***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***
Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…
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All right, lovahs. Just an FYI… this one even makes ME want to barf in my corn flakes. If you have a weak stomach with bathroom stuff, skip.
Oh, and, um… if you were at my housewarming, you might want to skip, too.
Love you guys!
Okay! So, a few Fridays ago, B and I had our tame, quiet little wine and cheese “Welcome to Our New Abode” shindig, right? And it was all classy and lovely and there was definitely no piñatas or shotgunning of beers in a bathtub. That would be ridiculous… I’m a grown up, remember?
So, anyhoo, I had that day off from work, which was great for preparation purposes. I’d done all the shopping and cleaning and time was ticking down. All I had left to do was make two enormous pans of baked ziti, with the hopes that they would keep everyone from passing out before midnight.
(Shut up, ALL OF YOU. I made it until 12:15 before crashing out on Katierose’s sweet, sweet bosom.)
Anyboob.
I was about to head to the kitchen and get cracking, like any good domesticated woman, when I felt the distinct ass-rumblings of That Which Will Not Wait. Well, fine, right? For once I’m in my own home and not stuck at the office with my boss in the stall next to me, or walking home through my old shady neighborhood.
So I TCOB’d it, obvy, and flush the nasty down to the bowls of hell, where it hopefully landed on Chumbawumba’s head.
Wait, they’re not dead? Oh.
My statement stands.
Except it didn’t go down… it came swirling back up.
Like, AT MY FACE AND STUFF.
I stared in horror, mouth agape like the mouth breather on your morning bus commute. As it neared the top, I finally kicked into action and reached for the plunger…
That we didn’t have. Because we’d just moved in and all, and even though we had made approximately 15 trips to Target since for super important things like cat outfits and pot holders, apparently “items that will keep your apartment from overflowing with shit” just didn’t make the list.
By the grace of Chuck Norris, the water came to a slow and threatening stop just before the point of overflow. An orgasmic rush of relief washed over me, but the gravity of the situation remained apparent… I had an apartment with ONE CLOGGED TOILET… And 40 people were about to descend on the place to eat, drink and be merry.
I considered my options. Realistically, I was already behind schedule and there was no time to go hunting for a plunger. We hadn’t met any of the neighbors yet and giving them information about my bowel movements was not the way I wanted to start off. For once, I begged the cats to play in the toilet instead of pulling them away from it in horror, but they are wily creatures and would have none of it, choosing instead to mock me from their perch on the tub.
I knew what I had to do. I could see the wad of TP, drifting back and forth like a piece of icky seaweed.
I rolled up my sleeve, let out a whimper, took a deep breath, and reached into the belly of the beast.
YOIIIIIIIINK!!!!!
With an admissive groan of defeat, the beast gave way, and its innards quickly began draining away.
Too ashamed to even celebrate, I scrubbed my hands like I was a Soprano who’d just sent someone to sleep with the fishes.
And in a way… I had.
Other awesomely bad TMI Thursdays this week…
(Oh, and FYI? Next week I’m going to post a bunch that you’ve all sent to me but are too ashamed to post on your own site. So if you’ve got one, now’s the time! heylivitluvit at gmail dot com.)
jenniferalaine’s tmi thursday: the butterfly effect.
Mb’s Knock a little louder next time
Spleen’s TMI Thursday: nudity, body parts, fat, spleens, and vomit
the iNDefatigable mjenks’ TMI Thursday: Terrible Date POV
Insomniac Lolita’s TMI Thursday : Smell Test
Sebastian’s Sebby, international man of mystery… yeah baby, YEAH!
mylittlebecky’s teee eeem eeeeeeye! yeah, bitchezzzz
Travis’ TMI Thursday: Yes, I HAVE Checked Myself For A Hernia.
Cassie’s TMI Thursday: A weekend with the girls…
Ed’s TMI Thursday: Amy G’s First Time….
That Kind of Girl’s The Kind of Girl Who … gives up her seat car, but may smear you with bodily fluids in the process (a tiny dash of TMI Thursday)
Daffy’s TMI Thursday – Work It Girl
shine’s TMI Thursday – But she can’t use tampons…
Carissa Jade’s TMI Thursday: A Fairy Tail ending
becky on Jill Pilgim’s becky is so good at back rubs that if jesus were to give back rubs he would have to take lessons from becky because she’s better than jesus at back rubs
Sean’s TMI Thursday: Strip Club Story
Big Sis’ TMI Thursday Nuggets
Ms. Terri’s Losing it (sort of)
Hillbilly Duhn’s My Panty & Super Hero Obsession – TMIT
Kendall’s TMI Thursday: Your Childhood? Ruined FOREVER
Just A Girl’s TMI Thursday: Again? You have to be fucking kidding me…
Nikolett’s TMI Thursday: Carbs, Carbs, Carbs
Jeney’s TMI Thursday – My First Period
verybadcat’s TMI Thursday: Grape Nuts Kitty Litter
Lucy’s TMI:Fast Food & Political Affairs
bing’s TMI Thursday: Drop it on the shelf
long red cape’s TMI Thursday: Things About Flatulence
The Bare Essentials’ TMI Thursday – Here’s the story, of a lovely lady, who refused to pop her boyfriends cyst with a pin.
Tricia’s TMI Thursday: Morning Snack
Karilynn’s TMI Thursday – I didn’t wake up
LEBOMBED1’s Popping my TMIT cherry….
Ex Hot Girl’s TMI Thursday: I’m gonna chew on your armpit.
{ 109 comments }
This is truly disgusting. I want you to know, that you have single handedly been responsible for making me believe that ladies poop. I’ve never been so enlightened. Congrats, you’ve ruined my life. AND I GOT THROW UP IN MY CORN FLAKES!
I suppose that explains all the e-coli poisonings.
Yep, that one was pretty bad. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do! And hey, how very respectable that you went for the nasty to make sure you guests had a toilet. That’s right- I just made you stickin your hand in a toilet full of crap respectable.
I once had one of my friends clog my toilet at my old apartment.
He was so fat he had D-cup breasts, and was ugly as sin.
I had to ask my landlady for a plunger. She looked at him, looked at me and said
“I don’t want the plunger back”.
My old landlady rocked.
On a related note, now that I’m a house owner, he’s not allowed to shit on my can.
…oh. oh god. that’s horrifying. and why, for some reason, is baked ziti the grossest possible food to cook after such an experience? still, a girls got to do what a girl’s got to do, i guess.
this certainly puts my story of accidentally perioding on a girl i just falsely accused of being pregnant to TMI shame.
LMFAO….I have to say, I’ve never heard a story like that before! LOL!
At this point, it’s making any of my TMI Stories seem like nothing, so am searching my little brain trying to remember something TMI-Worthy…..
I could see myself doing something like that. And, after scrubbing, I would purposefully shake everyone’s hand as they entered my abode, knowing that I had just been shoulder deep in toilet regurgitation a mere 40 minutes prior.
You’re a better human than I am.
Ohhh hahahhahha !!! How I wish I could say I’ve never been in the same float.. um boat… But I never wanted to recall it again… Just a few weeks ago I had to fish a tampon out with a pen. But that wasn’t nearly as horrifying experience. loveeeee it.
omg you didnt! but you did, that’s amazing and nasty all at once. please forgive me in advance if i dont shake your hand at your bday party.
oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do.
ps a kid i went to camp with did the same thing in the boy’s bathroom and everyone knew about it.
Where was the ass log while all this plumbing was going on?
Was it already down?
Floating against your arm?
Never mind, I don’t really want to know.
Do you make house calls? I’ve got 3 boys and 2 girls living in a house with 2 toilets. Eventually we’ll need your help.
Oh you poor thing. That is disgusting. I’m not sure if I would have the balls to do that. So three cheers to you for putting your hand into your own shit. But I mean hey, it’s not like you hadn’t done that before anyway.
Luvs! xoxo
Honestly, the things that happen to you…
Wow. I have a really high tolerance for gross and I actually gasped reading this. My coworker who is TOTALLY READING OVER MY SHOULDER RIGHT NOW was all “What? Is this your blog?” And normally I’d totally say yes but today? I’m glad it wasn’t me.
OMFG. Goodbye, LiLu. Just… goodbye.
Girl, you gotta be quick with the water shut off. If you see the water level rising instead of sinking, dive for the water valve knob like your life depended on it and shut that sucker down before you have overflow. (Yes, I have experience with this. If stopping overflowing toilets was an Olympic sport, I would totally medal.)
UGH.
GAG.
Gross is understatement….
I had to go in after my phone once. But there was only pee in the toilet. Still…
wow…… and um..i think i just threw up in my mouth a little.
I hope you’re proud of me. I just ate breakfast WHILE reading this.
THE CHAMP.
There was ziti? How did I miss this?!
Oh, and EWWWW.
Did I touch you that night?
Did I?
You’re dead to me.
Once again thank you for contributing to my diet. I will not be eating for a week now…lol!
I dropped a pair of sunglasses in the toilet once, and I didn’t fish them out. It was just urine.
You are a better person than I.
Super brave of you to stick your hand *into* the toilet!! There’d be absolutely no way I’d do that!!!
“OVERFLOWBIA” The fear of, well, exactly what happened to you!! LOL That sucks but thanks for sharing. I think I’m going to like TMI Thursdays. I’ll have to think of something to write of my own. I’ve got plenty…..
Hahahaa!!! I’m not grossed out, I am amused!!!
After dealing with 2 kids, 2 cats, a hubby and a dog for many years, I have learned that shit washes off…..
aaaah shit… seriously.. shit! lol… yea someone up there said that they didn’t think they woulda had the nerves to do it… i couldn’t have.. oh no!! i don’t care where my hubby was.. he woulda got himself home pronto.. and i sooooo woulda made him! lol..
LOL…Why didn’t you use a hanger or something?
I am grimicing now. You win.
you are so much braver than i can even begin to imagine.
That is disgusting, but you are ONE. TOUGH. ASS. COOKIE.
I would’ve just made everyone late, but I run on Greek time, and so do most of my friends (even though they don’t have a convenient ethnic group excuse).
Ewww. Okay. You win. My stomach actually lurched that time.
Great story!! I had a somewhat similar thing happen, back when I was in field service and wore a pager. It cam off my belt and landed in the toilet right on top of my beautifully piled lump of old burrito I had passed. I weighed my options, and because a lost pager was 100 dollars I had to pay versus a free replacement if I brought the old one in, I girded my loins and went on in.
I adore you. Water just shot out my nose. Nothin’ better than that.
wow….you are so so brave. i mean for admitting it…
I’m getting you a plunger as a wedding gift.
You make me proud.
Oh *gag* mah *gag* GAH!! This idea may be coming a little late, but you could have used some sort of…device…like a stick from the yard or something? to loosen the shitpaper? That poopwater would’ve been mixed with barfwater if I’da had to stick my ARM in there!!
Were it not for the fact that I have a story very similar to this, this might me throw up a bit in my mouth. As it is, it just gives me an idea for next week’s TMI.
OMG..you are such a better woman than I am. There is no way in freaking hell that I would have stuck my hand in that bowl. Eww..I totally just threw up in my mouth a little right there.
hoe lee gosh! that is the worst thing ever! ever! you should have used a cat outfit to help, perhaps a bee antenna? awww, they would be such cute catbees!
the things you own up to. brave woman.
That is really gross. You didn’t have a hanger handy..I have found that works wonders!!
Try having the toilet clog on you at work! ugh!
Wow! Lol this made my day in a weird yet unique way.
I champion your bravery and courage.
Wow.
And then you made dinner….
Oh wows … I would probably scream and cry if I was in your situation. You are a brave brave woman. And I’m going to get you lots of hand sanitizer for Christmas
By the way, I did my first TMI Thursday at my blog, you’ve inspired me! And it’s also about poop LOL:
http://better-than-coffee.blogspot.com/2009/10/tmi-thursday-carbs-carbs-carbs.html
This earns you the Hostess of the Year Award. Because really. I’m proud, in a weird and sick kinda way….
I dont know if you participate in these, but your blog is my favorite and I gave you an award over on my blog!
You are my hero. Really.
YESSS!!! i love a good shit story!
you don’t even know how many times this has happened to me in my life and everytime i still get that jaw dropping heart fell out of chest feeling. and oh yes i’ve done the whole dive and grap too! EWWWWW!!! i know, TMI…gotta love it.
I’m sick today and really should have skipped this one! (lol)
I would have puked, not cooked afterwards!
LiLu….this is truly the worse yet. I shall never look at you the same again
You are brave.
Gosh Darn it, Ed Adams!! You know, I thought the same thing he wrote, where was the poop at this present moment?? But like he, I don’t really want to know the answer. I mean, I do. I don’t. It’s like that frumpy ass lady that walks by at the grocery store. Her ass twitching this way and that way, and rumbling like jello in between, you can’t help yourself, you watch her as she amples down the aisle. You don’t want to keep watching it, but you have to… That’s how I feel about said question about where in the bowl was LiLu’s poo??
LiLu I’m an IDIOT, so i dunno how to work links and stuff but I did honor the TMI Thursday theme on my blog. Then I read yours…Wow I’m impressed, next Thursday I will have to pull out all the stops.
Oh nasty! I would have just put an out of order sign on the bathroom door. LOL
Honey I did retrieve my glasses out of a poop toilet once since I didn’t want to flush them down. I washed my hands about 20 times with antibacterial soap.
I hope that I NEVER have to do anything of the sort.
fabulous read. thank you
OMG horrible.
I’d like to move that a moratorium be placed on any further LiLu TMIT poop stories, since this one is near impossible to outdo. Unless of course you somehow end up with it in your mouth, in which case I’m pretty sure I still don’t want to read about it.
O….M……G I couldn’t never have done that…I have bad gag reflex issues (i know, I know) and would have hurled all over the bathroom!
Again, Lilu. You make pooping sounds really scary lol thank god I’m not eating anything right now. I would’ve vomited.
You know, I had a similar thing happen to me when I was 19. Except I was drunk. And I threw up all over the floor in front of me. Then clogged the toilet with the TP I used to clean up the puke. Then reached through that bile mess and pulled it out. All at my boss’s house because I was friend’s with her daughter. UGH.
To answer your question, “Yes. I will still come over and hang out if inivited.”
OMG!!! I’ve had the same thing happen to me, but I looked for something to fish out the tp with! Please tell me you had some gloves on or something….ewwww! Awesome TMIT!
I’ve had that nightmare.
I know I have done this before. I just don’t have as vivid a memory of it as you do. Some sort of mental blockage mechanism I ’spose…
WITH YOUR HAND!? YOUR HAND!?? i’ve done similar, but i fished out the offending tp wad with a wooden spoon. which i believe i then threw away. FOREVER.
FYI…if you jiggle the handle, it stops the water from rising. ALSO, you should’ve gone and found one of those plastic bags from a retailer and suited up the arm like a big giant condom or something.
You are AWESOME….just awesome. I don’t know what to say other than that!
Uh wow. Did NOT see that coming.
Or did I?
)
If it makes you feel any better, I think it was all worth it to introduce me to the saying TCOB. It reminds me of TCBY. Only more delicious.
I think I would have died if I had to reach my arm into my own poo-clogged toilet. I do have to say, you are a trooper! Sometimes there is no other alternative…
I just laughed my ass off!! Not too gross though, I’ve had to do worse (I’m a nursing student)!
Finally decided to join the fun and post my own TMI Thursday post!
http://karilynnlove-thoughtfulconfessions.blogspot.com/
*golfclap*
B is a lucky dude, because you’re a keeper. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes.
And I feel you on forgetting the plunger when moving in. In my last apartment I had a similar experience, and no plunger. In moving in to my new apartment, you bet your ass that a plunger was near the top of my shopping list.
man that must have been one huge turd. you should have taken a picture of it and framed it
Oh wow. You poor girl. I would never have done it, but if I did, I would have bathed in bleach afterwards.
I was determined to read all the comments so that I didn’t repeat anyone, but I got to Ed Adams and the floating ass log, and I could not longer stomach it.
Did you have any rubber gloves or a long-handled kitchen utensil?
I feel the need to shower right now.
That’s my girl.
I find it scary that I can relate to alot of your TMI stories.
I’ve totally done this. It was horrifying. But the water was not stopping, and it was the only thing I could think of doing.
Oh my god. Seriously? Talk about survival of the fittest….
I’m sure we’ve all been there to some extent or another…
for some weird reason this story made me think of Okie Noodling…
http://okienoodling.com/okienoodling2/press.html
and then it made me want to barf. I’m a notorious use too much tp and clog up the john offender too but the thought to use my BARE HAND when without a plunger would have never ever ever crossed my mind.
one of the best poop stories I’ve ever heard. Congrats.
Ya know… You gotta do what you gotta do. And how sad is it that they were talking about this shit (pun FTW!) on the radio this morning? They were asking questions like “how much money would you stick your hand in a porta-potty for?” Ha. Nasty.
Wow. You are a rock star. Not too many people I know would do that. You definitely took one for the team on that one.
i have my own story like this which i may post in the future. however:
“by the grace of chuck norris…” that line killed me. i was laughing like a maniac at this, which would have been fine except i was at a starbucks and the lady sitting near me was startled.
i’m totally stealing that from you.
Oh girl. No you didn’t!!
My sympathies to the entire top layer of epidermal cells on your hand who so unwittingly gave their lives for such a bold and necessary task.
Your blog should have a “like this post? Buy this blogger a gift!” and have a plunger be one of the options. (Maybe an amazon link would let you do this?)
(And if it makes you feel any better… I once had to do this too. My mind has erased the details!)
Did you add a plunger to your registry?!?
If not I will still send you one anyway…that is disgusting.
Oh mother of god! That is definitely a hell of a welcome to your guests. Lol
I’m proud of your hostess skills.
GROSS. I’m so glad breakfast was three hours ago and lunch will be in a different locale far, far away from this piece of nasty!
Omfg, that was awesome.
I think that just made you the sexiest woman on the planet, for me.
On a related note, I wrote about me seeing some hot chic barf away while I slurped on a yummy chocolate ice cream
Hmm I just realized it was chocolate after reading this post.
Good job lilu
Just…. wow. Even for TMI Thursdays this is intense. You may just be the best hostess EVER for that heroic act.
Now you see… I need to marry a girl like you. Because I could never do something like that. Kudos, baby.
Ew. That is all I have to say.
Yeah, that’s disgusting completely. My wine is about to make a repeat performance.. thanks!!
I’ve had that before. it’s the most desperate feeling!
But I’ve been at work (my own veery tiny boutique) and had a rough bowel movement to be delicate. Then after nicely flushing away the evidence, slowly the water came up, up , up …. and DOWN..
no, not as in through the toilet. but OUT of the toilet’s base! There decided to be a large crack in the grout and everything began to spill all over the floor outside of the small bathroom and INTO the hallway! liquid and pieces worse than anything.
the whole placed reeked.
It took 3 entire days to get a plumber out. so we had a repeat performance each time! Only toilet so we had to use it. Felt like a horror movie.
And the plumber?proceeded to explain mechanics to me. Like I give a shit?! really? I just want everything gone!
But it was, and to the lovely ladies who were shopping at the time… I am SOOOOOO sorry! Really!
sorry about the long posting. obv, very moved by your story!
Somehow I feel like MY hands are dirty right now. And this makes cleaning the litter box WAY less awful than it seems.
Nast.
This was fricking ethereal.
It would have been ungodly funny if I had stumbled across this post and you only had like 1 follower or something, haha now I’m laughing!
You master this type of SHIT.
alright, i’m sorry, but i find it hard to believe these people wouldn’t have done the same thing in your situation. really now.
also, i talked about you at my blog today.
well. mentioned you briefly.
the blog was more about my family and what a bunch of nutbags they are.
but you should read it anyway.
You’ll be amazed at how often you’re elbow deep in the loo once you have kiddies.
My number one fear is the toilet not only filling right up but overflowing. A few times it’s filled up, then mercifully stopped in time and drained itself. Am leaving house immediately to purchase a plunger though!!
I’m (not) ashamed to admit that I’ve had to do that before. I was at my boyfriend’s apartment, and he also had only one bathroom. I was NOT about to tell him I’d clogged his toilet with that evening’s meal, so I did what I had to do. No biggie.
I bet any time someone came in touch with that arm, you laughed at their misfortune.
I would.
You are a brave woman, altho I’d probably do it too.
Shit happens. =p
OMG – that just sucks! These stories stress me out but I love knowing I am not alone out there with these.
)
Holly shit! I am thoroughly entertained…
Ew. Just ew
You do what you gotta do, girl, you know?
Just scrub under your nails real good before you make dinner. Cause you don’t want the HEP. Wait, it’s your own poop. Can you get the HEP from your own poop? I’ll look into it…
Oh God!! So hilarious
I could share a similar story, but will save it for my own TMI entry on my blog sometime in the future. Mine story is not as, well, let’s say “hands on” as yours.
You did the right thing, BTW, and don’t let anyone tell you different. Let your haters be your motivators, Plunger Girl.
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