B Tells You What To Do With Your Life, Part III

Hey kids, it’s time for a third round of responses to B’s new advice column!

(Past editions here, or for more B, check out “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says” here.)

Things to know:

• I have in no way read his responses. Like at all. I lit-rally just copied and pasted here. So, uh… yeah. This should be interesting.
• I’m scared. (See above.)

And away we go!

Spleeness:  If someone’s new date takes them to a surprise concert, should their musical taste be considered, thus ruining the surprise?  Another question: how would guys celebrate Valentine’s day if they could do it anyway they wanted? Would it still involve chocolate?

I think a surprise concert date is a pretty cool idea.  So 10 points to him!  However, if the actual concert blows and his musical tastes are awful that’s a quick minus 9 points.  Clearly a net gain.  However he could have enjoyed the same benefits if he bought you a nice bottle of wine/movie and not disclosed his love of American Idol’s Fantasia.  If a guy could celebrate Valentine’s day any way they wanted they would not celebrate it at all. Fact. And that non-descript day would probably involve beer rather than chocolate.

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Amanda: If a guy is telling a girl that he loves her, misses her, wants to be with her, but the guy is dating another girl, what IS his deal? Is he worth waiting around for?

I am afraid the obvious answer here is NO!  If he loves this girl, misses her, and wants to be with her he WOULD be with her.  That said, I clearly know nothing about your specific situation.  Perhaps there are mitigating factors that suggest you should be a little patient.  But I doubt it.

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Nikki: if a girl was going to propose to her boyfriend, what kind of proposal would knock his socks off?

I wonder what the protocol of a woman to man proposal is?  For instance, should she call up his mom and ask permission?  I don’t know (probably not).  From what I can tell, the driving force behind a big over-the-top proposals is so that woman can recite to everyone she knows what an amazing spectacle it was thus proving that she has the greatest fiancé in the world (I write fiancé because, without exception, she will say that word no less than 7.6 times a sentence).  Can you imagine a guy doing the same thing:

SCENE:

IN: PETE’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Six guys sitting in PETE’S living room drinking beers around a folding table playing poker.

PETE: So, as I was saying, as the sun set across the ocean, we road our horses along the beach.  Bob, you can just picture my face when, off to the right, I notice a white linen tent pitched ahead of us – and no one around for miles.

Bob lets out a squeal as he lunges to hug Pete, spilling his beer in the process.

BOB: Ohmygod! Oh. My. God. I knew she was going to pop the question during your trip to Bermuda!  Tell him Raphael, I called it didn’t I!

PETE: Well, I’m glad at least one of us was surprised!  As we got closer, she helped me off my horse and pointed for me to look up across the ocean.  What do I see?  A plane– trailing the message: “Pete, I love you! Will you marry me – Sara.”

All the men in the room clap and high five one another.  Rob shotguns a beer in celebration.

PETE:  When I turned back around there she was–down on one knee–with the most gorgeous wedding band you’ve ever seen!

END SCENE

My point is, I imagine what would really “knock his socks off” is something that is truly from the heart.  Tell him why you want to marry him (he’s wonderful presumably) and why spend the rest of your life with him (fill in the blank).

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Sherryrose: Should the sex be had on a first date to find out if the whole mess is worth a second date? or should the third date rule be followed? seems like it would be a shame to get to the third date, tag it, and find out you were wasting your time on the other two dates… (either way…if it’s good you should have been having more of the sex, if it’s bad, you should have been long gone).

I am a very very firm believer that most dating “rules” are utterly stupid.  Use some common sense of course—don’t call the person 6 times the day after meeting—but waiting 73.5 hours is just as dumb.  That said, there is an unfortunate double standard when it comes to men banging on the first night and women banging on the first night.  I guess it depends on your read of the guy:  If you like him enough (or think he’s hot enough) to bang – have at it regardless of the number of dates.  If the sex is awful or he’s judgmental then at least you won’t waste any more time.  But always remember – wrap it up.

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That Kind of Girl: If you’re at a bar with a jukebox and only one dollar, what song is the most likely to start a spontaneous singalong?

It will vary by bar and regionally.  Boston (and anywhere there are asshole Red Sox bandwagoners: Sweet Caroline—Neil Diamond.  Texas (and at line dancing bars: Save A Horse, Ride a Cowboy—Big and Rich.  Gay Bars: Tiny Dancer – Elton John.  There are a only few songs  that will work regardless of location: anything by Michael Jackson, and the Ghostbuster’s Theme Song.  Who you gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS!

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Kelly: So B… I was wondering what the protocol for staying in touch with an ex that already has a new g/f. Do guys want to keep in touch with there exes? is friendship really attainable post-break-up? I get that his new g/f would not be a fan of our friendship, but is there a way to make this transition easier?

My advice is not to keep in touch.  At all.  Especially if this was a recent breakup.

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MsDarkstar: Dear B, who in your household takes care of kitty waste related chores? In my household it’s me & I just want to know if it’s a dude thing to not change/scoop kitty boxes. And, you’re a dude, so I am getting your opinion. Thanks!

LiLu: For some reason, my darling dear missed this question, but I will tell you here and now that while it was SUPPOSED to be 100% my duty, as part of the contract for letting me even get the cats he was allergic to… he now will absolutely help out in that department. A good egg, I tell ya… a good egg.

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You wanted more B, you’ve got him, my friends! Ask your questions here for Round 4 of Life Advice from B.