~So. Remember that time I promise you an amazing surprise today? Um, well…
I lied.
Not on purpose, trust- no one is more disappointed than me that we have to wait… but it’s only a couple days, chickadees. I promise by the end of this week, you shall be privy to my fantabulous news…
*cue suspenseful music, slash, me feeling like a total ahole* ~
Anyway, back to our regular programming for the time being…
You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!
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B’s friend K is over and showing us his stylish new glasses, or as he calls them, his “FIRIN’ GLASSES.”
Firin' glasses.
K: Do you guys have glasses?
B: Yeah, I had glasses once. But then I lost them so I never got them again. They make your eyes weaker. Fuck that noise. I’m a MAN!!!
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As I’ve mentioned, this Friday is our two-year anniversary. My present for B is stashed in my closet, but his present for me hasn’t come yet. Not being someone who can ever wait for anything, I’ve been begging him to let me give him his since it arrived…
Me: Pleeeeeeeeeease can I give you your present?
B: No!
*We’re watching Tosh.0, as they feature a video mocking homeless people*
B: Did you get me a homeless person?
Me: No, but that’d be AWESOME. Then we’d have a dishwasher!!!
I know. So wrong. Blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol…
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A smelly B arrives home from his soccer game, and I have a flashback to the last time he came home, which somehow resulted in his vile soccer socks being draped over my (yes, still unpacked) luggage bag from Vegas.
Me: Don’t you put your dirty soccer socks on my suitcase this time!!!
B: *shrugs* I can’t help it, baby, that’s the Drying Place!
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Trying to find a new show on Netflix Watch Instantly, we stumble across “Satisfaction,” a series featuring the working gals of an Australian brothel.
Me: Um, I’m not so sure about this one.
B: You’re always so against me wanting to see 18 year old shirtless girls! You never support any of my hobbies!
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My present better be something amazeballs.
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If it makes you feel better, I can preview “Satisfaction” for you to see if it’s B-appropriate.
FYI…it may take several viewings.
Just keep the Jergen’s handy.
LOL so wrong but so hilarious. Can’t WAIT for the surprise!
You and me both, lover!
I figured out what the surprise is. Yes. I am that damn good.
*wiggles eyebrows questioningly*
Funny! Love the convos.
Me too.
Damn you! I even put it into my iPhone calendar, which I NEVER use. NEVER!
Ahhhhh, the suspense of it all!!!
I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I promise, by the end of the week…
A dishwasher! That’s funny and terrible at the same time!
It’s what we do.
Homeless people make HORRIBLE dishwashers.
This is a mistake I will never repeat.
I just thought of so many horrible replies to this, but for once, I will refrain. SO HARD
What would happen if you got TWO homeless people?
Easy. No more laundry! That would also solve the problem of the soccer socks!
HAHAHAHAHAHA shiz my boyfriend says is my favorite. i actually just got really excited when i saw the prompt.
lol my life…
Haha! I am a giver.
Well I think you should start supporting him more,,tee hee…I loved that line!!
He does indignance well. Very well.
haha.
I actually really like satisfaction. The story lines are interesting.
We watched the first couple episodes of Season 2. “Interesting” is definitely the right word…
Obviously, this is NOT where I tell you that my shiz from Vegas is still packed. Because I’m a responsible adult, yo.
But yeah, I was on a mad search for my tennis shoes the other day…and they were still in my suitcase. But SANS B’s sweaty socks.
Luckyyyyyyyyyyy.
I am terrible at keeping gifts to myself. As soon as I get one for Patrick, I immediately want to give it to him. I’ve had to start keeping them at my office so I don’t do that.
Not a bad idea. Though I doubt even that would stop be. I am a gift-giving FORCE, yo.
Happy anniversary!! You should really write a book and call it “Quotes by B”.
Ha! I think we’d have to give him a better name for a book. Hmmm.
Stinky socks should go straight into a plastic bag and zipped up only to be taken out by B on wash day. BLECH.
Excuse me while I get you his email.
@k8,
Oh no! You can’t put them in a sealed bag they will breed horrible mutant…horrible mutant…oh! horrible mutant…things! I am without words for it, but I am a 40 yr old mom with two kids…trust me on this one. If you want to separate, good idea, but breathable mesh bag hon. Breathable.
Also Lilu dearest-I started a new blog about health and fitness, please come check me out, and for sure suggest topics you’d like to discuss/have me research. It is nothing like inittogymit so no conflict. http://additin.blogspot.com/
Oh, awesome! Can’t wait to head over
but would he be a smelly dishwasher?
perhaps.
No worse than the soccer socks.
Umm yeah the socks thing I would grab them with tongs I could esaily dispose of and place them over his pillow on the bed and go NEw drying place.. HA
Oooo, you’re evil.
I LIKE IT.
My husband is exactly like you. My birthday is June 25, and he bought a gift last week. He walked in the door basically begging me to open it RIGHT.THIS.MINUTE because it was such an awesome gift. I refused
Clearly, you and B are both the devil.
THAT IS ALL.
Homeless people are the must-have gift this season.
They even come in colors!
Oh oh, too far…
Congratulations, Lilu and B! I totally support his interest for satisfaction. I’d ogle at them shirtless 18-year olds, too.
It’s not that I blame him. But we don’t have to *share* ALL our hobbies, perhaps?
So there I was, getting ready for my day and I was like OMG it’s the 14th! I can finnnnnnaaaaaaallllllly find out the secret!! Needless to say, I’m sad. But it’s ok, I bounce back easily!
Wednesday. Or Thursday.
I promise at least by Friday.
(I’m a horrible person.)
I’m mad at you for our lack of surprise. The Shiz is ALMOST an acceptable distraction, however.
Your heartstrings. I play them.
Oh man, I bet that Aussie show is gold. The description REEKS of classiness and not at all of molls with neck tatts and the herp.
It actually wasn’t bad. And by “not bad” I mean an entertaining shitshow of murder, intrigue, and sexy STDs.
No surprise yet?! Ahh it’s okay, you’re worth the wait
and I’m sure the surprise is toooo. The comment about the homeless man dishwasher made me laugh way too hard (luckily no one is home hehe). Happy early anniversary yipee!
I thought it might be over the line, but in my heart I knew you guys could handle it.
After all, we’re all laughing behind our monitors. Totally innocent.
And thanks, lovemuffin!
Such a shitty girlfriend, not supporting his hobbies..lol
Right?? I am just the WORST.
Yes, he is a keeper!!! All men are like that. The ones that aren’t are only pretending.
So, so true.
You’re not knocked up, are you?
Not with a human.
What?
You dirty dirty tease!
You like it.
oh, benefits to living alone include no more random disgusting pieces of boy-clothing where they don’t belong. it’s all about silver linings…
congrats on the anniversary!
I think his soccer socks may have had a silver lining.
You know, of filth.
You don’t even know how many times, not even under the influence of the alcohol, that I’ve wondered if it would be okay to offer a local vagabond-ish, person-without-home type money for cleaning my house. I think the chances of getting robbed that day or later are pretty slim. Really.
Lord, I apologize. I just really hate cleaning.
You KNOW he has some minions doing his laundry. How else is his toga always so bleach-white?!
*burning in hell*
Happy Anniversary, woot woot. I’m gonna go out and get me a homeless person…there’s one on my corner and I’m tired of tripping over her vodka bottles. She could at least share. I’ll just put her to work.
Make sure you bring a leash. They tend to be runners.
OMG I CAN’T BE STOPPED
Some how guys never get all curious and excited about gifts. Some times i feel like whats the point even getting them you know
Happy anniversary, lovely! Can’t wait to find out what B got for you
Ahhh! I can’t stand the suspense!
I hope B has something FABULOUS for you – something fab and sparkly. All anniversary gifts should be sparkly.
I can’t wait for the suprise! Really. I’ve been trying to guess what it is.
I think if you get a homeless person do your dishes, they would just throw the dirty dishes out.
And HOW can you NOT support his hobbies?? Bad. Bad. Bad.
Oh! Happy anniversary!!!!!!
;D
i read ‘hobbies’ as ‘boobies’ in that last one. yeah, apparently i’m a twelve year old boy.
Glasses ARE unmanly! Why is that?!
how could Ian have figured out the surprise? I’m intrigued… anyway, I kind of hope I get to meet B in July because after all these posts I’m pretty sure he deserves a high-five and a beer (and, ok, maybe because I’d like to witness something he says that winds up on the blog in person, too
)
Can’t wait to learn more about the surprise!
your poor stinky luggage!!!
hey.. our anniversary. is on thurday… we gotta live up this wkend!
Jeez girl just support his hobbies already! Ha!
shoot, a homeless person is an awesome gift idea. its free and you can make then do work around the house for some ramon noodles!
i wish my cats would do some freaking work for all the food I feed them.
Honestly, where did you get this guy?! hahaha
I love it. And you are right – your present had BETTER be amaze-balls!
(You need to tell me more about this potential LDR you are going to be in too come fall….)
LMAO, ahahahaha your boyfriend is a funny guy
I know it’s mean, but I lol’ed at the dishwasher comment as well. Not a bad idea! jkjk
I hope the anniversary present he gets you is damn amazing
A homeless person? Really dear?
Although I did imagine a scruffy looking midget hiding in a closet. And laughed.
HA HA HA HA!!! LOVE IT!
This is probably my favorite blog series by far. You guys are hilarious!
And I’m so, so, SO excited about this surprised! And intrigued!
Shouldn’t he drape the dirty socks on Murray or Axe Murder? Or does that not go over well with them? What?
My next boyfriend needs to be like B!
You’re damn right he better give you a freakin’ awesome present!
maybe he got you a homeless person? destiny.
also: DAMN YOU AND YOUR SECRETS.
my wife is the SAME way in regards to presents and not being able to wait.
this entire post is friggin hilarious!
the best part was the ‘fuck that noise’ part! lol
there’s nothing offensive about using homeless people as dishwashers. it’s very eco friendly. you’re helping the environment!
“Yeah, I had glasses once. But then I lost them so I never got them again. They make your eyes weaker. Fuck that noise. I’m a MAN!!!”
My wife would say this shiz your bf says is the shiz her husband says, as I squint really hard trying to avoid pedestrians and road signs.
Hilarious blog you’ve got here!
LMAO I loved this!! You and your boyfriend are HILARIOUS together. Congrats on the anniversary!
lol these always make me laugh so hard!
B’s gift is from the skymall magazine huh?
So freaking funny. Especially the one about the homeless person.
I keep trying to tell the wife when you have someone as amazingly quotable (as both you and she clearly do) that is present enough.
ummm can i just say i friggen love your blog?? I am from about 25 min outside of Worcester and moving to the south in just about 3 months (AH!) – i LOVE your phrase “southified masshole.” I may just steal (but obviously credit) that
Looking forward to following!
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