Many people delight in telling you how guarded they are. How long it takes them to open up to others, and how being burned in the past has caused them to be wary of falling too fast.
Somehow, despite being hurt plenty of times, I never learned to do that. If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, then I’m certifiable. Because I don’t know how to hold anything back.
My “open book” policy in life – online and off – transfers to matters of the heart as well. I’ve had dozens of relationships that didn’t work out, and yet I don’t know how to be wary, or careful, or even wonder if I shouldn’t give all my secrets away.
I have never not been willing to fall in love with reckless abandon. And I’m starting to wondering if this is a problem.
What would happen if I was more cautious? If I tried to take things slow for once in my life? If I kept some secrets inside, instead of spilling my guts at the first opportunity? (I’m talking emotionally here folks, get your heads out of the gutter.)
“Mysterious” has never been one of my descriptors, and I’m wondering if I should give it a shot and see if there’s any pay off.
I don’t even know if I’m capable of it. Holding back just isn’t in my DNA. But I’m beginning to think it might be a worthy experiment.
Update: So about five minutes after hitting publish, I read this in a magazine:
You get me, In Touch.