Okay, I went to the doctor and got a magic pill for my case of the serious. We’re all good now, swear. Thanks for putting up with me yesterday, y’all.
On to the grotesque…
It’s my girl Maxie‘s Would You Rather Wednesday!
Sooooo, would you rather…
Eat a quiche stuffed with Chris Farley’s belly button lint and Kanye West’s most pretentious pubic hairs…
(Things to think about: Chris and Patrick were tight.)
Awww. RIP, Miss Vida.
OR…
Marry Jon Gosselin? (Boys, this is for you too.)
(Things to think about: you can only divorce Jon if you marry Kate, and either way, you’ll probably have to wear Ed Hardy for the rest of your life.)
I know, I know. I’m evil.
P.S. Peoples in DC, want a $65 facial for $30? Click here!
P.P.S. See, I’m a giver too. SOMETIMES.
UPDATE:
P.P.P.S. I cannot believe I posted about facials on a WYRW and did not realize the set up I was giving you guys. Run with it, my friends. Run wild.
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You can CHARGE for facials?
Why am I giving them away for free?
I am in awe that I did not see this coming. Need more coffee.
I can beat that deal and give you girls a facial for $25.
$20 if you bring some lube and a coupon.
*Shaking head* I really, REALLY can’t believe I set you guys up like this.
The first one.
Excuse me, I just threw up a little in my mouth.
….
Oh look, I did it again.
Do it for Taylor.
I don’t even know what that means.
I’d marry Jon Gosselin. I’d get to become a millionaire being verbally abusive to him on TV, wouldn’t I?
What if you had to have Kate’s haircut?
I’m going to go with option 1. I can’t stomach the idea of ever being in a room with Jon Gosselin!
He is a vile human being.
After working in fine dining as a cook I can tell you most of you have already eaten pubic hair and lint and probably left a fat tip without even knowing it.
Had to laugh at the facials for $30 bucks…giver? I know I am sick
Dude, they’re usually like $100. I KNOW.
Yeah, you really asked for it with the facial thing…
This is why we love men.
I guess I’ll marry Jon. Then I can cheat on him and generally ignore him and stuff, right? You only said marry, not love.
Well, you’ll still have to bone him. It’s your wifely duty.
Marry Jon…I will just cheat on him.
Karma’s a bitch, Gosselin.
Ugh… you sick, sick girl… anyhoo, great to meet you on Saturday!!
Now, to the choice. I have a thing with pubic hairs, so, like Lemmonex and I’ll cheat on him afterward or just kill myself. Anything is better than the pubic hair.
What if they were diced?
Oh, look. I just made myself throw up.
I’d definitely have to go with marrying Jon Gosselin. It is situations like that for which God invented locking people in the basement. What? Husband? No I had no husband. Ignore the screaming, please.
Better put the kids down there with him.
i’m afraid i’d have to pick chris and kenye… even though i wouldn’t really wanna…. but jon makes me want to throw up on him!!
He definitely has “throw up face”.
Free Facials to everyone in every area!
I’m a giver too, and I don’t discriminate.
I say Chris Farley’s Belly Lint, cause you KNOW there’s REAL food in there somewhere.
And, I would take Kate in a heartbeat. That reverse mullet is HOT!
Plus, I have ways of shutting her up.
“I say Chris Farley’s Belly Lint, cause you KNOW there’s REAL food in there somewhere.” OMG, that cracked me the HELL up.
Definitely the first one. See, I’d hate to be in prison for the rest of my life, cos I would probably smother Jon with one of his “Oh look how cool I am now that I’m single T-Shirts” in a matter of minutes.
He is a first order asshat. For reals.
I missed you, love muffin! I’ve been MIA, I hate her – she stinks and makes me miss your posts. Just got caught up and I feel much better now. Poor B banging on his face like that. Don’t get dirty on me.
Seriously, the day you stop blogging, the world will be in shambles. We need our Lilu…I need my RiLu! In a non-stalker way of course.
And the other post, oh my that is a lot of *following* I feel so special that you come visit me
Now for this post…in a creeped out world where I actually had to chose one or die…I’d marry Jon. I’d obviously wear the pants so that’d work out well – I could probably get him to find me another husband.
HA! Oh, the sass. I love it. Thanks so much, hon!
I can’t stand hair in my mouth. Seriously.
I’d rather be in a foursome with Jon, Kate and Ed Hardy than eat a pube.
Golf foursome, that is.
I’m sure plenty of people have banged on a golf course.
at first i thought this one was easy, because i was all “at least the sandwich would be over quickly, whereas i’d have to see jon EVERY DAY FOREVER if i married him.” but then i started thinking really hard about belly button lint, and it caused me to kill myself. so i guess i’ll go with jon and hope i could sponge off his TLC monies.
Don’t die over belly button lint! I’m sure it’s just like alfalfa sprouts, or something…
Dude that is just MEAN.
I’d still pick Gosselin though over the horrific alternative. Then I’d bonk him over the head with a spade and bury him in the garden. And claim insurance.
Okay, but I get half for the inspiration.
i’d marry jon. we’d have an “open relationship.”
You dirty girl, you.
I’d marry Jon but ‘cheat’ on him with my spouse. He probably wouldn’t notice, with that blue tooth permanently wedged in his ear and cameras constantly in his face.
Yeah. They’re keeping him from noticing his eight children, too, apparently…
Is “neither” an option? If it’s not, I’m going with marrying the dude. That’s real.
Also, the facial thing is kind of played already with the other comments, but I’d like to toss my hat in the ring for giving them out. All I need is gas money to DC.
OBVIOUSLY “neither” is not an option. Silly man.
Listen, I know I said I would lend out my facial services, but really, you are over charging people.
Shhhhhhhhh.
Sadly, I have to go with Jon Gosselin’s douchebag self.
It is tragic.
bahahhahaahaha okay… that sketch of jon gosselin is freakin’ hilarious. this is a tough one becuase i do love the 8 little halfies…. but belly button lint… tempting. hmmmm…
“Halfies”… I think I love you.
Quiche. At least I can stuff it down my throat and get it over with.
TWSS.
I’m setting people up all over the place today.
I hate Jon Gosselin with the heat of a white star going nova, so it is Chris Farley’s crap for me!
Also, Peter North provides 100 dollar facials because you pay more for quality… What? You said run wild!
I did, I did. Well played, soldier.
I would rather slit my wrist with a butter knife.
No deal. How bout a spoon?
I’m thinking Jon…but it’s a tough call.
What else is in the quiche? Bacon, perhaps?
No way. I could go turkey bacon, perhaps.
I’ll do both for a free facial and a pearl necklace
I just realized that a man must’ve come up with both of those terms. Tricky tricky….
But no seriously. I’d marry Jon Gosselin. I’m a sucker for a man with plugs.
Ewwwwwwwww.
I’d go with Jon. Clearly Kate took his dick and his balls, and I’ve always wanted a eunuch!
Ahahahahahaha! Well done.
I’m going with option 1 because as much as I hate to admit it, I think Jon Gosselin is the biggest douchebag on the planet — even worse that Kayne. And I’d probably have to kill Jon if I married him and then wind up in prison and probably made to be someone’s bitch. All because I couldn’t scarf down a little bellybutton lint and a few pubes. Which I am sure sometime in my life I have done. INADVERTENTLY of course.
Thank goodness you added that “inadvertently”…
Uhh. Every single time I mention to Blue Eyes that I want to get a facial, he always says, “Why would you want to pay for something that I can give you for free. ” So I can’t ever hear that word without giggling. :O)
I think every man is conditioned to have that response prepared after, like, age 15.
I am married, so that means I get a pass on this one. Right?!
But…ew.
I wish Austin got deals like that…we get cupcakes. I guess that’s pretty awesome too, even with the sugar hangover!
Passes for no one! Well, maybe if you send me a cupcake.
I’d totally marry Jon Gosselin.
Your enthusiasm frightens me.
Oh, man…I’d probably have to go with the keiche. Gross? Oh yes, but that’s what laxatives and throwing up is for. The Gosselins are forever. OR at least, are a very expensive divorce and a very public camera crew.
Also, the Ed Hardy. DON’T FORGET THE ED HARDY.
Don’t talk to me about facials, they used to call me the “Bukkake Jockey”
Oh, you went there.
Basically, girls only get option 1? WTH? Boys have 2 options – well, I choose option 3 …. which is to spend an entire day at that spa you mentioned, be pampered and look radiant when done.
No, no! If you leave Jon you have to marry Kate too!
See you at the spa.
I may have to kill myself instead and put an end to this madness. *dry heaves*
That’s totally fair.
I would totally go with Jon Gosselin, his hair plugs turn me on! Psyche! But I would get with him for the fame and notoriety, then move my way on up to Michael Lohan and from there, maybe just maybe, if I’m lucky, I could be the arm candy of the best dad ever, Hollywood Hulk Hogan! Yup, I’m a whore. A gold digging whore. Surprised? I didn’t think so.
I just caught up on some of your posts. I have been so dang busy lately! I know that my blog may not be your kind of blog but I always feel special when you come visit, especially if I haven’t been able to visit yours for a few days. Its like my little reminder that you care. *sniff*
Awww, thank you so much. I love your writing! And I do care. /schmoop
I was waiting for someone to say Bukkake….and they did.
Jon Gosselin. I guess. Ed Hardy makes wine…bro wine.
Please tell me you’re joking.
I’d have to choose the quiche. I’m assuming there’s stuff in the quiche other than just lint and pubes, right? Because some eggs and cheese and salt and other quiche-y goodies could mask the other flavors. Either way, Jon Gosselin is repulsive (as is Kate, for that matter). It’s hard enough being married to someone you love. Being married to JG would be a one-way ticket to the slammer for premeditated murder, and I love my freedom too much.
“It’s hard enough being married to someone you love.” I think that’s the best point anyone’s made yet.
That set-up is too easy, I may have to show some restraint and abstain. I think I’d go the quiche route. I could just not think about it, versus the inevitable constant shaming of being forced to wear the douchiest Ed Hardy items around. I do think I’d make a good fame whore, though.
Can I be the Nicole to your Paris?
After she got skinny and bitchy, though. I mean, let’s be realistic here.
I would eat 10 Kanye pube quiches before I went anywhere near the Gosselin sideshow.
And I’m not sure that I’m cool with you being a giver of facials.
I don’t think anyone is…
I can divorce Jon and marry Kate? She is the scum of the earf but lets not pretend I would ram my privates in her.
You have a deal.
And throw in some of those facials.
With that hair?!
I honestly think a teeny bit less of you.
I have some serious issues with pubic hairs. Remember that scene in She’s All That with the pizza? I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time. I just can’t handle them…
So I’d marry Jon. Then make him shave his no-no region on television.
I’m hoping you never saw Waiting…
Yeah, definitely take Jon over that … other thing. After his time with Kate breaking him in, he looks like he’d be a total submissive bottom anyway. A whiny one, perhaps, but nothing that a well locked ball gag can’t fix.
The Ed Hardy tho… that’d be kind hard to deal with. Thank god there’s booze.
SO MUCH BOOZE. Like, some rum-mixed-with-mojito-mix-that-already-has-rum-in-it booze.
Oh, that cartoon. That cartoon kills me.
As for the WYR, I ask to please plead the 5th. I know, I know. I’m a major cheater. And I hate cheaters.
You are SUCH a cheater face!
That’s easy for me to answer, I’d like to eat a quiche with Cheryl Cole in it, while listening to Stairway To Heaven and picking my nose.
It has to be THE quiche. But okay.
Okay, I’ll eat the quiche. I’ll just make sure that I’m really drunk first. Like, really drunk. Then, I won’t even remember it.
You are a tricksy one, my friend.
Ugh … um … I might just pick the Farley/Kanye setup there if the Gosselin/Ed Hardy combo is my only other option.
You’re a meanie.
But at least the quiche sickness would be over in a day or so. The Gosselin Disease sounds like it would be for life.
Like the herp. But way, WAY worse.
So, would I have to divorce Wade then? That would make me sad. But just b/c I marry Jon doesn’t mean I have to live w/ him right? So I’d go w/ that and make Wade my man on the side that I live with.
As long as I still get to be your WOMAN on the side.
Surprise facial… Need I say more?
Yuk yuk yuk.
All things hair make me GAG so I would say marry KATE cause Jon is a schmo. Yup. *nod*
I’d be on Kate’s team, if it wasn’t for the hair…
yikes…marry jon…you are mean!
Well, yeah. But you knew this.
Ahh, I’ll go with the quiche and load it up with lots of other ingredients to make sure I don’t taste it … and then projective vomit. At least I only have to do it once in this lifetime … Jon Gosselin would probably want lots of sex and that means LOTS of projective vomit!
Okay, but no bacon. If cavy can’t have any, you can’t either.
Ugh… can I marry the quiche?
Yes. Just because that was so delightfully witty.
I’ll pray that I don’t come down with something and I’ll take the quiche. At least I could just get that over and done with. There’s no way I’m marrying a Gosselin.
I love how everyone’s split. Woot!
ha. facials. ha. facials.
Love you.
I will do anything not to wear Ed Hardy EVER. Or be within a 5 mile radius of it. Or Von Dutch. Sweet Jesus, can you believe people still wear Von Dutch?! Can we please send them all to the moon? Icky blicky blech blech.
God. The trucker hat is SOOOO 2003.
I’d probably marry Jon. But if he doesn’t get a vasectomy, we’ll never consummate the marriage. No babies (let alone multiples…::Shudder::)
I think you’re safe- they needed lots of drugs to make those babies!
Shoot! That is hard. Hmmmm…I’d rather kill myself than do either. Hahaha…
We would miss you!
I choose C) I would like to stab Kanye West.
Normally I’d say that’s cheating, but I think it’s what Jesus would want.
You know I think i would have to take Jon bc Kanye’s pubes are so severely grotesk, I’m dry heaving as I type….
PRETENTIOUS pubes.
Sophie’s Choice if I’ve ever seen it. Nasty.
The what?
I had no idea who Jon Gosselin was until today. Seriously. I don’t watch TV or read tabloids, I was so unaware of the whole Jon and Kate plus eight thing. I actually had to google it to understand your entry.
Sad, huh?
No. What’s sad is that I popped your blissful bubble of ignorance. I am so, so sorry.
Marry Jon Gosselin only to jack him for half…
And then live with Kate? I dunno, dude. THE HAIR.
Okay, this one may not be super gross, but it is definitely NOT an easy choice! Gah. I guess I would have to say I’d rather eat the quiche, because you can just get that over with, brush your teeth and move on. But still…blech.
Also: My TMI post is scheduled for tomorrow (launching @ 5 a.m. PST), right here: http://tabithablogs.wordpress.com/2009/09/17/tmi-thursday-bow-wow-chicka-bow-wow — I thiiiiink you might like it. Possibly a lot.
But you would always know Kanye’s pubes lurked inside there somewhere…
Eat that quiche,
that’s so mean of you! Haha.
Well… YEAH.
I used to love Jon G. He put up with Kate’s nagging and was really sweet with the kids. I think I can reform him. Every man just needs the right woman, right?
You are a BRAVE woman…
Eat the quiche. I’d pick that over marrying ANY father of freakin’ 8 kids. No thank you.
P.S. LOVE the cartoon.
I might throw up if I ate the quiche but I would slit my wrists if I had to be married to those two.
OMG. That’s such a tough call. I think I’m going with the quiche (I’ve been dared to eat MUCH worse – sometimes for money, sometimes for not).
Thanks! I’ll be here all week! Don’t forget to tip your waitresses!
Please…we have a sexless marriage. They’re all the rage.
Like zebra Snuggies.
Plus the who-knows-what you’d get from Kanye’s pubes will probably stay with you forever anyway. The Herp…you can’t cure it.
Says Jeffrey Tambor.
Hey, I’m late (TWSS), and rather tame < ----read lame, but i did one of those WYRW.
Nice! I’ll send it Maxie’s way.
Waiting… is actually one of my favorite movies. I hate that part, though. Ughyauck!
The only reason I can overlook the pube-tastic steak scene is because the movie is just that damn funny.
It really, REALLY is. And Ryan Reynolds doesn’t hurt either…
Ooh, that adds a whole new dimension. That’s a tough one….
You did not answer, missy!
I think Kate and I would get along. Yes, I said that shit out loud.
He knew what he was getting when he married her.
I was going to ask you to give me a facial for free. Then I googled what a facial was… How is it possible that I am a 21 year old that had no idea what a facial was? I blame living in Utah! Give it up for a 21 year old virign!
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