I’m back, bitches!

…And more exhausted than ever.

A night of debauchery in Key West, followed by three days at a gorgeous resort helping a bestie pull off the wedding of the year…

Followed by a 32-hour expedition to get home.

It’s amazing how in just three flight delays and a night in a sterile airport hotel, you can completely forget why your skin is sunkissed. All that remains is a set of angry bowels torturing you for what you put it through over the weekend.

Nevertheless, the wedding was absolutely beautiful. The weather was perfect, I got my boobs into my dress somehow, and our sweet bride was a saint compared to the bridezilla horror stories I’ve heard. Both of their families were a blast to drink with get to know, and for the first time in a decade, I managed to get what any Scotch Irish person knows is a tan, and any normal person would call “no longer quite so vampire-y looking.”

Wedding pics to come, but here’s a few of my favorites from our night in Key West…

We're in Miami, bitch! (And clothing is optional...)

"Gimme an awkward morning over any lonely night"

At least he's honest.

Spring Break ot 6 relived!

This is actually a pretty standard sighting down there. ... And I think I bought the same shades the next day.

Is there a "Stuff White People DO" site? Because this belongs on it. (Yes, that is an iPad... at the beach.)*

*I should probably mention that the dude with the iPad is B. Since you’re all making fun of him. He was very careful with his new toy… Look Ma, no sand!

Mama said share.

Because you should be… and not just because it has the best opening credits song since The Wire.

(Click here for more info.)

Listen to me. I’m a doctor.*

*of Loooooooooooooove.**

**Also, shuttup. I am recovering from a bachelorette and it may have been my first one but dayum, y’all… I am TOO OLD for this shit.

Mama said share.

Today, I leave my District bubble and head down South to celebrate the first of my Carolina Girls’ bachelorette parties.

Mere, we knew you’d be the first from the moment we met Shawn. (Are you preggers  yet? How bout now? Now??)

Anyhoozle, I can’t wait to get down there and have a couple Very Klassy Evenings out with my ladies…

*coughcough*

Savannah ain’t gonna know what hit it.

My Sweet Carolina Girls - Best in the World

And that’s a threat… not a promise.

(Remember the Dominican, y’all?…

Uh huh.

Let’s DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

Mama said share.

First things first… the TMI Thursday ”Post Secret Style” contest from yesterday has turned into so much more than some Firefly Vodka swag. I can’t believe how many I’ve received- some hilarious, some tragic, all brave and kickass entries that are guaranteed to move you in some way.

Yes, I am going to post ALL of them. I might have to spread this over a couple weeks so we can really enjoy them all- I want everyone who sent one in to be able to see the commentary it receives. I promise to email you and let you know when it’s going up, so if you used the Top Secret anonymous email account to send it in (Gmail, username tmithursday, password tmit1234), then make sure to check back- I’ll respond to that email chain. Please continue to send them in- I promise every last one WILL be posted!

I’m pretty sure tomorrow is going to be my favorite post of all time. Which is hilarious, because I had almost nothing to do with it (except for my own anonymous entry…)

Moving on!

This weekend I was lucky enough to have my Carolina girls in town, as KBo was running the Marine Corps Marathon (why yes, she DID rock it) and Meredith came up from the Cack to help me cheer her on.

We’ve all been close for half a decade now, and suddenly, all three of us are no longer carefree 21 year olds trying to get each other home safely from the bars… we’re staring our futures in the face. And somehow, each one of us has ended up making a home with a good man, and a few fur babies.

These chicas knew me at a time when there was a lot more piss and vinegar in me; when the “Masshole” was more of a truism than a joke. Over the years, we’ve watched Kbo’s relationship stand trial through a tour in Iraq and a semester in Australia. We spent years trying to pull Mere out of a bad relationship, only to have the perfect man swoop in and make her forget the jerk in a matter of weeks. Now, we’re planning her wedding while she coos at babies on the street.

It will be my very first wedding I’m actually in since I was a 5 year old flower girl, and from what y’all tell me, it’s going to be the first in a SLEW of them over the next couple years…

Bring it on.

Oh, how things change… and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Mama said share.

Today, I’m off to see my GBF from college I have seen ONCE since we gradumated in ot six. He lives in West Hollywood, but is in NYC because his company is shooting a movie and he’s a baller like that.

To say I am a wee bit excited would be the understatement of the year.

Tommy, I lub your face and I can’t wait to have another man fondle my boobs for the first time in over a year. B already gave you clearance.

SEE YOU IN SIX HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I’ll be on the ‘berry, so if you’re in the area, shoot me a tweet or an email! Woot!

Mama said share.

I remember, a couple years ago now, how afraid I was to even start this blog. A good friend of mine (and my mother, although she doesn’t know that she succeeded…) insisted on it to the point where I didn’t really have a choice.

Of course, I read and admired the blogs of others… but the idea of meeting them? Well, that didn’t even cross my mind at first. Scary with a capital S! I (yes, I) was totally and completely intimidated by the idea. I saw posts about Happy Hours go up, but never dreamed of going.

And then, one day, I emailed one of my favorites, Lemmonex. We wrote back and forth a few times. Then (gasp!) we even gchatted a bit. Finally, we took the plunge… and met for lunch one day.

Over a year later, I honestly can’t imagine my life without her. And the countless other bloggy friends I’ve made that you read about here each and every day. It’s a list that keeps growing, too, and I just fucking love it.

All this blathering is basically my way of saying, come out next Friday. Come to Evolve, a little bar in Adams Morgan (but just off the kids’ main strip- map here), and have a beer or eight with us. The joint’s small enough that you won’t wonder where we are, (which also makes it easier for me to ambush greet you at the door with a big bear hug).

Bring a friend, bring your teddy bear, or just bring your fabulous self. I promise we won’t leave you hanging.

If you’re planning on coming, steal this pic so your people know to come too. The more the merrier, of course.

And please feel free to email me with any comments/questions/offers to buy me drinks: heylivitluvit at gmail dot com.

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Other things that made my Friday fabulous…

My love Briana sent me this video via Facebook yesterday. I was astonished when they came out with “designer” animal print Snuggies, but I think they may have finally gone too far…

At least now I know what the kittens are getting for Christmas! Especially if they keep dousing B in his own urine for my personal amusement.

Next up, I couldn’t help but Twitter this last night, so I’m sorry for the repeat… but oh my god, we saw this on Tosh.0 last night and B and I were literally laughing so hard tears were streaming down our cheeks. Which may or may not have something to do with the fact that he had a cooler o’ booze next to us on the couch, but whatevs. Click to enlarge…

25 to 70?? But NOT 24 or 71… he has standards, clearly. But he’s not gay! Just a little mutual touching among friends. I can’t decide what the bigger enticement is… kicking the trains like monsters, or all the imitation crabmeat I can eat. I told B he should sacrifice himself to go over there and get us some of that delicious surplus of faux crab, but he wasn’t having it. I can’t imagine why…

And finally, my sweet Carolina girl and BFFie Kristin is a much better person than I. She’s heading up here in October to run the Marines Marathon for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, provided she can raise enough money. I asked her to write a little blurb below so you can read her story for yourself, but let me throw me two cents in here and just say I know we’re all broke, I know this economy blows massive chunks, but if you can spare anything, any little bit helps. Plus, free karma! Oh wait… not free… but you know what I mean. Check it out below, or, if I’ve already convinced you, Donate Here!

(And a huge thanks to my friend Big Money Tony for his super generous donation last week. You have karma coming out your ears, my dear!)

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Hola chicas! (and fellas) It’s Kristin here, LiLu’s UNC pee partner in crime (btw, I am not as fugly in real life as I look in those pics). LiLu was kind enough to allow me to post a bit about something I’ve been working on for the past few months in hopes that a few of you may be able to help me out.

This past May I ran my first marathon (yep, it’s 26.2 miles) and once I crossed the finish line I knew I was hooked! (And really, really smelly. Ask M, she was unfortunate enough to have to hug me after that.) So I started looking into which one I should run next, and obvi, I picked the 2009 Marine Corps Marathon so I would have a free place to stay get to hang out with LiLu and B! But I also picked MCM because I could run with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training Program.

Team in Training is a group of dedicated volunteer runners who train together for a marathon or an Olympic Distance triathlon. But our bigger mission is to raise funds to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives.

I’m working to raise over $3,500 for LLS, and I’m almost there! As of Thursday, I only need $888 to reach my goal. Can you help me out? You can donate here quickly, safely and with a sweet shot of good karma for your Friday BONUS, it’s a tax write off! Suhweet.

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Happy weekend, darlins. I better see you out next Friday!!! xo

Mama said share.

Recently, I was asked by a (kickass) marketing group I’ve started working with to write a biography about myself. Since so many of you are newbies around here and are just discovering the mayhem that is my world, I figured, why not share with the whole class?

I don’t think this is *quite* what the marketing peoples were expecting…

LiLu of Live It, LOVE It

LiLu is a 25 year old professional in the District of Columbia. When her “real” job isn’t making her do “real” work, she writes a little blog dedicated to mocking all things petty and insignificant, particularly herself.

(Ed. note: She’s not really that petty, actually. Just insignificant.)

Though she grew up near abrasive yet (arguably) charming Worcester, Massachusetts, four years spent at UNC-Chapel Hill in North Cack have significantly softened her rough edges. Thus, she has come to classify herself as a “South-i-fied Masshole”… all the fun of a Northerner, now with the grace of a Southern belle!

(Ed. note: That is a blatant lie. Her knees are constantly bruised from a total lack of grace, but let’s just say she’s, um, mellowed out a bit.)

When LiLu isn’t at a computer, she spends her leisure time berating tourists for not knowing how to walk around D.C., wishing that she could hold onto a pair of sunglasses for more than four hours, and lunching with her ladies.

(Ed. note: “Lunching with the ladies” = “giving her hard-earned dollars to the District’s shadiest bars at Happy Hour… and probably stuffing her face with chicken fingers while she’s there.”)

A self-proclaimed dork, LiLu also thoroughly enjoys “White Girl” dancing, shameless karaoke performances, and French fries of all shapes and sizes. She has never turned down a triple dog dare, because losing is for losers.

(Ed. note: No, really. She’s ingested a LOT of gross stuff. Ever had a shot of sweet vermouth… by itself??)

LiLu lives in a neighborhood “with character” in Shaw with her equally ridiculous boyfriend, and two kittens who have devoted their tiny lives to destroying all things fragile or of sentimental value in their closet of an apartment.

(Ed. note: Please send replacement wine glasses to [address redacted].

I am nothing if not honest…

And now for the winner of last Friday’s giveaway!

[Insert drumroll with a side of cowbell...]

FLORETA of The Solitary Panda!!! Congrats on your brand new (let’s hope- gross) Hello Kitty Pocket Vibrator, courtesy of Eden Fantasys! I’ll put you in touch with my main man Drew to collect your prize.

*Too soon?

Mama said share.

My weekend, in tidbits… because I am feeling decidedly uncreative today. (Read: still hungover from all the tomfooleries.)

Friday we headed to Adams Mill to celebrate a friend’s birthday. The gorgeous and feisty Deutlich accompanied B and I… WITH the heart-shaped riding crop she had purchased that evening. Needless to say, she was a hit. So was our bootylicious and decidedly spankable dancing that (naturally) ensued.

I fucking love that girl.

Saturday was spent rooting for my UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING AND AWESOME-LICIOUS TAR HEELS!!!!!! Kendall, I think you just might relive my junior year of college when we took the title… I will NEVER forget that night, and I hope it looks JUST like this when it happens for you:

We watched the game at the home of two of my very favorite people in the world, who had bought two BUSHELS of fresh oysters and we roasted them while they regaled us with stories of their hilarious dog, Clifford, who apparently has a penchant for eating, well, EVERYTHING. I watched him eat a couple of oyster shells, a paper towel, some wax paper, and some oysters in the space of an hour, so I was not at all surprised when his owner told us about a trip to the beach last summer…

Clifford decided it would be Great Fun! to drink as much of the ocean as possible. They literally could not get him to stop downing the salt water, no matter how hard they tried (he’s a BIG boy). Finally they just let him have at it, and whatever would be, would be.

Well, what be was that Clifford ended up running up and down the coast… with sea water endlessly spurting out of his ass. No joke, they said it was just continual *spurt* *spurt* *spurt* while he ran along the water, trying to get away from his own painful heiny. I was appalled to find out that there was no video footage of this, as it clearly would have been the number one video on youtube for at least a week. It’s almost better than this kid, the new Rick Astley. No one’s Rick Rolling you, young ginger. Keep those dance moves comin’.

After the game I met up with my stellar babes FlipFlops, Pithy, Katherine, Maxie and Bethie to celebrate Flippy’s 21st birthday. I don’t even know how many Stankey Legg renditions we did for her, but boobs were flying, I pulled out my best (read: most embarrassing) dance moves, Maxie and I got engaged (I can’t WAIT to see that picture)… all in all, I’d say it was a flaming success. I saw the 50 or so pictures Maxie had on her camera the next morning at brunch (where Maxie threatened to poop on me), and apparently Katertot has another 200 or so. I am terrified and overjoyed to see them.

Incidentally, since I missed part of Flippy’s party Saturday for the Heels game, I have insisted on throwing her another shindig this Friday to make up for it. It’s your birthday MONTH, after all, right? Right. If you love her, love me, love booze, or love tomfoolery, shoot me an email for the Whens, Wheres, and Whys of it all. livitluvit at livitluvit dot com

Happy Mother Effing Monday!

Mama said share.