***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***
Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…
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Every now and then, we have to go and see these things called doctors.
Wait! Don’t go! I promise this isn’t about healthcare!
(But by the end, you might wish it were.)
Ahem.
I had a simple physical scheduled last week. Unfortunately, it turned out to be an incredibly busy day at work, but appointments can take weeks to get at my doc, so I sacrificed my lunch hour and prayed it wouldn’t take much longer than that.
As I was rushing out of the office, I realized that although I’d had my morning coffee, I had NOT had my morning TCOB. There was no time, however- never enough time, Zack!!- so I mentally shrugged and raced to the doctor’s, hoping for the best.
By the time I was verifying my insurance at the front desk, I was dancin’. You know what I mean… the pee pee dance with clenched cheeks? Prairie doggin’ it? Turtle heading?
Yeah. That.
I did a jig while the desk clerk slowwwly processed my co-pay, and slumped into a chair in the waiting room to assess my options. Finally, I spotted the bathroom across the room…
Of course. A onesie.
Sigh.
I had a brief internal struggle, but my body quickly beat out my mind in the “over matter” battle. Trying to look casual, I sauntered over and nonchalantly closed the door behind me… and went into action.
A cool minute and a spritz of Lysol later, I emerged as calmly as I’d gone in, and innocently plopped back down in my chair, hoping to appear engrossed in the May 2007 edition of GQ.
Approximately 30 seconds later, a very proper and professional looking middle-aged man set down his coffee and headed for the restroom.
Say it with me, in “Legend of the Seeker“-style slow-mo:
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!
Alas, there was nothing to be done. As I waited anxiously for his inevitable departure and judgmental stare, I pondered escape routes and prayed for my name to be called.
And then, from the heavens above… a miracle. An elderly man got up and swung the bathroom door open before any of us spectators could say a word.
An exchange so uncomfortable I can’t quite put it into words ensued, as the flustered old man decided to hold the door open while he apologized profusely, rather than, um, CLOSING IT.
Somehow, I managed to hide my smile, but inside I did a happy dance of epic proportions. The last thing anyone would be thinking about now was what the girl in the cute purple dress had done in there. Upon the man’s departure, instead of me receiving the Judgy Eye? I gave him one of pitying sympathy…
And all was right with the world.
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Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…
Classy in Philadelphia’s TMI Thursday- The Time I Had No Idea How He Got Naked
That Kind of Girl’s TKOG Who wins at restrooms forever (TMI Thursday)
Mary’s TMIT: The Most Shameful of Walks
Ella Unread’s TMI THURSDAY – SENIOR DOGS FART AND BURP
P’s TMI THURSDAY: THE FACE LICKER
confessor69′s TMI Thursday: Things You Should NEVER Do in Your Closet
Floreta’s Head Lice
Heather’s TMI Thursday: A Different Kind of Pee Pee Dance
Sean’s TMI Thursday: Blister in the Sun
Torn’s TMI Thursday–Is that Pee?
Lucy’s TMI Thursday: Spice up the Marriage
Meleah’s Public Service Announcement – TMI Style
Bev’s TMI Thursday: Why I Don’t Drink Gin
Adam L’s TMI Thursday: The Joys of Running, Part V: I Forgot What?
Lisa’s Dear Mr. Echo
Cleveland Poet’s Tmi Thursday: The bj and the scab
amber murphy’s TMI Thursday: in which i should have said nothing at all
Brainless’ TMI Thursday: This post is NOT politically correct
Kernut’s My First Brush With The Law
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That poor guy will never use that restroom again. Between the gift inside and the show he was forced to give his day SUCKED!!!!
Lucy´s last blog ..Post It Note Tuesday: Tolerance
Ugh. I hate being that person. The one who goes immediately AFTER someone lays a stinky one in the bathroom.
nikki´s last blog ..Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley and me, Elizabeth
Yet another place where women differ from men.
I fully expect for the guy who goes in after I do to come out…we exchange glances..and then he shouts out:
“NICE ONE.”
Then we high five.
Women are weird.
moooooog35´s last blog ..Wrapping up the Week – March 21, 2010
i blogged about my cat pooping today.
I think in adulthood, everyone should re-read “everybody poops”
i mean, there are people at work who make themselves sick holding doodie, so no one knows they poop in public, seriously?
own it!
fizzgigabyte´s last blog ..Uncle Buck…
@Mooooog35 I’m pretty sure men are the weird ones there…”nice one”? hahaha gross.
Dude. Dude. Dude. You’re breaking my heart. I chose to pretend that people really don’t notice public restroom stank — it’s the only thing that’s even vaguely helped allay my fear of sharing restrooms with other human beings!
That Kind Of Girl´s last blog ..TKOG Who wriggles and sings in front of hundreds of screaming fans
Hahaha this is such a funny story. This has happened to everyone before but what a save that guy opening the bathroom door!
Katy Mary´s last blog ..Spring Makes My Feet Happy
Hahahaha, I love this. Pooing in public is such a strategy for me; you don’t even know. It’s like my least fav. thing to do but when you commute to school and are there for 12 hours a day, sometimes there is no choice. I hate onesie bathrooms though..that’s the worst.
LMAO. I can’t do the Doo-Doo anywhere else but in the comfort of my own home. Unless I take a Dulcolax and spend the whole day out.
Saved by an old man, you were! ;p
The Mercurial Wife´s last blog ..Look What I’ve Found!
Buy a lottery ticket because that is luck!
You are one lucky lady! That kind of thing never happens to me. I mean, I stink up bathrooms, sure, but I always get caught.
Happy Thursday!
Bev´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: Why I Don’t Drink Gin
Indeed, God was smiling down on you.
Jeney´s last blog ..TMI Thursday – Forget the white rabbit… follow the black thong!
It just wouldn’t be Thursday with out some poop-talk.
Kris´s last blog ..The Shiz My Kids Say
I always worry about being “walked in” on when I use a public toilet!
Jilian´s last blog ..TPA Party
Oh god. I was just talking to my coworker in my cube a few minutes ago and she let out a fart. Just a solid “POOOOT” and I had to seriously try so hard not to fall on the floor laughing. She was so embarrassed that she left half her stuff on my desk. But this is way better.
Just A Girl´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: I wish I never had to write this one
Ughhh. This is a daily experience for me at work daily. Both sides of the situation. Constantly pooing, Constantly smelling others poos.. it’s like all i talk about anymore. I should write a book about it.
Also I have a giveaway on my blog today! It’s pretty nerdtastic but you should join!
That totally happened to me in DC in a porta. It was lovely.
Kristin´s last blog ..It’s Day 4 of our Spring Fling Giveaway and I have Spring Fever…how about you?
Double dose of TMI Awesomness on my blog today but BE WARNED… NC-17…lol
Torn´s last blog ..TMI Thursday…. Why I am told to change out the hardware…
I am so glad you got out of that one. I made the mistake recently of sitting just outside the door of a onesie in a really crowded pediatric dentist’s office. A woman with a toddler came out and the smell followed them. She looked sheepishly at me and I just gave her a quick smile and nod. Then she sat across from me and kept looking nervously at the door. I was trying not to make faces. The woman next to me was making disparaging remarks about the smell. I leaned forward and said to the woman with the little kid, “When my kids were little, I could never figure out how such cute little butts can make such a smell.” She laughed. The woman next to me shut up.
lisagolden´s last blog ..She Walked Through the Corn Leading Down to The River
I get performance anxiety in public. I need to be someplace completely isolated. But yeah, you do what you have to when you must. FTW, saved by old man! laughing…
Hate being that person too. But someone was on your side.
Nickie´s last blog ..The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks Giveaway!!
I feel so bad for that old man! The man inside wasn’t disrobed yet, was he? Haha… This is why I love you LiLu. =) TMI Thursday’s are my favorite!
Mikael´s last blog ..Doing the Vegas Boogie
There’s nothing worse than having to TCOB in a public place.
Barbara´s last blog ..A Blast from the Past! Part 2-Celebrity Crushes
Of COURSE God loves you, silly. You’re LILU!
xoxo
Taylor´s last blog ..Mr. Perfect
I’m with Mooooog. It’s a source of pride for us guys, especially when we can make the exceptionally bad looking wallpaper start to roll off.
Skylers Dad´s last blog ..Shhhh, be vewy, vewy qwiet. It’s a supwise fow Scope and Cowa!
I have to say, you kind of lucked out there. My biggest fear in the single bathrooms is the noise – if people can hear from outside. I usually pray for a fan.
Liebchen´s last blog ..That’s it?
That’s HILARIOUS!!! Poor guy though!!!
Hermia´s last blog ..Let me tell you about the time I….watched my kitten get…uhm…very excited
The “never enough time, Zack,” line had me at hello. Hilarious.
Kim´s last blog ..Age-Defying Magic
Well played.
Tina´s last blog ..Well, I personally think that slips of the f-bomb are funny
I kinda blog-stalked you all week. I started with the break down for people that didn’t want to read ALL your archives but soon decided that I did IN FACT want to read all of them. You are pretty awesome. You are going in the must read folder fo sho.
OMG! I would have been so embarrassed! I HATE being ‘The One’ who funked up a bathroom full well knowing eventually someone will have to go in after me!
Why can’t they just invent ‘Pocket Fabreeze?’ ]Small, portable, Airfreshening goodness.] Because I would always have that in my purse for said emergency situations like this!
meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Public Service Announcement – TMI Style
next time a situ like that is gonna happen start a fire in the bathroom.
sure that’s a crime and all but then at least you’d be the fire-starter
which very sexy or at least sexier than bathroom stinkeruper
Clevelandpoet´s last blog ..Tmi Thursday: The bj and the scab
Gross! GROSS! Why didn’t the guy lock the bathroom door for god’s sake? Was he hoping to get out quick?
k8´s last blog ..Walkin’
Ok this is scary…I copied and pasted the TMI’s badge from * Insert My Blog Name Here * and linked your site because, well, because you created this and because I always link blogs when I mention other bloggers. However, I never told you I was going to take part because it was spontaneous….Do you have super powers Master LiLu?
Ella Unread´s last blog ..TMI THURSDAY – SENIOR DOGS FART AND BURP
I have TCOBed in many a places, but never the doctor’s office. If anything, that place freaks me out to the point that pretty much all bodily functions freeze up.
Hannah´s last blog ..A tale of two lives.
On that note, my dog just farted. It’s okay Lilu, we all do it.
I feel that way every time I poop and my roommate runs in after me.
Dmbosstone´s last blog ..My New Suit, My New Job, And What I Learned
I thought this was going in the direction of a turtle heading ladies appt. in which I would hate to be that doctor.
I too hate to suck the air of the after party. So nasty!
Nikki´s last blog ..Easter Skirt
is there such a thing as poop karma? because if there is, i think you used up all your points right there, missy.
Rebecca´s last blog ..I want to talk about my vagina…
Ahh, the sweet smell of misplaced blame.
eric´s last blog ..Books About Ancient Water and Disaster (Libri di Acqua Antichi e Disastri)
Oh Lilu. That saved my afternoon from complete boredom.
Teeny´s last blog ..Love is when you wanna kiss and you get bit (Part 2)
i remember thinking jessie had a pretty bad drug additction…to CAFFIENE PILLS! ah, those saved by the bell lessons were so accurate. anyway, gotta love old men to the rescue! we have all been there, done that. i love how you always put it out there.
allison´s last blog ..Mini-Bridal Shower
Oh the poor dude! I feel sorry for him. But at least it got YOU out of a tight one!
Paula´s last blog ..WHERE IN THE WORLD WEDNESDAY: BRINGING ST PADDY’S TO GLASGOW . . .
Ohh! That was a close call. It reminded me of a poop story of my own, so I think I’ll post that one next week.
As always, thanks for the inspiration!
I ALWAYS manage to be that guy that goes into the bathroom after someone’s done one. Without FAIL. The worst is when you come out and it still stinks and someone else is going in and thinks it’s you!!
Emily Jane´s last blog ..A call, an answer, and to new beginnings
Oh man!! Lilu:(
you were lucky it wasn’t some handsome guy you were trying to flirt with.
Mirella McCracken´s last blog ..Organizing your Twitter account by creating different lists.
i HATE HATE HATE using the bathroom (well.. not pissing.. but i think you know what i mean) in public!
sometimes.. it’ll take me like 30 minutes.. no crap (lol).. i have shy intestines or something i think!!!
Randi´s last blog ..little of this and that
I truly sympathize. My life is a series of me trying to hold in one fart after the other. If only shit didn’t stink.
Jessica O´s last blog ..Religion, Politics and Food: A Triple Threat
That is awesome. See? Good things happen to us good people. Karma.
We rule.
And this is why I believe in karma. Clearly some sort of higher power was at work here.
Cheddar´s last blog ..Distracted and Boring
Prairie dogging it? How have I not heard that one before?
I call it crowning. As in “I’m fully dilated, I need a toilet, stat! The baby’s crowning!”
Torn Reply:
March 25th, 2010 at 11:26 pm
Prairie Doggin it…………..THE RAT RACE… AWESOME MOVIE!!!!!
I had to look up TCOB. My first thought was it referred to The Cleansing of the Bowels. Eh. I guess it works both ways. Well played.
colby´s last blog ..Another ray of sunshine in my world
that is the nicest thing i’ve heard about an old person in a long time. usually old people’s poop stories are about how their bladder and bowels have failed them, because, you know, that’s what old people are for: accidental bowels stories.
AM I THE ONLY ONE TO MENTION YOUR PRETTY PURPLE DRESS?!
Pretty princess, baby Jesus loves you. FTMFW!
Why do I feel like I can relate to this all too well? It’s kind of scary the situations I get myself in.
…Thank God for small mercies!
Sometimes I really want to blurt out my TMI stories and join in the fun…. But then I remember that they’re not funny. Just embarrassing. Just really, REALLY embarrassing. So embarrassing that there’s no laughing, just an awkward silence and a thank-God-that’s-never-happened-to-me grimace.
So I think I’ll just… sit over here….
Magpie´s last blog ..Dear Little Miss TomTom
*Channelling Monty Pyton* No one suspects….the girl in the purple dress!!! Mwahahah!
Pauline´s last blog ..I’m Spartacusssss!
It would be funny if there was someone who was in there before you sitting and dreading the same thing!
Samantha´s last blog ..Links of Note.
Oh i just HATE when that happens! lol
sheila´s last blog ..Simple relaxation techniques.
oops, how did my other url get in there? Weird
sheila´s last blog ..Road Trip – Moseying Around Wyoming
I think everyone has had this happen… no?
Vodka Logic´s last blog ..Friday 55
Thank you for the comment on my site!
I love your blog.
(I tried to do the TMI Thrusday code thing for “My First Brush With The Law”… not sure if it worked. I’m new at this so let me know
OMG, I do tend to give the judgmental evil eye to bathrooms stinkers. (note to self: stop) And it’s not like I haven’t stunk up a bathroom myself! LOL
But the guy who HELD THE DOOR OPEN while apologizing?!?! What a perve!! That creeps me out.
Kernut´s last blog ..My First Brush With The Law
Lucky break! I can’t stand going in after someone, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.
Her´s last blog ..Birthday tears
Remember the one at bourbon?
That was me.
Hangs head in shame.
Maxie´s last blog ..Holy Hiatus, Batman.
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