So, my darling Kim from A Perfectly Cursed Life tagged me in a meme. In general, I kind of hate memes (but love you, Kim!) so I basically never do them, but I saw potential in this one. Look at me being all willy-nilly changing my mind and shit whenever I want (I AM NOT A ROBOT!!!),
Here we go… (oh, also? I changed pretty much everything from five to four. Cause I’m lazy. And I can. WIN.)
Four people I hope are eaten by a rabid pack of Velociraptors – a type of dinosaur that should not to be confused with chiropractors unless they also happen to have cannibalistic tendencies:
- The guy from work I irrationally hate and wish would be sporked to death, even though he’s never been anything but nice to me.
- Anyone who uses the word “whom”, correctly or otherwise.
- People who use Disqus for their comments and automatically subscribe you to all follow up comments. (I still love you, jenniferalaine, BUT A LITTLE BIT LESS.) (Just kidding. You’re too damn cute to stay mad at.)
- Blogs with auto-music. We’ve talked about this. NOT OKAY.
Four drinks I love:
- Chocolate milk with a curly straw and bubbles.
- Cafe Rica from Costa Rica… if only we’d brought back 4,000 bottles instead of three last year.
- Houston’s spinach dip (it totally counts if I pick up the bowl and drink from it, right?)
- Anything while celebrating- it just tastes better. Plus, someone probably just got out jail, so, yanno… that’s awesome.
Four favourite quotes:
- “Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless
What are you gonna do
So say what you want” ~Nelly Furtado - “FRICK!!!” Elliot, and me
- “I got my purple shoes on!!!” ~Me, cavy, Maxie, and Lex
- “I don’t believe in marriage. No, I really don’t. Let me be clear about that. I think at worst it’s a hostile political act, a way for small-minded men to keep women in the house and out of the way, wrapped up in the guise of tradition and conservative religious nonsense. At best, it’s a happy delusion – these two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they’re about to make each other. But, but, when two people know that, and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don’t think it’s conservative or delusional. I think it’s radical and courageous and very romantic. To Diego and Frida.” ~Tina Modotti, Frida
Five things to do before I die:
- Drink something liquid without spilling it on myself.
- Meet a real live hooker and tell her that I respect her so much that I’ve been using the word “hooker” as a term of endearment for years (I’m pretty sure we’ll bond over that).
- Never ever watch the movies Dancing With Wolves or The English Patient, because I get a kick out of people’s reactions when I tell them.
- Find out what it was that Meatloaf wouldn’t do.
- Have a drink with every awesome blogger in the universe.
Four bloggers I am stalking *ahem* have a crush on (and therefore are tagged to also complete this meme): (this is other than the usual suspects, who I of course want to e-motorboat until the cows come home. And even after then, but that’s rude and we wouldn’t do it in front of the cows.)
- Jenn from Ex Hot Girl
- Liz from It’s Unbeweavable
- Jill Pilgrim from The Pilgrim Congress
- Amy from Just a Titch
- My dear Moog from Mental Poo
Five famous women I’d also like to do naughty things to:
- Salma Hayek five times. I’m a one woman kind of girl. Also, with those tit-ays, who could ever need anything more??
- Okay, well, if I was going to cheat on Salma (WHICH I WOULD NEVER EVER DO)… Joan from Mad Men. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
Woot! There we have it, folks. I DID A GODDAMN MEME. Are you happy now!?
Ahem. Also, teeny bit of housekeeping. I mentioned last week that I’ve started taking sponsorship from a few people and places that I love (hi, Tonic!), so I just wanted to give a shout out to the following lovely, lovely ladies…
- Jess of Jess LC makes some of the classiest and coolest handmade jewelry to come out of the Windy City. B, are you listening? I’m sure I have a birthday/anniversary/”please screw up so you can buy my this” coming up…
- It’s Fall, y’all, and you know that means CUTE ACCESSORIES FTW. Retro Repro Handmade makes some of the most adoramable hats I’ve ever seen. Keep those ears warm…
- Finally, if you’re looking for something with a little more edge, dryan327 of Purple Toes Jewelry makes all sorts of vintage charms, pendants, lockets & steampunk. (Kbo, I think you especially might LURVE this stuff.)
So check them out!
Aaaaaaaaaaand finally, I’ve received some kickass awards recently and I’m usually a total asshat about thanking people, so I’m gonna try and win back some karma right here…
Big money no whammies big money no whammies GO!!!
Mucho thanks and a big, wet, sloppy e-kiss to: Little Ms Blogger, Nikolett, Daffy, Miss Nobody, JM, Big Mama Cass, Taylor, Crit, Jeff, Little Ms Blogger again (love your face!), and Sarah – The New Girl. If I missed you, we can have a Slap Bet and you get one free slap to my face as hard as you can, to be used any time for the rest of eternity. Or, just let me know and I will fix it immediately and, a bonus to you, feel absolutely terrible about it.
Happy Tuesday, aka ten days to my birthday! But who’s counting…
(ALL OF YOU.)
{ 94 comments }
Yeah, I’m pretty sure if you got with Selma Hayak you would never, ever need anyone else. Hot!
Dogma? SMOKIN.
I too would love to meet a hooker. =] Awesome meme, and Selma Hayek is def a hotttieee. =]
She is the Gorjus.
You just killed my bank account with the purple toes jewelry. I thought you should know.
I KNOW. I’m so not a rings person, but luuuuuuuuuurve.
Totally agree with all your hates (not the spork-ee in particular, but completely irrational hate for random people in general) except proper whom useage. WHOM IS A WORD. Get on-board.
(Okay, I have nothing against people who don’t use “whom,” though I seriously loathe it when people misuse it. [Use "whom" when you'd say "him" and "who" when you'd say "he" -- so easy!] I just decided a few years ago that I would start using whom and always feel self-conscious about being possibly a huge douche canoe for that decision so way to prick my insecurities so early on a Tuesday, dude, is what I’m getting at. And now I want a cookie.)
I’ll forgive you if you share that cookie with me.
I kind of threw up in my mouth a little when I got to the spinache dip part. EW.
Also, I am SO with you on Salma Hayek but I wouldn’t kick Kate Winslet out of bed either. She’s got something all right.
Maybe you misunderstood me… when I say “spinach dip” what I really mean is “nine kinds of cheese, including the ‘cream’ variety”.
OMG! I thought I was like the only person on the planet who refuses to watch Dances with Wolves and (pretty much any other 12 day long period piece) and The English Patient. People just don’t understand.
Especially after that Seinfeld episode. Just can’t do it.
I also despise doing the meme thing but this one seems OK. Joan (Christina Hendricks) from Mad Men is my girl crush.
She killed me on Sunday… I just want to wrap my arms around her in a hug (and bury my head in her enormous, soft bosom.
Great Meme. Cracked me up.
You usually do though.
Awww. Thank you my darling!
Meatloaf would do anything… but eat meatloaf. He hated it ever since his folks named him “Meatloaf.”
But he loves Sloppy Joes. Go figure!
Well. Anyone who DOESN’T love Sloppy Joes should be banished to Azkaban, right? I think we can all agree on that.
Now I’m wondering what Meatloaf wouldn’t do. Never thought about it, and now it’s the burning question in the front of my mind and I HAVE TO KNOW.
I KNOW. Just don’t click on the video… it will make it a THOUSAND times worse.
UGH! I will NEVER sit through The English Patient and Dances with Wolves! Put some Fools Rush In on and I’m glued to the TV…I ♥ Salma…lol!
I didn’t even realize that I got the name wrong. DANCES with Wolves.
THAT’S HOW LITTLE I CARE, PEOPLE!!!
I love that line from Frida so much, I’m going to have it tattooed on my ass. After all of the burritos I’ve been enjoying lately, it should fit nicely. See the Mexican connection I just made?
Someone’s had too much coffee…
Yeay! You did it!
Salma is a great choice. I wish I had thought of her. Alas, I didn’t.
She is The Amazing.
To WHOM it may concern:
Meeting a Hooker is expensive and could result in jail time.
Just sayin’
But then at least we’d get to celebrate getting out! See above.
Never seen either of those movies. However if you said you’ve never seen Top Gun or the Goonies, then I would give you a “are-you-kidding-me?” kind of reaction
DUH. HEY YOU GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSS!!!!
I’m sorry . . . but I’m one of those “whom” girls. In fact, you’ll see in my post today that it has been correctly used.
HAHA
Hooker.
See? Term of endearment. You are forgiven.
WHOM IS NOT A REAL WORD.
I refuse to believe in it.
It’s like Narnia. Except not, because we don’t even WANT it to be real.
Hate blogs with the music almost as much as I hate blogs with word verification. Note the ALMOST.
Oh, SO with you. But almost all of them have verification… it makes my soul cry.
Joan from Mad Men is HAWT.
And what wouldn’t Meatloaf do???!!! Damn him and keeping us hanging!
If he ever gave it up, we’d all just realize he’s Chris Farley with a voice.
Spinach Dip from Houstons…heaven on a tortilla chip (how it’s meant to be consumed).
Liquid heroin. For reals.
I feel like you deliberately called it “Dancing” instead of the correct “Dances” just to irritate those who will undoubtedly go, “OMG!@! You haven’t seen ThOsE?! They’re my favs!!!1″
Obviously, this is a genius move.
Genius… or entirely accidental?? I’LL NEVER TELL!!! Bwa hahaha!
Thank you for not tagging me. That is all.
<3
I’m the only guy in that list!
I feel honored and, honestly, a little tingly.
In the bathing suit area?
I can think of a person or two (or three) I’d like to see “sporked” to death….VERY funny! Love it
Love your FACE. So there!
I love that quote from Frida.
I also use hooker as a term of endearment. Along with the C word. Not sure if I should have spelled it out in a comment. But in ancient Egypt, the C word was a term of respect toward women, and then society totally bastardized it. I’m taking it back. The C word = respect. Don’t be afraid of it.
Oh, that is one of my faves. As in, “Where my cunts at!” It totally works.
That Frida quote is awesome. And Salma Hayek is HOT, brilliant, and talented.
A to the men.
I know what it is Meatloaf wouldn’t do…
…only because i was obsessed with finding out.
*MWAH!*
Lies!!!
aha,just in time-I was going to tag you for a meme then decided against it-eh Teh instinct of meh- mwahaha
A woman always knows.
Wait, what?
I really think you and the hooker would become besties. Absolutely. BTW- Joan is so SMOKIN’ hot.
OBVY. She’d have the best stories!
I love the movie Frida! Probably, cause it closely resembles my life minus the revolutionary figures and art.
Details, my friend. Details.
yea… i totally HATE HATE auto-music too.. it’s always rather startling.. i’ll be half asleep.. blog hopping around and BAM…. some shittay song is busting my speakers!
My heart can’t take many more auto music surprises.
totally need to start using hooker as a term of endearment.
my wife agrees on Selma! yeah!
I had to watch The English Patient for a class…I still have nightmares!
See? I’m just trying to protect my beauty sleep.
happy birthday ten days away
Woot! Thanks, love
1) Love the Frida quote.
2) Good call on Salma.
3) I knew I shouldn’t have clicked on Purple Toes…there goes my productivity. And my paycheck.
I KNOW. It’s delish.
It blesses my heart to see you count down the days till your birthday!
I so hope you have your own Livit Luvit National Birthday Week. It’s a far better cause for celebration than someone being paroled.
Love the meme and your answers.
Thanks love. And, um, it’s LiLu birthday MONTH. Duh.
Things Meatloaf won’t do:
“But I’ll never forget the way you feel right now…”
“But I’ll never forgive myself if we don’t go all the way tonight…”
“But I’ll never do it better than I do it with you…”
“But I’ll never stop dreaming of you every night of my life…”
In other words, “I would do anything for love, anything you’ve been dreaming of, but I just won’t forget the way you feel right now.” etcetra.
Boooooring. I think it’s that he won’t give up bacon or something.
I have also never seen Dances With Wolves or The English Patient. Among many others that people always freak out about.
And YES counting til your birthday/the wedding.
Right?!? I love parties about ME.
Err, also, apparently I haven’t commented here since moving to WordPress cuz I just changed the links…
Missed your face.
Honey, now how are you going to meet a hooker since you moved? If you got up early enough in the old neighborhood, you could have met them while walking to work. I was always tempted to chat them up at a stop light, but then they looked so tired.
DAMMIT. Guess I’ll have to go visit the old hood… I’ve missed you, Old Dominion.
I told a hooker how much I respected her once and she still charged me!! Can you believe that!??
No discount?!
Hey, we can take care of that “drink with awesome bloggers” thing and that spinach dip thing, all in one swoop. Come to Asheville, we’ll go to Sante, and you’ll lick the bowl once we’ve scarfed all the spinach dip. Trust.
I LOVE Asheville. So pretty there!
Irrationally hating someone is my favorite. Anyone who can weave Meatloaf, Slap Bet, and doing naughty things to Salma Hayek is my hero.
I am a giver.
I totally respect hookers too. I mean, they can control themselves so well that they let dirty, fat, old, smelly, weird, unwashed people stick their dicks in them.
If that’s not self control, I don’t know what is.
I’m with you. *fist bump*
I’ve never heard the term ‘spork’ before. Without clicking on the link to find out I’m just going to move on and talk about ‘spoking’. This is the act of shoving a stick through bicycle spokes as some loser rides by. If the ‘spork’ doesn’t work then you could ‘spoke’ that guy.
A spork is a (preferably plastic) spoon with spikes on the end, so it’s part fork. I’m pretty sure the Wendy’s guy invented it.
I’ve never seen the english patient either (nor have I seen the notebook), for similar reasons!
Okay, the Notebook KILLED me. Save your tears!
HAHAHA i hate you. There goes your wedding present.
Just kidding, but way to call me out.
And I got rid of DISQUS literally 10 minutes ago. I didn’t realize everyone was getting follow up shit, but it was just annoying the crap out of me. SO THERE.
I guess you make up for saying i should be eaten by velociraptors by calling me cute. Next time change it to a steaming heap of PURE SEX and we’ll be all set.
10 DAYSSSS.
VICTORY!!!!! I love you and your blog. Don’t make me go into hatorade mode every time I want to comment and tell you how purty you are!
take it up the ass. that’s what meatloaf wouldn’t do for love….according to my friend Mike who may or may not be correct.
I’d bet a stack of green ones you’re right.
only 6 days to my birthday
I win!
Fine, I’ll share. But only cause you’re pretty.
Ahhh! Nikki that’s what I always thought he wouldn’t do! Maybe thats because that is precisely what I won’t do for love.
I haven’t seen Dances with Wolves either. Or the Empire Strikes back. Some movie fan I am.
I’m with you and Nikki. That’s GOT to be it.
I’ve actually never seen either of those movies, however it’s never come up in any convo so I don’t get to see the potential horrified faces. Do you think it will work if I go around telling people “Ask me if I’ve seen…”?
Anywho, I think it’s great that you love Joan and her red hair because my post today is all about my red-headed hottie crushes~
Twinsies!!!
I can totally imagine you using (and abusing) “FRICK!!!” the way Eliot says it.
It happens. A lot.
It usually involves me getting a new bruise.
when i go to a blog and they use disqus, i NEVER comment again. hate it. hate it so much i want to put my eye out with a spork. not really. but sorta.
I can smell the hatorade from here… and I love it.
Ha – I’ve never seen Dances with Wolves or The English Patient AND I used to work in the film industry. I love telling people that!
WIN!!! Haha!
YOU ARE SICK! I love ya girlfriend, you just rocked my world today. I know, I know I am easily amused! LOL Come call on me and I will do you a custom necklace (at my cost) for the shout out. {seriously}
By the way, I love the 5 things you are going to do before you die. Spilling is my signature, everyone in the family just looks up and smiles when I go on an on about doing it everyday as if it is expected.
Oooo, you’re going to be sorry you said that… I’m in love with everything!
Velociraptors are awesome! What? That’s not what I was supposed to get out of this meme? Whoops.
Have I mentioned lately that people with birthdays in October are kickass?
DUH. Libras FTW!
I have met several hookers (don’t ask) and seriously – you would not respect them. The ones I’ve met have the attention span of a fruit fly and will tell you the same story (which, granted, was interesting the first time) over and over and over. Then they will try to ‘get a date’ with any one that walks by, male or female, cop or civilian…
Well, sure. That’s just the crack talking. You gotta empathize! Or is it sympathize… let’s go with that.
Uh, oh. I’m disqualified because I purposely try to use “whom” often and in correct context!
NOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo! *splat*
I forgive you because anyone who can use “whom” AND be so sassy is undoubtedly awesome.
The second you find out what Meat Loaf wouldn’t do, you gotta tell me. You just gotta.
I KNOW. We should double team him to find out.
*shudders*
I like saying the word “frick” too. Elliott is one crazy fiesty chick!
There are a lot of hookers in the corner of the street just opposite of my high school, man was I seeing too many things I should not!
Ahhh, to be young…
“I got my purple shoes on!” is soooo ME!!! I have these beautiful purple shoes I got at Target and I swear, every time I wear them, they are the center of attention, simply FAB! Now I wanna go home and wear them!
Purple shoes ALWAYS bring out the feisty.
I guess that time you asked me to Photoshop clothespins onto the nipples of vampire Salma Hayek makes total sense now. Well at least half sense.
Don’t even try to pretend you ain’t picking up what I’m putting down.
i’ve never seen dances with wolves, because my ENTIRE CLASS went to go see it in like 6th grade or whenever the hell it came out, and my mom wouldn’t let me go too. JUST ME. it was mortifying.
That statement made me laugh harder than anything else all day. THANK YOU FOR THAT.
Hookers love compliments. I bet she throws in a freebee.
or not. 50/50.
Don’t act like you haven’t tried.
I’ve never seen “The English Patient” either. (Mainly because it looks so damn boring!)
My lady picks would be Milla Jovovich and Bai Ling. Very hot with lots of character and personality!
I am 100% with you on Milla. Bai Ling… maybe for a one night stand. That gurrrrl is CRAZY.
I would put you on this meme list. As someone I want to motorboat. Or whatever. But memes make me nervous. So I won’t do it. But now you know. So there.
I’m going to take that as a compliment…
Thank GOD for you and your running man. I usually HATE tags (duh) but this is my post tomorrow. Salma does have big tittttayyyss huh? Didnt even think of that.
YAY for sponsors and awards bitch!
What what! I know you’ll rock it, love muffin.
And I will SO do my running man for you next weekend.
See, I WOULD do THAT, and that’s what makes me awesome.
do you still love me?
Even more than Meatloaf. AND meatloaf.
Now that’s saying something.
you simply aren’t allowed to have Salma and Joan. i mean this with all the sincerity in the world. they have made promises to me. promises.
i’ve never seen The English Patient either. i thought about it once. i was close. but then I decided it would be better to just get industrial soap in my eyes so I did that instead.
Pass it this way when you’re done.
Salma was so hot in From Dusk Til Dawn as a vampire. Damn. She basically turned me lesbian in that 5 minutes she was in it!
HEARD.
Dying… I too have not seen Dancing with Wolves or the English Patient. There is another major one too… but I am drawing a blank to what it is.. oh Braveheart. Why bother and I KNOW exactly the look you speak of. Also, I love Joan too… and btw, she has huge boobs. Did you see her at the Emmy’s? Holy crap.. cup runneth over!
In the best possible way.
awwwh I love you too darling. sorry for inciting such rage deep within you
*big, wet smooch*
Salma is one hot chica and she can say dirty things to you in spanish….swoon
Oooo, you are a thinker…
Unfortunately no one in Glasgow says “frick”. I wonder if I could start a trend – just for a fellow Libran, haha.
Oh, DO IT. It’ll sweep the nation!
salma? yeah, she’s soooo freakin gorgeous.
and slap bet?! you started HIMYM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! awesome.
I’m on the last disc of Season 3, and I want to cry because I don’t have any more after that…
What’s wrong with the word “whom” if it’s used correctly? Ha.
Haha. That’s more of an inside joke with me and Maxie than a legitimate complaint. I still love you, *real* journalist.
salma hayek definitely makes my top ten hotties list. seriously she’s just so fabulous.
Humble AND sexy. My heart? She has it.
Omg. it takes forever to get to the comment section.
I feel like I always use whom. Use it right though? Prob not.
Do I not have a skip down thingy? Must fix…
selma? psh. for real. disappointing, girl…disappointing.
and yeah, you should have a drink with me.
jussss sayin’.
Well get your ass over here!
I like the saying Hodge-podge but don’t get nearly enough opportunities to say it…
I love that quote from Frida!
Joan from Mad Men is just so elegantly sensual…love her. Almost as much as Zooey Deschanel. Almost.
“Elegantly sensual”… EXACTLY.
Joan is so smokin hot. I love her.
So, so true.
I always wondered what “meatloaf won’t do” but never really asked anyone else. I say “freakin” all the time and my 3 year olds are starting to say it too. Bad mom!
Well, it’s better than the alternative…
So I use ‘whom’ AND auto play music on my blog. Do I get eaten by a Velociraptor twice?
For the ‘whom’, I forgive you. For the auto music.. look love, I don’t know a single person who doesn’t DESPISE that. It’s terrifying and generally makes me not really want to go back to a blog… I’m at work usually and I don’t need that shiz blasting from my speakers, calling me out, not to mention giving me a heart attack. Maybe consider a way to have it on there, but not auto playing? So someone can play it IF THEY WOULD LIKE? xo
Memes make me break out in hives, but I’d say the four people I want to be eaten by velociraptors are: my boss, my boss, my boss, and my boss.
Then again, that would take all the fun out of killing him myself.
Video, please. Either way.
I am also blog stalking Ex Hot Girl….she is awesome hilarious! Just like you
I know. I totally e-lick her face on the reg.
I did it! And by it, I mean your meme. xoxo
Haha! I saw you borrowed the “drink with every awesome blogger”- it’s a good one. And YES, WE MUST.
I love your face.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
I love your face too, Amanda.
With regards to the Meatloaf point, for most of the song, he means he’ll never lie to her ….at the end when they do their dueting, she names a few specific things and he says he won’t do those things either.
Lol, I’m a Meatloaf Nerd ….also a Springsteen Nerd!
Hmmm. That’s kind of boring. I’m going to keep thinking up different and random scenarios in my head.
Yes. I fucking hate Disqus too.
(And also can’t stay mad at jenniferalaine.)
Heehee you did a MEME
Love it.
I love your 4 quotes, and may I please see your purple shoes…
Okay gotta add those 2 movies to my post about movies I haven’t seen that shocks the hell out of everyone.
If I ever have to do another one of those, I might just copy-paste your answers. Thanks for handling that for me.
I share your auto-subscribe Disquis hate and the auto-playing blog music hate. Don’t do stuff for me unless I tell you to, blogs!
Awww, I have missed you. Now I have 129038471290347812 of your blogs to catch up on though. So take note that I most likely wont comment on them all. Got it? Good. xoxo
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