Shop for cheap magazine subscriptions on sale every day.

As it turns out, something fairly simple, actually…

Maxie on the left, Jenn on top, mine on the right.

This week while at the beach, we finally got the “hashtats” we’ve been talking about since we dreamed them up in Vegas. And before you try to tell me that Twitter won’t last forever (insert Captain Obvious joke here), this symbol isn’t about my favorite social networking site. It’s representative of everything wonderful in my life I owe to social media, most importantly, the two BFFs who got it with me (soon to be three, Cara!!) - friends I never, ever would have met without blogging, the tweeter, and all the rest. I think my girl Meghan said it best…

“	#FF to @rachaelgk and @ihatesomuch for proving in ink this week that the friends you make on the Internet sometimes last a lifetime xo
	PirateMeghan June 24, 2011

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It’s cute, it’s teal, it makes me smile every time I see it, and it looks hot in heels.

I? Am in love.

Mama said share.

There are many different types of blogs in this world. Industry blogs, dating blogs, financial blogs, news blogs, pop culture blogs, mommy blogs… you name it, someone’s writing about it.

But what I consider this place to be, and the type of blog I relate to, are “lifestyle” blogs. People who talk about the interesting things that happen to them; momentous life events, hopes and dreams, funny stories, and the like. And if I had to wager a guess, the vast majority of posts from these blogs involve one little thing we can ALL relate to:

VENTING.

Delightfully exaggerated, unadulterated hatred for the minute, yet uncompromisingly annoying day-ins and day-outs of our lives. The endless atrocities that strangers, traffic, and small children commit against us each and every day. Dare I say, a lot of this very blog revolves around such things; in fact, if you click on my post category “hatred“, there are some 25 posts there alone. While I don’t think this is unusual, as writing is often a therapeutic outlet for frustration, I do sometimes worry that all you guys see of me is the haterade. It’s only natural- we as humans are much more likely to share a bad experience than a good one, because dammit, commiseration feels GOOD, yo. But I don’t want that to be the only side of me shown here.

Truly, I am a lover. I love LOTS of stuff. I love dive bars, wine, red meat, brunch, cats, rollercoasters, cheeseburgers, and- believe it or not- even a sizeable handful of people in this world.

(Sidebar: while we’re on this topic, are you one of those people who says you “love to laugh” in your social media bio? Because ZOMG YOU MUST BE THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO LIKES THAT! You are so original. I bet you also don’t like having the flu, and that you prefer Fridays to Mondays! Let’s bond over our mutual affinity for being happy rather than sad together!!)

Whoops… a little venting fell out. Moving on!

So, to mix it up, here’s some of the GOOD in my life – those little things that will make me love you, almost as quickly as standing on the left side of the escalator will make me shank you.

What?

Things That Will Make Me Instantly Adore You:

(thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!)

Making a “there’s always money in the banana stand…” reference.

Belting out a song in public, karaoke or impromptu. (Extra points as the song gets more embarrassing.)

Giving your seat on the bus to a lady, a munchkin, someone older, etc.

Being fully aware of, accepting, and openly discussing your flaws (not in a debbie-downer way; just a self aware, “I’m working on this” way).

Admitting when you’re wrong.

Giving me an honest opinion in the dressing room. I am depending on you to set me up for (booty) success, here.

Expressing a love for meat. (Extra points for meat wrapped in other meat.)

YES and also PLEASE.

Not being afraid to cancel our grandiose plans of sight-seeing or museums in favor of getting tipsy and people watching. (Also see: recognizing the inherent value in getting tipsy and people watching).

Showing up at my house with an awesomely bad movie and three bottles of wine… for the two of us.

Openly weeping tearing up at children’s movies. (Up, Wall-E, Toy Story 3, I’m looking at you.)

Getting me a wee present when you go on vacation, just because you wished I was there.

Knowing that women have a right to their bodies, and everyone has a right to get married.

Only judging me a little when I openly mock jeggings for months, and then maybe sort of buy a pair… (only for boots! I swear!)

Tipping the bartender… well.

Not having a ginormous stick up your ass. (This shouldn’t be as hard to find as it is.)

Surrounding yourself with quality people who are funny, welcoming, and also don’t have ginormous sticks up their asses.

Come to think of it, I may just change my Twitter bio to “I totally don’t have a stick up my ass, even if I did hypocritically buy a pair of jeggings.” Thoughts?

Mama said share.

Unsurprisingly, I often end up in discussions about social media with people. It’s what I love, it’s what I do for a living- it’s an ongoing supplement to nearly everything in my life. No matter how much fun it was, an event didn’t really happen until it’s been tweeted, “liked”, and checked into.

(If mimosas are consumed, but no one twitpics it, did brunch ever really happen?)

So, yes, social media is a big part of my life. And in my conversations with people about it- especially clients- we often end up talking about the different platforms, what they’re for… and which is my favorite.

If you know me at all, you know I’m a Twitter gal. I get my news from Twitter. I make friends on Twitter. Twitter brings me Charlie Sheen jokes and endless cat pictures/comics/videos/accessories on the daily. If it wasn’t for Twitter, I would never have seen this:

Or this:

Hell, I think in Twitter. I absolutely love the challenge of trying to fit a entire witty, intelligent, informative, hilarious, or otherwise complete AND interesting sentiment into 140 characters. Less, if I can. It’s like a never ending game where people are constantly forced to share only what really matters if they want to get their point across.

If only real life was like Twitter, with everyone forced to be efficient with their words! There’d be no more long-winded, boring, redundant explanations from bosses. No more horrible phone calls where you’re trapped and can’t get a word in edgewise to say goodbye.

Guys. Guys!!!!

THERE WOULD BE NO MORE SMALL TALK.

Think about it. On Twitter, you’re surrounded by a world of veritable strangers. Most of them are simple, beloved e-friends- people you share a love of the West Wing or bears wearing hats with- nothing more.

If I read something on Twitter that’s not interesting to me, I simply don’t engage. You only talk about the things you want to, with the people who want to… and even then, only in short bursts.

I. Freaking. LOVE it.

No one on Twitter ever says “hey, what’s up?” just to say something, like they do in real life, on the phone, in emails- even on Facebook. On Twitter, someone only @’s you to say: “Look at this cat wearing a monocle!” or “Honey badger don’t care! Honey badger don’t give a sh*t!!!”

And this makes me very, very happy.

P.S. Yes… I realize this entire post makes me sound like a female Ron Swanson. Well, just call me Ronnette. Now where are my cornrows??

(Though I do think Ron would appreciate the Sheen Pyramid of Greatness…)

Mama said share.

And on it goes!!!

Yesterday, we managed to get my dream boat Aziz Ansari to follow me on Twitter. (I love you Aziz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Today? We amp it up a bit. Today, friends… today, we humbly ask for the endorsement of the greatest new comedy out there (who JUST announced Season 2 starts September 23rd!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH)

That’s right, folks. COMMUNITY.

Twitter the following to get my comedic heroes to follow and support me as the MTV TJ candidate!!!

@JoelMcHale If you follow and RT @LivitLuvit for the @MTVTJ, she’s vowed to stop saying “It’s Miley!” in that voice from The Soup.

@MrDonaldGlover @DannyPudi If you follow and RT @LivitLuvit for the @MTVTJ, she’ll vlog a cover of “The Biblioteca” song. HALF CHECK- thank you Danny!!!! You are so freaking funny, I seriously rewatch your scenes over and over. Not in a creepy way… Now let’s get Donald!!!

@alisonbrie I heard @LivitLuvit has a huge girl crush on you, and if you follow and RT her for the @MTVTJ, she’ll learn to do the Charleston! CHECK!!! B is gonna be so jealous when I tell him she’s following me!!! Thanks Alison!

@kenjeong She’ll never look half as sexy as you in a tiger leotard, but could you follow and RT @LivitLuvit for the @MTVTJ?

@yvettenbrown We’ll all vote #Community for choice breakthrough show http://TeenChoiceAwards.com if you follow & RT @LivitLuvit for @MTVTJ! - CHECK!!! THANK YOU YVETTE!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 Go vote for Community now!!!

@GillianJacobs If you follow and RT @LivitLuvit for the @MTVTJ, she’ll be your spirit animal. Help her #savethefurbabies! CHECK!!!! I love you Gillian! EVERYONE WATCH COMMUNITY ALL THE TIME! Do nothing else!!!

We’re going to have to pull out the big guns for this one, no doubt. If you’re unfamiliar, and shame on you, then let me show you it.

Here’s why you should desperately want to get a beer with Donald Glover:

Here’s why you should want to put Danny Pudi in your pocket and keep him with you at all times:

Here’s why Ken Jeong is way, way more than just the MTV Movie Awards tiger song:

Here’s why I kind of want to lez it out for Allison Brie and Yvette Nicole Brown:

Here’s why you should heart Gillian Jacobs (after all, she’s TV-boned Joel McHale- JEALOUS):

Here’s why, in a nutshell, this show is the greatest thing ever on television for all time:

And finally, here’s why you should yearn for my golden unicorn, the ridiculously hot and twice as funny Joel McHale:

(Um, if you have a crush on Joel as big as I do… feel free to jump to the two minute mark. DELISH.)

Okay, friends!!! So you know what we have to do! GO FORTH, INTERNET ARMY!!!! Don’t you want to see me try to rap the biblioteca song?!

Mama said share.

Well, okay. That’s not EXACTLY what they said… but it’s how I’m taking it.

My love of Aziz knows no bounds. He IS the show Parks & Rec (step aside, The Office, there’s a new kid in town), his stand up is ridiculous, and he hosted with the mosted at MTV’s Movie Awards last month.

When tickets for his show here in DC in September (SO CLOSE!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!) went on sale, I bought SIX faster than a Delorean can travel through time. Or something.

I mean, seriously. Resistance is futile, ladeeeeeeeeeeez:

See to believe:

Excuse me… I just lizzed myself.

Okay, SO! Here’s what I need you to do to help me win this challenge by getting the coolest celeb follower around town:

Tweet the following, (or get creative if you want!) Let’s blow up my brown hero’s timeline so that HE can’t resist following ME!!!!

@azizansari – Will you be @LivitLuvit’s Kanye West and follow her on Twitter? Help her become the first @MTVTJ!

You guys have been AMAZING, and we’re almost there… we can do this!!!!

UPDATE: WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But our work’s not done! The more the better, so get on the tweet and tell YOUR favorite celeb why they should follow me! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Mama said share.

My arrival to Boston last Thursday coincided with the following tweets…

“I’m on a plane to SEE him and my dad is still emailing me tardy cat videos. God, I love my family.”

“Well, hello, Bahstun. You’re looking very white. (Double entendres are fun!)”

“Just saw a cab in Boston called “The Ride”. I wonder if that was its Jersey Shore generated nickname.”

My dad and sister picked me up, and we sang holly jolly Christmas carols the whole way home… until a rendition of Silver Bells stopped us up.

Me: Hmmm. Is this Stevie Wonder?

Dad: No, it’s a woman singing.

Me: No way. It’s definitely a black man.

Dad: Listen to it, it’s absolutely a woman!

(we listen for a few moments…)

Dad: Actually… I think it’s Michael Jackson.

Me: So we’re both right!

We continued to battle the Mass Pike and finally made it home, where I was greeted at the door by this.

Clearly, this is the family from whence I came.

Love.

We had some of my family’s oldest friends over on Christmas Eve, where my mother shared her all-time FAVORITE joke with us… at the dinner table.

“What’s brown and sticky?”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“A stick.”

I won’t lie. I snarfed my meatball chowder at that one.

So, Christmas at my house has always been… a bit of a spectacle. I don’t know when or how it started, but every year, we have a “theme” of some sort. One year it’s sock monkeys, another it’s flamingos… you get the idea.

This year? It was ugly Christmas sweaters… and the most ridiculous hats my mother could find.

Trust me... it's a blessing that it's blurry.

The stockings, "by" the chimney with care.

Embracing my roots... however they may emerge.

Rocking my champagne, klassy style.

Just a little casual civilized chatter on Christmas morning.

This was from four people. FOUR. My family is insane.

All in all, it was the most perfect day in the world… just like it is every year.

/Schmoop.

Other tweetings through the weekend…

“I AM WATCHING JULIE AND JULIA WITH MY FAMILY AND GAIL THE SNAIL IS IN IT AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. The pain. It is PALPABLE.”

“My father just referred to me as their (four pound) dog’s “big sister”. Apparently, I have some Yorkie in my bloodline I was unaware of.”

“My mom just downloaded Chumbawumba to her new Droid as a ringtone. … ‘Nuff said.”

“There is a girl who looks like @clevelandsaplum‘s doppelganger across the restaurant. Trying to resist the urge to squee and hug her silly.”

“I feel like Blair Waldorf with my headband in this awesomely dirty Worcester bar.”

“Me, to sis: “Wanna go to Target?” Sis: “Mehhhhhhh… let’s go to WalMart instead… so I don’t have to put on pants.”

“THE DOLLAR TREE JUST RICK ROLLED ME. Love it!!!!”

Hope yours was just as- well, maybe HALF as- ridiculous as mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Announcements:

1. I did the round-up for DCBlogs.com today! Check it out.

2.I won’t be doing a TMI Thursday tomorrow, as no one’s really around… but we’ll be back in full force next week with another Post Secret version. Keep sending ‘em in!

3. Hey… did you get a chance to vote for me on 20SB yet? Just sayin.

Mama said share.

Is a 20SB Bootleg award.

Or six.

I found out today, and am completely and totally honored that, I’m (for the first time!) a “finalist” nominee for the following 20SB “award” categories…

Funniest Blogger (I’m going to hope this is “with”, not “at”… but we all know the truth)

Best Commenter (cause I heart you twerps)

Least Likely To Be “Marked As Read” (awww, love that!)

Blogger I’d Share A Drink With (I will admit… much like Charlie, I am fun to drink with)

Most Awkward Blogger (no surprise here. Love it.)

And last, but oh-so-NOT-least…

Best. Freaking. Female. BLOGGER!!!!!

ROCK.

So, look, guys. I know this is just a weebit shameless. But, if you do for some reason think that maybe I would be worthy of one (or all- yes, I am totes greedy like that) of these awards I’ve been put up for, please go vote here!

Or just click this...

It would make my day. Or at least my hour. And you could even, like, tweet this, if you wanted to. Who knows… maybe your finger will just slip on that cute little blue “t” icon down there. That’s it… the one right under this post.

Anyhoo, no matter what happens, thank you so much for the nods in the first place… I am truly flattered!

LOVE YOUR FACES.

Mama said share.

I usually try not to offend too much at this little place (guys! GUYS! I said that with a straight face!!)… but Andhari’s hilarious plea for more… ahem, “colorful” bloggers to be nominated for the 20SB “featured blogger” yesterday has inspired me.

Dear oh-so-boring tweeters on Twitter (and Facebook-status-updaters)…

You really grind my gears.

“I had a ham sandwich for lunch! It was mediocre!”

“Me too! Let’s be besties 4-eva!”

And the back and forth convos that no one else in any way needs to see?

“Are we meeting at 6:30?”

“Better make it 6:35, I have to brush my teeth!”

Guess who cares? Go on, guess. We’ll wait.

NO ONE.

I mean, I’m sure I’ve gotten drunk  before and twittered something inane, like “mmmm… jumbo slice“. Sometimes you just have to throw out a simple “Thanks!” or “Happy Birthday, Jane!” It happens; we all get a few freebies. But come on, people. For the most part, unless it’s funny, witty, bitchy, complimentary, or about something horrible that happened to you… I don’t want to hear it. I don’t think any of us do.

And what is the obvious solution to this problem… don’t read them, right? And so I don’t. I rarely look at the timeline, and I only use it when people say something “@” me. Same for Facebook… I pretty much only log in when I’ve got a request or something.

Still, it’s kind of sad, because now I’m missing the good stuff too. But I’m sorry, Twitter/Facebook… I just can’t do it anymore.

Bottom line, people?

I love you… BUT…

Think before you tweet.

Mama said share.

Some of you are fortunate crazy enough to follow me on the insanity that is The Twitter.

Shameless plug WHAT!

Some of you are smart enough not to.

To you I say, tough noogies!

Please to enjoy some of the mini-drivels I subject my fellow Twatterers to on the reg…

Me: Am I overbearing? B: *(cheerful as shit)* Only when you’re overbearing!

I just said the word “hizzy”, with hand gestures. I really, really wish I had a picture of B’s face.

Dear Padma: This is like the third pants suit you’ve worn this season. WE ARE OFFICIALLY OVER.

This is really sad, but… finding out that Shift + Tab is “Tab” backwards? One of the ten best things that’s happened to me this year.

Me: Oh, you got tall boys tonight, huh? B: Yeah… it means I have to get off the couch less. On account of the four extra ounces and all.

Only on my blog do the comments turn into The Great Strap-On Debate. Oh, wait… there’s no debate. You’re all for it, apparently.

This is going to sound weird, but the IT guy who just helped me smelled really good.. like a dad who bought you a bike on Christmas morning.

A twee Hispanic man just hissed “lesbian” at me on the street. I look decidedly preppy today. Color me confused.

I am 95% sure the old lady next to me on the bus just pooped herself. Where’s an “Oops I Crapped My Pants” when you need one?!

Me: Is it weird that my go-to insult is to say they look like they have pubic hair on their head? … Don’t answer that. @LexaLemmy: I won’t.

Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! http://tiny.cc/leU3Q The best part? He was already on probation for having sex with the SAME HORSE. via @chasrunner

B shaving off his beard, step 1:

B shaving off his beard, step 2:

B shaving off his beard, step Porno Star:

Me: You just CANNOT get a decent burger in Central America. @lexalemmy: I seriously want to post that to Things White People Say.

Coworker: Welcome back! Oh, you’re not tan. I thought you went to CR? Me: I did… this is super tan for me. Coworker: Oh. … I’m sorry.

In case you don’t want to look through 250 pics, my favorite from Costa Rica… SCOTT BAIO BARTENDER!!!!!!!

B just called me an evil hooker-whore. He then explained that it’s hyphenated when I glared at him with skepticism.

Awkward moment of the day: For some reason, I just told an almost-stranger of a coworker that my vacation was “magical”.

Apparently, Axe Murderer takes after her mama and papa – http://twitpic.com/q1yx1

LOVE IT.

Mama said share.

I want to write a recap. I really, really do.

But honestly… there is just no way I could EVER do this weekend justice. It would be impossible to truly capture. But, for you… I’m going to try.

Use your words…

My favoritest things about this past weekend, a la bullets.

• Maxie admitting she likes 30 Rock.
• All 50 of us bursting into song at Stetson’s. “You say she’s just a friend, but you say she’s just a friend OH BABY YOU!!!!!!!!”
• Actually, all of us bursting into song all weekend long.
• Finally at long last convincing f.B and B to perform “Ebony and Ivory” at karaoke. And by “convincing” I mean “writing their names on the list so they had no choice in the matter”.
• Meeting all the people I’d never groped in person before.
• Stealth-salting everything and everyone in sight.
• Someone shouting “INTERVENTION!!!!!!!!” every 30 seconds.
• Lexa going rampant on people’s heinies all Saturday.
• Much needed brunches and bacon Bloody Marys at Matchbox and Bar Pilar, with a side of laughing so hard it hurt… the entire time.
• Getting awesome and hilarious presents like a pictoral collection of cats wearing wigs, children’s Pooping Instructional books, a penis ice luge, “dirty” Mad Libs, Firefly sweet tea vodka, a pet Snuggie (box altered a la Sharpie to be for a cat instead of dog), a plastic guitar I can drink out of, engraved goblets with our wedding date, some Spanish pornos, an “I Love Jesus” shot glass, some Flava Flav-esque bling, and way, WAY too many vodka and sodas.
• The bartender’s t-shirt at Stetson’s that said “I heart peeing”.
• B treating me like a pretty, pretty princess on my birthday weekend.
• Not vomiting once. (Well, at least not until MONDAY morning… it counts!)
• The sombrero that mysteriously appeared and danced its way over the heads of all #pbandtuna participants.
• Epic dance offs all over the goshdarn place.
• Little lip-liner hearts appearing on people’s chesticles throughout the evening.
• Me going absolutely POSTAL on a strange man who tried to kiss me and pretty much every girl there… and terrifying him to the point that he actually left the bar within about 10 seconds. Do not fuck with me on my special day, Creepy McCreeperson. YOU WILL LOSE.

Our fabulous wedding guests were…

(I hope to Chuck Norris I am not leaving anyone out. PLEASE let me know if I do and I will fix and give you a free dumpster baby or a Tootsie Roll pop or something as reparations.)

12 Minds, A, Alice, anoukange, B, Cavy, Cleveland’s A Plum, Deutlich, dmb5_ libra, DMBosstone, Dysfunction Junction, f.B, flippy, Ginger Mandy, jenniferalaine, JerzeyGrrl, JP, Just A Girl, KassyK, Katertot, Katie Rose, Late- Night Drama Queen, Lemmonex, Lusty Reader, M (Only One Way Down), Malnurtured Snay, Marie, Maxie, Mr. 5280, Pithy Comments, PQ, Rachel Smiles, Restaurant Refugee, Shine Out Loud, Suburban Sweetheart, thebestmichelle, Urban Bohemian,and last but certainly not least, What A Grand World. 

I could not have asked for a better group of people, for reals. And so, as a very special (shameful) treat, I’ve decided to make your ears bleed with a video of the song I serenaded my fiancee with at karaoke on Friday night… there are no words. Please to enjoy.

I’m so ashamed, yet strangely proud… how is that possible?

PB and Tuna is obviously going to be a recurring event. How could we not, after its complete and utter awesome-icity?

Pencil in your calendars, folks. October 23rd, 2010… it’s all going down, AGAIN.

Mama said share.