It’s so frustrating to watch yourself do the opposite of what you know you should do, but feel powerless to stop it.
And the answer is so easy – just DO it. Just DO the right thing, the thing you know will ultimately feel better in the end. Simply make the choice to drink less, eat better, exercise more, say no and stay in once in a while. It shouldn’t be that hard.
Each day I make the wrong choices I feel like I relinquish a little more control, slip a bit further down the rabbit hole. It’s like I’m floating above my body, watching myself do these things I know I’ll regret tomorrow, but the ghostly version hasn’t yet learned how to move objects in the physical world yet or something, so I just have to let it happen while the angel on my shoulder shakes its head at me.
(Wow, that got weird.)
I can even REMEMBER, with startling clarity, how good and happy and productive and strong I feel when I am doing these things. I can literally remember saying to myself, “This is awesome! Don’t ever fall off this wagon again, this high is too good!”
But alas, I am a stubborn mule, and invariably fall back into the delicious cycle of whiskey, cheeseburgers, and far too many (lovely) friends.
Is electroconvulsive therapy still a thing? I could just pay someone to shock me every time I try to go to Boundary Stone…
{ 37 comments }
There ain’t nothin’ wrong with whiskey and cheeseburgers as long as you exercise regularly! Then you only have to make one good choice instead of three.
I love everything about this logic, haha. Brilliant!
Amen to that! Don’t be to hard on yourself Rachel. We all have those times where we “fall of the bandwagon” a bit, but sometimes you need to fall off, to have that time. You’ll find a happy medium again, I know it!
*too
There’s a reason you get a partner in AA (or any other support group). It’s much easier to maintain a behavior if you have someone to talk to when you’re feeling the urge to do something you shouldn’t, regardless of what it is.
All my friends are enablers. Wonderful, hilarious, super fun enablers. I suppose I can always call my mom…
Here’s the thing, though. When I was in my early 20′s, I was hanging out with friends every weekend, probably drinking too much and eating a less than optimal diet…
Now? I’m older and presumably wiser… I don’t remember the last time I went out to the bar with friends (and going to the wine bar with my writers group DOES NOT COUNT because it’s one drink over the course of 5 hours and it involves actually doing something work-like). Most nights I sit at home with my cats and eat salad.
And you know what? As much as being virtuous and eating salads and having only one glass of wine at the wine bar with a couple of writing buddies may SOUND “ok” and may be an “ideal”, I miss the friends, the weekend-long parties and the other things that were part of my life “back in the day…”
You will have many, many years to be sophisticated and virtuous and live a quiet life. As much as it seems like a good thing to do all of those good things you talk about, I have to believe that squeezing the most out of life while you can and hanging out with friends cannot possibly be a wrong course of action. Trust me, you do NOT want to be 40-something and sitting home alone with your cats eating salads and wondering what the hell happened.
Well no worries there, as I despise salad, haha. If that was me, I guarantee I’d be eating a steak alone, so there’s that. But yeah, there’s something to be said for enjoying it while I’m at this stage in my life!
I am like that too. I go back and forth, back and forth. I fight it every single day. Sometimes I win, sometimes I don’t.
I think you are going the right thing, though, by recognizing that you want to do go. It’s okay to fall off the wagon sometimes. It happens. You are strong and will get back up.
Love love love.
Knowing is half the battle, or something, ha. You’re right, at least we’re trying!
i hear you. and i retort… with a cheesy quote: “If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking, and loving, you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer.” #tazered
-Clement Freud
I mean. He has a point.
*tasered
*like*
go = GOOD
Just enjoy being with people. As a social person that just moved to a new place where she knows no one & therefore has no social life, I say to just be with your friends. & get some that will encourage you to go to the gym or whatever together. Sounds to me like you just want to have a good time with the people you like, & there is nothing wrong with that.
Aw. Hugs, lady. New cities aren’t easy, especially smaller ones like Jacksonville. I’m pretty sure I have some Twitter friends there though – I’ll connect you! <3
I try to eat better, but Doritos Sour Cream & Onion? How can I pass on that? (Without poking my eyes out with a charred stick, I mean).
I did give up drinking for February. In fifty-three and a half hours (ish) I’ll be having my first beer since January 31st.
(I can’t wait)
!!!!!! Good for you, dear!!! Doing anything to celebrate?
Coincidentally, a friend’s Avon walk-thing-fundraising happy hour is Thursday night at Kushi … so I will be drinking and donating money.
You’re a good egg. Enjoy!!
I count myself very lucky that I gave up alcohol a week before my 18th Birthday (long story involving the loss of a parent, a missed flight and a determinations bordering on the obsessive) – sadly cheeseburgers and bad food didn’t get kicked to the kerb at the same time…. The secret of being able to give up things is wanting to give up – I associate alcohol with a bad time in my life and so managed to walk away as a posed to stumbling while throwing up my guts. Couple of added benefits – no worries about not being able to drive home (Mrs B is delighted to have a readymade taxi service) and no hangovers…..
Oh, I can see that, haha! That would be delightful. Maybe I can force a negative association with cheeseburgers… but that still doesn’t fix the obsession with French fries.
Imagine the evil cheeseburger and his friends the French fries drinking all your whisky, up chucking over your pillow and peeing on all your
clothes in your wardrobe…. If that makes the cheeseburger and French fries sounds like friends you can only aspire to….perhaps it is time to upgrade your old friends…
Hmm..I can’t relate as much to the whiskey, but I definitely sympathize with the junk food. I’m trying to eat better (ignore those Dove truffles in my desk drawer), but it really isn’t easy.
What kind of person can resist Dove truffles? COMMUNISTS, that’s who.
Sip the whiskey a little slower. Turn that cheeseburger into a cheese BISON burger. Keep the friends.
BAM! Problem solved.
THIS! Yes, THIS!!
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I feel the same way, and the only way I’ve found to deal with it is a) try for balance not perfection b) after four weeks of eating cleaner and working out, you get back to that great feeling and it’s easier to maintain and c) the 80-20 rule – if you know you’re going to make a “bad” choice for dinner, for example, eat really clean the rest of the day.
Good luck and I’m always around for back up
http://make-everything-ok.com/
Also, for me it’s about moderation. Not necessarily pushing myself to stop those things entirely.
I know that this isn’t the right response, but I can’t help but wishing I could join you at your Boundary Stone. Maybe we all have our own rabbit holes sometimes? xoxo, sending you love, either way. In taser form.
You are SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE! I can blog until I’m blue in the face of all the ways I WANT to get healthy. I can yell at the people on Biggest Loser about their unhealthy behaviors. But to actually go out there and DO IT? It’s hard. I struggle so much. I fight so much.
And the excuses I can give to let myself slip up? I have one for every little situation.
I’m getting better, but it’s still such a big struggle.
here’s the wise advice of my mother, the illustrious Jack. I’m fairly certain she stole these words from Oprah or some other really wise life-guru:
“Everything in moderation.
Even moderation.”
Seriously though, sweets, you are going through a rough time right now. It is totally normal to make not-so-awesome decisions and then tell yourself what a dingdong (or other such word) you are afterward. As long as you KEEP TRYING to climb back up on the wagon. Even when you’re getting slivers under your fingernails because you’re just barely hanging on, you’re still hanging on. And sometimes you slip. It happens to the best of us. And we all love you.
If you’re into reading (it requires staying in once in a while – whiskey and cheeseburgers still welcome).. I’m reading “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin right now and it’s been pretty inspiring. And I’m not the type to say things are “inspiring”. Just a generally happy person who wrote about their quest to find a happier life balance. Definitely recommend it!
I totally relate, more than I’d like to say.
But you’ve made me crave burgers, which is extremely sad, I was on the path to health and happiness and now you’ve ruined it…
*flinches*
Truth is being aware of the bad choices goes a long way to helping make them, for ages I was in denial.
SAME for me. Except for tonight- I’ve got a cat on my lap making it hard for me to type but I let it happen because that’s just what I do.