Last week, B and I had drinks with a couple of friends from his hometown. We always have a good time with them, but this outing was particularly lovely, because they bestowed upon me the greatest idea anyone has ever had in The History of Ever.
“If we get married,” they told us, “We’re going to register at…
“SKY MALL.”
Ohnoyoudidn’t.
People, answer me true. Is this not pure, unadulterated GENIUS? Every time I’m on an airplane, I spend an hour or so looking through this goddamn ridiculous magazine, and by the time I reach the end, I’ve spent approximately $56,391 in my head.
And here’s why.
Head Spa Massager ($50)
I’ve always thought I’d make a great cylon.
- Original Backnobber II
I would totally get this for B to solve yesterday’s dilemma… if only it didn’t so closely resemble an anal probe.
- Camo Mini Binoculars ($25)
They’re camo! And mini! All the fun of Jurassic Park without any of the Jeff Goldblum stutter!
- Wrist Cell Phone Carrier ($30)
As someone who is convinced she’s lost her Blackberry 98.7% of the time… I might actually need this. It’s the cell phone equivalent of putting your kid on a leash.
- Big Foot Garden Yeti Sculpture ($100)
I don’t think any words are necessary here. (If they are, we probably can’t be friends.)
- Jumpin Jammerz – Polar Fleece Footed Pajamas ($65)
Creepiest. Slumber party. EVER.
- Stainless Steel Wallet ($90)
Free with any purchase of nunchucks from Chuck Norris R’Us.
- Cat Toilet Training System ($59)
With a name like “Litter Kwitter,” this just can’t lose.
Seriously, guys. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want every last thing here.
YOU CAN’T DO IT!!!!!!
So, eventually, when I do get hitched, you better believe I’ll be registering at Sky Mall…
Because I’m klassy like that.
{ 111 comments }
I sooooo want to register at skymall!! Pure genius my dear!
.-= Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts´s last blog ..I’m Not Drinking That! =-.
I do! Want it all! No jokin’. Registering on Sky Mall is brillz. That and The Green Head (please check it out) and you’re in business for sure.
At least your registry will be romantic. All of those mythical creatures and “backnobbers.”
FOOTIES? They sell footies for adults?!?! Who’s the bastard that’s been keeping that information from me?
They have them at Target..
Okay, that Yeti sculpture needs to be in my yard, peeking out from behind a tree to scare kids as they walk past my house on their way home from school. That’s awesome.
As far as the slumber party, that picture is just representative of something from Literotica.com.
.-= Joshua´s last blog .."Bowden" (Chapter 1, Part 2) =-.
bahahaha!!!
With the Litter Kwitter, my cat would be toilet shitting in no time!!
Excuse me, I have some shopping to do…..
.-= Tia´s last blog ..My weekend in pictures =-.
That is pure genius. They have so much random, crazy crap – you picked out some real winners, though.
.-= Vie´s last blog ..Vacation’s All I Ever Wanted =-.
Honestly, I do not want the head massager anywhere near me. That thing looks dangerous. But the Yeti sculpture, oh boy, that would be indoors, that would.
Registering at Sky Mall is genius. I mean really, who needs a gravy boat when you could have unlimited head massages??
.-= Ally´s last blog ..My Sunday =-.
I would rock that stainless steel wallet like a champion. And the yeti sculpture would be in the living room.
If the Yeti’s head and arms moved it would be in my yard – sticking out of the bushes – today. But I won’t be on any registries because, if I ever get out of this marriage alive, there will be no more.
The first thing I do every night when I put on my footie pj’s is the SPLITS.
Oh yeah.
I feel ashamed that I haven’t heard of Sky Mall … until now. And it is -genius- … I personally want the iNeed neck and back massager because it looks like armour so no one will mess with me … while I get an amazing massage.
And hey, what’s wrong with Jeff Goldblum’s stutter?
.-= Nikolett´s last blog ..springtime … ring ding dong =-.
Love the Yeti. OMG! That is awesome.
The footed pajamas? Reminds me of the skit from SNL where they all kill each other. Freakin’ hilarious!
.-= Adrienzgirl´s last blog ..Mostly Wordless WTF? Wednesday =-.
That really is ingenious!
My husband is very hard to shop for, but I am thinking, he would LOVE that Yeti. Watch for a post next Christmas about that damn thing in our yard.
.-= Hotch Potchery´s last blog ..another decision MADE =-.
If you look at the first pic of the binoculars,they kinda look like a wooden crotch,and I wondered what the deal was about.But then.Pure awesome
The headspa massager?WANT!!
.-= Sweta´s last blog ..Pocket full of Appreciation =-.
I would agree with you on wanting everything except I already own a Yeti … my husband.
You have no idea how much I want my own footie pajamas.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Sometimes, the level of hate I feel for myself is astounding; other times, I hate my kid =-.
This stainless steel wallet…does it include a wallet-sized photo of The Messiah, Chuck Norris? It should automatically come with it, but you have to ask, none the less.
.-= T. The Destructor´s last blog ..A love letter for debt collectors =-.
I would just like to add that the woman holding the anal probe looks like half woman-half Edward Hopper painting…anyone else see that???
.-= Tiffani´s last blog ..‘Chinzy’ and other random convos with mom =-.
I desperately want the stainless wallet. Had I known we could have registered at SkyMall, I totally would have. My favorite birthday gift ever came from SM, my automatic garage door closer. Perfect for feeding my neurosis that I’ve always forgotten to close the garage door when I leave.
.-= Elliott´s last blog ..Into your life it will creep =-.
i cant beleive the yeti is only 100 bucks. DONE!!!! I want it.
.-= April´s last blog ..Buffy the Childhood Slayer =-.
I’m buying you the cat toilet training system.
Also, I miss you!
.-= Marie´s last blog ..Making Our Voices Heard =-.
Wait, I just flew on an airplane this weekend and read a book. I had no idea of the entertainment I was missing! Next month when I fly again, I’m spending virtual money like you did!
My son LOVES looking at the magazine every time we travel. He always wants the popcorn machine and whatever other food gadgets they’re pushing.
.-= Frannie´s last blog ..If My Dog Could Talk… =-.
I don’t comment on here often, but I had to today. That is the best idea ever. Where else can you get the ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL? http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=13463503&c=
Nowhere else.
I would have thought the look of anal probeness would be a selling point, no?
If you get those polar fleece pajamas, will you also start doing straddle splits in large groups?
.-= shine´s last blog ..Women’s Writes =-.
HA HA HA HA HA …
You should check out http://www.uncommongoods.com they have some kick a** stuff also!
The backknobbler…. well I have a better one and it looks even more obscene check out the bodybackbuddy…. I love it and it works great seeing that I get knots in my back that are a reminder of the time I was hit by a drunk driver… but anyway I digress, if you get the combo the mini one is THE BEST BACK SCRATCHER EVER!!!! check it out at amazon…
http://www.amazon.com/Body-Back-Buddy-Mini-BBB-Massage/dp/B000N8YXL6/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1269441769&sr=8-2
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31vuyfzcH2L._SL500_AA300_.jpg
At least it makes a great conversation piece!
.-= Torn´s last blog ..Retail Vent!!! =-.
I now want to redo my entire registry. if only for the yeti. that thing is somuchbadassness i don’t even have real words for it.
.-= Squish´s last blog ..Just a Little… =-.
I also linked this on the offbeatbride site.
.-= Squish´s last blog ..Just a Little… =-.
I want them too but I dont even live there
.
.-= harini´s last blog ..Mr. Poke A Nose =-.
Best. Idea. EVER! Oh, and I want both the Yeti statue AND Litter Kwitter (even though my cats are still so small they would probably fall in the toilet)
I bet if you got the Yeti the apartment building wouldn’t mind it going in the common yard. It could really only up their appeal.
.-= Liebchen´s last blog ..Still on a bit of a Marathon high =-.
Lol hilarious…..although…..I do kinda want the Big Foot statue…..
.-= Hermia´s last blog ..But the secret is still my own….oh no, wait…. =-.
Oh man, If I show that yeti to my husband he will definitely want it.
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..just you wait =-.
“It’s the cell phone equivalent of putting your kid on a leash.”
but intrinsically less awesome, because it’s not a HUMAN ON A LEASH (i will never get over that phenomenon.)
I think you just blew my mind. How can The Original Backnobber II be the ORIGINAL if it’s part two???
.-= BeckEye´s last blog ..American Idol 9: Eleven Number Ones (And Plenty Of Number Two) =-.
I had the camo mini binoculars once but lost them.
Anything combining ‘mini’ and ‘camouflage’ is typically not a great idea.
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Wrapping up the Week – March 21, 2010 =-.
You didn’t bother to mention the hovercar!?!? It’s like I don’t even know you…
.-= Skylers Dad´s last blog ..Bad Tat Tuesday! The Kid Edition! =-.
Seeing that toilet training system for cats, it makes me think you’re going to have to VLOG trying to teach Axe Murderer and Murray how to use it.
.-= Meghan´s last blog ..All Good Things Come To An End =-.
Funny thing . . . my coworker bought her fiance the Yeti for Christmas last year. She kept it in the office so he couldn’t find it and so we moved him all over the office and decorated him on various days with different outfits. It was quite humorous. And yes, that damn Yeti now sits in their front yard.
Exact. Same. One.
.-= Tricia´s last blog ..What? It’s Just an Illusion =-.
Best.idea.ever.
I would totally take that giant yeti. Favorite item.
.-= Nickie´s last blog ..The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks Giveaway!! =-.
Can you REALLY register with Sky Mall though? I’d be down. SO DOWN. I love browsing through all the water cooled/heated dog bed, people bed, baby bed, whatever goodness.
P.s. creepiest slumber party ever only made creepier by weirdie in the front doing a split. Why?
.-= maddy´s last blog ..I forgot I had this on my phone. =-.
This is why I love you, Lilu!!!
Hilarious.
.-= Taylor´s last blog ..Mr. Perfect =-.
HOw awesome is that?? IT’s like a Sears wish book for adults lol. I think it was Bill Engval who said they sold house shoes with headlights on them to keep you from stubbing your toe.
.-= Angel´s last blog ..Pouring my heart out Wednesday with Shelle… amazement!! =-.
But now you’ve ruined all the Christmas surprises! It was going to be a Yeti-themed year with footie pj’s and head massagers for all!
Um, in the footies ad, why is it one guy with like 14 girls? You’re right, this is a creepy slumber party.
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..A heart full of love =-.
you CAN register there. trust me, i looked into it when i was engaged. kinda as a joke, but not really. shane and i always clip out the funniest ones we can find (no repeats) when one of us goes on a trip without the other. yanno. souvenirs on a budget. i think my fav is the neck straightener, where the dude looks like he’s hanging himself. yep, that looks like something i wanna buy.
.-= christa´s last blog ..Weekend (and KITCHEN!) Update =-.
I’ve totally used the Litter Kwitter for my cats. I was not successful. LOL.
This is my favorite Skymall item. It looks like something you might find in the bedroom of David Carradine or that singer from INXS …
http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=102244915&c=10635&v=&ddi=/products/22/18/06/102244915gx1.jpg
.-= Del-V´s last blog ..He has the demented melancholy of a Tennessee Williams heroine! =-.
So my housemate flies a lot and because of that… we get the SkyMall catalog at home.
Do you have any idea how TEMPTING that is?? It’s one thing to be on the plane and be aware that you have a limited time to read that and then just leave it behind, but when you have it at home… you can’t throw it away. You can’t stop reading it. You can’t stop thinking about how much you need that Zombie of Montclair Moors garden statue!
http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=102876212
.-= Emil´s last blog ..Friday Nights =-.
Anal probe or not…I want that back massager.
OMG Litter Kwitter? I am SO in!! hahahaha
I am dying over here!
.-= Ams´s last blog ..Wilson Wednesday! =-.
hahaha – that’s so awesome….and made even better by the fact that my mom right NOW is toilet training her cat with that thing…and it’s mostly kinda working!!
.-= Jesse Jo´s last blog ..I’m an adult I can get tattoos and say the "f" word if I want to… =-.
The fact that the Backnobber looks like an anal probe, and could easily function as such seems to solve TWO dilemmas. JUST SAYING.
.-= Amy — Just A Titch´s last blog ..Amy vs. The Laundry =-.
Definitely genius. Sometimes I decide I really miss SkyMall and go to the website to drool over ridiculously overpriced nonsense that I absolutely must own.
What’s up with that pajama picture? Is the girl in front doing the splits?
Umm, methinks those footie pajamas would be a HILARIOUS addition to BiSC. Total Footie PJ Slumber Party!
HAHA hilarious.
.-= StaceyParadise´s last blog ..The Every Girl =-.
I have a weird fascination with all the “medical” stuff. Every time I fly, I contemplate that head massager. Also, this:
http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=101899005&c=10640
I don’t even HAVE plantar fasciitis. I just want it.
.-= Just A Girl´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: I wish I never had to write this one =-.
You know you want to put a pair of Jumpin Jammerz on that Yeti…
.-= Hope´s last blog ..A Small Piece of Advice… =-.
If you get the litter kwitter let me know how it works…looks awesome
.-= Vodka Logic´s last blog ..A Reconnect…….Biochem 401 =-.
the backnobber just TOTALLY freaks me out…
the steel wallet.. all i’m thinking about is a SORE ASS…
and the cat toilet training system.. yea! just pissed my pants a tiny bit..
.-= Randi´s last blog ..new moon mania =-.
i’m totally buying you the “authentic replica” of a harry potter wand.
or the non fogging shower mirror.
or, even better, the alien gnome stealing lawn ornaments!
http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=102836020&c=10511
.-= siovhan´s last blog ..some dark rose colored glasses… =-.
Wow, the things I am missing out on but thanks to you I am now in the know!
.-= Lucy´s last blog ..Post It Note Tuesday: Tolerance =-.
I’m buying the Yeti, and I’m putting in the backyard at my rent house. I’m incorporating it somehow into the next tenant’s contract. Awesome.
.-= Summer´s last blog ..Hunker Down =-.
This is the most genius idea I’ve ever heard. Do they allow registries for dog birthdays? And my family would totally be down to buy shiz from there since my dad proudly purchased my birthday gift last year from the COVER of SkyMall.
On what I thought was an unrelated note (apparently my dad’s a frequent shopper), I own some fleece footie pajamas and let me tell you, unless you enjoy sleeping in a fiery inferno, don’t wear these to bed.
.-= Cheddar´s last blog ..I’d Like to Thank the Academy? =-.
I just called my soon-to-be-aunt-in-law and this is what happened:
“(…) Register at SkyMall”
“…”
“Are you there?”
“Sorry, I was just checking to see if they still had the steel wallet”
TRUE STORY, MY FRIEND.
.-= danielle´s last blog ..its monday! what are you reading? (and some other musings) =-.
I have a similar joy and love for these overpriced, ridiculous magazines. Something about being a captive audience makes me believe I need a gold plated alarm clock or a hideous cubic zircona ring. Although that Cylon head spa gadget looks pretty sweet….
.-= Vegetable Assassin´s last blog ..Pretty Awful In Pink =-.
ZOMG!!!!!!!!!!! B and I have been wracking our brains over what to get “the couple that has everything” for a wedding gift and I can’t believe we didn’t even THINK to shop for them in SkyMall! GENIUS! I’ll let you know what we come up with. I’m leaning towards the Yeti sculpture. It’s like love eternal.
Creepiest slumber party ever? I think you meant most awesome, thank you.
.-= Harna´s last blog ..Take This Job and Love It =-.
I want the bug vacuum thingy. In case you’re looking for a gift for me.
.-= WendyB´s last blog ..Introducing the Asterisk Ring =-.
i LOVE skymall. i spent way too much time perusing stuff in there. i think my favorite is the massive dvd holder and the inflatable pools, so ridiculous. oh and i think i’ll take a garden gnome instead of a yeti, that would freak me out a bit.
.-= katelin´s last blog ..Hollywood go round. =-.
i swear they pump something into the air on flights that makes everything in that catalogue seem EVEN MORE AWESOME and like i need it RIGHT NOW.
.-= Alice´s last blog ..pepper spray: YES PLEASE =-.
Footy PJs? For grown ups?! Sweeeeeeet.
.-= MinD´s last blog ..Snip snip here. Snip snip there. =-.
That Litter Quitter is MINE!
.-= lisagolden´s last blog ..She Walked Through the Corn Leading Down to The River =-.
We need the jumpin jammerz for vegas, no?
.-= Elizabeth Marie´s last blog ..This Is Your Dream. =-.
Um are you saying you’re NOT a Cylon?
Sheesh, like I’d believe that.
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..The Rolex and the Unhealthy Zorro Obsession =-.
I’m the lame-o who never gets a chance to pick up the airplane reading material because I’m too busy knocked out with drool running down the side of my mouth (now who’s the klassy one? lol)
seriously, the white noise does it to me every time.
.-= thatShortChick´s last blog ..me and my macbook = L.O.V.E. =-.
What a fabulous idea.
I started loving Skymall since they were the first ones to invent the brownie pan with ALL EDGES.
.-= J´s last blog ..One Long Winter =-.
ROFL, I used to want to have a pair of feetie pajama’s, until I bought them. UM, IT IS COLD WHEN YOU GOTTA PEE AT ONE AM. Way not worth it!
.-= Frugal Vicki´s last blog ..Wow, those dinner options sure are limited! =-.
Three words: Hot Diggity Dogger.
.-= wendy´s last blog ..A Postcard from Rock Bottom =-.
I was just sayin today how my new Vegas (all rock) backyard needed something to fill up the vast openness. I wonder if the yeti is HOA approved??? Hmmm. Must investigate.
.-= colby´s last blog ..Another ray of sunshine in my world =-.
If you swear you’ll blog about it, I’m in for the Litter Kwitter. (This must be photo blogged!)
Also, I think a whole HERD of Yard Yetis would be in line if I ever have a yard again. I would hide them so they were peeking out all over the yard. And figure out a way to do the invisible fence around the yard so if anyone tried to steal one they’d be zapped to Kingdom Come! Oh yeahhhh!
.-= MsDarkstar´s last blog ..Connectivity Lust =-.
That is pure genius. I really have nothing else to say about this topic. GENIUS.
.-= Ali´s last blog ..My Life On the C-List, Or That Time Katharine McPhee and Jillian Harris Became My Tweeps =-.
Haha, that is GREAT! And I know of some friends who would do this, and my boyfriend probably would if I shared this post with him, but I’m not gonna! He has actually purchased stuff from the SkyMall before, so yeah, he’s so not reading this. Sorry LiLu!
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Wishful Wednesday: Handbag =-.
Hey! I have that Big Foot garden sculpture! Oh wait . . . no, that’s just my neighbor, looking for his Frisbee.
.-= Riff Dog´s last blog ..Smile, Fellas! It’s Picture Day! =-.
Oh my god, that stuff is hilarious! I so have to start flying more.
.-= SilverNeurotic´s last blog ..Why I shouldn’t cook =-.
I’m digging the footie pjs. Do they have a flap in the back? And if so, do they come in GI Joe?
.-= OG´s last blog ..Old Ladys Need Love Too =-.
Thank you. I now know what I’m going to get my brother for his birthday — a yeti yard ornament!
I’M BUYING FOOTIE PAJAMAS FOR ALL OF US FOR YOUR BACHELORETTE PARTY!
Also, I just invited myself to your nonexistent (yet) bachelorette party. Hope you don’t mind. I promise I won’t make you do tequila shots! <3
.-= Vixations´s last blog ..And Now, Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Squirting. I Mean Programming. =-.
AHH I just saw Liz’s comment! YES VEGAS! We are so on the same wavelength. YES YES YES YES.
.-= Vixations´s last blog ..And Now, Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Squirting. I Mean Programming. =-.
1 – we are totally gonna potty train the furbabies….as soon as they stop missing aim in the litterbox.
2 – have you seen the big inflatable triangle pillow thing you put in your lap?!? NEED.
Next PB&Tuna registry?
Also… I want all of these.
.-= Suburban Sweetheart´s last blog ..In Which I Am Served Mushrooms & Choose McNuggets =-.
Totes buying the Yeti for my best friend’s front yard. Nothing can stop me.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Dating Diaries, Volume Deux =-.
Ahhh the stainless steel wallet for the terminally paranoid.
Hi. I’d like to order the meet hook massager and the kitty crapper. I’m sick of my husband asking me to rub his back as much as I’m sick of asking him to change the litter. I’m pretty sure this will save our marriage.
stainless steel wallet, wouldn’t it hurt if you accidentally sit on it?
.-= Witless Fool´s last blog ..Blogs: the good, the bad, the ugly =-.
No….way….
Footed PJS???!!!
Thats it, I’m sold.
If I had footed Pajamas, I would never take them off. It would be creepy, but THE most comfortable way to live EVER.
.-= Clairebear´s last blog ..Fearless in the face of fear…..kinda =-.
I was reading your post and some creepy creeperson is sitting next to me in the Airport. He took a special interest in the lifesized Yeti statue (which I’m sure he’d cut open in order to store my dead body in) and the Pajamas, because probably they reminded him of kids.
Make sure you register for multiple Yeti, as I’m getting you one – no matter whether or not the registry has been satisfied.
I think it’s probably really teensy, though, if it’s only $100 – kind of like the Stone Henge in Spinal Tap. That would be disappointing.
BEST IDEA EVER.
We’re marrying in Jamaica so everyone will be looking at those damn magazines anyway. My fiance will be impressed with this idea, no doubt.
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..Deadly Weapon #452 =-.
everytime i read skymall i laugh at the yeti! everytime. i wonder, who the eff would want this thing…now i know. YOU!
.-= allison´s last blog ..Mini-Bridal Shower =-.
wwwwoooowwwww… haha. nice.
i think i want the yeti, though. probably nothing else. i’m sorry that we can’t be friends anymore…
.-= cari´s last blog ..politics… =-.
I want a yeti.
Also, I may be the only person in the history of ever that hates footie pajamas. I need to be able to have my feet uncovered or I get too hot when I’m sleeping!
I’ll take a polar fleece onesie, a stainless steel wallet, and a toilet trainer. Yes: they are all for me.
.-= brad´s last blog ..Ted Leo whispers, i work at squeezing more hours out of each day and someone, somewhere, is completely uninterested in any of this =-.
Woah. I was just thinking the other day that I wish one of the cat bathroom trainers existed. Consider my mind blown.
.-= Erin´s last blog ..I’m Not Irish, but My Name Is =-.
I call dibs on the life-size Yeti garden ornament. Except, I don’t have a yard either. Damn you for making me want him! I bet it would look good in an apartment size living room..along side my Ikea furniture…RIGHT?!
PS. Is it just me or is the kitty sporting a “Why are you doing this to me?!”-expression?
.-= Skinny Dip´s last blog ..Californiaillness =-.
OMG! I LOVE SKYMALL!!
Now I have a reason to get married!
Really, for SkyMall I’d totally do it.
.-= Juliana, aka Kernut´s last blog ..My First Brush With The Law =-.
104 comments! Holy Hell! How do you get anything done? I left you a crappy chain letter award thing on my blog because … I like you?
.-= Jessica O´s last blog ..Religion, Politics and Food: A Triple Threat =-.
That’s NOT a boring idea at all. Awesome idea, girlie. I want one of those binoculars.
.-= andhari´s last blog ..Has anyone filed a missing person report yet? =-.
So true…Skymall would be the best place to register…The stuff is always so incredible and I for one know I every flight I take I always look through the catalogues and make a wish listQ
.-= Idle40k´s last blog ..Lets Get Excited =-.
Did you know that siamese cats are the easiest to train?
WE NEED TO GET ON THIS…
twss.
.-= Maxie´s last blog ..Holy Hiatus, Batman. =-.
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