It’s been far too long! You all know this game by now… Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says”!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On G chat…
B: dirty secret of today: I accidentally purchased a “luna” bar–the fitness bar made for women. I’m going to get my period and grow breasts!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While watching True Blood, Sookie and Bill are getting it on…
B: Wait. What happens when they’re boning and she’s on the rag? I bet Bill loves that shit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the couch, I look over to see him extracting something from his nose. The expression on his face is a killer combination of awe and horror.
B: What the… I just pulled a girl cat hair from my nose! That was horrible… it felt just like throwing up spaghetti, when it goes on forever and you keep pulling and feel it moving through your whole nostril!
Me: [Laughing too hard to breathe.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At home, looking in a mirror…
B: What the… what is this on my face?
Me: Oh, yeah, I saw that earlier. You have one really long hair sticking straight out under your eye.
B: You SAW it?? Why wouldn’t you tell me?
Me: Well, I thought maybe it was just a loose hair or something. Apparently not. Hey, you know how I have that one blonde hair in the middle of my back that grows like an inch long?? I think it’s back. Will you try to find it later?
B: NO. No I will not.
Me: If you loved me you’d do it!
B: Well, there you go. I must not love you. I knew we’d have this conversation at some point, I just didn’t know it’d be about your back hair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the couch, B has BOTH cats in his lap.
B: Baby, will you get me a beer?
Me: [glaring]
B: What?? I’d totally do it, but I’m cat rich, bitch!
Me: I’ll get you a beer if you give me a cat.
B: Puff puff give, baby!
Me: ……….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the couch, again. (I know… shocking.)
B: I would rank your overall ideas in your life like this:
- getting the kitties
- finding Always Sunny
- loving me.
Because they’re always cute, Always Sunny never lets you down, but I’ll admit I’m a little up and down here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy happy weekend, everyone! Don’t eat too much pumpkin out there.
{ 105 comments }
Haha. OK, this was so cute. I love you guys.
I’m a fan as well.
Funny, children, I mean guys say the darndest things…
They really, really do.
It’s always about the back hair.
It’s only ONE. And it’s blonde and lady like. Dainty, even.
Some may say your boyfriend is sick, but I too have thought about Sookie’s period… so… your boyfriend is not sick. (?) I hope that logic works. Maybe you just think I’m sick now.
If you’re reading me, and enjoying… yes, you are a sick and twisted person. And we love you for it.
Back hair? Nice…
Klassy, even.
I don’t really watch TV, so I’m not into true blood, but one of my friends is completely obsessed with those Twilight Books, and I read them out of morbid curiosity. I, too, am wondering what Male Vamps do when their human partners are gushing blood from their unmentionable parts.
Then I saw this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I3hdK9sjGk
It all makes sense now.
OMG… I die!
Too cute. =] You guys are hilarious!
Xoxo
I laughed out loud at the cat nose hair thing.
Oh, so did I.
I really wish you had a reality show.
You and me both, darlin.
You two have the most hilarious conversationss…cat rich bitch killed it!
He actually says that all the time. Shocking, I know…
The first two — priceless.
Thanks, and welcome!
I am so brining Riot Punch to our next party! Such an awesome idea…
If only we’d had some on Saturday, it would have killed all our germs and no one would have gotten sick!
“I’m cat rich bitch” — hilarious. And I love his list of your accomplishments — good priorities
You gotta have your priorities… whatever they may be.
Ah tell B not to feel too bad. My guy roommates eat Luna Bars all the time… then again, they are gay!
And just thank your lucky stars your very long hair is coming out of your back and not your chin!
Love the shiz you guys say!
But if it was on my chin, at least I could find it by myself!
RiLu! I’ve missed you and your cuteness sooo much, travel stinks.
Um, if that’s what it does…dude, I need to get me a luna bar!
xx
p.s. Belated Happy Birthday, hon. I’m pretty sure I missed it – a long time ago. Heart you!
Right back atcha, sweet cheeks. Thanks! xoxo
I wille at as much pumpkin as I damn well please. In fact, I have turkey pumpkin chili for lunch.
You are dead to me.
Awww, you guys are like vommingly cute. Also, “cat rich, bitch” is the best phrase I have heard today or anticipate to hear for quite a dang time.
Aw, I love your face.
I’m totally using “cat rich, bitch!”
I knew you’d like that.
Priceless…each and everyone of these. Love the cat rich bitch line b/c we have two cats as well and it’s a contest to see who the cats love more. I think they love me more but only b/c I’m the one that feeds them. I have to bribe them with food for love. I’m not ashamed.
I always feed them, and they STILL like him better. So frustrating!
I like that B puts himself 3rd on your list of priorities. Show’s he’s realistic…or…something.
Or something is right.
I was wondering the exact same thing about Bill and Sookie!!
I Bet she gets special treatment that time of the month!!
Hahaha EXACTLY!
I once pulled a girl cat hair from my nose, too.
Oh..wait..
You’re actually talking about CATS?
Nevermind.
You are a special one, moog.
when I managed HBC department we sold Luna bars and guys would always ask me if it was okay to buy them for themselves.
Hint: If you have to ask, the answer’s probably “no”.
oh dude i think every guy has asked the “period question” during twilight and true blood. hahahaha!!!
It is one of the world’s most profound quandries.
wow it does sound funny!! this the first time i’m reading it and i really enjoyed it
I’m so glad!
“Cat rich bitch” and “puff puff give” in one blog post. My Friday? It’s so much better now. And pumpkin spice lattes? Still sucks balls.
You know the way to my heart.
So…B has a whisker? No wonder both cats were in his lap. They can relate.
GENIUS. That’s why they like him better! He’s furrier- they see him as one of their own!
i’d rip out your back hair and smile the whole time. *creeper*
If only I’d known last Saturday! We could have done it at the bar!
These are my favorite posts of yours by far. Today was another great example why. Reminds me of the domestic bliss that can only be described with great one-liners.
They’re my favorite, too. Mostly because he writes them for me.
HE. IS. HILAROUS!! Have you ever had him guest post for you? I’d love that!
A couple times… but I think we’re ready for another.
Ha. Those all had me laughing, so thank you for the Friday pick me up. The cat/beer conversation is classic. Cat rich! Loves it.
Yay! Glad to hear it, love.
some of the things that come out of that guy’s mouth! Hilare! I love the luna bar one…that he’s now going to get his period and grow breasts.
=
You two are a match made in heaven baby!
Or hell. But a match, nonetheless…
Finding stray hairs on each others bodies is one of the many “perks” of being in a relationship. LOL. For some reason, my husband gets the odd, freakishly long, lone white eyebrow hair every few months and he lets me rip it out with tweezers.
Ripping out mutant hairs is a special priviledge that I reserve for him alone because I love him. He thinks I just like to torture him. LOL
Oh, he has one on his arm that drives me NUTS. He won’t let me pluck it but he’ll do it himself if I nag enough. Love is grand.
If B grows girl boobs can you please take pictures and post? Thank you.
No moobs in my house. I’ve got enough tata for both of us.
Hahaha…I’m always finding random hairs growing on V. Sadly, it is just a reminder that we are getting older. Instead of losing his hair, he is growing a lot more. I’m not sure what is worse. I will admit that I have one uncontrolled arm hair. It will grow and grow and grow until I pull it out. At least it is blonde. Haha.
My mom has one on her arm too!!! I thought it was genetic. Turns out we’re not alone!
You guys are seriously the most hilarious couple ever.
We definitely amuse ourselves.
You two are just seriously funny and brilliant!
Aw, thanks so much, darlin.
cat rich! awesome! im totally using this one!!!!!
Steal away, my dear!
cat rich, bitch.
Nice.
I thought so.
Hahaha hahahaha. Awesome. I do that thing with the cat hair all the time- only with dog hair (my dog is really really fuzzy)
I’m sure the sensation is the same… DISTURBING.
Hilarious, as always. Especially with the cats.
Thanks, dear!
Have been missing this terribly! And I do believe the back hair made it worth the wait.
That’s so wrong, yet so right.
I have wondered the same thing about Sookie and her period. Really. More than once.
I’m surprised True Blood hasn’t touched on it. That show is just twisted enough to do it…
cat hair in nose=my worst nightmare and i’ve totally been there. a lot. *shudder*
i have that same hair on my shoulder… so weird! it’s like almost a non-hair until you find it and then you’re like, whoa! impressive.
I know. I kind of want to cultivate it and see how long I could get it to grow.
GROSS.
jesus, i made it before it got to 50+ comments…
i think officially, “cat rich, bitch” is going down as the fucking aweseomest phrase i’ve heard in a long time. well, at least for today. but i’ve also been hanging out with a toddler all day so, not much conversating going on.
i’m wondering if i can legally use “cat rich, bitch” if i don’t own any cats…
(i will anyway)
Oh, I’m SURE you can work it into conversation somehow… I have faith.
“cat rich, bitch!”
That made me fall off my chair. Love it. Although I think I saw it in a Dr. Suess book once.
Sure, I think the Grinch said it, didn’t he?
man B sounds like the man… and he’s obviously got a very soft spot for the kitties in his life…
To be fair, they ARE impossibly cute.
Forgot to add…after reading all your comments, I’m seriously disturbed by the amount of people with random long body hairs. Fascinating.
I know! I am not alone!
Okay, so the whole time we were at #pbandtuna I was standing close to B (without really talking to him) hoping to hear one of these gems slip out. And nothing.
Please explain that I’m not creepy (much) or crazy (much).
I warned you, he’s quiet around new people. They have no idea the twisted soul that lurks inside.
shine Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
That’s why I was being SNEAKY.
OMG, “cat rich” is my new favorite thing. God, I can’t wait to hang out with y’all.
April baby! April! Or was it May?
The hair/spaghetti in the nostril comment absolutely did me in. Gross…and hilarious!
Just the way I like it.
I’m a little worried about what B is going to do to your cats…or possibly his beer. Either way he should know, its not polite to bogard the kitty attention.
You’re telling ME! I need snuggles too!
In our house we are “awash in cats”, but “cat rich, bitch” is awesomesauce!
“Awash in cats” is wayyyy too classy for us.
I love the shiz B and you say, HILARIOUS!
Those freakishly long hairs are so strange. I have one that comes out of my neck. I had a friend think I had a stray hair and she went to pull it and she gasped loudly and announced that it was ATTACHED. And then insisted on removing it for me. That’s love right there.
Don’t ever let her go! You’re gonna need her when you’re 70 and can’t see them anymore!
HAHAHA, my favorite was him talking about girl cat hair in his nose, I would’ve laughed so hard too. Have a great weekend!
You too, love.
I think I have to start writing down the funny things that S says…
haha those were great
Do it do it!
The one with the nose hair was AWESOME. I want a funny boyfriend. Or maybe just the cats. So glad I found your blog.
That makes too of us.
Most men don’t grow hair out of their ears until they hit 40….I know this because I was talking with some friends one day while at lunch, at this company I worked at, and we made every male co-worker stop and chat with us. One or two of us would chat him up and the other 2 would check out the ear.
Over 40 – ear hair, under not.
That sounds about right. But they ALL have nose hairs, I’ve noticed.
My guy and I always play the, “Can you get such and such for me cuz the dog’s on my lap,” game. It really never gets old does it? It’s an ace in the hole.
It is, but they’re always on HIS lap, so HE always wins! Grrr.
The conversations you have w/ B always bring a smile to my face. Thanks for making me forget about my wine headache for a few minutes. I appreciate it greatly.
xoxo ~ Hungover Mess (weird right?)
Hahaha you hot mess! I love it!
This has just made my day, thank you for that.
So, so welcome.
after Maxie’s done with it, i would like to borrow “cat rich,” too. even though it’s a lie. it just sounds so good.
I expect to be greeted with such this evening.
The Hair is hysterical!! I am still laughing over that one!!
I wish I had a picture of his face, for reals.
I love these little segments you do!
Why thank you!
You all are a HOOT!!!!! Love it!
We are special. Very.
I would wet my pants if I was around you two.
Sometimes I do, but it’s just for kicks.
What?
Looks like you two really are perfect together. An absolute riot yet slightly ridiculous, lol.
Perfect, no. Perfect together, yes.
These were pretty funny!
Twilight was the best though! HAHAHA
TRUE BLOOD.
We don’t admit to watching Twilight on the blog.
What?
You two are a SPECIAL kind of special!
And what is with men wondering about Sookie raggin’ it? My hubs said the same shit! WTF? Sick!
Anyhoo, go have that back hair removed with a laser girl!
Oh, and *kiss* it’s freakin’ Friday!
Love!
But it’s so teensie and blonde! It would be like a treasure hunt!
My Official New Favorite Expression, “Cat Rich”!
I’m cat rich, baby! Love the shizzola your SO says…
Happy Birthday, you Hot Thang! Have you all recovered from the Par-Tay? or should I say detoxified?
Almost, thank goodness… it’s the weekend again!!
I’m excited to see B be Charlie for Halloween.
What’s your favorite hobby?
Magnets…
What, like making magnets- collecting magnets?
No, just magnets.
God, I hate people’s knees. WALKING AROUND EVERYWHERE!
Dude, I’d buy your man a beer if I ever met him.
I love it!
Lately we’ve been doing a lot of the “Will you get me (whatever), I have kitties and can’t move.” .. altho as our kittens are babies, we’re usually asking for something to clean up their messes, not beer.
You both are a hot mess.
LOL. and hysterical.
PS: I am a female and even I would not eat a Luna bar. UGH.
Sorry, but I have to steal the Sookie/Bill comment and share it with the world. Hilarious.
Hahaha with the backhair hahahaha.
*shakes with jealousy*
Good shiz.
Good shiz
I’m ganking the cat rich excuse. I might have to use the dude instead, but it still works. Totally entitles me to a beer!
haha i think the first one is my favorite. love these posts.
How did he know it was girl cat hair in his nose if he was bogarting both the kitties? Does he only sniff the girl?
these are my FAV!
The cat hair shiz made me laugh out loud!
Well, clearly I have a few questions here:
- What flavor was the Luna Bar? Because one flavor tastes like Lysol. Forget boobs. If he ate that one, B should worry about pissing Purell & burping bubbles. Seriously, those lemon Luna bars are made of… cleanliness. Just pure cleanliness. FOUL.
- The True Blood books actually address this, so while he wording may have been less delicate than the author’s, this one is not so odd. And yes, Bill likes. Duh.
- …HAS HE EVER SNEEZED SPAGHETTI? Because if that’s the case, I don’t care what he SAYS. Get me a VIDEO of that shiz.
- The phrase “cat rich” made me LOL.
WHY DID U LEAVE SUCH A LONG COMMENT?! Jesus.
I. Not U. Shit. I’M DONE.
ha! man.. i have one long hair that grows on my left cheek! and its white! like a whisker
i try to pluck it if i notice it.
Very funny!♥♥
i love these!! you and b are, like, my relationship heroes.
The epitome of a healthy relationship ^_^
lmfao!!! B makes me cry tears of laughter! HAHAHA!
I’m thinking perhaps the random back hair conversation should maybe have been saved for TMI Thursday . . .
I love the True Blood quote…because seriously? I always wonder that. Especially in Twilight, when they can’t go to Biology on the day the kids prick their fingers, but aren’t there girls on their periods around them all the time? LOL
I love the shiz your boyfriend says….lol. You both are a hoot and spend a lot of time on your couch…lol…hope it’s a comfy couch!
This? This is why I LOVE you. I love the dialogue, not just the cat hair humour, which is funny enough, but the dialogue is great, I think because it captures something of the mundane which we all know and love, but is rarely documented.
B is right to make a stand, those solitary (and bizarrly-coloured) hairs should be left alone, if only because there is a miniscule chance they might trip someone up.
i can only hope to one day someone as wonderfully special as B…god bless this man!
LOL. you two are crazy!
Sitting at the airport in Vegas waiting to fly home. In a crowd of people, I just started laughing and shot water out through my nose. Awesome. I’m my own little show in Vegas reading you.
You and B are PERFECT for each other. This post only further proves the point.
ROTFLMAO!!!
Thanks, I needed that.
I’m also going to work ‘cat rich, bitch’ into a conversation this week. Totally.
you’re boyfriend is heeeelarious, but a hair under the eye!? yikes.
I wonder that too about Bill and Sookie. TMI much?:P
Especially since Bill said in an episode that the nicest spot to feed is you know, around that area.
Blech.
My boyfriend absolutely loves the things your B says. He spent over an hour a few weeks ago just reading all of the posts prior to this one and laughing his ass off.
I feel compelled to share with you what he said last night that honestly reminded me of something that you would write about…
We were lying on the couch watching the LSU vs Auburn game…
B-”I wish I had a flame throwing penis.”
Me-”why?”
B-”Because then when my friends are showing off their tricks like double jointed thumbs I could be like “hey guys look at this”"
he started making a whooooosh sound and gyrating his hips.
Then while getting ready for bed he just randomly looks up at me and goes “wait, if I had a flame throwing penis, what would happen if it short circuited in my pants?!”
*blank stare from me*
Boys are dumb.
wow, that’s funny cuz I actually started my blog as the recollection of my stupidities (my former blog)..sigh…too bad I can’t be objective with the crap I say.
ew i hadnt thought about that with true blood. but i guess its true haha. i love bill and sookie:)
Comments on this entry are closed.