Hey! Have you tweeted yet today? (If you don’t know what this is about, please to clicky here!)

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite contestant in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj

(Feel free to modify, the above suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

The actual VOTING will start on July 7th, and it will be via Facebook. (I know, the irony…) Anyway! You will only get to have to vote once, so make sure we’re Facebook friends and I’ll send ya a reminder! WOOT!!!

And now back to our regular programming…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Understandably, MTV wanted to give their viewing audience/interwebbers a change to get to know us 20 candidates a little bit better. So, they sent us an impossibly long Q&A. I’m not sure if I should be proud or ashamed of what I put forth, but it is what it is… (here’s the second half).

LiLu’s Q&A with MTV – Part II

How do you go about getting followers? In your opinion, what is it about you that makes people follow you?

My preferred method for attracting followers has always been simple: “Try to write stuff good.”

Where that fails, I go on the offensive, sharing intimate and humiliating details from the dark corners of my world that no self-respecting person ever would, generally with a healthy side dish of profanity.

And yes, I’ve already puffy-painted my handbasket to Hell. There’s an empty seat or two on my bus if you’d like to come along. There’s going to be a karaoke machine and we’ll all be drinking tequila.

How does pop culture influence your life? What about pop culture do you love/hate?

Pop culture, which in this day and age (to me) means awesomely bad reality TV, is my absolute favorite of everything that ever existed. I get more and more excited as it grows increasingly trashier with each new show. There is no program so terrible I won’t watch and thoroughly enjoy it. Bret Michaels, Tori Spelling, Janice Dickinson, the Bad Girls Club, teens who are pregnant, teens at fat camp, and my greatest pop culture love of all, Jersey Shore. The endless blog and twitter fodder they all provide is simply priceless.

Even better than these blissfully entertaining atrocities are the comedic geniuses who have full-time careers mocking them. Joel McHale, CALL ME. Smooches.

What inspires you to publish yourself in the online social media space?

A blatant need for attention, and also it helps to get the voices out of my head.

Meeting new people is pretty okay too, I guess. (And by “pretty okay” I of course mean my favorite part of life, ever.)

Is there such thing as TMI? When do you say when? From your personal experience, describe an instance of someone you know (or follow, etc) going over the line in the digital realm.

As the creator of blogland’s TMI Thursdays, I’d have to say I don’t really believe in “saying when,” on the internet or otherwise. Life’s much more interesting without things like boundaries and filters and shame.

For me, the only thing I can’t stand hearing about online is schmoopy relationship crapola. Look, I get that we all need to shout from our respective rooftop every once in a while… but on the reg, notsomuch. Oh, you love your boyfriend/hubby/Uncle Stan who’s not actually your uncle but calls himself that while he tries to grab your butt? That’s great. Here’s your medal. You are SO UNIQUE.

/rant.

How do you feel the role of the TJ will differ from that of the traditional VJ? How are they the same?

TJ was bigger than VJ. You know… around.

Wait. I think I misunderstood the question. Do over?

Ahem. I feel like both a TJ and a VJ bring information to the public, but the benefit of being a TJ is that it would be so much more of a two-way conversation. Mano-a-mano, and all that jazz. Me likey.

Who are your favorite Tweeps and Twitterers online? Why?

Well, I’m pretty sure it’s not actually Mickey Rourke, but whoever’s running that timeline is hands down my favorite of all time ever Amen. … They also owe my boyfriend an explanation in regards to my sudden and urgent desire to own a cockatoo.

Also, Kenny Powers (NSFW) always makes me snort awkwardly, usually in public. I’ve gotten really good at making it look like a sneeze, albeit a messy one. (New season of Eastbound and Down September 26th, wahoooooooo!)

Why are you perfect for this job? What makes you the ideal candidate?

I am, quite frankly, the bee’s knees. The cat’s pajamas. The dog’s tuxedo. The ostrich’s ascot.

In all seriousness, my favorite thing in life is interacting with people; turning strangers into friends, for lack of a less corny way to put it. With this job, the opportunities to do that would be endless, and frankly, it makes me a bit moist in the pants.

If you are selected as the new TJ, what would be the first thing you tweet? What aspect of the job would you be most excited about?

The first thing I tweet would probably have the words “yeah” and “bitches” in it, except that I’m not sure if I’d be allowed to say “bitches,” but “suckas” is so 2003, you know? Oh, well. I’d make do.

I couldn’t possibly pinpoint what the best thing about the job would be… NYC? MTV? Interwebbing all day and getting PAID for it? Being able to sing along to Fergie’s “Glamorous” and not get depressed?

SIGN ME THE EFF UP, YO.

What would you want to accomplish if you got this job? What would be your key goals?

To show the world you don’t have to be cool to be cool.

Wait, did Aziz Ansari already beat me to that? CRAP.

What would you do with the money you make?

Reenact the Ferris Bueller parade through the streets of Chicago, Matthew Broderick and all.

I recall… Central Park in fall… you tore your dress, what a mess…

If you could meet one current music artist, movie star or TV celebrity through this TJ job, who would it be? Why?

Hmmm. Probably John Hamm, because he’s on my “celebrities I’m allowed to bone” list.

Or Chelsea Handler, although I’m pretty sure within minutes of being in the same room together, something would be on fire and we’d be riding around on alpacas while Chuy made us martinis.

I’ll go with Option B.

Predict the future! What kinds of technology trends do you think will affect this job? How do you think services like Twitter will evolve? What is going to be the next big social technology?

Scientists have proven that within five years… the internet will be able to fly.

Put on your party pants!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P.S. Have you heard about 20sb’s latest Blog Carnival, “Friends and Money”? You could win $100- just participate and send them your link by tomorrow night! More deets here.

Hey! Have you tweeted yet today? (If you don’t know what this is about, please to clicky here!)

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite contestant in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj

(Feel free to modify, the above suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

The actual VOTING will start on July 7th, and it will be via Facebook. (I know, the irony…) Anyway! You will only get to have to vote once, so make sure we’re Facebook friends and I’ll send ya a reminder! WOOT!!!

And now back to our regular programming…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Understandably, MTV wanted to give their viewing audience/interwebbers a change to get to know us 20 candidates a little bit better. So, they sent us an impossibly long Q&A. I’m not sure if I should be proud or ashamed of what I put forth, but it is what it is… (here’s the first half).

LiLu’s Q&A with MTV – Part I

Give us some background on where you grew up (or where you spent the majority of your life). What about your hometown do you love/hate?

I had the luxury of growing up in Suburbia Shrewsbury, Massachusetts. The greatest thing about living there was definitely the sense of community. Like, when I was in elementary school, we needed a playground. So the whole town came out and volunteered their time to build us this enormous beast of a thing where you could play “Don’t Touch the Gravel” for DAYS. It was magical.

And then, a decade later, they decided it was giving kids splinters, and tore it all down.

So, that’s pretty much the ‘Bury in a nutshell.

Though we did get to underage drink in Chinese restaurants. And the birth control pill was invented there…

Hmm. Let’s call it a wash.

What would a move to NYC mean for you and how would it impact your life?

Moving to NYC would mean an endless diet of Gray’s Papaya hot dogs, learning how to stay up past midnight again, and regularly Skyping with my cats back here in DC.

Wait, scratch that last one. Um, I want to see the Empire State Building! Yeah, that’s the one… *hides*

NOM.

If you were to name your biggest flaws, what would they be?

I drink. I swear. I’m clumsy. I use (and adore) words like “toodles” and “poppycock.” I’m addicted to cheeseburgers. I’m probably a little insane. I have the worst case of “Foot in Mouth” the doctors have ever seen.

Oh, wait. Isn’t this the one where I’m supposed to say something that sounds negative, but is actually a positive?

Uhhh, scratch all that. I’m such a perfectionist! It’s totally a burden! I do work (said Rob & Big style) in my sleep, son!

Describe a few of your funniest and/or most embarrassing moments.

Well, there’s a few hundred of them on my blog. Since that’s pretty much what I do.

But let’s see… there was the time I apologized to an advertisement of Joy Behar’s show at a crowded bus stop. The time I surprise trust-falled (a la Tosh.0) a dozen unsuspecting tourists on the National Mall. The time my cat farted down my throat, and as revenge, I dressed our “family” up in holiday costumes for last year’s Christmas card.

Never a dull moment around here, I tell ya.

When and why did you decide to sign up for a twitter account?

Dude, I’m Gen Y. Twitter is MADE for my getting-shorter-every-day attention span. Why say something in eleventy billion words when you could do it in 140 characters?

*whispers* Plus, it’s kind of totally where I get my news from. Don’t tell anyone.

Do you feel like your online persona is any different from your real life persona? How and why?

Honest answer? Not a bit. Not even the tiniest iota. Ask anyone who’s had the experience (and I choose that word carefully) of meeting me in person: I am the very essence of “what you see read is what you get.”

I’m an immediate hugger, an over-sharer, a bit of a mess… and yes, I’d love to grab a beer sometime.

Why do you think some people take on different personas online?

Clearly, they weren’t hugged enough as children.

I keed, I keed. But it’s not really something I can comprehend, quite frankly. I could never be anyone other than myself. It’s a helluva ride being me.

What are the websites other than twitter and facebook that you can’t live without? Why?

Dlisted, Jezebel and Warming Glow for my snarktastic pop culture needs (mmmm, sarcasm… tastes so good), and The Bloggess/Ask the Bloggess for my funny bone.

Also, every single one of the “Cheezburger” sites: Failbook, Engrish, Lolcats… I love it all. I also use the word “nom” far more often than any grown ass woman has a right to.

Are there any new social media apps/websites etc. that you are excited about? Describe.

I’m honored to be part of the 20 Something Blogger Management Team, which is a group of almost THIRTEEN thousand- you guessed, it, 20-something bloggers, and it’s basically so awesome it must be built out of unicorn farts, aka magic. If you ever feel lost on the internets, trust me, just go there. It’s like the YMCA for gay dudes in the late 70s, only, you know… for bloggers.

That got weird.

What kind of new social media app would you love to see or invent if you could?

Teleportation.

What the French, Google? You give me the capacity to e-meet all these awesome people from all over the world, and then I can’t go grab a drink with them? Can’t bear hug them? Can’t make them feel uncomfortable when we’re getting lunch in a busy restaurant and I announce FAR too loudly that I put my underwear on inside out that morning?

Get on that already.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More coming tomorrow, but how’m I doing? Are they getting the real LiLu, or what?

xoxo

P.S. Have you heard about 20sb’s latest Blog Carnival, “Friends and Money”? You could win $100- just participate and send them your link by Wednesday! More deets here.

~Hey! Are you reading this in a Reader? That’s cool… don’t want the man to see you being lazy, for sure. But do me a wee favor and click here, just for a second, if you don’t mind… *vague and mysterious ftw*~

So! My (23 year old) baby sister joined the rat race a few weeks ago. Though we both built character worked through college, she was in restaurants and bank teller-ing, so she’s never had the full-fledged “Office Space” experience before.

It’s been beyond hilarious for me to witness her (via many gchat conversations) discover all the horrible things that come along with the cubicle farm environment, like crotchety old coworkers, bathroom trials and tribulations (the stand-off!!!), pretending to looking busy, avoiding getting dragged into a “lunch group,” etc. etc.

One of the biggest things we both despise about working with people-we-didn’t-choose in a professional setting is, of course, the small talk.

OH GOD, the small talk. If I could banish its existence from this world, I would. I would make everyone’s mouth disappear the moment they tried to talk about the weather, or their kid’s birthday party, or their irritable bowel syndrome.

It would be magical.

But alas, I have no unicorn to speak of, and so we must suffer through it.

Anyhoo, as she was mocking her coworkers yesterday for their endless droning on about insignificant stuff ‘n things, the following conversation ensued…

Lil Sis: seriously, they’re talking about fucking BJs right now
  like literally what things cost

me: who!

Lil Sis: work people

me: *silence*

Lil Sis: You can get 14 bars of Lever soap for like $7!

me: OH
  oh my god.

Lil Sis: RIGHT?

me: um… NOT what i thought you meant when you said BJs.

Lil Sis: ooooo hahahahaha

Apparently, I’ve been away from Massachusetts so long, I’ve forgotten that BJ’s can also mean this:

I kill myself.

Also, now I’m kind of wondering about what they cost.

And not the wholesale kind.




P.S. Thanks to DC Blogs for the shout-out to my neon orange Jersey Shore tribute/condemnation yesterday!

(I’m probably bipolar.)

Some of you are fortunate crazy enough to follow me on the insanity that is The Twitter.

Shameless plug WHAT!

Some of you are smart enough not to.

To you I say, tough noogies!

Please to enjoy some of the mini-drivels I subject my fellow Twatterers to on the reg…

Me: Am I overbearing? B: *(cheerful as shit)* Only when you’re overbearing!

I just said the word “hizzy”, with hand gestures. I really, really wish I had a picture of B’s face.

Dear Padma: This is like the third pants suit you’ve worn this season. WE ARE OFFICIALLY OVER.

This is really sad, but… finding out that Shift + Tab is “Tab” backwards? One of the ten best things that’s happened to me this year.

Me: Oh, you got tall boys tonight, huh? B: Yeah… it means I have to get off the couch less. On account of the four extra ounces and all.

Only on my blog do the comments turn into The Great Strap-On Debate. Oh, wait… there’s no debate. You’re all for it, apparently.

This is going to sound weird, but the IT guy who just helped me smelled really good.. like a dad who bought you a bike on Christmas morning.

A twee Hispanic man just hissed “lesbian” at me on the street. I look decidedly preppy today. Color me confused.

I am 95% sure the old lady next to me on the bus just pooped herself. Where’s an “Oops I Crapped My Pants” when you need one?!

Me: Is it weird that my go-to insult is to say they look like they have pubic hair on their head? … Don’t answer that. @LexaLemmy: I won’t.

Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! http://tiny.cc/leU3Q The best part? He was already on probation for having sex with the SAME HORSE. via @chasrunner

B shaving off his beard, step 1:

B shaving off his beard, step 2:

B shaving off his beard, step Porno Star:

Me: You just CANNOT get a decent burger in Central America. @lexalemmy: I seriously want to post that to Things White People Say.

Coworker: Welcome back! Oh, you’re not tan. I thought you went to CR? Me: I did… this is super tan for me. Coworker: Oh. … I’m sorry.

In case you don’t want to look through 250 pics, my favorite from Costa Rica… SCOTT BAIO BARTENDER!!!!!!!

B just called me an evil hooker-whore. He then explained that it’s hyphenated when I glared at him with skepticism.

Awkward moment of the day: For some reason, I just told an almost-stranger of a coworker that my vacation was “magical”.

Apparently, Axe Murderer takes after her mama and papa – http://twitpic.com/q1yx1

LOVE IT.

Some of you are fortunate crazy enough to follow me on the insanity that is The Twitter.

Shameless plug WHAT!

Some of you are smart enough not to.

To you I say, tough noogies!

Please to enjoy some of the mini-drivels I subject my fellow Twatterers to on the reg…

Dear Tool Academy: If I had a penis, I would soooo stick it in you… apple pie style.

@Paper_Chaser Kathy Griffin… with a Levi Johnston on your arm. Re: What public figure should I impersonate this year for Halloween?

Just had a flashback to ripping off my ankle wrap during sexy time last night. That must’ve been super hot…

I just adjusted my jeans… and B assumed it was me trying to dance. God, I am white.

@LexaLemmy @ihatesomuch I miss you hookers already. Belt out something you know I could NEVER dance to on the way to @clevelandsaplum’s.

Today, I bought sensible underwear for the first time in my life. It kind of makes me want to go do a keg stand and puke out of a moving cab.

My favorite Halloween idea so far, via @afiendangelical: “Chuck Norris and MC Hammer. Because Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer.”

I know I’m 12, but I can’t see an “Orangina” without giggling.

My favorite found-my-blog search term today: “life is tough, get a helmet”.

Aaaaaaand my computer no longer has an F6 or F8 button. Thanks, Axe Murderer. You are a whore, cat.

Seriously? I’d rather be dumped via Post It. At least then you don’t have to STAY with the guy. Re: @msfbpuddin: What are people’s thoughts on a text message marriage proposal? Yay or nay?

I just typed “sad face” in a comment and then realized I was actually frowning. <— NERD ALERT

While cleaning the apartment… Me: “Hey, hand me the 509.” B: “You mean FOUR oh nine. We don’t have that fancy 509 shit.”

I’ve had FIVE google searchers today come from “hairlip vag open”. WTF.

@pilgrimcongress I just saw a girl who looked like you! Except you should teach her how to do her eyeliner right.

I would rather let a monkey fling its poo at me than ever watch another preview for Jennifer’s Body.

Just passed heavily pieced and tatted dood… walking his two mini poodles. Juxtaposition is fun!

B: Girl cat, did you just fart??? She farted right in my hand and now my hand smells!!! Ah!!

While walking around Columbia Heights… B: “Don’t step on that AIDS bag!!!”

I just took a shower and was confused by all the pink fuzz in the tub. Then I remembered we all shotgunned beers in there last night.

Ahahahahahaha!!! When fruit goes “bad”… watch out for his banana. via @ChasRunner:

If that’s not awesome sauce, I have no freaking idea what is.

But @12minds does:

Happy Tuesday!

So about a forever ago, K @ Blog Goggles tagged me in a post called “High School Hilarity” to post a picture of myself from a prom or dance in my teenager days. I promised that the next time I traveled home to MA, I would raid my mother’s scrapbooks and produce… and I am a woman of my word.

In fact, I’ve taken a picture from each year, and TWO from Freshman year, just because they were just too hilarious to choose between. And because I love you guys.

Numero Uno, Freshman year:

Please notice the braces and terrified smile. This was maybe because I’d just stabbed him 80 times trying to put that damn boutonnière on his jacket.

My mom finally had to do it.

Sexxxxxy.

Freshman year part deux:

This was the junior I somehow got up the nerve to ask to MY freshman dance. Ah, upperclassmen… Luckily he was too much of a gentleman to take advantage of me, though I sort of wished he would at the time… what?

And I don’t know if you can see them, but I would like to note that I am wearing enormous, chunky, black nylon strappy sandals. You are WELCOME.

(Please to also notice my hair is the EXACT SAME in both Frosh pictures. Way to be creative, LiLu.)

On to Sophomore year!

Braces are off, which is a start… I think I also managed to get the boutonnière on all by my big girl self this time. Still all knees and elbows, but we’re getting there. And the hair is a big improvement.

Junior year!

This is the high school boyfriend of four years- the one from the “Little Red Corvette” TMI Thursday (among others). Do I look sad? Maybe a wee bit pissed? Yeah, that could be because I CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL THREE DAYS BEFORE MY JUNIOR PROM TO FIND ALL HIS PRETTY, PRETTY HAIR SHAVED OFF AND HE DECIDED TO TELL ME THEN WITHOUT ANY WARNING BEFOREHAND THAT HE HAD JUST SIGNED UP FOR THE MARINES.

But, um, that’s a story for another day. (Also, yes, he is totally wearing a top hat. Klass, baby, all klass.)

Finally, all growed up, Senior year!

Seeing as my boyfriend was a marine in Okinawa, Japan, AND high school proms are sooooo laaaaame (when you’re 18 and STICKIN IT TO THE MAN!!!)… a group of my friends and I just all went together. And it was the best prom ever. And not JUST because of the miniature Sutter Home wine bottles I had in my purse.

Now, I’m supposed to tag some peoples, of course, but honestly… it would just really, really make my day if every single one of you did this. Come now, if we can’t laugh at our 16 year old selves… well, then at least let all of US laugh at you!

LYLAS, KIT, and 2 gr8 2b 4gotten!!!

See you at the pool this summer,

LiLu

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Update on this:

I just bumped into the big HEAD HONCHO of my department on the way up to work.

I said hi.

He saw it was me and cracked up laughing, shaking his head.

Let’s hope that was good laughing…

UPDATE on the Update:

I just got this in my email:

“Dear Colleagues,

Please visit the new web site for sharing departmental social activities! Enjoy the first batches of party pictures that have just been uploaded:

http://www.insert_terrifying_link_here.com

Regards,

Your Office’s Resident Gay”

I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared to click…

Today was my new company’s holiday party. They take it SERIOUSLY. Aka, the mission of the party is to get everyone as drunk as possible. Which I fully support, don’t get me wrong, and it was a blast. I got to make a name for myself in the department where no one knew me until today, a la karaoke. Here’s a typical LiLu snippet to brighten your day…

Co-worker Maria: (@ Non-drinking Co-worker Harry) Why are you drinking WATER??

Harry: I only drink cider. I was promised last year there’d be cider this year, and there isn’t. So I’m drinking water.

Maria: That’s no excuse! If they don’t have what you want, you drink the next best thing! Like wine! (She sloshes her glass of chardonnay)… Wine tastes different every time!

Harry: No, no. I have a rule: if I don’t like something, I don’t drink it.

My New Work Wife, Naomi: That’s a silly rule, Harry. If you don’t like a drink, you gotta drink the next best thing. Just because you don’t like IT, doesn’t mean it doesn’t like YOU!

LiLu: That’s so true! Company drinks are like a Friend With Benefits! You might not be in LOVE with them, but they gets the job done!

Blank stares…

(Just kidding. Actually, it went over really well. I think I’m gonna like it here…!)

B and I had a stupid, drunken tiff Friday night. We were in a 7-Eleven and had been arguing about something so dumb I can’t even remember what it was. He snapped at me, so I told him I’d be waiting outside and strode out (5-year-old style).

A few minutes later he emerged, and we bickered for a block or so before apologizing for our mutual drunken idiocy, and he took my hand. As we walked home together, he said something I’ll never forget…

“I bought you a taquito.”

As he handed me the warm and delicious Mexican delicacy, I knew in my heart that this truly was love. Even though he was furious with me, AND I’d stormed out of a Kwik-E-Mart on him, he still knew that soon enough, everything would be fine, and expressed this faith in our relationship through the procurement of a spicy buffalo chicken wrap.

I’ll always buy you a taquito, B.

So, apparently the internet shopping world hasn’t gotten the memo that I’m off the dating market. What makes me say that? Well, my friend, perhaps it’s because yesterday, I received THIS via snail-mail…

Please let me make it clear that I have absolutely NO idea why they have my mailing address, as I am positive I have not given this company any of my hard-earned dollars, internet-shopaholic or no. That said, if I HAD to buy something from this website, it would definitely be this:

For the bargain price of $450.00, how could I possibly resist?! THIS I could see wearing out to a bar… and when Joe Schmo doesn’t get the hint, all you’d have to do is lift your bedazzled pinky in the air as you sipped on a fruity libation of choice, and slowly drawl…

“When pigs fly, darling… When pigs fly.”

“So, you know how we probably don’t want children right now?” (This is the understatement of the year.)

“Yes…?”

“The universe just high-fived us, babe.”

Ah, romance…

Is fuck allowed? I can say fuck, right? Good. Because after eight years of working in restaurants, I think I utilize that wonderfully versatile word as frequently as “and,” “the,” and “fucktard.” Oh wait…

Anyway, after being totally inspired by such amazing women/bloggers/authors as Jen Lancaster, Crystal, and The Fug Girls, I finally decided (read: was forcibly coerced by my darling and threatening- I mean, talented friend Rob- excuse me for a shameless plug but he really is amazing) to start my own little story-time corner on the world wide web. Which really is a fantastic idea, because I’m always reading other people’s chronicles of their seemingly ordinary, yet humor-filled and deeply touching lives, and think how nice it will be years from now when they can relive all their memories so vividly? And I will have nothing.

SOOOOOOOOO, I guess it’s about that time.

My To-Do List:

• Start 401K
• Somehow start diary/blog of some sort, so then when 80 don’t look at picture of me in red pajamas destroying a gigantor pumpkin and wonder what the hell and why?

But that’s another story for another day. Suffice to say, the pumpkin had to die.

So here I am, 23 (for another month) and finally beginning to record the trivial nothings that make up my very wonderful, sometimes crazy, and most definitely scatter-brained life. Yay me!

I am, in general, sort of a mess (read: forgetful and accident-prone, but fortunately only the kind of accident that make me look like I am 12 years old because yes I’ve skinned BOTH knees in the past month- drunk- wearing flip flops, NOT heels, and yes it was two different occasions….. rather than the kind of accident that lands me in the hospital.) (Yay, new health insurance that just kicked in! Just in case irony decided to kick me in the ass for that one.) However, I love the spontaneous craziness that is my life and wouldn’t have it any other way.

I just moved to DC after a lovely 4 year stint in the Cack (North Carolina.) I am enthralled with the city; somehow, as big as it is, it manages to retain a true neighborhood-esque quality that I adore. I truly feel at home here. Walking around downtown is an activity in and of itself, what with all the gorgeous buildings, continuous going-ons, and people watching. I live in a fantastic rowhouse with kickass roommates, (Hi Sara! Hi Amy!) and walk down 14th Street to work in the morning. I’ve also been trying to change myself, as it is sort of a clean slate in a sense, and learned that partying less (or less hard, anyway) does not equal less fun.

(This non-drinking stint brought to you by Dell, or rather in the memory of a very beautiful 17″ Dell laptop BOUGHT LAST OCTOBER that I decided it would be fun to dump an entire glass of some generic Hi-C substance and Absolut Pear onto. Into. All over. While asleep. And then hours later, when I woke up and discovered my idiocracy (great movie), I immediately tried to turn it back on. Which is, apparently the WORST THING you can do to a possibly-fried electronic device. DO NOT TRY TO TURN ON A MOISTENED ELECTRONIC DEVICE until it is totally, completely, bone-dry. I suck.)

So, after a couple days of moping around, I realized that “drunken moron” is not my best color and decided to quit drinking for a while. I bought a used laptop on ebay that sits far, far away from me, my bed, my nightstand, my arm’s length, and my breathing-out-sphere. (Obviously I made that phrase up, and I’m really not sure that it works, but you get the idea.)

Hmm… perhaps some work now… Yay Friday!