Beliefs I hold, for better or for worse:

That a great pair of boots can turn around an entire week.

That zombies are the new vampires.* (Disclaimer: NOT in the sexy way. Purely in the “new black” way.)

That the excuse of “temporary insanity” is not valid as a legal defense.

That just because you can physically get it on your body doesn’t mean you should wear it.

That both celebrating and drowning sorrows should be done in the same way: with lots of booze and good friends.

That it’s a tragedy we lost men in hats, and I hope against hope that we never lose men in ties.

The hat: BRING IT BACK.

That an action can only truly be expected to have a great reward if you’re more than a little bit terrified of doing it.

That I inevitably take on way too much, but it appears as though I’m happiest that way.

That the flu shot is malarkey.

That sometimes I just want to say things like “malarkey”.

That there is incredible power in a new beginning.

*Walking Dead?? UMMMMM AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

P.S.Speaking of new beginnings, you may notice- if you click through- that I’ve been cleaning up the old web design a bit. The only thing I’m stuck on is the header. That picture IS me, it IS this blog- I don’t want to lose it, but I also don’t know how to incorporate it into something new. Any and all ideas, suggestions, criticisms and general solicited advice-givings are welcome.

Mama said share.

(Sad that there’s no smaller size, but you can also view it here)

Also, are you going to be in Boston tomorrow? Yes? SWEET. Then I will see you here for too many margaritas!

Mama said share.

Today, the 2010 Emmy nominations were announced.  This year was better than most, with “Friday Night Lights” at least being recognized for its outstanding cast (I am convinced that Tami and Eric Taylor are an actual married couple coaching football in Texas.  They are that good.)

The world's most perfect couple. Take note.

Some general thoughts:

While “Lost” may have been a life changing experience for you, I just haven’t gotten into it (yet).  At some lonely point in my life I’m sure I’ll devote a month to watching the entire series and then self-flagellate for ever daring to speak ill of “The Gospel According to J.J.”  Sorry, y’all. This is one hatch I’m just not going down.

Saturday Night Live should never receive an award for anything.  However, Betty White was nominated for her appearance on the show – I’ll allow it.

Likewise, “Two and A Half Men” should be immediately canceled and Charlie Sheen should be locked up so he can’t do any more damage. Oh, wait- isn’t that happening? Furthermore, I have a visceral dislike for anything on CBS.  However, I do enjoy their “CSI: Ghost Whisper – LA.”

While I wasn’t initially in love with “Treme” (I know it is unfair to compare it to the Wire, but it was somewhat underwhelming) some of the acting in the show was undeniably amazing. Bunk, I love you, man.

Also, if I saw the “Best Actor in a Comedy” noms five years ago they may have made sense.  Today, not so much.  I get it, Tony Shalhoub, Larry David and this Jim Parsons character are neurotic- it’s gotten old.  And let’s face facts, The Office is no longer funny (with the exception of Andy Bernard, and that’s partially because I hear the Tiger Song in my head every time he’s on screen).

I’ve never seen “The Good Wife.”  I don’t plan to.

Sidebar: Alec Baldwin, you are a golden god.

DRAMA SERIES

“Breaking Bad” (AMC)
“Dexter” (Showtime)
“The Good Wife” (CBS) – Friday Night Lights (FX)
“Lost” (ABC)
“Mad Men” (AMC)
“True Blood” (HBO)

COMEDY SERIES
“Curb Your Enthusiasm” (HBO) – Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX)
“Glee” (Fox)
“Modern Family” (ABC)
“Nurse Jackie” (Showtime) – Party Down (Starz)
“The Office” (NBC) – Parks & Recreation (NBC)
“30 Rock” (NBC)

ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Jim Parsons – “Big Bang Theory” — Charlie Day (Charlie)“Always Sunny in Philadelphia)
Larry David – “Curb Your Enthusiasm” — Adam Scott (Henry)“Party Down”
Matthew Morrison – “Glee” – Danny McBride (Kenny ‘Fuckin’ Powers) “Eastbound & Down”
Tony Shalhoub – “Monk” — Joel McHale (Jeff Winger) “Community”
Steve Carell – “The Office” — David Dukovny (Hank Moody) “Californication”
Alec Baldwin – “30 Rock”

ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Bryan Cranston – “Breaking Bad”
Michael C. Hall – “Dexter”
Kyle Chandler – “Friday Night Lights”
Hugh Laurie – “House” — Ron Pearlman “Sons of Anarchy”
Matthew Fox – “Lost” — Clarke Peters (Albert Lambreaux) “Treme”
Jon Hamm – “Mad Men”

(This one’s a tie. Kyle has my head but Jon has my loins, I mean heart.)

ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Lea Michele – “Glee”
Julia Louis-Dreyfus – “Old Christine” – Insert anyone but her. The glory days, they are behind you.
Edie Falco – “Nurse Jackie”
Amy Poehler – “Parks And Recreation”
Tina Fey – “30 Rock”
Toni Collette – “United States Of Tara”

ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Kyra Sedgwick – “The Closer” – Katey Sagal (Gemma Teller) “Sons of Anarchy”
Glenn Close – “Damages”
Connie Britton – “Friday Night Lights”
Julianna Margulies – “The Good Wife” – Melissa Leo (Toni Bernette)“Treme”
Mariska Hargitay – “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” – Khandi Alexander “Treme”
January Jones – “Mad Men” –  Elizabeth Moss (Peggy) “Mad Men”

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Chris Colfer – “Glee”
Neil Patrick Harris – “How I Met Your Mother”
Jesse Tyler Ferguson – “Modern Family”
Eric Stonestreet – “Modern Family”
Ty Burrell – “Modern Family”

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Aaron Paul – “Breaking Bad”
Martin Short – “Damages” – Alexander Skarsgard “True Blood” (Oh god YES)
Terry O’Quinn – “Lost” – Walton Goggins (Boyd) “Justified”
Michael Emerson – “Lost” – John Noble (Walter) “Fringe”
John Slattery – “Mad Men”
Andre Braugher – “Men Of A Certain Age” — Zach Gilford (Matt Saracen) “Friday Night Lights”

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Jane Lynch – “Glee”
Julie Bowen – “Modern Family”
Sofia Vergara – “Modern Family”
Kristen Wiig – “Saturday Night Live” – SNL must never win an award.
Jane Krakowski – “30 Rock”
Holland Taylor – “Two And A Half Men” – (Charlie Sheen and that stupid fat kid embody everything that is wrong with America)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Sharon Gless – “Burn Notice”
Rose Byrne – “Damages” – Kim Dickens (Jeanette Desautel) “Treme”
Archie Panjabi – “The Good Wife”
Christine Baranski – “The Good Wife”
Christina Hendricks – “Mad Men”
Elisabeth Moss – “Mad Men”

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SERIES

“The Colbert Report” (Comedy Central)
“The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central)
“Real Time With Bill Maher” (HBO)
“Saturday Night Live” (NBC) – Anything but SNL
“The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – just to stick it to Leno, that dick.






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Mama said share.

Hey! Have you tweeted today yet? (If you don’t know what this is about, please to clicky here!)

Follow @LivitLuvit, my favorite contestant in the @MTVTJ search for MTV’s first Twitter Jockey! #zyncmtvtj

(Feel free to modify, the above suggestion is just for your copy & paste convenience. Cause I’m good like that.)

And now back to our regular programming…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Growing up, I spent my high school years working in a TGI Friday’s in Suburbia, Massachusetts.

I am a complete an utter cornball, but… they were some of the best years of my life.

The friends I made while working there are the ones I see when I go back home. They’re the ones I call when life falls to pieces around me, or when something so amazing happens I have to share it with the world (cough cough MTV cough). Being older than I, they taught me about the facts of life in ALL capacities, and more importantly, snuck me into bars underage watched over me like big brothers and sisters.

There is quite literally NOTHING like working in a restaurant. The, ahem, environment there is unlike any place on earth. You know that movie “Waiting“? … Let’s just say it’s like that, times a thousand.

(And if you haven’t seen it, please people, take this very, very important message away…

Don’t fuck with the people who handle your food!!!!!!!!!!)

Anyhoo.

You BOND with these people in a way you never knew was possible. I imagine it’s kind of like going to war. A very pussified war, to be sure, but you know what I mean… you’re in it together, no matter what the jagoffs (be it customer, manager or cook) throw your way.

And how do you get through it, day after day? JOKES. Jokes, my friend… with a healthy dose of (friendly) sexual harrassment.

One of our running themes was the theory of The Three Types of Dude. It goes like this…

The overall personality of a guy falls into one of three categories:

1. Panache: a grand or strikingly bold manner; showy; conspicuously dashing.
2. Mojo: charisma; sex appeal; personal magnetism.
3. Je ne sais quoi: having that certain “I don’t know what”… but damn if it ain’t good.

Now, a guy can certainly overlap a bit. He can be “mostly mojo, with just a hint of panache,” or “je ne sais quoi, with a streak of mojo.” But in general, nearly every (sexy) man on the planet can be clearly identified as predominantly having one of the three characteristics.

Let me show you it.

Josh Holloway

Mojo. Pure, unadulterated mojo. I think this is true of most hot Southern boys…

Ryan Reynolds

Super panache. Panache coming out his pores. Panache for DAYS.

Will Smith

An unlikely half and half mix of panache and mojo.
Oh, how our Fresh Prince has grown!

Don Dra- I mean, John Hamm

A purebred of je ne sais quoi. He needs nothing else to get the job done.
(The job being our panties = creamed.)

Alexander Skarsgard

Mojo, mojo, and more mojo. Pure goddamn MOJO… with a sneaky hint of panache when he wants to throw it in there.
(Tyra must have taught him how to smile with his eyes.)

Taye Diggs

Mojo with a side dish of je ne sais quoi.
How can you be that sexy AND that sweet??

Brad Pitt

Panache… with a very healthy dose of mojo. Wink for us, baby.

The Cloon

Oh, George. You are truly the ultimate in je ne sais quoi, but truth be told…
you have it all.

Sigh. Well, I just made MY Thursday better, anyway.

Who am I missing, and what would they be?

Also, gentleman: I challenge you to come up with a similar system for the ladies. Would it just be “cute, sexy, pretty”? You can do better than that…

Update! My friend Emil has risen to the challenge… what do you think, ladies?? Did he get us?

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Mama said share.

Yesterday, it just so happened that I doled out a lot of dating advice. This is kind of ridiculous, as I haven’t been on a date in almost two years, but hey, I had my fair shake before that.

But this wasn’t what concerned me on my dreary bus ride home after work; Lord knows I adore giving out (solicited) advice by the handful. But it occurred to me, as I tried not to get motion sickness while the 43 wound its way through rush hour traffic… that I will, in all likelihood, never go on another date again. And that thought made me warm and fuzzy inside, like a dose of riot eggnog in a can.

(Sidebar – ohmygaw LOOK Always Sunny Fans!!!!!!)

And then, the crazy, estrogen-floweth–over woman in me took over, and I thought, But what if.

What if one of us dies from the plu?

What if he leaves me for someone who doesn’t blog about our bowel movements, or getting peed on by our cats?

What if Maxie and I finally become famous reality TV stars, and the fame totally goes to my head and I accidentally bone John Hamm (just a little bit!) at Diddy’s “White Party”, and B can never forgive me?*

These are the important questions, folks.

Meanwhile, on the side of my insane inner monologue, I was simultaneously gchatting with a friend to get through the gray and ohsomoist ride home. My ballet flats were soaked through and my cold little tootsies dreamed of a warm fire and a serious comfort meal. Anyhoodles, this happened:

5:45 PM me: it is unbelievable out here

i just want to go home and cry

that’s how gross it is

5:48 PM Lexa: noo

that makes me sad

in the nethers

me: yes

i hope B made grilled cheese and tomato soup

because that is ALL I WANT

Finally home, I picked up a package at my building’s office- a surprise present for B- and trudged upstairs to find a nice bottle of red and shiny bigass wine glass sitting on the foyer table waiting for me.

“Awwww, honey! You are the best in the world!” I called, and made my way into the kitchen. “Here, I got you a little something…”

Without even looking at the package, he beamed at me and said, “Always Sunny Christmas movie?!”

“Uh, YES, actually,” I replied. Then I looked down at the frying pan, where he was cultivating what looked like the most delicious sandwich in the world.

“Um, baby?” As I took in the panini, the soup humming in the microwave, I looked at him in awe. “Are you… are you making grilled cheese?”

“And tomato soup,” he replied. Wait for it… “AND French fries!”

I died. I went to heaven.

And I knew, as I have a thousand times before, that this?

Is absolutely PERFECT, and I am one lucky sumbitch.

*Besides, John Hamm is totally on my “LIST”, so B couldn’t break up with me for that anyway. Boo yah!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Awesome Announcement #1: You may have seen my tweets that I am honored to be DC Blogs‘ newest contributing editor. My first efforts are posted today- please head over there and let me know what you think.

Awesome Announcement #2: 20SB is now accepting nominations for this year’s 2010 Bootlegger Awards! Totally and completely badass. Make sure to nominate your faves…

Awesome Announcement #3: Since none of us will be looking at a computer on Thursday, other than the boys checking their Fantasy scores, I will be posting the fifth installment of TMI Thursday “Post Secret Style” tomorrow instead, and leave it up all weekend. Remember you can absolutely send more in, any time (to heylivitluvit at gmail dot com)! Every last one will be posted. This is too much fun- let’s keep it going!

Mama said share.