(FYI? This was entirely out of the blue, around 3pm yesterday. We had not spoken all day.)

Lil Sis: OMG I was just in the work kitchen for like 5 minutes, and I just sat back at my desk, looked down, and I had gotten like a gallon of sauce on my khaki pants.
      Now that I’ve washed most of it off, I of course look like I peed myself.

Me: *dying laughing* You are SO my sister.

Lil Sis: I still have a suspicious orangey patch. I can’t wait to go home where I don’t have to be hampered by all these clothes!

Me: Omg stop, you are making me laugh OUT LOUD. … (That’s “lol” if you’re a cool kid.)

Lil Sis: LOL I HATE CLOTHES THEY ARE TOO MUCH WORK

Me: I go through this every morning. If I didn’t have to dress myself every day, my life would improve by 50% betterness. Fact.

Lil Sis: I can handle shirts.

Me: See, I’m a dress girl. It’s the onesie for adults.

Lil Sis: I just don’t understand why there are any situations in life where jeans aren’t appropriate!

Me: Agreed. It’s 2010 people! Obama’s getting rid of the tie, for God’s sake, let’s GET RID OF THE PANT.

Lil Sis: Well first of all, if I wear a dress there’s no place to clip my badge so I’ll be getting locked out all day.

Me: I just make a place- bunch a little bit of it. It’s extra sexy.

Lil Sis: But most importantly, to wear a dress I have to have freshly-shaven legs. And that’s more work than clean pants!

Me: Says who? No one really looks. You just can’t go out in the sunshine. Vampire ftw!

Lil Sis: Says my white skin and dark brown hair. This is why jeans are heaven… never wrinkled, never look dirty, no exposure. Mmmmmmmmm jeans.

Me: I’m with ya. Preaching to the choir here. … Except that it’s been 100 degrees for a month.

Lil Sis: Well, clearly clothes are the devil.

Me: With that, sweet sister, I concur.

Just another Xmas in the LiLu household.*

*Disclaimer: My sister is insisting I inform you that these sweaters were donned ironically. Well, DUH.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey! Have you tweeted yet today? (If you don’t know what this is about, please to clicky here!)

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite contestant in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj

(Feel free to get creative, the above suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

The actual VOTING will start on July 7, and it will be via Facebook. (I know, the irony…) Anyway! You will only get to have to vote once, so make sure we’re Facebook friends and I’ll send ya a reminder! WOOT!!!

~So. Remember that time I promise you an amazing surprise today? Um, well…

I lied.

Not on purpose, trust- no one is more disappointed than me that we have to wait… but it’s only a couple days, chickadees. I promise by the end of this week, you shall be privy to my fantabulous news… 

*cue suspenseful music, slash, me feeling like a total ahole* ~

Anyway, back to our regular programming for the time being…

You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

B’s friend K is over and showing us his stylish new glasses, or as he calls them, his “FIRIN’ GLASSES.”

Firin' glasses.

K: Do you guys have glasses?

B: Yeah, I had glasses once. But then I lost them so I never got them again. They make your eyes weaker. Fuck that noise. I’m a MAN!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I’ve mentioned, this Friday is our two-year anniversary. My present for B is stashed in my closet, but his present for me hasn’t come yet. Not being someone who can ever wait for anything, I’ve been begging him to let me give him his since it arrived…

Me: Pleeeeeeeeeease can I give you your present?

B: No!

*We’re watching Tosh.0, as they feature a video mocking homeless people*

B: Did you get me a homeless person?

Me: No, but that’d be AWESOME. Then we’d have a dishwasher!!!

I know. So wrong. Blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A smelly B arrives home from his soccer game, and I have a flashback to the last time he came home, which somehow resulted in his vile soccer socks being draped over my (yes, still unpacked) luggage bag from Vegas.

Me: Don’t you put your dirty soccer socks on my suitcase this time!!!

B: *shrugs* I can’t help it, baby, that’s the Drying Place!

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Trying to find a new show on Netflix Watch Instantly, we stumble across “Satisfaction,” a series featuring the working gals of an Australian brothel.

Me: Um, I’m not so sure about this one.

B: You’re always so against me wanting to see 18 year old shirtless girls! You never support any of my hobbies!

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My present better be something amazeballs.

You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!

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In bed, Axe Murderer is within grabbing distance…

B: Hey, grab me a cat!

I snatch her up and try to cat-wrangle her, but fail… and she jumps away, using my left boob as a platform.

Me: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

B: That’s what you get for grabbing her.

Me: You told me to grab you a cat!!!!

B: Psssh. If I told you to jump off a bridge would you do it?

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On gchat…

Me:  I don’t want to work out tonight. I’m periody.

B:  I dont want to work out either… I’m sympathy-periody.

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While watching Dexter; the main character is having a hard time assisting a friend suffering from lung cancer with suicide…

Me: Would you kill me if I was suffering like that?

B: Totally.

Me: You WOULD?

B: Sure. {All tender and shit} You know, if you really wanted me to.

Moments later, the conversation turns to the notion that Murray and Axe Murderer will, in fact, pass on one day.

B: Stop! No! They’ll never leave us!!

Me: OH. So you can cavalierly discuss going all Kevorkian on me, but the mere mention of our cats dying someday is unthinkable?!

B: Pretty much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As we’re about to watch Vampire Diaries…

B: Ready for some VD?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Domestic bliss, my friends.

You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While watching “Aladdin”…

Me: Is Jasmine hotter than me?

B: Well… she has a tiger! I’m sorry, baby… but yes, she is more desirable than you.

Me: Asshole!

B: Oh, come on. If you were dating a guy with a TIGER?!

Me: Okay, okay! Fair point.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On gchat…

Me: how’s your day?

(time passes)

B:  going good
hows yours?

Me:  three hours later!

B:  sorry love, i was playing soccer

Me:  you don’t love me at all.

B:  that’s it. i didn’t know how to break it to you other than being late to responding via gchat. 

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While watching “Sixteen and Pregnant”…

Me: Oh!

B: What?

Me: She’s painting the baby’s toenails!! That kind of looks like fun. Like a doll! Maybe babies aren’t so bad after all.

B: Whoa, there. I will buy you a fucking doll. With HUMAN toenails. And change them out weekly, if that’s what it takes.

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On gchat, having some ridiculous fake argument.

B: yeah, try to hide
  bam.

Me: the hell?

B: why dont you type “what”

Me: shorthand baby. it’s what all the cool kids do

B: you crazy kids and your V.
  …see what i did there, i shorthanded the D.

Me: hahahahahaha

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My lovelies, I want to thank you from the tippy-toe bottom of my heart for all your comments yesterday. I always feel a bit weird when I get all… well… SERIOUS, around here, so your support really means the world to me. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone.

/schmoop

That said, today is my Friday because I am OFF to the Keys to watch my very first bff tie the knot!

C U Next… (oh, awkward, but…) Tuesday!!!

Just in case anyone hasn’t gotten the memo that TMIT has come to a sad but triumphant end, I figured I’d give you a touch of it today so that no one’s world was completely shattered.

Consider this your TMI methadone, you crazy addicts.

At brunch last weekend…

Me: Lex, why don’t you share that tiny insignificant detail from your childhood that you failed to mention to any of us before? You know, the one about your dad you JUST told me this week?

Maxie and Katie look at her quizzically.

Lexa: Well, when I was little, one of my dad’s part-time jobs was as building maintenance to this block of apartment homes. It wasn’t exactly a great neighborhood, but not terrible. I would tend to tag along on the weekends as he snaked sinks, fixed wires, etc.

Well, one weekend, a domestic assault ended in murder and guess who he brought along to clean it up? There was blood and papers and just crap strewn everywhere. The best part, or worst part? Is he let me take shit from the apartment. I got a coveted copy of Guns ‘n Roses, use Your Illusion II.

I still listen to it occasionally and thank that poor woman for dying as I rock out to “You Could Be Mine.”

*Silence*

Katie: Your dad brought you to a MURDER SCENE??

Lexa: Yeah. That was kinda fucked up. I forget about it… and then I’m like… oh yeah. That happened.

Me: Wait wait wait. I have an idea. Maybe this could be the answer to why you can’t deal with bathroom humor!!! Don’t people empty their bowels when they die??

Maxie: They do! That’s it! Lex, was the body covered in feces?!?

Me: It’s okay, you’re in a safe place now. Finally, we’re getting somewhere!

Lexa: You idiots. The BODY wasn’t still there!

Maxie & me: There, there. *stroking hair* It’s okay now. We’ve got you. We’ll get you to make a fart joke yet!

Katie and Lexa shake their heads pityingly.

I love my friends.

I’m going to be a bit MIA while I rock this whole jury duty thing, but I figured I could give you a taste of how my weekend was. My dear friend cavy was in town, so I figured the only thing to do was throw her a party.

This is how that went.

Actually, this is just the tiniest TASTE of how that went. Let’s just say there will be the vlog to end all vlogs tomorrow, inspired by Tosh.0’s “surprise trust falls.”

You’ll see.

Trust me.

(Thanks to Berto and Lex for the image credit. You can split responsibility as Axe Murderer’s sponsor when she enters AA.)

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***

<a href="http://www.livitluvit.com/category/tmi-thursday" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/tmithursday.jpg" border="0" alt="TMI Thursday" /></a>

Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…

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Ladies and gents, it is with great sadness (and a lot of little relief) that I give you the last Official TMI Thursday. It’s been a great ride, y’all. And I do intend to bring back the occasional TMIT Post Secret Style- those were just too good to let go of.

But henceforth, my crazy tales of embarrassment and horrifying mishaps will occur wherever, whenever they happen on this lil’ blog, and no longer be chained to the ox that is (every) Thursday.

It seems only fitting to combine our other favorite topic round these parts, The Shiz My Boyfriend Says, for the TMIT Grand Finale.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While sitting on the couch…

B: So today, I realized the absolute worst thing you could do to a person.

Me: Do tell.

B: The worst thing you can do: poop in someone’s dryer… and then turn it on. It gets so hot! You could never clean that up. You’d have to throw your dryer away!

Me: Busy day at work, huh?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Axe Murderer is sitting on the windowsill, cat-barking at the birds outside.

B: Get them! Get those evil birds!

She promptly jumps down and enters the litter box.

B: Oh. Well, she’s poopin’ right now. Get ‘em after you’re done poopin’, girl cat! You’ll be more agile after you lose weight!

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While sitting on the couch, B starts to get up…

Me: What do you need? I’ll get it for you, sweetheart.

B: I need some POOPING!! You gonna do that for me?!?

Me: Have at it, hoss.

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Talking to B while he’s in the bathroom…

B: I can’t hear you, baby! My peein’s too loud!

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A different kind of “TMI”…

While watching “Aladdin” this weekend, we *may* have broken out into song… together. And yes, it was “A Whole New World.” OBVY.

Me: I sang that song in chorus in high school. That’s why I know all the words…

B: I’m just a gay.

Me: Fair enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giddyup, y’all… and thanks for all the fantastic too-much-infomations. It’s been swell.

*tear*

Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…

Maxie’s TMI Thursday: Out with a Bang

cavy’s TMI Thursday: Overflowin’

That Kind of Girl’s TKOG Who frolics naked for all to see (TMI Thursday)

In It To Gym It’s TMI Thursday: *blush*

Carissa Jade’s The Final TMI Thursday: I Bait My Own Hook (In-ur-endo) (That’s what she said)

MJenks’ TMI Thursday: Snowball

E’s TMI Thursday ~ The Pink One

Lauren’s The Great Butt Debate-TMI Thursday

P’s TMI THURSDAY: WHY I SHOULD REMEMBER WHERE I AM AND ACT ACCORDINGLY . . .

Dani’s TMI Thursday: When you’ve not got a story of your own just borrow a dear friend’s…

OG’s A Crazy Beating – My first and last TMI Post

Cammy’s TMI Thursday: My Slut Phase

Adam L’s TMI Thursday: I Thought You Left!

T. The Destructor’s TMI Thursday–Why alcohol should never come in a two liter size

Ella Unread’s You know what they say…’A place’s heart is where its bathroom is at”

Kate’s TMI Thursday – The End of a (Gross) Era

miss*H’s TMI Thursday: The one with the dead people

BigSis’ TMIT: O Captain! My Captain!

Liebchen’s What I learned from TMIs (in a good way)

Eleni’s TMI Thursday: Indonesian Cuisine

Rachel’s TMI Thursday: Ladies do not fart

Mary’s TMIT: *Shudder*

Heather’s TMI Thursday: Golden Shower

shine’s TMI Thursday – But…I’m RIGHT HERE.

Liz in Life’s TMI Thursday: I lied

Kara’s TMI Thursday

Paprika’s TMI Thursday: Hot doctor, Blood, and Tush

Bev’s TMI Thursday: When my boobs were not sexy

Torn’s TMI Thursday (LiLu’s Last)—Spicing it up–My “Balls Out” TMI

ClevelandPoet’s TMI Thursday: The one that really burned her ass

Singlegrrrl’s Two for one: TMI and Thankful Thursday. You’re welcome.

Emil’s TMI Thursdays: The Poop, It Is Stealthy And Deadly Like Ninja

Lisa’s TMI Thursday – The Last of a Good Run

Insomniac Lolita’s TMI Thursday Finale : The Bet That Reeks

Kernut’s Sex in Carson City: My Trip to The Brothels

sherryrose’s TMIT: the first and the last

jessica o’s TMI Thursday & Something to Clean It Up

Cheddar’s TMI Thursday: I’m Going to Hell

Jeney Peney’s TMI Thursday – You think explaining a hickey is awkward?

Mikael’s TMIT- A Sneaky Leak

Andy’s TMI Thursday.

Tabitha’s Pepe lePew: the final (official) edition of TMI Thursday

amber murphy’s tmi thursday: in which we share the love

Wendy’s TMI Thursday: Going With Out a Bang

citygirlblog’s Dirty Talk – Pet Peeves

Wonderful’s TMI Thursday: Blame it on the dog

Courtney’s TMI Thursday: The Funeral Addition

Zan’s The Final Frontier…of TMI Thursday *tear*

You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In bed, contemplating the next round of our workout program…

B: Maybe you can do a real pull up tomorrow!

Me: {skeptical glance}

B: C’mon, it’ll be useful- you know, if you’re ever in a big hole! Or a well. A well with a bar in it. … {ponders introspectively…} It would suck to die in a well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the couch…

Me: You’re breathing loudly over there. Are you mouth breathing?? You know what they say about mouth breathers.

B: That they breathe better because mouths are bigger than noses? Is that what they say?!

***Ed. note: B is NOT a mouth breather. This was a fluke, hence why I commented on it. Gross.***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Watching the furbabies fight, and for once, Murray is winning…

Me: Axe Murderer’s getting fat, man.

B: {all defensive and shit} She’s not fat! She’s just pleasantly plump.

Me: *skeptical side-eye glance*

B: Well, she’s not pleasant… so that kind of rules that out, huh? I guess she’s just plump.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After brunch with the girls, I arrive home on Sunday to find B lounging on the couch… with a towel rolled up behind his neck.

Me: Um. Why do you have a towel rolled behind your head?

B: So I don’t have to hold my head up to watch TV! DUH!

Me: ……………………………

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 I guess we really do need one of those ridiculous neck contraptions from SkyMall.

Don’t forget to check out my round up today on DC Blogs!

Last evening, B and I had our nightly battle in which he attempts to convince me to scratch his NAKED back, and I wail and protest and squirm and add multiple syllables to words in true five-year-old whining fashion. I will not go gentle into that good night!

Now, I’ve talked about this before- twice- I just cannot STAND the idea of all those dead, flaky skin cells cropping up underneath my fingernails. It makes me own skin, well, crawl. (Ew.)

When first confronted with my dead skin phobia,* he maintained it was worth my suffering because then if he ever murdered me, I’d be fortunate enough to have his DNA under my nails to prove it was him. Which doesn’t really work out because then I’m A) dead, and B) he is a tricky bastard and we’ve watched all five seasons of The Wire, so I’m pretty sure homeboy knows how to get rid of a dead body by now. You just don’t watch Stringer Bell operate without picking up a thing or two.

Mmmmmmmmmmm.

Anyhoo, this was his new and improved argument last night:

B: {rips off shirt}  Baby, will you *please* scratch my back??

Me: Gross!! You know I hate that!

B: {puppy dog eyes}

Me: Fine. Put your shirt back on and I will.

B: {heavy sigh}  Then I can’t FEEL anything! Come on, think about it. That’s like asking someone to put pants on before they bone you!!!

Me: ………………………

Too-shay, my dear. Too-shay.

He may have won last night. But he can’t come up with these forever.

Can he?

*cringe*

*This is no way applies to peeling off sunburned skin flakes. That, of course, is pure awesome.**

**I NEVER CLAIMED I MADE SENSE. Shuttup.

I just deleted an incredibly long play-by-play account of how perfectly miserable this past Saturday’s ShamrockFest was*.

And it was, don’t get me wrong. It was raining steadily and nastily the entire time; the parking lot was a mix of mudslides and six inch puddles; my guest Flippy and I waited in line after line to get in; they sent us the wrong way (not “VIP”) and we had to walk all the way back to the front to get our “VIP” glasses twenty minutes later, at which point they did not see fit to give us the bracelets meant to go along with them; the festival opened at noon but “VIPs” were forced to wait outside of the “VIP” area until 1pm- an hour in the rain with free beer that (well, not us but other people) have PAID for is a fate worse than death; when the “VIP” crowd literally rioted to be let in at 1, the power-hungry gate attendants made them wait until 1:05 and we were scared for our lives; there were more staff than patrons there yet they openly admitted they had had no training and couldn’t give us any information about what was going on; the entire event was so poorly disorganized it was laughable; “VIPs” weren’t allowed to bring their beer outside of the “VIP” area to where the bands were playing; we admitted defeat just moments after they finally opened the “VIP” gate and we realized we needed the bracelets we hadn’t been given with our cups. The idea of walking back to the gate a second time was laughable after already having done it once and standing in the rain for an hour waiting for a free beer.

(“VIP” is in quotes because I don’t believe anyone there was not “VIP”. Sort of defeats the purpose, no?)

We watched as the crowd rushed in and decided A) the lines for the free watery beer would be ridiculous by the time we got back, and B) we were too old for this shit.

So Flippy and I, in our neon lime-green legwarmers and aqua leggings, (respectively,) laughed our ass out of that place so fast we didn’t even get to see LMFAO sing “Shots.”

We swam through the mud puddles passed the line of unfortunate souls waiting to get in- literally, my shoes are now brown- and hailed the first cab we could find to take us to a warm bar where the booze flowed (and our fingers weren’t so frozen we couldn’t even Tweet the anguish).

So, if you ask me how ShamrockFest was, I will probably laugh. And I will tell you that as long as you never step foot in the park itself… as long as you head straight to a cozy bar with a good friend and stool up to a pitcher of beer and some garlic fries and spend the next four hours laughing and bonding and planning road trips and making fun of small children…

You’ll probably have a grand old time.

I did.

*Yes, my tickets were totally courtesy of a PR company. Otherwise I never, ever, EVER would have gone. Lesson learned.

You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Watching the cats, which are about a year old now (!).

B: Are they going to get bigger?

Me: Maybe a little bit, but no, this is pretty much it.

B: Goddamm it! I wanted giant cats!

Me: The hell? You said you were sad when they got bigger!

B: I either wanted tiny cats or HUGE cats! Not medium sized!

Me: ……….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While watching “Fringe“…

B: Wouldn’t it suck if your son died and you stole a new one from another dimension and then HE died?

Me: Well, couldn’t you just get another from another dimension?

B: It’s not that easy!

Me: You don’t know that.

B: I’ve done it twice already.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting on the couch…

B: I’m gonna go get my poop on. Oh wait… we’re out of toilet paper. Never mind.

Me: You’re not going to poop because there’s no TP? We have paper towels.

B: Nah…. I went earlier today. Not worth it. It’s not a diarrhea or anything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

B looks up from the Medieval-ish book he’s reading, A Game of Thrones.

B: I want a Direwolf!

Me: Qué?

B: It’s a wolf as big as a horse.

Me: But what about the kitties?

B: Well it wouldn’t eat US or the kitties… only other people! [Dumbfounded] You don’t want this?!

Me: Baby, we didn’t get a DOG because we don’t have room.

B: Well, YEAH, but what if size didn’t matter? What if we had a farm??

Me: Well… can I ride it?

B: Of COURSE you can fucking ride it! Don’t be an ijit! I mean, look at Murray. He’s cute and all, but he’s so SMALL. And how many throats has he ripped out? NONE!!

Me: ……….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy weekend, y’all!

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***

<a href="http://www.livitluvit.com/category/tmi-thursday" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/tmithursday.jpg" border="0" alt="TMI Thursday" /></a>

Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is time… for the tenth installment of TMI Thursday, a la Post Secret! If you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know what Frank Warren’s GENIUS idea is, click that link to be amazed. People from all over the world send him anonymous postcards, of anything they want, so long as it represents their own personal secret. And that’s what we’ve decided to do here, from our OWN little bloggy community… TMI style. (Click here for all the past entries.)

Please continue to send your picture TMITs in, any time. You can use the top secret anonymous email account to send it in (Gmail, username tmithursday, password tmit1234), and send them to me at heylivitluvit at gmail dot com. I suggest the free photo editing website Fotoflexer to make it super duper easy.

All righty, then. And away we go…

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Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…

Stephanie’s TMI Thursday: For Serious, I Am Too Busy Gagging To Even Come Up With A Decent Title For This One

Insomniac Lolita’s TMI Thursday : The Incident Down Under

That Kind of Girl’s TKOG Whose nasal hygiene is a marvel of prestidigitation (TMI Thursday)

Wendy’s TMI Thursday: Would you, could you, in a tree?

grilledcheeseandketchup’s TMI Thursday #2: Sham-poo

miss*H’s TMI Thursday: The one with the cottage cheese you would not like to eat!

LivingWicked’s TMIThursday: What? You Didn’t Get The *gag* Memo?

Adam L’s TMI Thursday: The Joys of Running, Part IV: I Can’t Hold It in Anymore!

Spleen’s So THAT’S where all the food went. Evil roommate.

Travis’ TMI Thursday: The First Person To Say, “Sounds Like You Had A Shitty Day,” Is Going To Get Donkey Punched.

Sebastian’s What men do in the shower, or ‘Seb sells out and gets naked on camera’

Cammy’s TMI Thursday: The Time I Crapped My Pants

Heather’s TMI Thursday: Poopie Party

Tricia’s TMIT: That Time I . . . Cried . . .

Amy’s TMI Thursday: To Wax or Not To Wax

Manderz’s TMI Thursday

Torn’s TMI Thursday – many small TMI confessions

Wonderful’s TMI Thursday: I have to pee

Cleveland Poet’s An autbot almost threw up on me or TMI Thursday

amber murphy’s TMI Thursday: isn’t that a ring on your finger?

ClaireMontgomeryMD’s tmi thursday: leftover pot roast

Simply T’s TMI Thursday: Bathroom Wars – Men Vs. Women

Vittoria’s TMI Thursday: Road Trip!

Vixations’ TMI Thursday: Group Masturbation

Brainless’ WAAAYYYY TMI Thursday

MJenks’ TMI Thursday: This Shit Has Got to Stop

Aurora’s TMI Thursday: Misplacing the V-Card

Ten years ago, the best long distance runner on our track team was jealous of MY legs, and I was competing with the shot putters to see who could do more push-ups during calis.

Yes, it was ten years ago. Yes, I was 16 and didn’t yet have a curve to my name.

I don’t care.

I want it back.

I want that feeling… that strength. That swagger.

I want to rock it at my girl’s wedding. I want to make this look goooooood in Vegas.

Now, I am not a big girl by any means. I know this. 

But I am SOFT, y’all. I’ve gone from sharp chedder to a ripe brie… and I’ve had enough.

I am sick of feeling weak. I am tired of feeling self-conscious.

It is time for a real change. It is time to get EXTREME. 

And so, my friends… with the power of B by my side, an absolutely insane hour-a-day training program, and a devastating lack of cheeseburgers from my life… I will do it. I will get it back, with a side of Michelle Obama arms to boot.

Please and thank you.

Three months, six days a week.

Half the booze, none of the fried.

(Somebody shoot me.)

Hey kids, it’s time for a third round of responses to B’s new advice column!

(Past editions here, or for more B, check out “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says” here.)

Things to know:

• I have in no way read his responses. Like at all. I lit-rally just copied and pasted here. So, uh… yeah. This should be interesting.
• I’m scared. (See above.)

And away we go!

Spleeness:  If someone’s new date takes them to a surprise concert, should their musical taste be considered, thus ruining the surprise?  Another question: how would guys celebrate Valentine’s day if they could do it anyway they wanted? Would it still involve chocolate?

I think a surprise concert date is a pretty cool idea.  So 10 points to him!  However, if the actual concert blows and his musical tastes are awful that’s a quick minus 9 points.  Clearly a net gain.  However he could have enjoyed the same benefits if he bought you a nice bottle of wine/movie and not disclosed his love of American Idol’s Fantasia.  If a guy could celebrate Valentine’s day any way they wanted they would not celebrate it at all. Fact. And that non-descript day would probably involve beer rather than chocolate.

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Amanda: If a guy is telling a girl that he loves her, misses her, wants to be with her, but the guy is dating another girl, what IS his deal? Is he worth waiting around for?

I am afraid the obvious answer here is NO!  If he loves this girl, misses her, and wants to be with her he WOULD be with her.  That said, I clearly know nothing about your specific situation.  Perhaps there are mitigating factors that suggest you should be a little patient.  But I doubt it.

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Nikki: if a girl was going to propose to her boyfriend, what kind of proposal would knock his socks off?

I wonder what the protocol of a woman to man proposal is?  For instance, should she call up his mom and ask permission?  I don’t know (probably not).  From what I can tell, the driving force behind a big over-the-top proposals is so that woman can recite to everyone she knows what an amazing spectacle it was thus proving that she has the greatest fiancé in the world (I write fiancé because, without exception, she will say that word no less than 7.6 times a sentence).  Can you imagine a guy doing the same thing:

SCENE:

IN: PETE’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Six guys sitting in PETE’S living room drinking beers around a folding table playing poker.

PETE: So, as I was saying, as the sun set across the ocean, we road our horses along the beach.  Bob, you can just picture my face when, off to the right, I notice a white linen tent pitched ahead of us – and no one around for miles.

Bob lets out a squeal as he lunges to hug Pete, spilling his beer in the process.

BOB: Ohmygod! Oh. My. God. I knew she was going to pop the question during your trip to Bermuda!  Tell him Raphael, I called it didn’t I!

PETE: Well, I’m glad at least one of us was surprised!  As we got closer, she helped me off my horse and pointed for me to look up across the ocean.  What do I see?  A plane– trailing the message: “Pete, I love you! Will you marry me – Sara.”

All the men in the room clap and high five one another.  Rob shotguns a beer in celebration.

PETE:  When I turned back around there she was–down on one knee–with the most gorgeous wedding band you’ve ever seen!

END SCENE

My point is, I imagine what would really “knock his socks off” is something that is truly from the heart.  Tell him why you want to marry him (he’s wonderful presumably) and why spend the rest of your life with him (fill in the blank).

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Sherryrose: Should the sex be had on a first date to find out if the whole mess is worth a second date? or should the third date rule be followed? seems like it would be a shame to get to the third date, tag it, and find out you were wasting your time on the other two dates… (either way…if it’s good you should have been having more of the sex, if it’s bad, you should have been long gone).

I am a very very firm believer that most dating “rules” are utterly stupid.  Use some common sense of course—don’t call the person 6 times the day after meeting—but waiting 73.5 hours is just as dumb.  That said, there is an unfortunate double standard when it comes to men banging on the first night and women banging on the first night.  I guess it depends on your read of the guy:  If you like him enough (or think he’s hot enough) to bang – have at it regardless of the number of dates.  If the sex is awful or he’s judgmental then at least you won’t waste any more time.  But always remember – wrap it up.

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That Kind of Girl: If you’re at a bar with a jukebox and only one dollar, what song is the most likely to start a spontaneous singalong?

It will vary by bar and regionally.  Boston (and anywhere there are asshole Red Sox bandwagoners: Sweet Caroline—Neil Diamond.  Texas (and at line dancing bars: Save A Horse, Ride a Cowboy—Big and Rich.  Gay Bars: Tiny Dancer – Elton John.  There are a only few songs  that will work regardless of location: anything by Michael Jackson, and the Ghostbuster’s Theme Song.  Who you gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kelly: So B… I was wondering what the protocol for staying in touch with an ex that already has a new g/f. Do guys want to keep in touch with there exes? is friendship really attainable post-break-up? I get that his new g/f would not be a fan of our friendship, but is there a way to make this transition easier?

My advice is not to keep in touch.  At all.  Especially if this was a recent breakup.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MsDarkstar: Dear B, who in your household takes care of kitty waste related chores? In my household it’s me & I just want to know if it’s a dude thing to not change/scoop kitty boxes. And, you’re a dude, so I am getting your opinion. Thanks!

LiLu: For some reason, my darling dear missed this question, but I will tell you here and now that while it was SUPPOSED to be 100% my duty, as part of the contract for letting me even get the cats he was allergic to… he now will absolutely help out in that department. A good egg, I tell ya… a good egg.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wanted more B, you’ve got him, my friends! Ask your questions here for Round 4 of Life Advice from B.

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***

<a href=”http://www.livitluvit.com/category/tmi-thursday” mce_href=”http://www.livitluvit.com/category/tmi-thursday” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/tmithursday.jpg” mce_src=”http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/tmithursday.jpg” border=”0″ alt=”TMI Thursday” /></a>

Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey kiddos, unfortunately the “real job” is kicking my ass this week, and I’ll have to take a break from TMI Thursday myself today. But never fear, all of yours are linked so that we all get our Dose Of Gross today. Enjoy!

And don’t forget to come out tomorrow for Happy Hour!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…

miss*H’s TMI Thursday: The one where my hands got dirty….

Carissa Jade’s TMI Thursday: Everything comes down to poo (not mine)

FoggyDew’s TMI Thursday: Recess

Daffy’s Look Into My Porcelain Bowl

MJenks’ TMI Thursday: A Valentine’s Story

Kaydee’s TMI Thursday: Toys

That Kind of Girl’s TKOG Who sweats it out (moderately TMI Thursday)

Random Musings’ TMI Thursday: Happy Vomitine’s Day!!

Living Wicked’s TMIThursday: Daaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaad!

Coffeypot’s TMI Thursday – The Little Girl

P’s TMI THURSDAY: HOW TO REALLY ANNOY ME IN THE PUBLIC TOILET . . .

Jeff’s now boarding, flight to revolting

Adam L’s TMI Thursday: The Joys of Running Part I: Nip Guards

Beverly’s TMI Thursday: You got what where?!

Sebastian’s British pillow talk soundboard (starring me)

Shine’s TMI Thursday: Hey wow! We’re talking about your penis.

Cammy’s TMI Thursday: I Like Sex

Liz in Life’s TMI Thursday- Confessionals

verybadcat’s TMI Thursday: Grits

Travis’ TMI Thursday: My First Video TMI!

confessor69’s TMI Thursday: The Totally Unnecessary Recovery Update

Tricia’s TMIT: Am I Getting Too Personal?

Sharky’s No pooping allowed.

ClaireMontgomeryMD’s tmi thursday: those crazy kids

Cleveland Poet’s Is that a banana in your pocket or just TMI Thursday?

Lucy’s TMI Thursday: What was I thinking?

Dating is My Hobby’s TMI Thursday: non sequitur edition

Angie’s TMIT – The Tale of My 21st Birthday

Snafu’s TMI Thursdays: Karma’s a bitch

L’s TMI Thursday: Mexican + Coffe + Absinth = Bad Combo

Simply “T”s TMI Thursday: There’s A Reason Why I Blocked This Out Of My Memory

amber murphy’s TMI Thursday: in which I am too tired to hone in on one particular event

City Girl’s Oh crap!

Ms. Terri’s A TMI Thursday Limmerick

Vittoria’s TMIT: Gas bag

Barred Owl’s TMI Thursdays

You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says”!

(One of these days I *am* going to screw those Roman numerals up, and you all will have such a hearty chuckle at my expense.)

(Well, maybe three of you. The rest of you don’t know what the hell they should be either. So THERE.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Friday, about two hours into the Snopocalypse, B announces he’s going to Best Buy to purchase new speakers.

Me: You’re crazy!

B: Why? How is this different from your new laptop?? (I, um, may have just purchased a new Macbook Pro. *makes love to it*)

Me: Because I didn’t GO OUT IN A BLIZZARD to get it! It’s #snOMG outside!!!

B: And we have to be prepared! You want to watch Legend of the Seeker WITHOUT surround sound?! What’s wrong with you??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Though I am in impassioned lust with the Mac, I have yet to learn how to do everything I need to with it, and sometimes still bust out the PC… at the same time. So, yes, I will be sitting on the couch working on two laptops. Apparently, this looks odd, and inspires this to happen…

B: Ooooooo, going into stockbroker mode! Stockbroker comin’ through, watch out!!!

Me: You know that makes no sense, right? What does stockbroking have to do with multiple computers?

B: Stockbroker’s gonna buy some stocks. Maybe some bonds!

Five minutes later…

B: How are the stocks going? You get some GM??

I put one away…

B: All done with the stocks? You get the stocks you wanted?

Murray paws at the closed laptop.

B: Look at Murray! He wants to be a stockbroker too!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Taylor Swift music video comes on- uh, one of the cats must have stepped on the remote, we would never watch that- and she’s wearing a rather low-cut dress, which prompts B to make some sort of noise of approval.

Me: Um. You know she’s, like, 15, right?

B: What? She’s not really 15, is she?

Me: Well, I think she just turned 16.

B: Really? Well, lock me up.

Me: *judgmental glance*

B: What! I didn’t know! … Don’t pretend like you wouldn’t do her! I’m just trying to protect her from Kanye. Look how slutty her dress is! Her father should be ashamed.

Me: I dunno. I think it’s kind of sweet and romantic.

B: It’s down to her belly button!

Me: But she’s got nothing to show.

B: True… since she’s FIFTEEN and all. Dammit!!

Okay, I just googled it and she’s actually TWENTY. The hell??? When did that happen? Holy crap I’m getting old.

Also, sorry I made fun of your lack of boobage, Taylor. It, uh… suits you?

Also, have at it, B.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don’t forget to check out my round up on DC Blogs today!

So, you know how sometimes people post gchats, and you skim it politely but the whole time you’re really thinking, “This is just not funny. This *might* be funny if I really knew them, or even if they were strangers but I was at least THERE.”

Well, knowing all that, and being the kind of person who generally agrees what the above sentiment, I give you THIS.

It is a risk, but if you have absolutely any knowledge of the TV show “24″… I think you’ll find it at least half as funny as I did. (And if you don’t, this is going to be one crazy ass journey for you.)

WORTH IT.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Berto: I’m always torn about 24.
The first 6 hours are absurd yet awesome.

me: right, it’s fun

Berto: And then it’s like the writers were so proud of the ridiculousness of the first 6 hours that they forgot they had a whole 18 other hours to write
And then I’m pretty sure they get high and make shit up

me: SO TRUE

Berto: “now let’s throw in a mountain lion and give the wife amnesia”

me: i bet they have a hat!

Berto: ohh… the crazy idea hat.

me: and they mad lib their way to the story line

Berto: “and then the ___ showed up and said “I am your ___” and then ___ Jack’s daughter.”

me: right exactly. like “kidnapped”
“eloped with”

Berto: “ninja”

me: “roundhouse kicked to the face chuck norris* style”

Berto: “threw a pig** in her direction”

me: “injected her with a toxin that made her half bird, but then she flew too close to the sun”

Berto: “sang a song with the villain”

me: “turned out to BE the villain”

Berto: “hung out with Icarus***”
Icarus is the spy!

me: can he be russian

Berto: Yeah, he’s from the Ukraine and heads the Romanian mafia. (his middle name is Piotr)

me: and he runs a brothel… OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE
it’s called “The EAST Wing”
twss.

Berto: we need to insert a musical number involving NPH****

me: haaaaaaaaaaaaave you met Tony Almeida?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Berto’s blog.

Berto’s Twitter.

*No offense to Chuck Norris.

**No offense to pigs.

***No offense to Greek Mythology.

****DEFINITELY no offense to our lord and savior, NPH.*****

*****Don’t you hate when someone just says “no offense” and hopes that you’ll ignore the clearly offensive thing they just said?******

******Me either. That shit’s hilarious.

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***

<a href="http://www.livitluvit.com/category/tmi-thursday" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/tmithursday.jpg" border="0" alt="TMI Thursday" /></a>

Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is time… for the ninth installment of TMI Thursday, a la Post Secret! If you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know what Frank Warren’s GENIUS idea is, click that link to be amazed. People from all over the world send him anonymous postcards, of anything they want, so long as it represents their own personal secret. And that’s what we’ve decided to do here, TMI style. (Click here for all the past entries.)

Please continue to send your picture TMITs in, any time. I will make sure every last one is posted. You can use the top secret anonymous email account to send it in (Gmail, username tmithursday, password tmit1234), and send them to me at heylivitluvit at gmail dot com. I suggest the free photo editing website Fotoflexer to make it super duper easy.

All righty, then. And away we go…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…

heischic’s TMI Friday

moog’s Seeing Red – An Awful TMI Thursday

jenniferalaine’s tmi thursday: i kissed a homeless man.

Ex Hot Girl’s TMI Thursday: Butts and Cats.

Living Wicked’s TMIThursday: A Little Extra SAUCE w/ Her French … Kiss.

Carissa Jade’s TMI Thursday: A few of my hated things

Cheddar’s TMI Thursday: Mommy?

That Kind of Girl’s TKOG Who micromanages your mucous

P’s TMI THURSDAY: HOW MANY BEANS ARE IN THERE???

coffeypot’s TMI Thursday – The Double Date

Sebastian’s Pride & Prejupenis

Mary’s TMIT: Gay BFFs?

JewliaGoulia’s TMI Thursday – 6th Edition

Sean’s TMI Thursday: Why Is Michael Phelps Swimming to the Winter Olympics?

GregoryJ’s TMI Thursday – The Rest of the Story

Ashalah’s first one! TMI Thursday: The Uniballer

Griffin’s TMI Thursday – Basic Training Deformity

the iNDefatigable mjenks’ TMI Thursday: Hair Soap

Travis’ TMI Thursday: It’s Been A Big Week…

Tricia’s TMIT: I Get a Kick Out of You

Jeney Peney’s (Mini)TMI Thursday : Underpants

Tania’s TMI Thursday

Another virgin! Angie’s My First TMI Thursday Post – The Birth of My Son

And ANOTHER! Dating is My Hobby’s TMI Thursday: Why I’m the best girlfriend

Lucy’s TMI Thursday: I’ve Lost That Loving Feeling!

ClaireMontgomeryMD’s tmi thursday: how jean found herself in a vagina

Spleen’s TMI Thursday: you speak (and tell me about your embarrassing purchases)

amber murphy’s TMI Thursday: in which i was born again

Just Linda’s Thank goodness for my lovely pashmina

Pat’s TMI Thursday – I came, I sat, I peed

Krista’s TMI Thursday, the first

Hey kids, it’s time for the second set of responses to B’s new “advice column”! There were nearly 100 questions asked, so we’ll have to break this up a bit. I’ll be posting the responses on Tuesdays until I run out. Easy enough, no? (Last week’s edition here, or for more B, check out “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says” here.)

Things to know:

• These aren’t necessarily in the EXACT order they were asked. Don’t worry, I’ll whine remind him politely until they’re all answered.
• I have in no way read his responses. Like at all. I lit-rally just copied and pasted here. So, uh… yeah. This should be interesting.
• I’m scared. (See above.)

And away we go!

Em: “Question: how do I finally get my 3-year-old son potty trained?”

The entirety of my potty training knowledge concerns kittens.  Though I’m sure most of it is transferable to children.  Make sure your litter box is covered (you put babies in litter boxes right?).  Use clumping litter!  If that doesn’t work just shake the child until it understands.  Lord knows that works with girlfriends (joking, joking).

Dani: “I’m moving to a brand new city in May and I really don’t want to go back to selling pants for a living after busting my hump to get this damn Masters. What can I do in the next 4 months to make myself more employable…

Obviously prostitution or sexual favors is the best way to get ahead.  You mentioned your  history of “selling pants,” I assume that’s a synonym for you know what…(wink wink)

…besides providing sexual favors on job interviews?”

Oh. Well, if you’re taking all the commonsense ideas off the table I’ll have to think a little harder.  I would simply suggest networking and meeting as many new people as possible (principally through drinking).  In finding a new job, knowing the right person will be more beneficial than any four month stint on a resume.

Jaxie: “How do I tell my oldest friend (oldest as in we’ve been friends for 24 years) that she generally sucks as a friend and needs to make time for people, without hurting her feelings?”

Firstly, I avoid the phrase “you generally suck as a friend” in the conversation.  Perhaps tell your friend that you’re going through a rough time, impress upon her that you value her friendship, and say you’ll be leaning on her and hope she can make the time for your friendship.  Something like that. Or you could just save your time for less shitty friends.

Skylers Dad: “You are probably in the same boat as me, gifted with huge junk. How do you handle those awkward stares in the mens room?”

Now THAT’S a good question.  I try to keep in mind others are less fortunate and that I should try to be as discreet as possible with my enormous wang.

brookem: “my manfriend and i are planning to cohabitate this spring. this is new territory for me. while we spend almost every night together now, LIVING TOGETHER is so totally different. will you give me some tips on what to expect and how to cohabitate in peace?”

Two words: closet space.  I remember before our move-in being truly baffled and scared about where we were going to put all our stuff. I truly had sleepless nights over this.  Also, try to knock out the inevitable IKEA furniture shopping and assembly in one day.  Nothing stresses a relationship like IKEA’s god damn furniture instruction. All your screw pictures look the same IKEA! Use words you Swedish bastards!  I had to get that off my chest.  Pick an apartment near your friends and in a fun area so that you both might get out of each others hair once and a while.

hanako66: “how do i make my pug (jager) stop eating my fuzzy dog’s (bailey) poop? you see, a few weeks ago he threw it up in the middle of the night, i went to the kitchen to get paper towels and carpet cleaner… when i came back, he was eating it again. and i threw up. all. over. the. nightstand.

AWESOME! I just threw up too! I could tell from the start we had a lot in common.

I cannot have this happen again as it was very disruptive to my sleep, plus i swear my husband hasn’t looked at me the same since, so please PLEASE tell me how to make him stop eating her poop. ps i hope that animal feces is your area of expertise.”

First, no more licks from that dog.  Second…ummm, I’m at a loss.  I would suggest spraying “otherdogs” shit with something that would make it less appetizing.  But what could make shit less appetizing?  Mushrooms?  That’s all I’ve got.

Saratogajean: “How can I get the neighborhood degenerates to stop smashing their empty 40s on the sidewalk outside of my house?”

Easy. Buy them a 30 pack of beer CANS.  I can not stress the aluminum can aspect of this plan strongly enough.  This will provide you with “bum friends” — the best kind of friend — and more likely than not crushed beer cans on the sidewalk outside your house.  I figure that’s better than broken glass.  Additionally, this community outreach will make you 23% less likely to be assaulted by crackheads. WIN WIN!

HannahBlue:  “How do I deal with co-workers who are driving me crazy? (Since my husband will be a future lawyer, murder is obviously not an option).”

I look at your situation in the opposite way.  Your husband will be well situated to act as your defense in the subsequent trial.  But short of murder, I’d suggest reaching out to your coworkers (on an individual basis), doing them a favor to make their day a little bit better, and hopefully they will return the favor–if they’re not total assholes.  I have found that being passive aggressive at the office never works and you find yourself being paid back in kind.

BeckEye: “Eff, marry, kill: Rosie O’Donnell, Rosie Perez, and Perez Hilton.” 

Kill: Perez (painfully), Eff: Rosie O. (with my eyes tightly closed all the while humming Row Row Row Your Boat), Marry: Rosie Perez– White men can’t jump Rosie, but I’ll show you what we can do! (hint: its sexin’).

Belle/Elizabeth Marie: “How do I wait 3ish more years to get married and start having babies when I want them NOW but my boyfriend is in law school/is a commitment-phobe/is financially supported by his father so it doesn’t really make sense to do now? Love, Trying to be a cool non-pressuring girlfriend.”

Watch and re-watch that scene from Knocked Up where Katherine Heigl is crowning.  With that burned into your memory, you’ll hopefully be less inclined to get preggers.  If that fails, consider how happy your commitment-phobe boyfriend will be helping you with 3AM changing during finals (constructive receipt, 1035 exchanges, and baby shit–now we’re partying!).  Get engaged and enjoy that time, travel, do the sex (with birth control!!!), and relax. 

Repliderium: “How do I tell the fat person that I work with that every time she squats down beside my desk to talk all that I can smell is vagina & sweat?”

I truly do not know how to express that politely.  In particular since you will probably be smelling sweaty vag when you’re having this chat.  The societal implication of the Jersey Shore, the merits of prostitution, and lost love I can handle.  Sweaty vagina is beyond my depth.

You wanted more B, you’ve got him, my friends!

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***

<a href="http://www.livitluvit.com/category/tmi-thursday" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/tmithursday.jpg" border="0" alt="TMI Thursday" /></a>

Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is time… for the eighth installment of TMI Thursday, a la Post Secret! If you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know what Frank Warren’s GENIUS idea is, click that link to be amazed. People from all over the world send him anonymous postcards, of anything they want, so long as it represents their own personal secret. And that’s what we’ve decided to do here, TMI style. (Click here for all the past entries.)

Please continue to send your picture TMITs in, any time. I will make sure every last one is posted. You can use the top secret anonymous email account to send it in (Gmail, username tmithursday, password tmit1234), and send them to me at heylivitluvit at gmail dot com. I suggest the free photo editing website Fotoflexer to make it super duper easy.

All righty, then. And away we go…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Others awesomely bad TMIs this week…

Maxie’s TMI Thursday: Phantom Menace

That Kind of Girl’s TKOG Who has no tanlines (TMI Thursday, just a little)

LivingWicked’s TMIThursday: This Gives Want in one Hand … SHIT in the Other … a Whole New Meaning.

Think Tank Momma’s TMI Thursday – The Curious Case of Green Smoke

Griffin’s TMI Thursday – Twofer

Sebastian’s JUST DO IT

Travis’ TMI Thursday: Yes, I HAVE Looked At Lady Gaga’s Vajay.

P’s TMI THURSDAY: PEE ON ME? ER . . .NO THANKS . . .

Corrie’s TMI – In Jonathan’s Naked Glory

Jeff’s friends of friends who nobody knows

Carol’s TMI – Not today Dearest

Hillbilly Duhn’s TMI Thursday – When a small little poof makes a loud racket

amber murphy’s TMI Thursday: in which I am a poet

A Girl’s TMI Thursday: This is Why You Should Always Be Prepared

Colby’s TMI Thursday – That was just so much more than I needed to see in the morning

Jeney’s TMI Thursday : Dutch Ovens

Cleveland Poet’s TMI Thursday or Snot versus Poo the final showdown

Sarah’s TMI Thursday – The worst sex I didn’t know I was having

Tricia’s TMI Thursday: Oh, the Things You Find . . .

Wendy’s TMI Thursday: You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family, so can you pick your family’s nose? What’s that saying again?

Insomniac Lolita’s TMI Thursday : Mother-Daughter Talk

Kendall’s TMI Thursday: The Little Death. That Delicious Little Death.

JewliaGoulia’s TMI Thursday – 5th Edition

coffeypot’s TMI Thursday – Mile High Club – Kinda

Saphhyre’s TMI Thursday… #5