If you know me at all, you know that the #1 way to my heart is the thought of homeless cats and kittens never finding their Forever Home. So you can understand why I melted when this popped up in my inbox:

“I volunteer at a no-kill cat shelter in Alexandria, Virginia called King Street Cats. We take in all sorts of kitties, and all our money comes from donations and a big portion from our upcoming fundraising event. I’ve attached a press release outlining the party on June 3.

Bottom line: We’s be poh’ and we are in dire need of cash since kitten season is quickly approaching. Even if people can’t make the event, any donations are GREATLY welcomed. We’re always looking for crazy cat ladies and gents who might be looking to volunteer as well!”

Here’s the press release for the June 3rd event, which sounds like a blast. (If you can’t make it, send a few dollars instead!)

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KING STREET CATS TO HOST ‘PURRFECT’ THEATER NIGHT FUNDRAISER

Join KSC for a Night of Theater, Hors d’oeuvres, and a Silent Auction!

(Alexandria, Virginia) – Local cat orphanage King Street Cats (KSC) will host its highly successful annual Theater Night fundraiser on Friday, June 3, 2011 at 7pm. This entertaining event will be held at the Little Theatre of Alexandria, featuring the British comedy, “Move Over Mrs. Markham.” The event will raise money to support KSC’s goals of finding loving homes for all cats and kittens in their care and providing community outreach regarding cat welfare. The event promises an enjoyable evening of theater, hors d’oeuvres, and a silent auction.

Tickets for the event are $40 in advance or $50 at the door (if available). All ticket purchases and donations are tax deductible. Tickets can be purchased by visiting the Website at www.kingstreetcats.org.

Vivien Bacon, board president of KSC, said: “We are thrilled to welcome the community and friends to our 5th annual Theater Night fundraiser. The evening will be a wonderful social night and will serve to help us raise much needed funds to support our goal of finding forever homes for all the cats and kittens in our care. As a completely volunteer-operated organization, we could not survive without the support of the community through their donations.”

KSC, formerly known as The Albert Foundation, was founded in 2003 and is proud to be the only no-kill, cat-exclusive orphanage in Alexandria. KSC saves the lives of 200 cats who have run out of time and options; giving them another chance at life and at finding them the loving forever homes they deserve. KSC provides the care and medical attention they need until a new home of their own is found. KSC is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that is entirely volunteer operated and is located at 25 Dove Street, Alexandria, VA.

Mama said share.

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So busy. So, so, SO busy.

But it’s all good. Truly, it is. Things are basically amazing, which is great, but it means any spare minutes I have, I’ve been using to:

Recuperate from work and travel…

I was here for *EIGHT* days and never set a toe in the water or the sand. SADS.

Brunch and drink wine with the girls on Cara’s new rooftop:

Be ignored by my too-cool-for-school cats…

And as you can tell, becoming newly obsessed with Instagram, the app that can make any horrible photographer (me) take seemingly artsy/edgy pictures. Tee hee hee, I fooled you!!!

Anyway, until I have some free time to write something of substance, here’s a video of a monkey riding a dog.

Because, yanno… it’s a MONKEY RIDING A DOG.

Mama said share.

Purchase a half-case or more of French wine and get 1/2 off shipping with promo code "mar77"

WARNING: These are the things I think about when I’m in that weird, not-quite-awake, half-dreaming place…

Imagine for a moment that there were no domestic cats in the world.

No Persians, no tabbies, no orange tiger kitties. No Siamese, no calicos, no tuxedos. They just never existed.

Now, imagine you went to the zoo, and you saw the Big Cats prowling around, all majestic and such:

You would look at these guys, and you would think to yourself:

“My lands, those are some fanciful beasts! What a pity there isn’t a teeny tiny version of them I could keep in mine own house. It would be like a mini horse, except a feline – just a wee tiger I could tussle and play with, but it would fit in my apartment and not be able to kill me!”

(You would SO use those words. Would too!)

Can you imagine how unbelievably cool that would be? To have a perfect, tiny lion/tiger/jaguar/panther just WALKING AROUND YOUR LIVING ROOM on the reg?!?!

You’d be all, oh, NBD, I just happen to have a freaking MINIATURE LEOPARD curled up next to me in bed. Juan likes to be the little spoon.

Mini cats: pretty much the best thing that could ever exist in the universe. AND THEY DO.

Well played, world. Well. Played.

Mama said share.

Unsurprisingly, I often end up in discussions about social media with people. It’s what I love, it’s what I do for a living- it’s an ongoing supplement to nearly everything in my life. No matter how much fun it was, an event didn’t really happen until it’s been tweeted, “liked”, and checked into.

(If mimosas are consumed, but no one twitpics it, did brunch ever really happen?)

So, yes, social media is a big part of my life. And in my conversations with people about it- especially clients- we often end up talking about the different platforms, what they’re for… and which is my favorite.

If you know me at all, you know I’m a Twitter gal. I get my news from Twitter. I make friends on Twitter. Twitter brings me Charlie Sheen jokes and endless cat pictures/comics/videos/accessories on the daily. If it wasn’t for Twitter, I would never have seen this:

Or this:

Hell, I think in Twitter. I absolutely love the challenge of trying to fit a entire witty, intelligent, informative, hilarious, or otherwise complete AND interesting sentiment into 140 characters. Less, if I can. It’s like a never ending game where people are constantly forced to share only what really matters if they want to get their point across.

If only real life was like Twitter, with everyone forced to be efficient with their words! There’d be no more long-winded, boring, redundant explanations from bosses. No more horrible phone calls where you’re trapped and can’t get a word in edgewise to say goodbye.

Guys. Guys!!!!

THERE WOULD BE NO MORE SMALL TALK.

Think about it. On Twitter, you’re surrounded by a world of veritable strangers. Most of them are simple, beloved e-friends- people you share a love of the West Wing or bears wearing hats with- nothing more.

If I read something on Twitter that’s not interesting to me, I simply don’t engage. You only talk about the things you want to, with the people who want to… and even then, only in short bursts.

I. Freaking. LOVE it.

No one on Twitter ever says “hey, what’s up?” just to say something, like they do in real life, on the phone, in emails- even on Facebook. On Twitter, someone only @’s you to say: “Look at this cat wearing a monocle!” or “Honey badger don’t care! Honey badger don’t give a sh*t!!!”

And this makes me very, very happy.

P.S. Yes… I realize this entire post makes me sound like a female Ron Swanson. Well, just call me Ronnette. Now where are my cornrows??

(Though I do think Ron would appreciate the Sheen Pyramid of Greatness…)

Mama said share.

So, hi. And stuff.

I know, I know, I’m not here much lately. But trust me, that is my gift to you. Because if I actually DID try to write anything right now it would pretty much go like this:

BLAH BLAH JOB HUNT BLAH KILL MYSELF BLAH BLAH STRESSY MCSTRESSORSON BLAH SOMEONE SHOOT ME BLAH WHERE IS MY WINE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

And really, no one needs to hear that. (Except for my IRL friends and family, who have no choice. Uh. Sorry guys.)

So, that’s where I’m at right now. But I’m still around, to be sure. You know I’m too much of an e-addict to just disappear completely. In fact, I’m over here every Tuesday. I’ll be at this AND this tonight. And you guys know I’m always here and here… and finally, the darling B and I are (newly, and probably against his will) over here, shizzing it up on the daily.

Hopefully, once things settle down, I’ll have the energy to share once again. But for now, all I have the strength to do is live, day by day. (And tweet by tweet.)

Until then, please enjoy…

CATZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mama said share.

So, yeah. I was in Chicago for a week, and some stuff totally happened there, and it was tons of fun and I had a blast at Saturday’s Goose Me Happy Hour, and got to see my BFF Kbo a ton, and B and I ate lots of food that was bad for us and probably even more booze, and Chitown is super fun and easy to get around and probably one of my new favorite cities ever. Da Bears.

But more importantly, today, @storm_search showed me an app where I can Jerseylicious myself.

So, yeah… that happened:

And then we had the even better idea of Jerseylicious-ing the CATS.

So, obviously… I did:

I hope the Jersey craze never, ever ends. And now I have a good idea of what our Christmas cards are gonna look like this year…

The most excellent Jerseylicious-ing app is here. Please feel free to share in los commentos*.

*Jersey Spanglish for “the comments”.

Mama said share.

A couple hours ago, my mom sent me this crap (love you Mom):

Everyone loves Guns and Roses

I Will Cut You

Born to Rock

Sup, G?

Is that edible?

On second thought…

That’s right baby…I still got it.

Rice Cereal? I don’t need no stinkin’ rice cereal!

OH! Cold Wipes! Cold Wipes!

I can’t believe this place

Yeah.. I just farted

Tell me she did NOT just say that!!

My response:

They’d be funnier if they were cats.

Her response, two hours later:

Like this?

Everyone loves Guns and Roses

I Will Cut You

Born to Rock

Sup, G?

Is that edible?

On second thought…

That’s right baby…I still got it.

Rice Cereal? I don’t need no stinkin’ rice cereal!

OH! Cold Wipes! Cold Wipes!

I can’t believe this place

YOU just farted!

Tell me she did NOT just say that!!

Me: Holy… did you just MAKE that?!

Mom: Yes. Don’t tell anyone.

Me: You’re my hero.

Mama said share.

You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says“…

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B has Axe Murderer in his arms…

B: Hey, do you think we should change her name from Axe Murderer to Ms Kitty Galore?! (to Axe Murderer, who has her crazy “I will slit your throat” eye-saucers going full steam) Whaddya say?? Are you a Miss Kitty Galore? We’ll get you sparkles, and a tiara…

Me: Ooooo, and then we can call Murray Mr. Fancy Pants! Then it’s like they’re married!

B: They’re brother and sister, you sicko!

Me: Meh. He’s been neutured! And they had different dads anyway. They’re only halfsies.

B: (squishing her to his chest) MISS KITTY GALORE!!!

Axe Murderer: *cry of anguish*

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While watching Top Chef…

Me: I kind of love Gail.

B: No, you don’t. You just really hated Tony.

Me: Hmm. That might be true. I DID hate Tony.

As they’re discussing someone’s overcooked steak…

B: See, right now Tony would be all, “My mother was raped by a cow, amd now my tongue’s been raped by a cow.”

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Someone is called a cat lady on TV…

B: You’re a cat lady!

Me: I hate to break it to you darling, but so are you.

B: Nonsense. I’m a LION TAMER!!!!!!

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A commercial for Two and a Half Men comes on…

B: If we just euthanized everyone who watches this show, America would grow up 20% smarter.

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Mama said share.

You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says“…

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On the couch, completely and totally out of the blue:

B: You know what our problem is?

Me: What?

B: Neither of has ever bought the other person a wolf. (reflects) You should probably get on that. My birthday’s in August.

Me: ……………

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While watching “The Gates”, a horribly-acted, completely tween-tastic, but still mildly entertaining wanna-be True Blood:

The Sheriff on the Gates: (talking to his wife) I killed that man… I knew he didn’t have a gun, he raped and killed those women, he was gonna walk… and I thought, what if it were you? Or our daughter? And I killed him. I shot him.

Wife: (after a long, drawn out, super-judgy pause) … We’ll… we’ll figure it out.

B: What the hell? Stop being so melodramatic! Oh, I killed an evil monster in the line of duty who was going to rape and kill innocent women! Wahhhh, poor me!

Me: Seriously. If you said that to me I’d high five you. Hell, that could be my Valentine’s Day present. You killed a rapist! And you did it for me? You get a pass this year for Christmas!!

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The other day, B was waiting in line at City Sports. He noticed a cute old woman standing just off to the side, and wanted to make sure he wasn’t taking Frontsies without asking.

B: Oh, I’m sorry, are you in line?

Bemused Woman: No, sweetheart… I’m just watching you dance.

Turns out, my love had been inadvertently tapping his foot along to George Michael’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go“… and made the mistake both of telling me about it, and of letting me share it with you.

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B’s new thing is to cover a “cat-designated” Yuengling box with about 40 ounces of catnip, and watch them go batshit around the apartment, before collapsing into a drug-induced kitty coma.

Me: Honey, go easy on the crack!! This much can’t be good for them!

B: Why do you have a problem with our cats being crackheads? What, they gotta go to WORK in the morning?!

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And on that note, much thanks to @jojozaff for bringing this into my life:

Mama said share.

Last night, I arrived home to a SNAIL MAIL PACKAGE!!!! from the marvelous @frickineh.

I tore into it to find… you guessed it… (wait, no you didn’t, because you’d never guess in a thousand years…

CAT FANNY PACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, unshockingly, this was the best picture I could get of Axe Murderer in her shiny new red fannypack….

She is, ahem… not a fan.

Mama said share.