***To all my Mama Bears out there, I am totally kidding and I love YOUR little angels and they are completely different from all the other little devilish spawn on the face of this earth. Besides, who are we kidding… just for writing this, I’m probably going to get knocked up with quintuplets. Karma is a cruel mistress…***
1. At night when they were all scared and look at me with their big puppy dog eyes and say, “Mommy, Mommy! Can you check for monsters under the bed??” Yeah. My answer would be hell to the no because I am totally still afraid of the dark. I can’t even sleep with a foot hanging over the bed. Also, why should I get eaten instead of you, twerp??
2. Rumer Willis: Proof that two rights can totally make a wrong.
3. I’m not exactly “green”, so not adding to the population problem? Perfect for putting a check in that box. Heaven, here I come!
4. I already have to wipe my OWN butt, every single day. If I’m not willing to do it for a Sim in digital land, I ain’t doing it for you, kiddo.
5. Children seem to have an affinity for bugs. Let the record show that I am not okay with this.
6. I would feel kind of bad about spanking it when it knocked over Mommy’s wine glass. But you gotta discipline, right?
7. Speaking of the wine, I’d have to drink at home all the time because people would get all judgey when I balanced it on my big, fat pregnant belly out at dinner. Party trick for the win!
8. Maxie said she would no longer be my friend if I pop one out. Unless I give it away. Dumpster Baby, anyone?
9. What if I had a girl? I am the only pretty, pretty princess in MY world.
10. And lastly, because of this. Which I did to my cats, purely for my own amusement. Can you imagine what I would do with mini human beings???
(Sad face… these pictures were lost in the great “almost deleted my blog” accident of ’09. Just imagine Axe Murderer in a jester’s hat and Murray as a bumblebee, and you’ve pretty much got it…)
Wait! Don’t go yet…
EXTRA!!! EXTRA!!! Read all about it!!!
It just wouldn’t be the holidays if we didn’t all get together and booze it up, now would it? As such, I will plan on seeing all of you at Public Bar (halfway between Farragut North and Dupont Circle) for a Holiday Happy Hour on Friday, December 11th.
BRING YOUR GREEN HAT.
{ 135 comments }
OMG, I freakin’ love this list. I do not like kids. I have ZERO patience for them. I want to have my own, MAYBE someday. Until then, these are great reasons to remind myself not to.
ExACTly. I totally forgot to put one about patience. Of which I have ZILCH.
11. I got a vasectomy so it probably wouldn’t work. We could give it a shot, though. Call me.
Ten reasons why you SHOULD procreate:
1. Create your own militia!
2. This lawn isn’t gonna mow itself
3. This snow isn’t gonna shovel itself
4. This dog shit….(you get the point by now)
5. Because a yard sale just isn’t the same without being able to sell old baby shoes for a dime.
6. You can for once be excited to see poop that’s not your own.
7. Small children are great for getting things stuck under the stove
8. They are great tools to practice for your CPR certification*
* small hotdog pieces sold separately
9. Because you haven’t lived until you bring a baby into the hospital with an injury and the police interrogate you. Good times. Good times.
10. You can finally catch those episodes of “The Cosby Show” you missed because, face it, you’re going to be up at 2:30 in the morning anyway.
Oh, please. Who hasn’t seen every episode of The Cosby Show?!? That crazy Vanessa…
In reference to #7, do you mean they’re good at reaching things stuck under the stove, or good at losing things under the stove that should never be under the stove ever, like cheese…because they’re VERY good at the latter.
I’m not touching this one. Especially if it’s under the stove near the moldy cheese.
Yes.
As a mom, I am CRACKING UP because your list rings true. True story: my friend spilled a huge glass of red all over my kid’s book basket. Every time she opens a red-stained book, I laugh out loud. Good times, indeed. Oh, and I totally put funny things on her and then take a picture. I rule as a parent.
My kind of mama.
Omg, this is one of your BEST POST EVER!!! xoxo
Hahaha! Well, it’s definitely one of my favorites, anyway.
Dumpster? Oooo…LiLu poor form! Love it! Love you!
Don’t blame me! Blame Danny Devito.
I laugh when kids throw up or cry for stupid reasons. It’s so funny!
Totally. Like how they won’t cry unless someone’s watching them! BS.
Whoa, wait. I only cry if somebody is watching me too. Waaaaaahh. I thought I was so mature.
Your mom’s mature!
There. Feel better?
I really hope you will still be friends with me when I have a kid.
Poor Potato Head Rumer.
I feel bad beating the dead horse, but seriously… girl is busted.
Yeah. I get this.
I try to get my niece’s attention like one would a dog. I’m horrible.
That sounds like you ENJOY children. No comprendo.
Listen, I love my the kid and all, but if anyone asks me about it or discusses the possibility of having one, my reply is, “I don’t recommend it.”
Seriously, it was the worst physical experience I’ve ever had. The actual birth was alright ’cause I was pretty doped up on awesome drugs, but being pregnant FUCKING SUCKS! And now my belly looks like I have a nutsack on it.
For the record: I still hate children ’cause they’re stupid. There’s no denying it; my kid isn’t special, only to me; some days I almost hate him; and wine is “Mommy’s medicine.”
You just confirmed all my worst fears about motherhood. I’ll still do it for the medicine, though.
Given the fact that I scream bloody murder at my CATS when they fight, I think I would probably kill a human child. So yeah. Good list.
See? I’m doing people a favor here.
ps. You’d also do it for the nutsack. Don’t lie.
Color me confused…
Oh, man. Holiday party! Time for me to bust out my mistletoe belt!
Oh, man. I pray that you are dead serious, because it would make me SO HAPPY.
I’m fairly sure that since I can’t even go a weekend without losing a shoe, my keys, or my cellphone… I would only get to keep my baby accessory for so long… And I don’t like to spend a lot of money on things I’m just gonna lose. (Mamma taught me that!)
Mama done good.
hmmm….that is my list, and I have kids.
Hahaha! I love you.
I thought the whole point of having kids is to make them do stuff for us and take care of us when we get old. And to dress them up in ridiculous clothing. Especially on Halloween and to school. No?
If I ever become a mom, I will be awesome.
Especially on the FIRST DAY of school.
oh God i’m totally with you on that “scared of the dark” thing.. i wouldn’t even hang a foot out of the bed till i was like 15.. i wouldn’t even sleep until i was sure there nothing in the room or no sound that scared me *sigh*
and i loved what you did to those cats.. big LOL for that
happy december btw
love.
You too baby doll!
bring your green hat.
hahaha.
and poor rumer willis. poor her.
THANK YOU for getting. that. <3
Did you SEE how stupid I looked in the video on my blog yesterday? Meowing at a three month old? Yeah. HOT.
Meowing is never wrong.
I don’t know… ThAt pregnant lady at recessions seemed to be having a great time…
HAAAAAAAAAAAA. Oh man, we have to go back and find her again. You KNOW she’s there every Friday.
sorry it took a while to comment… #2 had me on the floor!!!
Glad to hear it.
But really…the tie works. And being a dog person, costumes on cats really seems their only purpose to me.
I never wanted kids of my own for the green reason (go check out the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement…), but I acquired them as part of a package deal when I started dating my wife, which is just fine. Love them all you want, they’ll still frustrate you.
The tie DOES work, doesn’t it??
RUMER WILLIS!!! bwaahahahahahahahahahah!!! that is so wrong!
for me it would be because i think i tear apart kids in the looks department more than i do adults. that would only lead me to having the most heinous looking child and i’m so not okay with that.
I think you just took my evil to a new level.
I like it.
This list is hilarious!!! I’d like to have kids someday, though.
You’re right, Damien Rice is BANGABLE! I wish I could.. you know.. :$
hehe
xx
Oh, I didn’t say NO ONE should have kids… just ME. Get your unprotected bang on, girl!
I love your list. I should never become a parent either. Yes, I’m a teacher but you know what? That almost makes it worse. My patience is at ZERO. Plus I would totally let my kids wander around without clothes and sipping mommy’s wine in order to “sleep better.”
This is why I have cats.
A freaking MEN.
Bah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Why, thank you.
Poor Rumer Willis, it’s got to be tough when guys would rather jerk off to your 45 year old mother than to you. But it’s also proof that plastic surgery doesn’t carry over onto your children.
And I can’t sleep with any appendage hanging off the bed, it just feels WRONG!
Question do you think that people who have ugly children know that their kids are ugly or do they really believe their child is beautiful? I feel like if I had an ugly kid I would know it and own up to it. Not that I would ever have an ugly kid of course!
I have no idea. I’m sure eventually enough people lie to them about it that they believe it… denial is powerful!
9. What if I had a girl? I am the only pretty, pretty princess in MY world.
EXACTLY. Right there with ya, sister.
Excuse me while I rock this tiara…
I decided long ago that a complete intolerance for ignorance ruled me out as a parent. DYFS doesn’t look kindly on the child-rearing motto, “If you are too stupid to understand then I’m not going to waste my time explaining.” when it comes to pre-schoolers.
But it’s such an efficient motto!
11 raisins come out they way they went in…
I don’t understand this… and I’m not sure I want to…
The whole sleep thing is annoying to me. Why do kids not want to sleep in? And then they get to take naps while we are cleaning up after them. So not fair.
Mmmmm, nap. I think I’ll go take one of those. Which I can do. Because I DON’T HAVE KIDS.
Rumer Willis is definitely a good example! Last night my husband and I were tired but our kid wasn’t…we were laying in bed just watching him run around in circles and wondering what would happen if we just went to sleep, and my husband said, “He’d eventually just pass out on the floor. That’s what they do on the Sims anyway.” LOL
Or poop himself. Either way.
But damn, those babies would be purty. I know that I’d buy one.
Poor Rumer. Poor, poor Rumer.
She is so… unfortunate.
OMG I could not stop laughing for 5 minutes. I was getting some strange looks from my co-workers. Yet another proof that Cats > Children.
For the WIN!
i kind of love rumor willis. haha.
Love, sure. Admire her beauty? Notsomuch.
These are excellent reasons, of course.
I’m kind of on board with the Animal Farm philososphy (I like to apply it to child-type things). “Four legs good, two legs bad!” You know, except Princess has the most ANNOYING cat on the planet, so it doesn’t apply to him. I’m thinking of cutting off two of his legs, so he fits with the philosophy.
(I’m pretty sure that’s a reason I shouldn’t have children right there.)
See, the problem here is that you think he has the cat… when actually, the cat has HIM. Good luck with that one.
Omg! Love this list! I am so with you on every item.
Especially the wine thing. And the bug thing. And the monster thing.
Awesome.
Wine good. Bugs bad. Monsters scary!
There is an old quote that I love, “There are two types of travel. First class and with children”.
And now, I love it too.
I had to read #6 a few times to get that you weren’t saying you’d feel bad about “spanking it”… I was like “Why? It’s not like you’d do it in FRONT of them…”
I’m totally lying about feeling bad. I’d be a spanking MACHINE.
Public Bar, you say? I might have to send my DC proxy (read: BIL). Any single friends you can set him up with? :^)
Well, bloggers are mostly women, so I’d say his odds are pretty good…
I agree with everything listed here! To which mothers will answer…”but nothing beats the love you have for your child…..”
eh, I’m not feelin it!
Just because I love it doesn’t mean I should have it.
You DC types have all kinds of fun get togethers.
This is a great list. I feel the SAME WAY right now. Kids are cute for like five minutes at a time.
3 1/2, tops.
my one reason that will stop me: i’m still afraid of the dark. i’m not good when the power is out so don’t come running to me during a storm. and i will never sleep without a night lite. you should always be able to see your hand in front of you face.
The power can’t go out. It can’t. IT JUST CAN’T!!!
Hahahaha, so hilarious ! Espesh’ numba 2 .. I always thought something looked wrong with her face .. and now you’ve totally put it into words ! Thank you, thank you, thank you !!
Her poor, poor face is supa speshul.
Love this post. And the kittehs are so freakin cute. This reminds me of why my friends (who are preggo) shouldnt be having a baby. They practiced dressing their dogs.
But I know you’re not practicing righttt?
Practice sounds like work. So, absolutely not.
I hate kids, let me tell you. Whenever anyone asks me to baby sit, I tell them I think I might be getting the chicken pox.
That could backfire though! Isn’t it better for them to get them young? So parents are all like, get them exposed so they don’t get it again!
Based on this logic, I shouldn’t be a mommy. Oops. I think it just makes us cool mommies!
I agree 150%.
So as I’m reading #1 I’m LOLing and thinking I’m so going to comment about that. Get to #2 and still LOLing and I’m going to have to comment about that… same with #3… oh hell! I love this post! All 10 reasons are totally legit and funny as hell!
You’re my new favorite person.
Yeah…small things running around that you have to be RESPONSIBLE for…that seems rough. Plus, unless you have unlimited funds, it also means the end of travel adventures, which are expensive enough to finance as it is.
Oh, right, also, THAT WHOLE MONEY THING. How the hell did I forget that?
Now if only I had read this list BEFORE I popped out the little brats! And you’re right, karma would give you multiples. When I found out I was having twins I called my Dad and he laughed so hard he dropped the phone. Later he told me “revenge is sweet”.
Apparently I was a little monster as a kid. And now my three teenagers are making me PAY! Thank GOD for alcohol. There is a good reason so many suburban Moms are alcoholics. It’s those damn brats they have to live with!
Who could blame you? NO ONE.
“two rights can totally make a wrong”.
Best line I’ve read in a long time.
Thank ya, my dear.
I can guarantee that my parents dressed me in things just for the hell of it. My mother also used to tape bows to my head because I was a bald baby. You have to get away with everything you can before the rebellious teenage years – or so I hear.
I was such a weird kid I dressed myself up allllllll on my own. Tutu for a year, anyone?
I have a child. She’s no Rumer Willis.
But I am definitely putting this list on my fridge to not pro-create again.
Little angels, I said!
I am coming to catnap Murray and his Jester hat too……..so freaking cute!
Can he come to the holiday party?
Oooo. We do have a leash…
The only advantage I would ever see to having kids is having them fetch you beers….we had my niece trained at 3…lol!
I’m thinking a golden retriever could totally pull that off, though.
Having just spent four days with my nephews—who, for the record, I adore—I will say that I never thought I could get sick of my own name. But, when it’s said 50 gabillion times in one day?? It’s enough to make you want to call up the Social Security Administration and request a name change!
Hannah. Hannah. Hannah. Hannah! HANNAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you want to kill me yet?
hahahaha love and agree wit every single thing on this list and there is no need for me to carry on my mother’s genes!!!no1 should have to deal with tht!!
love your cats…i really want a cat to play dress up wit!!!
Sooooooooo worth scooping the litter box.
If you ever do go to the trouble of having one, you might as well have four… Wait, no, probably not.
Probably? Definitely.
Oh my dear goodness… I am dying over here.
See, about let’s say hmmmm 7 years ago I had a list very similar to yours. Now the scariest part about that is I have three kids. Yes. Three. I wanted NONE.
I will put this on the record that I am still not a huge fan of kids. I LOVE mine, but there are very few OTHER kids out there that I like. I know, I am mean. But I can’t spank or punish other peoples kids thus the reason there is no love for ‘em!
Oh, that’s totally fair!
Ahahahaaha!!! That Rumer Willis one is funny b/c it is SO true! I think the dodging alcohol is going to be by far the hardest part of it all. Once they are outta ya then you can drink all you want again and be a fail blog mommy. (Have you seen some of those pics? Hilarious!)
WHAT. NO. GOING NOW.
It’s just random ones on fail blog. Like this one:
http://failblog.org/2009/05/03/parenting-fail-9/
And this one:
http://failblog.org/2009/11/09/birthday-cake-fail/
And this one:
http://failblog.org/2009/03/07/fail-owned-motherly-fail/
Hahahahaha!
I love your face for this.
Hey, can I borrow that jester’s hat? My daughter would look fabulous in it…
She must be quite wee…
We have still not met so December 11th sounds like a great time to remedy this. Plus, I will be turning in my UCLA application that day. I will need a drink!
Oh, yay! The excite! I have it!
I’m so scared of the dark too!I need company at night to pee!
I maybe leave the bathroom light on.
See? NOT green! But this is the perfect trade off.
Omg,I remember those pics-hillarious!
The good old days.
I was pissed the other day when an old friend of mine said “I’ll have as many children as god wants me to have.” God doesn’t want you to have any!!
Plus my Husband things children=divorce…and sometimes, I don’t disagree!
Seriously. I for one think he’ll probably be thrilled when we finally destroy ourselves. Fresh slate!
That first cat pic shows one furious little face. LOL.
And Rumer Willis…thats got to be tough.
Furious = tardy.
What are you talking about?! Kids are like the perfect monster bait EVAR! Why would the monsters under my bed want to go through the effort of tearing me into bite-sized pieces when they have the snack size there for the taking?
Also, when you’re old, you can make your kids wipe your ass for you.
At least until they put you in a home.
And never visit.
Lousy little ingrates.
I don’t have monsters. I have Axe Murderer!
Oh but they’re so much f u n . . . . . Do the dishes, take the garbage out, dust the living room, clean the bathroom . . . Oh wait, they don’t freakin listen!
Neither do the cats. Sigh.
How about the fact that I like to watch my TV . . . in complete and utter silence?
And that I love my sleep and would get pissed if I had to be woken up in the middle of the night for a feeding or God-love-them, a sick, vomiting child . . .
I would get jealous over all the pretty presents they would get because let’s face it, after becoming a mama, you never get anything pretty in more . . . in fact, we’ll be lucky if WE look pretty anymore . . .
Don’t get me started on the body changes, too.
Oh, lord. Where is my wine?
I completely agree with everything on your list, and I have three. Don’t worry, I’m saving for their therapy.
Now THAT’S a good mom!
A tie? I had no idea they even made those. Incredible.
I’m still waiting for them to be dressed as elves. It’s just too adorable to not want to see it for real. I think I would do the same thing with kids. They should want to be dressed as elves, right? I mean, really, WHY ELSE HAVE THEM?
Coincidentally, I have a very special package coming from Kitty City later today…
Best 2009 list!!! This is coming from a mom! haha
Well, that makes it official, then!!
Stupid Judgey McJudgersons trying to keep you from your wine!
This is what I’m sayin!
OMG your cats are precious! I still remember them as little kitties
They are precious… precious little aholes.
That I love.
But still.
I plan on having kiddies down the road but this list just makes me want to wait a little bit longer!
To wait is great!
all you had to say was rumer willis. what a horrifying thought.
*barf*
HAHAHAHA I cannot believe what you’ve done to your cat.
Please, please never get a baby! I love #6.
I have Christmas costumes for them in the mail. Don’t tell anyone.
boo, your meetup is a week after my trip!!!
i love your kitties.
I know! WE could still get a glass of wine, though!
11. Children are sticky. Not in a good way.
And think of B+kitties+ kids and all the air (and not so air) poop. Children cannot be litterbox trained nor can you leave them to fend for themselves for the weekend whilst you go and have fun.
Hahahahaha!
oh god… Rumer is SUCH an unfortunate name.
I’d rename myself immediately upon turning 18.
It’s like Demi wanted her to have ZERO chance in life.
Rumer has gotten better looking — love the website of ugly celebrity kids.
I thought your cats were your kids…
ExACTly.
oh god, i am WAY too lazy to be a parent. also i’m pretty sure i’d be able to tell if i had an ugly baby, and i CANNOT HAVE AN UGLY BABY, so that might not work out.
I think the “ugly baby” episode of Seinfeld may just be my favorite.
happy hour on the first night of hannukah! holler!
i’ll be at public this friday too! I’ll try and make it next week.
also, my mom dressed me and my bro in matching outfits for the first three years of our lives. i believe it is every mother’s right to such torture when the children cannot fight back
Oh, yay! I’m glad it’s a “Rachel-approved” venue!
I’m on muscle relaxants right now for my fucked up back after some asshat totalled my truck from behind.
Could you repeat the entire post slowly and with less pink elephants running through it?
Thanks in advance
ekiM.
Who wants to ride the pink elephant???
Oh em gee… TWSS.
Holy crap LiLu, I posted on this very subject on my blog today! Weeeeirrrd!
We could be childless and fancy free together!
Twinsies! CHILDLESS twinsies!
I have a kid. I love my kid. But I will admit that there are a lot more good reasons to NOT have a kid than there are reasons to have one.
-Do you like to sleep? Yes? Don’t have a kid.
-Do you want your life to revolve around someone else’s bowel movements? No? Don’t have a kid.
-Do you want to be able to talk on the phone for longer than one minute? Yes? Don’t have a kid.
-Do you want to play Candyland 50 times in one night? No? Don’t have a kid.
I could go on….but I’ll just end up being depressed.
I do love me some Candyland… but nope. Not sold.
Snoop! Snoop-a-loop!
“Bring your green hat” really brought it home. Nice!
That line never gets old.
At least for me. *cough*
Love this post. I have given these very same reasons to people who ask me why I don’t have children. Now I can just print this out and give it to them.
It’s like a cheat sheet!
wahhahahah… I love kids, seriously, loooove them, but I do agree with some of the things on your list… I’m not ready yet!!! BUT YOU….you’re really not ready! hahahaha
loves
Wayyyyyyyyy not ready.
I had to do that thing for health where you carry a fake baby around for a week. This is how it progressed:
Mom: oh, you’d make such a great mom, Danielle!
Me: Mhm
Fake Baby: *cries*
Me: I’M GETTING MY TUBES TIED
Yeah.
Seriously. Best birth control EVER.
I’m totally with you on the wine reasons. Especially if the kid knocked my wine over. I would be LIVID….
I’m hearing ya! Just blogged on the number one reason why I don’t have sex ***cough, cough*** I mean, aren’t trying for kids even though I’m in my (scary dum dum please) 30′s! And that reason is….
High pitched voices… Crying… Jumping… Banging… Constant talking… Laughing… Their feet make too much noise on the floorboards… Hell, the little devils just make toooooo much noise!
HAHA! If your cats are any indication of what you would do if you have kids, I might wait. Lol
Right now my hellions are enjoying a quiet moment, laughing together. Thirty seconds from now, they will be cursing and committing acts of violence. I can’t stuff them back where they came from, but I’ll be glad when they live elsewhere and I can go visit them.
They’re expensive, noisy, disruptive, demanding, annoying, time-consuming, inconvenient and worst of all – you love them like nothing else. And that is what I’ll never forgive them for.
Don’t ever feel a second’s guilt for not wanting them. More of us would be better off if we listened to that instinct.
I could not agree more. Children severely F up my boozing schedule.
I don’t see anything wrong with what you’ve done to your cats!
=
HAhaha, I could have written this post. I completely agree. There are enough children in my life with me adding to teh mix. The thought of giving up booze for 9 months is cruel and unusual punishment.
hahaha love this. totally agree about rumer, poor kid just did not get the shiloh luck. and seriously love the cat outfits, ridiculous but cute nonetheless.
OMG the Rumor Willis post made me laugh out loud – you’re sooo funny!
Hey – I need a sitter on Friday night – you up for it?
You can do away with the drinking if you switch to pain pills when you have kids. THAT way the teachers are NEVER quite sure if you’re sober or just cuckoo. (Just a tip for the future OR friends…..)
i need to bookmark this and read it everyday. and then maybe i’ll make it until he’s 18!
Hehe #1, me too!
I love you for saying “it” in reference to the children of the corn.
P.S You’re one of the only pretty, pretty princess hookers I like in my world.
Make sense? Nah? Whatevs. I’m on drugs.
The first time my boyfriend took me home to meet his parents we had to fly from Boston to Philly. In the airport while going through security I told him I’d always wanted to send a kid through the x-ray machine because wouldn’t that be so fun?! Seriously, as a kid I always wanted to either go on the luggage conveyor belt and through the x-ray machine. His response was just a priceless look.
The best part? We got married last weekend. We’re going to make AWESOME parents.
omg love this. i can’t even keep a plant alive and they don’t make noise or have bodily functions. speaking of noise – children’s chewable valium. someone needs to get on that one.
Oh man I laughed at this because I agree with you on so many points. I am not meant to procreate either. Plants, here I come!
LMAO! I couldn’t agree more, I definitely am not meant for parenthood either
I have 3 kids. Two are young adults and Dork is 15. Of course I love them but there have been days… Why doesn’t Mom smile or laugh much? Because she can’t stand your whining, needing, pain in the ass 24/7!
Personally – I can’t stand other peoples kids either. Maybe for an hour or two but beyond that, forget it. Time to go home, bye-bye!
They make SIMS whose butts you have to wipe now? God, I’m so glad I quit playing that game when I did.
As always, you’re hysterical!
We want them, eventually, but I have no idea how they’ll turn out, and I just won’t take all the responsibility for that!
HAHA!! In my kids defense, bugs scare the ever loving crap outta him. that’s mah boy!
Aww come on how bad could it be? (aside from losing Maxie). PS those cats totally didn’t like their costumes!
I think you should do a follow up post where you dress up someone else’s baby.
first off this was so damn funny that I laughed very loudly and my cat Rasputin got angry and left my lap.
I probably shouldn’t have em because I’m sure they’d be dressed up like Han Solo or Bobba Fett everyday and there’d be the tense moments like this: “Daddy loves you but if you talk over the “Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father. scene again I’m throwing you in the trash.”
great now I have to go watch that scene!
Also even though you only mentioned dumpster baby now I have Prom night dumpster baby song from family guy stuck in my head.
oh so cute pictures, really adorable
That’s the first time I’ve ever seen the willis girl. Just a picture of her would be a good TMI!
Ok this cracked me the hell up!!!
hahaha, oh my. your kitties are pretty adorable all dressed up (that tie kills me).
we’ll, if you do have a baby, let’s hope it’s a male supergenius that doesn’t have to wipe it’s own butt and understands that monsters are way to freaking big to fit under the bed. ok?
LOL true to the last word. I am actually scared shit to have any of my own but want to, maybe… for now I am totally scared shit. This list would have to be printed and laminated for reminders
Oh my I didn’t know you aren’t supposed to dress your kid up in silly clothes and take pictures of them. That explains a lot.
I hope you bookmarked this post and read it when you are married and knocked up–you’ll probably die of laughter. But for the record, I totally agree with you, kids are such a big thing to deal with and they never ever go away!
wow yeah number 2….wtf was that about. Poor Bruce and Demi. I like them, they deserved bette.r
Love #7. Hilare.
#6 got me distracted about a COUPLE of other things before I got to the end of the sentence.
I’ve been told countless times to come check out your blog and I’m finally doing so. Unfortunately, I’m comment number 50 billion so I’m not sure you’ll see this.
I laughed quite a bit when reading this because I always write about how I don’t want kids because I would never wipe their asses. I have a dogger and that’s enough for me and my hubby.
Love what I’ve read so far!
Oh not only a great list but a bonus event at the end!
these are all very funny, but number ONE was my favorite. Probably because I am also still scared of the dark!
I have a few friends that would totally abandon me, were I to become pregnant. I mean, if it happens, I will want to abandon me. The mere thought of being with child, let alone giving birth to one, scares the heck out of me. Not cool. No. No. No.
So, this whole snow accumulation, down here at the bottom of the screen, makes me want to leave this window open to see how deep it’ll get. It’s not snowing very hard, though. Might take a while.
i probably shouldn’t procreate either, i was nodding my head along the entire time. so much that my neck kind of hurts
oh wow. this is the best post ever. especially #9!!
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