These MTV challenges just keep getting crazier and crazier. I love it. Bring it on, y’all.

Challenge 3 | Good Vibrations | ZYNC from American Express(SM) Challenge
Open for 3 days ‐ from 12:01am (EST) July 12, 2010 to 11:59pm (EST) July 14, 2010.

Overview: MTV is music at its core. We want our new TJ to exhibit a real passion for music, and to take joy in discovering and breaking the ‘next big thing’…even if they live right next door. This challenge will test the TJ candidate’s ability to know talent when they see it and convince an undecided audience.

Personal: What three musical moments have impacted your life most?

Social: Expose and break a local band of your choice using any media channels available to you. Examples include blogs, the web, newspapers, magazines, video, television, radio, and more. At the end of the challenge, ZYNC from American Express will spotlight your band and their music at Miami Fashion Week!

The personal bit will come later, but for now I’d like to introduce you to my favorite local band,

REDLINE ADDICTION

Bam! Take that!!! In yo face!

Aren’t they edgy? Dirty hot, right? (They’re actually all DC working stiffs just like me, working towards The Dream. Who’dathunkit?!)

So how can you help me with this challenge?

By checking these guys out! Easy, right?

Follow their (very fun and active) Twitter here: @RedlineAddicts

“Like” their Facebook page HERE!

Listen to their music HERE!

Here’s my favorite song, “Everybody Knows”: Listen

Tweet this post to spread the word!

Come on, interwebs. Let’s make these guys HUGE and get them out of Corporate Americana forever!

And if you like what you hear (duh) and you’re in the area, you can support them THIS THURSDAY at the Mid-Atlantic Band Battle!

They’ll be competing at Jammin Java in Vienna, VA (show starts at 8, they go on at 10:30) for some cash money, baby, and studio time.

I’m heading to the studio to see them record tonight, so I’ll be back tomorrow with live footage for ya. For now, help a local band out by following and liking them! You know what to do.

(Love you, B. But come on. The man wrote me a song.)

I give you, from Rahul over at I Wear T-Shirts…Sometimes, the greatest musical performance of all time.

Lyrics:

What does lilu dream of,
when she writes a pretty funny tweet
Does she think of Dj Pauly
or a You Tube reference thats sweet

Don’t you worry all you twitter peeps
She’s going to write you something witty even if it comes to in her sleep
the she’s gonna go and hashtag it up
and then we’re gonna retweet and make it lots of fun

if she’s not the next MTV TJ

Then we’ll go and get drunk!

Thanks, Rahul. I’m at work right now and I totally just lizzed myself.

WORTH IT.

Til voting, y’all!!!!!! 11 am Eastern Time, what what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Voting will be at http://facebook.com/zync, starting at 11am Eastern Time!

And don’t forget, you can also help from now til voting ends on the 22nd by the following:

Twitter your hearts out, love muffins…

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj #lilu4TJ

(Feel free to get creative, this suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

Voting TODAY! (ACK!!!) will be via Facebook. You will only get to have to vote once, so make sure we’re Facebook friends!!!

Also, you can just click here to share my plight with your friends on your Facebook wall.

Love you long time. SMOOCHES.

Update: Ask and you shall receive, lovahs. Here’s my very own Kevin McAllister rendition of how I’m feeling today:

Yes, that is an actual Motivational Poster in the background. VOTE AND GET ME OUT OF THIS CUBE FARM!!!!!!!!!

Well, friends, today’s FINALLY the day!

I’m gonna keep it short and sweet, because some things are just to important to joke about.

Not abortion or Engrish jokes, obviously. Those are free game.

No, I’m talking about the fact that a few weeks ago, MTV- yes, you read that right, MTV- they came to me.

Little old me.

And well, basically… they’ve offered me the chance of a lifetime.

As of today, June 21st, I am one of 20 contestants competing in “The Search for the First MTV TJ” – aka Twitter Jockey.

And so, in three little words…

I need you.

In a few more,

I need you to make my dream come true.

To check out the full details, my ridiculous intro video, my full profile- all that is here.

Meanwhile, in this place, all I can do is ask for your help to make my dream job a reality.

The job itself may not have existed yet when I was born, or even two months ago, for that matter… but I believe it was meant for me. And, frankly?

I would own it.

And so, selfishly, unabashedly, I am asking for your help. For you to help me spread the word, via Twitter, an email or a Facebook shout out to your friends (are WE friends?? Make sure!), blogging it, posting the badge below… and eventually, for your vote when the voting opens in a few weeks.

In return, I vow to fill all the vending machines with PBR, Big League Chew, and unicorn farts for everyone!

Or something.

HOW TO HELP A GIRL OUT:

Add this badge to your sidebar (275 px):

<a href="http://www.livitluvit.com/i-need-you" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/mtvtj-1.png" border="0" alt="LiLu for MTV TJ"></a>

Smaller version (175 px):

<a href="http://www.livitluvit.com/i-need-you" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/mtvtj-1-1.png" border="0" alt="LiLu for MTV TJ"></a>

Tweet your heart out for me, all day, every day! (Yes, yes I’m greedy):

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite contestant in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj

(Feel free to modify, the above suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

And then, my love ducks… then we pray. Until we can vote. And then we vote and pray again.

I know there might be a lot of newcomers today, so I’d like to officially welcome you to my humble corner of the interwebs with the musical stylings of my partner in crime Maxie and myself, in the key of Stephen Colbert:

You’re welcome.

If you have any questions, new reader or old, please comment or email me. I’d love to hear from you in any and all formats.

But mostly by you pimping me on Twitter.

What?

Update: Here’s my intro video I sent into MTV. Um, after watching the others, it’s a little… DIFFERENT. But you wouldn’t expect anything less from me, would you?

It’s been a long time since there was a show on I COULD NOT MISS. There was Boy Meets World, Saved by the Bell, the Fresh Prince, Blossom…

(Shuttup. I’d still do Joey Lawrence. Whoa!)

But this, my friends… this is a shit show I have been waiting for with bated breath.

On July 29th, our beloved “Jersey Shore” returns to us, full blow-outs ahead.

MTV released thirteen minutes of first episode at their Movie Awards on Sunday, and a magical thirteen minutes they were. (Here, if you missed it. P.S. About missing it? DON’T.)

Oh, Snooki, J-Woww, Pauly D, and my very favorite Situation, I love you so. You truly represent the American dream.

Well, the 21st century one, anyway… you know: get on a reality show, make a gigantic (memorable) ass out of yourself, and make the nation fall in love/hate with you.

And I want to hate you. I know you represent all that is wrong with America’s youth today, or at least the Northeastern seaboard’s.

But I just can’t. I freaking love you crazy bastards, with your lube-shellacked hair, George Hamilton glow, and mouths that would make- well, me- blush.

What I would give to spend one night out with you guys. I already have the Bumpit and the potty mouth. All I need is a few hair-pulling lessons, and I’m good to go.

Let’s be honest, no one likes Angelina anyway. Bring me in and I’ll not only not cockblock you, hell, I’ll bring the talent HOME.

No grenades, I promise. You can creep all you want, pound it out with all the girls, and I’ll just have Snooki work on perfecting my pouf while we giggle at Pauly D berating some girl who’s stalking his whole entire life on the boardwalk.

See? I know the lingo and everything. I’ll even share my Jersey Shore drinking game with you while we pregame. One condition though: I’m not standing next to Snooki at the bar. Girl is like a magnet for physical abuse, and I like my face in one piece.

Bring it on, y’all. I can’t WAIT to “Get Jersey”… even if it is in Miami.

So yesterday, I finally made The Switch.

You know the one I mean…

Woman to man. I’m finally a post-op transcentaur!

I kid, I kid.

Probably.

No no, my friends, I mean the most important switch any true interwebs addict (who can’t get an iPhone because of their Verizon family plan slash being poor DAMN YOU APPLE AND YOUR ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY JUST OUT OF MY REACH!!!!!) can make:

from BlackBerry… to Droid.

(Cue drum finale, cymbals, triangle!)

I’ve been wanting to switch teams (ha) for a while. The only thing I was worried about was not having real, push-me-and-feel-it-click buttons. This whole touch screen thing seems a little sketch, like the old guy at the bar who puts his cheek out for a kiss and then turns at the last second so you plant one on him.

What?

But the Droid- (hmmm, it needs a name. Eduardo? Eduardo it is)- won me over within the hour. First of all, Eddie has a KEY FOR EVERY LETTER!!!!! (Yes, I had the Pearl, aka the only Berry without a qwerty keyboard. And yes, it blew chunks. Big wet ones.)

I know, I know. I’m so behind the times. I’m basically Amish. Or the Duggars. (Having twenty kids is SO 19th century.)

Anyhoo. Not only does Eddie have a FULL keyboard, the damn thing practically knows what I want to say before I think it. Or at least, is reallyreally good at guessing. Here, I’ll prove it.

Let’s see what happens when I try to type in some of my most recent searches that led people to this here blog:

I typed:   dynp jb my pNys rmi thuesdau

Eddie knew I meant:   dump in my pants tmi thursday

I typed:   jetay shore deibkinf gae

Eddie knew I meant:    jersey shore drinking game

I typed:   tampok ibsertioncmp counselie

Eddie knew I meant:    tampon insertion camp counselor

I typed:   ccaugr jt ib rhe rheelevarir doota

Eddie knew I meant:    caught it in the elevator doors

*sigh of happiness* 

This, my friends, is the beginning of a Great Romance.

Not going and really fucking sick of hearing about it? I don’t blame you. It’s going to be awesome.

Uh… quick, look at this!…

Moving on.

So. You MAY have heard that I’m going to be traveling to the great state of Nevada tomorrow, to the land of slot machines and margaritas-the-size-of-heads, and all things sequiny and delightfully tacky.

B will not be joining me because he is a sane person (wha wha wha???), but as I told him last night, it’s cool because Aunt Flo’s in town. So not only does he get to miss out on THAT business, I can’t cheat on him! Really, I’m going to Vegas for HIM.

Such a giver, I am.

The things I plan on doing over the next three days are as follows:

Have an ass-slapping contest with Lbluca77.

Not be totally weird with my most favoritest Vixen.

Have a baby with our resident mama bear, Rachel. (Don’t worry, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? Babies totally count.)

Make naughty kitty-cat jazz hands with verybadcat.

Maul Tia wildly and inappropriately the moment I see her. (Sorry, Ben. It’s happening.)

Swap “funny boyfriend” stories with Michelle.

Make Kathleen eat some cheese, even if it’s just the schmoopy kind.

Swoon over vampires with Ali. And maybe bite her a little when she’s not looking. What?

Call StaceyParadise “Tootsie Pop”.

Get Mel drunk off wine and make her tell me about her worst date of all time.

Embrace my quirks and inner klutz with Mandy.

Give Lindsay 1,000 bear hugs so she’s not scared of us all. Even though she probably should be.

Immediately go up in flames when Nicole’s crazy and my crazy finally meet. God have mercy on us all.

Draw on someone with Sharpie with Leahchristine.

See Amy’s feisty in person. It may not be on the blog, but I know it’s there.

Drink endless mimosas with Doni.

Indulge in a boatload of unnecessary carbs with Jessica.

Do karaoke with Chelsea, because she can actually sing + I am the most tone-deaf person of all time = HILARIOUS.

Make poop jokes with Nicopolitan.

Help RondaMarie drink to forget.

Reminisce about the days when the BoSox didn’t suck with ohhayitskk.

Steal Katelin’s awesome hair. (Yes, I know it’s not a wig. But put enough tequila in me and I’ll swear it can be done.)

Get 412 makeovers from the fabulous Lizzy Marie, my bi-coastal BFeffinF.

Make listen to because I’m not brown people jokes with Rahul (dot not feather).

Try not to make Mary and Shine sorry they agreed to room with Maxie and me.

Belt out Backstreet Boys everywhere we go with GingerMandy and Just A Girl.

Remarry my beloved Maxie, preferably by an Elvis impersonator, or someone wearing an ascot.

See what the hell it is that Ben got her, in reference to this tweet:

To all the rest of you I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting, in person or on the interwebs… I can’t freaking wait to fix that. And every single one of you should prepare yourself for a too-tight-hug.

See you tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raise your hand if you’re going to Chipotle for lunch after watching this…

Happy Friday, bumpkins!

Hey all! It’s been far too long since I tipped back a beer with many of you, so in true LiLu form, I’m here to fix that.

On Wednesday (the 7th), Tonic in Columbia Heights (about 2 blocks from the metro; map here) is throwing a Cherry Blossom-themed Happy Hour to benefit Global Youth for Education and Change, a non-profit in South Africa that provides food, clothing and general care to children impacted by the HIV/AIDS pandemic. No cover charge and drink specials galore- what more could you want?

If you can come, RSVP here and let me know I’ll be seeing your pretty face! I know the bartender personally and she’s a doll among dolls.

That got weird.

But seriously, I hope you can make it. I’ll have my bells on. Or a boa. Or something equally ridiculous.

Now scroll down for your Friday happiness… 

Keep going…

TOLD YOU.

Happy weekend, lovebugs!

Okay, so.

A lot of you probably already know about this, but I wanted to wait to announce it here until it’d taken off a bit… and it sure as shit has.

If you’ll remember, earlier this month B and I embarked on a new and quite X-treme!!! fitness journey, which is going very well. Many of you asked me to keep you updated on our progress… but I’ve decided to do you one better.

One way, WAY better.

Last Tuesday when I was pounding away on the treadmill, it came to me. Like Smee in Hook, “lightning… had just struck my brain.”

BAM. Within minutes, I was the proud new owner of InItToGymIt.com.

I moved forward quickly- I knew exactly what I wanted this place to be. A little web design, 80+ contributors, and more than 30 posts (from as many people!) later… In It To Gym It was born.

Our ‘About‘ page:

We’re all In It for different reasons.

We have different things we need to share, different goals, different pant sizes.

This is a place to vent, to despair, to support, to be unbelievably corny.

This is a place to do whatever we have to in order to hold ourselves accountable, be it record calories, exercise, feelings, insults, ambitions, poundage, or ugly cries.

This is not a competition. This place is simply meant to help each other facilitate those goals, whatever they may be. To create a community of support and motivation, no matter how silly or trivial a complaint or worry or bitchfest may seem.

(And, um, to add a little thing called accountability in the mix? Don’t hurt a thing.)

60+ contributors and growing, posting whenever, whatever, they need to.

The only rule is play nice.

The name of the game is get in shape, girls and boys…

Therefore, we are:

IN IT TO GYM IT.

As DC Blogs* called it last night…

And it’s all ours.

Thank you so much to everyone who helped with it’s creation, who jumped on board, who reads, who comments, who supports and helps motivate. That really is the name of the game, after all.

Sidebar: Want the IITGI button for your sidebar? Here’s the code:

<a href="http://inittogymit.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1020.photobucket.com/albums/af321/liluspics2/gym-1-1.jpg" border="0" alt="In It To Gym It"></a>

Twitter, Facebook, 20sb, and our Google Group. Okay, swear I’m done!

So from now on, any fitness-related notions or updates of mine will be over there. If that’s your bag, check it out! The bigger the community the better, right?

If not, rest assured that THIS place, the LiLu you’ve come to know and (hopefully) love, won’t be changing a smidge. It will be cat antics, self-deprecation, the shiz B says, and other ridiculous business as usual.

So wherever I see you around, whether it’s here, there, or everywhere, thanks for being there. You fill my heart with butterflies, rainbows, and cats wearing silly outfits.

*Speaking of DC Blogs, I am honored to announce that I will be taking over the Tuesday round-up as a regular gig from now on. So make sure to always post your best stuff on Mondays!

Wait, what?

Today, I leave my District bubble and head down South to celebrate the first of my Carolina Girls’ bachelorette parties.

Mere, we knew you’d be the first from the moment we met Shawn. (Are you preggers  yet? How bout now? Now??)

Anyhoozle, I can’t wait to get down there and have a couple Very Klassy Evenings out with my ladies…

*coughcough*

Savannah ain’t gonna know what hit it.

My Sweet Carolina Girls - Best in the World

And that’s a threat… not a promise.

(Remember the Dominican, y’all?…

Uh huh.

Let’s DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

Ten years ago, the best long distance runner on our track team was jealous of MY legs, and I was competing with the shot putters to see who could do more push-ups during calis.

Yes, it was ten years ago. Yes, I was 16 and didn’t yet have a curve to my name.

I don’t care.

I want it back.

I want that feeling… that strength. That swagger.

I want to rock it at my girl’s wedding. I want to make this look goooooood in Vegas.

Now, I am not a big girl by any means. I know this. 

But I am SOFT, y’all. I’ve gone from sharp chedder to a ripe brie… and I’ve had enough.

I am sick of feeling weak. I am tired of feeling self-conscious.

It is time for a real change. It is time to get EXTREME. 

And so, my friends… with the power of B by my side, an absolutely insane hour-a-day training program, and a devastating lack of cheeseburgers from my life… I will do it. I will get it back, with a side of Michelle Obama arms to boot.

Please and thank you.

Three months, six days a week.

Half the booze, none of the fried.

(Somebody shoot me.)

Well, not really. If you’re on Twitter or actually read to the end of my posts or are one of my best friends, you’ve probably heard me at some point (or 50) say…

“Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. MOM. MOM. MOM!!!!!!!!!!

Look what I did.”

(And yes, in this scenario, you are all my mother. Let’s not dwell on that. Just continue the exercise, folks, and we’ll all get out of here with our sanity intact.)

(Maybe.)

Anyhoo, I have, as of lately, started to dabble in the art of creating blog layouts for others. When I had mine done last year, it piqued my curious cat-like mind.

*snort*

Hey!

…and ever since, I’ve been teaching myself the ins and outs and upside downs of it all. There’s been a LOT of trial and error, heavy on the error at first… (quote from B: “You have to stop SCARY gasping like that!!!”)…

But I daresay I’m getting the hang of it.

And more importantly, I LOVE it. I’m in like-like, here, folks. If it passed me a love note right now, I would totally check “yes” instead of “maybe.” I’m ballsy like that.

Point being, I’ve now done enough of them where I feel like we should probably have a little session of show and tell. And today is my day.

on the road with cavy:

It’s Unbeweavable!:

The Bridal Bloggettes:

The Wayfaring Stranger:

Blog Voyeur Turned Blogwhore:

Sloppy Words…

Vixations of a Vixen…

Shimmerfairy’s Blog…

Not That Kind of Girl:

Just Run Just Live Just Be:

On the shelves:

(A couple that didn’t work out, but I love them and am saving them for… you??)

and also…

So, yeah. That’s what I’ve been insanely busy with the past few weeks… but I ain’t complaining. I’m absolutely loving it. I hope you do too, for obvious reasons.

Should you love it so much you want one of your own (Wordpress only, sorry!), just drop me a line. I’ll be sitting on my butt all day, thanks to the Snowpocalypse 2010.

Happy Snowday to my DC Peops! Let’s hold out for one more…

Bullet time!

~ Yesterday’s comments were pretty amazing- if you haven’t weighed in yet, I’d love to hear what you think. Saved by the Bell is involved.

~ My sister, who is young, talented, gorgeous, way funnier than me, and incredibly intelligent (she totally kicked my ass in the SATs), is in need of a job in the Boston area. If you know of any professional openings, please drop me a line here and I’ll put you in contact. Also, I will forever be in your debt and send you cookies like, at least twice a year. For a year.

~ My butt buddy Jenn, who is young, talented, gorgeous, lit-rally BUCKETS of fun, and too damn smart for her own good (in the “you’d-love-her-to-work-for-you” kinda way), is ALSO in need of a job… in D.C. My people in the District, rise up and come forth and all that! Shoot me an email and I will have her send you her (impressive) resume faster than a Democrat losing the key Senate seat in Massachusetts.

~ ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!

~ After the 20-hour headache that was putting together the (awesome-and-totally-worth-it!!!!!) Love Harder video, I have officially decided I need a Mac. Anyone selling a laptop? That they will promise on pain of my ripping them a new one on this blog is totally legit and will not die on me? BECAUSE IF ANOTHER COMPUTER DIES ON ME I WILL GO ALL STABBY ON A STRANGE CHILD and no one wants that.

~ I’ve got a guest post over at Middle Aged Waitress today, in which I recount my First Day Ever of being a waitress. Suffice to say, it did not go well…

~ Thought I’ve said it all over the interwebs, I have yet to officially say Thank You, so much, to everyone who voted for me in the 20SB Bootleg Awards. I walked away with more than my fair share, and I could not be more honored. I knew I had “Most Awkward” in the bag, but “Best Female”? “Funniest”? Y’all blow me the freak away. (More awesome news to come re: me and 20SB later this week… WOOT!)

~ I have a copy of TFLN to give away! The book is a comprisal of all the best “Texts No One Remembers Sending”… and it is one hawt mess. Just leave a comment here to be entered! (Winner announced Friday.)

Taking a day to work on an ohsospecial project that will be unveiled Wednesday- trust, it is THE Awesome- but go check out my DC Blogs round up!

Besos.

Is a 20SB Bootleg award.

Or six.

I found out today, and am completely and totally honored that, I’m (for the first time!) a “finalist” nominee for the following 20SB “award” categories…

Funniest Blogger (I’m going to hope this is “with”, not “at”… but we all know the truth)

Best Commenter (cause I heart you twerps)

Least Likely To Be “Marked As Read” (awww, love that!)

Blogger I’d Share A Drink With (I will admit… much like Charlie, I am fun to drink with)

Most Awkward Blogger (no surprise here. Love it.)

And last, but oh-so-NOT-least…

Best. Freaking. Female. BLOGGER!!!!!

ROCK.

So, look, guys. I know this is just a weebit shameless. But, if you do for some reason think that maybe I would be worthy of one (or all- yes, I am totes greedy like that) of these awards I’ve been put up for, please go vote here!

Or just click this...

It would make my day. Or at least my hour. And you could even, like, tweet this, if you wanted to. Who knows… maybe your finger will just slip on that cute little blue “t” icon down there. That’s it… the one right under this post.

Anyhoo, no matter what happens, thank you so much for the nods in the first place… I am truly flattered!

LOVE YOUR FACES.

Hopefully raising a glass with me. Just sayin.

I shall be wearing an adorable purple dress, and this:

See you then!

It still hasn’t sunk in that tomorrow, yes, TOMORROW, I will be roaming the rainforest-y hillsides of Costa Rica with my lovah. You see that little post tag down on the right, the one that says “dear god how am I not still in Puerto Viejo“, and has FOURTEEN posts dedicated to it? Yeah, well… now I finally WILL be back on that gorgeous Caribbean beach… and I could not be any more stoked in the pants about it.

Don’t be too jealous. I’ll miss you guys, I swear. Just… a little less every time I sip something with a wee umbrella in it.

Now don’t fret- I do have a few posts scheduled to go up while I’m gone, especially the two next installments of the “Post Secret” TMI Thursdays. (Don’t know what Post Secret is? Click HERE to be amazed). Your submissions have been truly awesome… keep ‘em coming, too, and I’ll post them until we get every last one up for all to see. Send them to heylivitluvit at gmail dot com, and if you don’t want even me to know who you are, you can send it from the top secret email account I made just for this purpose…

Log in at Gmail with the username: tmithursday

Password: tmit1234

Okay then! I think we have time for one last “Shiz My Boyfriend Says” before I go, don’t you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday evening, he suddenly hops up off the couch…

B: Baby, I have a poop situation!

Me: By all means…

[He heads to bathroom, stops, comes back to the couch]

Me: What happened?

B: Forgot my beer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The other night, we were watching a DVD and left the player on while we went downstairs to do laundry. When we came back…

B: Why is the player off??

Me: It turns itself off after a while if it’s not playing.

B: Well that sucks!

Me: No, it’s good, actually. The player burns out faster if it’s left on all the time.

B: Listen, don’t you contradict me, woman!

Me: YOU taught me that!

B: Well definitely don’t contradict me with things I’ve taught you!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the bathroom…

Me: Baby, where’s the bathroom trash can?

B: I threw it away.

Me: … Um, why?

B: IT WAS INEFFICIENT!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 While watching the Office…

Me: Damn. Erin has a serious rack.

[They talk about Michael falling into the Koi Pond...]

B: Those are like $2000 bucks!

Me: Excuse me?!

B: What? [Blank stare] The koi fish!

Me: OH. I totally thought you meant her boobs.

B: No! [Ponders] Well, those are probably about $2000, too.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While watching Murray be his adorable dumb self…

B: Murray looks like a mongoose.

Me: He looks nothing like a mongoose.

B: Yes he does! He’s exactly the same. In fact, I replaced him with a mongoose a week ago and you didn’t even notice!! 

Me: … I can’t even argue with that logic. Good one, baby.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Farewell, my lovely blogdudes and blogettes. I’ll check in when I can! Don’t have too much fun without me…

UPDATE: I just found out that my BFF Maxie is going to be moving here to DC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so mad I won’t be here this weekend to celebrate, but Lexa has already been instructed to get you a shot of tequila on me. LOVE YOUR FACE! Congrats and Happy Happy Birthday, my darling wife!

Few can deny the succulence of the potato. Its many and varied forms, as well as its ability to grow in nearly almost any terrain and weather, make it one of the most commonly shared menu items cross-culturally. Its diversity is undeniable; its utter deliciosity difficult- nay, impossible to argue.

Be it mashed, fried, baked, homefried, hashbrowned, scalloped, cheese-i-fied, casseroled, McDonalds’d, or even vodka’d… the potato is a marvelous and majestic creature in any form.

There is one special hat the potato wears, however… one that a person of any age can appreciate, be it your first encounter with said unique form, or if it brings back the strongest sense of nostalgia for lunch ladies in hairnets doling out healthy portions of sloppy joe, or the joy that was the realization of the ever exciting “chicken patty day”.

I speak of course, my friends, of the potato’s most original and crispiest shape…

The Mighty Tater Tot.

I weep for the child who might live out his or her school days with nary a taste of this gem among lunch sidedishes. No one denies the revered deliciousness of the French Fry; truly, these are simply apples and oranges that happen to share the same “roots”. They are, if you will, the original two “brothers from another mother”.

But the French Fry is an everyday occurrence; we expect it to pop in and say hello. The Tater Tot is an unexpected delight when it appears, like a proud son coming home from war. We are at once overjoyed at its presence and relieved to know that despite our underlying fear of its disappearance from our lives forever, the Tot does indeed live on.

As a tribute to the great Tot, with its endless crisp and unparalleled ability to comfort even the most heavyhearted of souls, I hereby humbly submit to the District of Columbia a self-created map of all the saintly bars and restaurants who are smart enough to carry this magnificent creature on their menus. No longer will it be a shiny unicorn eluding us at every turn! We can now seek it out on those hungover Sunday mornings, and plan our Happy Hours around its holy presence.

I give you, dear friends…

The Map of The Great Tot.

Click to enlarge (twss)

 1. Tonic, Mt. Pleasant                              6.   Hamilton’s

  2. Tonic, Foggy Bottom                           7.   Sticky Rice

3. Bourbon                                                    8.   Bar Louie

       4. The Bottom Line                                    9.   Solly’s Tavern

            5. BLT Steakhouse                                     10.  Duffy’s Irish Pub

For those of you not in D.C., my deepest apologies that your hunt for Tatery Tot goodness must go on. But I urge you to take initiative, and help your fellow townsmen and women, so that they too might be able to enjoy the elusive yet most magical form of potato… whenever their hearts desire.

That’s right folks. The infamous birthday/#pbandtuna wedding is finally here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll be honest, folks. I have been super stressed and freaking out all week.

But now that the big weekend is actually here, I have NOTHING BUT EXCITEMENT churning in my loins.

To everyone who’s coming from out of town:

I am going to lick your faces so damn hard, oh my gaw. You are amazing and totally rock my socks off. Look, they’re totally across the room. (Everyone IN town: you are 9/10 as awesome but don’t feel bad. They really had a leg up on you on this one.

…TWSS.)

To my blushing bride, who wrote the sweetest vows EVAR and made me cry before 8am on my birthday when I read them…

Just you wait until I give you your present today. REVENGE IS A BITCH.

In all serious, I love you so much, Maxie. I don’t know how I existed before you came into my life. You are one of the kindest, funniest, warmest, cuddliest people I have ever known, and I am seriously lucky to call you a friend. (And lovah.)

Tonight we shall snuggle Murray together and it will be GLORIOUS.

All right, y’all. I have a shit ton of stuff to do to get ready, so I’m off. But please to enjoy the one video on the interwebs that makes me happier than anything else in the e-world. It’s an oldie but a goodie…

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

(I am *so* doing these dance moves tomorrow.)

If you’re in DC, don’t forget… the bash is tomorrow at Stetson’s (upstairs) at 16th and U Streets. We’ll be there at 8 sharp to stake it out…

Woot!!!!!!!!!!!