You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!
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Watching the cats, which are about a year old now (!).
B: Are they going to get bigger?
Me: Maybe a little bit, but no, this is pretty much it.
B: Goddamm it! I wanted giant cats!
Me: The hell? You said you were sad when they got bigger!
B: I either wanted tiny cats or HUGE cats! Not medium sized!
Me: ……….
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While watching “Fringe“…
B: Wouldn’t it suck if your son died and you stole a new one from another dimension and then HE died?
Me: Well, couldn’t you just get another from another dimension?
B: It’s not that easy!
Me: You don’t know that.
B: I’ve done it twice already.
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Sitting on the couch…
B: I’m gonna go get my poop on. Oh wait… we’re out of toilet paper. Never mind.
Me: You’re not going to poop because there’s no TP? We have paper towels.
B: Nah…. I went earlier today. Not worth it. It’s not a diarrhea or anything.
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B looks up from the Medieval-ish book he’s reading, A Game of Thrones.
B: I want a Direwolf!
Me: Qué?
B: It’s a wolf as big as a horse.
Me: But what about the kitties?
B: Well it wouldn’t eat US or the kitties… only other people! [Dumbfounded] You don’t want this?!
Me: Baby, we didn’t get a DOG because we don’t have room.
B: Well, YEAH, but what if size didn’t matter? What if we had a farm??
Me: Well… can I ride it?
B: Of COURSE you can fucking ride it! Don’t be an ijit! I mean, look at Murray. He’s cute and all, but he’s so SMALL. And how many throats has he ripped out? NONE!!
Me: ……….
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Happy weekend, y’all!
{ 73 comments }
the ability to rip out throats is ALWAYS how i pick what pet to get. B is ahead of his time.
Size ALWAYS matters, B. Always.
A Super Girl´s last blog ..Friday Foto: City Year
I need a B.
k8´s last blog ..Happy Feet Friday
I’m with him on cat size. Medium size cats are boring….tiny or giant cats all the way!
Shannon´s last blog ..Swag
I def would prefer a midget cat that sneak attacks and rips throats out. Epic for sure.
Nickie´s last blog ..Back. Ugh.
haha. this kid is hilarious.
and yes, it was YOU who inspired my occasional ’shiz i says’. i say some pretty awesome stuff sometimes, not gonna lie.
cari´s last blog ..running and driving and other such moving things…
Sounds like someone is angling for a trip to the zoo to get his giant animal fixation on.
That Kind of Girl´s last blog ..TKOG Who needs drugs RIGHT FRIGGIN’ NOW
You two should be a sitcom. Or at least put a camera in, that’s always on, so you can record these gems.
Colby´s last blog ..Tacos, Navy Seals and short shorts
Murray may not rip out throats, but he does fart down them…seems like B would appreciate that.
Mary´s last blog ..Work in Progress
Wouldn’t giant cats = predators = you and the boyfriend for lunch?
Just a thought.
Mandy’s Kidding´s last blog ..Calling Doctor Freud
I think his logic is off on this whole “stealing a son” thing. If he’s already done it twice, doesn’t that prove how easy it is? (i.e. *You* were right.)
Liebchen´s last blog ..Good news!
I’d hold it too if all I had was paper towels. Oops, I guess I’m a day late with that info.
Cyndy´s last blog ..Monday Night Jazz in Silver Spring
he’s done it twice..I love that!!! I miss having a man around!
I’m just surprised you asked permission to ride it. Good on B he called you out for even questioning the issue.
Alyxmyself´s last blog ..Crackin’ open a can of whoop ass.
Seriously! He kills me! lol!
Murray is just biding his time. Disemboweling will occur at some point (to clarify, Murray will be DOING the disemboweling). It’s a cat thing. Do not underestimate the medium-sized pussy.
MsDarkstar´s last blog ..Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place…(3)
Tiny monkeys can ride medium sized cats. Just sayin.
He’s a gem! Aaand, I saw on your facebook he out balanced you in yoga.
You’ve had the cats for a year now! Wow, I’ve been reading your blog for a loooong time!
He really provides hours of endless entertainment huh?? And, how the F did those cats turn one already? Can’t be true.
I have never heard anyone, other than my brother, use the term “ijit”. You just MADE MY DAY.
i have a giant cat! he’s pretty awesome. and heavy. i’m a little scared of the day he gets fat on top of being giant.
Alice´s last blog ..i VERY MUCH hope that all searches for "baby oil slip n’ slide" now direct the internet to my blog
Helpful hint: if you ever run out of toilet paper in a public restroom just take off your shoes and wipe with your socks. Then flush the socks down the toilet. Sure, you just lost a pair of perfectly good socks, but that’ll be the last time they ever run out of toilet paper in THAT public restroom.
Del-V´s last blog ..We got beets!
Bahahahaha I was sad when my cat grew
I want my tiny kitty back. B never ceases to make me crack up. I feel like I could be a fly on your wall and be very happy just watching the two of you interact.
Jessica´s last blog ..Twenty.Two.
I always look forward to the things tht come out of b’s mouth, could u get him to give u directions to tht other dimension and bring me back one of him. i promise to baby sit murry and axe when ever u guys want to get away. lol
It sounds like B really wants Jacob Black’s wolf pack from Twilight…Wolves as big as horses? Just sayin’….
Tiffani´s last blog ..A much needed letter to myself
This was probably the weirdest version of Shiz ever. I think it’s getting a little too close for comfort. HA HA. NEVER!
Margarita´s last blog ..Keep Calm and Enter This Giveaway!!
Dude…my cat is a giant, oversized beast of an animal. Oh, and he’s evil. Do you think B would trade?
Finding you post kind of interesting. Many people threat their pets like kids. Sounds like you are possibly thinking of having a family?
I hope the episodes of your life keep you entertained, like many of us. Have a nice week end. Come see my blog if you like!
Jonathan´s last blog ..Going Green and Virtualiztion technology
I’ve been wanting a direwolf for a long time now. B is wise. And yes, I’d need a castle, or an estate in which to let it roam and defend from the invaders from the north. Or that fucking House Lannister.
lol.. oh i so LOVE you guys!!!!
i think ya’ll must be the funniest ever!
have a lovely wkend!
Randi´s last blog ..Pinks The Word
Dire wolves were real, does he know that? From the Ice Age!
Steam Me Up Kid´s last blog ..Why Jeff Bridges is not helpful during an anal leakage crisis
It is always sad when the fur babies get big. They are not so cute anymore hehe. I wish I could just sit and listen to the conversations you two have because I’m sure I would laugh 24/7!
Haley´s last blog ..I have been inspired
“It’s a wolf as big as a horse”
I just learned something. Thanks B.
Elizabeth Marie´s last blog ..Winners and a Lil Blessed List…
B can one of our cats.. ones pretty big… gotta love Fringe too, even when I don’t understand it.
Vodka Logic´s last blog ..I have a new Collection
your boyfriends foolishness rocks! hahahhaha
AssertiveWit´s last blog ..Water Bugs Are Disgusting, Much Like Roaches
never ever ever ever let him go.
nikki´s last blog .."I’ve seen several haunts and been one myself." or Ghosts I Have Been
So would this wolf be like your body guard or something? Maybe your alarm system? I don’t understand it’s use.
Also, I love that B can just decide when to poop or when not to poop. I generally go only when I have to. He can just decide he doesn’t have to. I am uber jealous.
Kellie´s last blog ..Blah, Blah, Blah
Happy Weekend to you too!
Wonderful´s last blog ..Travel Fridays
Who *doesn’t* want a direwolf? Also (assuming he likes the rest of the books as well), B may be excited to know that HBO greenlighted (lit?) the project to make a series out of the series. It will take a couple years to make, most likely, but it’s very exciting.
/nerditude
Have a great weekend!
Dagny Taggart´s last blog ..Note to self (Herding Cats)
This definitely had me laughing out loud, your BF says some seriously funny shit!
Katy Mary´s last blog ..What The Fug?!
“Is your cat fat, small, or an in between?!”
hahahahahaha
jenniferalaine´s last blog ..test post.
Happy Weekend, your boyfriend cracks me up, and Fringe is one of my favorite shows!
meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Doing Things Differently™ – My Week In Review [Part Five]
I think someone needs to let interdimensional child protective services know about B. Of course, he would probably just sic the Direwolf on them…
Dani´s last blog ..Somewhere over the airwaves and the perks of being a responsible adult…
B cracks me up and I don’t even know him! Haha… “I need to get my poop on.” Great stuff!
Mikael´s last blog ..Busted Busting It
I love you both even more now that I know you watch Fringe!
Skylers Dad´s last blog ..Fire That Agency!
I would KILL for big cats!! Or even better, teeny tiny cats that you could put in your pocket. That would be awesome. Or a Direwolf… that soudns badass too.
carissa´s last blog ..Commercial break: TV and relationships. What’s the Diff?
Remind B what happened to Sigfried (or was it Roy? I like saying Sigfried better.) when he got too close to a big cat.
Then get him a tiger. Who cares about room or keeping your limbs? Make sure you set up a live-feed webcam.
shine´s last blog ..It’s Friday, we should break up – A breakdown of L. O. L.*
i ask questions like that every time i watch fringe, it’s impossible not to.
katelin´s last blog ..Some more engaging photos.
Sooooooo you watch Fringe. There’s hope for you after all.
Did he explain why he needed a son from another dimension? LOL
Cassie´s last blog ..My husband is SO odd sometimes
Soooooooo we have 5 minutes to change our mind about what we said ehhh? I’m sitting here watching the time slip away on my previous comment. 3:04 to go. Now down to 2:39. Hey! No 2 minute warning?! Under a minute. This is like watching 24. What’s going to happen at 0:00? Maybe I’ll be shipped off to a porn site! Rats! No such luck. Well, Here I go again.
Mike´s last blog ..1092 – Religion (sort of)
I started LOLing at the TP one and my boyfriend looks at me and is like “Why are you laughing?” so I read it to him and he goes, “that makes sense.”
Boys are crazy.
Barbara´s last blog ..3 Day Weekend in Pictures…and a Video
If given the opportunity, I’m certain Murray would rip a throat or two out. Give the guy a chance.
My cats will be a year old in May, and they are SMALL. Oddly small! I’m glad I’m not the only one.
Oh! You need to tell B that it’s important not to miss your turn! When it’s your turn, use paper towels if you don’t have TP. Hell, use regular towels. But don’t miss your turn! That’s what my friend Alice’s mother always said.
Lemon Gloria´s last blog ..Friday dollop of the Big J
hahah, your boyfriend is hil-air-rious. i see where you get it from.
oh and bear (my bf) complains about the cats’ sizes too. sigh. boys.
Sandhya´s last blog ..Support System
I totally want a Direwolf now! Awesome!
Once again, you and B never disappoint. You’re like giant little laughing poop fairies…
Wait… something about that just doesn’t seem right.
) Ha. Look at that little guy. He has a mustache. Lol.
Have a fantastically delicious weekend!
Christina Harper´s last blog ..This Seems To Be A Recurring Theme, Not Unlike My Kranz Dreams
B can have MY dog.I have lost count how many throats he has ripped out
PLUS he is loyal.A one master dog.I’m tight and alive,see? 
Sweta´s last blog ..S-T-E-P-H-E-N K-I-N-G spells Unique
Things MY boyfriend has said:
“Hey, babe…I really think we should do our homework together. You know, cause your just so smart and all…”
STOP MAKING MY LOVE LIFE LOOK LIKE A PILE OF HORSE SHIT WITH A BOW AROUND IT!! *mopes*
danielle´s last blog ..Book Review: True Confessions of a Heartless Girl by Martha Brooks
My daughter wants a wolf… a huge one… apparently it shall coexist peacefully in the backyard with the donkey and the chickens that she also wants. However, she has been asking how to keep a horse (and she’s ridden a lot, so she knows how big they are) inside the house. I am not sure of this logic… I’d rather the wolf and/or donkey be inside (no chickens though). The cats will be pissed no matter what.
connie´s last blog ..Army Chick
AHHHHAHA! Hysterics commence.
1. ijit = win
2. if you had a Direwolf, not only could you ride it, but you could also vanquish thine enemies = doublewin
brad´s last blog ..why would i wanna break up?
Guys and their sci fi fantasies…
SilverNeurotic´s last blog ..The Text Message
haha your conversations always make me laugh. Oh, and as you can see, i changed my location. Missed reading you, but I’m back now
poodlegoose´s last blog ..Reasons Why
OMG – That was SOOO funny! Found your blog from “Every Day in Gray” & have had to follow you!
LOL.
I prefer tiny pets but I can understand why a really big one would be cool too.
I mean they can be a guard pet and scratch burglar’s head off or something.
andhari´s last blog ..This is why I don’t think I’ll be a "cool" mom someday!
I love the shiz B says. But it wouldn’t be nearly as funny without the stuff LiLu says along with it.
A wolf the size of a horse? DAMN! Can you imagine feeding that?
Adrienzgirl´s last blog ..Friday’s Follies and Fun Facts: Word Nerd
“B: Nah…. I went earlier today. Not worth it. It’s not a diarrhea or anything. ”
HAHAHAHA!!!
Fucking hilarious. That is all.
It’s a very guy thing to want your animals to grow bigger. I always tried to get my mom to feed our cats more food in hopes they would get bigger than the neighbor’s cats (which resembled small mountain lions). Didn’t work though and I had to grow up with the shame of having scrawny cats.
PorkChop´s last blog ..For cod’s sake…
LMFAO
BigMamaCass´s last blog ..“Bundled Up” I Heart Faces Photo Challenge
WE NEED TO GET A GIANT CAT!!
Maxie´s last blog ..boston: i wanna be on you.
This is hilarious! You two go perfect together!
I’m sad to say that I’ve read A Game of Thrones, and you’re absolutely right…total nerd book! But a direwolf would be awesome if you trained it to eat annoying people and fetch beer and Oreos (not at the same time…or maybe).
Natalie´s last blog ..40 is the new 20
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