~Hey! Are you reading this in a Reader? That’s cool… don’t want the man to see you being lazy, for sure. But do me a wee favor and click here, just for a second, if you don’t mind… *vague and mysterious ftw*~
So! My (23 year old) baby sister joined the rat race a few weeks ago. Though we both built character worked through college, she was in restaurants and bank teller-ing, so she’s never had the full-fledged “Office Space” experience before.
It’s been beyond hilarious for me to witness her (via many gchat conversations) discover all the horrible things that come along with the cubicle farm environment, like crotchety old coworkers, bathroom trials and tribulations (the stand-off!!!), pretending to looking busy, avoiding getting dragged into a “lunch group,” etc. etc.
One of the biggest things we both despise about working with people-we-didn’t-choose in a professional setting is, of course, the small talk.
OH GOD, the small talk. If I could banish its existence from this world, I would. I would make everyone’s mouth disappear the moment they tried to talk about the weather, or their kid’s birthday party, or their irritable bowel syndrome.
It would be magical.
But alas, I have no unicorn to speak of, and so we must suffer through it.
Anyhoo, as she was mocking her coworkers yesterday for their endless droning on about insignificant stuff ‘n things, the following conversation ensued…
Lil Sis: seriously, they’re talking about fucking BJs right now
like literally what things costme: who!
Lil Sis: work people
me: *silence*
Lil Sis: You can get 14 bars of Lever soap for like $7!
me: OH
oh my god.Lil Sis: RIGHT?
me: um… NOT what i thought you meant when you said BJs.
Lil Sis: ooooo hahahahaha
Apparently, I’ve been away from Massachusetts so long, I’ve forgotten that BJ’s can also mean this:
I kill myself.
Also, now I’m kind of wondering about what they cost.
And not the wholesale kind.
P.S. Thanks to DC Blogs for the shout-out to my neon orange Jersey Shore tribute/condemnation yesterday!
(I’m probably bipolar.)
{ 1 trackback }
{ 83 comments }
LMAO!!! Oh God, I really have to STOP drinking coffee when I read you in the morning, OMG, I almost died, I choked up so much coffee.
1) That conversation would have been me, if I had a little sister.
2) And you KNOW, how much I hate small talk. You know. We all need a jar of unicorn farts for that one.
Or some fairy dust. SOMETHING.
T. The Destructor´s last blog ..I might as well hang it up now, right?
T. The Destructor Reply:
June 9th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
@T. The Destructor,
Oh and I almost said, “bed you” instead of “read you” THREE TIMES. I had to erase and start again. What the hell was I thinking about this morning?
T. The Destructor´s last blog ..I might as well hang it up now, right?
Only you would come up with such a clever title. Only you. Love it. Oh yeah – reply to this shiz, I gots a question for you.
Done and done!
Ian´s last blog ..Monday Minute – the Kid Edition
If you’re buying BJs wholesale, you’re either doing something really right or really wrong. :p
What if you buy BJs wholesale at BJs?
*mind boggle*
Hope´s last blog ..NYC Pics!
That’s hilarious. I just got a summer job in an office and I’m learning all the same things. Except, small talk doesn’t bother me that much. It beats awkward silence! lol
I love you, but I’m glad we don’t work together.
HAHAHA!!!
Love it!
You and me both!
Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos´s last blog ..♥Pour Your Heart Out – Sister Edition
I agree about small talk. 1000%. I wrote about it last year: http://www.dogsandwine.com/your-perkiness-offends-me/
When I first started living in Boston and people would talk about BJs, I just thought it was like… a REALLY liberal city. Took me awhile to figure out what they were actually referring to. :-X
See, this is why I heart you.
BJ’s is the perfect place to buy things in bulk.
But you usually have to hang around out back at the really seedy one because that’s where you get all the good two-for-one deals.
I believe I’m showing my hand.
And it’s moving vigorously up and do- HEY!!
moooooog35´s last blog ..There’s Some Plastic Fornication Going On Here
Alyxherself Reply:
June 9th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
@moooooog35,
ok, now that lilu has brought it up (twss)…I gotta know, did you happen to catch if it was the hand that has the little eyes and mouth on it like his avatar?
Too much?
Alyxherself´s last blog ..Enjoy.
Haha we have a few different restaurants called “BJ’s” and I always get a little confused or giggly when people want to eat there. Oh our pretty little heads.
We are eleven. It’s official.
carissa´s last blog ..I Made it fools! I survived! And other realllllly interesting things.
We don’t have BJ’s here. We do, however, have Dick’s, so that would have been just as awesome.
They should put a BJ’s INSIDE a Dick’s!
Can’t handle… too much twss…
Kristina P.´s last blog ..Babies R Us
Alyxherself Reply:
June 9th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
@Kristina P.,
lilu! you forgot no homo.
Alyxherself´s last blog ..Enjoy.
I have to say I had to reread that as well. Too funny!!!
See?? I’m not the only perv! I mean… love you!
I had NO clue what was going on there. I was all confused – WHAT DOES SOAP HAVE TO DO WITH PAYING FOR BJs? (Cause I’m pretty sure those people on Cops that are selling or buying it aren’t big fans of the Lever.)
I work in the middle of Conservative Land, so small talk is *always* political, and not the kind where people debate and politely agree to disagree. Just the kind where they talk about those dirty ‘libruls’ that are making our country socialist and our Muslim president that’s going to go terrorist one of these days. I would welcome a conversation on Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
LMAO!!! If it was different kind of BJ, that would definitely be small talk that is worth eavesdropping on!
That would not be small talk. That would be AWESOME TALK.
Nikki´s last blog ..LUUUUCCYYYY… You got some ‘splainin to do
OMG really thought you were talking about BJ’s, not the wholesale club. And I am now also wondering what the going-rate is these days.
Right?! I bet Wikipedia knows.
Or Tila Tequila.
I saw a chick on intervention once give bjs for like, 25 bucks, but she was also a crackhead, and would do 5 or 10 a night.
i really cant think of anything more disgusting to do to complete strangers. Im all for it. just not with strange peener. euw!
I totally saw that Intervention. It should have scarred me for life, but I was too busy laughing.
< --- EVIL
What IS the going rate for a BJ?
Right!? Inquiring minds want to know!
k8´s last blog ..Blogger Was Broken
honestly? a store named BJ’s?! *blinking owlishly*
and my sister (23yo bartender) doesn’t get why i can’t/don’t leave work exactly at 5:30. she’s all, isn’t that when your day ends? im like, i can’t just LEAVE, sometimes i have more stuff to do! im not a factory worker! if she ever works in an office (doubtful) she’ll be disillusioned really quickly!
Her time will come, my dear. Her time will come.
Lusty Reader´s last blog ..Library loot: I’ve got a Fever
I was wondering where you were going with this BJ’s thing because with you I never know! lol
I’m just a bag of tricks.
No BJs in here, though…
First of all I must say trying to read blogs and comment with a 2 year old on my lap is just ridiculous!
Secondly…I hate small talk at work! I just like to get my work done and then people need to leave me alone! I’ve never worked in an office…I work with people…I love my patients and will shoot the shit with them for hours, but co-workers?? NOT!!
Weird, that’s the opposite of being a bartender. I mean, we TALKED to the customers, but then we’d go make fun of them together behind their backs.
What?
Terry´s last blog ..Kangaroo THIS!
Hahahahahaha!
Thanks for the laugh this morning!!
Totes magotes!
Mike129´s last blog ..Business Travel Travails
too funny!!!
I thought so.
caroline´s last blog ..BIRTHDAY WHATEVER’S!
For the record, when I read your Lil Sis’ first line there, I thought she was talking about the other type of BJs as well. My first thought was, “That can’t be work appropriate. Where does she work?” And then my second thought was, “Why is this bothering her? Is she a prude? I would totally participate in that convo.”
Having convos via texting/messaging are so often misunderstood and entertaining. Love it!
Your train of thought and my train of thought should make babies together.
April´s last blog ..Random Shit Tuesday
LOL! I was curious to know how much they cost too! ROF. You know, incase I want to start a new profession! LMAO!
It’s good to have a fallback.
hillbillyduhn´s last blog ..Poop Dives
It is sad…I actually knew she was talking about BJ’s the store when I read that…BUT knew where your little mind was going!!
At my first office job in Boston, the secretaries would get together and talk about Costco and BJ’s and compare who found the best prices at each one. The lady next to me would buy another secretary a 5 pound bag of gummy bears once a month when she did her monthly trip to Costcos. I have still not been to one.
I would say with the economy the other kind of BJ’s are going rather cheap these days. I charge my husband a full tank of gas…for my car. That shit is expensive!
I’ve never been to any kind of wholesale store, which is a shame, because I imagine it to be like People of Walmart times 1000.
LMFAO! Not the BJ I thought she meant either. Haha. We don’t have BJ’s Wholesale Club here so….
That was totally my argument! Except I grew up there, so it’s a little holey.
Twss.
Gnetch´s last blog ..The Awesome TV Shopping Network
damnit I thought it was going to be about the good bjs!
now I have to call my wife at work and trick her into talking about blow jobs!
I assume no responsibility for her reaction.
Yeahhhh… I was confused until I read further b/c I totally took the BJ meaning you initially did…
I mean… WHO WOULDN’T?! Am I right?
We have BJ’s Wholesale Clubs around here (it’s my family’s wholesale club of choice!), and trust me, when my brother and I were teenagers, it suddenly went from simply being a place we shopped at to something HILARIOUS. And we haven’t really been able to take it seriously since then.
The same is also true of Dick’s Sporting Goods.
*snarf* *giggle*
Cait´s last blog ..video game girl.
Well that explains why the lady on the street who climbed into my pickup truck handed me a grocery bag.
ZIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
Eric´s last blog ..Consider the Ivy (Pensiamo di Edera)
I have never heard of a place called BJ’s, I was waiting with baited breath on pricing!
Tee-hee.
Skylers Dad´s last blog ..Gather around kiddies and let Sky-Pappy tell you a tale…
Okay THANK YOU for clearing up what it actually was because I was wondering if a “bar of Lever” was some kind of sex toy. Involving leverage or something. #KeepMeOffTheInternet
Emily Jane´s last blog ..2 Years. Or 7, depending on where you start
I was right there with you on the whole BJ thing. I was so confused! I don’t think we have those stores around here.
debbie´s last blog ..Art Appreciation
I think small talk is super funny. Like somebody starts in on the weather and I’m like “really?” Or they go “What’s up?” and I tell them some random fact or something that I learned…keepin’ it fresh, or whatever. At my work, the water cooler talk is more likely to be about REAL BJs though…one of the perks of the job I suppose?
so. i know the answer to your question. but before that, i was on the same page as you and trying REALLY HARD to figure out what bj’s and soap had to do with each other. the only thing that came to mind was a scene from the bunny ranch movie…
anytwaddle: the going rate for a bj in washington state approximately 7 years ago in the back of a rural gas station was $20. this is information i found out RIGHT BEFORE starting my divorce. although, to be fair, it was never really cleared up if that included a red bull and gas station hot dog or if that was just for the services…so…you know…maybe 17.95. after tax.
Ha, I didn’t even realize that BJs was a store. That’s hilarious.
Love the new look! The background pattern is gorgeous!
i do that EVERY TIME someone mentions that store. we also have a huge contract w/them at my office, which is FUCKING AWESOME. (for me. because i’m 12.)
Alice´s last blog ..hello! i suck at health.
I have not been to the Northeast in too long. I, too, mistook “BJ’s” for something else.
Lordy, I do not miss the small talk at all. And in the elevator? Oh, the hell that was small talk in the elevator.
LesleyG´s last blog ..The energy theory… or something a lot like it
I have a whole theory of economics related to BJs (the sex act, not the store). I heard a comedian say once that BJs were recession-proof, because in 1960 a BJ cost $20, and in 2010 a BJ costs $20.
However, if you take into account inflation, a BJ was actually *much* more expensive in 1960.
What happened? Supply increased. Demand stayed the same.
The end. You’re welcome.
Jane´s last blog ..Because I’m starting to miss college football
I live in Worcester and we talk about BJs in the office too, but it really is b!0w j0b$ and once it really was in the office. Keeps things lively!
But your story reminds of the time my mother-in-law tried to look up a restaurant called the Cock n Bull on the internet – and she was very confused by what the search brought up.
Girly´s last blog ..Ramblings About the Ex
I was wondering where the heck does your lil sis work that they discuss how much blow jobs cost?
Michelle (bikramyogachick)´s last blog ..Day 5: I get by with a little help from my **smokin’ hot** yoga friends
I was totally confused wondering if “bars of Lever” was a new craigslist lingo term instead of “roses.” But obviously I was wrong as well.
Poor thing, hope she can handle life in the Office Space (I hate small talk too)!
Nora´s last blog ..Letters: Russell Brand, Fish Wire, Libraries, Knees and more
I am pretty much constantly wishing I could remove people’s voice boxes at the office… Or at least have a remote to mute them all… That would be fantastic.
And even if I had ever known of the existence of BJ’s the store, it never would have crossed my mind that the people were discussing that. Because my brain doesn’t like to play with appropriateness….
She needs to get with the greatest cubicle tradition of all time.
Throwing mini footballs at people over the walls.
Hilarity will ensue. Also HR will be calling. But we can deal with them later.
Rahul´s last blog ..Are You Speaking My Language?
We talk about that kind of stuff at work actually…I bet my coworkers could tell you how much they cost in Washington State. We’re all immature and can’t say “just put it in my box” without laughing.
Nikki´s last blog ..True Blood starts Sunday!
I always thought BJs was a very bad (though memorable) name for a store…
Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..Sound Byte: The Next Generation of Paris and Lindsay
LMAO! I shop at BJ’s, and I still had the same train of thought you did LiLu!
Jen´s last blog ..Take me away!
Dying! I am in Mass and the first thing that came to mind was def not shopping for Lever.
Kelly´s last blog ..SATC
haahaha. Totally did a double take when i read that.
Vie´s last blog ..Things I Can’t Forgive Right Now
haha that’s not the kind of bj’s i was thinking of either lol
Delilah´s last blog ..Dressing the Part
hahahhaha! I was really shocked at first. In Ecuador the grocery stores are called Super Maxi and the larger versions of them are called Mega Maxi. No Joke. I laughed every time.
Grace´s last blog ..The Highs and The Lows
LOL, I have a dirty mind too because I thought the same thing!
Barbara´s last blog ..Habits
Hilarious!!
So, I live in Ireland, in Europe, where the store BJs does not exist at all. If it did, I can guarantee you within a day of it’s opening there would be a violent catholic protest over the blatant sexual reference AND there would be penis graffiti covering the exterior. We are a diverse bunch here in Ireland.
Loved the post
Herself´s last blog ..Randomosity
I remember BJ’s! I always asked my mom what the difference between BJs and Costco was…I think one time she told me BJs was lower quality.
LOWER QUALITY? Than Costco?! Tell me getting eight frozen chickens for $50 doesn’t mean you’re also getting low quality…
J´s last blog ..No So Much A Bang As a Whimper…
That’s not what I thought she meant by BJs either! OMFG! I was like, “WHAT!?!”
Krysten´s last blog ..Where I Live Wednesday – Victoria, BC, Canada
If I never have to pretend to be interested in a story about someone’s annoying fucking kid again…. it will be too soon. I can only feign interest for so long. My DOG is so much cuter than anybody’s kid.
Sara´s last blog ..Interviewing the White Tie Affair AKA Who The Fuck Are These Guys?
Oh man, I was totally imagining something different there. Oh, and I am dying to know the secret!
Herding Cats´s last blog ..….And Cut.
roflmao! I was thinking the same thing as you!!
Frugal Vicki´s last blog ..Yep, the honeymoon is over my friends
Thats funny- i soo thought she was talking about the other BJs too and I envied working at her job. but alas, they were just talking whole sale.
1. I need this motivation poster. Seriously, it sums up how I feel about my job perfectly.
2. I also didn’t originally think of BJ’s Wholesale when I first read that.
Wonderful´s last blog ..No Boys Allowed
That is AWESOME.
But there’s a BJ’s in Alexandria, VA too! I always make sure to put the “wholesale” after I say it though, just in case…
Carla @ I Run, You Run´s last blog ..Cooper River Bridge Run
My small talk is brilliant because I tend to make people feel as awkward as possible. Because I work in a teamful of boys, I tend to freak them out some of them by telling them about my period or some guy I snogged at the weekend. I use them as substitute girls.
I’m not sure they’re entirely comfortable with that…
Paula´s last blog ..ONCE UPON A TIME . . .
i had never heard of THAT BJ’s till I went up to Buffalo…Seriously when my friend was talking about BJs I thought she was giving them to her husband THAT often. Why in the name of all that is holy would someone name their store that? At least Herbert E. Butt had the good sense to name his store HEB not Butt Grocery or some crap.
tillie´s last blog ..glee: a rant…
i love that there is a store called BJs, is it next to a Dick’s? because that would be awesome.
katelin´s last blog ..Hey Mr. DJ.
I know exactly what your sister is going through! I am in my first official “office” job – and it is truly torturous. I have to listen to one woman on the phone at least 6 of the 8 hours talking to her boyfriend, her mother, her daycare, and she feels the need to take her shoes off to let her feet “air out”.
Kill me now.
fojoy´s last blog ..Mission Accomplished! 5 Things About Me
LILU! I havent been by in foreva!
congrats to your sister for the new job
and lol at your story. hahahaha
a friend of mine had a young teenage daughter — i’d say 13 or so. and this daughter kept a tally of how many bjs she had given. yes, that kind of bj. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
drollgirl´s last blog ..Justine Bieber?
Maybe I work with a bunch of pervs, but I actually foresee a conversation about what BJs (the good kind!) cost happening someday in the office.
nikki´s last blog .."Today, vegetables. Tomorrow, the world!" or Bunnicula
Legally you can get a BJ for $20 in Singapore, I’m sure the price would be open for negotiation.
dog3oy´s last blog ..Am I a dork
They cost dinner and a movie…and a bottle of bubbly. HA!
We definitely don’t have a store called BJs here. And I for sure thought your sis was talking about the other kind so my immediate thought was “since when is talking BJs small talk? Why do I not work there?”
Ask Alice´s last blog ..Not to Mention the Pool, The Parties, The Gambling and I Mean Too Much Awesome to Fit Into A Suitcase
They’re cheaper if you buy in bulk…
As for the going price, I’d ask Trixie, the neighborhood workin’ gal (I only wish I was joking) but I think she’d think I wanted one and I’m not really wantin’ to go there. I wonder if it would make a difference if I asked in Spanish? (Again… the ‘hood I live in is a lil’ “interesting”) I’d probably pronounce something wrong and she’d call the po-po on me.
MsDarkstar´s last blog ..A case of the Tuesdays?
There’s a BJ’s in Philly, but I’ve never had the pleasure of going. I think I might need a trip, seeing as how this dating thing is not really panning out for me right now
Some Lever soap might help…or sting! haha
Citygal´s last blog ..My inbox made me drink
Dude, I shop at BJs and I totally didn’t even think wholesale club. Seriously. Does that make me a perv?
Adrienzgirl´s last blog ..Pomp and Circumstance
BJ’s. Lol…That’s awesome.
mel´s last blog ..not even phased
Okay, I live in MA but thought the same as you.
Also, when my fiance (from England) was visiting, and we drove by one, he said “BJs, eh?” So of course I asked, “Yes, would you like any BJs while we’re here?”
Amberdawn´s last blog ..Outdoor Summer Wedding: Wedding Guest Pet Peeves
My mind went EXACTLY where yours did. And I feel your sister’s pain with the office setting…today I spent 2 hours dealing with what I now call Our Lady of Perpetual Paper Jams…if only the Office Space soundtrack had been playing in the background. Cubicledom sucks.
Liz´s last blog .."You’re hired!"
We are BOTH too dirty-minded for our own good.
Candice´s last blog ..Lost, I Want Those Years Back
uhmmm, YEAH. I totally thought BJ’s the wrong way too, and I live in RI, so they are everywhere, so I should know better.
I HATE small talk. My office is very small, if you don’t play along and do the small talk thing you get shunned. Its awful. I’ve recently decided that I don’t care if nobody likes me at work.
Lauren´s last blog ..I LOVE….Fridays!!!
I have a few friends that have never had the cubical farm experience and therefore don’t fully “get” all of the Office Space references (ie “Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking…just a moment”). They also look blankly at me when I yell “why do you say paper jam when there is no paper jam!” I think until you’ve had the experience, you can’t really understand how annoying small talk can be. I have a cube neighbor (and really- you can hear someone breathing through the cube walls) who is constantly talking…talking talking talking… about some of the most inane things possible.
The bright side? Plenty of stories to keep your friends entertained.
Ashburnite´s last blog ..The F Bomb
I’m so with you…I was thinking the other kind of BJs. Probably because that’s what we talk about in my office.
Shana´s last blog ..Pretty, sparkly vampires…
Yeah, totally not what I thought either. I couldn’t figure out what a BJ had to do with soap.
A Super Girl´s last blog ..Current events
Oh my god, I totally thought she meant the other kind of bj’s as well and was seriously wondering where in the world she worked where cost of bj is considered small talk. Crack me up. Although that would probably be a preferable topic to cost of actual items at actual BJ’s.
hip hip gin gin´s last blog ..Wax Collector
You’re kidding me, right? I think I just crapped in my pants laughing at this. Yep. That might be doo-doo butter I feel in my pants. But the happy doo-doo butter, not the sad kind.
Christina Harper´s last blog ..If It Doesn’t Make Sense You Must Acquit
why WHY when whoever invented the store BJs didn’t that person’s close friend, trusted confidant, or bold passerby TELL THEM what a horrible idea it is?!?! I do hope the store has been around for a long loooong time and perhaps even before the discovery (invention?) of the other bj, that is the only reasonable explanation.
great, now i’m wondering when oral sex was invented
Hannah´s last blog ..In Which I Embrace Another Meaning of "Personal"
Comments on this entry are closed.