There are many different types of blogs in this world. Industry blogs, dating blogs, financial blogs, news blogs, pop culture blogs, mommy blogs… you name it, someone’s writing about it.

But what I consider this place to be, and the type of blog I relate to, are “lifestyle” blogs. People who talk about the interesting things that happen to them; momentous life events, hopes and dreams, funny stories, and the like. And if I had to wager a guess, the vast majority of posts from these blogs involve one little thing we can ALL relate to:

VENTING.

Delightfully exaggerated, unadulterated hatred for the minute, yet uncompromisingly annoying day-ins and day-outs of our lives. The endless atrocities that strangers, traffic, and small children commit against us each and every day. Dare I say, a lot of this very blog revolves around such things; in fact, if you click on my post category “hatred“, there are some 25 posts there alone. While I don’t think this is unusual, as writing is often a therapeutic outlet for frustration, I do sometimes worry that all you guys see of me is the haterade. It’s only natural- we as humans are much more likely to share a bad experience than a good one, because dammit, commiseration feels GOOD, yo. But I don’t want that to be the only side of me shown here.

Truly, I am a lover. I love LOTS of stuff. I love dive bars, wine, red meat, brunch, cats, rollercoasters, cheeseburgers, and- believe it or not- even a sizeable handful of people in this world.

(Sidebar: while we’re on this topic, are you one of those people who says you “love to laugh” in your social media bio? Because ZOMG YOU MUST BE THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO LIKES THAT! You are so original. I bet you also don’t like having the flu, and that you prefer Fridays to Mondays! Let’s bond over our mutual affinity for being happy rather than sad together!!)

Whoops… a little venting fell out. Moving on!

So, to mix it up, here’s some of the GOOD in my life – those little things that will make me love you, almost as quickly as standing on the left side of the escalator will make me shank you.

What?

Things That Will Make Me Instantly Adore You:

(thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!)

Making a “there’s always money in the banana stand…” reference.

Belting out a song in public, karaoke or impromptu. (Extra points as the song gets more embarrassing.)

Giving your seat on the bus to a lady, a munchkin, someone older, etc.

Being fully aware of, accepting, and openly discussing your flaws (not in a debbie-downer way; just a self aware, “I’m working on this” way).

Admitting when you’re wrong.

Giving me an honest opinion in the dressing room. I am depending on you to set me up for (booty) success, here.

Expressing a love for meat. (Extra points for meat wrapped in other meat.)

YES and also PLEASE.

Not being afraid to cancel our grandiose plans of sight-seeing or museums in favor of getting tipsy and people watching. (Also see: recognizing the inherent value in getting tipsy and people watching).

Showing up at my house with an awesomely bad movie and three bottles of wine… for the two of us.

Openly weeping tearing up at children’s movies. (Up, Wall-E, Toy Story 3, I’m looking at you.)

Getting me a wee present when you go on vacation, just because you wished I was there.

Knowing that women have a right to their bodies, and everyone has a right to get married.

Only judging me a little when I openly mock jeggings for months, and then maybe sort of buy a pair… (only for boots! I swear!)

Tipping the bartender… well.

Not having a ginormous stick up your ass. (This shouldn’t be as hard to find as it is.)

Surrounding yourself with quality people who are funny, welcoming, and also don’t have ginormous sticks up their asses.

Come to think of it, I may just change my Twitter bio to “I totally don’t have a stick up my ass, even if I did hypocritically buy a pair of jeggings.” Thoughts?

Mama said share.

If you’re local to DC (or my amigo on Foursquare), you probably know that Tonic of Mount Pleasant is my local watering hole and personal Cheers bar. You probably also heard about the tragic Mount Pleasant fire a couple weeks ago. Well, I went in for a drink last night and found out that three of the burn victims included one of Tonic’s own line cooks, his wife, and their four year old daughter.

The details are below, but the bottom line is this: if you can donate even $5 or $10, you’ll be helping them towards what is sure to be an impossibly difficult (and expensive) recovery. And, bonus- it would mean the world to me. If you’re short on moola and still want to help, feel free to forward this email, and/or share the following on Twitter/FB:

Help the family who lost everything in the Mt Pleasant fire- click the “Help Byron” tab to find out how: http://tonicrestaurant.com

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This can be seen on Tonic’s website with the donation link- just click the “Help Byron” tab on the bottom- the one that looks like this:

Donations for Byron and His Family:
 
On September 29th at 3:45am, an apartment building in the Mt. Pleasant neighborhood of Washington DC caught fire. One of our Tonic family’s longest tenured employees — Byron Paredes — lived in that building with his family. Byron and his wife suffered third degree burns over much of their body and will be spending at least two months in the hospital. Their four year old daughter was flown to a burn trauma center in Boston with third degree burns over her face and body. They lost everything in the fire.

Anything you can provide – even if it is just a dollar – can help pay medical bills and buy them clothes, toiletries, food, everything we take for granted on a daily basis. For direct donations, please click on the paypal link below or for additional information, or cash donations contact Elizabeth Lettic at 202-560-2858, or by sending mail to the following address:

Tonic at Quigley’s Pharmacy
2036 G st. NW
Washington DC
20052 

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Additionally, I will be attending this fundraiser at Tonic Mount Pleasant TONIGHT to support Byron and his family- please come if you’re in town!!

Friday Night Raffle & Fundraiser
Date: Friday, October 15, 2010
Time: 7:15 AM – 12:00 AM

Tonic Mount Pleasant will host a raffle to raise money for the family of one of our employees who suffered severe injuries as a result of the recent devastating fire in Mt Pleasant. Byron & his wife are currently in intensive care at Washington Hospital Center & their four year old daughter was flown to a burn center in Boston. Get here early to get a raffle ticket for the 7:15pm Raffle.

Thanks for your help in any way you can!!

Mama said share.

I’ve led quite the charmed life, in truth.

Sure, there were a few miserable years in middle school. A (real, not teeny bopper) heart break or three. A grandfather passed- and though devastating, at 86, he’d led a full and honorable life, and was surrounded by an enormous family and friends who loved him dearly.

So. No, I’m not rich. In money, anyway… but as far as everything else? You know, the stuff that matters?

I’m making it rain, y’all.

While I absolutely do my fair share of bitching and moaning (I mean, sometimes, chained to this desk, there’s just nothing else to DO)- I’ve recently reached the opinion that I really need to just shut the hell up. Because between the fam, the man, the friends near and far, the city I love, you guys on the interwebs, the furbabies, and even the whole “living in America, land of the free” thing… I’m pretty much a fat cat, livin’ large and whatnot.

Basically me, if the dollah dollah bills were priceless treasures of LOVE and FRIENDSHIP and all that jazz.

Last week, some of my favorite people on the planet had their worlds rocked. In the Red Letter Day kind of way. I’m so hurt, so angry, so ACHING for them, and frankly, this shroud of helplessness? Isn’t really my color, either.

So for them, I count my blessings. For them, I stay strong, and try to make Liz laugh for the first time all day, and conspire to surprise Lexa with a gift from New York City, and to just be there for them, in that super corny but ohsoimportant sense.

Because life isn’t easy, and I know my time will come. I’m not naïve enough to think there won’t be incredible hardships in my future at some point.

I mean, they already canceled Arrested Development. COMMUNISTS. (Yes I know it’s like six years ago now but NO I am not over it and I’m not sure I ever will be. In GOB we trust.)

Ahem. But in the meantime, I will enjoy my ridiculously snugglicious cocoon of warm, supportive, hilarious people in my life, who for whatever reason seem to think I’m pretty neat.

In the words of Patrick Swayze (RIP)…

Ditto.

Mama said share.

I can’t believe we’re almost there, but it’s true… on Thursday, MTV will announce their picks for 4 of the final 5 to go on to the final challenges in NYC! Then on Friday, the voting (have you done that yet?!? Get on it! And tell a friend!) … will determine the fifth contestant to move on. We’re so close!

My challenge today is to Interview a Celebrity, at 4:45 pm… I’ll find out two hours beforehand who it is, so follow me on Twitter to find out! And if you want to suggest a question YOU would ask someone famous, I’d be more than glad to hear it in the comments.

Also make sure you check out the interview I did with Patrick of We Love DC. It has ALL the info about the competition, with plenty of juice about yours truly.

Finally, a huge thanks to FamousDC for pimping me at the TOP of their blog all week! I’m feeling the District love, and I like it. I LIKE IT A LOT.

Thank you SO much for going through this with me, guys… we’re so close! New Yawk Citay baby- I can taste it!!!

Mama said share.

Hey all! It’s been far too long since I tipped back a beer with many of you, so in true LiLu form, I’m here to fix that.

On Wednesday (the 7th), Tonic in Columbia Heights (about 2 blocks from the metro; map here) is throwing a Cherry Blossom-themed Happy Hour to benefit Global Youth for Education and Change, a non-profit in South Africa that provides food, clothing and general care to children impacted by the HIV/AIDS pandemic. No cover charge and drink specials galore- what more could you want?

If you can come, RSVP here and let me know I’ll be seeing your pretty face! I know the bartender personally and she’s a doll among dolls.

That got weird.

But seriously, I hope you can make it. I’ll have my bells on. Or a boa. Or something equally ridiculous.

Now scroll down for your Friday happiness… 

Keep going…

TOLD YOU.

Happy weekend, lovebugs!

Mama said share.

So, I have a court date on Monday.

And no, shockingly, it is not for indecent exposure, or public intoxication, or getting thrown out of The Royal Palace (NSFW).

Point A: We didn’t get “thrown out”. We were just asked to kindly STOP DANCING up a storm… or leave. Guess our moves were too hot for the strippers.

Point B: Mom, the Royal Palace is a church. Or a library. Swear. Don’t click that.

No, my friends, rather, I have been called to serve my fair city in the way of:

JURY DUTY.

Bum bum bum. *triangle clang for emphasis*

And here’s the thing. Me being me and all, I totally want to go all Liz Lemon with this shiz. Partially to ensure I don’t have to go back the next day, but mostly because hot damn, wouldn’t it be fun to fuck with an entire room of people??

My goal is to make the judge blush at least once.

So, here are the options I’ve come up with so far…

1. Wear a helmet. Preferable of the My Little Pony or Hello Kitty stylings.

2. Bring Murray draped around my shoulders and tell them I have separation anxiety if they try to take him.

3. Turn every question into a “That’s What She Said” joke. And I do mean EVERY…

“Are you racist?”

“That’s what she said!!!!”

(So wrong. I know.)

4. Dress like a Daytona stripper who shoplifts from Fashion Bug.

5. Wear Green Man.

6. Pretend I’m a contestant trying out for American Idol whenever I’m on the stand. Go-tos will be Rick Astley, Pants on the Ground, and “Ambalamps.”

7. Speak only as a white girl doing an impression of Billy Cosby.

8. Pencil in a Frida unibrow, and repeatedly announce that the carpet AND the drapes match the ceiling, while wiggling said brow suggestively.

9. Act exactly like Bill Murray from “What About Bob?”

10. Lizz myself.

And so, dear bloggy cohorts, I need your votes / even better ideas to make it happen.

ARE YOU READY FOR ME, DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA??? I CAN’T HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mama said share.

I’m not a big fan of strangers.

It probably comes from the whole Masshole thing, but when someone I don’t know makes a move like they’re going to talk to me, I have a mini panic attack inside.

(It also may be because my father used to regularly present me with newspaper clippings of the latest little girl snatched into an unmarked van, never to be heard from again. Once someone pulled over to ask me directions, and I dove over a stone fence and took off through a cemetery.

It was in the center of our suburban town.

And I was 18.)

Ahem.

Anytwaddle, I’ve gotten better- I can now direct someone to the White House without screaming “Stranger Danger!!!!” and pissing myself- but that underlying fear and dislike of the unknown person remains.

(It’s a good thing I’m not single anymore.)

But every now and then, I am put into a situation where I must consort with a stranger… and sometimes, oh so rarely, it is fantastic.

Yesterday on my commute home, I was sitting next to another 20-something girl on the bus when a bedraggled Englishman hopped on, pulling a very damp and unhappy 7 year old boy behind him.

Of course, they sat right behind us.

The kid spent the next ten minutes whining at 7 year old volume about everything- he was unCOMFortable, the ride was so LONG, why COULDn’t he take his COAT off, stop SMILing at him like that!!!

His poor dad tried to placate the child- in his British accent, no less, which somehow made the whole spectacle all the more ridiculous- but he wasn’t having any of it. He berated his father until the moment they exited, and the bus heaved an audible sigh of relief.

I noticed the girl next to me giving me “the peripheral”- you all know what I mean- and somehow, I overcame my fear of the Stranger, and I looked.

We instantly broke into peals of laughter, swapping jokes about bratty children, and marveling at their skill at exponentially multiplying the syllables in a single word.

Two complete strangers, bonding in a moment of utter ridiculosity.

(It’s a word. Shuttup.)

An Unknown talked to me… and it made my bus ride home.

Moral of the story?

Clearly, I should mock others with complete strangers more often.

***Wait, you’re not done! Don’t forget to check out my round up on DC Blogs today!***

Mama said share.

First things first… thanks to Random.Org, the winner of the TFLN book is…

#34 – RachelSmiles!

“i want that book! if only so i can share one liners with people so that they think i’m funny ”

Well you’ve got it, my dear! I’ll put you in contact with the nice lady who will be sending it to you shortly.

There’s only one condition. You must come to the Happy Hour that Maxie, brad and I are hosting at the Vapiano’s in Dupont next Friday, February 5th.

Oh, you haven’t heard about it yet?

That’s because we’re announcing it NOW.

Come one, come all. I don’t want to hear any BS about how you “don’t know anyone” and you’re “intimidated.” Hitler wasn’t intimidated! Are you saying you’re no better than Hitler?? Come on now.

And finally, I leave you with a smile. Because I have to put something here to cover up that Hitler joke, mostly.

B and I have recently become enamored with the show Tosh.O. It’s like the Soup, but dirtier.

Don’t know it? I’m about to change that.

He is also responsible for this.

And this.

Tosh.0
Asians Doing Christopher Walken Impressions
www.comedycentral.com
Web Redemption 2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction Demi Moore Picture

You? Are WELCOME.

Happy Weekend, everyone. I’ll C U Next… FRIDAY!!!

***Please to steal the Happy Hour button and post it in your own blog to let everybody know!***






Yes, this is an ad. Mama is poor, yo:

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Mama said share.

…was, undoubtedly, the “Jersey Shore Drinking Game”.

Let me ‘splain.

Perhaps you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know about MTV’s newest reality television abomination. I’ll forgive you if you’ve been too busy watching Always Sunny, as they are on at the same time, but believe me when I say that you MUST find a way to watch this absolute trainwreck of bright orange, over-gelled…

Well, honestly, I can’t even describe it. Let me just show you…

Apologies for the ad at the beginning… but it’s worth it.

Okay. So, all of us fabulous people are hanging out at the Holiday Happy Hour last Friday (unbelievably fabulous time, FYI- thanks so much to everyone for coming out!!!), when suddenly, the two magic words that can bring any group of people together instantaneously are mentioned…

JERSEY. SHORE.

Within seconds, we’re swapping our favorite most vomit-inducing moments, arguing over who’s the worst person in the house, and ribbing on brad for even BEING from Jersey. The shame.

And then, it happened. The magical words fell from Patrick’s mouth, one by one…

“We should create a Jersey Shore drinking game!”

Lightbulbs LIT-RALLY appeared over each one of our heads, and the insanity commenced as we all started yelling over one another. Out of the plethora of ideas, we eventually settled on this very thoughtful and decidedly offensive-but-still-less-offensive-than-the-show-itself list.

I give you…

The “Jersey Shore” Drinking Game

While watching the show, you must DRINK when…

1.  Any time one of them says OR does a “fist pump”

2.  Any time a girl proclaims her pride for being a true “guidette”

3.  Whenever Mike refers to himself as “The Situation”

4.  Any time a guy slathers 25% of a bottle of gel on his head

5.  Whenever the utter importance of “PROTEIN” is mentioned, or a protein shake is consumed

6.  Any time someone brags about their spray tan, goes spray tanning, or just looks so orange that you are forced to look away from the television

7.  Anytime Sammi talks about how sweet she is, or refers to herself as “Sammi Sweetheart”

8.  Whenever someone refers to cheating on a significant other back home

9.  Any time someone in the house accidentally calls Snookie “Snickers”

10. Any time Ronnie uses the phrase “pound out” in reference to a woman

11. Any time Mike expresses insane jealousy over the fact that Ronnie is pounding out Sammi instead of him

12. Any time someone gets in the jacuzzi naked

Oh, man… I cannot WAIT for Thursday.

Update: Oh. Em. GEE.

I just found this, and HAD to add it…

You are WELCOME.

Mama said share.

Hopefully raising a glass with me. Just sayin.

I shall be wearing an adorable purple dress, and this:

See you then!

Mama said share.