HI THERE!!!!!

[Waves, gives ridiculously tight hug]

It’s been a while but I’m back in style, massively hating life because I am, for the first time in almost two weeks, at WORK where all these people seem to expect me to DO STUFF.

Redic.

But somehow, some way, I’ll get through it. Pray for me. No, wait, on second thought… just send booze.

Pictures and stories to come, to be sure, but for now, I’m just trying to get through Day 1 of Operation: Back to Real Life. So let’s kick this jam off with a “Shiz My Boyfriend Says… Costa Rica Style”. (Click here for allllllllll the “Shiz My Boyfriend Says”‘s.)

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Costa Rica is full of stray cats and dogs, who despite being most likely riddled with disease, are absolutely adorable. I was definitely the asshole tourist who snuck them food from my plate at basically every restaurant we went to.

Me: Look! The puppy LOVES me!

B: Um, he loves the BACON you are giving him.

Me: Shhhhh. He can tell that it’s love bacon.

B: That’s probably true. Actually, that’s a good idea. You should probably wrap your love for ME in bacon!!!!! I’d love you way more then!

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I speak Spanish, and B, well… does not. This was his response every time I answered anything he asked me in Spanish…

B: Where’s the sunblock?

Me: [Insert Spanish here]

B: Don’t you curse at me!!!!!!!!

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While watching one of the three English channels, a commercial for the Sims comes on.

Me: Oh, I thought this was an awesome new game for Wii… turns out it’s just the Sims. LAME.

B: Seriously, the Sims is bullshit. You have to make them go to the bathroom and stuff! Why on earth do I want to worry about someone ELSE taking a dump. I have to do my own poops every day! Fucking asshole Sims guy. You think I care if that guy poops?! I don’t give a shit! [insert rambling mumblings about poops...]

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Laying in bed, he asks me to scratch his back, which I HATE because I can feel the dead skin catching under my nails and it’s freaking gross, man.

B: Pleeeeeease, will you itch my back? Just a little bit!

Me: You know I hate that!

B: Well, this way, if I murder you tonight, you’ll have my skin under your nails! Boo yah!

Me: You’ve used that one before.

B: Have I? … Well, it still rings true. [Seeing my face, sighs...] I probably won’t murder you tonight.

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It’s good to be home.

Mama said share.

It still hasn’t sunk in that tomorrow, yes, TOMORROW, I will be roaming the rainforest-y hillsides of Costa Rica with my lovah. You see that little post tag down on the right, the one that says “dear god how am I not still in Puerto Viejo“, and has FOURTEEN posts dedicated to it? Yeah, well… now I finally WILL be back on that gorgeous Caribbean beach… and I could not be any more stoked in the pants about it.

Don’t be too jealous. I’ll miss you guys, I swear. Just… a little less every time I sip something with a wee umbrella in it.

Now don’t fret- I do have a few posts scheduled to go up while I’m gone, especially the two next installments of the “Post Secret” TMI Thursdays. (Don’t know what Post Secret is? Click HERE to be amazed). Your submissions have been truly awesome… keep ‘em coming, too, and I’ll post them until we get every last one up for all to see. Send them to heylivitluvit at gmail dot com, and if you don’t want even me to know who you are, you can send it from the top secret email account I made just for this purpose…

Log in at Gmail with the username: tmithursday

Password: tmit1234

Okay then! I think we have time for one last “Shiz My Boyfriend Says” before I go, don’t you?

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Yesterday evening, he suddenly hops up off the couch…

B: Baby, I have a poop situation!

Me: By all means…

[He heads to bathroom, stops, comes back to the couch]

Me: What happened?

B: Forgot my beer.

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The other night, we were watching a DVD and left the player on while we went downstairs to do laundry. When we came back…

B: Why is the player off??

Me: It turns itself off after a while if it’s not playing.

B: Well that sucks!

Me: No, it’s good, actually. The player burns out faster if it’s left on all the time.

B: Listen, don’t you contradict me, woman!

Me: YOU taught me that!

B: Well definitely don’t contradict me with things I’ve taught you!!!

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In the bathroom…

Me: Baby, where’s the bathroom trash can?

B: I threw it away.

Me: … Um, why?

B: IT WAS INEFFICIENT!!!

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 While watching the Office…

Me: Damn. Erin has a serious rack.

[They talk about Michael falling into the Koi Pond...]

B: Those are like $2000 bucks!

Me: Excuse me?!

B: What? [Blank stare] The koi fish!

Me: OH. I totally thought you meant her boobs.

B: No! [Ponders] Well, those are probably about $2000, too.

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While watching Murray be his adorable dumb self…

B: Murray looks like a mongoose.

Me: He looks nothing like a mongoose.

B: Yes he does! He’s exactly the same. In fact, I replaced him with a mongoose a week ago and you didn’t even notice!! 

Me: … I can’t even argue with that logic. Good one, baby.

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Farewell, my lovely blogdudes and blogettes. I’ll check in when I can! Don’t have too much fun without me…

UPDATE: I just found out that my BFF Maxie is going to be moving here to DC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so mad I won’t be here this weekend to celebrate, but Lexa has already been instructed to get you a shot of tequila on me. LOVE YOUR FACE! Congrats and Happy Happy Birthday, my darling wife!

Mama said share.