I’ve never been one to care when someone doesn’t like me.
I’m not that person who needs to be friends with everyone – in fact, as time goes on, I find myself desiring a smaller circle of friends (quality > quantity FTW).
I’m a big personality. I know this. And that means some people will love you, some will hate you – but there’s not a whole lot of in between. I don’t think anyone out there would be asked “How do you feel about that Rachael girl?” and respond, “meh. I can take her or leave her.”
And I’m cool with that. I prefer it that way, actually – I’d rather be polarizing than boring.
What I don’t like, however, is being surprised by someone I thought was a friend.
Where I’m from, if you don’t like somebody, they’re gonna know it. We’ll simply acknowledge that we don’t get along, and go our separate ways. There’s about eleventy billion other people on the planet to hang out with, after all – no bigs. Call it the “cold Yankee” attitude if you want, but at least you know where you stand with someone.
When I went down south for college, it blew my mind to see people being sickly sweet to each other’s faces… and then as soon as they were out of earshot, the shit started flying.
WTF? How on earth do you operate when you have no idea who’s actually a friend, and who’s a frenemy?
I’m sure some of it had to do with being in a sorority (the only way I could get on campus housing as a transfer student), but by and large, that was my experience. And I hated it.
I don’t need to be BFFs with everyone. I’ve got more Favorite People in this world than I know what to do with already. You don’t like me? That’s fine. I’m a big girl.
But don’t PRETEND to, only to turn around and spit vile when my back is turned.
*z-snap*
{ 37 comments }
PREACH sister. preach on.
As a girl who has lived in the South my whole life (specifically Dallas where “sweet to your face and shit talking behind your back” is like an Olympic sport) it does get annoying sometimes. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all…until she leaves the room. That’s why I can’t wait to be old…you can say crazy stuff and people just think you’re awesome and old, not mean!
this post is perfect.
I’ve also realized the quality> quantity aspect of friendships.. I have made some tough decisions cutting friends out of my life because they were just dragging me down and not worth it, even though hard- SO NEEDED
yep, big personality, got that too. There are times I feel I should try and “quiet” it a bit.. but then it wouldn’t be me
and as far as the two-faced crap – ugh. such a waste of time!
glad you haven’t lost all of your masshole traits!
I don’t understand that phenomenon either. Be an ADULT and state how you feel or just don’t spend time with someone if you don’t like them.
I’m trying to learn how to get to this place — “I don’t care if you don’t like me.” A good friend keeps reminding me, “What someone else thinks of you is none of your business.” And she’s so right. What they think of me doesn’t change who I am or what I’m worth. But I have a really hard time shrugging it off. I just really want to be liked, even though I know it’s impossible for EVERYONE to like me.
That said, the two-faced crap is so high school.
preach.
i’ve lived a much happier life since coming to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to like me…and that some people are even going to hate me. AND that it’s ok for me to cut people out if they’re not the kind of person i need/want in my life.
and meghan…i know exactly what you mean re: the dallas social climbers. but then they act like I’M the bitch for not going along with the charade… it reminds me of that line in Bridesmaids “why can’t you just go home and talk behind my back like a normal person?!”
So true. I’ve had a hard time making quality frienships since I’ve moved here. Pretty much everyone seems fake-nice.
I COULD NOT agree more. And I’ve come to notice that it is much more frequent in larger groups of friends. My group of friends has gradually split into two; the ones who love the drama and the fakeness and the shittalk, and the ones who are effing sick of all the bullshit and just want to have a good time. Lesson learned: Less good friends > A whole bunch of crappy friends.
And I do live in Atlanta, so it MUST be a southern thing.
Can I get an amen? Amen! Up here it’s called Minnesota nice. Everyone is nice. But I KNOW they don’t all like everyone! It’s the same way in Iowa too tho. Can’t get away from it!
OMG…..I cannot tell you how AMAZEBALLS this post it. I live in the South so I know first hand that is what girls do and how they are. It makes me really sad. I wish people would be more honest and tell you how they feel. I’ve been meaning to blog about this. Maybe now, I will. Thank you, Rachael
It’s one of the things I really dislike about the south. I hate the sugary sweet, tell you to go to hell with a sugared smile on the face kind of act. It’s exhausting. If two people don’t like each other, acknowledge, be polite but aloof if you have to be together. There’s no reason to act like BFFs if you end up in a room together. That’s ridiculous.
Honestly, it’s one of the reasons I have few girlfriends IRL. I just can’t do the shallow, fake friendship.
There need to be more z-snaps in your posts. There’s nothing like a good z-snap.
And yeah, that really fucking sucks. Partially because it’s just so fucking dishonest. No adult needs to be loved by EVERYONE. If you don’t like me, treat me with some amount of civility, and I’ll deal.
I’ve never heard it called a z-snap. And I thought I was in touch with the outside world.
Ha.
I really like “what you see is what you get” people too. They’re REAL. Even if I don’t agree with someone’s views or outlook or whatever, the very fact that they’re authentic will make me appreciate them. Rock on.
My whole adult life, I’ve been looking for a way to describe the “z-snap” in person and it would look like this: “triple arm snap!” “armwavesnap!” “attitudesnap!” but all those were inadequate. Z-snap is PERFECT.
I have a big personality and a loud ass voice. So people either love or hate me too. And I will NOT tolerate that talking shit behind my back after being sweet to my face nonsense!
Loved the post! Seems in the US it’s a Southern thing but I live in South Africa & you find the same thing here. I have no time for it.
See, that’s why sometimes it’s easier being a guy. None of this behind your back bullshit. I don’t like you. Yea, fuck you too. Then you either fight (fist fight, it’s over real quick) or avoid each other and that is that.
Except for the gays. They buy into the drama.
That’s what I like and envy about you men.
It would take so much energy for me to be fake like that. They’d see right through me anyway. So, yeah, what’s the point?
Oh, I am WITH you on this one. A few years back one of my best friends sent me an e-mail two days before my birthday to tell me that I was a terrible friend and she proceeded to literally LIST all the things she was holding against me from our entire friendship. Needless to say we are NOT friends anymore, but how pointless is that? I mean, way to make me feel worthless in like 5 seconds. Luckily we’ve settled our differences and just peacefully keep our distance now, but stuff like this REALLY irritates me. You can just keep your distance from someone without having to throw crap back in their faces. Sigh.
Love the z-snap.
Now I’m going to post on another blog how much I hate your z-snap.
Well stop be trynnnn to take my men. Mhhhhhmmmm. *snap*
holy hell! i am a little behind on my google reader, but people do this all of the damned time and it is ridiculous and frustrating as hell and more often than not, i end up calling their happy fake asses out on it. they can go bake their fakery else where… cause i dont want none. mmm mmm no way. and not even close. i know peeps do this to me as well. i completely understand.
preach, except that’s the jersey girl in me (as always rach, as always).
I just wrote a post about quality of friends over quantity of friends a couple of days ago (post is called, “On Changing Friendships and Growing Apart”). I am very similar to you in terms of just letting people know where I stand with them and moving on. I think that if we all did that, life would be much easier.
Love this post, but I think my favorite part has to be the *z-snap* at the end.
That was a super Z Snap. Praaaaaych it, guh.
I don’t get why anyone would pretend to be someone’s friend.
I understand not being a hosebeast to someone’s face though … why be unpleasant. But don’t be intimate friends with someone one minute and then ignore the crap out of them the next or mouth off behind their back.
If you’ve grown apart, you’ve grown apart. If that’s the case, just be apart … no need for drama. If there’s a need for drama then it’s not growing apart and some ‘splaining is to be had, sister.
I don’t get why people are so afraid to say WE NEED TO TALK if it’s that important.
I feel the exact same way. Illinois voting here. Peace.
SERIOUSLY. <3 this post.
Love this post!
This is what I’m saying. Why should I treat you like we’re friends when I don’t like you. Better to know it and not give a shit than not know it and have people bad-mouthing you behind your back. If I don’t like someone, they usually know it and I like it to work the other way around.
As a fellow born-and-bred New England-er (Rhode Island FTW) that has moved to the south, I can attest to the 100% validity of this post. I’ve always been a big supporter of the ‘when someone doesn’t like you it’s nice to know it’ rule. If I don’t like someone, they know it. I’ve dealt with two-timers up north, they’re going to be everywhere you go. But southerners take it to a WHOLE new level.
“I’d rather be polarizing than boring.” stealing this. love it!
I love all the silly things we Southern folk say when we don’t like someone, or are dismayed by something. “Oh, bless her heart.” “She’s a nice girl, really.”
and that’s why i think it best to always stab in the front. then i can punch you with a nice upper cut. my hook needs some work :p
I’m all for quality > quantity, especially when I’m super swamped with life. One friend from college has always described me as a person to whom you never have a neutral reaction. I laughed out loud when I read your description of yourself.
Not sure what went down, but I’m here if you need to talk. xoxo