So, you may have heard about this little “awards show” that’s happening on Sunday. I’m not allowed to mention it by name for top secret legal reasons I don’t understand (see sponsored note below), but I’m pretty sure y’all know the one I mean. The one about all the TV shows, with the prizes that are shiny orbs, and most importantly, they brought one of my favorite Brits BACK to host again after he brutally trashed nearly all of America’s Hollywood royalty last year. Which, let’s be honest, I thoroughly enjoyed every second of.

So this year, I plan on backing Ricky up with some cutting witticisms of my own on the tweets, with the help of my three new sassy gay roommates. WATCH OUT.

Why? Because Lean Pockets is hosting a Twitter party for their Live Famously Sweepstakes during the show this year, which means that myself and a bunch of other lovely ladies will all be live tweeting the awards, AND giving away free swag to you all to boot. Each of us will be raffling off a Live Famously swag bag full of all sorts of lovely, shiny things (most notably a $50 spa gift card, what what!)

Even cooler, the #LiveFamously Twitter party is merely a taste of the actual Sweepstakes, which are being hosted by one Perez Hilton and involves a grand prize of a trip to Tinseltown to hang out with him. (NBD.)

The winner and a BFF will be flown to LA to, quite literally, “live like a celeb” for a day. This involves ridiculously fun things like a swanky hotel stay, car service, a $1k shopping spree, a $250 spa experience, and a special concert experience, all hosted by Perez. Imagine how much celeb dirt you’d hear? Answer: ALL OF IT.

The promotion goes until March 31, so you have plenty of time to win one of their daily prizes as well – just head over to their Facebook page for all the deets.

And don’t forget to hang with me at the Twitter party (PANTS OFF DANCE OFF!!! – you know, since we’ll all be at home on our couches in our adult onesies, amiright?) starting this Sunday, 7pm ET! There will be snark and snark and FREE STUFF (and more snark) galore.

~~~~~

FYI! This post (and my pending tweets on Sunday) are sponsored by Nestlé/Lean Pockets. Yes, they totally gave me money for this, but all opinions are very much my own, as is the sass they come with.

Mama said share.

This post is sponsored by Official Streetwear Shop

When I was in the magical land of Bloggers in Sin City last month, our fearless leader Nicole put together the most ridiculous swag bags for us all (emphasis on ridiculous, as they were full of hair tinsel, condoms, panties, and more).

There were a lot of treats in that bag, but you all know I am first and foremost a sucker for anything delicious, so one of my favorites was without a doubt the custom-iced cookie from Bitter Baking Co. Now, the cookie was good – real good – but it’s the company I fell in love with, and here’s why:

Happy Birthday, Asshat

Glad we're getting hitched, we could use some new stuff.

I hear prostitution is recession proof.

I'm thrilled you're going to be gay in public.

Happy Birthday. It's awesome you're still trying.

I wanted to apologize about the sex.

No one thinks you're a slut, lots of people have herpes.

Please enjoy this gift that you cannot sell for drug money.

They just… GET ME.

And from what I know about my readers, they get you, too. So I was stoked when they offered up a batch of cookies of YOUR choice for a giveaway. You can choose from their Snarky Cookies, mix cookie themes, or make your own (including custom photo cookies). So yeah, it’s pretty much just plain awesome.

Comment with your favorite cookie from their site, or an IDEA for a hilarious cookie below to enter! Tweet or share this post on Facebook for an extra entry (please comment that you’ve done so).

Winner will be chosen randomly on Tuesday, July 5, so check back then. Anyone in the US or Canada can enter. Woot!

Mama said share.

Save 66% on an Us Weekly subscription with no auto renewal.

Now, I can dress myself. Rather well, I might add. BUT.

I am, like most of the female population, one of those girls who never has anything to wear. I can barely get into my walk-in closet thanks to all the crap in there, and this is still the case. I buy pieces that I love, but have trouble turning them into outfits. It takes me twenty minutes just to pick my clothes in the morning, and I generally go through five outfits before I find something I don’t hate.

This should not be the case.

So when I saw the opportunity to have a “strategic shopping” session with Kaarin Moore of Closet Caucus that promised to help me sort through my wardrobe woes, I was curious. And after I googled a bit, I decided that she sounded legit (and just lovely to boot), so why not give it a shot?

(She’s also on Twitter, which automatically makes me like any company about 50% more.)

Before our session, she asked me a zillion questions about my style, personality, and what I liked to do. (Me: “Does ‘mimosas’ count as a hobby?”) So when we met up in Georgetown last week, she already had a solid idea of where I was coming from and what I needed to accomplish. We spent a while discussing what I had in my wardrobe already (thereby determining which staples we were on the hunt for that day), and discussing strategies for optimizing my closet as a whole, so that my pieces would all easily fit together and I’d never be left struggling with that WHAT TO WEAR?! question again.

Next, we hit the streets. First, I needed the perfect Little Black Dress, as I hate the 10 or so already in my closet. About five minutes later, we walked out of White House Black Market with an absolutely perfect, high quality, flattering LBD. You’ll probably see it on me at the next happy hour, so get ready, y’all.

After that, JEANS. We headed into Levi’s (Her: “Levi’s has been doing great things lately…” Me: “I don’t care what the label says, as long as they make my ass look good.”) and headed upstairs… to see 4,294 pairs of jeans. I trembled in fear, while Kaarin marched me to a dressing room and returned in five minutes with three pairs.

The first fit well, but wasn’t quite IT.

The second was so perfect, I didn’t even try on the third.

Yes, that’s right. Homegirl found my Cinderella Jeans in TWO. TRIES.

We hit a few other stores where I found some perfect summer dresses for my weddings and conferences I have this summer, a couple adorable cardis, and more. The whole time I was completely comfortable – shopping with Kaarin was honestly more like shopping with a BFF who really knew her shit. (I didn’t hold back – she got the full Rachael… and she didn’t bat an eye. This chick? Is cool.)

The one thing I couldn’t find was the perfect black blazer. A few hours after our session, Kaarin emailed me a link to the exact kind we’d been looking for.

She also sent me an invite to ideeli.com, which, after looking around there, means my wallet is in a LOT of trouble. (If you want an invite, let me know in the comments. I’ll make it happen.)

Now, I know this whole thing sounds like she paid me tons of money to write it.

She didn’t. Not a cent. But after telling a few of my besties about it, they all said they’d be interested in something like this, so I wanted to share. (She’ll also come over to your house and clean out your closet for you, which will probably be my next purchase…)

Anyway, the only thing I’m getting out of this writeup is a 10% discount for you:

Closet Caucus is a fashion and wardrobe consulting company located in Washington, DC. Stylist Kaarin Moore was inspired to start her own business when she found herself becoming the go-to shopping companion for her friends and their friends. Kaarin has a passion for helping clients, from those who are body conscious to clients who are completely uninhibited.

So go forth and fix your wardrobes, ladies. And do it under the guiding hand of Kaarin Moore. (Cinderella jeans. TWO TRIES. You just can’t beat that.)

Mama said share.

There are many different types of blogs in this world. Industry blogs, dating blogs, financial blogs, news blogs, pop culture blogs, mommy blogs… you name it, someone’s writing about it.

But what I consider this place to be, and the type of blog I relate to, are “lifestyle” blogs. People who talk about the interesting things that happen to them; momentous life events, hopes and dreams, funny stories, and the like. And if I had to wager a guess, the vast majority of posts from these blogs involve one little thing we can ALL relate to:

VENTING.

Delightfully exaggerated, unadulterated hatred for the minute, yet uncompromisingly annoying day-ins and day-outs of our lives. The endless atrocities that strangers, traffic, and small children commit against us each and every day. Dare I say, a lot of this very blog revolves around such things; in fact, if you click on my post category “hatred“, there are some 25 posts there alone. While I don’t think this is unusual, as writing is often a therapeutic outlet for frustration, I do sometimes worry that all you guys see of me is the haterade. It’s only natural- we as humans are much more likely to share a bad experience than a good one, because dammit, commiseration feels GOOD, yo. But I don’t want that to be the only side of me shown here.

Truly, I am a lover. I love LOTS of stuff. I love dive bars, wine, red meat, brunch, cats, rollercoasters, cheeseburgers, and- believe it or not- even a sizeable handful of people in this world.

(Sidebar: while we’re on this topic, are you one of those people who says you “love to laugh” in your social media bio? Because ZOMG YOU MUST BE THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO LIKES THAT! You are so original. I bet you also don’t like having the flu, and that you prefer Fridays to Mondays! Let’s bond over our mutual affinity for being happy rather than sad together!!)

Whoops… a little venting fell out. Moving on!

So, to mix it up, here’s some of the GOOD in my life – those little things that will make me love you, almost as quickly as standing on the left side of the escalator will make me shank you.

What?

Things That Will Make Me Instantly Adore You:

(thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!)

Making a “there’s always money in the banana stand…” reference.

Belting out a song in public, karaoke or impromptu. (Extra points as the song gets more embarrassing.)

Giving your seat on the bus to a lady, a munchkin, someone older, etc.

Being fully aware of, accepting, and openly discussing your flaws (not in a debbie-downer way; just a self aware, “I’m working on this” way).

Admitting when you’re wrong.

Giving me an honest opinion in the dressing room. I am depending on you to set me up for (booty) success, here.

Expressing a love for meat. (Extra points for meat wrapped in other meat.)

YES and also PLEASE.

Not being afraid to cancel our grandiose plans of sight-seeing or museums in favor of getting tipsy and people watching. (Also see: recognizing the inherent value in getting tipsy and people watching).

Showing up at my house with an awesomely bad movie and three bottles of wine… for the two of us.

Openly weeping tearing up at children’s movies. (Up, Wall-E, Toy Story 3, I’m looking at you.)

Getting me a wee present when you go on vacation, just because you wished I was there.

Knowing that women have a right to their bodies, and everyone has a right to get married.

Only judging me a little when I openly mock jeggings for months, and then maybe sort of buy a pair… (only for boots! I swear!)

Tipping the bartender… well.

Not having a ginormous stick up your ass. (This shouldn’t be as hard to find as it is.)

Surrounding yourself with quality people who are funny, welcoming, and also don’t have ginormous sticks up their asses.

Come to think of it, I may just change my Twitter bio to “I totally don’t have a stick up my ass, even if I did hypocritically buy a pair of jeggings.” Thoughts?

Mama said share.

I’ve led quite the charmed life, in truth.

Sure, there were a few miserable years in middle school. A (real, not teeny bopper) heart break or three. A grandfather passed- and though devastating, at 86, he’d led a full and honorable life, and was surrounded by an enormous family and friends who loved him dearly.

So. No, I’m not rich. In money, anyway… but as far as everything else? You know, the stuff that matters?

I’m making it rain, y’all.

While I absolutely do my fair share of bitching and moaning (I mean, sometimes, chained to this desk, there’s just nothing else to DO)- I’ve recently reached the opinion that I really need to just shut the hell up. Because between the fam, the man, the friends near and far, the city I love, you guys on the interwebs, the furbabies, and even the whole “living in America, land of the free” thing… I’m pretty much a fat cat, livin’ large and whatnot.

Basically me, if the dollah dollah bills were priceless treasures of LOVE and FRIENDSHIP and all that jazz.

Last week, some of my favorite people on the planet had their worlds rocked. In the Red Letter Day kind of way. I’m so hurt, so angry, so ACHING for them, and frankly, this shroud of helplessness? Isn’t really my color, either.

So for them, I count my blessings. For them, I stay strong, and try to make Liz laugh for the first time all day, and conspire to surprise Lexa with a gift from New York City, and to just be there for them, in that super corny but ohsoimportant sense.

Because life isn’t easy, and I know my time will come. I’m not naïve enough to think there won’t be incredible hardships in my future at some point.

I mean, they already canceled Arrested Development. COMMUNISTS. (Yes I know it’s like six years ago now but NO I am not over it and I’m not sure I ever will be. In GOB we trust.)

Ahem. But in the meantime, I will enjoy my ridiculously snugglicious cocoon of warm, supportive, hilarious people in my life, who for whatever reason seem to think I’m pretty neat.

In the words of Patrick Swayze (RIP)…

Ditto.

Mama said share.

And on it goes!!!

Yesterday, we managed to get my dream boat Aziz Ansari to follow me on Twitter. (I love you Aziz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Today? We amp it up a bit. Today, friends… today, we humbly ask for the endorsement of the greatest new comedy out there (who JUST announced Season 2 starts September 23rd!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH)

That’s right, folks. COMMUNITY.

Twitter the following to get my comedic heroes to follow and support me as the MTV TJ candidate!!!

@JoelMcHale If you follow and RT @LivitLuvit for the @MTVTJ, she’s vowed to stop saying “It’s Miley!” in that voice from The Soup.

@MrDonaldGlover @DannyPudi If you follow and RT @LivitLuvit for the @MTVTJ, she’ll vlog a cover of “The Biblioteca” song. HALF CHECK- thank you Danny!!!! You are so freaking funny, I seriously rewatch your scenes over and over. Not in a creepy way… Now let’s get Donald!!!

@alisonbrie I heard @LivitLuvit has a huge girl crush on you, and if you follow and RT her for the @MTVTJ, she’ll learn to do the Charleston! CHECK!!! B is gonna be so jealous when I tell him she’s following me!!! Thanks Alison!

@kenjeong She’ll never look half as sexy as you in a tiger leotard, but could you follow and RT @LivitLuvit for the @MTVTJ?

@yvettenbrown We’ll all vote #Community for choice breakthrough show http://TeenChoiceAwards.com if you follow & RT @LivitLuvit for @MTVTJ! - CHECK!!! THANK YOU YVETTE!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 Go vote for Community now!!!

@GillianJacobs If you follow and RT @LivitLuvit for the @MTVTJ, she’ll be your spirit animal. Help her #savethefurbabies! CHECK!!!! I love you Gillian! EVERYONE WATCH COMMUNITY ALL THE TIME! Do nothing else!!!

We’re going to have to pull out the big guns for this one, no doubt. If you’re unfamiliar, and shame on you, then let me show you it.

Here’s why you should desperately want to get a beer with Donald Glover:

Here’s why you should want to put Danny Pudi in your pocket and keep him with you at all times:

Here’s why Ken Jeong is way, way more than just the MTV Movie Awards tiger song:

Here’s why I kind of want to lez it out for Allison Brie and Yvette Nicole Brown:

Here’s why you should heart Gillian Jacobs (after all, she’s TV-boned Joel McHale- JEALOUS):

Here’s why, in a nutshell, this show is the greatest thing ever on television for all time:

And finally, here’s why you should yearn for my golden unicorn, the ridiculously hot and twice as funny Joel McHale:

(Um, if you have a crush on Joel as big as I do… feel free to jump to the two minute mark. DELISH.)

Okay, friends!!! So you know what we have to do! GO FORTH, INTERNET ARMY!!!! Don’t you want to see me try to rap the biblioteca song?!

Mama said share.

Want to spread the word about supporting your local animal shelter? Click here to tweet this post!

Have you seen the hashtag #savethefurbabies on Twitter lately?? AWESOME. Because it’s something I created to encourage support for our local animal shelters, whether you adopt, foster, volunteer, or even just donate a few bucks.

When MTV announced that our second challenge was to:

What inspires you and why? Answer using any form of media available to you. Examples include text, images, sound, or video.

Create a new hashtag on Twitter related to something you are passionate about. Use your influence to circulate your hashtag as many times and as broadly as possible.

I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do. And I’m sure none of you are surprised a bit. (Sidebar: Have you voted for @livitluvit for MTV’s TJ yet?? Do it here in just a few clicks!)

B and I rescued our own furbabies, Murray and Axe Murderer (sidebar: don’t ever tell your boyfriend he can have uncensored naming of a pet), from the unbelievably awesome Homeward Trails about a year ago. Though B was hesitant (and allergic) at first, he now openly admits it’s the best idea I’ve ever had. (And I catch him singing to them on the regular. Hopefully he doesn’t read this…)

I spent Friday busy on the Tweet, asking you to share pictures of your own rescues and their stories, tagging them with the hashtag, which led to it being the top trending topic on Twicsy… which meant we could see ALL the #savethefurbabies pictures right here:

http://twicsy.com/tag/savethefurbabies

Melt melt melt.

And, more importantly, we also tweeted about HOW to help support our local shelters, like the Washington Humane Society:

ADOPT

VOLUNTEER & FOSTER

GIVE

(If you can’t donate $$$, they need plenty of other things, like linens, food, litter, etc. More info in the vlog below.)

Yesterday morning, I headed over to the Washington Humane Society to have a chat with Jess Townsend, the WHS Adoption Manager. We walked around taking pictures as I explained what I was trying to do, and she filled me in on ways people could help, told me the animals’ stories (a few of the kitties there were rescues from the hoarder’s house in VA), and laughing at how ridiculous the ladies on “Say Yes to the Dress” are. (What? Reality TV is forever intertwined in my life. I can’t help it.)

Here’s some pictures of the gorgeous creatures I got to see:

Afterwards, we did an interview so Jess (the expert!) could personally tell you guys how you can help. Check it out!

Check out adoption info at 0:49

Donation info at 0:52

Sponsor a specific pet info at 1:25

Come play with the animals! Volunteer info at 1:57

Fostering info at 2:47

Spay, neuter and shots info at 3:17

***ESPECIALLY*** Senior cat event!!! info at 4:05

For any of you keeping a tally of how many times I said “That’s awesome,” don’t worry, I’ve already shot myself. Also, eff you.

Finally, I MUST give a shout out to the Washington Humane Society’s photographer, Sora DeVore- all of the absolutely unreal pictures on the WHS website are done by her, and she donates her time to do them. Sora, you are an angel. A very, VERY talented angel. Look at these!

So, where are your furbabies from?? Leave a link to the shelter in the comments or tweet it at me and I’ll post it here!

Washington Human Society (follow them on Twitter! @Wash_Humane)

Homeward Trails (DC, VA, MD)

PetFinder (finds a pet at a shelter near you!)

Humane Society of Utah

Cape Anne Animal Aid (Massachusetts- raising $$$ to build a new shelter!)

San Francisco SPCA

Rocket Dog Rescue (San Fran Bay area)

Western Border Collie Rescue (Colorado)

Kitty Haven Cats (Washington State)

Last Chance Animal Rescue Inc. (DC, VA, MD)

Greenville Humane Society (South Carolina)

Coastal Pet Rescue (Savannah, GA)

Greyhounds Only, Inc. (Illinois/Wisconsin)

Fairfax County Animal Shelter (Virginia)

Capital Area Humane Society (Ohio)

Isabella County Animal Shelter (Missouri)

Rescue Me Pet Foundation (Los Angeles)

Virginia Beach SPCA

Berkeley East Bay Humane Society

New England Society for Abandoned Animals

Beagle Rescue, Education, and Welfare

Pet Rescue by Judy (Orlando area) 

Southern Pines Animal Shelter (Mississippi)

Greyhound Welfare (Mid-Atlantic and New England)

Animal Rescue League of Western PA

Animal Friends (Pittsburgh area)

Helping Hands Humane Society of Topeka, KS

City Dogs Rescue (DC area)

Animal Haven (Kansas)

Forever Friends Animal League of Kansas City

Animal Welfare League of Arlington (Virginia)

Orange County Animal Shelter (Chapel Hill, NC)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P.S. Totally off topic, make sure you check out my brand new Jersey Shore tumblr, “I Wish I Was Orange” ! Oh, shame… it tastes so good.







Yes, this is an ad. Mama is poor, yo:

Subscribe for 642-504 training and get certified in days! We offer high quality 642-832 dumps and 650-251 tutorial with 100% success guarantee.

Mama said share.

Til voting, y’all!!!!!! 11 am Eastern Time, what what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Voting will be at http://facebook.com/zync, starting at 11am Eastern Time!

And don’t forget, you can also help from now til voting ends on the 22nd by the following:

Twitter your hearts out, love muffins…

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj #lilu4TJ

(Feel free to get creative, this suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

Voting TODAY! (ACK!!!) will be via Facebook. You will only get to have to vote once, so make sure we’re Facebook friends!!!

Also, you can just click here to share my plight with your friends on your Facebook wall.

Love you long time. SMOOCHES.

Update: Ask and you shall receive, lovahs. Here’s my very own Kevin McAllister rendition of how I’m feeling today:

Yes, that is an actual Motivational Poster in the background. VOTE AND GET ME OUT OF THIS CUBE FARM!!!!!!!!!

Mama said share.

Not going and really fucking sick of hearing about it? I don’t blame you. It’s going to be awesome.

Uh… quick, look at this!…

Moving on.

So. You MAY have heard that I’m going to be traveling to the great state of Nevada tomorrow, to the land of slot machines and margaritas-the-size-of-heads, and all things sequiny and delightfully tacky.

B will not be joining me because he is a sane person (wha wha wha???), but as I told him last night, it’s cool because Aunt Flo’s in town. So not only does he get to miss out on THAT business, I can’t cheat on him! Really, I’m going to Vegas for HIM.

Such a giver, I am.

The things I plan on doing over the next three days are as follows:

Have an ass-slapping contest with Lbluca77.

Not be totally weird with my most favoritest Vixen.

Have a baby with our resident mama bear, Rachel. (Don’t worry, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? Babies totally count.)

Make naughty kitty-cat jazz hands with verybadcat.

Maul Tia wildly and inappropriately the moment I see her. (Sorry, Ben. It’s happening.)

Swap “funny boyfriend” stories with Michelle.

Make Kathleen eat some cheese, even if it’s just the schmoopy kind.

Swoon over vampires with Ali. And maybe bite her a little when she’s not looking. What?

Call StaceyParadise “Tootsie Pop”.

Get Mel drunk off wine and make her tell me about her worst date of all time.

Embrace my quirks and inner klutz with Mandy.

Give Lindsay 1,000 bear hugs so she’s not scared of us all. Even though she probably should be.

Immediately go up in flames when Nicole‘s crazy and my crazy finally meet. God have mercy on us all.

Draw on someone with Sharpie with Leahchristine.

See Amy’s feisty in person. It may not be on the blog, but I know it’s there.

Drink endless mimosas with Doni.

Indulge in a boatload of unnecessary carbs with Jessica.

Do karaoke with Chelsea, because she can actually sing + I am the most tone-deaf person of all time = HILARIOUS.

Make poop jokes with Nicopolitan.

Help RondaMarie drink to forget.

Reminisce about the days when the BoSox didn’t suck with ohhayitskk.

Steal Katelin’s awesome hair. (Yes, I know it’s not a wig. But put enough tequila in me and I’ll swear it can be done.)

Get 412 makeovers from the fabulous Lizzy Marie, my bi-coastal BFeffinF.

Make listen to because I’m not brown people jokes with Rahul (dot not feather).

Try not to make Mary and Shine sorry they agreed to room with Maxie and me.

Belt out Backstreet Boys everywhere we go with GingerMandy and Just A Girl.

Remarry my beloved Maxie, preferably by an Elvis impersonator, or someone wearing an ascot.

See what the hell it is that Ben got her, in reference to this tweet:

To all the rest of you I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting, in person or on the interwebs… I can’t freaking wait to fix that. And every single one of you should prepare yourself for a too-tight-hug.

See you tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mama said share.

Boston, Chicago, Colorado, L.A., San Diego, Texas, Washington State, North Carolina, all over Canada, Saratoga Springs, New York City, the UK, China, Indonesia, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Virginia, Baltimore, Pennsylvania, Jersey, Cleveland, Detroit, Vegas, Egypt, New England, South Dakota… the list goes on and on.

The list of people that I adore, that is… and the glaring fact that they are so very, very too far away from me.

These people that I interact with almost every day, they get engaged. They have birthdays (tomorrow!) and bring home new puppies and get knocked up and they do it all. without. me!

Now, look. I completely recognize that DC is a *unique* crew in that A) there are a lot of us and B) we hang out more often than any strange group of people who met each other off the internet rightfully should… and sure, it’s always a good time. We do it right. (Like we will this Friday.)

But every time we do, I feel like a few dozen (hundred) people are missing.

It’s 2000 TEN, after all! How do we not have teleportation yet?! (Because you know it’s #1 use would be to bring bloggers together…)

So yes, Internet, I am hereby dubbing you A Tease. You e-introduce me to all these great people from all over, and then never let me tenderly hold them in my arms and stroke their hair give them a bear hug when they graduate from college? When they stand up to their bosses and demand to be placed in D.C. (yes I’m biased)? When Lady Gaga almost steals their boyfriends?

I call bullshit, Interwebs.

Bull.

Shit.

Mama said share.