It still hasn’t sunk in that tomorrow, yes, TOMORROW, I will be roaming the rainforest-y hillsides of Costa Rica with my lovah. You see that little post tag down on the right, the one that says “dear god how am I not still in Puerto Viejo“, and has FOURTEEN posts dedicated to it? Yeah, well… now I finally WILL be back on that gorgeous Caribbean beach… and I could not be any more stoked in the pants about it.
Don’t be too jealous. I’ll miss you guys, I swear. Just… a little less every time I sip something with a wee umbrella in it.
Now don’t fret- I do have a few posts scheduled to go up while I’m gone, especially the two next installments of the “Post Secret” TMI Thursdays. (Don’t know what Post Secret is? Click HERE to be amazed). Your submissions have been truly awesome… keep ‘em coming, too, and I’ll post them until we get every last one up for all to see. Send them to heylivitluvit at gmail dot com, and if you don’t want even me to know who you are, you can send it from the top secret email account I made just for this purpose…
Log in at Gmail with the username: tmithursday
Password: tmit1234
Okay then! I think we have time for one last “Shiz My Boyfriend Says” before I go, don’t you?
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Yesterday evening, he suddenly hops up off the couch…
B: Baby, I have a poop situation!
Me: By all means…
[He heads to bathroom, stops, comes back to the couch]
Me: What happened?
B: Forgot my beer.
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The other night, we were watching a DVD and left the player on while we went downstairs to do laundry. When we came back…
B: Why is the player off??
Me: It turns itself off after a while if it’s not playing.
B: Well that sucks!
Me: No, it’s good, actually. The player burns out faster if it’s left on all the time.
B: Listen, don’t you contradict me, woman!
Me: YOU taught me that!
B: Well definitely don’t contradict me with things I’ve taught you!!!
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In the bathroom…
Me: Baby, where’s the bathroom trash can?
B: I threw it away.
Me: … Um, why?
B: IT WAS INEFFICIENT!!!
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While watching the Office…
Me: Damn. Erin has a serious rack.
[They talk about Michael falling into the Koi Pond...]
B: Those are like $2000 bucks!
Me: Excuse me?!
B: What? [Blank stare] The koi fish!
Me: OH. I totally thought you meant her boobs.
B: No! [Ponders] Well, those are probably about $2000, too.
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While watching Murray be his adorable dumb self…
B: Murray looks like a mongoose.
Me: He looks nothing like a mongoose.
B: Yes he does! He’s exactly the same. In fact, I replaced him with a mongoose a week ago and you didn’t even notice!!
Me: … I can’t even argue with that logic. Good one, baby.
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Farewell, my lovely blogdudes and blogettes. I’ll check in when I can! Don’t have too much fun without me…
UPDATE: I just found out that my BFF Maxie is going to be moving here to DC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so mad I won’t be here this weekend to celebrate, but Lexa has already been instructed to get you a shot of tequila on me. LOVE YOUR FACE! Congrats and Happy Happy Birthday, my darling wife!
{ 101 comments }
Ha. This seems like exact convos I have with my husband. It’s like I have a child.
Exactly, except you bang them.
Wait, that came out wrong…
Cat… mongoose…
No, I don’t see it.
If you kinda squint…
Most people take magazines.
B takes beer…
Awesome!
Truth be told… so do I.
The first one definitely sounds like something my husband would do.
Have a fabulous time in Costa Rica!
I PROMISE I will!
You guys are great.
Have an absolutely fabulous time, like I know you will, and bring me back some sand, please! My crevices just don’t feel right without it.
Hahaha. I’m sure I’ll bring back enough to share…
Have a wonderful time — no bringing back monkeys for the cats to play with….if tempted, just remember the poor lady in CT with no face and realize that could be your cat.
Somehow I haven’t heard about this and I am afraid to Google…
Please do not google that story if you are squeamish. Anytime I am reminded of it, I get creeped out.
You guys are awesome! Have fun in Costa Rica!
Woot! We will
I love conversations!! Hilarious! Have an awesome time and think of me taking care of kids house dogs kids house dogs…..so jealous…
As much as I’m going to miss the kitties, it will be nice not to scoop their poop for a couple weeks.
An inefficient bathroom trashcan? I’d LOVE to hear his logic on that one! Have the bestest time ever on your trip, and don’t come home with anything you can’t take shots for!
The cats kept getting into it, which I understand… but maybe we should have bought a new one BEFORE throwing the old one out? Just a thought…
He’s right. You’re just not allowed to contradict with things he’s told you. That’s cheating. It’s using his own weapons against him.
You always take his side. Penises stick together, I sup-
TWSS!!!!!!!!!
Have a great time, I’m very jealous!
I never thought Erin had fake boobs? Doesn’t she have small boobs? Maybe I need to pay closer attention this week… that won’t make me a lesbian will it?
We were totes kidding about them being fake, but they ARE rather large for her… proportionately. Also, yes.
My husband takes whisky to the bathroom….
That’s hardcore.
I like to have a beer for poopie time as well.
Have a blast on your trip! You will be missed! (But also hated a little more for every sip you take on that umbrella topped drink. Yeah, I’m jealous.)
Good.
I mean, love you!
I shall watch this blog like it is my own.
Have a wonderful time and drink some rum for me.
I know it is in good e-hands. Xo
HA! love the koi pond dialogue. hilarious!
I thought it was worthy, even though only a few will get it.
Yaaay! Costa Rica! Have a wonderful time.
Woot! We surely will.
If I brought a beer in with me when I shit, I’d never leave the bathroom since beer makes me shit.
I’d probably end up creating a tear in the time-space continuum or – even worse – run out of TP.
It would be like a snake eating it’s own tail but instead of a snake it’s a turd and, honestly, I just made myself throw up a little by picturing myself eating it.
That image will circle in my mind while on the plane tomorrow…
So, thanks for that.
My wife wonders how I can take things to eat and drink into the bathroom. I tell her I am multi-talented.
Drinking is one thing, but eating? I’m impressed. And a little nauseous.
Have fun in Costa Rica!
Beware the Mongoose.
I feel like that’s a saying from a childhood cartoon or something…
These banters are truly hilarious. Love them!
Have fun in Costa Rica most definitely. Nothing beats being able to snorkel, hike, go to waterfalls, scuba dive, do horseback riding, surf, boogie board, go para sailing, lounging on the sand in a beach chair under a beach umbrella sipping on a margarita, mojito or any alcholic beverage, doing it with the ‘special one’!
Wow! I’m excited for you and I’m not even the one who’s going to be there. Safe travel and mucho mucho fun!
We are a ridiculous duo. And rest assured that I will! Thanks
I’m so effing jealous of you.
Please make mental notes for Shiz My Boyfriend Says: Vacation edition
You lucky bitch.
Oooooo, great idea!!! I’ll let that slide…
Have a wonderful trip! Bring us all back a treat!
Will do!
Trash can = hilarious. Have fun on your trip!!!
I thought so. Thanks!
I don’t really like the new secretary on The Office. She’s kind of a bitch. Kid Funk said, and I quote, “You just don’t like her cause she didn’t want candy on her desk without permission.”
He couldn’t have been more right.
I couldn’t understand the no candy on her desk without permission bit either – it was stupid. I hate her for that…
I am so f*cking jealous I could scream. Maybe if I did scream, my boss would think I was suffering a slight nervous breakdown and send me home to recoup and recover. Or just fire my sorry ass for being crazy. Shoot.
Have such fun!!!
Oooo, I wish you could come… I know what Boston’s like in the winter!
I thought Maxie lived near you already! Have a great time in CR!
She lives in WV- TWO HOURS AWAY!!! Now she’ll be just up the road!
Have so much fun!
Also, the “don’t contradict me with things I’ve taught you” convo? I’m pretty sure I’ve had that one. Silly boys.
The degree of indignance was priceless.
Favorites: bathroom trashcan (only a man would think that it’s inefficient) and Murray the Mongoose.
Have a great trip. I’ll be stuck in Detroit, jealous as hell.
“Murray the Mongoose” sounds like a fantastic children’s book.
Enjoy Costa Rica, you whore.
That name-calling may have been the result of insane jealousy.
That’s fair.
Her boobs probably were a bargain compared to that koi.
Hahaha, that’s an awesome post, as always I adore The shiz
Have a great time in CR and don’t get too much sand in your bikini .. if ya know what I mean *wink wink* .. you don’t ?!
Uhmm, o-tay, forget I even mentionned it.
What?! What will we do for the next few weeks? *sob* Why haven’t we seen your halloween photos yet??
Oh, have fun I guess
I hope you see monkeys! Have a grand time!
Hey, Newbie reader here. So far, I find your blog way fun and just thought I’d say hi.
Oh and here I was thinking my husband was the only person that said things like that.
Don’t knock it. I’ve drank a beer while on the shitter. One of the most relaxing things I’ve ever done. Turn the lights out of a good ambiance.
Oh, and I just looked at a pic of Murray. And I have a cat that looks a lot like that. Random…
There may have been a brief moment of panic where I read the farewell and you were peacing out from the blogging world. Glad to know it’s just your Costa Rica trip.
The “I forgot my beer” line is similar to something I would say. Except for me it’d be “I forgot my iPod”.
Have fun, take tons of pictures, and we’ll see you when you get back. Take care.
Have a blast! I won’t be jealous. Not at all…
Have fun in Costa Rica!!!And er-cat…mongoose.Um okay I’ll take your word for it!
Oh,and btw I have something for you on my blog
Okay maybe you can clear this up for me. How exactly does one throw out a trash can? This has really kept me up late at night for years.
Those were hilarious!!! And let B know, I usually take my beer with me as well to do the duty! HA!
Have fun! We just got back from Jamaica! Hope your weather is beautiful! And those little pink umbrella drinks… my tum tum still aches with a passion when I think about them!
Maxie’s moving to DC? Shit. Did anybody warn the citizens? It’s going to be complete utter chaos and debauchery, the two of you in close proximity! Awesome! Have a great time on your well deserved vacation. Oh, and you and B are freakin’ killing me. You two need your own reality show. Seriously!
My boyfriend has to have his iPhone in the bathroom. B is much more badass with the beer. I’ll tell him he needs to step it up a notch.
Hope y’all have an amazing trip!
The koi pond… hubs and I have these kinds of discussions all the time, I’m referring to boobs or woman, and he’s talking about cars or something off in the distance… And the blank stare always get pointed at me.
Have fun. Yes, jealous, will miss you!
Well at least now you wont have any cobras invading your apartment and hiding in your inefficient trash cans.
Have an excellent time in Costa Rica!
Poop problem…and they are prob $2000 too funny stuff
Have so much fun in Costa Rica! I love the inefficient trash can. Hahahaha.
i TOTALLY do not take beer into the bathroom with me often enough. i hereby pledge to correct that deplorable lack of awesomeness.
actually sometimes i take my beer to the bathroom too… lol!
have fun on your trip!!
Beer in the bathroom … thank God my hubby does’t read this blog! He doesn’t need any new ideas!! LOL
Have a safe & relaxing trip!!
HAHA I swear, my fiance says some of the strangest, yet funniest, things ever too. Other times he just pulls stuff out of the air and I give him a look of, “You dork.”
Have such a good time on your trip! Envy abounds!
You deserve this vaca like no one I’ve ever met.
Have a motherfking blast.
TRRRRRREEESSSSS Jealous right now!
Have a great, wonderful, drunken time on the warm Caribbean beach… ummmmm we’ll all be HERE if you need us
I will talk on the phone while pooping, but I absolutely cannot talk on the phone while naked. Or if I know the other person is naked. I can’t.
Oh, and boobs around here are $6685. In case you were wondering. But you’ve got an awesome rack – so whatever.
HAVE FUN! Monkeys! Monkeys!
Some of the best convos tween my man and I happen in the bathroom. We should start a series called “The Bathroom Diaries” or some shiz. Have a mega-awesomelypants vaca!!!
B is right, you are an evil-hooker whore. I hope you get sunburned tits and ass while your gone. That would serve you right bad word.
Oh, and doesn’t everyone take their adult beverage to the toilet?
haha so cute! i love to read conversations of people. it’s like the twitter what my dad says.
I’m glad to hear Matt is not the only guy who takes his beer into the bathroom with him for a poop.
Safe travels and have a wonderful time!!!
have fun!!! please drink enough for all of us. xoxo
The last one is the best! HAHAHAAAZ
What Puerto Rico?? If you see your suitcase moving, that’ll be me inside. Hola!
What’s a mongoose? I know…stupid question, but I am lazy to google
I do love ‘the shiz my boyfriend says’. 
Wish my bf has some shiz to say 
. OH, have fun in the sun 
and don’t get too much sun without sunscreen…will miss ya. 
Be back…:P to the wonderful wonderland of DC…(wouldn’t it be freezing cold when you come back?)
kiss kiss .. listen Lilu .. i’m gonna freakin miss you
and your squirrel-i-ness … but ..
I sincerely hope you both have the awesomest chillaxing vacation you could ever possibly imagine .. and if by some crazy chance you do forget us all with every sip you take (c-rap.. Police song now floods my head -every breath you take) .. flippopotamas !! I don’t remember what I was going to say , the song distracted me..
Later !!!
Can I tell you how much I love, love, love the fact that B takes a beer into the bathroom with him? I have been known to do that a time or 2 before (who am I kidding, all the time) so now I feel in good company.
Have a blast on your vacay! Mucho jealouso!
xoxo
Ha, my Hubs calls his poop situation the “downtown pushdowns” but I wasn’t aware drinking while doing business was a no no. I learn something from you everyday.
Have fun in Costa Rica!
Have a good trip!
The city has no clue what they’re in for.
Costa Rica! Sweet trip, are you going to do any eco-tour hiking and stuff? See if you can’t find and bring back a monkey…
ps – Erin does indeed
Okay I didn’t realize you were going on vacation and may I just say: You. Suck. LOL
I’m SO completely jealous, but not too jealous to say have a great time and a safe trip!
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! Enjoy Costa Rica!!!!!!!!
I am SO jealous of your upcoming trip! Have a great time and remind B that soon he’ll be able to bring drinks with umbrellas in them to the bathroom next time he has a “poop situation”.
Poop & a beer – how could you go wrong?!
All he needs now is the cell phone with internet… he may never come out
Have a great trip!
Have fun!!!
Just be glad it’s just a beer in the bathroom… My BF likes to bring his laptop in there. Along with a kitchen stool to rest it on. Ewww.
have an amazing vacation, drink something tropical for me. woo.
Murray’s way cuter. Mongooses are gross.
Kinda like the way S in convinced Richard Gere and Harrison Ford are twins…um, yeah not so much.
Have a fabulous trip missy!!! Can’t wait to hear all about it!
have fun!!
Enjoy your vacation.. ;o)
Bitch. I hate you. I wanna go to fuckin’ Costa Rica. God damn it.
have the best time everrrrrrrrrrr!!!
Have a great trip!!! Get very drunk and have lots of sex too!
Have fun, I so wish I were down there instead of cold miserable Michigan…
Ah well. Have a strong fruity drink with at tiny umbrella on me!!
I’ll miss my therapist!
Have so much fun!!! Can’t wait to hear about your trip!
Mike just told me that sometimes he slips in idiot responses in conversation just to catch me off guard and make me think, “oh my God what am I getting myself into.” Sometimes it works.
Have a blast! I’m sure you will!
Does your boyfriend have a brother with the exact same personality? Cuz if so, sign me up.
Have FUN!
Those conversations were hilarious. Have a great trip and get back safe!!
Have fun on vaca!!
yay yay yay for costa rica.
i jealous
I like that man candy of yours. I might have taken a cocktail into the bathroom with me a time or two myself.
Have fun in sunny Costa Rica with your bundle of wonderful, you deserve it! We’ll be waiting right here….in the cold….for your return
Have an awesome time!!!!!
Thank god my husband isn’t the only one who takes his beer into the shitter.
I hope B proposes! I keep dreaming that one day I’ll see you and Maxie on “say yes to the dress” nothing would make me happier. sophie in toronto
Costa Rica is a beautiful country. Hope you have a relaxing trip.
OMG almost every blogger I read is heading out to Costa Rica? OMG I need to go too!:D It’s nearer where you live, I heard it’s gonna take two days plane ride from here *sigh*
LOL @ Beer while pooping btw!
Awwwwww sweetie pie. HAVE FUUUUUUUN!!!!! [obvi]
and B cracks me the effity UP
You and B are priceless! He is a funny gem, that one, and you as well. Thanks for cracking me up. Have fun, be safe and kiss CR hello for me…god I miss that country. ;0
Have fun on vacation! I love the shiz your boyfriend says!
Hey! I just wanted to say Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day!
Amazing as always