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YOU LIKE SMILING. LAUGHING MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY INSIDE. WHAT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE YOU ARE.

(If a similar statement currently resides in any of your social media bios, feel free to change it now, and we shall never speak of this again.)

Oh right, my point! How about I go on and make it already.

Because I enjoy mirth and merriment and belly laughs galore, I am a big fan of this gentleman:

“Oh, that guy,” I can hear you say. “Wasn’t he in that thing I saw?”

The answer is yes, friend. Because Michael Ian Black has had a hand in creating more funny things than Maru the Cat internet sensation.

He’s one of those cameo stars who pops into a movie and makes those two minutes shine, a king of sketch comedy (the good stuff – not SNL, obvy), and OWNS Vh1′s “I Love the…” series, which my life would be dark and bleak without. Check out his bio here.

More importantly, he makes people laugh, professionally. And he’ll be doing it here in DC on December 1st at Sixth & I Historic Synagogue, when he performs his new tour, “Black is White”.

Knowing that I am a sucker for all things stand up, they contacted me and asked if I’d like to give away a couple tickets. To which I replied, “Only if the winner takes ME with them.”

(Kidding, probably.)

Anyhoo, if you’ll be in the area then and you LOVE TO LAUGH, simply leave a comment to enter. Tweet this post (suggest text below) for a second entry:

Win tickets to see @michaelianblack in #DC on 12/1: http://bit.ly/qMKKTE #DCevents via @rachaelgk

Winner chosen randomly (and announced here) on Monday, August 8th!

Update: Congratulations to Lindsey, you’re the winner according to Random.org! Thanks everyone for playing.

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This post is sponsored by Cipo and Baxx Clubwear.

Last night, I had the pleasure of meeting a plethora of lovely DC ladies IRL for the first time. I immediately fell in love with Noe, as we chattered about our adorable awkwardness as human beings, the nerdalicious books we’re reading, and pondered why people are by and large unable to accept compliments from strangers.

(Preach.)

There were a two lovely girls behind us, enjoying each other’s company at the bar as they split a cheese plate (yes, I noticed because it was CHEESE. What’s your point?)

Suddenly, a deep voice boomed behind me, clearly directed at one of the girls:

“Excuse me, miss, but are you from Tennessee?”

Startled, I heard her hesitate.

“Um, no…”

“Well that’s funny… because you’re the only TEN I see!!”

Noe and I immediately doubled over with secret guffaws, shoulders shaking, clutching each other’s hands in a desperate attempt to control the peals of laughter.

It was a magical moment. I mean, this really HAPPENS? Even with my back to him, I could tell this guy completely deadpanned this. He wasn’t making a joke, or trying to be kitschy – he was 100%, in for a penny in for a pound, go big or go home, completely and totally serious.

Men of the world, please, please don’t do this. Cheesy pick-up lines – even if you ARE making a joke – are just not funny. You know what you should try? One of my all time favorites:

“Hi. I’m ____.”

Oy.

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Visit Scrubs Gallery for great prices on scrubs.

Vodka… lemonade. Amiright??

[source]

You know I am. So, how do we make it happen?

Well, first you have someone email you and say, “Hey blogger, we were wondering if you’d like to review one of our products…”

And you be all, “Thanks, I’m not really into reviewing stuff right now, I’m very busy and important.”

So then they say, “Oh, okay, I’ll just send this FREE BOTTLE OF CHERRY VODKA to someone else then!”

And then YOU go “ZOMG, please excuse my evil twin sister who just said that, because YES and also PLEASE.”

Then a week later this bad boy shows up on your doorstep:

And you’re all, “Heyooooo party in a glass FTW!!”

So, I let my dormant inner bartender takeover. As it’s been 928 degrees here in DC all week (give or take), I couldn’t think of anything more refreshing than some cherry (vodka) lemonade. And because I am a giver, and also because the people who sent me this lovely vodka would like me to, I’m going to share it with you.

Probably The Most Refreshing Drink Ever Recipe

Fill pint glass with ice. Add:

• 2.5 oz of Pucker Cherry Vodka
• 1 squeezed fresh lime
• 1 squeezed lemon wedge
• 2 strawberries cut into fourths or so
• 5 oz lemonade (pink or yellow – I like yellow so the sour contrasts with the sweet)

Shake well, then pour directly into face. (Also be 21. I feel like I should probably throw that in here somewhere.)

I didn’t have any on hand, but I think a couple sprigs of mint in this would be phenomenal too.

Got any other ideas for this delicious stuff? I still have half a bottle… (best one gets to drink it with me)!

P.S. I set up a fancy new profesh site over at rachaelgking.com. Would love your two cents on the design, content, all that jazz, as I’m still tweaking to make it perfect! If you’re interested in social media opines and general digital marketing info, feel free to subscribe too.

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So busy. So, so, SO busy.

But it’s all good. Truly, it is. Things are basically amazing, which is great, but it means any spare minutes I have, I’ve been using to:

Recuperate from work and travel…

I was here for *EIGHT* days and never set a toe in the water or the sand. SADS.

Brunch and drink wine with the girls on Cara’s new rooftop:

Be ignored by my too-cool-for-school cats…

And as you can tell, becoming newly obsessed with Instagram, the app that can make any horrible photographer (me) take seemingly artsy/edgy pictures. Tee hee hee, I fooled you!!!

Anyway, until I have some free time to write something of substance, here’s a video of a monkey riding a dog.

Because, yanno… it’s a MONKEY RIDING A DOG.

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While re-watching “The Walking Dead” last weekend… (which, if you haven’t seen yet, you should remedy immediately. Just sayin.)

B: Just so you know, I would *totally* put you down if a zombie bit you. You know, before you turn.

Me: What?!?

B: Yes. It’s the humane thing to do. Don’t you think about what you’ll do when the zombie apocalypse comes? You wouldn’t put ME down?

Me: No! I don’t think I could do it.

B: That’s very irresponsible of you.

Me: *considering* Well, what if I was a vampire?

B: No, I would not put you down if you were a vampire.

Me: That’s something, at least.

B: It’s not the same! Vampires are awesome.

Me: So you wouldn’t care if I tried to turn you?

B: No, I would open my neck and be all GET THAT SHIT, because it’s bad ass.

Me: Okayyy, I get it. I mean zombies are all mehhhhhh whereas vampires are all insanely cool and, yanno, functional.

B: Exactly.

Me: Hmmm. Okay.

B: Now if you go wolfman, that’s a different story.

Me: What?!

B: Yeah. I mean, I wouldn’t KILL you… but I’d chain you up for a few moons, wait to see how that plays out. You know, in case it’s horrible, like when you’re on your period.

Me: ….

B: But hopefully it WOULDN’T be like a period, and it’d be great. And I’d be all “wolfman me, baby!!” Cause let’s face it, Wolfmanning is a little below Vampire, but still way above Zombie.

Please tell me we’re not the only ones who discuss the hierarchy of monsters over dinner.

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via Filmdrunk

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Clicky clicky.

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So, yeah. I was in Chicago for a week, and some stuff totally happened there, and it was tons of fun and I had a blast at Saturday’s Goose Me Happy Hour, and got to see my BFF Kbo a ton, and B and I ate lots of food that was bad for us and probably even more booze, and Chitown is super fun and easy to get around and probably one of my new favorite cities ever. Da Bears.

But more importantly, today, @storm_search showed me an app where I can Jerseylicious myself.

So, yeah… that happened:

And then we had the even better idea of Jerseylicious-ing the CATS.

So, obviously… I did:

I hope the Jersey craze never, ever ends. And now I have a good idea of what our Christmas cards are gonna look like this year…

The most excellent Jerseylicious-ing app is here. Please feel free to share in los commentos*.

*Jersey Spanglish for “the comments”.

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(Sad that there’s no smaller size, but you can also view it here)

Also, are you going to be in Boston tomorrow? Yes? SWEET. Then I will see you here for too many margaritas!

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A couple hours ago, my mom sent me this crap (love you Mom):

Everyone loves Guns and Roses

I Will Cut You

Born to Rock

Sup, G?

Is that edible?

On second thought…

That’s right baby…I still got it.

Rice Cereal? I don’t need no stinkin’ rice cereal!

OH! Cold Wipes! Cold Wipes!

I can’t believe this place

Yeah.. I just farted

Tell me she did NOT just say that!!

My response:

They’d be funnier if they were cats.

Her response, two hours later:

Like this?

Everyone loves Guns and Roses

I Will Cut You

Born to Rock

Sup, G?

Is that edible?

On second thought…

That’s right baby…I still got it.

Rice Cereal? I don’t need no stinkin’ rice cereal!

OH! Cold Wipes! Cold Wipes!

I can’t believe this place

YOU just farted!

Tell me she did NOT just say that!!

Me: Holy… did you just MAKE that?!

Mom: Yes. Don’t tell anyone.

Me: You’re my hero.

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