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I am not really one for the schmoop. Generally, I prefer sarcasm and bonding over self-deprecating jokes over talking about our feeeeeeeeelings. If and when we do discuss our emotions, we better be a bottle of wine (or three) deep, ya dig?

But this time, I can’t help it. The past weekend was one of the best of my life, and I just want to scream it from a rooftop, like I was an Italian lover with a heart full of song, or John Cusack in the 80s. (Or John Cusack ever, who are we kidding.)

I spent the better part of last week in Vegas at Bloggers in Sin City (#BiSC), surrounded by 50+ of the kindest, sweetest, funniest, friendliest bloggers this side of the US border. (Yes, that includes Canada, Brandy/Simone. See what I did there?!)

Listen, I’ve been to a lot of meetups, tweetups, and other “let’s take this party offline” festivities in my day – I’ve even put on a few (dozen) of them myself. But let me invoke the power of Sinead O’Conner for a moment, and just tell you that nothing compares to this.

Everyone was just so OPEN and ready to really get to know each other. And we were at an immediate advantage with this, because we’ve all been stalking each other online for months in anticipation. As Nico so eloquently put it in his video recap, “instead of feeling people out and starting from scratch, a lot of these friendships just kind of hit the ground running.”

I didn’t walk into that first happy hour on Thursday to a crowd of strangers. I walked in and was immediately embraced, figuratively and literally, by 56 friends (and more than a few life-size cutouts of Donny Osborne. That shiz is everywhere in Vegas.) And while I am lame and old and wasn’t really drinking (since by midnight I literally felt like I had been roofied from exhaustion - DAMN YOU, EST INTERNAL CLOCK!!!!!), the party didn’t stop until the moment I left on Sunday morning.

Nicole (our amazing organizer), you are like a fairy godmother who sprinkles vodka and hair tinsel and condoms down on us all. My life is approximately 529% better for knowing you.

Chelsea, take care of that piece of my heart that you stole because I AM BROKEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT AROUND. Jenn, Doni, Katelin, my life is cold and gray without you in it. New pact to never go a year without seeing each other EVER AGAIN, cool? Cool.

Jenny, I’m so glad we got to spend serious QT together this year. Welcome to the club of “My Favorite People on Earth”. (It comes with a gold star.) Ditto Molly – your bubbliness is infectious, and I don’t do bubbly, so this is saying something.

I want to list every single person I met but A) I’m lazy, and B) we’re too busy chatting in our top secret Facebook group anyway. #nerds #loveit

Suffice to say I love each and every one of you, and will continue to stalk you on the internet now that we are apart once more. (Tear.)

And now, I will finally shut up about how great my life is, and let the pictures speak their thousands of ridiculous words.

To everyone who was there, face licks and hashtag dances and slash scoops forever. I can’t wait to see you all again next year.

Mama said share.

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As the weather in DC has recently gotten beauti-freaking-ful, we’ve started using our bedroom AC window unit at night. While I am a huge fan of a gentle breeze while sleeping so I can snuggle up under the blanket, I do not so much enjoy the fact that said breeze blows directly. onto. my face.

My side of the bed is directly next to the window and in the immediate path of the churning cold air, which means that I cannot let so much as a finger poke out of the comforter if I hope to wake up sans frostbite in the morning.

But I endure, because otherwise the bedroom would be eleventy billion degrees and we wouldn’t be sleeping at all. Also, I am just super tough and awesome like that.

Until one evening this week, when I came home to find this:

B had fashioned a piece of cardboard to funnel the cold air away from me. See?

Chivalry is not dead, I say. All it needs is a little duct tape.

/schmoop

Happy weekend!!!!!!!

Mama said share.

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While re-watching “The Walking Dead” last weekend… (which, if you haven’t seen yet, you should remedy immediately. Just sayin.)

B: Just so you know, I would *totally* put you down if a zombie bit you. You know, before you turn.

Me: What?!?

B: Yes. It’s the humane thing to do. Don’t you think about what you’ll do when the zombie apocalypse comes? You wouldn’t put ME down?

Me: No! I don’t think I could do it.

B: That’s very irresponsible of you.

Me: *considering* Well, what if I was a vampire?

B: No, I would not put you down if you were a vampire.

Me: That’s something, at least.

B: It’s not the same! Vampires are awesome.

Me: So you wouldn’t care if I tried to turn you?

B: No, I would open my neck and be all GET THAT SHIT, because it’s bad ass.

Me: Okayyy, I get it. I mean zombies are all mehhhhhh whereas vampires are all insanely cool and, yanno, functional.

B: Exactly.

Me: Hmmm. Okay.

B: Now if you go wolfman, that’s a different story.

Me: What?!

B: Yeah. I mean, I wouldn’t KILL you… but I’d chain you up for a few moons, wait to see how that plays out. You know, in case it’s horrible, like when you’re on your period.

Me: ….

B: But hopefully it WOULDN’T be like a period, and it’d be great. And I’d be all “wolfman me, baby!!” Cause let’s face it, Wolfmanning is a little below Vampire, but still way above Zombie.

Please tell me we’re not the only ones who discuss the hierarchy of monsters over dinner.

Mama said share.

A couple hours ago, my mom sent me this crap (love you Mom):

Everyone loves Guns and Roses

I Will Cut You

Born to Rock

Sup, G?

Is that edible?

On second thought…

That’s right baby…I still got it.

Rice Cereal? I don’t need no stinkin’ rice cereal!

OH! Cold Wipes! Cold Wipes!

I can’t believe this place

Yeah.. I just farted

Tell me she did NOT just say that!!

My response:

They’d be funnier if they were cats.

Her response, two hours later:

Like this?

Everyone loves Guns and Roses

I Will Cut You

Born to Rock

Sup, G?

Is that edible?

On second thought…

That’s right baby…I still got it.

Rice Cereal? I don’t need no stinkin’ rice cereal!

OH! Cold Wipes! Cold Wipes!

I can’t believe this place

YOU just farted!

Tell me she did NOT just say that!!

Me: Holy… did you just MAKE that?!

Mom: Yes. Don’t tell anyone.

Me: You’re my hero.

Mama said share.

Hiya! I’m back from Narnia the woods, alive and well save for a few (dozen) bug bites. It may not have been my ideal vacation on paper, but it actually turned out to be the perfect week of relaxation.

I agreed to go into the wilderness if I had four walls, a bathroom we weren’t sharing with strangers, and… a jacuzzi. So, yeah, I wouldn’t exactly call it “roughing it”… but if we hadn’t had said jacuzzi, then our friends Ken and Laura (and the bears, of course) never would have been treated to B’s and my very, very loud (and hopefully moving) duet of Disney’s “A Whole New World”. So there.

B and Ken have been getting into trouble together the best of friends since they were wee lads, so one nice thing about the trip was getting to know Laura a lot better. Since the boys were frequently off in the canoe playing “Vikings of the Shenandoah” and lighting things on fire, we had a lot of time to drink wine and talk and drink wine and watch “The World’s Fattest Man” and drink wine. And it was a grand old time, save for one small detail: while we did try desperately to bring everything we thought we might need in the wilderness, Laura and I managed to let down ourselves, the boys, and most importantly, AMERICA by forgetting the single most essential camping item…

S’MORES.

The first night, as the boys were building a fire (um, sidebar- men are OBSESSED with fire- wtf?! See below…), Laura and I looked at each other in horror as we realized our huge, gigantic, shameful misstep in planning. We simply HAD to fix the lack of s’mores in our life before the last day; a camping trip without s’mores would make us no better than common Commies.

We remembered seeing some graham crackers in one of the cupboards, so one of three bases was covered, at least. The next day, as we were out and about visiting Luray Caverns and getting creative at a few wineries, we made the guys pull over at every gas station and 7-11 we saw searching for marshmallows. We could only find the miniature kind, but we went for it, thinking that was as close as we were going to get. The Hershey’s was of course up front with the candy, so we would have to make do.

That night as we made dinner, I skewered mini marshmallows onto satay-style sticks. Later, as the fire was roaring, it was time to put the s’mores into action.

Let’s see how that went:

1. Those skewers? Are very, VERY tiny when you’re thrusting it into a molten lava hot fire (twss). Just sayin.

2. Once our marshmallows were cooked (in some cases burnt to a crisp; in mine, just above lukewarm), we cracked open the Hershey’s, which we all assumed would be the best part of the whole thing. I glanced down at the chocolate as I opened it…

Me: Um… there appears to be some sort of plastic on the bottom. Hold on… *tries to tear off* Oh… okay… apparently that’s just what the chocolate looks like. It’s kind of… white? Crusty?

Laura: What does the expiration date say? Is that… holy shit. It says 2001.

All of us: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. The graham crackers were beyond stale, as were the marshmallows, but shockingly enough, the Hershey’s took the cake as far as the worst ingredient to our horrible disaster makeshift s’mores. Fail, fail, fail, HUGE freaking FAIL.

And yes, we all took a bite because we were drunk and had to make sure they were really that bad. Well, except Ken, because he smelled it first, and I would say that makes him the smartest one in the bunch…

If he hadn’t thrown his shirt in the fire moments later, “just because”.

We’re a special bunch. But honestly? I can’t wait to do it again.

I have a rematch with those goddamn s’mores.

P.S. This is what it looks like when two men obsessed with fire finally, well, get to build a fire:

Re. Dic.

Mama said share.

(FYI? This was entirely out of the blue, around 3pm yesterday. We had not spoken all day.)

Lil Sis: OMG I was just in the work kitchen for like 5 minutes, and I just sat back at my desk, looked down, and I had gotten like a gallon of sauce on my khaki pants.
      Now that I’ve washed most of it off, I of course look like I peed myself.

Me: *dying laughing* You are SO my sister.

Lil Sis: I still have a suspicious orangey patch. I can’t wait to go home where I don’t have to be hampered by all these clothes!

Me: Omg stop, you are making me laugh OUT LOUD. … (That’s “lol” if you’re a cool kid.)

Lil Sis: LOL I HATE CLOTHES THEY ARE TOO MUCH WORK

Me: I go through this every morning. If I didn’t have to dress myself every day, my life would improve by 50% betterness. Fact.

Lil Sis: I can handle shirts.

Me: See, I’m a dress girl. It’s the onesie for adults.

Lil Sis: I just don’t understand why there are any situations in life where jeans aren’t appropriate!

Me: Agreed. It’s 2010 people! Obama’s getting rid of the tie, for God’s sake, let’s GET RID OF THE PANT.

Lil Sis: Well first of all, if I wear a dress there’s no place to clip my badge so I’ll be getting locked out all day.

Me: I just make a place- bunch a little bit of it. It’s extra sexy.

Lil Sis: But most importantly, to wear a dress I have to have freshly-shaven legs. And that’s more work than clean pants!

Me: Says who? No one really looks. You just can’t go out in the sunshine. Vampire ftw!

Lil Sis: Says my white skin and dark brown hair. This is why jeans are heaven… never wrinkled, never look dirty, no exposure. Mmmmmmmmm jeans.

Me: I’m with ya. Preaching to the choir here. … Except that it’s been 100 degrees for a month.

Lil Sis: Well, clearly clothes are the devil.

Me: With that, sweet sister, I concur.

Just another Xmas in the LiLu household.*

*Disclaimer: My sister is insisting I inform you that these sweaters were donned ironically. Well, DUH.

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Hey! Have you tweeted yet today? (If you don’t know what this is about, please to clicky here!)

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite contestant in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj

(Feel free to get creative, the above suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

The actual VOTING will start on July 7, and it will be via Facebook. (I know, the irony…) Anyway! You will only get to have to vote once, so make sure we’re Facebook friends and I’ll send ya a reminder! WOOT!!!






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Mama said share.

~So. Remember that time I promise you an amazing surprise today? Um, well…

I lied.

Not on purpose, trust- no one is more disappointed than me that we have to wait… but it’s only a couple days, chickadees. I promise by the end of this week, you shall be privy to my fantabulous news… 

*cue suspenseful music, slash, me feeling like a total ahole* ~

Anyway, back to our regular programming for the time being…

You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

B’s friend K is over and showing us his stylish new glasses, or as he calls them, his “FIRIN’ GLASSES.”

Firin' glasses.

K: Do you guys have glasses?

B: Yeah, I had glasses once. But then I lost them so I never got them again. They make your eyes weaker. Fuck that noise. I’m a MAN!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I’ve mentioned, this Friday is our two-year anniversary. My present for B is stashed in my closet, but his present for me hasn’t come yet. Not being someone who can ever wait for anything, I’ve been begging him to let me give him his since it arrived…

Me: Pleeeeeeeeeease can I give you your present?

B: No!

*We’re watching Tosh.0, as they feature a video mocking homeless people*

B: Did you get me a homeless person?

Me: No, but that’d be AWESOME. Then we’d have a dishwasher!!!

I know. So wrong. Blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A smelly B arrives home from his soccer game, and I have a flashback to the last time he came home, which somehow resulted in his vile soccer socks being draped over my (yes, still unpacked) luggage bag from Vegas.

Me: Don’t you put your dirty soccer socks on my suitcase this time!!!

B: *shrugs* I can’t help it, baby, that’s the Drying Place!

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Trying to find a new show on Netflix Watch Instantly, we stumble across “Satisfaction,” a series featuring the working gals of an Australian brothel.

Me: Um, I’m not so sure about this one.

B: You’re always so against me wanting to see 18 year old shirtless girls! You never support any of my hobbies!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My present better be something amazeballs.

Mama said share.

You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In bed, Axe Murderer is within grabbing distance…

B: Hey, grab me a cat!

I snatch her up and try to cat-wrangle her, but fail… and she jumps away, using my left boob as a platform.

Me: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

B: That’s what you get for grabbing her.

Me: You told me to grab you a cat!!!!

B: Psssh. If I told you to jump off a bridge would you do it?

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On gchat…

Me:  I don’t want to work out tonight. I’m periody.

B:  I dont want to work out either… I’m sympathy-periody.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While watching Dexter; the main character is having a hard time assisting a friend suffering from lung cancer with suicide…

Me: Would you kill me if I was suffering like that?

B: Totally.

Me: You WOULD?

B: Sure. {All tender and shit} You know, if you really wanted me to.

Moments later, the conversation turns to the notion that Murray and Axe Murderer will, in fact, pass on one day.

B: Stop! No! They’ll never leave us!!

Me: OH. So you can cavalierly discuss going all Kevorkian on me, but the mere mention of our cats dying someday is unthinkable?!

B: Pretty much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As we’re about to watch Vampire Diaries…

B: Ready for some VD?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Domestic bliss, my friends.

Mama said share.

You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While watching “Aladdin”…

Me: Is Jasmine hotter than me?

B: Well… she has a tiger! I’m sorry, baby… but yes, she is more desirable than you.

Me: Asshole!

B: Oh, come on. If you were dating a guy with a TIGER?!

Me: Okay, okay! Fair point.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On gchat…

Me: how’s your day?

(time passes)

B:  going good
hows yours?

Me:  three hours later!

B:  sorry love, i was playing soccer

Me:  you don’t love me at all.

B:  that’s it. i didn’t know how to break it to you other than being late to responding via gchat. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While watching “Sixteen and Pregnant”…

Me: Oh!

B: What?

Me: She’s painting the baby’s toenails!! That kind of looks like fun. Like a doll! Maybe babies aren’t so bad after all.

B: Whoa, there. I will buy you a fucking doll. With HUMAN toenails. And change them out weekly, if that’s what it takes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On gchat, having some ridiculous fake argument.

B: yeah, try to hide
  bam.

Me: the hell?

B: why dont you type “what”

Me: shorthand baby. it’s what all the cool kids do

B: you crazy kids and your V.
  …see what i did there, i shorthanded the D.

Me: hahahahahaha

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My lovelies, I want to thank you from the tippy-toe bottom of my heart for all your comments yesterday. I always feel a bit weird when I get all… well… SERIOUS, around here, so your support really means the world to me. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone.

/schmoop

That said, today is my Friday because I am OFF to the Keys to watch my very first bff tie the knot!

C U Next… (oh, awkward, but…) Tuesday!!!

Mama said share.

Just in case anyone hasn’t gotten the memo that TMIT has come to a sad but triumphant end, I figured I’d give you a touch of it today so that no one’s world was completely shattered.

Consider this your TMI methadone, you crazy addicts.

At brunch last weekend…

Me: Lex, why don’t you share that tiny insignificant detail from your childhood that you failed to mention to any of us before? You know, the one about your dad you JUST told me this week?

Maxie and Katie look at her quizzically.

Lexa: Well, when I was little, one of my dad’s part-time jobs was as building maintenance to this block of apartment homes. It wasn’t exactly a great neighborhood, but not terrible. I would tend to tag along on the weekends as he snaked sinks, fixed wires, etc.

Well, one weekend, a domestic assault ended in murder and guess who he brought along to clean it up? There was blood and papers and just crap strewn everywhere. The best part, or worst part? Is he let me take shit from the apartment. I got a coveted copy of Guns ‘n Roses, use Your Illusion II.

I still listen to it occasionally and thank that poor woman for dying as I rock out to “You Could Be Mine.”

*Silence*

Katie: Your dad brought you to a MURDER SCENE??

Lexa: Yeah. That was kinda fucked up. I forget about it… and then I’m like… oh yeah. That happened.

Me: Wait wait wait. I have an idea. Maybe this could be the answer to why you can’t deal with bathroom humor!!! Don’t people empty their bowels when they die??

Maxie: They do! That’s it! Lex, was the body covered in feces?!?

Me: It’s okay, you’re in a safe place now. Finally, we’re getting somewhere!

Lexa: You idiots. The BODY wasn’t still there!

Maxie & me: There, there. *stroking hair* It’s okay now. We’ve got you. We’ll get you to make a fart joke yet!

Katie and Lexa shake their heads pityingly.

I love my friends.

Mama said share.