I did a really, really dumb thing last fall.
And I wasn’t going to tell you all – ever – because it’s pretty embarrassing. It’s a big one, for sure. But, I don’t know – I suppose I’m hoping I’ll feel better if I just shout it out to the e-world, I guess.
And boys, if any of you out there with a Y chromosome are reading this, I would kindly ask that you turn away now. Because any shred of respect you have for me is about to be gone, or at the very least you will be positive that I am 100% batshit (though that may not be as much news as I think it is).
Okay. I’ll just say it.
*deep breath*
Last September, I bought a wedding dress.
I KNOW. I know. I know. I know.
It was dumb, I suppose. Super, even.
But I’d been looking at this stupid dress forever and I was absolutely in love with it and it was ONLY in this little boutique in New York City and I was going to be there anyway to see Nicole and for some reason I just thought it’d be fun to try it on, just for a second, just to see…
And then the designer was THERE and she was just, freaking, delightful and I put the dress on and Nicole started freaking out and I was in awe and doing that awkward teary thing because it was so beautiful and perfect and me and then Leanne (the designer, yes, the one from PROJECTRUNWAYNOBIGDEAL) showed me that the dress had fucking POCKETS and ladies? I died.
I just died.
I heart her and we're besties now. That is all.
And so I bought it. And they ordered it. They were making it all winter while my relationship was ending, and I knew it, but it couldn’t be stopped, so I just pretended it wasn’t happening.
Until I got the email yesterday that it’s ready! You guys! How exciting! Except… yeah.
I know I should be sorry and wish that I hadn’t done it and that I had all those delicious monies back but for some reason… I kind of don’t.
I had a lot of feelings when I put that dress on and fell trulymadlydeeply in love with it – and I loved it for ME. I just loved it, and not because I thought anyone in particular would appreciate it, or find me especially beautiful in it, or see me in it and just know that they couldn’t wait one more second to spend the rest of their life with me. It was kind of the opposite, actually – I realized, (weeks and months later, when I thought about looking at myself in the mirror in that dress and what I felt and what I was thinking about), that that was exactly what was missing.
It may have been a very (very) expensive realization, but somehow, I just don’t regret it. I don’t know what I’ll do with the dress – I may try to sell it, I may save it for another day… should That Day ever come.
But in that moment, it served a very important purpose. Crazy, yes; stupid, undoubtedly. But it is what it is, and though I don’t completely understand why yet, I just don’t feel like it was a mistake.
(That said, we’ll see how I feel when I pick it up and pay the other half of the bill next weekend…)
[Ed. note: It has come to my attention that newbies reading this may not be aware that at this point, the ex and I were most definitely headed towards the altar. Like, within a year or so. This is an important detail. No, I did not buy a wedding dress as a single lady, as great of a story as that would make.]
{ 83 comments }
This is amazing. ALSO I WANT TO SEE IT.
Hahaha. I’ll send you a pic when I pick it up!
Send it to me toooooo!
I will! Maybe I’ll just post it with a PW.
You’re not crazy (as I think you know). You got swept up in the adventure of it all. I don’t ever see wearing a traditional wedding dress, but I’d play dress up any day, especially with a Project Runway designer’s creation. Hope you post a pic! xoxo
A few moments after reading this story, the Jack in the Box, “I’m marrying bacon” commercial came on… and, I thought…. wow… the universe is hilar.
I’ve been watching everything going on with you over the past few months. When the break up happened, I didn’t know you very well, and people either really want people around or don’t want people around or only want certain people around. I didn’t think the odds were in my favour, It was the best way to announce your news, but I was so sad for you. And I am so happy you are blogging again.
You definitely are a very strong person (with a big personality and I can kind of relate to that, quality is definitely > than quantity, from the lessons I’ve learned in the last five years), and I knew you would be fine, but it would take what no one can provide to you – just time.
A break up of a long term relationship just takes a lot of sucky-ass time and, while it is one of the best things you can do for YOU, it is also hurts like hell at odd moments, and feels like you’re going to be alone forever. I know you’re not and that you’ll be okay, and even if you don’t think so, plenty of us are rooting for you…
That said – it’s not THAT crazy to buy a dress that you fell in love with. You may wear it or you may not. You needed to do something completely irrational to deal with the irrational way your world was turning… at least, irrational to your then reality. I don’t know if I’m hoping you wear it eventually or if you decide to go shopping when that day should come around. I’m glad you did something to make you happy, even if it came at a monetary price.
And, if all else fails, you can always marry bacon… ;o)
I think bacon and I would be very, very happy together. Cured meats and I have so much in common – we both love cheese, wine, and fart jokes.
Honestly, thanks for this – it really means a lot to me that you took the time to share all these thoughts and encouragement. There are few worse places to be than in the trenches of a break up, knowing that there’s absolutely nothing you can do to feel better except watch the clock hands go around. But watch them I will, and I’ll get through to the other side too. <3
Does buying a wedding dress when you’re not engaged is more stupid than buying one when you ARE engaged, then regretting what you bought and spending money on yet another one? And then being unable to sell the first one? Because that’s exactly what I did! First dress bought was this one: http://carlarunstheworld.com/2010/05/10/wedding-talk-i-did-it/ the final dress was this one (which I’m still in love with): http://carlarunstheworld.com/2010/12/17/dress/
So yeah, we all make such expensive decisions at some point or another. (And if you know anyone wanting to buy my first dress, I’ll sell it for the same $600 I spent on it!)
First post a picture of you and the dress (if you’re not planning on actually wearing it — and if you are, just send the picture to me bc I still love all things wedding dresses and am super super curious, kthanksbye!).
My opinion? Did you love the dress for the dress, regardless of the man you saw yourself marrying? If yes, I’d say keep it, store it at your parents house (yeah, they’ll make fun, but whatevs), and when the time comes, try it on again and see if it’s still YOU. If it is, there you have it, one less thing to worry about with all the wedding-planning frenzy people go through. If it’s not, then off to wedding dress shopping, which is super fun!
Ohhhh, you did the right thing!! I LIKE the first one. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE the second one. The lace, that sash… and it’s so flattering – you look absolutely beautiful in it.
Good luck selling the first dress! I know if I do sell mine I’ll have to take a serious pay cut on it, so I’m torn… we’ll see.
You’ve read about The Bloggess’s red dress thing, right? This is your red dress. Oh sure, it’s not RED and it’s a wedding dress but it makes you furiously happy and even if you don’t ever wear it to get married in, you love it and you deserve it and so, hell, go to brunch and drink mimosas in it. In fact, buy a tiara and wear it out to do some mundane errands and take note of how people try to reconcile you, in that stunning dress with whatever mundane thing you are doing and just act like this is the kind of thing you do EVERY DAY!
Even better, bring it to BiSC and get your picture taken in it outside of wedding chapels… You can title the photojournal “I know there’s a groom here SOMEWHERE…”
I am thoroughly tickled about the “Accidental Wedding Dress”… This, my friend, is why I adore you… because you are the sort of lady who will buy a wedding dress because you love it and figure out where/when you’ll wear it later. Don’t ever change!
Ha! I do know about the Bloggess’ red dress, but I hadn’t thought of it like that! I suppose that’s exactly what it is, just slightly more ridiculous… I can get behind that.
And bringing it to BiSC might just be a hilariously awesome idea. <3
I kind of love this idea. It would certainly take one thing off the mind when the day should come…
So true!
I am so dumbstruck, my Y chromosome is splitting like wishbone at Thanksgiving!
No, not really. I think it was a fun moment. Maybe not the best financial decision in hindsight, but that is what hindsight is for: to tell you after the fact that you were being stupid.
If nothing else, you can wear it for a big fancy white party that you host on some momentous occasion, like a milestone birthday bash.
You could even crash weddings in it and say things like, “I though WE were getting married today.” Then run out of the church crying and screaming. Sigh…that would make an interesting wedding day for someone…
Ooh…or you can die it black and wear it at funerals. Some in DC would appreciate the pomp.
In any event, you do possess a beautiful one of a kind piece of art from a great designer. Perhaps it will increase in value over the years.
Hahahaha. If even one of these ideas pans out, it will have been worth it. I especially love the wedding-crasher idea…
More people should have the guts to just buy the wedding dress that they want because they love it and they look gorgeous in it, not because someone else thinks it’s great or someone else will love it on them. Also fuck it, you’re awesome, the dress is obviously awesome and also pockets? That kinda shit comes in handy.
POCKETS. How was I supposed to turn that down?!!?! HOW, I SAY!!!!!!!
Wow! I completely understand this actually, and that probably makes me a bit crazy too, but I don’t really care. Things happen for a reason and this dress has a purpose, I know it.
P.S. You totally need to post a picture of you in it! And then you can dance around the house in a dress that makes you feel beautiful just for YOU!
Pictures will definitely be taken when I pick it up!! Not sure if I’ll post them – maybe in a PW protected post.
As a “Say Yes to the Dress” addict, I think this is TOTALLY understandable.
It was completely, totally like that. I totally had my corny ass SYTTD moment, hahaha!
Don’t sell the dress. Not everyone has that kind of a reaction when buying a wedding dress. I sure didn’t! So, keep it in the back of the closet and it’ll get used eventually. You wouldn’t want to risk never having that feeling again.
I adore your logic. To the back of the closet it goes. <3
I love this. I love that this (probably gorgeous and amazing) dress represents hope, in a lot of ways. It’s about looking to the future, even when the “right now” is kind of weird or uncertain. I feel like it definitely wasn’t a mistake and some hilarious/heartwarming/feel-good story will come out of this (more than it already has).. at which point, I promise to buy the book you write about it..
Ha! If some heartwarming, hilarious, book-writing-worthy story comes out of this mess, I will be one happy lady.
I think you should keep it. I don’t know what this says about me that I find this kind of fun and exciting, but I like the idea of having the dress whether it is your future wedding dress or you find another one day down the road. It’s impractical, yet practical. Also, if you wanted to wear it, say, when you’re running across a field one day I think that would be fine too.
And I want to see what it looks like, because it sounds pretty perfect.
“A field”. Like you don’t know *exactly* what that field would be… OUR field!!!!!
I’ll send you a pic when I pick it up! Hopefully it’s just as lovely as I remember…
I don’t think you’re crazy at all.
If you got it for you, then save it for you! You have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in the future. Marriage might happen. Might not happen. Either way, you have a gorgeous dress from the best designer in the world (HOLYEFFINGCRAPPROJECTRUNWAY) that you bought because you really, truly wanted it.
You will also fall in love again with someone perfect for you – and if you get married, heyo, you have a dress. If you guys decide to be in a domestic partnership for an indefinite period of time, heyo, you have a bitching outfit to celebrate your sinful union in. And if you’re fancy and single and having a blast on your own, then holycrap; you have a dress designed by Leanne. LEANNE.
Sometimes dresses just rock. Period. Keep it in your arsenal for life’s future experiences.
I understand if you don’t want to post pictures due to the sensitive nature of this purchase, but inquiring minds would love to see it in all of its glory.
Chin up, Miss.
“If you got it for you, then save it for you!”
That’s actually quite logical and very good advice, IMHO. (Also maybe a little bit what I want to hear, because I love it, but let’s just pretend that’s not part of it, haha.)
I’ll put up a pic after I get it! <3
“Because any shred of respect you have for me is about to be gone, or at the very least you will be positive that I am 100% batshit”
quite the contrary… more respect, in fact. Doing something like that for your sake and because you love the dress is pretty awesome.
D’awww. Well, thanks, dear. I still think it was undeniably crazy, but I suppose that doesn’t mean it was wrong. Life is short, buy a wedding dress!
So, I know a guy who got drunk and ordered himself a wedding RING one time. And had it engraved. And then wore it constantly. Even though he didn’t even have a girlfriend.
My point is, unless you start wearing the dress, like, daily, and pretending to actually be married, then you’re not as weird as that guy.
Also, your reasons are AWESOME and even though that’s a totally expensive and kinda strange way to do something just for yourself – at least you’re owning it. Which is the best part, I think.
I love this analogy. I will always be sane(ish) as long as there are true CrazyPants Magees out there like this guy to compare myself to.
<3
Just don’t leave it in hanging in the hall closet where the next guy you bring home sees it, freaks the hell out, and suddenly remembers he has to wash his hair.
…just sayin
Ha. Yes, trust me, that will not be happening.
I say enjoy it! If you love it and look gorgeous in it, why deny yourself because you haven’t found Mr. Right yet? It’s like that whole right hand diamond ring campaign–why let owning and enjoying something beautiful hinge on a guy and a marriage that may or may not end up being a forever thing? Enjoy and hire a photographer to take some fab pictures of you in it–just don’t do the ruin the dress photo shoot!
YES. It is totally like that!! Except that it’s less acceptable to wear it in public, haha. Maybe I should trade it in for one of those right hand diamond rings…
You bought it for you. You shouldn’t feel bad about that. If you loved the dress, you’ll probably still love it when you’re in the right relationship. And I just know you’re going to have a good reason to wear it
I hope you’re right!
Holy shit. This is amazing. Keep that dress, woman!!
I think I’m going to. Because if you’re going to do something crazy, why not do it ALL the way?
Okay, some people might disagree with me but SO WHAT? Like you said, you fell in love with YOURSELF in that dress, not just the idea of some specific person waiting for you at the end of the aisle. I say keep it until you decide you no longer love it as much as you did OR you have someone to marry and you put the dress on and realize it is not right for that moment. Hell, I would put it on once a week and dance around my apartment if I were you because I have spent so much of my post-wedding days being pregnant and/or post-pregnant fat, that I have never frolicked in my gown, and I PROMISED myself I would. FROLIC, and enjoy that expensive dress!
You should just wear it anyway, because it has pockets and you can carry stuff like your keys in it. That’s totally practical. I’d also like to see what it looks like, because I’m super nosy about that sort of thing.
The only time I ever stepped foot in a bridal shop was to try on dresses for fun… I was nowhere near engaged. I do not blame you at all for buying one! (I bought my actual dress online. Less fun, but way cheaper.)
Honestly, the fact that you felt truly beautiful in it is freaking awesome and SO important. As lame as it sounds, you really do get a special feeling when you try *the dress* on. Some people don’t get that feeling, and they end up settling. So what if you can’t wear it right now? You loved it, and you loved yourself in it…and it’s done. You can’t go back in time and change what you did, even if you wanted to, so why not embrace it and enjoy the prettiness
Turn it into your travelling red dress! http://thebloggess.com/2012/01/the-traveling-red-dress-revisited/
It’s perfect. Something extravagant you purchased for YOU because it is perfect for YOU that made you realize something about YOURSELF. Also, I want pictures
No, not crazy. I totally get that and for some reason in that moment, it felt right. Can’t ignore that.
So I totally want to see this dress!! Custom made for YOU!
Have you done something lately that would’ve made us think you’re less than 100 percent crazy? That you’re anything other than the Rachel we know and love? And, not that I’m suggesting you do any of these, but have you ever seen this guy’s blog and book, “101 Uses For My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress” (http://myexwifesweddingdress.com/). There’s some funny stuff in there.
Also, there are worse things you could have bought at that point in your relationship. For instance, baby clothes…
It was an expensive lesson, I’m sure but it sounds like it was well worth it. And to find a dress that looks amazing on you and makes you feel like that…well, it’s worth it no matter what the occasion is.
What girl can resist a dress that is and makes them feel beautiful. I would save it. It sounds like an awesome dress. I say wear it out and drink fancy drinks in it.
You got it for you, you love it so much that you HAD TO HAVE it, so I’d say keep it for you. Also, I love that you did this. People should in general do more things like this for themselves. It might seem silly, but it’s not. It’s amazing.
I had a Vera Wang moment like that…It was going to be my reception dress until I realized that I had no time to change. Ha! Leanne is an amazing designer…Cherish that bad boy!
We all do some crazy things from time to time. If you loved yourself in it, that’s what matters.
also – PICTURES
yknow, we all do crazy, completely stupid and even asinine things at times. but we all do them for the same reason. happiness or seeking happiness or desire there of. whatevs. the fact is, you are NOT crazy for doing this, and if you still think you are, look at it this way: at least you didnt book the venue…. (there are always worse things)
and i had no idea about the break-up until you started blogging again because we are virtual friends. but i know these things are tough and they suck. i took a 2 year sabbatical from men and drowned my sorrows in some very unhealthy things to get through my breakup (was with him for 3 years….), so i guess if all you did was buy a dress, then you are worlds ahead of many people and i am happy to be able to follow your exploits once again on your blog.
Umm you will definitely have to post a picture!!
I love the Bloggess/red dress idea!
I don’t see a real problem here. If you still really like it and you can afford keeping it, i think you should. If it’s not used for a wedding, Maybe at some point you’ll go to some really really fancy dress party and you could use it there. Or maybe you’ll act in a movie or video some day where you need a wedding dress. Or maybe it’s just something very special in your closet that’ll remind you of a wonderful time in new york city with a friend and the experience of meeting the actual designer of your dress.
What i’m trying to say here, There’s plenty of uses for a wedding dress besides an actual wedding.
Girl, shit happens. I practically had my wedding planned before I broke up with the Ex. For me, I think I was trying to hold onto something that wasn’t right.
Look at it this way…yes, maybe buying the dress was a little preemptive. But that’s a WHOLE lot better than marrying someone who isn’t right for you. I’d rather have a dress I don’t need right now than a man I’m not happy with. If the dress makes you sad, have a family member store it for you. I gave all my wedding planning books away. Couldn’t take looking at them.
I don’t think it’s stupid at all!!! Keep it! And if it turns out to still be your dream dress when your day arrives you are one step ahead! And I want to see a pic too!!! I’m sure you look absolutely gorg!!
Not much I can say that everyone else hasn’t already, but clearly the dress showed you something about yourself that you might not have found (or found when you did) without it, so clearly it was something you should have done.
I also second all the requests for PICTURES.
Yup, definitely keep that dress! My bestie bought a wedding dress while in one relationship for the same reasons, because she loved it and it made her happy and she was beautiful in it. No association with that relationship whatsoever for her. It was all about her. AND she wore it when she married her husband of 4 years and they are ridiculously happy.
I admire your balls to buy something you love that may be perceived as a not so sane thing to do.
If you decide not to store it for later, you can always pull a Monica and wear it around the house all the time:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5MN7Q3sD8o
There are so many reasons I am 100% behind this, however crazy it may be. I love it! I think no matter what you have a dress that you are so in love with, & it has tons of meaning behind it which is even better.
I think you’re fantastic. & you should just wear it whenever you get an inkling. Do it.
You know, I almost did the same thing once, so your post was a nice moment for me to stop and reflect too! Good for you for doing it.. and telling about it. I also add to the requests for pictures! And, if you want to get the dress off of your hands, I would love to take a look at it!
There are so many worse things you could have done with your money than buy THE PERFECT DRESS …! Adding my voice to the chorus of “PICS PLEASE!”
I LOVE this post. Yes. You bought it for you, and that is absolutely reason enough. (Also, that’s all the parking and speeding tickets you didn’t get so, okay, one gorgeous dress instead!)
It’s not that weird. Liz Lemon did it.
I need to see this gorgeous dress immeds!
Also, still don’t think your crazy.
I say wear it around the house a la Monica & Phoebe in Friends. Before I stored my wedding dresses (yeah, plural), I would try mine on and sit in my bedroom & feel happy. If it makes you feel gorgeous, who cares if it’s for a wedding or not?
the dress sounds so perfect for you! and i don’t think it’s silly at all that you bought it. i think you should keep it… you just never know! do you think it’d be “the one” as far as dresses go, when it’s your turn to walk down the aisle?
ps – i wanna see this dress!
Every chick in the world should cross their fingers in hopes of looking as incredible on their wedding day as you looked just TRYING THAT DRESS ON IN THE SHOP.
Which is to say: if you sell it, I think I might have to kill you.
<3
Oh, sweetie, we all make expensive mistakes finding out answers. Hang on to it for a little while and then sell it.
Well, at least you’ll be ready in the event that you need to elope. Tomorrow. lol
I don’t think you’re crazy; it sounds more like finding the right dress at the wrong time. (Or maybe not, winding-down relationships are painful). I also love its comic potential if a future beau were to stumble upon it early in a relationship.
You know what, good for you! (Many) Wedding dresses are beautiful and we have all seen one (or twenty) that we would love to own. If we all had some money to burn and found that perfect dress we would buy one, if no one found out of course.
It’s sad really. All those gorgeous dresses wasted on people who aren’t all that great or horrible even. You deserve to have that gorgeous dress, just don’t tie it to the relationship that has ended because well, you know – that might make it a sad dress. Enjoy it for what it is, a gorgeous dress that you were ballsy enough to purchase. Also, like everyone else…I want to see it!
Maybe you can shorten it and wear it again! Hey, it allegedly works for bridesmaid dresses. :p
At the very least, it could be the world’s most gorgeous (and expensive!) Halloween costume.
I sort of love the idea of buying a dress just because you loved it.
Maybe you’ll use it in the future or maybe you won’t, but you did what you wanted, when you wanted, for you….and thats whats important.
As many other people have said, I don’t think you’re crazy at all! In the moment, it was right, and hey…the dress is potentially still right! Perhaps it is the pack rat in me, but I would totally hold on to it: it obviously means a lot to you (and how cool that Leanne designed it – loved her on PR!). I would probably end up hanging on to the dress and when/if the day comes around that you would be thinking about a wedding dress again, you will have the option there to go with that dress or with a new one. Heck…if you didn’t end up wanting to wear that dress as a wedding gown down the road, I would totally look into having it refashioned/dyed into a dress that you can wear regularly…depending on the style of course! I totally want to see a picture of it!
I agree that this isn’t crazy. Though I’m not in a relationship if I found what I perceived as the perfect wedding dress for me I would totally buy it. You never know when things will happen and lately I’ve been learning a lot that I need to do things for me more often. So I’ll send you a big loud “Hells Yeah!” and can’t wait to see how gorgeous it is
this dress sounds magical and the pockets definitely solidify awesomeness and i vote keep it. you can just wear it around a la Friends (also just read that Jenn said the same thing, so clearly it’s a good idea).
also no judging the crazy, we all have a little bit of it. or a lot. either way. it’s alright. and i heart you big time.
awww yay… and ouch. i say you throw yourself an “i bought this mf-ing dress and look fabulous so bring me wine” party
I love the dress- it is perfect for you! I am in a slightly different predicament because I bought my dress when I was planning my wedding but similar situation. It is due to come in any day. but now that things have changed – I don’t know if I should pay the other half of the bill & keep it for my future hypothetical wedding or have the store keep it and save the money and just lose my deposit. I love the dress but is it weird to save a dress that I bought for the other guy? I can figure out what your thoughts are – but I wanted to share that I TOTALLY GET IT!
Despite the warning, I kept reading. And, honestly, I don’t think it’s so crazy.
In addition to setting off an epiphany, it is one less thing you’ll have to do now when you get married.
One less soul-sucking thing.
If you love the dress, that’s all that matters. I spent my entire wedding day in a dress that I was just ‘meh’ about. If I could change anything about my nuptials, that would be it. So, who cares what people think. When you find The Dress and you love it and you love yourself in it, just buy it! You have nothing to be ashamed about here. This doesn’t make you crazy. This makes you the smartest woman I know.