You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!
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In bed, contemplating the next round of our workout program…
B: Maybe you can do a real pull up tomorrow!
Me: {skeptical glance}
B: C’mon, it’ll be useful- you know, if you’re ever in a big hole! Or a well. A well with a bar in it. … {ponders introspectively…} It would suck to die in a well.
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On the couch…
Me: You’re breathing loudly over there. Are you mouth breathing?? You know what they say about mouth breathers.
B: That they breathe better because mouths are bigger than noses? Is that what they say?!
***Ed. note: B is NOT a mouth breather. This was a fluke, hence why I commented on it. Gross.***
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Watching the furbabies fight, and for once, Murray is winning…
Me: Axe Murderer’s getting fat, man.
B: {all defensive and shit} She’s not fat! She’s just pleasantly plump.
Me: *skeptical side-eye glance*
B: Well, she’s not pleasant… so that kind of rules that out, huh? I guess she’s just plump.
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After brunch with the girls, I arrive home on Sunday to find B lounging on the couch… with a towel rolled up behind his neck.
Me: Um. Why do you have a towel rolled behind your head?
B: So I don’t have to hold my head up to watch TV! DUH!
Me: ……………………………
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I guess we really do need one of those ridiculous neck contraptions from SkyMall.
Don’t forget to check out my round up today on DC Blogs!
{ 60 comments }
Uggghhhh mouth breathers….why do people do that?
Awww poor, unpleasant Axe Murderer… The more I hear about him I feel I may be able to break my “hating cats with a passion” clause for that little feller. And Lilu, I have to say I am totally against pull ups. I figure this. If I’m gonna do a pull up, I want a crowd of people there to celebrate my ability to lift my body weight using only my arms. But if there is a crowd of people surrounding the well when I fall in it, I would expect one of those hot townspeople, or at the very least a fireman to pull me out. I should probably stop watching Lifetime movies.
.-= carissa´s last blog ..CH-ch-ch-ch-ch-Channnngessss and Post it note Tuesday =-.
I’m changing my cats name to Axe Murderer2 since I think they must be from the same litter. I love “Well, she’s not pleasant… so that kind of rules that out” — ha!! I have to show D this.
.-= spleeness´s last blog ..funny text convo =-.
My brother is a mouth-breather too. Drives me crazzzyyy.
.-= Taylor´s last blog ..Baby, I’m back =-.
Do you think he’s making Axe Murderer fat because he secretly is trying to make her as big as a tiger?
.-= shine´s last blog ..The Incredible Shrinking Shine =-.
My hubs found a great use for the baby”s Boppy pillow. He uses it around his neck so he doesn’t have to hold his head up! It’s much cheaper than that Sky Mall contraption. Just FYI.
.-= Adrienzgirl´s last blog ..Sixty Seconds or Monday Minute =-.
I will never do a pull up. Never.
.-= k8´s last blog ..And It Begins… =-.
Pull ups are so hard–we do a modified version of them in my Pilates class, and ouch! Also, it really would suck to doe that way.
.-= Her´s last blog ..The eloquence of grief =-.
LOL @ mouth breathers! I breathe with my mouth when I’m asleep! Can’t help it. Sorry.
B is funny! ;p
.-= The Mercurial Wife´s last blog ..Where You And I Laugh Till We Spill Our Guts =-.
I love your boyfriend.
.-= Kristina P.´s last blog ..Quid Pro Churro =-.
What DO they say about mouth breathers?? 0_0
And btw I do the towel thing sometimes too…
.-= Dict´s last blog ..How to write shorter essays on Microsoft Office Word =-.
Oh, you kids. On my life list is going: Be a fly on the wall at LiLu and B’s house. (Only in the, uh, appropriate times, of course.)
Also, if you can do a pull up you’re my hero.
.-= LesleyG´s last blog ..She loves you, yeah yeah yeah =-.
Do we need to have a fund-raiser so you and B can buy a pillow for your head on the couch?
.-= Skylers Dad´s last blog ..Hey Boys and Girls! What Time Is IT!?! =-.
I was really waiting for him to start with ‘PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET’ during the death-well comment.
B is losing it. He’s LOSING IT.
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Wrapping up the Week – March 28, 2010 =-.
These comments are so silly. They always remind me of things my guy says. It’s nice to have a silly boyfriend.
Next pet should be a Collie. In case you’re ever stuck in well or something…
.-= Nikki´s last blog ..A visit with Baby Dori =-.
Always my favorite posts of yours….gotta love the things men say!
.-= Kim´s last blog ..It’s Not Easy Being Blue =-.
Mouth breathers are gross I agree. Unfortunately pregnancy makes you congested as hell and I have become one sometimes recently. And since you’re pregnant you can’t take decongestants! It sucks b/c I know it’s gross but I can’t help it! It’s driving me bat shit!
You really make me laugh. I so needed this today. Thanks!
I have a confession to make: I am an occasional mouth-breather. There, I said it. Am I proud of it? No. But sometimes, when my allergies* are bad, it’s my only option. (Gosh, it feels good to say that out loud…)
*Yes, I have allergies too. I’m disgusting! A monster!
.-= Jane´s last blog ..…and I did it! =-.
I sort of love your boyfriend. Hilarious
.-= JM´s last blog ..JMFat’s Knick-Knacks =-.
I can do about 1 pull-up on those bars that you can hang in the doorway. One and done. Then my arms are sore and I figure that’s good enough.
.-= Liebchen´s last blog ..Now who do I root for? =-.
He does have a point on that first one…but only in that it WOULD suck to die in a well. Other than that not really though.
.-= Dani´s last blog ..I only hope we can be as cool as the yellow jacket boys… =-.
I love that you accuse him of being a mouth breather but hastily jump to his defense in case we think he really is.
That’s true love, that is.
.-= Soda and Candy´s last blog ..Dear Cell Phone… =-.
UH…pull ups,I’d DIE trying!lol
.-= Sweta´s last blog ..DU-OODE! =-.
Ah, man. I have some chronic issue where my tissues swell shut, if I lay down I can’t breathe thru my nose. Consequently I am a loud breather/snorer/drooler yah. It sucks. I do the strips, the spray, the pills, all dat. It’s really not sexy and I wish it wasn’t true. But along with a tendancy to hold chubby around my middle, its part of my genetic makeup I have no control over. Laaaaame.
Pull ups=most awesome underappreciated excercise there is. Excellent compound movement; use the assist machine, get your form right, buy yourself shots the first time you can lift your bodyweight.
This is my goal for 2010. I will do unassisted widegrip pullups and chins.
@mooooog…heeheeheeheheeeee gross.
.-= Alyxmyself´s last blog ..Getting Real, or FaMiLy =-.
by brother is also a mouth breather. we call it catching flies
My cats are getting fat too – well, one of them is. The other one is ridiculously skinny. I think the fat cat eats his food. Sigh. Yesterday, my brother called me a cat lady. The only thing I have in my defense is the fact that I’m not single…
.-= Herding Cats´s last blog ..Can it be Spring Break forever please? =-.
wow!! another crazy post, huh??
love it!!
xoxo
.-= seyma´s last blog ..Fabulous Quote of the Day =-.
The Shiz B Says is always a crowd pleaser! Until you get one of those neck pillows, you can use a normal bedroom pillow. I’m leaning against mine right now
.
.-= City Girl´s last blog ..Just friends…right? =-.
It WOULD suck to die in a well.
.-= Emil´s last blog ..Identity crisis? Don’t think so. Or, How I learned to love D.C. =-.
if i was stuck in a well with a bar in it? i probably wouldn’t want out. just drop a hot guy down there.
.-= verybadcat´s last blog ..Cheeky, Redux =-.
what’s worse – a mouth breather or a snotter?
.-= ExMi´s last blog ..I Shit You Not =-.
I love the fact that he’s given thought to dying in a well – like who does that?
.-= littlemsblogger´s last blog ..Match.com and eHarmony, Here I Come….. =-.
I love the fact that he’s given thought to dying in a well – like who does that?
Hey, since plump cat is mean can I borrow her to get rid of the freakin male mockingbird in my yard – I’d love to get some sleep one night SOOONNNNNN..
.-= littlemsblogger´s last blog ..Match.com and eHarmony, Here I Come….. =-.
I always get a chuckle out your your’s and B’s converstaons. Thanks for sharing.
You and B make me so happy. Seriously, when I think of awesome, perfect, hilarious, healthy couples, I think of you guys.
.-= Olivia Rae´s last blog ..lemonade & a wheelbarrow. =-.
i can totally relate, its hard to hold up your head!
I think we should send all mouth breathers to an island somewhere and let them battle it out for King of the Mouth Breathers.
Okay, I have not idea where that came from. Sorry.
Otherwise…B’s grows increasingly awesome as the weeks roll by, doesn’t he?
.-= danielle´s last blog ..Book Review: Ship Breaker by Paolo Bacigalupi =-.
Awh yay …I love these posts!
And, uhm, for those other people (who aren’t me) who don’t know what ‘they’ say about mouthbreathers, you should probably spell it out…..they’re probably too embarrassed to ask cos they’ll look clueless….I’D explain, since I SO know what it is, but it is YOUR blog and I don’t want to step on any toes…. *cough*
.-= Hermia´s last blog ..Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now =-.
Ahhh the loud breathing, I hate that. Of course, then after I make a snide remark I feel like Kate Gosselin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZBQGNdSSmY
Is it possible that Axe Murderer so fat she’s become the mouth breather?
i love the shiz your boyfriend says! i guess if baby jessica could have done pull-ups, she wouldnt have been in the well so long?!?
I’d probably die in the well too.
.-= SilverNeurotic´s last blog ..The Art of Forgiveness =-.
She’s not pleasant, she’s just plump. I almost died. She didn’t *hear* this conversation, did she?! You’re going to hurt her little kitty feelings!
.-= Heather Rose´s last blog ..Ganked =-.
LOL “she’s not pleasant”.. so Axe Murderer is really living up to her name, uh ? lol.. crazy furbabies.
I think everyone’s falling for your bf over this post
I think he’s just setting the bar very high for my next bfs .. they will HAVE to be able to say stuff as silly as what B says. It’s going on my list of requirements.
.-= Aritza, Goddess of ..´s last blog ..Goddess of .. Bows, Roses & Endless Ruffles ! =-.
Ah. The question that has eluded us all, until now-
How to not have to hold your head up while you’re watching TV. Now, the world knows!
I’m always looking for ways to lazyficate my TV viewing. I will try this towel scheme tonight. I will report back with my findings.
.-= brad´s last blog ..this is less of a post and more of a personal plea to J. J. Abrams, Jeff Lieber, and Damon Lindelof =-.
haha love that he had a towel to prop his head up, so ridiculous.
.-= katelin´s last blog ..We’re a Happy Star Mac family now. =-.
Not fat…FLUFFY!
.-= WendyB´s last blog ..Book Club: A Distant Mirror, Part II =-.
Haha, awesome. Push ups are good for situations like that. Once near Fenway I dropped my wallet in one of those holes on the sidewalk that are really deep and must lead to a creepy basement of a club. I jumped down like I was spiderman and then popped back up. Now that I think about it, it was probably the alcohol that gave me the strength.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..zumba =-.
I could NOT handle two seconds in the same room as a mouth-breather!
.-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..‘Doing Things Differently™’ – My Week In Review [Part Eight] =-.
A towel to hold your head up?
B IS A GENIUS!
.-= sleepyjane´s last blog ..And I went ahead and did it anyway, because he asked =-.
You should just install the TV onto the ceiling so he can watch it lying down XD
.-= Witless Fool´s last blog ..Poker: learning one step at a time =-.
haha. too funny. i love the weird stuff that comes out of people’s mouths sometimes.
.-= cari´s last blog ..love never fails you… =-.
LOL awesomeness. Why B used towel instead of a mini pillow or something?:D
Noah wants one of those neck thingies too. I keep refusing…how lazy are you that you can’t hold up your own head? Geez. Men.
.-= Kari´s last blog ..Why o why? =-.
Dying in a well *would* suck. Good call, B.
.-= Amy — Just A Titch´s last blog ..I’m Not =-.
Do mouth breathers know they’re mouth breathers? *shivers* The sound gives me the heebie jeebies.
I should tell Chuck to try the towel thing. That way I don’t have to listen to him bitch and complain every.stinkin.day about how his neck hurts from “holding his head up”. Men are weenies!
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