Vittoria’s TMI Thursday: there’s a reason they’re named after Stong Island

Colby’s TMI Thursday: My body is rejecting its host

bing’s TMI Thursday: What goes down, may come up

verybadcat’s TMI Thursday: In Which I Discover FWB

shine’s TMI Thursday – Sometimes it just ain’t pretty

spleeness’ TMI Thursday: a bunch of old diary entries

Lisa’s TMI Thursday: Piggy button edition.

Lucy’s TMI: Thursday: My First Cellphone, My Mother and a Wine Tasting.

Alice’s TMI Thursday – thanks, textsfromlastnight.com!

ikss’ pre-coitus interruptus maximus irritatingus

Lindsay’s TMI Thursday: *chuckle chuckle chuckle RUN*

brian b’s TMI Thursday #1: I Walked Alone

So…

I love you guys. No, really. You were absolutely amazing yesterday- I can’t thank you enough for all your words and support. It felt like one Southern gramma big bear hug, and I honestly can’t find to tell you how grateful I am to have all of you, and this little world.

One comment in particular brought a little “No I am NOT crying I was just cutting onions!!!” to my eye… maybe because clairemontgomerymd is a mama, (btw- read my favorite “Mary” story of hers here, it is PRICELESS), but also because she just put this whole bloggysphere thing we have going on into words so damn perfectly. Check it out:

dear mrs. lilu,
blogging is kind of like one big never-ending cyber-slumber party. we’re all playing extreme truth or dare while we laugh and cry together but when asked what we’re doing, the answer is always ‘nothing’. eavesdrop a little, but turn away with a knowing grin that we’re all going to be alright. especially lilu. your daughter rocks. she makes a lot of people’s days much brighter. she’s genuine and brilliant. you’ve done raised her right. we love her and we love you for sharing with us your baby girl. now wipe your tears and make her buy you something pretty for being the best mom ever! seriously – take advantage of this opportunity.

See? SEE??? Isn’t your heart, like, a whole lot warmer now??

*sigh of contentment*

All right, now that that’s over, let’s get on with the gross stuff! (Sorry, mamakins)…

But it is my girl Maxie’s Would You Rather Wednesday!

So, would you rather…

A)  Get caught masturbating by (on) your friend’s mom…

Grandma’s Boy – More amazing video clips are a click away

or…

B)  Catch one of your PARENTS masturbating? [video clip redacted for all of our sanity]

Think about that…

Hate me yet? xoxo

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Housekeeping: Maxie and I have had to change the date of our wedding, due to the fact that I am an idiot and double-booked a weekend.

All my best friends are SHOCKED right now, let me tell you… this is their surprised face:

Anyhoosits, the festivities will now be on Saturday, the 17th of October, rather than the 24th. Everything else shall remain the same. Except that you have one week less to buy us shit that we will then have to incorporate into the ceremony somehow.

Just kidding.

Maybe.