Ever since Maxie showed me this, I have been unable to stop watching it.

(If I turn up dead? B killed me, and this video is why.)

*giggles uncontrollably*

No? Just me?

Sigh. It’s hard being weird sometimes.

Mama said share.

Or at least of things that make me laugh. Please to enjoy… all the videos that Maxie and I decided were hilarious last week.

You’ve probably seen these before, but they never cease to make me giggle…

For the Always Sunny lovers out there… (did you know there’s a special CHRISTMAS video out?!?)

This gem is from my dear friend FattyLumpa, who knew I would appreciate it, as I am well versed in the Stankiness of Leggs myself…

And last but not least, Maxie and I have decided this shall be our next music video…

ROCK.

Miss you guys!

Mama said share.

That’s right, folks, housekeeping! Because I have a buncha random tidbits for you, and frankly, it’s been a helluva week.

Despite work handing my ass to me every day on a silver platter, the past few days have been really freaking cool. I was invited a premiere of Teddy Folkman’s (chef and owner of the INCREDIBLE Granville Moore’s) new menu premiere at Capitol Lounge, so B and I are guaranteed to have an amazing meal tomorrow evening. (P.S., I made the reservation for four and our other couple can’t make it… anybody hungry?) I also received a bunch of requests to participate in stuff for free shit. You guys all know how I feel about free stuff, right? I AM A FAN. Just FYI. Send it this way, folks. I’ll give it a good home.

And then, I was informed me last night that This. Just. HAPPENED:

Yes, my darlings, you are correct in what you see… that is MY FACE stuffing itself with hangover cheeseburger on the home page of 20 Something Bloggers! So many of you went to bat for me in their Nominations thread, I just can’t thank you enough… especially my darling Muppet Soul, who first put my name up there. THANKS, y’all! That seriously made my week. Month, I suppose, since that’s how long my ridiculous picture will be up there.

Because I am greedy and nothing is ever enough, I just found out via the lovely Stephanie that I’ve also been nominated for Funniest Blogger over here. So if you FEEL like it, you could click on the button below and vote for my lil’ ole self. I’m up against the bigwigs like Dooce and my heart of hearts Jenny, of course, but hey, never hurts to try. (You don’t have to log in or anything to vote. Just sayin.)

This concludes this Friday’s session of self-pimpage. I promise.

(Wait, real quick I just want to say thankyousomuch for all the input on Wednesday’s post about our blog gripes! I was a little terrified when I hit “Publish” on that one, but it’d been stewing inside for a while… and clearly you all feel the same way. So THANKS for that, truly.)

Okay. NOW I’m done.

Let’s move on to “Awesome Things People Basically, My Friend Court Sent Me This Week.”

1. One of my guilty pleasures is the Sky Mall magazine. With things like Hula chairs, nose bleed stoppers, and signed “Soup Nazi” photos, what better entertainment could you ask for? Well, now they bring us this…

Yes, that’s right people… your very own handy-dandy Wine Glass Neck Holder! Never again will turbulence steal a drop of your $5 Sutter Home merlot! Be hands-free at your dinner party for hand-shaking WHILE you eat all the shrimp cocktail! (Kristina, I know you’ll especially love this.)

2. Twin blue-eyed panther cubs born in Berlin! I have no words… just LOOK:

Read the whole story about these adorable little abominations here.

3. Bret Michaels taking a piece of the stage to the head at the Tony Awards.

Look, I actually love me some Bret… his show has brought me ENDLESS hours of entertainment and a whole lot of feeling-better-about-myself-because-DAMN-look-at-those-not-so-hot-messes! But this is HILARIOUS. Thanks, Fearless! My life is better for having seen that.

4. Okay, I don’t know what’s going on over in Germany, but apparently their zoos ROCK, because they have a gay penguin couple raising a chick together! No, really… this is not a joke.

AWESOME SAUCE.

5. And finally… Forget week, forget month… this? Made MY LIFE. It’s true. Maxie heard me “squeeeee!” when she told me about it.

Zack Morris on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. No, not Mark-Paul Gosselar…

ZACK. FREAKING. MORRIS. My very first TV crush, cinderblock cell phone and all.

TIME IN!

One last housekeeping… if you’re not doing anything tonight and you want to meet a group of us for Happy Hour, leave your email in the comments and I’ll shoot you the deets. Mama needs a beer YESTERDAY, y’all.

Happy weekend, lovebugs… and thank you for everything!

Mama said share.

(Click here for all the past Fuglies.)

Attention, folks. This is not an SNL video.

It’s not even from All That.

This music video is, apparently, dead serious. And honestly? I don’t think I’ve seen anything so horrific/hilarious since “Who Let the Dogs Out”.

I am literally on the ground. I just don’t know if it’s from laughing… or crying.

This just in! B has promised to get drunk and let me video tape him doing the Stanky Leg. All you have to do is say the word…

Mama said share.

What B doesn’t know is that I would totally keep one of these if I could get my hands on him.

I give you: Ugly Bat Boy, the world’s ugliest cat, from Exeter, NH. There’s no sound, but it’s completely unnecessary anyway…

*Shiver* So very, very creepy. There’s a much better video of Ugly here, and the full article is here. Apparently, he’s completely normal. This is an actual breed of cat. (Thanks so everyone who sent me this particularly fugly nugget!)

B, don’t be surprised if I come home with one in a couple weeks… can’t tell me you’re allergic to THAT guy!

Happy 70 degree Saturday, everyone. Love it!

Mama said share.

Just a lazy little Saturday…

(Um, kinda NSFW/Family? But really, really funny.)

You’re welcome.

Mama said share.

Honestly, nothing this week could have been better than the outpouring of love and support I received from you guys over Wednesday’s post (email or tweet for password). It was genuine, and humbling, and amazing, and again, THANK YOU.

So in return, I’d like to share some of the other things that made living a little extra worthwhile this week. Because I heart you like that.

Now I promise this is not just a lazy Friday. I have been treasuring these nuggets all week, eagerly waiting to drop them on you. Which may or may not say something about my mental stability. Whatever. Reap the benefits, my friends, cause these are GOLD.

Last week I was trolluping around (it’s a phrase, ask your mom) the interwebs, when I came across Katie’s blog, Can I Just Say… and I was FACE BLASTED with this awesomeness:

TAKE ME BACK, JOEY. Take me back to a time of Whoas and high tops and white kids spray painting neon on buildings! Le sigh.

Next up… I found the link for this on Crissy’s blog a few days ago, and I’ve never been so glad I clicked. You all know of my love for ridiculous and fugly creatures. This is one very, very special animal… I am not exaggerating when I say that tears were literally streaming down my cheeks the first time I watched it.

I give you: Snowball, the dancing cockatoo.

He just wants to DANCE!!! There are 724,986 views on that video. I think 724,980 are probably mine.

And finally, I found this gem on holytaco.com… and wasted no time in sending it to three of my favorite soon-to-be-mommy bloggers, Lisa, Dolce, and Crissy. You know, to make them feel better about not being NEARLY this lame.

Are you blind yet? I think that was also your Weekend Dose of the Fugly, all rolled into one. Now let’s get back to talking about anal! (God, it’s never normal around here, is it?)

Don’t ever say I never did anything for you, kiddos. Happy Weekend!

Mama said share.

I love my parents. I do. They are two of the greatest human beings alive; they love me and put up with me even though sometimes I am a uber crappy daughter. In fact, one of my biggest ambitions is to become my mother one day. They are kind and caring and generous and thoughtful and go above and beyond in every way to make sure lil sister and I are taken care of, while at the same time instilling us with a sense of responsibility and preparing us for the Big World Out There, blah blah blah. Basically, they done good.

But.

There is just one, (teensy weensy,) ever-so-twee little thing about them that drives Sis and I just a little bonkers. You see, my mama took it a little hard when her baby girls done grew up and flew the coop. Empty Nest Syndrome like WHOA. And so, even though we’ve always been a family of Cat People (or low-maitenance people, either way), that wasn’t going to be good enough this time around… she wanted something more than a regal, snooty creature who deigned to let you scratch its fuzzy butt and scoop its poop. She wanted an animal that would worship her and cling to her and NEED her and fill the gaping hole in her Broken Mommy Heart. She wanted a dog.

My father was, at first, vehemently opposed, but let’s face it, I inherited my “strong will” (read: intense desire to always get my way) from somewhere, and she eventually wore him down. He insisted on something small, (presumably so he could ignore it), and my mother insisted on something cute. They found this.

They were, understandably, smitten from the get go. He was the runt of the litter, which meant that this pipsqueak of a “dog” would never grow to more than 3 pounds. See?

And, um, they named him Stewart. As in Stewart Little. (I’ll pause for a second to let you gag. No, really, it’s okay. Get it all out.) Moving on, then.

So, yes, they were madly, disgustingly, pathetically in love with little “Stoo-wie”. This is the soundtrack of my mother around him: Awwww whatsa schnooky booky cutsey wutsey wanna LOVE that face! A booley booley booley boo. A booley booley booley boo! You WUV your mommy DON’T you!!!

And there are, of course, outfits:

I only wish I could find the one of him wearing reindeer antlers and a Santa hat. Cause it happened.

The worst part is, although my father was actually against getting any more critters, especially a dog… he’s actually ten times worse than my mother now. I call him on my walk to work every day, and the first 15 minutes are spent listening to my 51 year old father talk in a baby voice about how “Stoo-wart needs a baff” and “Stoo-wart’s scaw-red cause Mommy’s weaving for work and he doesn’t WIKE it” and “Stoo-wart doesn’t like the snow because it’s too small for his widdle wegs!”. I am not making this up, people. It is truly vomitous. Here’s what he gchatted me when I told him I could still walk to my new job:

Dad: can you still walk to work?

LiLu: yup, it’s a half hour

Dad: Stewart says ‘way to go! pip-pip-purray!!’

There are no words.

When my father took a new job last year, he actually finagled a way that he could work at home three days a week because “Stoo-wart couldn’t be home a-wone for that wong!” No, of course not. Not with that little pea-sized bladder.

When B came to MEET THE PARENTS!!! for the first time last summer, he was understandably nervous about meeting my father. As an boy is wont to be, I suppose, when the elephant is the room is the fact that you’re banging his baby girl. “Don’t worry,” I told him. “They’ll have the puppy with them.” Which meant that my dad would be a pile of mush, and much too distracted to wonder what anyone’s INTENTIONS WITH HIS DAUGHTER WERE.

Sigh. I guess I can’t be too annoyed… not with this wee face, after all.

But the next time my dad starts up with the baby talk? I’m sending him a new pair of cajones in the mail.

Mama said share.

So I found this cute little “What Color is Your Rainbow?” thing over at If Music Be, Then I Am. And LizSara’s was really pretty, so I thought it’d be fun to find out what mine looked like…

But when I did, it kind of looked like poop. The sickly kind.

Oh well. Perhaps it’s more appropriate than I thought…

Click here to find out what your rainbow looks like. Happy Saturday!

Mama said share.

Thanks to Kate of Punch It In! for sending me this adoramable video. Apparently, it’s a Durex commercial that was too racy to make it to the states.

Whatever, they’ve got nothing on the terrorist organization PETA. There’s not even any broccoli in it!

Maybe it was a Durex I slipped on last week. Apparently they can handle the abuse…

Happy Superbowl Sundays, chillens. See you tomorrow… and Spoiler Alert: Things are going to be a little different around here. I very excite…

Mama said share.