I’ve long since thought about starting up another blog devoted solely to absolutely inane brilliant retardulously hilarious conversations I have with my friends, whether it’s on gchat trying to get each other through the day, brainstorming WYR Wednesdays and TMI Thursdays over brunch, or just plain drunk and playing our favorite game, Trying to Out-Shock Each Other!
(Just FYI? Don’t even try this with me and Maxie. Especially right after having eaten lunch.)
ANYHOO, I then realized that a) I am too lazy to actually start another blog, b) who really needs yet another url to put into their reader, and c) B will kill me if I give myself reason to spend more time on the interwebs.
So here we have it, bloggy cohorts. The crazy stuff my friends and I contribute to the world, to the tune of The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.
Warning: Most of this is bordering on the wildly offensive. That’s just how we roll. (Maybe I’ll finally get that troll I’ve been after…)
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me: there is this boy touching his eye repeatedly in the cafeteriagrossLexa: ewme: wtf… he is violently poking it where is his supervisor??Lexa: is that a fireable offenseme: no, he just looks like he should have “a person”Lexa: like those kids in school who got an aide?me: exactlyLexa: is he wearing a helmetme: like he might bite youif he thought you would steal his pogsLexa: oh dearhe eats paste im sureme: it’s ok. it’s nutritious
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me: i feel so bad that we left early last nightMaxie: i know, me toome: if only francobeans and miss bianca had been there!Maxie: seriously. they’re like my viagra… they always keep me up.
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shine: I got an email from a dude about my threesome post. “You just ruined threesomes for me. Why do you want to make me cry?”me: HAHAHAHAHA why?shine: I suppose because it wasn’t all porny.More awkward.me: i‘ll take funny over porny any dayshine: Then he said, “Next you’ll be telling me that when you girls get together you don’t have pillow fights in your underwear.I felt like I should reassure him, though, so I told him we do have pillow fights in our underwear. Then we play Twister.me: in a tub of chocolate puddingshine: Yes! It has to be pudding.What’s with these people who think it should be jello?me: that’s so funnyi almost typed jello bc it’s stereotypicalbut then in my head i was allNOPUDDING!!!shine: PUDDING.me: no bill cosby though.shine: Yeah, I don’t really need Bill in my sexy wrestling time.Actually, pudding is a Jello product.And he was more about the brand.I think he’d hang.me: HA. this just officially docked in weirdville.population: usoh. and bill.he’s wearing a cosby sweatershine: Always.I can’t say I‘ve ever had a conversation that included pudding wrestling, Twister, and Bill Cosby.me: FTW.
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me: you are getting some tonight. work those skinny jeans, girl.maxie: please save his sperm. we still need a sample.lexa: i will store it in my cheek like a chipmunk.
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Happy weekend, my lovelies!!! Monday I will be coming at you from my glorious new apartment… AKA want to kill myself because I just spent an entire weekend- in AUGUST- moving.
Sigh.
{ 91 comments }
entertaining as always!
xoxo
From this point forward, I will store all important ‘samples’ in my cheek like a chipmunk.
It’s the mature thing to do, I think.
.-= Tracey´s last blog ..I’m a Paranoid Bitch – Getting Jumped and Vampires =-.
Lol hilarious!!! I love looking back over old conversations on MSN or Gmail!
My friend and I went through a phase where we wrote down all the funny things we did and said during a night out ….but then we realised we actually had to do some work in college and stopped (just the night out note making, not the actual going out part)!
By “doing work in college”, you mean “endless tequila shots at the bar”… right?
Oh this new section is sure to be entertaining. How do you translate the gchat steamer to your blog?
Ooooo. I think we might have to do a screen shot for that…
.-= justjp´s last blog ..Living Wicked indeed =-.
Is he wearing a helmet?
hahahah
I should probably bring one in for him.
ClearlyArguably, he needs it more than I do..-= Allison´s last blog ..Friday Fodder =-.
Lol @Chipmunk!
Start another blog, and publish that draft for gods sake, wimp!
Shhhh. Everyone else has forgotten about that!
Pogs?! Oh god I’d forgotten about those.
Happy moving!
Thanks, love!
.-= A Super Girl´s last blog ..What’s in my… =-.
Last year I dedicated an ENTIRE WEEK on my blog to pudding and Daniel Day-Lewis. I called it PADDL Week (Pudding And Daniel Day-Lewis). The Coz got a few sweet shout-outs.
I should really have another PADDL Week, the 2009 edition.
I will so play along. Mmmmm… Gangs of New York…
.-= Racquel Valencia´s last blog ..Ain’t No Party Like A Meme Party =-.
I felt like I should reassure him, though, so I told him we do have pillow fights in our underwear. Then we play Twister.
I went to an all women’s college and I got this A LOT. Pudding would definitely be better.
Right?? I mean jello is cool because you can make shots with it… but who’s to say a little Bailey’s in the pudding wouldn’t go a long way?
.-= Jeney´s last blog ..TMI Thursday – Exposing Myself =-.
You know, I’m pretty sure that sperm thing is going to pop into my head everytime I hear about chipmunks with big ‘ol cheeks now…
You guys are hilarious
Good luck moving!!
Or maybe you’ll think about CHIPMUNKS when you’re…
Never mind.
.-= Taylor´s last blog ..Why Yes, I am a Scaredy Cat! =-.
One of these days people are really going to figure out we are BAD PEOPLE.
Also, my cheeks hurt.
Honestly… I can’t believe we haven’t been smited yet. (Smit?)
.-= Lemmonex´s last blog ..I’m Vlogging, Yo =-.
LMAO @ sperm in the cheek comment. HILARIOUS.
I almost choked when I got that email. KEEPER.
.-= Margarita´s last blog ..Weigh-in #3 =-.
Chipmunks don’t swallow?!?!
They’re not whores, like those slutty squirrels.
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Burnin’ Down the House =-.
Hahaha. Love those conversations.
I JUST wrote about someone who needs “a person” and I was trying to not be TOO offensive and kept it tame, but OH DO I wish I could write HOW very special the young man is!
Good Luck Moving! ugh. Just *pass out* or *get sick* from all the heat and dust and make B do it all!
I would, but last time we moved from TWO places into ONE on his BIRTHDAY in AUGUST while he had STREP THROAT. So, I may have to cut him some slack this time…
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..I Email How I Talk? =-.
Everything you say reminds me of a story…
When getting tested to see if my vasectomy worked, you must bring in a sample(less than two hours old). Handing a pretty receptionist a vial of your jizz, is to say the least- embarrassing… She then asks how old it was… I lived 8 minutes from the lab, and had my wife help me out- then jumped in the car and delivered it. So I tell her, about 10 minutes old…she looks at me like I’d been getting busy with myself in the parking lot!
I’m not even sure how this reminded you of that, but I am so, SO glad it did.
HILARIOUS!!! I love the Cosby photo too!
It was too perfect not to use. If only he’d been wearing a sweater…
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Freaky (Funny!) Friday =-.
That last one was definitely my favorite.
And here I thought your conversations with B would be hard to top…
I am just full of surprises.
.-= Liebchen´s last blog ..TGIF =-.
Hilarious!! I love the randomness of conversations with friends!!
There’s nothing like getting to the point where you know you can’t offend someone any longer. Dangerous things happen…
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..I LOVE…Fridays! =-.
Hilarious. Dare I ask what the sperm sample was for?
Good luck moving! UHaul’s moving service is not so bad, fyi, in case you decide it’s worth it (I think it is, but I’m also lazy). And there won’t be any broken furniture. Or limbs.
Oh, we are totally Uhauling. 7am, baby.
.-= Vie´s last blog ..Choosing When to Set Fire to Myself (Or, About Last Night) =-.
the chipmunk cheek comment is KILLING me! hilARious.
good luck with the move!
Thanks, love. xoxo
.-= Lusty Reader´s last blog ..Hodgepodge of Western Romance, BBAW awards, and thoughts on Blue Diablo =-.
“Maxie: seriously. they’re like my viagra… they always keep me up.”
Hahahaah! Best line ever! She needs to copyright that STAT.
I know. Can we consider this copyrighting? My blog is pretty official and shit.
.-= Marie´s last blog ..Downtown =-.
I always tend to move in August. Why do we pick the hottest months of the year to move? At least I have a house now…no moving for awhile.
I know. Fortunately, the chance that we will be moving next year is 0.00000001%, so that’s good.
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Ms. CEW!!!! =-.
lol. sounds like me and my friends. and hey if you wanna ever talk, add me on gchat. im always on. =) between 830-5pm (yes my working hrs) hahah
Luckyyyyy. I’m 8-5:30! But I do get every other Friday off…. HEAVEN.
.-= Nickie.´s last blog ..Things I Really Freakin Want! =-.
I love saving funny conversations! It’s hysterical to go back and read on a rainy day…lol!
Rainy day, lazy Friday, all of the above…
I like the shocking conversations with friends (usually for me it’s when out at lunch with depraved work friends).
You know it has been funny when you can honestly say ‘No one has ever talked about that before, seriously.’
You have no idea how frequently that sentence is uttered in my conversations.
.-= eric´s last blog ..Cement Mistakes and the Grave of Peter =-.
Cosby would totally be down for some pudding wrestling. He’d probably fight dirty, though.
Dirty? Get it? Pudding??
Me < ----- dork
.-= Badass Geek´s last blog ..In Which I Am Burnt Out =-.
I am a HUGE fan of posting conversations I’ve had with my friends. Because they are often hilariously inappropriate. In fact, my latest post is about prostitution and weddings. My friend Kane likes to connect the two. I love inappropriate convos. The ones you have posted here made me laugh!
I’m so glad!
That Chipmunk comment has me LOL. Love it!
Good luck w/ the move. Moves are always better w/ lots of cold beer and pizza. With lots of cheese. And hopefully some garlic cream sauce to dip the crust in. And maybe even some cheesy breadsticks. With some marinara. Ok. Now I’m hungry.
You are lucky I ate breakfast for once, woman…
.-= Kellie´s last blog ..Good news, everybody, we’re extending arts and crafts time by four hours today. =-.
Fing hoolarious!!!!
Thank you, thank you.
.-= Kristen´s last blog ..But I wanna win! =-.
Pogs!? I can’t believe they came up in an inappropriate conversation.
Also, viagra reference by maxie is pretty superb =)
I know. I died when she said it. In the good way.
.-= Nora´s last blog ..128 =-.
Lilu, have ever thought experimenting using tumblr for your conversations? They literally have an option to post “conversations”. It’s quick, and easy, and um environmentally friendly…
http://timoteosays.tumblr.com/
Like I said, if I open myself up to one more social networking site, I think I will explode…
.-= timoteo´s last blog ..How burned cinnamon buns signified the end of college =-.
I think the dr. might wonder why your and maxie’s child sample has saliva in it? Or are you turkey basting it?
I can see it now: TMI Thursday: We’re Turkey-Basting It.
.-= Nikki´s last blog ..Flashback Friday: Celebrity Sightings =-.
why go to all the trouble of storing samples? Just steal a kid- there’s tons of ‘em in my neighborhood- what flavor you want?- I’ll send you one.
The comment that I wish to make in response to this is too offensive even for me.
.-= repliderium.com´s last blog ..The Vote In Afghanistan =-.
Wow those are some “interesting” conversations. I bet there’s some people out there who have blogged your conversations after eavesdropping. LOL
Ha! I wonder… is there an “overheard on the metro” site?
.-= HannahBlue´s last blog ..Next couple days-Bug Zoo and Whale Watching =-.
reading this made it easy to start my day…
Aw, thanks love. xo
.-= caroline´s last blog ..15 is a wonderful age! =-.
You are hilarious as usual.
YOU ahr!
.-= Kristina P.´s last blog ..I Would Like To Buy a Bowel, Please =-.
Good luck with the move!! Have lots of cold beer on hand. =)
Pizza and beer will get us through this.
.-= mandy´s last blog ..Dog/House Sitting =-.
how do you get any work done? ever?
LOL
Shhhhhhh. Work is for wussies.
.-= Mich´s last blog ..Live. =-.
I feel kind of awesome that I made it into this post. But I still think the day that I called you the Seasonale period takes the cake.
Also, pudding wrestling rules. I need to do it immediately.
I was trying to work that in somehow. Next time…
.-= shine´s last blog ..It’s Friday, we should break up – Dating =-.
wow-what at smattering of hilarious topics: Bill Cosby, pogs, sperm samples…
hope the move goes well!
It is messy inside my brain.
And thanks
.-= Miss Procras.´s last blog ..Miss Procras. and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad WEEK =-.
Gchat is the best! I love being totally offensive and not worrying what someone may say or think about me. Besides, my girls know I’m mostly kidding, kind of… I think everyone says offensive things its just a matter of who’s listening and who cares. Happy Friday!
I know. Sometimes I think I should put it “off the record”, but then I wouldn’t be able to search through them later for the funnies…
I wonder if lady chipmunks already do that… I mean the prudish ones who don;t want to swallow, but don’t want to be impolite and spit it out right in front of the boy chipmunk.
Now THAT needs a stick figure drawing.
.-= Soda & Candy´s last blog ..Racist dog food commercial. =-.
Chipmunk cheek. ahahahahaha. You could do TMIT for Lexa. Out of the mouth of Lexa. Perfect.
“Out of the mouth”… GETTIT?
.-= Desiree Aubigny´s last blog ..Work Fart =-.
I still have the sperm in my freezer. Am I supposed to be the one getting pregnant? I’m not sure I’m okay with not drinking for 9 months.
Let’s just get hedgehogs. They don’t mind if we drink.
.-= Maxie´s last blog ..Peep Show =-.
lexa: i will store it in my cheek like a chipmunk.
buhahahahahahaha
it is officially my dream to one day hang out with you guys!
Make it happen, lady. Make. It. HAPPEN.
This one is getting a lot of play…because it’s fucking awesome.
“I will store it in my cheek like a chipmunk”
I need to start being way more offensive on gchat, I want to make the next edition. So watch out…watch out you little hooker.
Srsly..boo to moving in August. Please drink heavily once you are even remotely settled. LOVE YOU BITCH!
Offensive is the key to my heart. Everyone knows this. xoxo
.-= Elizabeth Marie´s last blog ..And We’ll All Float On Ok…. =-.
The Chipmunk cheeks will be forever burned into my memory now…thank you lilu & lexa! : )
We are givers.
.-= Lil’ Woman´s last blog ..She Knows Me To Well… =-.
LOL the last one is kinda ew but hilarious!
It can easily be both.
Holy cannoli e this is seriously funnier than the Shiz your boyfriend says and must make a regular appearance.
“store it in my cheek like a chipmunk” That just killed me : D
She is priceless. I’ll keep her around.
Pogs!! Ha ha hahaha!!
I KNOW I just took you back.
.-= BeckEye´s last blog ..I’m Baaa-ack Like a Poltergeist, Bitches =-.
The last one cracked me up. Then I pictured it…and was seriously grossed out!
Yup… that’s about right.
.-= Loys´s last blog ..I’m looking forward to Christmas already =-.
Me and my mates always say we need to hire a stenographer to dictate what we say….
“yes your honor, at 10:30 Mr. X stated he would kill them and eat their livers”
Have you seen this?
.-= Jimmy´s last blog ..A Roll Of The Dice =-.
Oh don’t complain about moving- you’re going to love your new place!
.-= Patrick´s last blog ..Being That Blogger Friend =-.
All my feelings on this post flew out the window when I clicked on Shine’s blog.
.-= Patrick´s last blog ..Being That Blogger Friend =-.
hahaha pudding had me rolling…totally keep this up, love it
.-= hanako66´s last blog ..Etsy Wednesday on Thursday – Wedding Edition =-.
I love this! Keep it up… I was cracking up through the entire thing. Great way to end a friday. Have an awesome weekend.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..CBK =-.
OMG .. that last thing by Lexa just out-grossed (uhm..almost..) everything that’s ever been published on this blog !
I gotta say I was sceptical about this “friends” version of the shiz but it’s unbelievably funny .. why did I ever doubt it ?! You are one of the funniest and hang out with some crazies (Loveit) !!! xoxox A.
.-= Aritza, goddess of ..´s last blog ..Goddess of .. Top 10 things : While You Were Out edition ! =-.
Ya know, you may be on to something with the pudding wrestling – just think for pervy man who sets up a pudding ring for wrestling, world hunger could become non-existent and JELLO shareholders could become rich…
You’re such a caring person…
.-= littlemsblogger´s last blog ..Rant and Rave Wednesday =-.
you guys are weird.
In a funny love you way.
Still weird.
Wildly offensive is great.
I grew up wildly offensive. Is there any other way? lol. Personally, I think it’s an awesome attitude to have, and really….it’s not easy for just anyone to pull off.
.-= sheila´s last blog ..One Down, Two to Go =-.
haha the bill cosby one is the best, love it.
good luck moving!!
.-= katelin´s last blog ..World travelers. =-.
you seriously crack me up!!
.-= l.o.v.´s last blog ..extra =-.
LMFAO!!!!!!!! You have awesome friends! Storing it in her cheek like a chipmunk? AWESOME!! hahaha
.-= Cass´s last blog ..Monkey Eggs with Acne Weather Dear So and So… =-.
Awesomeness. All of it. And thanks for introducing me to Shine. I’d never read a story about someone who’d so apathetically participated in a threesome. Hilarity.
.-= Colby´s last blog ..So this one won’t be funny or sarcastic, just news =-.
After reading what your friends have to say, I’m firing all of mine.
.-= blueviolet´s last blog ..Guess What? I’m Bringin’ It! =-.
The pudding HAS to be vanilla. Chocolate is waaay too “2girls1cup” for me.
And I’m getting on the “I Have To Hang Out With You” train. I’ll be the one with the senior’s discount. Heh….
.-= Kris´s last blog ..The Shiz My Kids Say =-.
OK, 3rd time trying to post comment. Here goes:
The pudding HAS to be vanilla. Chocolate is waaaaaaaay too 2 girls 1 cup for me.
Also, I’m getting on the “I Want To Hang Out With You” train. I’ll be the one with the senior’s discount…. Heh…..
.-= Kris´s last blog ..The Shiz My Kids Say =-.
“Yeah, I don’t really need Bill in my sexy wrestling time.Actually, pudding is a Jello product.And he was more about the brand.I think he’d hang.”
Can’t.Stop.Laughing.
Thanks for the intro to Shine, that was an awesome post! And um, don’t lift anything too heavy, k?
omg. HYSTERICAL.
i was kind of chanting “short bus” under my breath during this post.
.-= mar´s last blog ..familial bliss: part 1 =-.
LMAO! I love this new feature…keep it up, please! I don’t know why you didn’t think of this sooner!
Oh, and moving definitely blows balls. I’m doing it, too…still have crotch-pull pains from doing the splits on the stairs. It’s a long story.
.-= Zandria´s last blog ..A TMI Thursday Two-fer =-.
You should put all of these, and the shiz your Boyfriend says into an anthology – I’m sure it’d sell better than that new Weird Family Photos one!!
.-= Jennifer – Somewhere In Between´s last blog ..Doing My Part To Save The Economy, One Bargain Book At A Time =-.
Funny stuff! you all must be an absolute riot to hang with!
.-= georgie´s last blog ..Todays Post brought to you by ‘Keywords’ =-.
Haha! Some random blogger asked me about girls having pillow fights in our underwear too… What other generalizations do people have nowadays??
.-= nashe´s last blog ..Bedridden =-.
NEW LIFE GOAL: Be featured on this. I’ll make it happen, cap’n.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Things I’m Thankful For Friday… =-.
Can’t wait to see pics of the new place!
And you ladies have me ROFL consistently. Thank you for that.
.-= emma´s last blog ..Pleasure Finds Friday: Fire Extinguisher =-.
Dude. You are my viagra. You keep me up with the crazy shiz that is your life!
” . . . looks like he should have “a person” . . . ”
love it – stealing it!
.-= clairemontgomerymd´s last blog ..sorry to disappoint the freaks =-.
Hahaha! I love funny conversations, and yours are pretty much the best. I’m too bad at remembering mine. Plus, the awkwardness usually stems from a misunderstanding. Hope you’re having a good weekend!
.-= Brooke´s last blog ..What I’m Wearing =-.
Firstly, I’m not a boy, I’m a man. Secondly, I was trying to sort out my contact lens, the damn thing had got grit under it.
I just stumbled across your blog & love it! So fresh & funny!
~Jo
http://lifestylebohemia.blogspot.com
.-= Jo´s last blog ..RVCA Look Book =-.
So funny… !!! Oddly, I’m left with a craving for pudding????
.-= Gabbi´s last blog ..3-Dimensional Post =-.
You have more fun than anyone i know, at least I think so. It could just be that you are so good at telling it. No, I think you really do. Hey, at least it rained and cooled things down this weekend, right?
.-= Elaine Haley´s last blog ..Wasn’t that a Mighty Storm =-.
Hahaha! I don’t know why people automatically think Jell-O either. Pudding is so much easier to deal with!
.-= Britt´s last blog ..Letter to the Producer =-.
“I will store it in my cheek like a chipmunk”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Your friends are hysterical.
And I HATE moving in August. I’ve done it 3 times. It suckkkkks worse than a freshman girl at senior prom.
.-= Siovhan´s last blog ..best friend friday, mini me =-.
Haha, this is so entertaining!
.-= Wonderful´s last blog ..Pre-Birthday Weekend Recap =-.
Store it in your cheek like a chipmunk? No!!!
hahah
.-= Mel – Just Fine and Dandy´s last blog ..Sunday Night Blues =-.
um. So sorry for all the double comments. EEEeeeekkkkk.
.-= Kris´s last blog ..The Shiz My Kids Say =-.
That’s Too nice, when it comes in india hope it can make a Rocking place for youngster.. hope that come true.
As long as I get credit for my awesome (disgusting) invention. I’m a gchat Michelangelo. Or else just someone who figures out how to make poop-based emoticons…
They are one and the same, my dear. One and the same.
I think about my stolen pogs all the time. Screw the bitch who stole them out of my 3rd grade desk! She took my totally awesome slammer!
Slammer? I think I’m late to the pogs scene.
.-= Desiree Aubigny´s last blog ..Work Fart =-.
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