I held a little housewarming party this weekend.
Just, yanno, a small, low-key gathering for good friends. We didn’t want anything too big, or over the top. We are twenty somethings now, after all. Sheesh. We’re all sophisticated and shit.
But, um, at some point, things started to get a wee bit… debaucherous.
I know. I know. You’re shocked.
It might have started when we discovered the new iPhone app that makes anyone sound like T-Pain last week, and convinced f.B‘s lovely lady Miss Bianca to download it for us, so we could give it a shot.
And, consequently, this might have happened.
But that’s not all, oh NO, that’s not all.
B’s work wife decided to bring a piñata. And not just any piñata… a piñata that she had drawn B’s face on. Don’t believe me?
And then, as the witching hour crept near, my love Maxie decided she wanted to show off her newly discovered beer-shotgunning skill. (Last weekend we showed her how to do it for the FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE. Poor, poor deprived child). I don’t remember whose idea it was to go in the bathroom (maybe FlipFlops or Pithy?), but, um, thank you.
Anyhoo, Maxie, Mb, Patrick, f.B and I decided to strut our stuff, in the liquid chugging sense. And my lovely friend Brian over at Urban Bohemian had the presence of mind to document it.
Thank the baby jeebus someone took the knife away from us (I especially enjoy the audible screams of “NO KNIFE!!! NO KNIFE!!!”), but I did pretty damn well with the keys. There’s not really anything I can say to prepare you for this, so, um…
Enjoy?
I love how my dear Lexa is sipping a glass of wine in the doorway, shaking her head. With love, I’m sure.
(My other favorite part is that I completely did it wrong.)
And yes, apparently I have decided that my Blackberry’s home (at parties) is between my cleavage.
Happy Monday, y’all. I’ll be under my desk if anyone needs me.
{ 109 comments }
At :39 in the opinion was offered up, “Oh this is a BAD idea!” This was quickly shot down by “Oh this is a GREAT idea!”
When the stabbing with the keys began, I could not have been happier that I was um… standing on the toilet… I think.
I’m not sure you were clear of the “danger zone”…
I spent three hours at my daughter’s soccer tournament screaming, ‘KICK THE BALL!! KICK THE FUCKING BALL!’
All I got was a blistering sunburn, stern looks from other parents and a tension headache.
Thanks for rubbing that shit right in.
I thought people only said “tension headache” in commercials.
There must be a joke there somewhere about how many bloggers can fit into a bathtub.
Only three, apparently. Gotta leave room for the goat.
What?
Bathroom-drinking-orgy champions!
I think you were the clear winner.
Tits as a 21st century phone cradle… What will they think of next?…
It actually worked really well on vibrate- I couldn’t hear it ring when people arrived!
Ahhh, now I know where all those bubblegum pieces I found in my purse the next morning originated. Excellent.
I had the same reaction when I took a shower the next day and the tub was covered in pink fuzz.
Oh my I just realized there’s an embarrassing video that will haunt me the day become a politician or a star athlete.
It won’t be at Beerfest, that’s for sure.
I always leave your parties just before they really get going. I’m going to have to break myself of that habit…and take the anti-cat pills beforehand. First I miss the fight last year, now this? How much more pain can one person endure?
Had a great time, looking forward to the next one.
I’m sure you would have shown us all how it’s done, too!
I’m with Lexa. Hahaha!
You love it.
That was a sad, sad display of shotgunning skills. Fun yes, but sad.
Who the hell shotguns a beer out of the middle of the can?
My skills may have been a bit, um, impaired.
Full circle!
See, I am very angry that I missed this event. Shotgunning beers, and I missed it? Oh, your wedding is so on!
We need to make sure the bar serves cans…
Fantastic! You, my dear, possess one of the quickest shotguns I’ve seen outside of Morgantown. Hats off. Also that was a very full bathroom. Well played.
I think we fit a dozen people in there at one point.
TWSS.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHH
nice. my college roommate and I were notorious for shotgunning beers anywhere and everywhere in our apartment, and at any given moment. Yes, I was “that” guy. I still may be him. I’m not actually sure.
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
You can hear me way more than you see me; though in that nano second I was on screen I do think I was shaking my head.
Crazy kids.
Where was your inner Tawny on this one?
You handled those keys like they were your bitch. I heart you Lilu!
“Like”? They totally WERE.
I like that you and your people can make so many good memories in the bathroom. Usually it’s just for the “oh my god, I’m going to die” memories.
That didn’t even come later… I passed out on Miss Bianca’s shoulder before any vomiting could ensue. FTW!
I love how your all up in the bathroom doing it. Classy as all hell while you shotgun them beers! =) I’m not one to make a mess either!
Oh, I was all set to christen the living room. Thank goodness someone had the bright idea of the bathtub!
ha, i noticed the bb in the cleave immediately. that’s always a good spot to tuck it away. you make me proud with that shotgunning goodness.
<3
Well that’s certainly one way to wake up on a Monday morning…
I like your little ‘ahh’ after finishing the can, Lilu, and the satisfied smile that followed.
I ain’t seen a bathroom orgy like that since my time at university!
I am a klassy broad.
Looks like a raging success! A housewarming party of that caliber ensures you at least a year’s worth of joy in the new place.
Oh, we’re not moving again… EVER.
Let’s see, a Biz Markee cover and hot chicks crowded into a tub… oh, how I fondly remember those parties back when I was young and had friends.
Thanks for the smiles to start off my morning.
Life is crazy, but grand.
and I thought mi gente were the only ones that could fit 12 people into one room. Yer secretly Mexican, aren’t you?
I do love me a Pacifico…
I seriously need to get in on your next party! You guys sure know how to have a GREAT time!
loved the video’s!
Thanks, hon! <3
why is it called “shotgunning?”…never made any sense to me, you are sucking on an aluminium can with a hole punched in it. things to ponder…
I know. I never got over people who call funneling “beer bonging”, either.
One of my favorite places to be is between cleavage. My wife’s, specifically.
Schmoop alert!
You know it’s a good party when you forget there was a pinata…
Ahahaha! Well, it was short lived, to be fair…
Scandalous!
Looks like a great time.
It surely was!
Dammit, I’ve never shotgunned a beer either. I feel like I’m missing an important life experience.
Should we ever meet, I hereby promise to fix this.
Wow! When we left, it was a classy shindig of folks drinking wine and eating pasta.
Thanks for having me; love your new digs!
You know everything goes downhill when you bust out a pinata. Thanks, love!
I may be a newbie shotgunner, but at least I didn’t drink it out of the top of the can you crazy mofo. How did I go to WVU and not learn that. HOW?
I hope I was cheating and didn’t really do that by mistake.
Wow, that’s one klassy party right there. They should make a holder for the BB that fits between your cleavage, you know so it doesn’t get boob sweat.
I know. Those little keys are hard enough without cleavage dew on them!
Tell Brad I think he’s hot.
You can suck it like a pro LiLu. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
You make it too easy, my love. And he knows he’s dashingly handsome.
I drank wine and painted my bathroom vanity. I can’t paint without drinking, which is probably why I can’t paint worth a f***.
Annoying tasks should ALWAYS be accompanied by a glass of wine. I strongly believe this.
The key thing was great! But your really lucky the key still worked after that! lol
Great video. Reminds me of days when I had fun, lol
It might be a bit sticky…
But, your completely wrong method worked better than everyone else’s right one, if we ignore the beer you missed. I say three cheers for pinata beating, beer shotgunning, highly classy and mature get togethers.
Did you keep a straight face when you said that?
Wow. I remember the pinata but the second video?
Not so much.
I know. Thank goodness for iPhones…
There’s nothing better than a beating a pinata in effigy.
Especially when it’s yourself…
I’m very nearly speechless after that shotgunning video.
But pinatas and shotgunning just can’t be beat. Sounds like it was a huge housewarming success. Sorry I missed it!
I would DEFINITELY call it a success.
I was going to say the same thing A said, “How many bloggers does it take to fit into a bathroom/tub?”
Damn having to go to work on a Saturday and not being able to stay for longer at your place.
Work on a Saturday is pretty much my idea of what hell is like.
This is how we do it, it’s Friday night and I feel all riiiiight. Oh, I’m sorry. I was distracted by your title. Montell Jordan has that effect on me. Anyway, looks like a good housewarming party
I love pinatas.
Who doesn’t? They are festive to the nth degree.
In Texas, we do that with beer kegs.
Pictures to prove it.
Darn, Darn, Darn, Darn can’t see the second video. I have no idea why I have so much trouble with videos, watched the pinata, No blind fold???? Was it decided that might be a little too dangerous?
Anyways, I am bumming I can’t see the second video.
Sure, a blindfold was too dangerous, but stabbing beer cans people were holding with sharp objects was totally okay, for some reason…
Try watching the video here!
I am mid-move right now and you have given me something to aspire to when I throw my own “housewarming.” Except our bathroom is not nearly large enough to fit that many people, so we may have to go outside to the courtyard for the shotgun escapades.
You guys ooze awesomeness. Thanks for sharing the videos
.
You would not believe how small that bathroom really is…
What a ton of debauchery indeed! You guys make me jealous with your fun times.
Wish you could’ve been there, love!
Awesome party! I need to be at the next one! lol!
Yes you do!
Wowza! Now that’s a partay! I love me some of this! And the T-Pain app? Yeah, I’m gonna be needing that, and it will be my new outgoing voicemail. Holla!
EXACTLY. And you can’t hear it that well when it’s so many people, but when it’s just one person? You really, honestly sound just like him. FTW!!!
LOL! I’m with Kim.
Ha!
I’ve often wanted cleavage to hold my Blackberry, I hate having stuff in my pockets. Ideally there would be room for my keys and wallet too.
There’s always the rear cleavage for extra storage…
LOL you guys are hilarious, at least you had fun
beside whats the point of cleavage when you cant use it? right?
Amen!
HAHAHA.
FIRST- YOU going to town with that key! Those people were very brave holding those cans while you attacked the sh*t out of them!
Second. Do you REALLY think you shotgunned that beer?? NOT only did you just drink it out of the “normal” side…but it looked like more flowed down to the tub floor than down your throat! haha. I have to go watch again! Ok, I watched it again and I laughed even harder the 2nd time around…One question? What was the point of putting a hole in YOUR CAN? What did you use that hole for?? (thats 2 questions-oops)
I LOVE after you “finish” you let out a sigh of completion!
SO funny!
I am a very, very special person. I have nothing to say for myself.
Sigh.
I think you get points for originality…the way you suckled the beer from that can was vaguely reminiscent of a baby calf suckling nutrients away from its mama’s…udder? Is that the word for it?
I bet that’s the nicest thing anyone has said to you. Ever. I bet.
You win a cookie!
This video makes me want to shotgun a beer.
At 10:40 am.
Fuck it, It’s Monday and I ain’t got shit to do.
You know I’m not judging.
I had a little dinner party of my own. It ended with me puking tequila in the bathroom. And the next day, every time I stood up…I puked. I stayed in bed ALL DAY.
NO PANTS!
On the way home from a BBQ on Saturday, I texted B, “Be home in 15.” He texted back, “I’m not wearing pants!!!”
I wish I could shotgun beer. But instead I just drank too much in traditional fashion yesterday watching football.
I keep my Blackberry in my…wait never mind.
It’s okay. You can say “taint” on here. This is a safe place.
Aw, this reminds me of the good ‘ol days in college. I need to throw a housewarming party, just ‘cuz.
You don’t need an excuse! All you need, apparently, is a tub.
A good party can be gauged by the amount of screaming, yours is a 10!
TRUTH.
This sounds ridiculously excellent! I’m pretty sure I would need a week to recover, and this is why I am glad to be back on the internet, catching up!
Believe me, I will be taking it VERY easy this week.
Looks like you got more of that Bud Light on your person than you did in your mouth… pretty dangerous for the Blackberry!
My phones generally don’t last longer than 6 months. Therefore, there are all very, very insured.
Le sigh. We need to be real lifers. I’m seeeeething with jealousy. I want to be in the shower with you. WHAT?
BUT how’d my little bitch do in the kitch?! Weren’t you cooking?
Dude, baked ziti with spicy Italian sausage is a crowd pleaser, let me tell you. FTMFW!!!
I want to go to your parties. All of them.
Even through cyberspace I can see you are a party MAVEN.
And they want you, too!
I haven’t shotgunned a beer in too long. I am putting that on my weekend to do list. I think the hubs will agree that it is a must do. Maybe I’ll do it at the our neighbor’s little boy’s 2 year b-day party. Appropriate? Eh, who cares.
At least you know there’ll be bibs around…
How are your grown up parties more fun than my college parties? At least the parts of college parties I remember – so anything before 2 in the afternoon.
A complete lack of shame.
wtf, I have never done the shotgunning thing! I think it’s about time I move close to DC and learn a few things from you! Thanks for sharing the videos!
I’m sure there’s a tutorial on youtube…
i remember parties like that…now i am an old fougy with kids..lol
They’re lucky they’re cute!
Hey LiLu!
Your blog has brought me hours of entertainment and laughter the last couple weeks. You have actually inspired me to start my own blog! I put a link to your blog on mine. Hope thats ok.
And looks like the party was a blast!
I would like one piece of advice: How the hell did you convince B to let you get cats? My husband is allergic too.
I saw your blog! Congrats and welcome to the blogosphere.
Here are the steps I took in convincing B to get cats:
1. Threaten to get other really weird animals instead. I played this video at him about 4,000 times.
2. Try to convince him he’s not *really* allergic, and he will totally become immune after a while! And until then you will sweep and vaccuum and wipe them down every day! Also find a place that’s willing to do a trial period- ours was two weeks. (A lot of them do this even if you don’t see it advertised, especially for allergies.)
3. Get really drunk on wine while you have your period and BAWL about how you can’t bear to live a life with nothing sweet and fluffy at your feet.
The saddest part is none of these are a joke. Not even a little bit.
Love you, B.
I like that in your 20s, you’re smart enough to do that in the bathroom. You know in college, that would have taken place on the couch. NICE!!!
I think I still would. Fortunately, SOMEONE there had the presence of mind to suggest the bathroom.
It was probably a 30 something.
Girl, you party like no other! Too bad I wasn’t there to pump it up a notch… right, lol!!
I wish you could have been, though!
Those videos are hilarious! I’m still amazed at how many ppl you managed to squeeze in your bathroom! Lucky your blackberry didn’t get damaged w/ all the beer spills!! Confession: I have never shotgunned a beer before!!
That SO needs to be on your “To Do Before I Die” list.
haha that shotgunning video is hilarious, so much going on in one place. i can’t believe you fit that many people in your bathroom! haha. but definitely the best is the “no knives! no knives!”, you have some smart friends.
I love how you were like you have some smart FRIENDS. Because you know I would’ve gone for it.
This is so funny. Thanks for making my day.
More than happy to, my friend.
Ummm, super jealous I’m not in the Metro DC area to take part in such debauchery!!
I know! You should fix that!!
i love how i rocked out for 6 hours of binge drinking in boston on saturday- and could not get out of bed until 4pm the next day. something tells me i’d have to take 2 days off from work to hang out with your crew!!
f’in awesome video
The best part? I went to another bash on Saturday for, oh, seven hours. Sunday? I DID NOT MOVE.
You put it in your mouth and suck it? I’ve heard THAT before.
Pure awesomeness. I love being a twenty-something.
PS – I totally put my cell phone in between my cleavage as well. =)
It’s so the best place! Then you always know where it is.
Hahaha- dude, that is frigging hilarious! I’m especially fond of your cleavage in the shotgun video. In a totally hetero and not at all creepy way.
My favorite kind.
My favourite part? How the dustpan is still on the broom.
We keep it klassy. You know this.
I was wondering what that shiny thing was between your bewbs. Awesome videos.
I love that you wrote “bewbs”. It’s gentler, somehow.
So awesome the bathroom shotgun sesh was commemorated. Even more awesome is the fact that your blackberry was still in your cleavage.
Such a fun party! Thanks again for the invite!
So glad you and your boo could make it!
That last video was hilarious!!!
We are a speshul bunch.
dude. you have a hella lot of friends that blog.
it’s quite impressive.
and videos are always a gem.
We crazies like to stick together.
So, my reply didn’t post right, so here’s the link I was going for!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQ-O3c1sjjI&feature=player_embedded
Ahahahahaha! YESSS!!!
Love It. Glad to see you guys are not one of those couples who never do anything fun with their friends! My invite must have been lost in the mail but I digress. An application that makes you sound like T-Pain? So, um auto-tune then?
You’re in CHARLESTON!
I…. am so sad.
I can’t believe you missed it.
I need to come to one of your parties.
Yes! Yes you do.
I don’t think this had been invented yet when I was in my 20′s. Our parties were rather tame compared to this!
Oh, come on… I don’t believe it for a second.
Bahahah. Now that is house warming party. Where were the kittehs during all this? Hot boxing the kitty hut?
Never! *sly wink*
My computer is being a douchebag and won’t let me watch any of the videos. I feel so scared and alone. So alone.
Boo hissssssss!
I’m jealous! I work to much for such things anymore, but back in the day, I was the beer bong champ.
…that was a 100 years ago though, I’m an *adult* now.
Glad you had a fun time
Someday, I’ll be one of those too.
But not yet…
All of a sudden I hate my life because I couldnt attend this incredible get together. Not that I was invited, but seriously, if I were in DC, I woulda crashed it.
If you were in DC, I would have kidnapped you and MADE you come.
It’s not fair that you have all these friends who blog and can come to all the parties together! Graaarrr!
Fair? No. AWESOME? Yes.
Why doesn’t Budweiser ever show commercials that demonstrate best way to ‘shot gun’ a beer? That would be useful advertising.
Hey, if your mom reads your blog, I’m just thinking….passing a drink this holiday season may take a different turn.
Hopefully she skipped this one…
A pinata? Seriously? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
I KNOW.
Opening a beer can by stabbing it with keys? Cla-ssy!
They wouldn’t give me a knife!
And rightfully so…
omg I love you guys
<3
When I had my house warming party, I invited a bunch of lame people from my old work. No one got drunk. No one got debaucherous. Not even me.
And for that, I’m sad.
What’s that I hear? The baby Jesus crying? Yes, it probably is.
It definitely is. Quick, steal his gold.
When you broke out the keychain for beer stabbies, I was like Oh sweet Jesus, girl, two inches to the side and you’ll open up that girl’s vein.
I keep my blackberry in my underpants. Sometimes the screen fogs up. It’s hot down there.
I think Maxie had the same thought. Good thing my aim is way better than BOTH OF YOU THOUGHT. FTW.
LMFAO!!!! That looks like a Blast!!!
Mr. P is buying the app as I type. “I’m on a Boat” is his favorite song, and when I showed him the app and told him I was too cheap to buy it, “Hell yeah I am buying that.” I may regret telling him about it, but he is pretty excited.
Son of a bitch…I am so sad that I don’t live there.
Can ya’ll do a D.C. peeps roadtrip?? I gots a sofa-bed.
One word (or actually three words combined into one word that is actually only three letters):
LOL.
The pinata is freaking priceless. I’m Latin and I don’t do that. My people salute you.
Oh the joys of ‘low key’ gatherings turning into something far from ‘low key’ HA! Love it!
Dude, I’ve never even heard of shotgunning beer. Where have I been? No idea! Looks like you guys had tons of fun, though! B had to beat his own face?! Insane! lol
102 comments…dear Jesus. This is why you shut the internet down the other day. We used to shotgun beer all the time in college- I had a friend named Shotgun Sarah.
Haha! I hope you did one at her wedding.
I have just read your last seven posts, and this? This is the one I comment on? I’m a freak. And I love you.
Dude you were the winner- my shirt was the loser.
How can fb be the winner when it took him FOREVER to shotgun that damn beer?? LOSER.
Because he got it inside of him, rather than his shirt…
Normally that’s true, except trying to get your 9 year old daughter to actually kick a fucking ball during SOCCER instead of running away from the fucking thing gets you pretty wound the fuck up.
Great.
Another tension headache.
I hear tequila is great for that.
That’s not where I put mine when on vibrate…
I can’t believe you’re the first person who went there.
I saw this tonight – and thought of you!
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