me: this [potential new job] is scary man.
  what if i’m horrible??

Lil Sis: oh pfft
  you are a competent person.

me: I suppose.
  it doesn’t FEEL like it.

Lil Sis: it does when you are around other people and see how bad they are at things and think “I could do that better”

me: hmm. that does happen a lot.

Lil Sis: and this isn’t just that you could probably do most things better than most people, this is what you are ESPECIALLY good at.
  so you will kick ass.
  there will be sound effects when you walk into a bar.

me: and music?
  can i have theme music?

Lil Sis:  sure.
  it may have to be in your head, but that’s okay.

me: *hums Backstreet’s “Larger Than Life” at my desk*

Mama said share.

A couple hours ago, my mom sent me this crap (love you Mom):

Everyone loves Guns and Roses

I Will Cut You

Born to Rock

Sup, G?

Is that edible?

On second thought…

That’s right baby…I still got it.

Rice Cereal? I don’t need no stinkin’ rice cereal!

OH! Cold Wipes! Cold Wipes!

I can’t believe this place

Yeah.. I just farted

Tell me she did NOT just say that!!

My response:

They’d be funnier if they were cats.

Her response, two hours later:

Like this?

Everyone loves Guns and Roses

I Will Cut You

Born to Rock

Sup, G?

Is that edible?

On second thought…

That’s right baby…I still got it.

Rice Cereal? I don’t need no stinkin’ rice cereal!

OH! Cold Wipes! Cold Wipes!

I can’t believe this place

YOU just farted!

Tell me she did NOT just say that!!

Me: Holy… did you just MAKE that?!

Mom: Yes. Don’t tell anyone.

Me: You’re my hero.

Mama said share.

If you will remember from yesterday’s post about how kickass my fave local band Redline Addiction is (are you following them on the Tweet yet? Liked them on Facebook? Bought their albums??? GET ON IT!)- there’s another very important part to this Challenge; the “Personal” aspect.

Personal: What three musical moments have impacted your life most?

Let’s do this.

Moment The First!

When I was still a wee Masshole in the 4th grade, I got my very first CD. I played it over and over and over and OVER until I’m sure my parents wished I’d never heard of that hot new band…

ACE OF BASE!!!!!

Not only did I have the album on repeat for the better part of 1994, my teeny bopper pals and I choreographed an entire dance routine to “The Sign”- a very, very literal one- and performed it at my elementary school’s talent show for all the world to see.

Even as a munchkin, I knew not what “embarrassment” was. And I’m about to prove that I remember every. last. move…

It was cuter when I was 10. Promise.

(The crimped hair, BoSox t-shirt, and super-flared jeans are all throw backs to my years as a 90′s kid in New England. Wicked pissah, right??)

Moment The Second!

When we made it to middle school and decided that Swedish pop bands weren’t cool enough for us anymore, my super edgy friends and I dove into the swing and ska phase that swept the nation. (I guess we weren’t so edgy after all, huh.)

I’ve always loved the old school big bands and brass boys- Glenn Miller, Duke, Dizzy, Benny Goodman, Louie Armstrong. But with the arrival of Reel Big Fish, Less Than Jake, and the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies (whose album my father refused to buy me- ha!)- my love of horns suddenly had a modern place in my life.

When The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, my MOST FAVORITE BAND EVER IN THE WORLD WORLD AT LEAST THIS MONTH ANYWAY I’M A TEENAGER AND I’M FICKLE, YO!!! came to town, I begged and begged and begged my parents to let me go to my very first concert, unsupervised, on New Year’s Eve, with a pack of 14 year olds. They said no approximately 4,389 times… and then relented just in time for a very convenient Christmas present.

We were having an okay time at the Worcester Centrum, but we wanted to get down to the floor where the actual skanking was going on! Only problem was, you needed a very fancy (read: expensive) orange wristband to do it.

So, we did what any kid would do. We bought king-sized Reese’s cups (orange!), and folded the wrappers into “bracelets.”

I don’t think we fooled the guards for one second, but they must have felt sorry for our pimply little faces, because they let us onto the floor, where we proceeded to have the Best. Night. Ever. Of our pathetic adolescent little lives, anyway.

I still have that Reese’s wrapper.

Moment The Third!

Throughout my life, whenever someone has asked me who my favorite artist of all time is, I’ve not once hesitated. It is, without question, Billy My Main Man Joel.

As long as I can remember, his songs have moved me like no one else’s. Scenes from an Italian Restaurant, She’s Always a Woman, The Entertainer, Piano Man, Captain Jack, We Didn’t Start the Fire, The Longest Time, Uptown Girl… (well, okay… ALL OF THEM, basically).

And yes, especially “Only the Good Die Young,” even though I will never forget this moment; my father and I were driving home listening to it (Hi, Dad!), and at the tender and awkward age age of 16, I proudly belted out every last word. He pulled into the driveway, stopped the car, looked at me, and said,

“Do you know what that song is about?”

OHMIGOD OHMIGOD WE ARE SO NOT HAVING THIS TALK RIGHT NOW EFFFFFF MY LIFE!!!!!!

Somehow, that moment passed without me dying. And years later, when I finally- finally- got to see my musical hero live in Madison Square Garden… that is a night I will never, ever forget.

It is, undoubtedly, one of the very biggest checks on my Bucket List.

LOVE YOU BILLY, you musical genius you!!!

Bonus Round!

I promised to RickRoll a bar if y’all got me to 3,500 followers on Twitter, and by George, you did it. So last Friday at our DC Amazeballs Happy Hour, I dragged the crew over to one of my favorite spots in town, Fado, who not only allowed us to partake, they supported me throughout with Tweets and Facebook posts. You guys are the best!

Karaoke has always been one of my favorite extracurricular activities, and the Ginger’s is often my go-to song… so in short? I’d say we rocked it.

Update: So, I just watched the Ace of Base and Rick Astley videos and succession, and I realized that my skills as a choreographer are currently EXACTLY the same as they were when I was 10.

Like the post tag says, it’s a good thing I make a mean martini. (And a mean tweet. There’s no dancing in tweeting, right, MTV?!)

Mama said share.

Hey there, cowboy! Get ready, cause I’m about to crack an egg of knowledge all over your head.

And by “knowledge” I mean pure, unadulterated awesome.

My father is to thank for sending me this shitshow of awkward-yet-mind-blowing-hilariousity I’m about to drop on you…

It really is no surprise where I came from, is it?

Happy long weekend 4th of July, poodlekins! If that video’s not freaking American, I don’t know what is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey! Have you tweeted yet today? (If you don’t know what this is about, please to clicky here!)

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite contestant in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj

(Feel free to get creative, the above suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

The actual VOTING will start on July 7, and it will be via Facebook. (I know, the irony…) Anyway! You will only get to have to vote once, so make sure we’re Facebook friends and I’ll send ya a reminder! WOOT!!!

Mama said share.

(FYI? This was entirely out of the blue, around 3pm yesterday. We had not spoken all day.)

Lil Sis: OMG I was just in the work kitchen for like 5 minutes, and I just sat back at my desk, looked down, and I had gotten like a gallon of sauce on my khaki pants.
      Now that I’ve washed most of it off, I of course look like I peed myself.

Me: *dying laughing* You are SO my sister.

Lil Sis: I still have a suspicious orangey patch. I can’t wait to go home where I don’t have to be hampered by all these clothes!

Me: Omg stop, you are making me laugh OUT LOUD. … (That’s “lol” if you’re a cool kid.)

Lil Sis: LOL I HATE CLOTHES THEY ARE TOO MUCH WORK

Me: I go through this every morning. If I didn’t have to dress myself every day, my life would improve by 50% betterness. Fact.

Lil Sis: I can handle shirts.

Me: See, I’m a dress girl. It’s the onesie for adults.

Lil Sis: I just don’t understand why there are any situations in life where jeans aren’t appropriate!

Me: Agreed. It’s 2010 people! Obama’s getting rid of the tie, for God’s sake, let’s GET RID OF THE PANT.

Lil Sis: Well first of all, if I wear a dress there’s no place to clip my badge so I’ll be getting locked out all day.

Me: I just make a place- bunch a little bit of it. It’s extra sexy.

Lil Sis: But most importantly, to wear a dress I have to have freshly-shaven legs. And that’s more work than clean pants!

Me: Says who? No one really looks. You just can’t go out in the sunshine. Vampire ftw!

Lil Sis: Says my white skin and dark brown hair. This is why jeans are heaven… never wrinkled, never look dirty, no exposure. Mmmmmmmmm jeans.

Me: I’m with ya. Preaching to the choir here. … Except that it’s been 100 degrees for a month.

Lil Sis: Well, clearly clothes are the devil.

Me: With that, sweet sister, I concur.

Just another Xmas in the LiLu household.*

*Disclaimer: My sister is insisting I inform you that these sweaters were donned ironically. Well, DUH.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey! Have you tweeted yet today? (If you don’t know what this is about, please to clicky here!)

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite contestant in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj

(Feel free to get creative, the above suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

The actual VOTING will start on July 7, and it will be via Facebook. (I know, the irony…) Anyway! You will only get to have to vote once, so make sure we’re Facebook friends and I’ll send ya a reminder! WOOT!!!






Yes, this is an ad. Mama is poor, yo:

We offer 100% successes guarantee for real exam using expert 1Y0-A15 notes, N10-004 video demos and 1Y0-456 practice exam.

Mama said share.

~Hey! Are you reading this in a Reader? That’s cool… don’t want the man to see you being lazy, for sure. But do me a wee favor and click here, just for a second, if you don’t mind… *vague and mysterious ftw*~

So! My (23 year old) baby sister joined the rat race a few weeks ago. Though we both built character worked through college, she was in restaurants and bank teller-ing, so she’s never had the full-fledged “Office Space” experience before.

It’s been beyond hilarious for me to witness her (via many gchat conversations) discover all the horrible things that come along with the cubicle farm environment, like crotchety old coworkers, bathroom trials and tribulations (the stand-off!!!), pretending to looking busy, avoiding getting dragged into a “lunch group,” etc. etc.

One of the biggest things we both despise about working with people-we-didn’t-choose in a professional setting is, of course, the small talk.

OH GOD, the small talk. If I could banish its existence from this world, I would. I would make everyone’s mouth disappear the moment they tried to talk about the weather, or their kid’s birthday party, or their irritable bowel syndrome.

It would be magical.

But alas, I have no unicorn to speak of, and so we must suffer through it.

Anyhoo, as she was mocking her coworkers yesterday for their endless droning on about insignificant stuff ‘n things, the following conversation ensued…

Lil Sis: seriously, they’re talking about fucking BJs right now
  like literally what things cost

me: who!

Lil Sis: work people

me: *silence*

Lil Sis: You can get 14 bars of Lever soap for like $7!

me: OH
  oh my god.

Lil Sis: RIGHT?

me: um… NOT what i thought you meant when you said BJs.

Lil Sis: ooooo hahahahaha

Apparently, I’ve been away from Massachusetts so long, I’ve forgotten that BJ’s can also mean this:

I kill myself.

Also, now I’m kind of wondering about what they cost.

And not the wholesale kind.




P.S. Thanks to DC Blogs for the shout-out to my neon orange Jersey Shore tribute/condemnation yesterday!

(I’m probably bipolar.)

Mama said share.

Okay, so.

If you’ve basically ever been here to my corner before, you probably know that about 95% of B’s and my weekend time is generally spent pantsless on our couch, drinking beer and trying to make our cats wear bumblebee hats. (And if you don’t know me by now…)

I kid, I kid. If you just read that sentence, you’re pretty much up to speed.

ANYHOO, this particular weekend was spent with all four of our parents.

No, like, ALL of it. (I know.)

And I love them dearly. I do. But between a trip to Baltimore (Go Sawx!), a two hour trek to Eastern Market on a twisted ankle, a late night at the DC Improv, and a movie here or there, I could die dead right at my desk right now and pretty much be totally okay with it because at least MY EYES WOULD BE CLOSED AND I WOULD NOT BE MOVING.

Heaven.

Note to self: Next time? Take Monday off from work.

P.S. to self: Don’t let there be a next time.

(Kidding, Mom. You are my everything.)

Anyhoosits, my point is that I am fucking tired. So, here… have some bullets.

Go on, take them. They’re not rollover or anything!

(God, I hate those commercials.)

• If you know me, you know that I adore the DC Improv with all of my heart and soul. Saturday’s show did not disappoint, but they never do, and here’s why. I’ve probably been there a dozen times, and lately I’ve noticed that this guy Tim Miller is almost always the host/MC/first comic up. And he. Is. HILARIOUS. Honestly, I think he’s better than the headliner most of the time. Find a way to check this man out, y’all. His regular set is amazing, but my favorite thing about him is his ability to play off the audience for, oh, ten minutes at a time. To me, THAT is the measure of a great comic. And he gets an A+++.

(Did I mention he was funny?)

• Today might, just might, be my two year Blogoversary. Woot. I WAS going to do something really cool to celebrate, but then I happened to notice that I’m only a few hundred away from hitting the 20,000 comment mark… and frankly, I think that’s a helluva lot cooler. That marks the fact that this is a community; a place where discussion goes on. And frankly, I’m a lot more proud of having created that. So, when I do hit that mark, I’ll be having a giveaway THEN… because obviously this is all about you, not me. Also? The giveaway is entirely awesome, boozy, and a little bit illegal. What’s not to love?

(Oh, hi Feds… how you doing? Um, it’s not THAT illegal… I promise to check people’s Facebooks to make sure they’re 21! Swear it! Hey, why are you looking behind m- oh, of course I’m not crossing my fingers! Come on now… who even does that anymore… I’m almost 26 years old, for chrissake’s. Let go of my arm! KNIBB HIGH FOOTBALL RULES!!!!!!!)

• Speaking of turning 26 in LESS THAN A MONTH, Maxie and I have chosen a venue for our wedding/co-birthday party. It will be UPSTAIRS at Stetson’s at 16th and U Street at 9pm on Saturday, October 17th. So stick THAT in your hat. Or in your calendar. Mostly in your calendar. Or your calendar’s hat. I’m not picky.

As of right now, we have out of towners from Colorado, Los Angeles, Florida, Detroit, Boston, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Toronto, and CHICAGO!!!! traveling to hang out with the already enormous D.C. crew.

(Gwen, you don’t even KNOW what bananas looks like. Let us show you it.)

That’s all I got. Excuse me while I go collapse now. In the FACE.

Mama said share.

So…

I love you guys. No, really. You were absolutely amazing yesterday- I can’t thank you enough for all your words and support. It felt like one Southern gramma big bear hug, and I honestly can’t find to tell you how grateful I am to have all of you, and this little world.

One comment in particular brought a little “No I am NOT crying I was just cutting onions!!!” to my eye… maybe because clairemontgomerymd is a mama, (btw- read my favorite “Mary” story of hers here, it is PRICELESS), but also because she just put this whole bloggysphere thing we have going on into words so damn perfectly. Check it out:

dear mrs. lilu,
blogging is kind of like one big never-ending cyber-slumber party. we’re all playing extreme truth or dare while we laugh and cry together but when asked what we’re doing, the answer is always ‘nothing’. eavesdrop a little, but turn away with a knowing grin that we’re all going to be alright. especially lilu. your daughter rocks. she makes a lot of people’s days much brighter. she’s genuine and brilliant. you’ve done raised her right. we love her and we love you for sharing with us your baby girl. now wipe your tears and make her buy you something pretty for being the best mom ever! seriously – take advantage of this opportunity.

See? SEE??? Isn’t your heart, like, a whole lot warmer now??

*sigh of contentment*

All right, now that that’s over, let’s get on with the gross stuff! (Sorry, mamakins)…

But it is my girl Maxie‘s Would You Rather Wednesday!

So, would you rather…

A)  Get caught masturbating by (on) your friend’s mom…

Grandma’s Boy – More amazing video clips are a click away

or…

B)  Catch one of your PARENTS masturbating? [video clip redacted for all of our sanity]

Think about that…

Hate me yet? xoxo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Housekeeping: Maxie and I have had to change the date of our wedding, due to the fact that I am an idiot and double-booked a weekend.

All my best friends are SHOCKED right now, let me tell you… this is their surprised face:

Anyhoosits, the festivities will now be on Saturday, the 17th of October, rather than the 24th. Everything else shall remain the same. Except that you have one week less to buy us shit that we will then have to incorporate into the ceremony somehow.

Just kidding.

Maybe.

Mama said share.

I had, let’s see… I think the technical jargon is “A BOMB” dropped on me this weekend.

The lovely woman that I call “Mother” stumbled- entirely innocently- onto this little corner of the interwebs.

The best part? She was worried when she found it… yeah, she was worried, about ME being upset, that I would feel like my privacy had been violated.

Now that’s a great Mom.

But you all know that- I’ve told you before how amazing the ‘rents are, and how lucky I am.

I’ve watched a few of you (Desiree, shine) go through the mess of the parents finding you out. How could it not make me think about what I would do in the same situation?

And I’ve always said I would stand by this place. I’m not ashamed of anything on these pages. The good, the bad, the sexy, and the ugly… it’s all true, and it all made me the lovable crackpot you see here today. It’s the story that brought the people I love into my life.

Besides, I started out reading the fascinating blogs of a couple “working” or otherwise sex-i-fied women… And their parents supported them. (Though I bet that discovery was a lot more painful than my own…)

I am proud of what I’ve done here. Honestly, I would have preferred to share it from the start. But asking my mother to keep a secret from my dad never seemed fair, and there are some things a father should never know about his little girl.

So what did Mamakins say? What was her reaction when I called her?

“I’m glad you’re writing.”

Best. Mom. EVER.

So, everybody say hello to the woman (partially) responsible for the TMI Thursday-ing (Mom, don’t click that) crazy pants LiLu you know and hopefully love. She is going to be stopping in from time to time, WHEN I TELL HER SHE CAN. Because she is awesome, and for some reason, she wants to see the mess her baby girl has created on this little slice of the internets.

(Besides, now when Maxie and I finally make it onto Stephen Colbert, it won’t be a shock when you see me dancing to Charlene on national television. That was gonna be your Christmas present!)

So wave with me, y’all;

“HI, MOM!!!!!!”

Mama said share.

Mama said share.