I woke up yesterday morning to an SOS message in my inbox.
“Dear Lilu…aka Karaoke Queen….
I have NEVER been….
I have been invited to go….
March 13….
Would you consider writing a blog post on HOW TO KARAOKE?
I mean seriously….how many drinks are involved?
Do you pick a song based on ease of lyrics or personal love?
I am intrigued and terrified at the same time.”
~ Donna
Well, Donna. Given that I know a little something about unabashedly crooning for strangers, particularly in seedy bars, how could I not help a sister out?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Rules to PWNing Karaoke
First things first. You want to get there early and snag a table with an excellent view of the humiliations- I mean, performances. Choose a place that serves ginormous beers on the cheap so you don’t miss having your name called by the DJ while ordering a beverage. You should occasionally have someone bring a round of shots by to lube the wind pipes your dignity.
Drink heavily and with purpose. You need to be bordering on sloppy drunk but perform justbefore going over the edge. Timing is of the essence here, people.
Now, the venue. It’s preferable if the place is extra shady; things like poor lighting and the stunted walls of an acoustically-challenged basement can only help you here, folks.
Next, you’re going to need a group of friends to share the pathetic experience with you. More is better because it increases the chances of anyone remembering anything. Less is better because it decreases the chances of anyone remembering anything. Either way, you should definitely choose them from the “Will Have to Love You Anyway” pile.
Now it’s song choice time. There are a few basic rules to this:
1. Make sure you know either 50% of the words or 100% of the beat. Make SURE. Just because you rocked City High’s “What Would You Do” in high school doesn’t mean you can do it now, friend. Trust.
2. Choose a song the whole bar will want to sing. Unless you’ve actually got serious skills, class participation is key to making everyone forget that you probably kind of blow at this. Also? Nothing downer, unless it’s hilarious, like All 4 One’s “I Swear.” No one wants to hear you wail out to T.L.C.’s ”Waterfall” or, God forbid, Oasis’ “Wonderwall.” Save that for the car. (Not applicable when driving in Southeast D.C.)
3. DO NOT choose one of the most cliché karaoke songs ever. It makes the bartender groan because you are now that person that put on “Friends in Low Places” or ”Don’t Stop Believin’” for the eleventy millionth time . I don’t care if it reminds you of college and a time when you didn’t know what IBS was. Do not be That Guy/Girl.
(…Let someone else do it. Because I guarantee they will, and then you get to sing it anyway. God, I love those songs.)
Once you take the stage, which should be earlier on the night (you don’t want to have to follow anything awesome- you want to BE the awesome!)… anyhoo, you’re going to want to have a set of decent and/or ridiculous but wholly entertaining dance moves at your disposal. These will be helpful during musical interludes, places where you flat out forget lines or totally lose the beat, or to dodge items should they start, um… coming your way. (Remember the five D’s: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!)
There’s really only one word you need to know to give a unique and memorable karaoke performance:
COMMITMENT.
Don’t half-ass it, folks. If you suck, suck royally. If you dance, dance your heart out. If you don’t know the words, sing louder. OWN your time on that stage. Own it hard.
Whether you like it or not, friend, you’re putting on a show. You might as well make it epic… for better or for worse.
***Update!
Addendum: When coming to the grandiose finish of your performance, no matter WHAT song you’re singing, you must thrust your arms in the air in a “V for Victory!” fashion and shout, “KNIBB HIGH FOOTBALL RULES!!!!!!!!!!”
That is all.***
{ 98 comments }
So, I’ve never sang karaoke…I KNOW. I reallyyyy appreciate this guide, because I’m pretty sure I’m planning on doing it for my birthday next month. Love this.
Yup. You better practice up for Vegas, woman.
I have broken several of those karaoke rules.
But, I can sing well, and the best songs for me are the overly depressing songs (think: I can’t make you love me by Bonnie Riatt).
However, I sang once while on vacation in Jamaica, and sang said depressing song, and it was so good (I’m not tooting my own horn here, but I got a standing ovation) that no one else would risk embarrassment and sing Karaoke. It was over in an hour, and I was to blame.
So now, I don’t sing. Unless I am with someone who sucks royally, and wishes to have an accomplice to their disgrace. Otherwise, I end up ruining the fun.
I should have been clear. These rules are exclusively for people who suck royally (whether they know it or not).
.-= T. The Destructor´s last blog ..Hair today, gone tomorrow. =-.
Yes, definitely go all the way. Nothing sucks worse than half-assed sucking.
So true.
.-= James´s last blog ..Spanglish Spoken Here =-.
Hmmm. That rule could apply to some other things, too.
.-= James´s last blog ..Spanglish Spoken Here =-.
I too have never karaoked.
It’s almost a travesty.
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS
.-= Ben´s last blog ..I’M FRIENDS WITH KELLY CLARKSON, MOTHERWHATTERS!!!!!!!!!!! =-.
I’m pretty sure I’m googling karaoke bars in Vegas right now. You ARE going to Vegas right?
.-= Just A Girl´s last blog ..Rules for sex stories =-.
I went out once with my parents and someone did Hotel California… there was about 30-40 people in the place and about half of them were my age…
Of those that were my age… EVERY SINGLE ONE was singing along with the singer… my parents were amazed that everyone knew all the lyrics…
Yes, this is what impressed my parents about my generation. We know all the lyrics to Hotel California.
I think you’re basically a Communist if you DON’T.
.-= JP´s last blog ..Post 54 =-.
I karaoke’d once, in a small-town bar where nobody knew me, and I never again saw the people I went with after that vacation.
I believe the next group foray out to the bar MUST be karaoke night now. For the good of the greater populace.
Oh, it happens on about a monthly basis… planned or not.
.-= Elliott´s last blog ..Movie Mania Monday – Call me some time when you have no class =-.
This is awesome. I feel the need to visit you now more than ever.
DO IT DO IT!!!!!!!!!
My favorite karaoke moment…. A couple of friends decided to close out the night with “Stairway to Heaven. ” They had put away quite a few over the course of the night and that song is so.freaking.long. To up the entertainment value a bit, they conferred during one of the instrumental sections and decided to rock out HARD on the next section. A little too hard considering it resulting in the two of them cracking heads at one point leaving one with a bleeding forehead.
The shady bar part is a necessity. No one wants to go to one of those places where everyone singing acts like they are there to be discovered by a record company. Nothing ruins a buzz like someone belting out “New York, New York” like they’re on Broadway.
Oh, I don’t know. I’m a sucker for Franky done well. This is more designed for people who are tone deaf.
…Like me.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Happy Birthday! Love, Ray =-.
Exactly. Thus, why I have hung my karaoke cap up permanently.
I’d sing the shit out of New York, New York. Best believe it.
.-= T. The Destructor´s last blog ..Hair today, gone tomorrow. =-.
I just had my first legit karaoke experience last month, and while I was no pro like you, I thought I held my own—played a mean tambourine and belted my heart out to “Since U Been Gone.” Until, uh, I read this list. And now I’m all rethinking my performance… Shoot.
You better come down here so we can try it again.
.-= Hannah´s last blog ..The hard go. =-.
Fact: City High was NO WHERE NEAR as bad as the time I tried shoop at peyote.
This is true. I think I cried. And it was out of pity.
.-= Maxie´s last blog ..Hola, Mamacita =-.
CAUSE IIIIII WAAAANT IT THAAAAAT WAAAAAY!
100% of those lyrics. Both times. That’s so bad. Awesome though.
It was EPIC.
.-= Just A Girl´s last blog ..Rules for sex stories =-.
Hahhaha… Yeah, I’m NOT a karaoke person, by any means… however, the very few times I have done ANY kind of singing in a bar, I apparently followed the rules! Awesome. (I think my last was a piano bar sing along in Jamaica… pulled along by other drunky drunk honeymooners as John just kept ordering me drinks
I can basically guarantee there will be karaoke at my WEDDING, never mind my honeymoon.
.-= Dana´s last blog ..Baby Time! =-.
I can no longer do karaoke because I no longer drink. It’s probably for the best. Ha!
Win/win!
.-= k8´s last blog ..Curiouser and Curiouser =-.
I love karaoke! Great rules. Let’s go! I tend to frequent the local gay bar, Remmington’s but I’m in for a new place.
I live dangerously close to Peyote. Just sayin.
.-= Grace´s last blog ..Food Friday: Banana Cream Bread =-.
Love the advice, def will usually if I get the balls to go to the karoke bar in Florida and actually sing.
And I’ll dedicate it to youuu! <3
YES. Best idea ever! Make sure to tape it…
.-= Nickie´s last blog ..I love the ipod touch!! =-.
def will use it* geez, do i type much?
.-= Nickie´s last blog ..I love the ipod touch!! =-.
jenniferalaine and i rocked city high that night to a silent room (except for you folks). perhaps we should have considered the demographics of the bar patrons before choosing a song.
Oh, iChat. What did I do before you??
.-= cavy´s last blog ..love happens in the kitchen. =-.
Cavy has it all wrong. *I* rocked city high except for the chorus when she jumped in because apparently I’m the only person who can read words as they’re scrolling across the screen. Don’t let her fool you.
Also, that song was awkward because of the stupidly pregnant broad who was IN A BAR. WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT. WTF?!
NINE MONTHS PREGNANT. WHILE GRINDING UP ON HER COWORKERS.
Small, but important detail.
.-= jenniferalaine´s last blog ..check ‘em out! =-.
i still maintain that we were better than that shoddy group of people who knew NONE of the words to “where is the love” and gave us the mikes when we went up there to show them what was up.
.-= cavy´s last blog ..exsqueeze me? =-.
Oh karaoke….how I love you! Um, I’m guilty of singing “Don’t Stop Believing” many 1000 times during a karaoke session. Yes, I’m THAT girl. It’s my go-to drunk off my ass song. I think I need a new one though!
Well, I do love singing along WITH That Girl. So, not the end of the world.
Woman! You rock! Not that I didn’t know this fact before, but you are just SO helpful!
Sadly I cannot choose the location or the group of people, but I am assured of drinks drinks drinks.
I must go practice my song…..perhaps the Duet Picture song? I have a willing partner!
Better than standing up there alone.
PS your blog is 100% mobile-friendly!!! Yessss!
Yesssss. Thesis is awesome like that!
I have never been karaokeing. Is that a word? It freaks me out! But yes, I will wear a Snuggie in public.
Speaking of Snuggies, I am doing a Snuggie fundraiser for elderly residents of nursing homes. I am not joking. Considering your love of the Snuggie, you need to come visit!
Only if you do karaoke in a Snuggie.
.-= Kristina P.´s last blog ..Throwing in the Bowel =-.
Ok let me say I have done actual karaoke one time. I don’t drink it was at a Rio’s steakhouse nad I had a ball although I was seriously ticked at their lack of Patsy CLine and such..
I have walked out of karaoke bars for not having some classics. It’s just WRONG.
I read an interesting story over at Men’s Health on How to sing Karaoke
Thanks for that tidbit.
.-= Dmbosstone´s last blog ..No Day Like Today =-.
Also…
DON’T EVER – under ANY circumstance – use the karaoke guy’s blow-up guitar for effect.
The audience will – if given the chance – try to beat you to death with it.
Especially if you’re singing ‘Daniel’ which not only sucks, but doesn’t have a solo in it.
Don’t ask me how I know that.
I’m a fan of the air-guitar split ending.
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Wrapping up the Week – Feb 28, 2010 =-.
ADDENDUM:
1. Pick a song that may have been cliched several years back and rip it apart. If you’re a guy, make sure it’s a female vocals song or you’ll look like an idiot rather than a fool. EX. I am a big fan of singing “Baby One More Time” and really belting it out. I’ve gotten free shots for that one.
2. If you really can sing, show off your talent by rocking a song no one else can even fathom singing. Blow their asses away. EX. “Proud Mary” – Tina Turner, anything by Pat Benatar, “I’d Do Anything For Love” – Meat Loaf (I sang this while dressed as a scary clown and blew so many asses away that people were forced to stand)
3. Sing something that will embarrass the shit out of you. “Sweet Transvestite” from Rocky Horror is classic for this, but make sure you know when to pause, speak, and sing. Again “I’d Do Anything For Love”, especially if you can sing TO someone in the crowd. The song is over 8 minutes long…. you’d better have some moves.
4. Whatever you do, don’t try to rap! You will only look stupid, sound stupid, and probably start to feel stupid. You are not Eminem. And karaoke dive bar crowds don’t want to hear rap as much as they don’t want to hear Freebird.
This advice from former Karaoke King, the freshest of fresh, -Oats
These are fantastic. We saw a guy KILL “I’d Do Anything for Love” a few months ago. I’m pretty sure we tried to buy him drinks too. Amazing.
.-= Justin (Oats)´s last blog ..Reflections on the Transition from 25 to 26, Part II =-.
any special tips for the damn near tone deaf?
i’ve always said that there isn’t enough liquor in the county to inspire me to karaoke. strictly a car and shower star, over here…
Love, apparently you have never heard me sing. Anyone in my life will testify that I suffer the very same affliction. Cure? Belting out “My Give-A-Damn’s Busted” at karaoke. You’re welcome.
.-= verybadcat´s last blog ..I’m Kind of A Big Deal =-.
Britney Spears is always a good choice…because you know…however you perform it it’s gonna be an improvement…
Oh, ZING. Haha!
.-= SilverNeurotic´s last blog ..Snow and renovations =-.
i am soooo LAME….never karaoked before EVER.
i’ve sang loudly in a bar to “Paradise by the dashboard light” but who hasn’t , right?
Girl, you haven’t lived! It’s a rite of passage. Everyone must karaoke at least ONCE.
.-= tina´s last blog ..17 Years ago…… =-.
There’s a song called “Friends in Low Places”??? That sounds RUDE…
This is my face of “shock and awe.” There are people who have not heard this song?
.-= Paula´s last blog ..RANDOM WEEKEND ACTIVITIES . . . =-.
Hand on heart, I HONESTLY have not heard that song, even after watching the link it wasn’t familiar. Maybe cos I’m not American. Oh well. I won’t be singing it in karaoke anytime soon I guess . . .
Definitely an American thing. You’re not missing a WHOLE lot.
.-= Paula´s last blog ..RANDOM WEEKEND ACTIVITIES . . . =-.
I’m such a big chicken….still a karaoke virgin. You’re advice is sound, I will file it away for such a day as I get drunk enough to try it!
I’ll take your Karaoke Cherry. I have taken many…
.-= Michelle (bikramyogachick)´s last blog ..Day 59: Two Firsts =-.
This is AWESOME. You should post a video of belting out! I won a comp in college singing Just Dont Know What To Do With Myself just like Cameron Diaz from My Best Friends Wedding. It was so much fun!!
See: all the links above
…I’m so ashamed. I’m *that* girl. (hangs head)
DONT STOP BELIEVINNNNNNNNNNNN
Hold on to that FEEEEEEE-EEEE-EEEEEELLLLIIIIINNNNNNNNNNN
Oh yeah, that felt good.
We groan, but secretly, we love it.
Just not three times in one night.
.-= Stacie´s last blog ..BILF: Bloggers I’d like to… =-.
Karaoke is not for me but maybe as you suggested, if I get drunk, I might then do it and make an ass of myself!
Terrific pointers! ;p
They’ve served me well, anyway…
.-= The Mercurial Wife´s last blog ..ZOMG! My First Blogger Award =-.
AWESOME. Loved this and am def. going to pass this on to a girlfriend who’s been begging me to come karaoke with her to overcome her fear of singing in front of people! Also? Practising with Rock Band totally helps too
.-= Emily Jane´s last blog ..Protected: My Real Self Portrait =-.
My friends from college and I have tried NUMEROUS times to karaoke to Micheal Bolton’s ‘How Can We Be Lovers?’…. but the DJ conveniently “never has it on his list.”
Lying sack of shit.
So now that we’re all over the country, we just call each other and sing it into our phones when it comes on, well, anywhere.
Awww. It’s like the Traveling Pants, except Michael Bolton… so way cooler.
.-= Jeney´s last blog ..My Final Post =-.
I love me some karaoke!
I slut it up with some Divinyls ” I Touch Myself!”
There’s always one.
I kid, I kid.
.-= Lil’ Woman´s last blog ..Our Little Violinist =-.
I’m a big fan of the partner karaoke. I’ll do it (if drunk enough) but I don’t like to be up there on my own.
Also, re song choice – I have a friend whose absolute favorite karaoke song is Wonderwall. It is not good. Maybe I should pass this along.
For everyone’s sake. And especially mine, if she’s in DC…
.-= Liebchen´s last blog ..What Megan Fox and I have in common =-.
But by the time you get to the end you just sound like a broken record repeating “I touch myself, I touch myself, I touch myself” Still fun though.
The trick is to do it in a different accent every time.
.-= Lil’ Woman´s last blog ..Our Little Violinist =-.
Personally, I like to punctuate each ‘I touch myself’ by grabbing a different part of my body, and when I run out of my own body parts… I grab other peoples.
Isn’t it odd that if you replaced Karaoke with “Sky-Dads Sex Life” this post still fits perfectly.
HA!
.-= Skylers Dad´s last blog ..Our Local Rec Center =-.
Tom Jones. Rocked it. Was sloppy drunk every time. Sang with the pink elephant. I WAS THERE.
Before I got all old, boring and mortgagey. BTW I just renewed at only 3.84%! I can’t believe that excites me. I think I’m your next target for help.
So sexy. Truly.
.-= Mike´s last blog ..60 Minutes =-.
OMG. If (when) I ever come to DC we are going to karaoke, woman!
That is a promise.
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..You look like a monkey, and you smell like one, too =-.
So don’t hoard the mic and try to sing as many songs as humanly possible without needing any alcoholic beverages??
What? I’ve NEVER done that.
Never ever ever…
.-= Marie´s last blog ..Never Give Up =-.
We used to do this thing in college on Halloween where we’d all get dressed up in costume, have a bonfire and do karaoke…we called it Scary-oke. There’s nothing better than drunk people in flamable costumes hanging around a giant pile of burning wood and singing karaoke at the top of their lungs.
Pure, unadulterated, GENIUS.
We have karaoke at the bar on Tuesdays after kickball and there’s this one chick who’s always wearing a ninja mask…she sings “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and talks trash during the musical interludes…I should record it as an example of how to rock karaoke hardcore. You’d love it.
Yes, yes I would.
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Family Tie-Me-Up-and-Hang-Me =-.
Side note? An overzealous and poorly choreographed karaoke session is how I broke my nose when I was 18. So maybe what you REALLY need a post on how to sing in public SAFELY. Fo realz. <3
I am Klutz Numero Uno, my dear. Even as we speak my left knee is scraped up like a five year old’s. There will be no safety advice from me.
.-= Brittney´s last blog ..Yay, Free Stuff! {My First Ever GiveAway} =-.
OMG. I would never have the *balls* to try to sing karaoke. [Mostly because I am a girl, and having balls would just be weird. ]
You would if I was pouring tequila down your throat. JUST SAYIN.
.-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Doing Things Differently – My Week In Review [Part Four] =-.
Im not sure if there is enough alcohol in the whole wide world to get me to sing in public! But, I do believe YOU could be quite convincing!
.-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Doing Things Differently – My Week In Review [Part Four] =-.
Just when I think you couldnt be cooler, you reach down into your girlie sack and this comes out! God you rock!
I have never EVER never Kareoke’d before, and I feel like I could keep up with the drinking thing; however, choice would kill me. Regardless, I do have mad Jazz Hands, and if the rules from “Bring it On” are on like you say, then I am super great for sure….now I just have to find friends who will go with….
Anyhow, thanks for the guide, you have officially given me a goal!
Danon
I’m honored.
.-= Danon´s last blog ..Dear Ann Landers, eat your heart out! =-.
Yes!!!! It’s about time someone wrote this up!
Sometimes I switch up the lyrics ‘Weird Al’ style for extra credit.
Did you know that the hardest song to sing in ‘Difficult Karaoke Review’ issue 4 volume 3 is ‘End of the World as We Know It’ by REM?
I did not… but it sure sounds like YOU do…
.-= eric´s last blog ..Greece in the Frying Pan (Guai a Caldo di Grecia) =-.
And don’t pick Salt ‘n’ Pepas “Push It” because it’s your fave 90s song and you love the chorus. No, you will NOT know how to rap the verses. No. And you will embarass yourself. HARDCORE.
Leaving your boyfriend sitting in the corner while you gesture for him to come join you and he continues to ignore you and look the other way. That bad.
Best. Visual. EVER.
I demand a repeat performance whenever we finally do meet.
.-= Margarita´s last blog ..On failing, careers, life dreams & knowing it’s all going to be okay. =-.
Unless you’re a fucking super-talented singer, I recommend NO Journey. Those are badddddd crash-and-burns!
And so long. So very, VERY long.
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..One Second, Norm. Let Me Calculate Your Worth (in donuts). =-.
Oh God. Excellent tips! This was the best karaoke night of my life…all because of this guys mustache (he sang that song where you’re basically and auction caller, no clue what it’s called). He also not drink a drop and came by himself.
You have to scroll
http://nikkidz.blogspot.com/2010/01/little-red-hen.html
I am not going to rest until I find B that mustache.
.-= Nikki´s last blog ..Via Tribunali =-.
great rules! i agree…friends help! especially if they are front and center cheering/slurring you on! i also am a fan of the ones that do, instead of awesomely bad dance moves, the AIR GUITAR! that is usually busted out during a good bon jovi song…and always a crowd favorite. good look all you karokee-fools! it is always a good time!
Friends are clutch, especially when losing your karaoke cherry. So true.
.-= allison´s last blog ..Friday Night Lights…Camera…Action! =-.
I’m all about Pour Some Sugar On Me. Completely wasted. And I crawl on the floor.
I keep it classy, duh.
I can just see you whipping the hair.
.-= Elizabeth Marie´s last blog ..Nineteen. =-.
I’ve never done karaoke. For that to happen, I think you’d have to get me really drunk and there had better be no video evidence.
(twss)
VEGAS.
.-= Jamie´s last blog ..dove visibily smooth chicago girls night out =-.
Great rules, Lilu! I wish I had known them before my own great Karaoke fiasco. The singing sucked well enough, yes, but I couldn’t help but think that I could have used just a few more shots before my big debut. Next time I will be better prepared. The song? ” Paloma Blanca.” Hey, I said it sucked!
As long as you OWN the suckage!
.-= Tom @ Sophisticated Lunacy´s last blog ..The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself, Except… =-.
A post that’s informative, educational AND entertaining?! Not quite sure how you do it, but thank you.
This should be an elective in college, no?
.-= The Only Girl´s last blog ..It’s All Over Rover =-.
Now I want to go do karaoke. Too bad I’m at work.
We sometimes do drunk karaoke AT work. No lie. This place can be awesome sometimes.
.-= Wonderful´s last blog ..Weekend Recap =-.
Fan-frickin-tastic girl. I love this column. Oh and by the way, I think the last piece of advice you dished out applies to all walks of life, not just kareoki… or at least that’s how I do it. No half assing anything. Big or broke, that’s how I roll.
Luv IT!!!
So, so true. Go big or go home.
I’m with Jamie, you’d better get me all hopped up on tequila (although that’s a fine line because I can pretty much black out after one sip) and there better not be any photography/videography to be had.
Is that a threat? Because I WILL do it.
.-= thatShortChick´s last blog ..the makings of an identity crisis? =-.
I got the following text message from a friend this weekend while he was at a karaoke bar:
“Just watched a super fat lady that sang duke of hearts but when she was spinning one of her fat rolls hit the surge protector and shut down the computer. Seriously…that just happened.”
I need to go to karaoke more.
With ME, preferably.
.-= kate´s last blog ..Hey, there, March! =-.
Great tips. Never done Karaoke drunk though. Haha! But yeah, you gotta do it full out either way! And AMEN to not picking common karaoke songs. Some nights, you’ll hear a select couple 3 or 4 times before the night is over… then they don’t leave your head for about 2 weeks.
Well, my dear, you can actually SING, so these rules are not for you.
.-= Mikael´s last blog ..Saying Saturday II =-.
I have never karaoked before. There I said it. It’s like a huge weight off my shoulders.
My favorite karaoke story (from my mom): She was at a bar and a huge biker dude walks in rocking the leather and a worn out bandana. Guy is ginormous and has a biker chick with him. Mom said she was slightly intimidated (him being 4 times the size of her sitting down). And then he signed up to sing. She described the following to me. “And then he got up, and I was expecting the worst, like he would probably sing Bad to the Bone or something. But no, he sang a ballad. And he had the voice of an angel.”
Never judge a book by its cover peeps.
THAT HAS TOTALLY HAPPENED TO ME.
Inside, we all just want to be loved…
.-= Kristen´s last blog ..Central Bottle & how2heroes Wine Pairing =-.
Brilliant 5-Ds ref. Perfect.
But did you forget the “record it and document your humiliation” step? Or is that part only in the expert “how to karaoke” course that we have, obviously, DOMINATED?
SO I love drunky karaoke and I was really hoping for a list of song suggestions? NO? My go-tos are “Something to Talk About” by Bonnie Rait and “What I Got” by Sublime, but I really need to branch out
See, this is why I love you. You have no shame. Or maybe you did at one point but you buried it in your backyard along with those Hanson CDs I saw that one time I stalked you. But that’s neither here nor there.
I have actually done a pretty kick ass version of Wonderwall, but maybe everyone was just so drunk that couldn’t tell if I was singing that or something else.
I agree. Commitment is KEY. Key, I tell you.
.-= J´s last blog ..Writing is Poop =-.
LiLu, you’ll be happy to know that my office has a karaoke night scheduled next month. Your blog post was just emailed to everyone in the office.
.-= nikki´s last blog .."An eerie glow was beginning to fill the dollhouse"….or The Dollhouse Murders =-.
fab. post per usual… i would just like to add that there is a fine line between being drunk enough and too drunk for karaoke.
that line can only be found by experience and experimenting, which requires two things which i love: drinking and singing.
final rule: if it’s your bachelorette party, don’t let a bitch-of-a-bridesmaid record you singing, and def. don’t post the vid on your blog for tmi thursday… well, unless you are awesome.
.-= Amber Tidd Murphy´s last blog ..pre-birthday and 100 followers! celebration =-.
I couldn’t ever, but I sure as hell don’t mind watching other people do it!
How did you know that tonight is karaoke night? The location? A place called the 44 Club, right next to a strip club. Cash only, smoke so thick you have to wash your hair twice to get rid of it, and drinks so strong you only need 2.
Best memory? The man named Bill who walked with a cane, drank nothing but whiskey, had an oxygen tank as a companion, and who toured with Merle Haggard. He rocked karaoke every time, right up until the very night he passed away. That man? He truly had style. Right up until the very end.
All good reasons why I will never ever ever in my life sing karaoke. Ever. Ever ever.
.-= BigMamaCass´s last blog ..Mommy and Monkey Monday =-.
I’m assuming if I meet up with you guys when you come to Sin City, there will be an expectation that I sing? Ugh. I had better work owning my tone deafness. That is so totally a word in my world.
.-= colby´s last blog ..Does vodka count as a food group? =-.
I loved all of your tips! I agree, you definitely must put your all into your performance. I love to sing but hell no in front of other people – fam excluded. I have to have like a keg or some serious hard liquor to get on stage. One of my BFF’s dragged me up one night, I was only half drunk – my first mistake, to sing Dixie Chicks. I tried but she is such an awful singer and a great performer that she owned it and I looked like a total loser just along for the stage fright. Have you ever tried singing next to someone that has no sense of pitch? I always end up singing like they do and then I suck ass too. However, I do love my pals that can perform. Its like being friends with an A lister in the bar if they can get the crowd all riled up. You can even score free drinks, which is my fave. BTW, I would totally sing Wonderwall- I love that song!
.-= Kimberly@PrettyPinkMomma´s last blog ..Score a Flirty Apron at an Amazing Price! **** Coupon Extended**** =-.
I do karaoke every chance I get. In AC my friends actually sang City High’s “What Would You Do” and they rocked it, but totally forgot that it gets really offensive at the end so they had to ignore some of the words to maintain some sort of class. It was hilarious- the DJ guy gave them a pat on the back.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..vintage memories =-.
I’ve only been to Karaoke once in Malaysia and sung One Republic’s Apologize. I sucked big time. AN epic fail, that makes me cringe, when someone asks me to go to karaoke again. But after reading your post, I’m ready again
.-= My Kafkaesque Life´s last blog ..Taiwan: Work hard & live =-.
i think your rules are totally spot on and GOD do i wish i had had them when i was coerced into my first karaoke debut. i was the idiot who let her friends choose the song and thought i got the borderline-comatose-drunk part down, when the music started and i expected to hear lady gaga and pat benatar came blaring through the speakers… well, it all went downhill from there. good luck donna!
.-= sarah´s last blog ..hey! i’m not in prison! =-.
I’d love to read a guest post from her telling about her experience based upon your sage advice.
.-= corrie howe´s last blog ..Memoir Mondays – Don’t Yell, I Can Hear You! =-.
True life: I did karaoke on Sunday night. Now, I actually enjoy karaoke and do it sober, since my lifelong dream was (and still is, most days) to be Celine Dion. Country music has been good to me in karaoke bars (we’re talking a lot of Dixie Chicks, some Sara Evans, and more recently, I’ve been favoring The Wreckers), but I don’t go to the trendier karaoke bars, so I may have to amend my choices if I find somewhere classier. Although, I did just confirm my suspicions that I can still make it through What Would You Do? without stumbling, so I think we have a winner.
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Simple as it should be =-.
Or, you can just tell your friends you are totally into it, then watch them get drunk and sing horribly while taking secret pictures and videos on your phone. This option is the most fun.
There is no other way to explain this post them purely beautiful. LOL
Seriously, I have never been to Karaoke before, nor have I sung, so when the time comes (and inevitably it will), I’ll be able to revert to this post and dedicate my performance to the Karaoke Queen ^.^
heh, i’m actually headed to karaoke TONIGHT. granted, it’s part of a scavenger hunt, but i’m not going to pretend i don’t want to do it. karaoke is AWESOME. we just need to pick an appropriately awesome song for tonight, now.
.-= Alice´s last blog ..it’s march! i should write a post. =-.
My co-worker and her boyfriend always sing ‘Islands in the Stream’. Pretty ridiculous but funny. Now I want to go karaoke but I can’t drink so it won’t be any fun! Dang it!
.-= Kellie´s last blog ..Tying it all together: Sex, Dress & MS =-.
The last time my friends and I karaoki’d my girlfriend pushed me to the ground, forcefully pulled the mic from my hand, and proceeded to finish my song.
Karaoki can be a dangerous activity!
sang “like a virgin” completely sober in italy…it was epic.
The hubs’ song of choice is Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. He and his baseball chums KILL it!
The awesomest songs to do karaoke to are from 90′s pop stars / boy bands / girl bands. TRUST ME.
.-= andhari´s last blog ..The 1st Rule Of The Fight Club is, You DO NOT Talk About Fight Club =-.
Hehehe, this is the best. I’ve only been karaoke-ing once in my life, and I LOVED it. I was visiting my best friend in New Orleans, and somehow the night ended with me being dragged onstage by a pre-op transexual to sing “Girls just want to have fun.” (It’s true, they do, they do!) Somehow we ended up being besties-for-the night, she showed me her driver’s license (still her as a man), introduced me to her Mexican boyfriend (half her size and she kept knocking him over by accident because she was drunk), and finally she found my friend M’s VERY DRUNK friend G, whom we had been looking for for hours. He had curled up under a parked car sometime during “Don’t Stop Believin’” for a quick nap. Maybe he used to be a bartender?
To sum up: New Orleans, trannies, and drunken good times await you at the karaoke bar, my friends. Get a move on!
.-= Robyn´s last blog ..Death warmed over. =-.
now i do have to throw in that a good slow song can be epic if done right: think massive power pulls and chest thumping celine dion style. nothing better than mocking good old love songs.
as to good songs to sing: i would (if i did karaoke) trend towards songs that had one or two lines that kept repeating: james brown “get up offa that thing” or the blues brothers “shake your tail feather” plenty of bust a move opportunities and very few words to remember or try to hit.
Ah, a great guide. Took me right back to university… where we used to (shamefully) partake in the karaoke.
Bohemian Rhapsody was ‘our tune’. Between 10 and 20 of us would get up and sing it…
God, from what I remember — and it’s only a few shaky memories — it was so, so awful.
.-= Sebastian´s last blog ..Why men pick their nose (an ‘exploratory’ video) =-.
I love this because it’s so freaking true! I’ve karaoked a few times and the first time? Definitely the worst because who the HELL remember the lyrics to “The Boy is Mine?” Yeah, my friend and I thought we did, and it was horrible. Literally.
One of my favorites, though? You’re So Vain. It’s always a hit.
I just experienced live band karaoke last week. If the person sucked, the band would kick them off! The audience could pay $5 to have the person kicked off, and then they could pay $10 to get back on stage.
I learned of this rule after the ghetto girl sang “Wonderwall” – “mayBAAAAY you gon be da one that sAAAAAve maaaaaay…”
eesh.
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