Some of you are fortunate crazy enough to follow me on the insanity that is The Twitter.
Shameless plug WHAT!
Some of you are smart enough not to.
To you I say, tough noogies!
Please to enjoy some of the mini-drivels I subject my fellow Twatterers to on the reg…
Dear Tool Academy: If I had a penis, I would soooo stick it in you… apple pie style.
@Paper_Chaser Kathy Griffin… with a Levi Johnston on your arm. Re: What public figure should I impersonate this year for Halloween?
Just had a flashback to ripping off my ankle wrap during sexy time last night. That must’ve been super hot…
I just adjusted my jeans… and B assumed it was me trying to dance. God, I am white.
@LexaLemmy @ihatesomuch I miss you hookers already. Belt out something you know I could NEVER dance to on the way to @clevelandsaplum’s.
Today, I bought sensible underwear for the first time in my life. It kind of makes me want to go do a keg stand and puke out of a moving cab.
My favorite Halloween idea so far, via @afiendangelical: “Chuck Norris and MC Hammer. Because Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer.”
I know I’m 12, but I can’t see an “Orangina” without giggling.
My favorite found-my-blog search term today: “life is tough, get a helmet”.
Aaaaaaand my computer no longer has an F6 or F8 button. Thanks, Axe Murderer. You are a whore, cat.
Seriously? I’d rather be dumped via Post It. At least then you don’t have to STAY with the guy. Re: @msfbpuddin: What are people’s thoughts on a text message marriage proposal? Yay or nay?
I just typed “sad face” in a comment and then realized I was actually frowning. <— NERD ALERT
While cleaning the apartment… Me: “Hey, hand me the 509.” B: “You mean FOUR oh nine. We don’t have that fancy 509 shit.”
I’ve had FIVE google searchers today come from “hairlip vag open”. WTF.
@pilgrimcongress I just saw a girl who looked like you! Except you should teach her how to do her eyeliner right.
I would rather let a monkey fling its poo at me than ever watch another preview for Jennifer’s Body.
Just passed heavily pieced and tatted dood… walking his two mini poodles. Juxtaposition is fun!
B: Girl cat, did you just fart??? She farted right in my hand and now my hand smells!!! Ah!!
While walking around Columbia Heights… B: “Don’t step on that AIDS bag!!!”
I just took a shower and was confused by all the pink fuzz in the tub. Then I remembered we all shotgunned beers in there last night.
Ahahahahahaha!!! When fruit goes “bad”… watch out for his banana. via @ChasRunner:
If that’s not awesome sauce, I have no freaking idea what is.
But @12minds does:
Happy Tuesday!
{ 89 comments }
I clearly suck at Twitter, because I totally missed your suggestion. Kathy Griffin? Ugh.
But your ‘mos would love it! You’ve already got the red hair…
Ahahaha…you’re my favorite twitterer. I can always count on you for a laugh
.
Thanks, love muffin.
Thank you for posting the banana image. I forwarded it to 30 people already. Delightful.
The EVIL in his face just makes it.
I need to start following more exciting ppl on twitter. You are one of the few who doesn’t tell me what she is having for lunch. I have twitter burn out.
That’s because if I twittered “Lean Cuisine” every day, I’d shoot myself.
All mine just say:
TWEET!
TWEET!
I think I’m doing it wrong.
Also, stop trying to mate with the geese. You’re gonna lose something precious one of these days…
That fruit picture is AWESOME. Priceless.
Pure, unadulterated, GOLD.
the tool academy one was my favorite, bar-none.
And it’s TRUE.
I hate that song sooo much but I still managed to sit through the whole video. Mostly because I didn’t have to look at Fergie’s orange face.
I’d actually never heard it before. #gettingoldandoutoftheloop
That video is awesome! and I also, hated that song until now. Thanks! great way to start my day!
Glad to help.
Well, in my defense, I’m so lame I don’t have access to Internet on my phone, and what’s the point at Twittering if it’s not from your phone?
Oh, you don’t need the internet! You just text it.
I keep waiting to catch the Twitter bug. But, it just ain’t biting…
NOM.
I’m scared of the things we tweet. Yeah, I said we.
And I spit out my water when I read your sensible underoos tweet…because I felt the exact same way.
I’m wearing them right now, too. They’re so… SUPPORTIVE.
I have to work on my twittering skillz. I haven’t fully gotten the hang of it yet. Nick, oddly enough, took to it like a fish to water.
I didn’t know Nick was on the Twatter! Handle?
Oh and your tweets are always great!
xoxo
That video made my head hurt, if only for the fact that there must have been a lot of planning involved.
I thought that too. SO impressive.
ohFuck! i damn loled and shit over that fruit pic, if i was disgustingly wealthy i would hire you as my cheererupper…luckily i get you for free on thishere blog
but if you worked for me in person i’d get to see that suave pants-adjust-break-beat move so i’m missing out on that. i’m imagining it is somewhat like the “brush your shoulder off” move. yeah! thats it, its your new signature move girl…gwanwichobadsef.
“Gwanwichobadsef”?? I am SO stealing that.
And I would like to try on that Levi for size. He looks like a slim fit to me.
You totally have the hots for Bristol’s baby daddy.
That’s it. I’m adding you on Twitter.
Yesssssssss. FTW!
What a downer song those French college students picked for the video. I just want to stay home on the couch now.
I want to do that every day, anyway.
i remember reading the organgia tweet and laughing out loud because i think the very same thing. haha
Oran-GYNA!!!!!!
“Dear Tool Academy: If I had a penis, I would soooo stick it in you… apple pie style.”
I almost RTeed that last night, um, but I was actually too busy watching Tool Academy. On the Internet. YES! I admit it! THAT SHOW IS SO BRILLIANT THAT I GO OUT OF MY WAY TO STREAM IT ONLINE!
Giant Tool…
Guy Liner Tool…
Tat-Tool…
I miss Tiny Tool.
Holy crap. I’m a tool…
Hipster Tool!
I have to admit I am a Twitter junkie. If I am not tweeting I am definitely reading it, mine is always up. This is sad but I think all of the ones you listed above I read, see pathetic, I need a life!
Twitter is an addiction. For reals.
Oh my god! I actually got the picture that you have of the fruit as an email and I mistakenly forwarded to my boyfriend. He most definitely uploaded it to snapfish to have it printed and now it’s framed for everyone to see in our office!
I don’t follow anyone on Twitter but if I did, you would be the one!
Aww. I’ll take that as a compliment!
If I Tweeted, I would definitely follow you.
<3
I need to become a twatter to follow your twitter. That’s some funny shit, love the tool academy one. No clue how M and I got sucked into that shitty show.
TOLD YOU SO.
Your tweets always make my day, my dear.
ps. orangina made me laugh too. Do we laugh for the same reason I thought we do?:p
You know it!
I too, am all set with those Jeniffer’s Body previews. It’s not good. No amount of wasted TV time is going to fix that.
Thank the baby Jeebus for DVR.
“I just adjusted my jeans… and B assumed it was me trying to dance. God, I am white.”
Hahaha. LOVE that.
The banana picture is kinda scary.
The sad part is, he was dead serious.
Wow, those definitely made me laugh! My tweets now seem infinitely boring.
Well, this WAS the cream of the crop.
Already follow and enjoy, but I missed some of the quoted ones, so it was a nice little recap for me.
Aww. Love you!
Do you have find you need more than 140?
YES. But I’m also kinda anti-using more than one tweet to explain something. If it needs 4 tweets, it’s either A) a blog post or B) not important enough to share.
Totally just requested to follow you on Twitter. I’m in love.
Yes you did, and right back atcha!
iM not cool enought to cut it on twitter, but you at least seem entertaining. Most of the people I know on there are boring, dreadfully so
*whispers* I know.
I have been srsly slacking on the Twitter.
I need to get back on that shit b/c its so much fun! I love your updates :O)
Do it do it!
I follow you and @ChasRunner, yet somehow I missed that picture. I’m not concentrating on Twitter hard enough.
It’s priceless, no?
I already follow you on the twit machine. My favorite one has definitely been: It kind of makes me want to go do a keg stand and puke out of a moving cab.
It’s still on my To Do List, too.
Vag hair lip! YES! I’d like to join in on partial credit for that disgustingness. Good old Joaquin and his vag hair lip…on his FACE! Muahahaha!
Are you saying you were the one who searched for that? Because I don’t think we can be friends anymore.
I kid, I kid. I have no lines.
oh how i love the twitter
Me, too. xo
I think you need to do a big group lip-sync of “White Wedding” at your upcoming b-day/wedding thingy.
Oooo. Can I wear guyliner?
HA, I cant believe you said tough noogies. Reminds me of my sister in the 80’s.
I debated, and then I went for it. I gotta do me.
TWSS.
The problem with puking out of a moving cab is splash-back. That’s why instead I puke on rollercoasters, if you turn your head to the side you only hit the people behind you, and the ones behind them, and the ones behind…
Now there’s a ride I would actually BUY the $20 picture from.
That Orangina shit is nasty. Did you ever try it? No offense to the orange loving lesbos.
Did that make any sense?
I love your tweets.
Of course it did, because our souls are one.
xoxo
And now we know who might win that contest!
but whatever the outcome, we want pictures
Oh, I promise. There will be hard evidence.
Haha, your blog is great! I am going to have to follow you on Twitter now!!
Hi, I love you!
I would rather have monkey poo too! Really, why do they keep showing that damn preview????
I haven’t tweeted in months. Maybe I’ll start again soon so I can read all of your wonderful randomness!
Do it do it!
LOL! Ahhh…good lunchtime laughs!
Glad to make you smile.
Happy Tuesday indeed…is it HUMP DAY YET??
So close. Can’t you taste it?!
Funny. I never think about being funny when posting to Twitter. Guess I will now.
–Matt Bamberg, author, http://www.amazon.com/Quick-Secrets-Create-Winning-Photographs/dp/1598639021
Everyone’s got their own style. I call mine “retardulous”.
I need to shift away from the mundane on twitter and up the funny/irreverent. That said, I love your tweets. They always entertain.
The mundane KILLS me. Blech.
its sad that I remember about 75% of this stuff. and yeah an old lady said Tough Noogies to me in the checkout line last sunday- highlight of my day!
Did you just call me an old lady?
It’s funny because it’s true.
Your tweets are always hilarious
) Thanks !
Also, that video .. aww. so proud of my fellow citizen
No words, there are no words, lol. MTL represent. lol.
Totally and completely BAD ASS.
i totally forgot to reply to you on twitter and as you…
why the fuck would you be buying sensible underwear yet???????
All my bras were falling apart or bright pink. Neither is great for work.
DON’T JUDGE.
Hiya, I added ya. Not sure, this may be the first I’ve commented, but anyways, love the blog, always enjoy reading your hilarious posts.
Well yay! And hello! Glad to have you here.
I remember laughing at the tweets re: B thinking you were dancing and your whore cat. I was like [girlfriend's actual name, girlfriend's actual name], come look! Look at [your actual name]’s genius!
My moves ARE genius.
After about 8 tequila shots.
And also, only in my head.
I, for one, would like to hug you for offering that bit about primate feces being a pleasant alternative to any further subjection to Jennifer’s Body.
SERIOUSLY. Megan Fox, you are nothing special. There, I said it.
I’ve never seen Orangina in California. Sad Face : (
See followed by the actual sad face and frown makes it genuine.
Seriously, you make me crack the hell up everytime I read your twits (tweets? twitters? twitoos?)
I was going to say see your twits but that sounded dirty.
You know I like it dirty.
I guess I should starting tweeting or twatting or whatever.
And that video reminds me that pink unitards never look good on guys, even if you live in Montreal.
Never, ever.
But it’s still SO funny.
I guess I will have to subscribe to your tweets since your blog updates DON’T EVEN SHOW UP IN MY GOOGLE READER ANYMORE!
I’m not mad.
You probably need to resubscribe! Click HERE!!!
The word “retardulous” makes my Orangina tingle a little.
LOL
Ahahahahahaha!!!!!
Twittering from the phone is def a great way to tweet.
Sent you a request to follow… LauraBlue58
I do like to laugh
And just like that… they were friends.
i completely sucked at updating twitter.. so i canceled the account (YIKES! right, i know)… but now i’m wondering if maybe i’m missing something after all…lol!!
It’s all in who you follow…
That video is great! Makes me wish I was still in College…or are they in High School…? Man, now I feel like the old person who thinks everyone looks 18.
I know. I wanna say college, but I can’t tell anymore, either…
Hahahaha…I’m never going to look at a banana the same way again! Also, I’m pretty sure my “adjusting pants dancing” is way better than my real dancing. That’s sad.
Me too. Sad face.
Dammit, I did it again!
You know sometimes you can say so much in 140 characters or less! Lol
It is an art form.
You are awesome sauce. I can’t believe I’m missing the wedding. Dammit. I’ll be guzzling beer in your honor.
You better be.
Oh, LiLu, I am old. I still have not jumped on the Twittering business.
You’re also busy right now! No free hands to tweet with…
can we be best friends please? your tweets/posts always make me laugh. man i need to come visit dc already.
I CONCUR.
My twat apologizes to your twat.
My twat accepts in an elegant fashion.
I just said out loud to Mike… There are a lot of bloggers out there that post youtube videos, but LiLu is the one that consistently posts ones that I end up loving. And then I watched that video, which was very enjoyable. And I like your tweets too.
Awww. I always wonder if I’m the only person who thinks this ridiculous stuff is AWESOME. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone!
I’m already a happy tweep of yours!
Tweet tweet!
That video was AWESOME!
I thought so.
I was drinking heavily after the root canal.. what the f*** did I just miss? If it’s not a biggie, press on with more important issues!
I’m confused.
But then, that’ll happen…
This is why I wake up in the morning and check my twitter before brushing my teeth. Or peeing. Or putting on clothes.
To be fair, I do get a diet coke first. Without it, twitter would make no sense.
So, so true.
Your tweets always make me laugh during the day, which I need at work.
Work’s for the birds, man.
“Today, I bought sensible underwear for the first time in my life. It kind of makes me want to go do a keg stand and puke out of a moving cab.” SOOOOO HILARIOUS!!!!!!! kindred spirits, def.
And that video is absurd.
In an awesome way, though, right?
I will admit your tweet make me chuckle from time to time. Then I have to cover it up in my office like I’m coughing uncontrollably and it’s wonderfully awkward.
Also, a little jeal I didn’t think up that MC Hammer thing…does this mean I’m out of the running for sweet, sweet tea vodka? Damn.
“Wonderfully awkward”: it’s what I do.
I have you on twatter. I can’t get through the day without my infusion of Lilu.
Awww. Love!
I was doing it for a spell and then got bored…or just didn’t have enough clever things to say….my purpose on twitter is to make my sister laugh while she’s at work..
Aw. You’re a good sis!
Twitter (and life) wouldn’t be the same without you.
Was that too creepy? Not enough?
Juuuuuuuuuust right.
OMG girl, I’m crying ok, FREAKIN CRYING from laughing so much!!! oh and my belly hurts a lil’.
I am soooo following you and adding the stalkery thingy where I get your tweets as texts, cause I need to read this AS it happens. OMG. Can’t wait for my days to be better.
Haha! I only hope I live up to your expectations.
Watch out for the banana! rofl, that just made my day…
It’s so damn WELL DONE, too.
That banana picture made my day!
Woot!
Totally loved your tweet about ripping off your ankle bandage during sexy time, saw it when you posted it and I just loled. =]
right on, right on. no judgin goin on here… just curious, thats all….
and really, unless you are SHOWING them the bra & panties…. who says they have to be sensible??? lol
Lol…your posts add a good edge to my day…def keeps me interested and laughing…
I am a Twitteraholic. LOL
Dude, that WAS me! Shit, I thought I was better concealed than that. Next time I’ll find a better hiding spot than your bushes.
I heart twitter
I do love your tweets. That I do. (This comment sucks.)
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