***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***
Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…
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If you haven’t noticed, B and I have a couple of cats.
(Pauses for laugh track)
I know, I know. But truly, I love the little bastards, because they always make us laugh with their antics and ridiculous facial expressions, and you can’t deny they’ve provided endless fodder for this here blog.
*Whispers*: In fact, that’s why we got them. Don’t tell B. He’s kind of attached.
Anyhoo, while their shenanigans [insert pistol-whip here] are usually adorable and make for much mirth, they sometimes often retaliate for being laughed at.
Soap opera voice: This. Is one of those stories.
It was a dark and cold night… last week. In the middle of a ten day vacation, the couch had by this time contorted to my body shape, and held me tenderly to its bosom like a grizzly mama bear. B was out with the boys, and the cats and I were sharing a romantic evening in the soft glow of the Christmas tree.
Somewhat dehydrated from a few bottles glasses of wine, I took advantage of a commercial break from my “Bad Girls Club” marathon to get a crisp, cool glass of water from the kitchen.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….”
I set the glass down gingerly on the blessed couch’s endtable, and decided to hit the restroom as well.
Relieved, I returned to my cocoon and nestled into the many blankets, happy as a fat kid at a Golden Corral buffet. The show returned, and I instantly became absorbed with cheering Portia on while she decked uber-bitch Natalie in the face, many, many times. Axe Murderer poised on the endtable, as though rooting with me, and we were as one for a moment in time.
After the rumble, my voice was a bit hoarse. Thankfully, I reached over for the refreshing glass of water, and took a healthy swig to clear my throat. I went in for another, and focused on the bottom of the glass as I drank.
Where I could clearly make out a tiny clump of pop-rock looking pebbles, held together by some sort of clay.
I put the glass down, puzzled for a moment. What on earth…
And then Axe Murderer walked across my lap.
Leaving little, wet paw prints the whole goddamn way.
I guess she took the opportunity to relieve herself at the same time I did.
Excellent.
Good to know our litter actually does “clump”.
Sigh.
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Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…
That Kind of Girl’s TKOG Who puts slimy stuff in her mouth
Meghan’s TMI Thursday:Most Awkward Blogger, Indeed
Kendall’s TMI Thursday: Where I Take The Plunge And Whip It Out. My Credit Card That Is.
LivingWicked’s Offensive Cunt. (or) There is Some TMIThursday in here Somewhere.
Griffin’s TMI Thursday: Awkward situation at the Novelty Shop
Floreta’s Bathtub Rash
Daffy’s Thursday’s Tittibits of Humiliation -TMI Style
Carissa Jade’s TMI Thursday: Squat Got Copped
Travis’ TMI Thursday: Yes, I HAVE Done That.
P’s TMI THURSDAY: THE EXHIBITIONIST . . .
Lucy’s TMI Thursday: Guy Codes Cancel out Stalking!
Sean’s TMI Thursday: Leave Me Alone Yahoo
Sebastian’s Harder than it looks
lacochran’s TMI/”And sleep, just sleep” –My Chemical Romance
Tricia’s TMI Thursday: My Breast-ies
I Really Suck At This’ Things no one tells you about being pregnant – TMI Thursday
ClevelandPoet is over at Mel’s: TMI Thursday – Guest Post!
the iNDefatigable mjenks’ TMI Thursday: Lose Weight, Feel…er…Great? I guess…
ClaireMontgomeryMD’s tmi thursday: it’s going to be a long year
Lauren’s TMI Thursday: I’m So Creepy
Jeney’s TMI Thursday – The time my “boyfriend” hid in a drawer
Insomniac Lolita’s TMI Thursday : Does this leather turn you on?
kate’s TMI Thursday: The Joys of Pet Ownership
Lisa’s Adventures in Real Parenting: TMI Thursday
JewliaGoulia’s TMI Thursday – 4th Edition
amber murphy’s TMI Thursday: in which my sanity took a hiatus
Lebombed1′s Karma’s not always a bitch, but I am
Kaydee’s TMI Thursday: Boobs of a Mom
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Ew…Thank goodness we are a dog family. They have to go outside. Of course it is always kind of gross when they lick you after they got done licking themselves.
Hmmm. That’s a touch call. It depends on whether I actually drank any or not… guess we’ll never know.
that is one smart cat. i’m intimidated.
She’s sleeping with you next time you’re over.
Ah, pets. I suppose knowing how clean you keep the cat box (that’s what the kids are calling it these days…) would determine just how quickly you spit out the mouthful of water…mmmm, Freshsteppy!
FRESHSTEPPY. Love it.
Please don’t judge me for this next sentence.
I love that you watch Bad Girls Club and that you were cheering Portia on when she slammed into Natalie.
If anything like my puppy, Axe looked up with an expression basically saying “Merry Christmas, I left you a little present. You know, because I love you.”
Reading these stories kind of make me want a cat.
Then I remember I dislike cats.
Feeling gone.
How could anyone EVER root for Natalie?! God, I would kill to see her get Snooki-punched…
Kendall Reply:
January 7th, 2010 at 11:29 am
Believe I know, especially when she acts like a more extreme version of my little sister.
And yes I do have a fucked up family.
Meh. Don’t we all.
I predict this will be the grossest thing I read all day.
I reckon you’re right.
The only thing my cat has ever done with a glass is get his head stuck in it while trying to drink some of my water.
Our cats may look identical, but they are obviously not the same on intelligence levels.
Yeah. That’s more Murray’s style. He’s the cute-but-dumb… Axe Murderer got the brains.
GAG! VOM!
Did it have a . . . taste?
Well, it was DC water already. So… YEAH.
Mwhahaha! I love the kitties. This is why I don’t leave open water around. Anywhere.
I’m learning after that, believe you me.
oh, EEEEEEWWWWWWWW.
i looooooooove my cat, but omg, that would make me hork.
good one lilu, good one.
There was definite horking.
ewwwww OK. SO nearly daily my roommates cat either knocks over by glass of water or simply puts it’s paws in it. If it doesn’t spill I usually just keep drinking it thinking cat’s are cleanly animals. Never. Again. Thanks for the lesson.
I suffer so you don’t have to.
I don’t know whether to laugh or puke.
Just don’t do both. That = projectile.
Ewww. My ex mother in law had a cat who did this constantly. She ended up just giving him his own glass, and believe it or not, it stopped the pawing at her drinks she left lying about.
I actually do try to do that. I think I was in a couch-coma. They’re very dangerous.
whooo-pish!
sha-pang!
Ok, I’m trying to produce a pistol-whip sound, humour me here.
You’re almost there… you need a bit more *crack!*
Oh, ew! But a good lesson for everyone on our cute but dirty little animals.
Dirty little beasts, indeed.
Words cannot discribe the vomitatiousness that I’m feeling right now for you. OMG. I had to remove our cat from looking at the screen with me so he wouldn’t get any ideas.
If he’s as smart as Axe Murderer, you did the right thing.
I threw up a little in my mouth and the picture you used was gross too, oh, so gross, yuck, yuck and yuck!!
Haha. Yeah, you’re welcome for that.
I really think Axe Murderer and Alice’s cat Oliver need to have a play date just to see what sort of mischief those two will get into.
Is Oliver the one who got stuck somewhere? He sounds more like Murray to me.
EWWWWW thats worse than being jizzed on by your dog.ARGH! lol
Ummmm. I think I’d have to throw that one up to the jury…
Naaaaasty!!!!
Truth.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! *faints*
Sorr-eeeeee.
(NOT.)
I can’t say that this is the grossest thing I’ve read here (that would be saying a lot), but still…*gag*
I know. Isn’t that sad? For me, anyway?
this is exactly why I drink out of bottles when I have my cat…
Usin the old noggin. Good call.
Wow. Just wow.
Who’s the most awkward NOW??
That’s the kind of shit that makes me HATE cats.
Eh. I only share the bad cause it’s funny. But the good far outweighs it, trust.
Another reason why I’m a dog person.
If you want to drink dog shit, you have to actually do it manually, and it’s quite the process.
I’m going to leave now.
Take your flaming bag of poo with you.
ICK! I bet you’ll always look in your glass first before taking a swig now! That evil little kitty. A bitch right after my own heart.
Honestly? She probably learned it from me.
A Super Trooper reference and drinking of cat litter, for the win.
Nice.
I bow to you, oh master of nastiness!
YES. Glad someone got that.
OMG I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. You poor thing!
TRUTH.
and there would be vomit in my mouth… im sorry to say, im afraid this might be the worst yet!!!!
You clearly haven’t read all of them, then…
Why I never, ever EVER leave my glass out around the cats.
Or let the cats in my room.
Gross.
But they just wanna snuggle…
Excuse me while I go barf!
That’s fair.
And this is why cats are satanic.
But so fluffy!
Oh no. You should have just stuck to the wine, it’s much, much healthier!
Love it girl.
Kiran
I know! Lesson LEARNED.
I’m going to give this one to you. That’s legitimately pretty disgusting. I always thought cat litter was almost if not equally as unappealing as cat poop itself, so it’s sort of a double whammy.
It was a triple-dog-double-whammy.
I LOVE the “Bad Girls Club”…doesn’t that show just make you feel better about yourself and your lack of Daddy issues? I got quite the kick of out seeing Natalie get her ass kicked by a fellow Kansas Citian
What a hot mess.
I hope to have a TMI up later today…
YES. But I can’t believe Kendra didn’t send her home when she had the chance! Wtf!
kate Reply:
January 7th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Yes! TMI is posted.
Woot! Got it!
Gross. At least you don’t have outdoor cats. My mother regularly gets bird heads delivered to her in the morning and lizards in her dresser drawers.
Ah, I remember chasing and plethora of half-alive critters around my house as a youngster…
Then my father sealed the cat door.
Wow. Such a simple story, but seriously made me vomit a little. It might be hard to top that TMI in 2010. Nasty!
Simple, yet gross. It’s what I do.
…On Thursdays, anyway.
How nice of your cats to give you a little snack to go with your drink.
Thoughtful.
Very Thoughtful.
A little protein.
ACK!
That picture? Wounds my soul.
I know. You’re welcome.
Cats are such weird creatures. This story grossed me out, but it didn’t shock me. My kittens are always after my water glass. They are fascinated by it. I am always having to move it to places they can’t reach.
I had my own fiasco with kitty litter this week. We used to buy flushable litter, but I switched this week. Didn’t realize Fresh Step wasn’t flushable. Almost broke the toilet. Whoops.
Yeah. We’ve had a couple battles with our toilet… I learned my lesson. I don’t even try anymore.
Ugh…I’m with Moooog….doggies all the way!
On a different note: LOVED the Soap Opera voice
Couldn’t you just hear it? I should’ve tried to find a sound byte…
Totally GROSS! How did it taste?
Ummm. Chalky?
When you did your soap opera voice, I actually heard the organ that goes with it.
DUNUH NUH…
If I were B, even though I loved you with all my heart, I might never kiss you again.
Fortunately, it was last week. And he didn’t hear about it til now. WIN!
I love your cat stories – they really make me feel better about my own little hellion. He prefers to drink crisp clean cool water from our glasses as opposed to sharring a 2 gallon water feeder with….the dog….
They are little asshats like that.
OMG YOU WIN.You got TMI that made me cringe the most today HAHA.
Where’s my cookie?
Oh, barf.
I was wondering why someone mentioned something about cat litter in your mouth on Facebook…
Was it that shocking?
Jesus Christ, that is seriously one of the most disgusting things I can even contemplate. Had it been me, those cats would have a new home by now.
Not if you looked in their cute little eyes! They are bewitching, I tell you.
We have 3…and one *pretends* she doesn’t know HOW to jump over the baby gate we put up for the dogs. Chloe…the pretender…will howl for HOURS while she sits right on the other side of the gate…if we’re home…until we come to “rescue” her.
If we’re not home? The little bitch jumps right over all, no big deal.
WTF?
They’re like perpetual 2 year olds. For real.
A little bentonite clay never hurt anyone, you know, unless it was soaked with cat pee.
I do feel a bit dizzy…
our kitty would be more of the look at you…..look at the glass….knock it over and then look at you again.
That’s Murray’s move.
That sounds…revolting. But damn, that cat’s brilliant.
She really is, that whore.
And people wonder why cats and dogs are popular items on so many menus around the world.
HAHAHA.
i guess im lucky mine just squish thier faces into my glass and get cat hair on the inside, and cat spit from their mouths. i wont complain anymore!
Nope. In comparison, that’s just a little love.
Let’s hope that clicking on my name doesn’t redirect people to a Bible study website… (P.S. when I was writing clicking, I honestly wrote “cocking” twice…).
This post made me unbelievably happy I have a dog. It also made me laugh out loud. Your posts always seem to have that effect on me! =) And, while this was not the best part of your post, it made me laugh so hard with your Golden Corral comment!
Thank you. I was proud of that one.
The next time my husband complains about our dog, I am showing him this post!
Hahaha! Glad to be of service.
Oh Axe Murderer, so mischevious you are. Thankfully LB’s dog has never done that..but he has drank toilet water before and licked LB’s face. **evil laugh**
And also ewwww! lol.
Oh, I’m sure they’ve done that. We keep the toilet firmly CLOSED now…
YIKES! Ew ew ew. But that totally sounds like something that would happen in my house.
P.S. Just a silly lil’ something for you on my blog – http://lifeinbeta.com/2010/01/07/beautiful-blogger-award/
Awww! Love your face!
Oh jeez. That’s SO upsetting haha. I wrinkled my nose a little at that… That’s definitely an “FML” story! PS: I don’t know if I ever mentioned this, but I think it’s hilarious/love that your cat’s name is Axe Murderer. I know you’ve probably heard that a million times… Thought I’d tell ya anyway
Haha! I would totally send it to FML if I could get it down to a tweet or two.
ewwww did it taste any different??
It was DC water.
So… no.
Oh god, oh god that’s terrible!!! I always thought dog’s were so much grosser, but that’s pretty bad. Did I tell you about the time my dog somehow found used tampons, ate them, and then spread them around our house? PRECIOUS.
That’s why I just wear diapers during that week.
KIDDING.
LMFAO I’ve been lauging so hard reading this post I almost relieved myself… and i wouldnt have cared.
Nice post Lilu, good job as always!
Thanks, dear.
oh no…bhahahahaha.
*gags*
You and me both.
LMAO! That was awesome, I think I just almost pee’d.
*Almost* is a good thing.
this is hilarious AND disgusting at the same time. i probably would have barfed… and (side note) i love the bad girls club. i, too, was cheering portia on!
Right??? I just don’t understand why Kendra didn’t send Natalie home before that. WTF??
I would have puked in his food dish. Payback. Dogs all the way (except my cat, Chaplin, who thinks he’s a dog.)
Chaplin! Love it.
I drink water exclusively from bottles because our cats can’t stop themselves from pawing water in glasses.
I’m sending the sneak pooper your way so he can teach your cats other new tricks.
Evil! Evil!
I HATE cat litter! That is the one thing in this world I can’t stand! And I have a kid so that’s saying a lot because I’ve had to deal being pooped on and peed on and puked on. I’ve never tried drinking cat litter. I would imagine it would make me hate it even more!
I moved in with a friend who hated cat litter.
I had a cat.
It lasted about a month.
Must have really wanted to get that clumping litter out from under the nails!
Yummy!!
Bleeeeeeeeeeech.
I will not be sharing this gem with Weedy and Willow because it sounds like JUUUUST the sort of antics they would love.
I do have to admit, though, I’m wondering which of the little darlings in my household has perfected balancing the poo right on the edge of the litterbox. It’s sortve an art form, I guess.
That is EXACTLY why we have a covered litter box.
gagging a little bit. or a lot. but man, i miss having a cat. sigh.
I love that this post made you nostalgic.
you you you drank cat’s poo??!!
this is the best TMI ever. omaigutnes.
First of all, it may have just been litter. Second of all, I don’t know that I drank any.
Third of all, yeah, probably.
Did it taste like chicken?
More like sidewalk chalk. Mmmm.
Ickycacapoopoodoodoo!
That is just nasty, but I’m glad you shared it just reminds me why my cat is an outdoor one and not an indoor one.
Glad to help.
Vom.
*Paula chokes on her wine, double checks there is nothing dodgy in her glass, remembers she does not HAVE any cats, and then wonders why she is talking like she is in her own movie script*
In terms of TMI, that was indeed a classic moment, LiLu!!!
I’m just hoping it’s not so classic it repeats itself…
this reminds me of a conversation i had a few weeks ago about whether or not it is ok to drink a beer that has been accidentally ashed in. how much ash prevents drinking? how full must the beer still be? how drunk should one be to do it?
you might want to change axe murderer’s name. sounds like she’s capable of other slightly sociopathic kitty behavior as well
Oh, she’s the devil. That’s not going to change, no matter what we call her.
Yep… that about sums up living with cats. I had an ex who wouldn’t let me get rid of kittens, so I owned six cats at once. I’m down to two now, and life is so much cleaner.
SIX. I do not envy that.
omg i would have tossed my cookies right then and there! i should have done a tmit today…i have one concerning my pug from a few weeks ago…if i could stomach reliving it
Oooo! Do it next week!
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Ugh, I don’t like cats and their litter is even worse. I would’ve spewed all over the room.
“Spew” is JUST the right word.
that is so gross. *gag*
i am sure it is payback for something you did.
This is my shocked and appalled face!
I have cats (2 little Siamese bastards) and they are forever fishing in our glasses, because, you know, the constant flow water dish, bowls of ice water, and running sinks just aren’t good enough for them.
On another note, I think I did the link back thingy wrong. I’m not exactly a technological master.
It doesn’t do it automatically! I link them manually. Will do right now…
My mom’s cats always used to steal my water but they never left anything extra in there before. Classic kitty mischief!
Also the best story I’ve ever read about kitty poo in a glass of water.
I didn’t join in today, but I’m enjoying everyone else’s TMI stories.
Cat litter: one of the main reasons I hate the cat; she leaves this shit everyone. Pun intended.
oh that is all sorts of gross and awful and hilarious and ah is about all i can muster up.
Oh my gahhhhhhhwd……… I seriously said that out loud like Janice from Friends when I realized what you swigged (is that a word? swug?) down with your water. And I’m trying to visualize your cat pooing, since I’m so used to the doggy-crouch. It is boggling my mind … and I will send you mouthwash and toothpaste for your birthday, if you’d like
You have a great storytelling ‘voice’.
I dubbed in my own strikes of lightning.
Happy TMIT!
I’ve watched every episode of “Cougar Town”, so what I mostly got out of this story is a new show to watch.
Also, my BED has little kitty-litter pebbles in it. No poo, just pebbles. Still, when I investigated what all the grit by my feet was, I wasn’t exactly thrilled…
Sheesh. 87 comments. You are so popular it makes my eyeballs jealous.
Only Lilu could make a swig of cat dung the new winter trend.
Eww! But hilarious.
I think someone also said this but why are you drinking water? See what happened?
Your cats are the only cats I like and I’ve never even met them.
OMG. OMG. OMG. I can’t stop wretching. Holy … crap? Ha ha, that one formed itself (oooooh, yet again, ha ha! … I truly didn’t mean THAT one.). Pleased for the giggles, ma’am.
Hey! This could help me out on my weight loss! Read.. aaaannnnnnnddddd….. PUKE!
HA HA HA!
Question is: Did your cat actually seem contrite? I bet not! I’m betting she just gave you “the look” and flipped you off with her little, wet kitty paws. Oh, the joys of pet ownership.
Ugh. Horrid. I will be adding this to my list of reasons that I’m more of a dog person!
Lily you never fail to disappoint on Thursday! NEVER!
Gack!
Fuck, Lilu I can’t type worth a shit today. Let’s try this a-fucking-gain.
Lilu you never fail to disappoint on Thursday! NEVER!
Gack!
I got nuthin’.
Except…
BWAAHAHAHAHAHA! and *BARF*
Thanks for the suggestions!!! The first draft of the list has been posted!
And omg!!!! I cannot believe that actually happened!!!!!!!!!!
Ew! I think I would have vomited! Yuck!
P.S. Always inspect your water if it’s been sitting out before you drink, LiLu!
Oh.My.God! And ew. But still – very funny.
After the BGC marathon, I thought to myself: Hmmm, can this top Jersey shore?
All I have to say is “I run LA”
We had the same vacation. Minus, the clumping kitty litter. But I had an 80 pd. German Shep dropping SBD’s. God, vacation was fabulous!
Oh man! But what about an answer to the age old question…what does kitty litter taste like?
Uggghhh! One of my friend’s lets her cat drink out of her glass and I think that’s bad enough. This takes things to a whole new level!
Oh gross. I’m glad you’re back to writing these things. I missed being grossed out by someone other than myself.
I just threw up in my mouth. And not because of my hangover. Thanks.
Late-Night Drama Queen´s last blog ..A quick note…
[laughing for ten minutes]
hoo.
Wow.
We have the same water that tastes so icky it can hide eau de cat poop flawlessly. Awesome.
spleeness´s last blog ..6 minutes of wonderment
She thought you’d be proud of her for washing her hands after pottying
… oh the messes we have to clean up….
We’ve finally got our cats to leave our glasses alone by buying an electric cat fountain for their drinking water. Water in human glasses is better than a plain cat bowl water, but filtered water fountain water is the best! I was a little leery of buying an expensive water bowl that they might just ignore – but they don’t ignore it at all. They LOVE the running water. (http://www.amazon.com/Drinkwell-FWB-RE-Original-Pet-Fountain/dp/B00063446M)
Connie´s last blog ..Gladiators!
Oh. My. God. That is Hi Larious. That sounds like something that would happen to me – I have said that I wonder if my life is one really long episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos, but just the videos where people get hurt.
I have had a pet related mishap recently as well. I blogged about it in my post entitled Seven Minutes
I share my humiliation so that others may be entertained. Your blog is hilarious, btw.
She checked your arse.
Awful awful awful!
Bad Girls Club is so frickin’ good, I can’t stop watching those crazy bitches.
coolasfolk´s last blog ..I went to a small high school in a big city.
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