So, I’m horrible at living alone.
Yes, there are three fabulous men living upstairs, but none of us are home much (we’re all too buy being fabulous, duh). My basement apartment in the house is, for all intents and purposes, a studio, and except for the occasional night when we all happen to catch Glee together, I’m alone.
And I hate it.
Now, don’t get it twisted – it’s not having a man that I miss, so much as I just miss having someone. Living alone is boring as hell, y’all. When Girl Cat wriggles around on top of her cat tree and almost falls off, there’s no one else here to grab me and say “Did you see that?!??!” There’s no one here to laugh when I make fun of The Vampire Diaries (but still totally enjoy every camplicious second of it). There’s no point in cooking something new and fancy, because there’s no one here to eat it with. All of my witty commentary goes completely unappreciated, and frankly, the cat’s banter is pretty one note. (Get it? As in “meow”? Wait, I guess that’s two notes…)
You always hear about how everyone should live alone! It makes you grow as a person!, blah blah blah.
Well, I don’t know what it says about me, but I don’t think I’m cut out for it. I’m decidedly an extrovert – meaning I recharge my energy from being with smaller groups of people, rather than complete solitude.
So, in an effort to avoid being home, I’ve been out every. single. night… and it’s catching up to me. I love my booze, but my body is officially pissed at me. I know she’s had enough. But I think it will probably be a bit longer before I haul myself out of the whiskey well, because that would mean dealing with feeeeelings and facing living alone, and I’m just not ready to do that yet.
P.S. FirstValentine’sDayaloneinfouryearsFML.
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I’m going to be honest, I never lived alone. Like you, I had very different lifestyle and schedule than my roommate. I was also in a long distance relationship for three years. I babysat A LOT. I also learned to enjoy sitting around in my bra and dancing around like a fool.
I won’t lie, that is one of the undeniable perks, haha!
I’ve never lived alone, but the first year of being married, my guy worked all nights & I worked all days, so it wasn’t uncommon for me to be alone 6 nights a week. I hated it at first, but I eventually forced myself to find hobbies (I started blogging) and eventually I began to learn from the solitude. Give it time, I’d say.
And now, a sad story just for you… last Valentine’s my guy was working & I was alone… I ended up drunk, on my floor at home crying over the fact that I’d lost my copy of Moulin Rouge… and I survived to tell the tale
Fortunately, I have a girlfriend coming over tonight, so she should be able to fend off any crying bouts… or at least, join in them with me.
I’m kind of the complete opposite. I’m really good at living alone and I think it would take a period of adjustment and probably a lot of crankiness before I could live with anyone again. I haven’t had roommates since college – it’s just me and the cat, and that’s okay.
I mean, I like being able to be either as clean or messy (usually messy) as I want, and if I’m in a Mood, I can crawl in my bed and just stay there for hours and nobody will judge me. It’s actually kind of nice to cook for yourself (though, I’ll admit, I don’t do it often either) because you have leftovers and therefore the number of meals you get out of each session is greater and therefore it’s cheaper. Or something.
Hang in there. You can do it!
See, I even prefer living with someone because it MAKES me be clean. I hate a messy apartment but I won’t keep it up if it’s just me, haha.
I know I’ll be fine – I always am. I’m sure it’ll just take some time! <3
I love living alone. But that’s because I’m an introvert. I need my solo time. Badly. But I can see why it wouldn’t be right for everyone.
I’ve survived every Valentine’s Day as a single. You’re just as strong as I am (or stronger), so you’ll be fine too.
Yes, definitely different if you’re an introvert! I think most people prefer alone time, I’m just weird.
And I know I’ll survive – I’ve done it in the past, after all. Just a matter of remembering how.
I make myself ridiculous over the top dinners and experiment with new things food-wise when other people aren’t around because I realized I was worth the effort. Worth making a big deal over. I was worth making something totally delicious that only I was going to get. Also, I make a pretty damn good guinea pig, so I tried new recipes on myself before making them for friends. But I like cooking.
Also, I use a Valentine’s Day alone as an excuse to totally pamper myself and make myself feel fabulous. Because I love Valentine’s Day whether I have a date or not. I just always have. I’m a sucker for romance, even when it’s not happening to me. Oh, and there’s no stress to find the right card or gift.
So I hope you start feeling a little more comfortable and find things you can do just for yourself. Because you’re so worth it.
It’s not that I’m uncomfortable – I’m not going crazy or anything. I just prefer having others around. Not having anyone to talk to is tres boring.
But I should probably just start making ridiculous dishes for myself… why not? That doesn’t sound like a half bad idea. Plus, leftovers, amiright?!
I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time adjusting to all the changes in your life, but I hope you know that’s a normal (albeit unfortunate) part of the process. If you need to talk or anything, know I’m only a phone call away. xoxo
And this is why I heart you. Thanks, lady friend! <3
I think what you’re going through is totally normal. Living alone after you haven’t for a while is a major change, so if you weren’t having some trouble with it, that would be weird. Maybe find some friend activities that don’t involve booze… (difficult, I know!) Or teach the cat how to talk? Seriously though, don’t let it limit you. Make ridiculous dishes if you want, and then you’ll have lunch for the next day. No doubt you’ll find ways to rock your new-found independence.
I’m pretty sure if I could get the cat to talk, this whole problem would be solved, hahaha. But yeah, for now I’ll stick to cooking ridiculous things from Pinterest and hunting down non boozy activities. And hopefully that independence-rocking will just sneak up on me before I know it.
I’ve been living alone for a year and a half now and I guess I never really thought about how fun it would be to have someone to laugh at the cat about and make snarky TV commentary… I was detoxing from living with 4 other women in a house with one shower so I needed the polar opposite to balance things out! Being alone has its obvious advantages of walking around naked and leaving dishes in the sink without someone bugging you, but I guess even as an extrovert I find myself really appreciate being able to come home and have it be COMPLETELY SILENT. Sometimes I make dinner in silence or just sit on the couch and do nothing for a few minutes after a long day at work. It’s nice to not *have* to talk to someone, though I feel like I’m becoming more of an introvert in that way…
And while you know and I know that eventually you’ll settle in and face the ALONENESS, I am always here to laugh at girl cat on FaceTime and make snarky comments about reality tv stars in the meantime. xxoo
FOUR other women… ugh, I’d murder them all. I don’t know how you did it.
I honestly don’t think I’ll ever LOVE living alone – it’s just not my style. But I do want to get to a place where I’m okay with it. And yes, let’s definitely plan a kitty + Skype singalong sooner rather than later, hahaha.
I identify myself more as an extrovert and found myself going from living with 60 other people to alone (It happens when you move countries). It was a bit tough at first, but I think that being comfortable trapped with only your own thoughts isn’t so bad. I can pretty much do anything alone now- go to a pub, movie, nice dinner- and I think the independence has made me stronger. Hang in there
Hopefully I get to that place! (And oy, 60 people… that’d be too much, even for me, ha!)
Wish I lived closer so I could come hang out with you and drink copious amounts of wine. I’ve never lived completely alone (always with at least a roommate), and I think I’d sort of enjoy it at times, but I can see how it must be quite the adjustment for you.
Sleepover soon? I’d be more than happy to drive my ass up there and keep you company.
YES and also PLEASE! You are welcome in my ginormous bed anytime, lady friend. We shall snuggle with my kitty and drink all the wine. xoxo
I’m a text and 5 minute drive away.
Just saying. <3
Thanks, lady. <3
Oh geez, how completely I empathize–I hate living alone! I even liked living with my parents better than living alone–my mom and I would sit around laughing like hyenas at things the cat did, or talking straight through a TV show. Living alone may be slightly better than dealing with toxic roommates, but it’s still not my favorite option. (I also don’t like working alone.)
I still want to reschedule our dinner now that I am plague-free! DM me on Twitter if you have any time this week (but I know it’s Social Media Week so I won’t be offended if no).
Have a happy Valentine’s day, Rachael–lots of people love you!
Aww, thanks so much, love. I’m glad SOMEONE feels the same way I do, haha.
I’ve got events tomorrow and Thursday, but Friday could work? When do you leave? I’ll DM you. <3
I’ve actually liked living alone. I lived with roommates all through school, and I felt like I never got a real place to myself. When I moved here, and finally got my own apartment, all by myself, I felt awesome! Now that I’m contemplating moving in with the boyfriend, I actually kind of wish I would have spent a little longer being single and on my own. Making whatever I want for dinner. Watching whatever I want on TV (Vampire Diaries, of course!). Blogging and facebooking without feeling guilty about not paying attention to someone. But I suppose things don’t always work out the way we planned.
This probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but my husband is out of the country on business and I’m all on my own as well. It pretty much sucks.
It is the pits, man. I hope he comes home soon!! xo
I am basically a giant self-centered butthead who did not know that you are now living alone. I’m sorry, lady.
Whiskey is a good substitute for feeeeelings for a while. Be gentle with yourself. You’ll pull yourself up and out of your spiral when you’re good and ready. I know it. You’re strong and funny and witty and lovely and I know that you are going to rock this living alone thing.
Big smooshy anti-Valentine’s Day hugs coming your way. xoxo
Oh, not at all. I think I put ONE post about somewhat alluding to it here, and then disappeared, haha. Also, you have the most adorable munchkin in the world and I’m willing to bet he’s taking up a lot of mama’s free time.
And thank you for this. It means a lot, especially from someone who’s been reading as long as we’ve been reading each other. Lots of love and big giant bear hugs, lady friend! <3
Maybe try to plan things that don’t involve drinking? I’m an extrovert too so when I was single I made a point to join a local flag football league, the volleyball league, I did weekly runs with the local Fleet Feet store, etc.
I’d like to, but I have SO many extracurriculars already (what with SMCDC and all) that I don’t have time for any more scheduled commitments. Le sigh. I’ll figure something out, though!
I hate hate hate hate hate living alone, I can totally relate. I mean, sure, walking around naked/in your underwear is nice sometimes and sometimes I wish I could throw the boyfriend out for a couple of hours, but alone all the time? No thank you. I don’t blame you one bit for struggling to adjust.
THANK YOU. Underwear dance parties are fun, but they don’t outweigh having a companion, for me.
I have this thought in my mind that although I like alone time, I am not allowed to like it too much, because it wouldn’t be healthy. Which is probably speaks more to my analytical mind rather than danger of poor health. If you’d said “I can’t stop drinking whiskey, smoking crack, and waking up in strange places”, I’d freak out. But nights out with friends? Nah, bring on the whiskey. Keeping us from ourselves is sometimes necessary.
I like the way you
justifythink.<3
I love living alone but yes I need to get out nearly every night even if it is only for an hour with a friend or two and those meetings are usually at the bar.
It’s ok, you will adjust. Do what you need to do gurl!
I’m sure you’re right – as with anything in life, it’s all about finding that balance. I’ll get there.
I haven’t ever lived alone, although I’m pretty sure I’d be good at it. Then again, having someone there to listen to me yell excitedly about things makes me feel like the yelling is less crazy. Regardless, I’m all for avoiding the feelings via whiskey, so you take your time and eventually you’ll figure it out. Also, once science gets this teleportation thing down, good luck trying to be alone because I’ll be all up in your business, yelling excitedly all the time.
Hahahahaha, this is the Actual Best. How, I repeat HOW does teleportation not exist yet?!?! Maybe if we pooled all our bloggy resources, we could demand the government focus on it instead of silly things like “healthcare” and “firemen”.
so i’ve never lived alone and i’m pretty sure if i did i’d go crazy. after being raised in a house with three siblings and loud parents and having roommates all throughout college i just don’t do well alone. i mean i like my alone time every now and then but hell i get so bored and i get freaked out (stupid, stupid crime show obsession). so man, don’t even feel guilty about not wanting to live alone. some people love it, others not so much. it’s quite alright.
also i heart you times a bagillion.
I know I’m biased because this is exactly what I needed to hear, but THANK YOU. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR. I honestly believe people are just wired differently and I don’t think I actually need (or want) to be “good” at living alone. It’s just not my style, dammit, and that’s OK.
Related; I love your face off your face. #threemonths
I wish I could come hang out with you!!
I will say this, learning to live alone gets easier. Not less lonely or less scary (hello odd noises at 3am), but easier. You learn to be comfortable in the silence and confident that your musings to the cat do not mean you are crazy. You also get to indulge in lots of super secret single girl behavior like blogging in your underwear and eating cookies in bed. You will make it, I promise. And if all else fails, I have two other bloggy friends in DC that I have been meaning to visit for like years now. Maybe I will make a trip of it this summer and come drink with all of you.
xoxo!!
Do it, do it!! That’d be an absolute blast!
Fortunately I don’t really get scared of noises, because I always just assume it’s the cat. (Unless I can feel her sleeping next to me… haha.) But yeah, the super secret single girl behaviors are definitely a silver lining.
Ok, true confessions time… I was almost 40 before I lived alone for the first time. I went to boarding school (dorm..roomie), I got married (and we went to “our” place the day after I graduated HS), when I was not married I always had roommates… I was TERRIFIED of the thought of living alone. I didn’t think I could do it.
Now it’s weird because Mr. POSSLQ has a job as a long-haul truck driver so I am alone for weeks at a time and then he’s home for a few days and the adjustment between alone and not alone messes me up wicked bad. It’s like TOO MUCH ALONE interspersed with WAY TOO MUCH SOMEONE ELSE…
I am so grateful for my kitties and chinchilla. Which I realize makes me sound like a really crazy, old, cat lady. But I do start to worry about myself when I start apologizing to the cats… so I figure I’m not too far gone… yet.
I know you know you’ll be fine… You always have the internetz and if you ever need company, drop me an email. I’ve got Skype, 2 cats and a chinchilla… (which is either frightening you or has you wondering if, perhaps, hilarity ensues!)
I ALWAYS wanted a chinchilla! And a hedgehog. But then we got the kitties and I’m pretty sure Girl Cat will try to eat anything I bring home, so it’s just the two of us for now.
I definitely hear you on that up and down front – I would hate going between two total extremes! But, we do what we have to do, I suppose.
I’m sorry living alone sucks right now. I hope it gets better. I think it will. I will say, I experienced something similar. I broke up with The Ex and moved out of my apartment with roomies, thinking I’d love living alone. I liked my own space, but there were SO many nights I would simply cry myself to sleep. I’m talking, BAWLING, under the covers. Being alone was so hard…I had to really face myself. And yes, it’d get boring at times.
But living alone was so good for me. So good. You don’t realize it in the midst of it all, but it happens slowly. And who knows? Maybe in a few months you’ll decide to get a roomie or whatever the case may be. And when you do, I promise you, it’ll be bittersweet. You’ll somehow realize you really grew to love that space that was yours and ONLY yours.
Xoxo, my friend.
I’m hoping that’s exactly what happens, exactly as you’ve described. That sounds like the ideal for sure. (And YES, re: the bawling. So much bawling, haha. I’m telling myself it’s cathartic…?)
xo
Awww. I’m sorry. Yesterday was my 2nd Valentine’s day as a single girl, so I can relate.
Hugs, lady.
it’s funny that you mention all of this. i just got married about 3 months ago and my husband and i are having some problems. we have been doing the distance thing since 3 weeks before the wedding and have been flying to see each other about once a month. we are in the home stretch; however, it seems to be getting more difficult. living alone can be quite difficult (i am undergoing it myself). when there are unwanted emotions to deal with, it is even harder; and sometimes it is easier to ignore them then handle them and sometimes you dont even want to handle them because you’re over the whole damn thing. alls i am saying is we might be in different boats, but they might run a little parallel. and while i have never met you in person, i have been interacting with you digitally for over a year now and just wanted to say, everything will right itself from the f-ed up wrong that it has landed itself in. (no im not an optimist, im a realist)
alls i am saying is i feel you on the sad sack bit. and if you want to meet and drink large amounts of moscato then im totally open to that
Hahaha, no, I totally get this! I’m so sorry you guys are dealing with that, but happy for you that you’re in the home stretch. Long distance is so hard as it is; I can’t imagine doing it with those additional hardships. Wishing you the best, lady friend (and yes, I’m always down for wine time!!)
not sure i stated everything clearly as it is early and im not quite awake. but yea. hope it made sense.
I lived alone for about 3 years, and really enjoyed it to the point that when the fiance and I moved in together in January, I was REALLY nervous about the transition. It’d been awhile since I’d lived with someone, and never a MAN! But, it’s gone surprisingly well, and I have a feeling that if I were to have to go back to living alone, it’d be tough.
You’ll get through it. Just takes time
I’m moving into my own place in two weeks and as an extrovert I have two scenarios in my head: 1. I will love it and never want to live with another living being ever again or 2. I will lose all my energy and never have the will to leave and be social again and then end up alone forever.
I don’t like the ending of either of them so I am going to hope for option 3. Love it and finally feel comfortable in my own space.
We will see what happens.
*hugs* i hope things get easier with the feelings and the lonely
I have never lived alone and currently have five flatmates. I would LOVE to live alone I think. But I understand the missing someone to share stuff with thing. I try to do that with my current flatmates but it doesn’t really work cos they don’t GET me. There are many times I think of something i want to share with my ex and can’t, and it sucks – not because i miss the relationship as such, but its that familiarity i guess…
I was dying to live alone to be honest. But I don’t. I can’t afford rent in this city without housemates
But I do admit my social life has gone crazy now that I’m single. I used to love hanging out and cooking dinner and watching movies together, but by myself (even with housemates) that shit is booooorrring.
I always figured I’d love living alone, but I’m pretty sure I’m too jumpy and would end up huddled in a corner with a broom determined the zombies were trying to get in from the basement or some spastic shit like that. Andrew’s gone for three weeks this summer for training and I’m pretty sure I’m going to totally lose my shit.
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