First off, I would like to say that I did NOT like the Betty White Super Bowl commercial. I am far too big of a Golden Girls fan to be able to watch my sweet Rose get pummeled to the ground and laugh about it.

I’m a softie like that, I suppose.

That said, the premise of the new Snickers commercials- “You’re not you when you’re hungry”- does ring a bell with me. One of my cute little quirks, as I would force B to call it, is that I become a bit.. ahem… testy, when I haven’t eaten in a while.

Or, yanno, when I’m tired. Or sick. Or perio-

Moving on.

So while the slapstick-y-ness of the Betty White rendition didn’t do it for me… this?

This almost caused a Miles Davis in my pants* when I saw it last night.

*A zillion points to anyone who gets that poorly constructed reference without clicking.

So, good news or bad news first?

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Bad? Okay, my brave little toaster.

Given the impending Snowpocalypse (AKA #snOMG), it seems that we must postpone tonight’s Happy Hour. I know, I know, don’t cry. Get yourself a bigass bottle of your favorite libation, huddle onto your couch, and watch the hell out of the new episode of Vampire Diaries you taped last night and just can’t WAIT to see.

(No? Just me? YES, it’s on the CW. Don’t judge me.)

And so, the good news! We are hereby setting the HH “Snow Date” for Friday, Feb. 19th. I’ll remind you as it gets closer, of course. But have no fear, ducklings. We shall drink together soon.

And finally, the part in which my mom cheers you up… because she sent me this yesterday and it is HILARIOUS.

Happy snOMG Weekend!!!

And don’t forget…

The quandry: We feel terrible. Just horrible. And oh so helpless… if only there was something we could DO for them.

The answer: Ummmm. Did you forget that WE ARE THE INTERNET?!?!!??! And also, Yes We Can!!!

The result: Brandy and your Hot Awesome Dude… this one’s for you. Love, The Internet.

A very, VERY special thanks to everyone who helped me make this possible: Maxie, Ben, Tia, Alexa, Kyla Roma, Sizzle, Rachel, Jessica, Rachael, Katie, EP, Courtney, Tipp, Nicole, Jamie Varon, Laurie, L G, Ashley Marie, Wishcake, Matt, Doniree, Chelsea, Lisa, that short chick, Princess Pointful, Derek, Jess, Marie, Jamie, Jenn, Ashley, Erin, Jessica, Renee, Allie,  Grace, Rachel, Restaurant Refugee, Titania, Brad, Jolee, DC Princess, Patrick, and Deutlich.

***If for some reason I forgot you, let me know and I will fix immediately. I was up way past my bedtime working on this and I am a little LOCO IN THE CABEZA right now…***

Please feel free to repost this video, the information below, or all of the above! We. Are. The Internet!!!!!!!!!

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(A special thanks to Laurie for creating this fund and coming up with the following language!)

Our Plea:

Our friend Brandy is a brilliant writer, a wonderful teacher, and a generous friend.  And she is in love with a man who has just been diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

We are raising money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Fund in his name.  For the price of a cinnamon dolce latte, half-caf, hold the whip, you can be part of an effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.

http://www.loveharder.org

Every dollar brings us a dollar closer to a cure.  And every donation brings a sliver of hope to a girl who needs all the hope she can get.

Love Harder,

LiLu

What You Can Do:

Give.  Be part of a worldwide effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.  Every dollar helps.

Pass it on.  Forward this story to five people.  Share this blog post.  Become our fan on Facebook.

Love harder.  Life is short, love is unbending, and no one knows what could happen next.  Tell someone you love them today.

DONATE: http://www.loveharder.org
CONTACT: theloveharderfund@gmail.com
FACEBOOK: http://facebook.loveharder.org
MORE INFO: http://www.themmrf.org

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Mad, mad love, y’all.

UPDATED: Almost forgot! Grab the fabulous badge for the fund by copying and pasting the text in the box below!

<a href="http://loveharder.org" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/lovehard.jpg" border="0" alt="Love Harder" /></a>

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***

<a href="http://www.livitluvit.com/category/tmi-thursday" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/tmithursday.jpg" border="0" alt="TMI Thursday" /></a>

Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…

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It is time… for the eighth installment of TMI Thursday, a la Post Secret! If you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know what Frank Warren’s GENIUS idea is, click that link to be amazed. People from all over the world send him anonymous postcards, of anything they want, so long as it represents their own personal secret. And that’s what we’ve decided to do here, TMI style. (Click here for all the past entries.)

Please continue to send your picture TMITs in, any time. I will make sure every last one is posted. You can use the top secret anonymous email account to send it in (Gmail, username tmithursday, password tmit1234), and send them to me at heylivitluvit at gmail dot com. I suggest the free photo editing website Fotoflexer to make it super duper easy.

All righty, then. And away we go…

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Others awesomely bad TMIs this week…

Maxie’s TMI Thursday: Phantom Menace

That Kind of Girl’s TKOG Who has no tanlines (TMI Thursday, just a little)

LivingWicked’s TMIThursday: This Gives Want in one Hand … SHIT in the Other … a Whole New Meaning.

Think Tank Momma’s TMI Thursday – The Curious Case of Green Smoke

Griffin’s TMI Thursday – Twofer

Sebastian’s JUST DO IT

Travis’ TMI Thursday: Yes, I HAVE Looked At Lady Gaga’s Vajay.

P’s TMI THURSDAY: PEE ON ME? ER . . .NO THANKS . . .

Corrie’s TMI – In Jonathan’s Naked Glory

Jeff’s friends of friends who nobody knows

Carol’s TMI – Not today Dearest

Hillbilly Duhn’s TMI Thursday – When a small little poof makes a loud racket

amber murphy’s TMI Thursday: in which I am a poet

A Girl’s TMI Thursday: This is Why You Should Always Be Prepared

Colby’s TMI Thursday – That was just so much more than I needed to see in the morning

Jeney’s TMI Thursday : Dutch Ovens

Cleveland Poet’s TMI Thursday or Snot versus Poo the final showdown

Sarah’s TMI Thursday – The worst sex I didn’t know I was having

Tricia’s TMI Thursday: Oh, the Things You Find . . .

Wendy’s TMI Thursday: You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family, so can you pick your family’s nose? What’s that saying again?

Insomniac Lolita’s TMI Thursday : Mother-Daughter Talk

Kendall’s TMI Thursday: The Little Death. That Delicious Little Death.

JewliaGoulia’s TMI Thursday – 5th Edition

coffeypot’s TMI Thursday – Mile High Club – Kinda

Saphhyre’s TMI Thursday… #5

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

 Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***

<a href="http://www.livitluvit.com/category/tmi-thursday" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/tmithursday.jpg" border="0" alt="TMI Thursday" /></a>

Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is time… for the fourth installment of TMI Thursday, a la Post Secret! If you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know what Frank Warren’s GENIUS idea is, click that link to be amazed. People from all over the world send him anonymous postcards, of anything they want, so long as it represents their own personal secret. And that’s what we’ve decided to do here, TMI style. (Click here for all the past entries.)

Please continue to send your picture TMITs in, any time! I will make sure every last one is posted. You can use the top secret anonymous email account to send it in (Gmail, username tmithursday, password tmit1234), and send them to me at heylivitluvit at gmail dot com. I suggest the free photo editing website Fotoflexer to make it super duper easy.

Okay, everyone. This is a killer ride, but remember the ground rules…

1. PLAY NICE. Don’t make me moderate comments on these.
2. You can leave anonymous comments, unless you give me a reason to take them away. See rule 1.
3. Actually, Rule 1 pretty much covers it. SERIOUSLY, Y’ALL.

All righty, then. And away we go…

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And, ahem, my personal favorite…

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Amazing, as always. I just can’t believe the secrets we keep inside…

Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…

Update: I have also linked all the TMI Thursdays from last week when I was gone here! Check ‘em out…

That Kind of Girl’s The Really Quite True Story of TKOG’s Conception (guest post by TKOG’s MOM!)

Ex Hot Girl’s TMI Thursday: Giant Panties. For Real Tho.

iNDefatigable mjenks’ TMI Thursday: What, I’m Three Again?

Just A Girl’s TMI Thursday: Would She Say It “Resbian”?

Big Sis’ TMI Thursday: Vibrating Cat Fart

Jessica’s TMI Thursday – Lets Hump

Insomniac Lolita’s TMI Thursday : Peep Show?

mylittlebecky’s i do stuff. with my mouth part. ON VIDEO! (tmit)

Zan’s TMI Thursday: Love Is…

Sebastian’s American Pie… donut

Spleen’s random thoughts that instantly embarrassed me (short TMI Thursday)

Travis’ TMI Thursday: Yes, I HAVE Had A Gay Man Touch Me With His Penis.

Daffy’s TMI THURSDAY- He’d Rather Be With Her

Adrienzgirl’s TMI Thursday: A boy, A phone and The Toilet

Cheddar’s TMI Thursday: Somehow It Wasn’t Me

Carol’s BD’s Bungholio Slide

shine’s TMI Thursday – The Poop Ninja

Mb’s The couple that poos together…

Carissa’s TMI Thurday: A bloody confession.

Zoe Right’s TMI Thursday, Again and Again

Dani’s TMI Thursday: It’s like a choose your own adventure with only bad decisions…

kate’s TMI Thursday – Mommy, it’s smeeeeeeeeeeeeells!

Cleveland Poet’s gummy blow job or TMI Thursday

Meghan’s TTMT Thursday: The Time Santa Took Out My Tampon

Big Mama Cass’ I am alive, but… TMI Thursday

P’s TMI THURSDAY : OH NO, I SAID TOO MUCH . . . AGAIN . . .

Lebombed1’s That’s not mine…I swear…

Lucy’s TMI Thursday: Rum and a banana

Lauren’s TMI Thursday #1-I think I see skulls!

Tricia’s TMI Thursday: The Girl in the Night

Camille’s TMI THURSDAY : I will not fart, I will not fart, I will not fart.

amber murphy’s TMI Thursday: Liar, Liar

Secret Agent K’s Pangs! I Got Pangs!!!

Jennifer’s Stinky finger

Butterbean’s That One Time When I Was on Meds

That’s right folks. The infamous birthday/#pbandtuna wedding is finally here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll be honest, folks. I have been super stressed and freaking out all week.

But now that the big weekend is actually here, I have NOTHING BUT EXCITEMENT churning in my loins.

To everyone who’s coming from out of town:

I am going to lick your faces so damn hard, oh my gaw. You are amazing and totally rock my socks off. Look, they’re totally across the room. (Everyone IN town: you are 9/10 as awesome but don’t feel bad. They really had a leg up on you on this one.

…TWSS.)

To my blushing bride, who wrote the sweetest vows EVAR and made me cry before 8am on my birthday when I read them…

Just you wait until I give you your present today. REVENGE IS A BITCH.

In all serious, I love you so much, Maxie. I don’t know how I existed before you came into my life. You are one of the kindest, funniest, warmest, cuddliest people I have ever known, and I am seriously lucky to call you a friend. (And lovah.)

Tonight we shall snuggle Murray together and it will be GLORIOUS.

All right, y’all. I have a shit ton of stuff to do to get ready, so I’m off. But please to enjoy the one video on the interwebs that makes me happier than anything else in the e-world. It’s an oldie but a goodie…

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

(I am *so* doing these dance moves tomorrow.)

If you’re in DC, don’t forget… the bash is tomorrow at Stetson’s (upstairs) at 16th and U Streets. We’ll be there at 8 sharp to stake it out…

Woot!!!!!!!!!!!

As I expressed last Friday, I am extremely grateful for and humbled by all the lovey love you guys have shown me lately. Consequently, I feel like it’s time I gave a little sumin’ sumin’ back. That’s how blog sex favors work, right?

What?

Anyhoosits… a few months ago, I wrote a tribute to some of the funniest posts on the block. Because my heart is in need of a little warming today, I’m going to do something similar… but with posts that have somehow touched me, that were heartfelt, that were clearly difficult to write… but the authors were brave enough to put them out there and share them with us anyway.

So, I hope you likey… I sure did.

My darling Floreta writes a letter to her hypothetical child…

“Take heed, I will let you walk, and I will let you fall. I will let you stumble, then try again. Dear Child, I am terrified of having you and raising you. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is to do things that scare you. Fear is good motivation, but so is love. Together, it is unstoppable. Remember this.”

My favorite poker player, Kali, ponders Cruel Intentions…

“…you know the saying ‘Always Leave Things Better Than You Found Them’? I like to think that goes for people too. So stop playing mindgames. Stop chipping away at people’s self-confidence to make them more manageable. Stop making people second-guess themselves. If you’re with someone and you like them, tell them. Sure it’ll be scary (and this is such a clichéd phrase), but life IS short.”

A newbie to me, but one I’ll definitely visit again… DC Femella wants to know Why Do We Label Each Other?

“Before you start labeling people, and thinking that they are this or that label, think about the reasons you are really doing this. We constantly label people in a negative light due to difference of opinion due to religion, political view, sexual preference, parenting method, etc., but why? Is it to make yourself feel better? And/or feel like they are not like you?”

I’m going to let Chelsea Talks Smack’s title speak for itself: “Trusting is like not knowing how to swim and letting someone DUNK YOU ANYWAY.“

“Whether it’s the beginning of a relationship, or twenty years into one you have to practice that act of pure belief in their words. … Then, how after that “first thing” the first fib, first omission, first lie, first fabrication do you get back to that space when you aren’t terrified of the bottom dropping out?? It’s like handing your sleeping baby over to a person walking a tight rope and saying, “just don’t drop them.” This time, I’m the person, my heart’s the baby and he’s the wire walker.”

Another newbie to me, and damn am I glad this is the first post I read from her. justatitch frankly, yet respectfully, discusses the demise of her young marriage.

“Divorce rips your heart out. Divorce hurts in a way like nothing else. The thing is that it’s not just the end of a relationship; the loss of companionship. It’s the death of being an “us”. The death of hopes and dreams. It’s being estranged from a circle of friends while everyone figures out their “side.” It’s the small stupid things: no more Christmas traditions or having someone to call who knows exactly what you want on your salad and someone to kiss goodnight. And I don’t regret divorcing him. It was, in many ways, the best decision I ever made. It saved me. It saved me from being dead inside.”

Thanks for these, my dears. Thanks for trusting us to listen, support, and not judge.

And I’ll return the schmoop… I promise. (Oooo, look! Foreshadowing!) *wink*

Lately, as you may have noticed, some of the most dynamite peoples in the blogosphere are disappearing on us. My darling Lemmonex is taking a break, but at least she knows I will break her knees if she doesn’t come back to us eventually, in one format or another. Next thing I knew, rs27, Racquel Valencia and Gina Clover got all existential on us, and said they may or may not reappear to the blogging scene again. (All three have since posted again, however, which is promising… I would miss them so.)

And I DO understand the value of retiring something you aren’t feeling- I’m not coming down on anyone at all, just lamenting the loss of some of my favorite peoples. Let’s be clear on that.

All the same… is there a bug going around? A blog-boredom bug? Have our attention spans gotten so short we can’t even focus on our five paragraph blurbs anymore… is the Tweet taking over?

B chatted me yesterday and said something along the lines of, “Your blog people are dropping like flies, huh?”

I knew what he was really asking was, “Are you?”

And the answer is, No. Absolutely not. Not even for a second.

I keep waiting for the burn-out to set in, but it just doesn’t. In life? Sure, there are days I want to curl into the fetal position for 72 hours and watch Always Sunny and drink boxed wine until the world sets itself right again. (See: my plans for this weekend.)

But as far as this place goes… my little corner of the interwebs… it’s cozy. It’s cathartic. It’s home.

I’ve been really lucky, I suppose- trolls are minimal, my hilarious boyfriend, strange neighborhood and crazy ass friends (elephant shoe!) give me endless fodder (it has nothing to do with how weird and dorky I am! NOTHING!)… and I have the best freaking readers in the world.

So yeah, I’ll be sticking around for a while. I hope that’s okay with you.

And here’s a parting gift for being so. Goddamn. AWESOME SAUCE:

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

In other news, I am twelve.

God, I love you guys. Happy weekend, y’all!

Since these two little hooker faces have kept B and I awake since 5am every morning since we got them, I’s as tired as a very tired thing. At least they didn’t diarrhea all over the wall last night.

Grace in small things and all that crapola, right?

Anyhoosits, this is therefore going to be a smörgåsbord (I just wanted to say that word, really) of the many things I am delighted with on this fine Friday morning.

Ready, class? Let’s begin.

I hate chain email. HATE. However, as many of them come from my dear mother and other corny-ass relatives, I cannot diplomatically request that they stop, so I grin, bear, and delete. But I will say that every now and then a gem like this one gets through, and it just makes my freaking morning.

“This is exactly why you should always, ALWAYS…twirl once in front of the mirror before leaving the house.”

Lady, you got KLASS comin’ out your ears. (And for everyone who is wondering, NO I do not own a pair of those.)

(Mine are a frowny face. TAKE THAT, WORLD!!!)

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I have absolutely no good reason to post this, other than I thought of it the other day when someone asked me what I had wanted to be “when I grew up” as a child…

My honest answer? Punky Brewster.

Oh, Punky… you ARE the girl that turns my world around.

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And finally, a heart-warming anecdote. Every morning I walk through International Square, which is just a quad of green between the busy streets of DC, pockmarked with benches for the homeless to sleep on. This particular quad, however, houses someone very special; The Homeless Trumpeter.

Listen, I don’t know much about trumpeting, but this guy sounds GOOD. And he is there every single day- his trumpet rings out through the square, and always makes my soul a bit lighter. Through the Christmas season, his renditions of “Silent Night” and “White Christmas” about took my breath away. You can’t ask for anything better five minutes before you have to go into work, can you?

Last week I approached the square and felt that something was amiss. I didn’t realize it was the lack of his music ringing out until I saw him in handcuffs, a cop next to him and an angry crowd of Homeless Trumpeter supporters demanding to know his crime. Disturbing the peace, apparently… but for many of us, he WAS a tiny slice of calm in the middle of the morning rush hour hubbub. Unfortunately, The Man was waiting for me and I had to run, but I’ve been devastated each morning since then as I enter the silent square…

Until today. Today, as I neared the quadrant of green that only he makes vibrant, I heard the clear notes of a trumpet resonating through the air. An entirely irrational tear may or may not have sprung to my eye when I saw him on his corner, Louie Armstrong cheeks and all, warming the hearts of us soulless morning commuters once more.

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All right, lovers. That’s my feel-good Friday for ya. If you want a feel-good Saturday, you’re going to have to come see me and my DC harem (Lemmonex, Deutlich, and Maxie!) out at the Village Pourhouse in NEW YAWK CITAY!!! More deets are here.

Happy Friday, love turds!

Okay. I know I’ve made fun of the Jessie Spano “There’s no time! Zack! There’s never enough TIME!” clip from when she OD’s on caffeine pills. (And by “make fun” I clearly mean “admitted that I will love until the day I die.”)

But honestly? I am totally feeling her right now.

There are so many things I want to do, to read, to experiment with… and I just can NEVER get to it all. It’s never done, there’s always more I could/should be doing. I’m freaking exhausted.

I’ve just never been in this position before… I’ve never had to balance the love of my life, a large group of amazing friends, the Real Job, trying to be healthy and exercise in ANY capacity now that I’m (half of) a Grown Up, AND the bloggy world and interwebbing/webdesign. Oh, yeah, and at some point, I’d like a freaking vacation, please. Which is all well and good, except that it takes Time and Money and those are my two biggest enemies right now.

It’s kind of a lot.

I don’t sleep unless I take something, and I’m groggy the next day if I do. I know it’s from the stress, but I just don’t know how to take a step back. What’s going to give? I already feel like I’m not there nearly enough for my friends- like I’m always saying “Sorry, I can’t,” just because the only thing I have the energy to do is to snuggle up to B on the couch and rot my mind for a while with Gossip Girl. This isn’t me… I’m the girl who’s always down for anything, who’s always ready to go!

I just don’t know how to BALANCE all of this, and it is taking its mother effing toll on me. (SoMi wrote an awesome post about this recently, btw.) I’m trying to figure out how to prioritize an entirely new life, and I don’t know that I’m doing the best job of it. Thinking as a “we” is a whole different ballgame (one that I’ve never really played before), and I keep coming across something else that’s different now.

Jetting off for a weekend to see a friend in LA? Going to the 20SB’s Meetup in Chicago? A new wardrobe of Spring clothes? Those are all hundreds of dollars that I now choose to save so that We can go to back to Costa Rica someday, or visit my family in Spain, or get a puppy, or… well, you get the idea. This whole “different priorities” thing is new for me, and it’s like a new dress that fits, but I still need to get it tailored.

Anyone know a good Life Tailor? I can pay you in Stankey Legg dances or B’s impressions of celebrities.

As my Wii Fit told me so clearly last weekend… “You are UNBALANCED.”

I know, you smartass little machine. I know.

(And because it’s Friday, let me make up for dropping this on you… thank you for bring it into my life, Lemmonex!)

I was going to write another happy-go-lucky sunshiney post about how excited I am for the HOLIDAYS!!! (in light of the first snow yesterday! and all), but apparently I am just a wee bit too goddamn chipper/schmoopy lately for y’alls liking. FINE. I will get all serious-like on your asses. But you asked for it.

There’s a subject that’s been popping up in my conversations a lot lately, whether via-interweb or real-person. It’s a problem that comes in all shapes and sizes, but it generally boils down to this:

What do you do when your girl’s with the wrong man?

This topic was broached in three different ways for me just yesterday (in REAL life), and it’s an all-too-often subject on the bloggies as well.

My fantabulous friend J introduced her bff to her bf this weekend, and worried that one might not care for the other. Of course they did (phew!), but what if they hadn’t? Would her friend have told her? Would she have expressed her concerns, the reasons why she thought he might not be THE ONE? I believe that men are much more vocal about their opinions and will readily tell their friend if they’re not feeling his new girl. If this is the case, it is simply noted and the guys move on. Womenfolk, however, have been burned time and again when they tell their friend what they really think… and by the age of 19 or so, we just don’t anymore. We know better.

It ain’t going to make one bit of difference, so you might as well keep your mouth shut and have your arms ready to hold her when the world finally comes crashing down. The only thing telling her you don’t like him will accomplish? Will be the loss of your friend.

I’ve been on both sides, watching her waste time with Schmucky McSchmuckerson… and wasting time with Schmuchky McSchmuckerson myself. The whole time, you know something’s not right, you can feel that it just isn’t perfect…

Just not enough to do anything about it.

Sometimes you’re madly in love, even though he’s horrible for you. Sometimes you’re killing time, waiting for Mr. Right to come riding in on his steed. Sometimes you’re kind of bored, and you’ve just got nothing better to do.

These are all 100% unacceptable excuses, by the way. And we know this. We know it while we’re IN IT.

And still, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t deter us from making insanely wrong decisions and wasting more and more of our time with the Wrong One That We Totally Know Is Wrong But For Some Reason We Just Can’t Let GO.

I’ve even had to let a friend go completely, because I just couldn’t watch her suffer anymore. She slept every night in her boyfriend’s home for a YEAR, she had all her stuff there… but he refused to give her a key to the house, because that would mean they were Living Together and that was wrong. He didn’t want that title. She caved and ran back to him over and over again, no matter how badly he treated her. Finally, I had to realize that I couldn’t help her, she didn’t want help, and let her go. I hope she’s happy, wherever she is.

Over beers last night, a wise friend said that he thought part of the problem was that while men can easy talk about their feeeeeling with women-friends, and therefore get the emotional perspective that they may be missing from their guy-friends, girls often don’t have the reverse. We talk about our feeeeelings with our girlfriends till the cows come home, and they say, “Follow your heart! You’ll know what’s right!” While this is lovely advice, we often do not get the male perspective on the situation, which would generally (I’m gonna be sexist for a minute, so deal) be a more rational, logical way of looking at the situation. In order to evaluate a situation and truly decide the best path, both perspectives are needed. As always, it’s about Balance.

So to all the women out there with The Wrong One, think carefully. Choose wisely. Because your time is precious… don’t waste it on some jerk who doesn’t appreciate you. You are beautiful and lovely and just too wonderful for words! Leave him in the dust, and go celebrate your freedom… until The Right One comes along. Because TRUST me, you’ll know.

Your friends can’t say it, but I will…

(Sigh.)

And on a lighter note, don’t forget… tomorrow is TMI Thursday!!!

There’s no two ways about it: I have a very odd obsession. (Just one? Shuddap.)

I harbor a deep and passionate love for all things fugly.

If it’s wrinkled. If it’s silly. If it’s embarrassing itself merely by existing. If it’s abomination of nature. If it’s bug-eyed, cross-eyed, or blind. If it’s got more rolls than the Michelin man. If its face makes you wish it had a tip jar just so you could donate to the cause and buy it a paper bag for its head.

I can’t explain it, but nature’s most pathetic creatures make my heart dance. We all know monkeys make me melt (volcano or otherwise). Sloths make my insides all squiggly- even this one. I want to ride a hippo, kiss a wombat, and snuggle with a tarsier.

Otters and prairie dogs make me clap my hands with glee and do a little jig in celebration of their playfulness and unbearable KYOOTness. (Especially the chubby ones.)

If you’ve ever been walking with me around Dupont, you know that pugs and bulldogs make me go “Awwww my GOODNESS wook at da widdle SKWEESHED FACE!!!” and then I launch into my patented “pug waddle” (similar to my penguin imitation, but without the arms at the sides for flippers), while making “fat dog” noises. (It’s a special mumble that gets quieter as you go: RAWR Rawr rawr rawr).

Seriously, how do you look at this:

And NOT dissolve into a million little pieces? It can’t be done. IT’S JUST TOO DAMN CUTE.

The more sad, squishee and overall pathetic an animal is, the more my heart aches for it… and the more animated my dance in its honor. I mean, who can look at a truly Fat Cat and actually resist digging their hands into its ample belly as you motorboat its flub?? Resist this tummy, I DARE you:

Okay, okay, stop pinching the computer screen. You see what I mean, though?

Whereas most people think hairless cats look like the spawn of Satan and a rat fetus, I would adopt one in a hot minute and love it as my very own fug for all of time.

I can’t help it. My heart knows no bounds when it comes to the unfortunate, the wretched, the short-bus-riders of our world’s most pitiable beasts. I want to wrap them all in one big fugly hug and love them and skweeze them and call them my very own.

I may be crazy… but hopefully I’m not alone, and after this, your hearts are as warm as mine.

P.S. B says I can have none of these, especially a cat because he is allergic and he’s all hung up on being able to BREATHE or some crap. So, I think a reasonable substitute for this…

Is this…

Squee, chinchilla!!! Right? AND STILL HE SAYS NO. Why do you want to take away my dances of glee, babe? What do you have against glee-dances???