You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!
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While watching “Aladdin”…
Me: Is Jasmine hotter than me?
B: Well… she has a tiger! I’m sorry, baby… but yes, she is more desirable than you.
Me: Asshole!
B: Oh, come on. If you were dating a guy with a TIGER?!
Me: Okay, okay! Fair point.
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On gchat…
Me: how’s your day?
(time passes)
B: going good
hows yours?Me: three hours later!
B: sorry love, i was playing soccer
Me: you don’t love me at all.
B: that’s it. i didn’t know how to break it to you other than being late to responding via gchat.
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While watching “Sixteen and Pregnant”…
Me: Oh!
B: What?
Me: She’s painting the baby’s toenails!! That kind of looks like fun. Like a doll! Maybe babies aren’t so bad after all.
B: Whoa, there. I will buy you a fucking doll. With HUMAN toenails. And change them out weekly, if that’s what it takes.
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On gchat, having some ridiculous fake argument.
B: yeah, try to hide
bam.Me: the hell?
B: why dont you type “what”
Me: shorthand baby. it’s what all the cool kids do
B: you crazy kids and your V.
…see what i did there, i shorthanded the D.Me: hahahahahaha
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My lovelies, I want to thank you from the tippy-toe bottom of my heart for all your comments yesterday. I always feel a bit weird when I get all… well… SERIOUS, around here, so your support really means the world to me. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone.
/schmoop
That said, today is my Friday because I am OFF to the Keys to watch my very first bff tie the knot!
C U Next… (oh, awkward, but…) Tuesday!!!
{ 68 comments }
You want a baby so you can paint it’s toenails?
Like painting your cats’ toenails isn’t enough for you.
Seriously. We all know you do it.
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ..How to Properly Court a Ceiling Crevice =-.
Have a safe trip!! Count down the sunset for me if you’re in Mallory Square!
.-= CupcakeLiz´s last blog ..Ultimate Blog Party 2010 Welcome!! =-.
I’m glad I’m not the only one with this thought: maybe you can paint the cat’s toenails? Oh God, there is something wrong with me.
Have a wonderful time in Key West!
.-= LesleyG´s last blog ..2006 makes 2010 make a little more sense =-.
Have a wonderful time in Key West!
Have a blast in the keys!! I’m off to gchat the hubs, and if he doesn’t respond in 2.5 seconds, its divorcing time.
.-= Tia´s last blog ..You lady’s are giving me a complex… =-.
OK, doll with human toenails comment creeped me out.
Also, I hate you…but ya know, HAVE A GREAT TIME!!
Looooooooooove.
.-= DCPrincess´s last blog ..Epiphany =-.
B: that’s it. i didn’t know how to break it to you other than being late to responding via gchat.
HAHA..He is a match for you misses.
And have a blast in KW. Congrats to your bff.
.-= JennyMac´s last blog ..That is not a Flintstones vitamin =-.
Ooop. Missed the comment on yesterday’s post. Sorry. But you did something that is so incredibly hard. There are strengths to the system, to be sure – unfortunately, there are also weaknesses. Shadow of a doubt is hard when you know in your heart the asshole is guilty.
Not to worry, Karma is a bitch. He’ll get his plus some.
And so is finding human toenails small enough to go on a doll. I wish B the best of luck, or really good trimming skills.
.-= Mike´s last blog ..Doctors =-.
Have a wonderful time!!
.-= harini´s last blog ..Who said that? =-.
jasmine is definitely in the top 2 best disney princesses, she and Belle are tied for me. and as great as 16 and pregnant is, i am LOVING this new season of the Fresh Meat challenge, everyone on MTV makes me feel so much better about myself.
.-= Lusty Reader´s last blog ..March 2010 lusty reading list =-.
The answer is clear. Get a tiger.
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Get ready. =-.
i’m pretty sure this means you’re required to paint your cats’ nails now. while B videos it.
.-= Alice´s last blog ..paintings of the pole: volume 4 =-.
I think that when I actually un-swear off dating, I’m going to print out all of these and make them like some sort of dating job posting. These are my requirements.
.-= colby´s last blog ..This is definitely not Scotland =-.
I still love your BF.
.-= Kristina P.´s last blog ..Glamour Shots Gone Wild! Blog Carnival! =-.
I would have traded all three of my kiddos for a doll with human toenails yesterday! GAH!
Enjoy your trip!
.-= Michelle Pixie´s last blog ..Babble From The Other Side {of the fence} =-.
Match made in heaven.
.-= k8´s last blog ..All Kinds of Special =-.
you guys are too cute!
Ooh, have fun in the Keys!
Also, how cool would it be to have a tiger? Disney characters have the best pets.
.-= Liebchen´s last blog ..You snooze, you lose =-.
Why were you guys watching Aladdin. Please tell me you harmonized ‘a whole new world’. Have fun in the keys! Have lots of keylime pie for me please.
.-= Nikki´s last blog ..Seattle Restaurant Week…are you going? =-.
totally laughing over the 16 and pregnant one…
i actually painted my cats nails once.. yea, she didn’t really like it that much!
.-= Randi´s last blog ..CMA wrap-up =-.
All I know is that during a recent trip to Disneyworld…I saw that the line to have pictures taken with Jasmine was long. And that, interestingly, it was full of dads who had offered to “do the waiting” for their kids. And I don’t think it was because of the tiger…
Have fun on your trip!
Keys! Oooo!!!
.-= LA Cochran´s last blog .."She thinks my tractor’s sexy" –Kenny Chesney =-.
Tigers are awesome. In other news, I was stunned to find out that some parents don’t let their kids watch Aladdin anymore. You know, after 9/11. (I WISH I were kidding).
Hope you and B have a great time; enjoy those Bacardi 151 frappés!
.-= Emil´s last blog ..Way Back Wednesday: A Blast From My Emotional Past =-.
@Emil, WHAT? that’s like not letting your kids watch anastasia because of the cold war! or rescuers down under because of russel crowe…
MADDNESS!
@sherryrose, what’s wrong with Russell Crowe?
.-= Emil´s last blog ..Way Back Wednesday: A Blast From My Emotional Past =-.
@Emil, nothing…as long as there are no phones anywhere within reach…
I’m a little worried about how B will acquire HUMAN TOES every week…that’s a lot of tiny toes to lose and for someone to get.
wait as LONG as you can to have a BABY! Because other than painting toenails its not all that fun! And your boyfriend “B” forever cracks me up!
.-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Doing Things Differently™ – My Week In Review [Part Eleven] =-.
ooof, 16 and pregnant has secured my “no children” stance.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..This is What Happens When You’re Honest =-.
What a funny entry! I’m going to subscribe to your blog
Um…. I didn’t get the last one. What’s V and D? Haha…
.-= Mikael´s last blog ..My Heart Will Go On =-.
Tell B that if he really loved you, he would let you paint his toenails. Of course maybe he has one of those fungus infections or some sort of WWII trench foot and that would really suck then.
.-= Skylers Dad´s last blog ..It’s Another Adult Bad Tat Tuesday! =-.
Get a tiger and B will respond to you on gchat in 1 msec. Take it from me. I have a tiger.
No, I’m just kidding.
You and your BF is a perfect match.
Sorry, I missed yesterday’s post. I was also having a crappy day yesterday and I ranted it on Twitter. And guess what, I lost a Twitter follower. Hehe.
.-= Gnetch´s last blog ..Is it just me or… =-.
I think anyone with a tiger definitely wins.
And I can’t imagine painting a baby’s toenails. Before they get too wiggly, they’re just too small and fragile – those chemicals could go straight to their brains or something! And then they get too squirmy-wormy and you’d wind up with nailpolish all over you. Definitely aim for a real-toenailed doll.
.-= Lemon Gloria´s last blog ..The snorchle snuffle snort =-.
no offense, but jasmine is WAY hotter then you. and B. in fact, i think jasmine was my first crush.
.-= danielle´s last blog ..happy weed day! and a mini IMM vlog =-.
Have a blast in Key West! And have a drink for me! So jealous!
Also, I’m totally going to paint my baby girl’s toe nails. Awesome.
.-= Kellie´s last blog ..Lah Tee Dah =-.
Tell your BF that you’ll get a tiger if he’ll wear a vest and a fez.
But he is right; Princess Jasmin is hot.
.-= Trooper Thorn´s last blog ..Canuck Dog Supports US Troops =-.
B is a genius. Tell him I said that. I want him to know he is my hero. Replacing Mr Condescending. (sorry pal)
Maybe you could just cruise through town painting other people’s babies’ toenails. Sound like a plan?
Hahahaha love the convo’s! Have a fun trip
Whenever I so much as look at babies, my boyfriend starts strategizing. He always yells “7 years!” and then I yell “5!” and on and on. It’s a fun game.
.-= Herding Cats´s last blog ..When Life Explodes, Remember to Duck & Cover =-.
You could always paint the kitties’ nails!
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..Before & After: A Little Lamp Love Goes a Long Way =-.
Thank you so much for the lovely comment, I always appreciate it!
Those conversations were hilarious… Sometimes I wish I had a tape recorder with me so I could remember the stupid things the bf and I say. hahaha
I wait for you to share new sayings on twitter all day. Just thought telling you that wouldn’t creep you out at all.
sometimes I want to respond, because I live with a very similar constant entertainer and get random shit like that aaaaaall the time 
it’s amazing.
Enjoy the wedding!
Tigers > Everything else.
You two are great!
.-= Her´s last blog ..Her Cozy Swap is ending =-.
Tigers are pretty frickin’ cool!
I felt a little sick when I read that bit about the human toe nails on the doll *shudder*
.-= Hermia´s last blog ..Secret Story No.1 -Squeeze and I =-.
Jasmine has those pants with the plunging waistline… mmm…
Huh? What?
.-= Captain Dumbass´s last blog ..I Am… =-.
you can get those soft paws for your cats in fancy colors. Or you can get a dog petsmart will paint their nails for you.
and they dont cry and scream and say “i hate you!” when they turn 2.
do you remember all of these funny things he says. i need to start keeping a notebook filled with the many weirdo comments my hubby makes!
.-= ally´s last blog ..My Wedding Song =-.
I’m going out and buying a tiger the first chance I get.
You guys crack me up.
.-= Jules´s last blog ..Day 22 – And the elliptical saga continues… =-.
I always thought Jasmine was the hottest Disney princess. She and Ariel may be in a contest for sluttiest outfit, but having a tiger trumps having a crab. Have fun on your trip!
More proof that B and my Huz were seperated at birth.
So funny! Especially Aladdin. Pffffft!
.-= middleagedwaitress´s last blog ..The Thong Police =-.
Oh how I look forward to these posts!!
The tiger thing just makes me think of The Hangover though… LOL!
.-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Good Love Is On The Way =-.
You and your BF have the best convos! So funny! Either I need to find someone to joke with or get a new wifey. That’s all there is!
.-= Tom Goette´s last blog ..Cheating On Your Wife: A New Celebrity Pastime =-.
You two are great!
i *love* that you were watching aladdin. i totes need to get that shiz on DVD.
.-= mar´s last blog ..be the change you wish to see =-.
You could get a tiger, and paint its toenails (while its sleeping, OBviously)- then you’ll be the HOTtest one of all. Your B is hilarious. Have a great trip! Can’t wait for more funny shiz!
NICE – The Keys are a great place to get into some good trouble
So my mother taught home childbirth when I was a little girl, which meant every Friday night my house was invaded by pregnant women, and also there were pregnancy props everywhere. My favorite was the “realistic” baby doll. I played with it constantly, until one day I noticed that the plastic on the inside of it’s nostrils looked like snot. And I tried to pick it away, but it only made it worse. So eventually I just left it alone, cause I couldn’t clean up it’s snot face.
Which pretty much sums up why I don’t have kids.
.-= Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..Unicorn Tears and Bret Michaels =-.
For reals – my hubby and I sound the exact same. Just yesterday we argued over how anyone can know what sounds a dinosaur makes since there were no humans to witness it.
.-= Meghan´s last blog ..Third Time’s A Charm… =-.
“Me: Oh!
B: What?
Me: She’s painting the baby’s toenails!! That kind of looks like fun. Like a doll! Maybe babies aren’t so bad after all.
B: Whoa, there. I will buy you a fucking doll. With HUMAN toenails. And change them out weekly, if that’s what it takes.”
Hahahah, B sounds like my husband!
.-= Pauline´s last blog ..One Last Point…. =-.
I think I’ve already mentioned numerous times about how I worry for your sanity. Now, I worry about B’s sanity. Just a little. You both make each other a little more sane in comparison.
And have fun at the wedding. Congrats to your BFF.
I seriously hearted Jasmine best for having the tiger. I even had a stuffed Raja as a kid. Go Aladdin!
HI-larious. Jasmine does have a tiger…but as I like to point out to my SO, I have claws.
I nominated you for an award!
http://www.tweeded.com/2010/04/okay-guys-so-i-totally-won-some-awards.html
.-= rebel mel´s last blog ..Okay guys, so I totally won some awards. =-.
Sounds like you guys have so much fun together. A sense of humor in a relationship is so important….hilarious! More please!
16 and pregnant is my version of birth control.
I missssss youuuuu
.-= Liz´s last blog ..New Obsession-Candy & Caviar (And Shoptopia!) =-.
Love the buying the doll with human nails idea!
.-= debbie´s last blog ..It All Depends on Which Side of the Bars You are On =-.
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