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I am not really one for the schmoop. Generally, I prefer sarcasm and bonding over self-deprecating jokes over talking about our feeeeeeeeelings. If and when we do discuss our emotions, we better be a bottle of wine (or three) deep, ya dig?

But this time, I can’t help it. The past weekend was one of the best of my life, and I just want to scream it from a rooftop, like I was an Italian lover with a heart full of song, or John Cusack in the 80s. (Or John Cusack ever, who are we kidding.)

I spent the better part of last week in Vegas at Bloggers in Sin City (#BiSC), surrounded by 50+ of the kindest, sweetest, funniest, friendliest bloggers this side of the US border. (Yes, that includes Canada, Brandy/Simone. See what I did there?!)

Listen, I’ve been to a lot of meetups, tweetups, and other “let’s take this party offline” festivities in my day – I’ve even put on a few (dozen) of them myself. But let me invoke the power of Sinead O’Conner for a moment, and just tell you that nothing compares to this.

Everyone was just so OPEN and ready to really get to know each other. And we were at an immediate advantage with this, because we’ve all been stalking each other online for months in anticipation. As Nico so eloquently put it in his video recap, “instead of feeling people out and starting from scratch, a lot of these friendships just kind of hit the ground running.”

I didn’t walk into that first happy hour on Thursday to a crowd of strangers. I walked in and was immediately embraced, figuratively and literally, by 56 friends (and more than a few life-size cutouts of Donny Osborne. That shiz is everywhere in Vegas.) And while I am lame and old and wasn’t really drinking (since by midnight I literally felt like I had been roofied from exhaustion - DAMN YOU, EST INTERNAL CLOCK!!!!!), the party didn’t stop until the moment I left on Sunday morning.

Nicole (our amazing organizer), you are like a fairy godmother who sprinkles vodka and hair tinsel and condoms down on us all. My life is approximately 529% better for knowing you.

Chelsea, take care of that piece of my heart that you stole because I AM BROKEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT AROUND. Jenn, Doni, Katelin, my life is cold and gray without you in it. New pact to never go a year without seeing each other EVER AGAIN, cool? Cool.

Jenny, I’m so glad we got to spend serious QT together this year. Welcome to the club of “My Favorite People on Earth”. (It comes with a gold star.) Ditto Molly – your bubbliness is infectious, and I don’t do bubbly, so this is saying something.

I want to list every single person I met but A) I’m lazy, and B) we’re too busy chatting in our top secret Facebook group anyway. #nerds #loveit

Suffice to say I love each and every one of you, and will continue to stalk you on the internet now that we are apart once more. (Tear.)

And now, I will finally shut up about how great my life is, and let the pictures speak their thousands of ridiculous words.

To everyone who was there, face licks and hashtag dances and slash scoops forever. I can’t wait to see you all again next year.

Mama said share.

There are many different types of blogs in this world. Industry blogs, dating blogs, financial blogs, news blogs, pop culture blogs, mommy blogs… you name it, someone’s writing about it.

But what I consider this place to be, and the type of blog I relate to, are “lifestyle” blogs. People who talk about the interesting things that happen to them; momentous life events, hopes and dreams, funny stories, and the like. And if I had to wager a guess, the vast majority of posts from these blogs involve one little thing we can ALL relate to:

VENTING.

Delightfully exaggerated, unadulterated hatred for the minute, yet uncompromisingly annoying day-ins and day-outs of our lives. The endless atrocities that strangers, traffic, and small children commit against us each and every day. Dare I say, a lot of this very blog revolves around such things; in fact, if you click on my post category “hatred“, there are some 25 posts there alone. While I don’t think this is unusual, as writing is often a therapeutic outlet for frustration, I do sometimes worry that all you guys see of me is the haterade. It’s only natural- we as humans are much more likely to share a bad experience than a good one, because dammit, commiseration feels GOOD, yo. But I don’t want that to be the only side of me shown here.

Truly, I am a lover. I love LOTS of stuff. I love dive bars, wine, red meat, brunch, cats, rollercoasters, cheeseburgers, and- believe it or not- even a sizeable handful of people in this world.

(Sidebar: while we’re on this topic, are you one of those people who says you “love to laugh” in your social media bio? Because ZOMG YOU MUST BE THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO LIKES THAT! You are so original. I bet you also don’t like having the flu, and that you prefer Fridays to Mondays! Let’s bond over our mutual affinity for being happy rather than sad together!!)

Whoops… a little venting fell out. Moving on!

So, to mix it up, here’s some of the GOOD in my life – those little things that will make me love you, almost as quickly as standing on the left side of the escalator will make me shank you.

What?

Things That Will Make Me Instantly Adore You:

(thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!)

Making a “there’s always money in the banana stand…” reference.

Belting out a song in public, karaoke or impromptu. (Extra points as the song gets more embarrassing.)

Giving your seat on the bus to a lady, a munchkin, someone older, etc.

Being fully aware of, accepting, and openly discussing your flaws (not in a debbie-downer way; just a self aware, “I’m working on this” way).

Admitting when you’re wrong.

Giving me an honest opinion in the dressing room. I am depending on you to set me up for (booty) success, here.

Expressing a love for meat. (Extra points for meat wrapped in other meat.)

YES and also PLEASE.

Not being afraid to cancel our grandiose plans of sight-seeing or museums in favor of getting tipsy and people watching. (Also see: recognizing the inherent value in getting tipsy and people watching).

Showing up at my house with an awesomely bad movie and three bottles of wine… for the two of us.

Openly weeping tearing up at children’s movies. (Up, Wall-E, Toy Story 3, I’m looking at you.)

Getting me a wee present when you go on vacation, just because you wished I was there.

Knowing that women have a right to their bodies, and everyone has a right to get married.

Only judging me a little when I openly mock jeggings for months, and then maybe sort of buy a pair… (only for boots! I swear!)

Tipping the bartender… well.

Not having a ginormous stick up your ass. (This shouldn’t be as hard to find as it is.)

Surrounding yourself with quality people who are funny, welcoming, and also don’t have ginormous sticks up their asses.

Come to think of it, I may just change my Twitter bio to “I totally don’t have a stick up my ass, even if I did hypocritically buy a pair of jeggings.” Thoughts?

Mama said share.

Monday was, to put it mildly, not a good day.

It was a day of bleak, of gray, of complete and utter desolate-ness. It was a world where unicorns really don’t exist, where kittens never play patty-cake, where you do shoot your eye out with the BB gun.

In sum, I woke up that morning, after a glorious five day vacation, and was physically ill at the idea of going back to my sad, dreary little cubicle, where I spend 40 hours a week with very nice people… that I have nothing in common with, while doing nothing that I love.

Old news, I know. And nobody likes a whiner.

So- after I whined a bit- I finally reached down, deep inside myself, and found my get up and go shut up and keep plodding along.

Because yes, the job hunt is hard. It’s exhausting. It’s disappointing and demeaning and UTTERLY SPIRIT-CRUSHING, at times.

But. If I know anything to be true, it’s the fact that pouting in a corner isn’t going to change a damn thing. (Insert “nobody puts Baby in a” joke here.)

And while many of you have gone above and beyond in your kind words and encouragement regarding me and my talents and whatnot (seriously, bearhugs’nstuff), I think it’s about time I started, oh, what’s that corny phrase again? The one in Pixar movies and fairy tales and Rocky sequels?

Oh, right. “Believing in myself.”

(Is there a way to add glitter to that sentence?)

I just google-imaged "believe in yourself" and this was the only picture that didn't make me want to hurl.

So. It’s time for a little self-love, since I didn’t get any of this action when I went through TSA last week.

REASONS WHY I AM AWESOME
AND YOU SHOULD PROBABLY HIRE ME

(Or tell your boss to hire me.)

(You know, if you actually need someone in the Social Media/Digital Marketing department.)

(Or the “pet the kitties” department. I’d be good at that too.)

1. Since I was ten years old,  I’ve been training to be the brain-storming champion of the world. Ever hear of a little thing called Odyssey of the Mind? No? That’s okay, no one has. But know this: while you spent your childhood playing soccer and selling Girl Scout Cookies, I was off strengthening my creative muscles to be somebody’s idea (wo)man in a 2.0 world someday.

2. I can work unicorns into the conversation at ANY time to diffuse an awkward or uncomfortable situation.

3. I am beyond “plugged in” to the 20- and 30-somethings culture; in some circles, I might even be called a pillar of it. And I dare you to make a pop culture or internet meme joke I won’t get.

4. My degree may be in International Politics and Psychology, rather than Communications. But everything that I’m skilled at- social media, event planning, marketing, writing, networking- are all, in this day and digital age, hopelessly intertwined and (I believe) learned intuitively, by doing, and by possessing a natural inclination for them- more than any Communications degree could ever accomplish. (And hey, MTV doesn’t come knocking on just anyone’s door to be their first Twitter Jockey.)

5. I’m ready for a company and career that I can truly devote myself to, and when I give, I give BIG. Take my heart, now. Go on… take it!!!

6. I’m not just good with people; I can truly talk to anyone or anything. Seriously. Leave me alone with your wall for an hour and I’ll be a bridesmaid at its wedding. Oh, you didn’t know it was dating the couch? Don’t feel bad- we’re just close like that.

7. I’m actually really, really good at this social media/digital marketing shiz. And it’s not just my mom saying so, because she doesn’t understand most of it. So there.

8. And finally, because every office needs their very own Liz Lemon.

Come on, now. How you gonna turn THIS down?

So feel free to pass my LinkedIn profile along. Click that “share” button below and send this post here, there and everywhere. Add it to your email signature, perhaps, or include it on your holiday cards. I’ve always liked your family.

You’ve brought me so far, my beloved interwebs. Let us conquer this one last hill together, you and I. Someone grab my bootstraps and pull, y’all. I feel my nine hundredth wind coming on.

All I want for Christmas… is a SHINY NEW JOB.

(that I love.)

Mama said share.

I’ve led quite the charmed life, in truth.

Sure, there were a few miserable years in middle school. A (real, not teeny bopper) heart break or three. A grandfather passed- and though devastating, at 86, he’d led a full and honorable life, and was surrounded by an enormous family and friends who loved him dearly.

So. No, I’m not rich. In money, anyway… but as far as everything else? You know, the stuff that matters?

I’m making it rain, y’all.

While I absolutely do my fair share of bitching and moaning (I mean, sometimes, chained to this desk, there’s just nothing else to DO)- I’ve recently reached the opinion that I really need to just shut the hell up. Because between the fam, the man, the friends near and far, the city I love, you guys on the interwebs, the furbabies, and even the whole “living in America, land of the free” thing… I’m pretty much a fat cat, livin’ large and whatnot.

Basically me, if the dollah dollah bills were priceless treasures of LOVE and FRIENDSHIP and all that jazz.

Last week, some of my favorite people on the planet had their worlds rocked. In the Red Letter Day kind of way. I’m so hurt, so angry, so ACHING for them, and frankly, this shroud of helplessness? Isn’t really my color, either.

So for them, I count my blessings. For them, I stay strong, and try to make Liz laugh for the first time all day, and conspire to surprise Lexa with a gift from New York City, and to just be there for them, in that super corny but ohsoimportant sense.

Because life isn’t easy, and I know my time will come. I’m not naïve enough to think there won’t be incredible hardships in my future at some point.

I mean, they already canceled Arrested Development. COMMUNISTS. (Yes I know it’s like six years ago now but NO I am not over it and I’m not sure I ever will be. In GOB we trust.)

Ahem. But in the meantime, I will enjoy my ridiculously snugglicious cocoon of warm, supportive, hilarious people in my life, who for whatever reason seem to think I’m pretty neat.

In the words of Patrick Swayze (RIP)…

Ditto.

Mama said share.

Welcome to Part Dos of my BlogHer experience! (Numero Uno is here.)

I nursed my hangover by donning my keyboard cat shirt (play him off, Keyboard Cat!), which is scientifically proven to cure all ailments:

If there ever was a crowd to appreciate this shirt, it’s BlogHer. Trust. (Aren’t we all just crazy cat-lady bloggers on the inside, after all? I thought so.)

After some more Expo Hall swag-gathering, I met up with my darlings from Bloggers in Sin City: Katelin, LaceyBean, and Jessica B.for some good old-fashioned s’mores making.

No, seriously:

(photo via Diane Bondareff Photography)

Down the hall in the Serenity Suite, I finally got to meet the has-no-right-to-be-that-gorgeous-with-three-munchkins Kate from The Big Piece of Cake. (Never mind the fact that she lives, oh, two miles from me, and this is the first time we were able to meet.) Heart you, lady!

Then it was time to Swag Swap with Katelin, Lacey and Jess; AKA get rid of five pounds of stuff I didn’t need (read: couldn’t fit into my suitcase), and pick up a few choice items other people had decided to leave behind.

Imagine my Complete and Utter Joy when we discovered…

A FEATHER BOA AND CAPE, casually discarded like someone’s holey (not holy) granny panties!!! I instantly knew they were meant for me to give them a good home.

After we got all touristy with it, traipsing around Times Square (boa and cape included, of course), it was FINALLY time for…

The NYC 20sb Happy Hour!!!!!!!!!!!

I would love to list everyone who was there, but I would undoubtedly forget someone near and dear to my heart, so this will have to suffice:

(Click through to see those who RSVP'd)

(Shamelessly swiped from Katelin’s flickr stream)

Johnny Utah’s was a fantastic host to us 20sb-ers. I have no words for the amazing sauce of this evening… but I can show you it.

(Shamelessly swiped from Doni’s TweetPhoto stream)

(Shamelessly swiped from Katelin’s flickr stream)

Heart you, @missheidi !!!

Then we made our way back to the Sparklecorn and Cheezburger parties at BlogHer for epic dance parties and… well… other things that must be seen to be believed.

(Shamelessly swiped from Katelin’s flickr stream)

And because it’s just too good not to share:

So, yes… I had a Fucking Lot of Fun.

But more importantly, going to BlogHer and spending time amongst all these beautiful ladies (and the two Matts!) made me want to write again, which is something I haven’t really felt since all that MTV jazz began and I didn’t have time to think, breathe, eat or sleep for a month. It reminded me of all the great people I’ve met, people I’m proud to know and call friends, from all over the country, America’s hat, and beyond, who I desperately want to stay in touch with.

BlogHer, to me, wasn’t about the sponsors, or the lectures, or the swag. It was about meeting people, making new connections and reaffirming the old… the very reason I started this goddamn blog in the first place. I feel like through BISC and 20sb and BlogHer and PB AND TUNA ON OCTOBER 23rd!!!! and gchats and grabbing a drink when we’re in town, we’re really and truly friends. And that, that is a fantastic feeling.

P.S. Bull riding pics/video to come tomorrow…






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Mama said share.

…A Survival Guide to making it through a sudden and inexplicable loss, be it job, romantical (it’s a word), or your pet hampster Fred.

- Under no circumstances should you try to put on pants and/or leave the house for at least 48 hours.

- There must be at least one cat within unwilling cuddle range at all times. This is especially true if you do not have a significant other; in fact, if you do, you should probably send them away for a few days if you want to keep them. This will not be pretty.

- If you don’t have a cat, rent one. If you’re allergic, deal with it- the reaction will just hurry you along into the “ugly cry” phase.

- There should be absolutely no bathing, shaving, or other hygienic care of any sort.

- Cue up at least 14 really, really bad movies. These will serve as fodder for endless mocking, and to take your anger out on, as well as a few moments that warm your heart against your better judgment, reminding you that you are in fact still human, and keeping you from falling completely into an emotional abyss. Suggestions from my recent foray include:

• When in Rome
• Paul Blart: Mall Cop
• 17 Again
• Lindsay Lohan: The Road to Jail
• Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief – (Actually, I thought this was going to be terrible, and it was surprisingly awesome. You’re welcome.)
• Anything with Channing Tatum (C-TATES!!!) in it

- Drink heavily and eat crap, but make grandiose plans about getting into shape and all the healthy meals you’ll cook from scratch- tomorrow. Always say “tomorrow”, and do not look directly into the bloat.

- Swear colorfully and often. Get creative with it, a la Rocco in Boondock Saints.

And then, remember you have kickass friends, a great man and two adorable furry assholes cats, and at least you’re not the Half Ton Teen.






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Mama said share.

I can’t believe we’re almost there, but it’s true… on Thursday, MTV will announce their picks for 4 of the final 5 to go on to the final challenges in NYC! Then on Friday, the voting (have you done that yet?!? Get on it! And tell a friend!) … will determine the fifth contestant to move on. We’re so close!

My challenge today is to Interview a Celebrity, at 4:45 pm… I’ll find out two hours beforehand who it is, so follow me on Twitter to find out! And if you want to suggest a question YOU would ask someone famous, I’d be more than glad to hear it in the comments.

Also make sure you check out the interview I did with Patrick of We Love DC. It has ALL the info about the competition, with plenty of juice about yours truly.

Finally, a huge thanks to FamousDC for pimping me at the TOP of their blog all week! I’m feeling the District love, and I like it. I LIKE IT A LOT.

Thank you SO much for going through this with me, guys… we’re so close! New Yawk Citay baby- I can taste it!!!

Mama said share.

Well, friends, today’s FINALLY the day!

I’m gonna keep it short and sweet, because some things are just to important to joke about.

Not abortion or Engrish jokes, obviously. Those are free game.

No, I’m talking about the fact that a few weeks ago, MTV- yes, you read that right, MTV- they came to me.

Little old me.

And well, basically… they’ve offered me the chance of a lifetime.

As of today, June 21st, I am one of 20 contestants competing in “The Search for the First MTV TJ” – aka Twitter Jockey.

And so, in three little words…

I need you.

In a few more,

I need you to make my dream come true.

To check out the full details, my ridiculous intro video, my full profile- all that is here.

Meanwhile, in this place, all I can do is ask for your help to make my dream job a reality.

The job itself may not have existed yet when I was born, or even two months ago, for that matter… but I believe it was meant for me. And, frankly?

I would own it.

And so, selfishly, unabashedly, I am asking for your help. For you to help me spread the word, via Twitter, an email or a Facebook shout out to your friends (are WE friends?? Make sure!), blogging it, posting the badge below… and eventually, for your vote when the voting opens in a few weeks.

In return, I vow to fill all the vending machines with PBR, Big League Chew, and unicorn farts for everyone!

Or something.

HOW TO HELP A GIRL OUT:

Add this badge to your sidebar (275 px):

<a href="http://www.livitluvit.com/i-need-you" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/mtvtj-1.png" border="0" alt="LiLu for MTV TJ"></a>

Smaller version (175 px):

<a href="http://www.livitluvit.com/i-need-you" target="_blank"><img src="http://i556.photobucket.com/albums/ss5/Livitluvit/mtvtj-1-1.png" border="0" alt="LiLu for MTV TJ"></a>

Tweet your heart out for me, all day, every day! (Yes, yes I’m greedy):

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite contestant in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj

(Feel free to modify, the above suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

And then, my love ducks… then we pray. Until we can vote. And then we vote and pray again.

I know there might be a lot of newcomers today, so I’d like to officially welcome you to my humble corner of the interwebs with the musical stylings of my partner in crime Maxie and myself, in the key of Stephen Colbert:

You’re welcome.

If you have any questions, new reader or old, please comment or email me. I’d love to hear from you in any and all formats.

But mostly by you pimping me on Twitter.

What?

Update: Here’s my intro video I sent into MTV. Um, after watching the others, it’s a little… DIFFERENT. But you wouldn’t expect anything less from me, would you?

Mama said share.

~ So. Remember that time I promise you an amazing surprise later this week? Um, well…

I lied.

AGAIN. (I know.)

But I finally have a new date, chickens, and on MONDAY, JUNE 21st, you WILL be privy to my fantabulous news.

Pinky swear. And you know I can’t go back on that. ~

So, I have a bone to pick.

(Shocking, I know.)

Inventors of the world? You are seriously slacking.

Sure, technology is great and all. But you’ve kind of become a one-trick pony, haven’t you? It’s always just faster, better, smaller, 3G, 4G, 18G… I’m over it.

Those things aren’t TANGIBLE. I want something new to marvel at, something the world’s never seen the like of before.

I want a show-stopper.

I want the sandwich. I want the telephone. I want a blanket with sleeves. (Okay, that was this century. You guys get credit for that one.)

But overall, frankly, I’m unimpressed. Therefore, I’ve come up with a list of…

Things You Inventor-People Totally Should Have Invented By Now. (Get On That, and Stuff.)

1. A pill to make you short-term sick at work.

The perfect way to go home early! It would turn you green, makes your nose run like you just snorted cinnamon (or pepper, if you’re a tiger and that’s your thing), and, if necessary, induce vomiting, preferably on that coworker-you-hate’s desk.

And then, an hour later, after they’ve begged you to go home and rest… you’re back to 100%!!! …Just in time to get the best table for Happy Hour. WIN.

2. Midget stenographers, a la Chappelle.

For serious, I am so sick of trying to WRITE all my thoughts down, particularly when I’m drunk or in the middle of the night and then they’re completely illegible in the morning. Horse… playing… tetris? WTF?

It would be SO much better if I just had my own Chuy following me around that I could shout things at and they would be forever typing away with their cute little fingers

3. Hover boards.

FOR SERIOUS with this one, guys. Michael J. introduces them what, 25 years ago? in Back to the Future, Ali G tried to pitch it to the Donald, and zip. Nada.

I’m still walking to work like a goddamn Neanderthal, dodging idiot tourists and homicidal taxi cabs and Obama’s 87 car entourage.

Fix it!

WANT.

4. Teleportation.

Listen, Al Gore goes and invents the internet, you give us all these amazing ways to meet my most favoritest people from all over the world… and yet, no way to go have a freaking beer with them without spending money and time on traveling who knows where??? We need a device that will just BAM! ZING! KABLOOEY! And put all of us on our very own special Blogger Island, where we can sing karaoke and have drinks with wee umbrellas together for a few hours, before zapping back home to our respective corners of the universe.

Best. Idea. EVER.

I know.

5. A way to pee without getting up.

Oh wait… that’s a diaper.

Never mind. I’ll just invest in some of these:

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Mama said share.

No, literally. She sent me this. Like in an email.

Gotta say, while freaking hilarious, it doesn’t quite hold a candle to the hot mess that was Liza Minnelli’s rendition in SATC2 (aka the only five minutes I didn’t want to put my eyes through a sieve during that movie).

Happy weekend! And thanks to everyone who came out last night for the Happy Hour- so great to see you!

Maxie
Lexa
Brad
Katie
12minds
GraceElena & her darling man
Restaurant Refugee
JerzeyGrrl
DCPrincess &”the boy”
Jesserker
Elizabeth Clay
RachelSmiles & her entire office building
Jasmine
The Northerner
J. Money & delightful friend
Malnurtured Snay
AmandaKruse
Lusty Reader and her charming hubby
LA Cochran
Gilahi
Rachel (What a Grand World)
and pixie658 all the way from VA beach! Amazing to see you so soon after Vegas!

If I forgot anyone, hugs and kisses, my brain is not, how do you say, *functioning*, yet. Let me know and I’ll fix it on the fly, yo.

Thanks again for coming… bear hugs and big wet smooches!

~take it, leave it, love it, spank it~

Mama said share.