…was, undoubtedly, the “Jersey Shore Drinking Game”.

Let me ‘splain.

Perhaps you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know about MTV’s newest reality television abomination. I’ll forgive you if you’ve been too busy watching Always Sunny, as they are on at the same time, but believe me when I say that you MUST find a way to watch this absolute trainwreck of bright orange, over-gelled…

Well, honestly, I can’t even describe it. Let me just show you…

Apologies for the ad at the beginning… but it’s worth it.

Okay. So, all of us fabulous people are hanging out at the Holiday Happy Hour last Friday (unbelievably fabulous time, FYI- thanks so much to everyone for coming out!!!), when suddenly, the two magic words that can bring any group of people together instantaneously are mentioned…

JERSEY. SHORE.

Within seconds, we’re swapping our favorite most vomit-inducing moments, arguing over who’s the worst person in the house, and ribbing on brad for even BEING from Jersey. The shame.

And then, it happened. The magical words fell from Patrick’s mouth, one by one…

“We should create a Jersey Shore drinking game!”

Lightbulbs LIT-RALLY appeared over each one of our heads, and the insanity commenced as we all started yelling over one another. Out of the plethora of ideas, we eventually settled on this very thoughtful and decidedly offensive-but-still-less-offensive-than-the-show-itself list.

I give you…

The “Jersey Shore” Drinking Game

While watching the show, you must DRINK when…

1.  Any time one of them says OR does a “fist pump”

2.  Any time a girl proclaims her pride for being a true “guidette”

3.  Whenever Mike refers to himself as “The Situation”

4.  Any time a guy slathers 25% of a bottle of gel on his head

5.  Whenever the utter importance of “PROTEIN” is mentioned, or a protein shake is consumed

6.  Any time someone brags about their spray tan, goes spray tanning, or just looks so orange that you are forced to look away from the television

7.  Anytime Sammi talks about how sweet she is, or refers to herself as “Sammi Sweetheart”

8.  Whenever someone refers to cheating on a significant other back home

9.  Any time someone in the house accidentally calls Snookie “Snickers”

10. Any time Ronnie uses the phrase “pound out” in reference to a woman

11. Any time Mike expresses insane jealousy over the fact that Ronnie is pounding out Sammi instead of him

12. Any time someone gets in the jacuzzi naked

Oh, man… I cannot WAIT for Thursday.

Update: Oh. Em. GEE.

I just found this, and HAD to add it…

You are WELCOME.

Mama said share.

(Originally posted as a guest post for a 20SB Blog Swap Day…)

Well, hello there! It’s 20SB BLOG SWAP DAY! Which is why you’re stuck here, reading me, LiLu of Livit, Luvit. But don’t worry, I plan on keeping y’all entertained.

You see, I have a little problem I’d like to share with y’all.

My darling and ever-patient boyfriend, B, and I have been very happy since we met last June, fell insanely in love in about two weeks, and were living together by the end of August in downtown Washington, DC. (I actually wrote about the night we met the day after it happened, which is kind of cool now looking back, if you want to read it here.)

Were (are) we crazy? Most definitely.

Has it been anything short of perfect? Absolutely not.

Okay, then, now we’re all up to speed. Glad to meetcha!

[pic]

Blissfully happy, right? Cutish, and all that? Sure. Whatevs. Not the point.

The point IS, while everything is basically hunky dory peach keen and all that, we do have one problem.

*Whispers*… You know… with THE SEX!!!

You see, my darling boy… well, he is a morning-sexer. He’s ready for a romp first thing in the morning NOMATTERWHAT. If we drank a bottle of tequila apiece the night before, it would not stop this man from trying to put his P in my V the very first moment he is conscious.

Which is flattering and all, it’s just, well…

NO.

My babymaker wants absolutely zero, as in NO PART OF a peen until she has had a few solid hours to adjust to the idea. In fact, she cannot imagine anything worse within the first hour of waking up (factoring in that I am mostly talking about the weekends here, which means I am usually HUNG over).

And I sympathize, I do… I understand that he usually wakes up, ahem, “ready to go”. (Gettit? GETTIT? I’m talking about MORNING WOOD! Tee hee!) But that doesn’t change the fact that Sexy Time generally, to me, sounds like the Worst Idea Ever In The Whole World until, oh, about noon. Then, all of a sudden, my mini-LiLu is all, “Hey, you know what’d be a good idea? That thing we do sometimes, you know, we’ll call it ‘dancing.’ Lemme get some of that.”

Which should be fine and dandy, right? Except by then, B has generally gotten into ESPNing or Xboxing and he’s all, “Whoa, where was this four hours ago? I’m not your sex monkey!” And I’m all “YES YOU ARE! Take off your pants!” But it’s too late and just like that, we’ve missed the precious window.

The Window of Sexin’.

Bet you didn’t see that coming.

So now we both watch the clock steadily on Saturdays and Sundays and joke about 12:30 as “the witching hour”…

If you text me round then on a weekend, you best be prepared to wait.

Cause, you know, we’re probably Having the Sex.

And now you know waaaay too much about us! Le awesome. So come over to my place, say, tomorrow for the infamous TMI Thursday, and share something about yourself!

Mama said share.