Some of you are fortunate crazy enough to follow me on the insanity that is The Twitter.
Shameless plug WHAT!
Some of you are smart enough not to.
To you I say, tough noogies!
Please to enjoy some of the mini-drivels I subject my fellow Twatterers to on the reg…
Me: Am I overbearing? B: *(cheerful as shit)* Only when you’re overbearing!
I just said the word “hizzy”, with hand gestures. I really, really wish I had a picture of B’s face.
Dear Padma: This is like the third pants suit you’ve worn this season. WE ARE OFFICIALLY OVER.
This is really sad, but… finding out that Shift + Tab is “Tab” backwards? One of the ten best things that’s happened to me this year.
Me: Oh, you got tall boys tonight, huh? B: Yeah… it means I have to get off the couch less. On account of the four extra ounces and all.
Only on my blog do the comments turn into The Great Strap-On Debate. Oh, wait… there’s no debate. You’re all for it, apparently.
This is going to sound weird, but the IT guy who just helped me smelled really good.. like a dad who bought you a bike on Christmas morning.
A twee Hispanic man just hissed “lesbian” at me on the street. I look decidedly preppy today. Color me confused.
I am 95% sure the old lady next to me on the bus just pooped herself. Where’s an “Oops I Crapped My Pants” when you need one?!
Me: Is it weird that my go-to insult is to say they look like they have pubic hair on their head? … Don’t answer that. @LexaLemmy: I won’t.
Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! http://tiny.cc/leU3Q The best part? He was already on probation for having sex with the SAME HORSE. via @chasrunner
B shaving off his beard, step 1:
B shaving off his beard, step 2:
B shaving off his beard, step Porno Star:
Me: You just CANNOT get a decent burger in Central America. @lexalemmy: I seriously want to post that to Things White People Say.
Coworker: Welcome back! Oh, you’re not tan. I thought you went to CR? Me: I did… this is super tan for me. Coworker: Oh. … I’m sorry.
In case you don’t want to look through 250 pics, my favorite from Costa Rica… SCOTT BAIO BARTENDER!!!!!!!
B just called me an evil hooker-whore. He then explained that it’s hyphenated when I glared at him with skepticism.
Awkward moment of the day: For some reason, I just told an almost-stranger of a coworker that my vacation was “magical”.
Apparently, Axe Murderer takes after her mama and papa – http://twitpic.com/q1yx1
LOVE IT.
{ 66 comments }
Lol you are just an awesome twitter-er!I wish I could tweet.140 char is NEVER enough.For me
Would you mind if I said B looks like Chuck Norris in Delta Force in the first pic?
And,would love to see a drunken cat
I would NOT mind, as that is not an opinion, it is a fact.
Much better than my tweets that are, like:
Nightime Cold + Mucinex + two large cups of coffee = dizziness and hallucinations & OMG OMG OMG A RAT IS EATING MY FOOT! Wait. Just my shoe.
My blog is #8 in the search for ‘Tony Danza Anal Rape.’ Um…Who’s the boss? I think we all know now, Tony.
Home sick today. Must rest. Rest = Xbox and porn. Xbox needs to make a porn game. Maybe a better idea for Wii. I’m apparently delusional.
Did anyone else watch the chimp attack victim footage from Oprah and think, “MY GOD…Unreal. Oprah looks like SHIT.” Or was that just me?
Made a HUGE pile of leaves for the kids to jump in. What do they do in Florida? I’m guessing jump in piles of alligators and pedophiles.
For anyone who thinks moog is as funny as I do, you can follow him on the Tweet here.
moooooog35 Reply:
November 20th, 2009 at 11:15 am
OOOH!
I SHALL INCLUDE MY TWITTER LINK!!
I’m such a whore.
But you’re OUR whore.
padma’s officially lost it this season…where did her hotness go? and who is her baby daddy?
I am so over her AND the Brit. Tom, you are all I have left!
“A twee Hispanic man just hissed “lesbian” at me on the street. I look decidedly preppy today. Color me confused.”
This made me so, so happy. No offense.
I never take offense. Life would be too boring otherwise.
I love that B is a lazy turd like me and thinks that tall boys are so much better b/c of the extra 4 oz. Now that we have a kegerator it makes it better and worse. Better b/c we have basically unlimited beer at our disposal but worse b/c said beer is all the way in the detached garage now instead of in the kitchen. Enter: Our old college mugs which are HUMONGOUS. I love being a lazy beer drinker.
Happy Friday schmoopykins!!!!
xoxo
Can I just tell you how mad I am that we’re not neighbors? We would be the BEST drinking buddies EVAR!!!
Kellie Reply:
November 20th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
You don’t love me. You just love my kegerator. Hahahahaha! J/k.
I wish we were neighbors too. God that would be sa-weet. Best drinking partners EVAR!
Hilarious once again! Glad you had fun in CR and pity you didn’t get the tan of your dreams! Maybe next time…
Once again, you are a reason I would join Twitter. Just to follow your tweets…
They look like they’ll definitely make my day!
Aw, thanks dear!
I love reading your tweets. They make me laugh most all the time.
*Most*? Hooker!
You’re never lonely with a strap on.
I’m not touching that one.
Literally.
That DOES look like Scott Baio!!!!
Right??
OK – I’m totally going to follow you on twitter right now!!!
and – even better – I’m gonna set you up so that your updates come directly to the iPhone. I could use some good random laughs through out the day!
yippppppeeeeee!
something to look forward to
(NO pressure – ha ha)
Tami G
Found you! Haha I’m up for the challenge!
This post confirms my suspicion I am highly hilarious.
Why else would I keep you around?
You always keep me entertained! I can totally relate to your living with boyfriend + cats lifestyle!
Thank goodness for the boyfriend. This scenario would be very different otherwise…
The laws of nature require that when a man shaves he must make stop offs at Hulk Hogan and Porn Star. Thems the rules.
Beard Shaving
Apparently. He’s done this every single time I’ve seen him shave down.
OMG! Scott Baio is totally a bartender! I guess Scott Baio Is 45…and Single didn’t get picked up for a 2nd season….bummer…..
It did have a second, but not a third. Don’t ask how I know that.
Padma looked like shit this week. I’m done with the bitch too.
I went from adoring to LOATHING her this season. She just seems so… full of herself, and not nearly as elegant. I dunno.
Love your tweets. And how cute is axe-murderer. =]
She is the cutest little murderer in the world.
Wow. Scott Baio is aging well….
Did B keep the pornstache? Boom Chika Wow Wow…
He actually went one worse than that, but it was so scary to look at I couldn’t post it.
That video is hysterical. Almost needed a depends reading it…
*Snarf*!
I also like to hiss lesbian at people, so it’s not just for wee mexicans anymore.
“People”? Does that include men? Because that would be kind of hilarious.
The tweet on telling your co-worker about your vacation makes me wonder if “magical” had hand gestures…please tell me it had a hand gesture.
Oh, god. I can’t remember, but I’m sure it did. Sigh.
My husband is in the process of growing back his beard/goatee. I am loving it.
I know! That shaving was from Halloween, but he’s got it back after Costa Rica. I’m kind of hoping it sticks around.
You make me smile…
I need that these days…. thank you! lol
Awwww. Glad to do it!
I know… Padma wearing a pantsuit is just… just… wrong. I mean that’s like having a swimsuit competition and the contestants wearing those hi-tech fullbody suits. I watch Top Chef to see Padma eat sexy food wearing a cocktail dress. It’s food porn! Get with it Bravo!
Was that TMI?
Never, around here. You know that.
I remember reading the Padma/pant suit one and thinking “damn that LiLu for pointing that out” another reason for me to wish her off the show.
I know. She just isn’t cutting it anymore. NEXT!!!
LOL. Our dog is always trying to sneak tastes of our beer and wine. Her and Ax Murderer should get together and throw a kegger!
I can just see them sitting back with a couple o’ stogies.
Your cat Axe Murderer looks JUST like my cat MoJo!!
Oh, and Shift+Tab? Amazing. Changed my world when I discovered it too. And I was just as sad that it did.
Good thing Axe Murder doesn’t have imposable thumbs–there’s nothing worse than coming home and finding that someone drank your last beer in the fridge. Fucking cats.
I’m shaking my head at you over this Shift-Tab thing. How do you know all the answers to all my questions about the internets and NOT that?
I have obviously not been following you long enough.
Oh god, the porn ‘stache. I’ve seen that way too much this November.
Someone call CPS. That there looks like a cat molester…
I always smile reading your tweets. It’s like you have a gene of hilariousness that most people dont have!:P
Omg, you have an Imperial koozie!!! I’m madly jealous. Love your twits.
I follow you. I used to have a really, ridiculously high IQ. I think just from following, lost points. Just sayin’. But, I still love you!
Porn stache! NICE!
B looks like he needs to join the Montana Mustache militia in that 3rd pic. And yes, it’s a real thing.
B has that Ben Stiller “Zoolander” face going on in the porn beard photos.
And I ask, will there ever be a time when a moustache is cool again? Because right now they just scream “I LIKE OTHER BOYS’ BUMS!” to me. Not that there’s a damn thing wrong with that, but hey, what about the ladies? (they’ll never be cool on ladies either)
So ‘B’ took his facial hair look from ‘King Richard I of England’ to ‘The motorcycle guy on Village People’ to ‘Magnum PI’ before shaving it all off? What, no Hitler photo frame?
ok see? this is why having strict parents growing up sucks, because I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SCOTT BAIO LOOKS LIKE. are you happy now, mom and dad?!?
Bad sign or good sign: The “Oops I crapped my pants” sketch is constantly turning up in conversations in my life lately. Hmmm…
I just got a twitter! I’ll have to follow you
I think my favorite out of these is B rockin the infamous P-stache.
PS. I kinda like the porn stash…just think of the fantasys.
You’re my favorite twat.
I know. I’m childish. I just like saying twat whenever I can, thanks TWITTER!
Scott Baio look alike looks yummy to me.
Axe Murderer just wanted a swig… right?
I was just laughing aloud. My puppy was asleep next to me on the sofa. She lifted her head up, and she was all, “Yeah. It’s LiLu. I get why you’re laughing,” and she put her head back down.
You know I actually found out about twitter from you! I think it was you at least hah.
I think it was a blank video that we had to figure out what was going on in it, like a movie with someone snoring or something.
If this wasn’t you LiLu, I guess I look like an ass.
Tell me you packed Scott Baio bartender and he’s going to bartend our need meet up….right?
Glad you enjoyed CR!!!!!
OMG that bartender.
OMG THAT BARTENDER.
I stumbled upon a gift for you to give to B so you don’t get deadskinnails.
http://www.artistreewoodart.com/Gifts/Back%20Scratchers/basc.html
I bet you could have gotten one in CR….
PS – They will even put a woodburned inscription! LOL
Oh my – but that really does look like Scott in his prime (post Chachi/pre Charles).
I’m sold. I’ll follow your crazy ass.
Huh,. apparently I’m already following your crazy ass! LOL
Well that was a generously lavish smorgasbord of hilarity! Made my morning!
lol, cute tweets!!!
http://www.kaneeshp.blogspot.com
he looks so funny without the beard! lol
OMG Liluu u always make my day!!! “step porn star” ROFL!!!
I will pray for your souls. This filth should not be allowed on the same blogosphere as the spiritually wholesome ones, and I have written to the WordPress owners expressing that.
You are a twitter pro!
LMFAO….I like the “Porn Star” picture.
Damn girl 755 followers where the hell have I been. You go girlfriend!
i wish he would have kept the porn start mustache!
or did he?
we didn’t get a final pic now did we?
Totally need your Twitter feed in my life. ADDED
As someone who’s officially old enough to be your nerdy big sister or insanely cool young aunt, I would just like to say THANK YOU for the Scott Baio bartender pic.
I used to basically froth at the vagina whenever Zapped! was on tv as a girl.
You made my Monday.
HAHAHA! What is B’s porn name… he has to have one with that stache.
“Dear Padma: This is like the third pants suit you’ve worn this season. WE ARE OFFICIALLY OVER.”
ahahahah HAHAHHAHa hahahahah HAHHAha hahaha
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