***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***
Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…
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So. Every week, I think, “What the FUDGE am I gonna write this Thursday?! Surely I’ve run out of completely inappropriate and entirely vile slash humiliating stories by now!”
And then myself happens.
Thank the baby jeebus, for your sake.
Moving on!
Yesterday morning, I was on my way to your typical three hour Oh My God This Shit Is So Boring But Goddamn Will It Look Good On My Annual Review Seminar. Having already consumed my morning coffee, I was waiting for the elevator when I felt…
THE URGE.
Y’all know what I mean. That ohsospecial moment when your body’s bowls- your assloins, if you will- start churning in a way that lets you know the timer to The Morning Assplosion is ticking down, and ticking down FAST. The rumblings, if you will.
Knowing that I was going to be sitting in a room with twenty strangers for the better part of the morning, I opted to take care of biznas beforehand. Which was lucky for me, because as I opened the restroom door, my “you need to handle this situation down under” timer? Had DINGED. In a flash, I realized I had approximately 3.5 seconds to plant heiny-on-toilet before the sitch got hairy.
I scooted inside, dropped my notebook on the sink, unzipped as I swung open the door… and plopped down.
[insert abhorrid and inhumane sound effects here]
No, really… what happened next would have made any constipated geriatric insanely jealous. My Chipotle dinner was revisited in an incredibly, um… audible fashion, accompanied of course by my own beatboxing, entitled “Sounds of Intense Relief”. (I’m pretty sure it’s one of the CDs in those thingies at Target where you can listen to a dozen… you know, “Babbling Brook”, “Notes from the Rain Forest”, and “Sounds of Intense Relief While On The Pot”.)
Anytwaddle, after my last, weak little sigh, I reached over for the TPR…
And heard the unmistakable scrape of Other Shoes across the floor.
My heart stopped. As did my breathing. While I desperately tried to will myself invisible, I did the awkward “My Ass Is Totally Hanging Out On The Toilet But I’m Still Prairie-Doggin My Head Downward To See WHO THE FUCK’S SHOES Are In The Stall Next To Me.”
And then I saw them… the unmistakable bad ass pumps of my department head. She’s the only other person (besides me) I’ve seen rock snakeskin stilettos. Let’s just say there was absolutely no question about who was squatting two feet away from the atrocity I’d just committed.
So, I did what any normal person would do.
I camped. The fuck. OUT.
I sat there in silence, perhaps shivering a bit, until she had tinkled, wiped, flushed, exited, washed, dried, primped, and LEFT.
When I heard that door swing closed, only then did I resume breathing. She knew something akin to the Ass Holocaust had been committed here, but she didn’t know I was the Hitler.
SAAAAAAAAAAAFE!
At long last, I flushed and walked to the sink, a woman unexpectedly pardoned from Death Row. I smiled triumphantly at my mischievous reflection while I washed up, and reached smugly to grab my notebook…
Only to realize the email with the seminar’s room number proudly sitting on top.
You know the kind from Outlook? That has the receiver’s WHOLE ENTIRE GODDAMN NAME printed in EXTRA LARGE FONT at the top left?
Yeah. That kind of email.
I don’t think there’s a FML out there big enough for this.
Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…
Maxie’s TMI Thursday: Hole in Number Two
jenniferalaine’s tmi thursday: unexpected delivery
Sebastian’s Making love to my computer
mylittlebecky’s exclamation point (tmit)
spleen’s TMI Thursday: I ate bugs.
BigSis’ TMI Thursday: My Cervix
Daffy’s TMI Thursday -Got Peas?
Sarah’s TMI Thursday: Excuse you?
Sean’s TMI Thursday: Stressed
The Bare Essentials’ TMI Thursday…Ass Candy
RachelSmiles’ TMI Thursday: roommates share more than apartments
M’s TMI Thursday? – Disaster Waiting to Happen
Scarlet Begonias’ TMI Thursday: Would you like relish with that hot dog?
the iNDefatigable mjenks’ TMI Thursday: Car Jacking
Ed’s TMI Thursday: I see your sword isn’t as big as mine…
Olga’s TMI Thursday—I Wet My Pants
shine’s Violence UnSilenced
Narm’s TMI Thursday – Steam Bath
Hillbilly Duhn’s TMI – Put your right boob in…
Travis’ TMI Thursday: Yes, I HAVE Stolen K-Mart Ads…
Big Mama Cass’s Care for some sticky sex? TMI Thursday
The Love Goddess’ I DISCOVERED SHOWER WATER:TMI (NSFW)
Cheddar’s The One in Which There is Argyle
Mb’s So you want a TMI story you say?
Tabitha’s TMI Thursday: My love-hate relationship with the O-word.
Tricia’s TMI Thursday: Bathrooms are Revolting Places
Carissa’s TMI Thursday. I’m really scared of Toxic Shock
Lucy’s TMI:Thursday: Old Lady on Campus
Insomniac Lolita’s TMI Thursday : How Do You Like Your Convertible?
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{ 129 comments }
I guess it’s different for girls, but in the building where I work you get a high five if you can make someone complain about your stench!
maybe it’s a guy… or maybe not and everyone I work are freaks, including me
That’s how it is at HOME… but not work, unfortch.
Dude, so awkward! I can’t even imagine! I’ve never gone number two in a public restroom, and presumably never will, but I’m TOTALLY WITH YOU ON THE CAMP-OUT! Man. I hate it when I’m using the restroom at work and somebody’s having a long, smelly session, then as I, mortified, rush through peeing, washing my hands, and hustling out of there, they decide to flush the toilet and wash their hands. Like, come on, I’m only trying to save your dignity. Please don’t show me your face.
This happened yesterday not once but TWICE with one of the secretaries I work with. Both times, she started chatting with me at the sinks, and I was horribly rude and literally just mumbled something and fled.
Maybe this could be #25 on things That Kind of Girl doesn’t do…
My work place must be unqieu because there is no shame in the female bathroom. It’s a gasseous symphony in there, and no one even lifts a brow. It could be because I work with mostly middle age (and up) women who openly abuse laxatives. But that’s just my guess.
Now I’m picturing Fantasia in a bathroom…
digg my spelling of unique? me too.
Who am I to judge…. I said “sitch” in my post.
My office bathroom is basically inside our lobby, so if someone goes you hear EVERYTHING. THE WHOLE OFFICE HEARS EVERYTHING.
It’s horrible.
And that is why I never poop at work.
Holding it in gives you cancer! It’s science.
Yeah, in our building restrooms, there are times it looks like CSI needs to be called out. I have visions of assplosions similar to the way it shot out in Men At Work.
Aaaaand putting my breakfast down.
ooh godddd. i felt awkward just READING this.
Win.
The corridors in my dormitory are vast caverns that amplify everything , needless to say that all of us are very familiar with what the others have been eating.
You’re bonding!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OUCH.
Look on the bright side. Be happy that’s ALL she knows about your bad self.
I know. I need to catch her to even the balance…
She probably would have thought the noises were funny and given you a promotion for not being a scaredy uptight douche.
You lost out.
She undoubtedly saw my email and realized it WAS me, so, guess I didn’t…
Oh man! That stinks! (heeheee…I’m so punny)
I should not have loled at that, but I totally did.
this is what i appreciate about my workplace… we have the choice of a public bathroom, or a one-person private bathroom. i always choose the privacy, even though it is right next to the cubicle-farm. still. it helps.
I went to this one because almost no one uses it! WTF.
Coming from an office bathroom where you can hear people texting, talking on the phone, or talking to themselves while doing the numero dos deed, I think there is worse. But later when you had to see her, oh, hi, mortification I’m sure.
And on a side note, I have to wonder: do you really think “what the FUDGE?”
HA. Of course not. But it seemed funnier, coming from me.
Thank God I work alone. That’s all I have to say. Except when the toilet is plugged. Then I blame the patients, but he knows. HE KNOWS.
God knows? I bet he poops with the door open. What can anyone say? HE’S GOD.
this is when i am actually thankful i work in a super small office with two separate one person only bathrooms…
Oooo, but what if someone goes in RIGHT AFTER YOU? There’s no pretending someone else was in there…
Oh man! As I was reading I was SO hoping you’d be in the clear. I feel for you! And for those of you who have work places with embarassing options as well! I understand the pros of one person bathrooms… but what if someone walks in right after you?? Thats kind of embarassing too, you gotta admit. Thankfully I work in a 4 story building and I always go to the 3rd floor where a bunch of dudes house their financial advisory businesses, so I hardly ever have to compete with females! Whew.
That’s how my old job was.
I miss it.
Oy. I’ve done things like that before….not exactly the same. More like, I camped out, waited for silence, and when I got up the other person was standing in front of the mirror putting on make up.
The best time to go is around 3 or 4pm, everyone’s having a cup of coffee so you have the whole bathroom to yourself for a loooong time.
My morning poo is strong. It will not wait.
What a horrible boss.
Anyone worth their salt would have left a sticky note that said:
“Nice one.”
I would REVERE her if she had. But she’s a “lady”. *scoffs*
Just when you thought you were smooth…
FAIL.
Ohhhhhh Lilu… hahaha you need a secret bathroom! I had one when I worked at my university… you know the ones that are tucked away that people don’t really know about / never use? Yup. Those are for… that. haha
I know. Maybe I should just go to a different floor… who cares if I offend someone there? At least I don’t have to work WITH them.
…and this would be just one reason why I am happy that I work with ALL dudes. The people who work for that other company in the other suite on our floor? I don’t have to know their names.
Anonymity in the bathroom is priceless.
Oh man, that’s terrible. And hilarious, but only for people other than you. You have my sympathy.
You see what I go through for you guys?
At least the other lady shuffled on out of there. The worst is when you’re waiting it out against someone else—like it’s a battle to see who either stays and finishes business or who can wrap it up first and get the hell out without seeing the other person.
Bathroom etiquette at its best…
I’ve totally done that, and then we BOTH gave up and came out at the same time. Huge fail.
I was actually thinking about it- your stuff at the sink! Then towards the end I was like… A-hah! I was right! LOL.
Thank god restrooms in my country mostly have space in the cubicle for you to put your things.
Our have hooks, but that won’t hold a notebook. Sigh.
Maybe she didn’t notice? Yes, and I KNOW those emails.
I also know “camping out.”
It is a valuable tactic in bathroom warfare… WHEN USED CORRECTLY.
I call that a JOB WELL DONE!
Fear not. Ms. Stilettos shits too. Maybe not as nasty or as noisy, but still.
I totally need to catch her so we’re even.
Everybody poops.
I should probably get her that for Christmas.
Umm wow. I’m totally guilty of doing the camp out. Also, sometimes I like to be an ass and purposely take longer when I know there is someone else in the stall next to me “camping out”. It’s the simple pleasures in life….
That is what is referred to as the STAKEOUT. It’s evil, conniving, and absolutely hilarious.
I go through this every morning. Our bathroom is right next to another office where their young, Hollister-eque secretary stares at you as you go in to do your business. After my coffee kicks in there’s no controlling it and I always leave the bathroom hanging my head a little lower because based on the bathroom’s acoustics, I’m pretty sure all noises echo into the hallway.
Hollister-esque! OMG, I so know what you mean. And I love it.
OMG, I completey HATE when that happens. If I get the urge, I will desperately try to find any other bathroom in this godforsaken building that is not being used. And if someone happens to walk in, I totally will stay in there until they leave!
And then to have that email sitting there! Ugh!!!
My heart sunk, for reals. I was so damn proud of myself.
Wow, girl, wow….
I think happy hour is in order for that one.
Too bad you don’t have a car to get here to WV; a fabulous girl’s night has been planned at mi casa for tomorrow evening and it sounds exactly like something you need right now..
I ain’t skerred of hitching…
i go through the same thing at my office. we have those room fresheners that go off every 16 minutes or something and luckily for me i time my poo well and just as i finish it sprays rose petals or something like that.
Genius. Maybe I should spring for one.
Nahhhh. That’s ruin too many TMITs.
Oh girl how embarrassing.
I have to admit that when I’ve had a bathroom blowout, I’ve held my feet up so that the other people in the stalls won’t recognize my shoes.
I SO THOUGHT ABOUT IT. But thank goodness I didn’t, because then she would have known not only that I blew up the bathroom, but that I was HIDING.
lol. aww that sucks butt (no pun intended!) hopefully she didn’t see it!?
It was pretty much impossible to miss.
Why is it so difficult to get a little bathroom privacy at the workplace? I sit right by the bathrooms…we have 2 stalls but the outer door locks, so usually if one of the 4 women who work here are in there, they lock it. Of course, it’s almost as embarrassing when you’re sitting there and someone pulls on the locked door…
I posted my first TMI Thursday, check it out
:
http://www.onewaydown.com/?p=127
Yay! Got it!
I love Chipotle!
I love that *that’s* what you took from this post.
By the title and it being TMI, I thought very bad things.
Being caught doing #2 in the work environment is pretty bad.
By the head honcho, no less.
OMG, I was like “yes! she got away with it!” I was not expecting the twist to that story. Awful! I’m sooo familiar with camping out, I do it all the time!
My office is really small, so we have a private bathroom. But the worst is when someone goes in afterwards. My desk is somewhat near the bathroom so I know who comes in and out. I want to yell “NOOOO!! don’t go in there!!” but usually I just end up with my hands in my face shaking my head. Its horrifying.
I JUST had someone walk in the bathroom as I was walking out… I wanted to apologize.
My story wasn’t so much a TMI this morning. But never one to disappoint, I threw one up there (literally) a few mins ago.
http://the-life-of-mb.blogspot.com/2009/09/so-you-want-tmi-you-say.html
Hahaha NICE! Don’t forget to link back
Flush WHILE you are going! The noise covers it and takes *most* of the offending issuance with it. I flush three times if I have to, no way am I sitting over a bowl filled with poopy stew. Yuck.
I have a um, problem with my digestion, which is why I am primarily vegan, but I am old, and I ain’t carrying guilt for more shit than neccessay at this point, and neither should you, so fuck ‘er. twss
Also, this post? awesome.
Haha! Nice TWSS!
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had a similar situation happen to me. When you have IBS, you get to endure all kinds of shameful situations.
Oh, I can only imagine the TMIs you have…
ohhhh, SO sorry for your Embarrassment! Luckily, when I worked in a big office, 3 of us girls on (Just on our ONE FLOOR) had bad IBS…and one had Chrons…so it was a big joke about our horrible bathroom explosions!! ha. It was sometimes a battle for who got the 2 open stalls!
I eventually also got to know the girl who sat in a cube outside the bathroom becuase she would see me go in and out so often!
So, DID This lady look at you funny in the meeting!!?
Thank god, she wasn’t in that seminar. It was just for minions like me.
oops, its Crohn’s, not Chrons.
Coulda fooled me.
Yeah, I always camp out. Sometimes, I even lift my feet so that no one will see whose shoes are peeking out under the stall walls. And I always–always!–tuck my ID badge into my pocket right before I release the brown trout back into their streams.
Lesson learned. Sigh.
aaaah yes. THIS is another reason why I am so happy to NOT be working in an office anymore.
And I’m totally going to start using “anytwaddle”.
It definitely brings some flava to the conversation…
The other reason I lift my shoes is because my boss–whose heart is tiny and black in the same way mine is–will see my feet and, if I’m the only one in there, he’ll turn the lights out after he’s done pissing, plunging me into pitch black darkness. And then he laughs and shuts the door.
OMG. I would so do that if my office was cool.
i hate it when the camp out gets busted in some way or another. the worst is when you’re waiting and waiting and waaaaaiting and they just. don’t. leave! then they just deserve what they get!
I know! At that point it’s like well, eff you- enjoy my stank!
Oh my gosh how horrible! So did she give you “the look” at the meeting because she totally knew it was you?
She wasn’t there, thank goodness.
Oh dear lord!! LMFAO!!! I have been there only without the notebook. Once, YEARS ago, I was on the pot, same situation, and someone I worked with who I am assuming saw me come in, walks into the stall next to me and says “hey cass” *gasp* I am camping, i am not cass, go away go away!! but she decided to carry on a full conversation, oh yeah, there on the toilet! wtf?!?!
TMI again this week
http://bigmamacass.wordpress.com/2009/09/24/care-for-some-sticky-sex-tmi-thursday/
Yay! Thanks for playing
I was all “ummm this totally has happened to me and of COURSE you camp out!” until I got to the end where you left your email on the counter because you were ALMOST off the hook…
I was not the brightest crayon in the box, yesterday.
So you walked into the seminar and loudly said, “Thanks, Jennifer (there’s always a Jennifer) for bringing my NOTEBOOK TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM AFTER YOUR PIT STOP IN THE RESTROOM. I REALLY appreciate it.”
DAMMIT. Jennifer’s a whore, too. Totally would have worked.
So…was she *in* the seminar with you? Because that would be just extra awkward. It gets tricky avoiding eye contact for three hours in an enclosed space.
Also, the fact that you knew her by her stilettos kind of makes me want to rethink all of my “fun” shoe choices. Too recognizable.
I used to dig into my shoe closet daily… lately I’ve been sticking to basic flats. Much safer.
I camp out even when I go pee, just to avoid the awkwardness of saying “hello” and making small talk with someone while I wash my hands.
I just peed and someone kept talking to me AFTER I WENT IN THE STALL. So not okay!
We have ALL done the camping out. I will do it with people I don’t even know!
It’s just better for everyone that way.
That’s too funny. Yesterday I was using the student restroom (I am a teacher) because it’s a lot closer than the main office restroom. I was doing my thing when I heard a student come in. She SANG the entire time she was in the restroom. I camped out because I didn’t want to embarrass her. But wow….I was cracking up.
Haha awwww. That’s just plain cute. And TOTALLY something I would do.
Ahhhhhhhhhh shit (*snerk*). Awk-ward … but hilarious.
Also, “abhorrid” might be my new favorite word of the week. Permission to stealz?
Stealz away, my love!
I’ve had similar experiences in the past, put was still in the middle of it all when someone has walked in. I tried like all the was holy to press my ass cheeks together without actually using my hands to do so, to keep the godaweful noise from escaping!!
Did you succeed?? I’ve so been there… it’s a tricksy moment!
oh. my. god. GIRL, you KILL me. I’m huddled in the back of a quiet conference room and I should know better than to read your stories unless safely alone. But NO. I had to click over.
When I got to “Ass Holocaust” I died. LMAO. My whole ass? It fell off.
This happens to me like once a week and so is now one of my favorite stories of yours. And shall go down in my “best ass stories on the web” collection (you have to scroll down to see the best ones). Believe me, I have an eye for picking out this stuff!
http://www.wavian.com/blog/toilet-humor/index.html
Love you man.
Oh and our company might be hiring. Just in case.
I’ve got my resume updated, just in case…
If you read *nothing* else, you must see this:
http://www.wavian.com/blog/toilet-humor/four-plates.html
About “The Move.”
OMG. Love!!!!!!!!!!
pps. While I have many great stories, none rival that. Just had to mention that did not happen to me.
Ok I will stop littering comments all over your blog!
Ha! That’s fair.
oh my gosh, my dear LiLu, this shit will only happen to you! I always look for shoes in the stalls before I need to take care of business *nodding head side to side*
There was no time. NO TIME!!!
Ah, the morning coffee dump. You make me smile!
I love that we can bond over this.
Oh my goodness!!! That so totally would have happened to me! lol
You’re the first person to say that… hahaha!
Seriously, this is one of the funniest things I’ve heard in a while. You, Lilu? Are my hero.
xoxo
Glad my assplosion could make you giggle.
Oh no. No, no, no. That is just bad, horrible, atrocious luck. B/c you know we’ve all been there done that with the whole camping out thing. I feel for you. I really do. At least you know Hitler would be proud of your Ass Holocaust.
Heil diarrhea!
This is by far my favorite part of working from home. If I never go to another office, it’ll be too soon.
JEALOUSSSSSSSSSSS.
** fingers plugged into ears **
LALALALALALALA
Cute girls don’t poop.
LALALALALALALA
I love that it’s only the *cute* ones who don’t.
HA.
Chipotle is totally worth it.
It really, really is.
Also? There was corn.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
Ah yes, the ass-camping-on-the-toilet-until-the-person-in-the-stall-next-to-you-leaves routine. I know it well.
I’ve said too much.
Oh, come on… we’re all in this together.
There is a moral lesson learned here today. Never leave any evidence of your identity if you’re going for a shit at the office, whether or not expect “the potty business” to be explosive or just quiet.
I am a giver.
Office poops are never good. Someone is bound to know who the offender was, and if they are like me, then they proceed to let everyone know who has the ass of death.
Do you email, or just put it on the big whiteboard?
just found your blog…. sooo cute love it!
new follower
“Cute”? On TMI Thursday?
You’ll do well here. Welcome.
The worst is when your sitting it out, only to find out that the other gentlelady in the bathroom is camping as well. I never know whether to cut and run, or just let it flow and hope that hers smells alot worse than mine.
ON another note, one of the best moments of my life was when I walked into the bathroom, heard someone taking the nastiest smelliest dump I had ever heard/smelled/witnessed. (that wasn’t the best moment) I immediately left out of courtesy, and also bc if I didn’t, I would vomit. Of course I kept watch to see who could be capable of such a defilement. To my delight, about 7 minutes later- the evil bitch V.P. of my company walked out with a very satisfied look on her face. I got a lot of joy spreading that one around.
See, THIS is why I really, really need to be nicer at work.
I have a huge problem with pooping in public. I can’t do it. When I first got to college, I seriously didn’t crap for 3 weeks. I was miserable, so I started waking up in the middle of the night to poop in peace.
I have issues…
Three WEEKS?!? I would have invested in some serious laxatives!
That is classic, I might just have to grab that button sometime.
Was sent here by Throwing Quarters.com
Grab away!
ooooh nooo, that SUCKS, you were thisclose to getting away with it. and i heart this: “camp the fuck out” i totally have, sometimes through two rounds of peeing people. i mean everyone knows WHY you are camping out, but at least then you don’t have to look anyone else in the face.
Exactly. AND you can convince yourself that maybe, just maybe, they didn’t recognize your shoes.
I love it how you can make explosive bowl movements extremely hysterical.
It is a gift, it would seem.
I would’ve totally camped out too!
It was the only option. If only it had WORKED.
First of all, LOVE the reference to TPS reports. That’s what I call balancing my bank account – my TPS Report.
Secondly, it’s your kind who creep me the fuck out in the bathroom. I do not understand people who just SIT and make no sound while I pee, wash my hands, weigh myself, etc.
I always envision that scene from Scream 2 where the guy gets stabbed in the head thru the stall. That’s why I never put my head up against the stall! JUST IN CASE.
Also, get out of my head. I’m the Angela of my office, AND everything is in acronyms, or code words. So I’ve started making up some codewords for employees. They include but are not limited to : Rickety Cricket, Hitler, Mittens, ‘Stache, Bear, Candy, Juicy Booty (JB), Havisham, Hair, Tricky Dicky, and Takeout. You should utilize this process as well. PCN = Project Code Names. ;o)
Ooooo, I want a nickname!
hello.. sorry I am late.. here’s mine this week
http://lovegoddessspeaks.blogspot.com/2009/09/i-discovered-shower-watertmi.html
Thanks!
thank God
for writers
like you!
this is awesome.
peace~
Chuck
Aw. Thanks, love!
(oops duh!) fixed.
Woot!
I have to admit I would have died and my husband doesn’t understand why that bothers women. He says, “Um, guys could care less, what is the big deal?” Men just don’t get it!
Not at ALL.
I camped. The fuck. OUT.- priceless. And we have all fucking done it.
Amen.
At least you made it to the toilet.
This could’ve been a whole DIFFERENT kind of TMI…
That is so embarrassing! That must have been one looooong seminar! LOL
For sure. But at least I was empty…
EWWWWWWWWWWW
Noooooo!!! The camp out shivers are the worst! You’re so hilar.
They are intense!
Awesome. I love the tie-in to yesterday’s post about the TPR. It made me lol. And I LOOOOVE reading other people’s stories about having to poo. I don’t know why…I just do.
Oh, and here’s mine this week! http://tabithablogs.wordpress.com/2009/09/24/tmi-thursday-my-love-hate-relationship-with-the-o-word/
Got it! Woot!
Is that one of the tracks on “Sounds of the Serengeti”?
Chipotle will do that. Just saying. Should have stuck with a turkey burger.
I hope all five/six of us from yesterday see this.
Oh my gosh…I think I would have died from embarrassment!!
I wished for it.
All I read was “snakeskin stilettos”
Figures. Hooker.
I think I’m odd in that, to me, it’s a “meh” situation… Everyone has to go to the bathroom… and we all have the assplosion moments, especially those of us who enjoy coffee. That being said, I’d probably do the same as you, which is, wait until she left and then leave the stall, but as for being embarrassed afterward, I’ve never found it necessary.
I see how some people would be grossed out, but, it’s human nature. We have bodily functions… Still a great write and hilariously funny, especially with the created words… ;o)
Yeah. I was actually more upset that I failed at getting away with it than that she found out it was me.
At least you didn’t have a play-by-play announcer disguised as a cute 3 year old like I did once.
“Mommy, that lady tooted…” giggles…”She tooted AGAIN Mommy!!”
I still do that.
That’s horrifying!
I used to sense when people were waiting for me to leave and I’d conduct the rest of my potty break double time. Hated the idea of them sitting there praying for me to just go away.
Exactly. You have to be stealthy about it!
I’m sorry all these things happen to you, but GOD, do I love Thursdays!
Ha! xoxo
Ohhh camping out? The worst. By the by, ass loins? Genius. You get me every time.
Well, I wanted to emphasize the deepness, but it’s not REGULAR loins… those are for sexy time. Hence, the ASS loin!
Awe…Gross. But I have to say I rock snakeskin pumps myself. I own 3 or 4 pairs. Hope you have a much better weekend.
I should totally invest in a few more pairs.
This is freaking hilarious! You are one brave soldier to camp the fuck out.
Seriously. Where’s my medal?!
I am MORTIFIED for you. Random bathroom visitor would have been a tad embarassing…but the department head? I think I would have left and never come back.
And I’ve camped out on an occassion or two. A girl has to do what a girl has to do. I’ve even vowed to out-camp the campers. Victory was mine! Bitches don’t know who they’re playing with when I need to camp out. I will sit there all afternoon if need be.
Oh, I will win the camp-off EVERY TIME.
You know I was wondering as well when/if you would run out of TMI’s.
If you do walk out with people in the bathroom still, I believe they call it the “walk of shame.”
ps: I laughed very hard at this, even during an upsetting day involving a broken blackberry.
Oh no! I’m sorry about the ‘berry… glad I made you smile, at least.
Oh, this is too funny. Especially since last night one of my girlfriends was in the same situation, except she was the one who heard everything – and it was the super hot chick in the office who was taking care of business.
The hotter the person, the funnier their stanky ass shit is.
LMAO! I totally hate when that happens! I’m definitely the one to camp the hell out in there too if anyone else comes in the bathroom. It’s soooo TMI and you don’t need to see anyone else’s face when you’re coming out after a mess/smell/sounds of that nature!
Why can’t I do twosies at work?! I’ll never get a good TMI with my shy colon!
Can that be my TMI for the day? ;o)
“But she didn’t know I was the Hitler”
If I had a dollar for every time that line applied to my life…
Thanks for including me in the roll call, despite my utter lack of TMI Thursday protocol today. Then again, my story involved peeing in public.
Now where’s that tequila?
at least you weren’t playing battle shits with her a la harold and kumar, that could have been a wee bit more awkward, haha.
Lilu not too mention she would have recognized YOUR shoes.
And that is why I LOVE working at HOME!!! Haha… most of those moments happen with the door open!
Ok… so that was just my TMI Thursday post… short, sweet and simple!
~ Jen
I hate when that happens…lol
I have yet to figure out how to link up my TMI post! I’m a little slow, what can I say!
http://lucyslifeinsuburbworld.blogspot.com/2009/09/tmithursday-old-lady-on-campus.html
I had a similar experience but involved my period, a toilet overflowing, and a bathroom full of other students…
FML as well.
Oh… every time she looks at you… with just a glimmer of disgust/concern in her eye… the whole moment will replay itself in delightful, visceral detail across the backs of your eyelids…
Lovely
i love your blog so much. it is just the cutest and funniest…not to mention wittiest! love it.
Whew, this almost did turn into NTKOG #25: I drank my first-ever cup of coffee today, and afterwards was convinced that every slightest gurgle of my stomach would lead to the crapocalypse.
I seriously thought I was the only one who ever had to camp out in a stall in order to keep the poo atrocity anonymous. I feel vindicated. Sorry about the e-mail, though. I don’t think I’ve ever been outed.
Oh, she totally went and whispered to everyone that you took a shit.
I’m proud of you.
That’s a moment to cherish and remember.
For.ev.er.
Oh my God. Oh my God. How did I miss this blog? How did I not come read your posts sooner? I just burst out laughing reading this.
“Ass Holocaust.” HAHAHAHA. That is all I can think of to say!
Oh my God that’s my worst nightmare
Oh.My.God. You are a trooper for continueing on with your day. I would have literally stroked out right then.
I’m always afraid something like that will happen to me. Thankfully, I have a huge-ass messenger bag that could hold Cuba, Yao Ming, George Foreman, and Roseanne.
I’m sure that your department head, being human, has had the shits-n-giggles before, so I’m sure she’d understand. Doesn’t take away from the em-bare-ass-ment of the situation, but if she’s any kind of woman, she won’t spread your story around.
Oh. Mother. Of. God.
That was AMAZING! I’m STILL laughing my ass off and it’s like 5 minutes later. Lol!!
Wooooooow. That definitely had to sick to be you at that moment-I’ve been there before, but never had THE EMAIL to worry about >.<
Hopefully it was either A.) Overlooked on accident or B.) Overlooked on purpose.
Two things:
I love the unwritten rule that we must not be present when someone exits a stall- we must hurry and wash our hands or if you are in the stall, camp out til the coast is clear.
I’ve done that quite a few times.
The other thing? Well I forgot- that story is so classic, so you.
Argh!!! I always take whatever i own with me INTO the toilet in the event of something like this happening to me. Which is NOT hygenic but.. at least it covers my ass. (Not literally)
I am a big fan of camping out. The worst thing ever is when someone enters and it becomes very clear they have plans to camp out as well. It is like a stand off. I usually cave and flush and try to do business as quickly as possible during the flushing.
This is the greatest thing I’ve ever read online. Ever.
I’m going to start participating in TMI Thursdays. I’m usually REALLY gracious about owningupandlinkingback, but I just can’t do it for fear of shaming the shit out of myself for even attempting to write a TMI that even dreams of living in the neighborhood of this one’s awesomeness. So if my readers find this on their own, that’s great. Ha! But yeah, I’ll participate.
And you’re hilarious, and awesome.
Yeah.
~Jenn (Ex Hot Girl)
ok thats basically awful. and something that would happen to me.
“I camped. The fuck. OUT.”
I can actually HEAR your saying those words.
And that made me snarf a bit harder.
LOL! “I love Chipolte”
best comment lololol
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