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I am not really one for the schmoop. Generally, I prefer sarcasm and bonding over self-deprecating jokes over talking about our feeeeeeeeelings. If and when we do discuss our emotions, we better be a bottle of wine (or three) deep, ya dig?

But this time, I can’t help it. The past weekend was one of the best of my life, and I just want to scream it from a rooftop, like I was an Italian lover with a heart full of song, or John Cusack in the 80s. (Or John Cusack ever, who are we kidding.)

I spent the better part of last week in Vegas at Bloggers in Sin City (#BiSC), surrounded by 50+ of the kindest, sweetest, funniest, friendliest bloggers this side of the US border. (Yes, that includes Canada, Brandy/Simone. See what I did there?!)

Listen, I’ve been to a lot of meetups, tweetups, and other “let’s take this party offline” festivities in my day – I’ve even put on a few (dozen) of them myself. But let me invoke the power of Sinead O’Conner for a moment, and just tell you that nothing compares to this.

Everyone was just so OPEN and ready to really get to know each other. And we were at an immediate advantage with this, because we’ve all been stalking each other online for months in anticipation. As Nico so eloquently put it in his video recap, “instead of feeling people out and starting from scratch, a lot of these friendships just kind of hit the ground running.”

I didn’t walk into that first happy hour on Thursday to a crowd of strangers. I walked in and was immediately embraced, figuratively and literally, by 56 friends (and more than a few life-size cutouts of Donny Osborne. That shiz is everywhere in Vegas.) And while I am lame and old and wasn’t really drinking (since by midnight I literally felt like I had been roofied from exhaustion - DAMN YOU, EST INTERNAL CLOCK!!!!!), the party didn’t stop until the moment I left on Sunday morning.

Nicole (our amazing organizer), you are like a fairy godmother who sprinkles vodka and hair tinsel and condoms down on us all. My life is approximately 529% better for knowing you.

Chelsea, take care of that piece of my heart that you stole because I AM BROKEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT AROUND. Jenn, Doni, Katelin, my life is cold and gray without you in it. New pact to never go a year without seeing each other EVER AGAIN, cool? Cool.

Jenny, I’m so glad we got to spend serious QT together this year. Welcome to the club of “My Favorite People on Earth”. (It comes with a gold star.) Ditto Molly – your bubbliness is infectious, and I don’t do bubbly, so this is saying something.

I want to list every single person I met but A) I’m lazy, and B) we’re too busy chatting in our top secret Facebook group anyway. #nerds #loveit

Suffice to say I love each and every one of you, and will continue to stalk you on the internet now that we are apart once more. (Tear.)

And now, I will finally shut up about how great my life is, and let the pictures speak their thousands of ridiculous words.

To everyone who was there, face licks and hashtag dances and slash scoops forever. I can’t wait to see you all again next year.

Mama said share.

I’ve led quite the charmed life, in truth.

Sure, there were a few miserable years in middle school. A (real, not teeny bopper) heart break or three. A grandfather passed- and though devastating, at 86, he’d led a full and honorable life, and was surrounded by an enormous family and friends who loved him dearly.

So. No, I’m not rich. In money, anyway… but as far as everything else? You know, the stuff that matters?

I’m making it rain, y’all.

While I absolutely do my fair share of bitching and moaning (I mean, sometimes, chained to this desk, there’s just nothing else to DO)- I’ve recently reached the opinion that I really need to just shut the hell up. Because between the fam, the man, the friends near and far, the city I love, you guys on the interwebs, the furbabies, and even the whole “living in America, land of the free” thing… I’m pretty much a fat cat, livin’ large and whatnot.

Basically me, if the dollah dollah bills were priceless treasures of LOVE and FRIENDSHIP and all that jazz.

Last week, some of my favorite people on the planet had their worlds rocked. In the Red Letter Day kind of way. I’m so hurt, so angry, so ACHING for them, and frankly, this shroud of helplessness? Isn’t really my color, either.

So for them, I count my blessings. For them, I stay strong, and try to make Liz laugh for the first time all day, and conspire to surprise Lexa with a gift from New York City, and to just be there for them, in that super corny but ohsoimportant sense.

Because life isn’t easy, and I know my time will come. I’m not naïve enough to think there won’t be incredible hardships in my future at some point.

I mean, they already canceled Arrested Development. COMMUNISTS. (Yes I know it’s like six years ago now but NO I am not over it and I’m not sure I ever will be. In GOB we trust.)

Ahem. But in the meantime, I will enjoy my ridiculously snugglicious cocoon of warm, supportive, hilarious people in my life, who for whatever reason seem to think I’m pretty neat.

In the words of Patrick Swayze (RIP)…

Ditto.

Mama said share.

Which is why @LexaLemmy is one of my most favoritest people in the world, forever and always amen.

Oh, Marcel! How I want to hug you (gently)!! And maybe buy you some rollerskates. Smooches.

Sidebar: I’m also over here today, but it’s a bit emo. Probably better to stick with Marcel the Shell with Shoes On.

Mama said share.

First off, I would like to say that I did NOT like the Betty White Super Bowl commercial. I am far too big of a Golden Girls fan to be able to watch my sweet Rose get pummeled to the ground and laugh about it.

I’m a softie like that, I suppose.

That said, the premise of the new Snickers commercials- “You’re not you when you’re hungry”- does ring a bell with me. One of my cute little quirks, as I would force B to call it, is that I become a bit.. ahem… testy, when I haven’t eaten in a while.

Or, yanno, when I’m tired. Or sick. Or perio-

Moving on.

So while the slapstick-y-ness of the Betty White rendition didn’t do it for me… this?

This almost caused a Miles Davis in my pants* when I saw it last night.

*A zillion points to anyone who gets that poorly constructed reference without clicking.

Mama said share.

So, good news or bad news first?

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Bad? Okay, my brave little toaster.

Given the impending Snowpocalypse (AKA #snOMG), it seems that we must postpone tonight’s Happy Hour. I know, I know, don’t cry. Get yourself a bigass bottle of your favorite libation, huddle onto your couch, and watch the hell out of the new episode of Vampire Diaries you taped last night and just can’t WAIT to see.

(No? Just me? YES, it’s on the CW. Don’t judge me.)

And so, the good news! We are hereby setting the HH “Snow Date” for Friday, Feb. 19th. I’ll remind you as it gets closer, of course. But have no fear, ducklings. We shall drink together soon.

And finally, the part in which my mom cheers you up… because she sent me this yesterday and it is HILARIOUS.

Happy snOMG Weekend!!!

And don’t forget…

Mama said share.

The quandry: We feel terrible. Just horrible. And oh so helpless… if only there was something we could DO for them.

The answer: Ummmm. Did you forget that WE ARE THE INTERNET?!?!!??! And also, Yes We Can!!!

The result: Brandy and your Hot Awesome Dude… this one’s for you. Love, The Internet.

A very, VERY special thanks to everyone who helped me make this possible: Maxie, Ben, Tia, Alexa, Kyla Roma, Sizzle, Rachel, Jessica, Rachael, Katie, EP, Courtney, Tipp, Nicole, Jamie Varon, Laurie, L G, Ashley Marie, Wishcake, Matt, Doniree, Chelsea, Lisa, that short chick, Princess Pointful, Derek, Jess, Marie, Jamie, Jenn, Ashley, Erin, Jessica, Renee, Allie,  Grace, Rachel, Restaurant Refugee, Titania, Brad, Jolee, DC Princess, Patrick, and Deutlich.

***If for some reason I forgot you, let me know and I will fix immediately. I was up way past my bedtime working on this and I am a little LOCO IN THE CABEZA right now…***

Please feel free to repost this video, the information below, or all of the above! We. Are. The Internet!!!!!!!!!

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(A special thanks to Laurie for creating this fund and coming up with the following language!)

Our Plea:

Our friend Brandy is a brilliant writer, a wonderful teacher, and a generous friend.  And she is in love with a man who has just been diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

We are raising money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Fund in his name.  For the price of a cinnamon dolce latte, half-caf, hold the whip, you can be part of an effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.

http://www.loveharder.org

Every dollar brings us a dollar closer to a cure.  And every donation brings a sliver of hope to a girl who needs all the hope she can get.

Love Harder,

LiLu

What You Can Do:

Give.  Be part of a worldwide effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.  Every dollar helps.

Pass it on.  Forward this story to five people.  Share this blog post.  Become our fan on Facebook.

Love harder.  Life is short, love is unbending, and no one knows what could happen next.  Tell someone you love them today.

DONATE: http://www.loveharder.org
CONTACT: theloveharderfund@gmail.com
FACEBOOK: http://facebook.loveharder.org
MORE INFO: http://www.themmrf.org

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Mad, mad love, y’all.

UPDATED: Almost forgot! Grab the fabulous badge for the fund by copying and pasting the text in the box below!

<a href="http://loveharder.org" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/lovehard.jpg" border="0" alt="Love Harder" /></a>

Yes, this is an ad. Mama is poor, yo:

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Mama said share.

That’s right folks. The infamous birthday/#pbandtuna wedding is finally here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll be honest, folks. I have been super stressed and freaking out all week.

But now that the big weekend is actually here, I have NOTHING BUT EXCITEMENT churning in my loins.

To everyone who’s coming from out of town:

I am going to lick your faces so damn hard, oh my gaw. You are amazing and totally rock my socks off. Look, they’re totally across the room. (Everyone IN town: you are 9/10 as awesome but don’t feel bad. They really had a leg up on you on this one.

…TWSS.)

To my blushing bride, who wrote the sweetest vows EVAR and made me cry before 8am on my birthday when I read them…

Just you wait until I give you your present today. REVENGE IS A BITCH.

In all serious, I love you so much, Maxie. I don’t know how I existed before you came into my life. You are one of the kindest, funniest, warmest, cuddliest people I have ever known, and I am seriously lucky to call you a friend. (And lovah.)

Tonight we shall snuggle Murray together and it will be GLORIOUS.

All right, y’all. I have a shit ton of stuff to do to get ready, so I’m off. But please to enjoy the one video on the interwebs that makes me happier than anything else in the e-world. It’s an oldie but a goodie…

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

(I am *so* doing these dance moves tomorrow.)

If you’re in DC, don’t forget… the bash is tomorrow at Stetson’s (upstairs) at 16th and U Streets. We’ll be there at 8 sharp to stake it out…

Woot!!!!!!!!!!!

Mama said share.

As I expressed last Friday, I am extremely grateful for and humbled by all the lovey love you guys have shown me lately. Consequently, I feel like it’s time I gave a little sumin’ sumin’ back. That’s how blog sex favors work, right?

What?

Anyhoosits… a few months ago, I wrote a tribute to some of the funniest posts on the block. Because my heart is in need of a little warming today, I’m going to do something similar… but with posts that have somehow touched me, that were heartfelt, that were clearly difficult to write… but the authors were brave enough to put them out there and share them with us anyway.

So, I hope you likey… I sure did.

My darling Floreta writes a letter to her hypothetical child…

“Take heed, I will let you walk, and I will let you fall. I will let you stumble, then try again. Dear Child, I am terrified of having you and raising you. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is to do things that scare you. Fear is good motivation, but so is love. Together, it is unstoppable. Remember this.”

My favorite poker player, Kali, ponders Cruel Intentions…

“…you know the saying ‘Always Leave Things Better Than You Found Them’? I like to think that goes for people too. So stop playing mindgames. Stop chipping away at people’s self-confidence to make them more manageable. Stop making people second-guess themselves. If you’re with someone and you like them, tell them. Sure it’ll be scary (and this is such a clichéd phrase), but life IS short.”

A newbie to me, but one I’ll definitely visit again… DC Femella wants to know Why Do We Label Each Other?

“Before you start labeling people, and thinking that they are this or that label, think about the reasons you are really doing this. We constantly label people in a negative light due to difference of opinion due to religion, political view, sexual preference, parenting method, etc., but why? Is it to make yourself feel better? And/or feel like they are not like you?”

I’m going to let Chelsea Talks Smack’s title speak for itself: “Trusting is like not knowing how to swim and letting someone DUNK YOU ANYWAY.“

“Whether it’s the beginning of a relationship, or twenty years into one you have to practice that act of pure belief in their words. … Then, how after that “first thing” the first fib, first omission, first lie, first fabrication do you get back to that space when you aren’t terrified of the bottom dropping out?? It’s like handing your sleeping baby over to a person walking a tight rope and saying, “just don’t drop them.” This time, I’m the person, my heart’s the baby and he’s the wire walker.”

Another newbie to me, and damn am I glad this is the first post I read from her. justatitch frankly, yet respectfully, discusses the demise of her young marriage.

“Divorce rips your heart out. Divorce hurts in a way like nothing else. The thing is that it’s not just the end of a relationship; the loss of companionship. It’s the death of being an “us”. The death of hopes and dreams. It’s being estranged from a circle of friends while everyone figures out their “side.” It’s the small stupid things: no more Christmas traditions or having someone to call who knows exactly what you want on your salad and someone to kiss goodnight. And I don’t regret divorcing him. It was, in many ways, the best decision I ever made. It saved me. It saved me from being dead inside.”

Thanks for these, my dears. Thanks for trusting us to listen, support, and not judge.

And I’ll return the schmoop… I promise. (Oooo, look! Foreshadowing!) *wink*

Mama said share.

Lately, as you may have noticed, some of the most dynamite peoples in the blogosphere are disappearing on us. My darling Lemmonex is taking a break, but at least she knows I will break her knees if she doesn’t come back to us eventually, in one format or another. Next thing I knew, rs27, Racquel Valencia and Gina Clover got all existential on us, and said they may or may not reappear to the blogging scene again. (All three have since posted again, however, which is promising… I would miss them so.)

And I DO understand the value of retiring something you aren’t feeling- I’m not coming down on anyone at all, just lamenting the loss of some of my favorite peoples. Let’s be clear on that.

All the same… is there a bug going around? A blog-boredom bug? Have our attention spans gotten so short we can’t even focus on our five paragraph blurbs anymore… is the Tweet taking over?

B chatted me yesterday and said something along the lines of, “Your blog people are dropping like flies, huh?”

I knew what he was really asking was, “Are you?”

And the answer is, No. Absolutely not. Not even for a second.

I keep waiting for the burn-out to set in, but it just doesn’t. In life? Sure, there are days I want to curl into the fetal position for 72 hours and watch Always Sunny and drink boxed wine until the world sets itself right again. (See: my plans for this weekend.)

But as far as this place goes… my little corner of the interwebs… it’s cozy. It’s cathartic. It’s home.

I’ve been really lucky, I suppose- trolls are minimal, my hilarious boyfriend, strange neighborhood and crazy ass friends (elephant shoe!) give me endless fodder (it has nothing to do with how weird and dorky I am! NOTHING!)… and I have the best freaking readers in the world.

So yeah, I’ll be sticking around for a while. I hope that’s okay with you.

And here’s a parting gift for being so. Goddamn. AWESOME SAUCE:

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

In other news, I am twelve.

God, I love you guys. Happy weekend, y’all!

Mama said share.

Since these two little hooker faces have kept B and I awake since 5am every morning since we got them, I’s as tired as a very tired thing. At least they didn’t diarrhea all over the wall last night.

Grace in small things and all that crapola, right?

Anyhoosits, this is therefore going to be a smörgåsbord (I just wanted to say that word, really) of the many things I am delighted with on this fine Friday morning.

Ready, class? Let’s begin.

I hate chain email. HATE. However, as many of them come from my dear mother and other corny-ass relatives, I cannot diplomatically request that they stop, so I grin, bear, and delete. But I will say that every now and then a gem like this one gets through, and it just makes my freaking morning.

“This is exactly why you should always, ALWAYS…twirl once in front of the mirror before leaving the house.”

Lady, you got KLASS comin’ out your ears. (And for everyone who is wondering, NO I do not own a pair of those.)

(Mine are a frowny face. TAKE THAT, WORLD!!!)

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I have absolutely no good reason to post this, other than I thought of it the other day when someone asked me what I had wanted to be “when I grew up” as a child…

My honest answer? Punky Brewster.

Oh, Punky… you ARE the girl that turns my world around.

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And finally, a heart-warming anecdote. Every morning I walk through International Square, which is just a quad of green between the busy streets of DC, pockmarked with benches for the homeless to sleep on. This particular quad, however, houses someone very special; The Homeless Trumpeter.

Listen, I don’t know much about trumpeting, but this guy sounds GOOD. And he is there every single day- his trumpet rings out through the square, and always makes my soul a bit lighter. Through the Christmas season, his renditions of “Silent Night” and “White Christmas” about took my breath away. You can’t ask for anything better five minutes before you have to go into work, can you?

Last week I approached the square and felt that something was amiss. I didn’t realize it was the lack of his music ringing out until I saw him in handcuffs, a cop next to him and an angry crowd of Homeless Trumpeter supporters demanding to know his crime. Disturbing the peace, apparently… but for many of us, he WAS a tiny slice of calm in the middle of the morning rush hour hubbub. Unfortunately, The Man was waiting for me and I had to run, but I’ve been devastated each morning since then as I enter the silent square…

Until today. Today, as I neared the quadrant of green that only he makes vibrant, I heard the clear notes of a trumpet resonating through the air. An entirely irrational tear may or may not have sprung to my eye when I saw him on his corner, Louie Armstrong cheeks and all, warming the hearts of us soulless morning commuters once more.

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All right, lovers. That’s my feel-good Friday for ya. If you want a feel-good Saturday, you’re going to have to come see me and my DC harem (Lemmonex, Deutlich, and Maxie!) out at the Village Pourhouse in NEW YAWK CITAY!!! More deets are here.

Happy Friday, love turds!

Mama said share.