Seeing as my lovah turned 21 for the sixth time yesterday, I think it’s only natural that we pay tribute with an installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We’re walking home from work, and I’m hauling ass because the light at the end of the tunnel is Happy Hour. (Oh, who am I kidding… we all know I’m a competitive street walker.) Suddenly I notice B’s not at my side and turn to see him a solid three paces behind.
Me: Come on, baby, let’s go! [I pretend to tug on an imaginary string.]
B: I’m not on no leash! I POOP WHERE I WANT!!!!
Me: [blink.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s Sunday night, and B’s friends are coming over to steal our moving boxes and see the new apartment.
Me: Quick, baby, turn on the light so it doesn’t look like we’re sitting here in the dark boozing.
B: It’s okay! It’s not boozing… it’s HBO.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Standing (sweltering) on the street in Boston, waiting for his parents to come down from their hotel.
B: We should move to the shady side of the street.
Me: We could just move over two feet to that patch of shade.
B: No no no. This is INTERMITTENT shade. I want PURE shade. You’ll see.
(As soon as we cross the street…)
Me: Ohhhh, you were right.
B: I know. I don’t know much, but I *know* shade.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sitting on the couch goofing off.
B: Look how steady my hand is. I’m like a goddamn surgeon!
Me: Oooo. You should give me a pedicure.
B: No way. I’ll give you an appendectomy if you want, but no pedicures!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sitting on the couch goofing off… again. (Yes, this is 90% of what we do. What’s your point?)
B: The Eagles are playing tonight… you have some interwebbing you can do, right?
Me: Sure. (pause) What if I didn’t have something else I could do while you watched “smart TV” and sports? That would be bad, man.
B: I know. That’s why I was so supportive of the blog from the beginning.
Me: What? So you were guaranteed time to watch football??
B: Yeah. Totally. I even talked to Jill Pilgrim’s husband about it and he said the same thing. It’s genius.
Me: ………………
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night, you guessed it… on the couch.
Me: I love every inch of you. (Shuttup, it’s his birthday, I can be schmoopy.)
B: I love every CENTIMETER of you!!! Boo yah! One-upped you!!!
Me: You’re such a romantic.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy Birthday, my love!
{ 110 comments }
Girl you need to learn. Pure shade is pure gold. Intermittent shade is a bit like going away on a walking weekend, doing your back in on the first day and then getting food poisoning in hospital from a prawn sandwich, the disappointment from intermittent shade is incomparable.
Wow. Is this a dude thing?
Shooot. Now every time I walk in shade I’m going to wonder whether it’s “pure” or not.
Happy birthday, B!
(p.s. Sunday night….HBO….”True Blood”???????)
DUH. And Mad Men. Sundays RAWK.
Hannah´s last blog ..These, our changing years.
Happy Birthday B! That’s a great photo! What is he looking at?
The gorgeous horizon of Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica. Two months… two months…
HannahBlue´s last blog ..Are they really monsters?
Your boyfriend and I are only a day apart on the birthday front.
Minus, you know, the other 15 years…but whatever.
What’s creepy though is that, based on that picture, we both enjoy pissing in the ocean.
Score.
You could tell from the dreamy glint in his eye, eh?
moooooog35´s last blog ..The Unveiling of Mrs. Moog
WEST VIRGINIA!!!! MOUNTAIN MAMA!!! COUNTRY ROADS . . . TAKE ME HOME!!!! tee hee. Thanks for the follow!
Ahahaha. If only Maxie wasn’t lounging in the Outerbanks and could see this.
Tricia´s last blog ..Another beautiful week . . .
You two are so sweet my teef hurt.
And B’s got The Wit. Awesome.
I’ll keep him around.
Kris´s last blog ..And, no, my last name isn’t Kervorkian.
Blogging as a method of keeping your lady busy while you watch sports? You can’t deny the simple intelligence behind this line of thinking…
I know. He is wily, this one…
verybadcat´s last blog ..How It Is
Apparently B and Jill Pilgrim’s hubby passed on the TV benefits of blogging to DD during their bromance at the Globe. He seems a lot more accepting of my need for blog time these days
They must’ve had a pow wow over those shots…
A Super Girl´s last blog ..Unmotivated
I dunno man, my shade knowledge is pretty awesome. I may have to dance fight him for the title of SHADEMASTER.
You should get that tattooed across your knuckles. That’d clinch it.
Lemmonex´s last blog ..Help Me Out Here
It sounded like the “loving every inch of you” line was going to lead to material for a TMI Thursday post before he made the whole thing into a competition.
HA. I should have been more aware of the possibilities. Also, TWSS!
Warren´s last blog ..I Fought The Girl And The Girl Won
Happy Birthday B!!
The Shademaster. I wish I had shade knowledge like that.
And now I have a total mental image of B yelling “I POOP WHERE I WANT!”
It is emblazoned on my brain.
PQ´s last blog ..Things I Enjoy: August Edition
Awww… you two are all sorts of adorable! Happy Birthday B!
<3
Marie´s last blog ..Sugar Fragile
Happy Belated Birthday to B.
But it’s still technically his birthday in Canada. Because of the Metric system. Duh.
You just made my head all owie.
A´s last blog ..The Second Act
I don’t think my fiance has this knowledge about shade, unfortunately. Maybe it’s an American man thing? And, I’m kind of jealous of your situation. Blogging keeps you busy, while he watches sports….I need something to keep him busy, while I blog. I am out of ideas.
Hmmm. I vote for cooking… then you get dinner out of it, too!
Brooke´s last blog ..Flashback
loved em’ all… but seriously… that first one is truly priceless!!!!
I knew it was gold the minute I heard it.
Brown gold.
Randi´s last blog ..Not Normal…
well, happy birfday to B!
Thanks hon!
deutlich´s last blog ..Ha. ha. Ha.
Happy Birthday B, hope it was ah-may-ZING.
We ate delicious food, watched endless TV, and Wii-swordfought all day.
It was great.
LMFAO!!! that was a good laugh that I needed today!
I do what I can.
Cass´s last blog ..Today kinda blows
Happy birthday B!
<3
MJ´s last blog ..Giveaway at My Tea Cups in Peony
Happy birthday to your hilarious B!
Aw, thanks love.
Kristina P.´s last blog ..Ad-Nauseum
Wow … he is all kinds of awesome with those comments. He’s a knows-where-the-pure-shade-is-with-a-steady-hand-and-a-’poop-where-I-want-to’-attitude-kind-of-guy, clearly. Happy birthday to him, and thanks for sharing these
Happy to, my dear.
Nikolett´s last blog ..my simple smile
I have the phrase “I poop where I want” cross stitched on a throw pillow on our couch.
Yes, it is that important to me…
Dammit. His birthday was YESTERDAY! That would have been perfect.
Skylers Dad´s last blog ..Great moments in parenting
Happy Birthday B!
And Lilu, you need to learn to watch football! Football is awesome! Especially college football, which starts Thursday! YAY!
OK, I’m done exclamation pointing now.
Ech. I’ll fake it, but that’s as far as I go.
Mary´s last blog ..Ladies, Edumacate Your Men
B might be the first guy i know to prefer centimeters over inches.
Well, if you’re counting the same length, it SOUNDS like more…
cavy´s last blog ..oh, hell
awww, happy birthday B!
<3
Lexi´s last blog ..oh Canada!
Happy Birthday B!
The longer you two are together, the shorter that lease gets. He’ll learn. Then he’ll be pooping where YOU want.
Wait a minute…….leash……poop…..shade…..Is B really your dog?
Regardless B, do as she says, or she won’t let you bury your bone.
HA.
Ed Adams´s last blog ..FUNDAY…………..
He’s dreamy
I certainly think so.
The Peach Tart´s last blog ..Penis Man to the Rescue?
Happy Birthday B!
Football for blogging, eh? Sounds like LB and I, but instead it’s VWs for video games. =)
Oh, Madden was in the rotation too before his Xbox broke!
Nickie´s last blog ..Broke.Down 09.
You guys are so cute! Happy Birthday to your man!
Thanks, love.
Happy Birthday to B.
“I’ll poop where I want!” Genius.
He’s allllllll mine.
shine´s last blog ..I don’t really see the connection, but maybe it’s just me…
This post had me at “I poop where I want” LMAO. Note to self…don’t read your blog while at work where coworkers wonder why I’m laughing alone at my desk.
That’s what lunch hours are for.
Shannon´s last blog ..Blah Blah Blah
these boyfriend posts are friggen hilarious! l o v e t h e m!
Love YOU.
brooke´s last blog ..and that’s when the call came…
Dude, pure shade is totalllllly FTW.
Trust, I am a convert.
Vie´s last blog ..Adult? Who, Me? Volume I
I have a feeling the DC police might have a thing or two to say about that first one. Is there some way that I can say that I want to be your couch because then I would get to hear all this humor, but not sound like a total creepo? I doubt it, but if there is, consider that as part of the content of this comment.
Happy Birthday to B.
There’s nothing wrong with creepo. Maxie does it all the time.
Dani´s last blog ..It’s good that they’re not letting a little thing like being a zombie ruin their marriage…
Lol, I once convinced my ex to do volunteer work so I could be left alone. The way I saw it, I was giving back to society. Happy B-Day to B!
But, you’re also going to Hell. It’s a trade off.
justjp´s last blog ..Sticking with it
You guys are adorable. Oh, and I totally related to the “pure” shade thing. There’s definitely a difference.
I had no idea, but I’ve seen the light. Or the darkness, I suppose.
Summer´s last blog ..I’m Back Bitches: Last Installment
You guys are too cute
You’d take that back if you heard the farts.
What?
Lindsay´s last blog ..This and That
High five to B on the surgeon hand comment denying pedicure. Whups, that might damage the delicate calibration of the surgeon hands, so a virtual high five instead.
Ha. I love the Seinfeld where George is a hand model. “My hands!! My beautiful hands!!!”
eric´s last blog ..How I Saved My Cup (Come Ho Salvato la Tazza Mia)
Happy birthday, B!!
I think “It’s not boozing…it’s HBO” should be on a a billboard somewhere. Awesome, haha!
I bet they steal it from me. Hookers!
Britt´s last blog ..Ask Me Some Questions, I’ll Tell You No Lies
The fact that he took “let’s go” to “I poop where I want!” just like that just shows that you’re meant to be.
So true.
Liebchen´s last blog ..How do I draft a winning team?
the “…it’s HBO” comment i may be stealing from you.
also, happy birthday B!
I bet you could have a whole conversation with the phrases “I concur” and “It’s HBO”.
alexa – cleveland’s a plum´s last blog ..white party with a side of furries
Yay! Happy Birthday B!!! Mine is tomorrow! Virgos rule!!!
The shiz he says is pretty funny, but of course the shiz that comes out of your mouth is pretty funny too!!! Keep blogging and GO PATS!
Hahaha YEAH PATS!!!
Awwww… the last one was mega sweet
Sweet enough to make me bust out an emoticon!
Damn. I just got a cavity.
Ok, so he CAN poop where he wants but he probably SHOULDN’T. I’m guessing the authori-ties frown on pooping on the street.
Well, unless you scoop.
Just A Girl´s last blog ..Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner
Awww… Happy Birthday B!!!
I love every milimeter of you both! Booyah!
Awwwww. xoxoxo
Aw, funny and good-looking! And wise in the ways of shade.
He’s a keeper!
I’ll hold on, if only for the shade guidance!
Soda & Candy´s last blog ..I feel like a bit of a wanker, writing all these poems.
I *KNOW* shade. (nods head)
You guys are so weird.
Also, I love it.
LivingWicked´s last blog ..Music Soul-Fill-Up
Aweee so cute! Happy Birthday, sir!
Thanks love!
MeaganKate´s last blog ..Happy Birthday to MEEEEE!
Happy Birthday B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you you little hooker.
Um that could be directed to either one of you. JUST TODAY. Since it’s his special day.
Well, he’s the BIG hooker. His big hook spoons my…
Where was I going with that?
Elizabeth Marie´s last blog ..A Job Well Done!
they’re all in it together! chuck said that too about the internet during football… conspiracy!
I KNOW! But then as soon as the game’s over, it’s all, “Pay attention to me!” Silly boys.
mylittlebecky´s last blog ..i’m special
Happy Birthday, indeeed! I love these posts!
I may not know much, but I know shade. Hellzz yes. I know dat’s right.
They’re my favorites, too.
Kim´s last blog ..Change of Plans
“I’m not on no leash! I POOP WHERE I WANT!!!!” – I think B has been totally indoctrinated by the kittehs now.
Happy Birthday, B!
And I had to close my office door for a couple minutes to laugh properly at this post.
That’s what I like to hear! Thanks love!
MsDarkstar´s last blog ..Sunday Coffeehouse Post
My husband is unsupportive of blogging because it gets in the way of other things sometimes. But I make up for it while I’m waiting for my photos to download. Happy Birthday B!
Exactly! It’s all about the compromise.
Nikki´s last blog ..Portland, a gastronomic tour
Hubby had the remote, I was busy doing anything other watching football, but looked up at the screen when I heard high pitched cheers.
WTF?
Little league playoffs – really? C’mon. I drew the line…..
B watches that too! I mean, they’re kinda cute, but for like, 5 minutes…
littlemsblogger´s last blog ..I’m Definitely Not a Morning Person
Hahahaha!
I haven’t heard the “… it’s HBO” line for quite a while!
I know. It’s almost retro.
nashe´s last blog ..*burp* This is the part where I become a complete babi after fasting for a day.
so lovely that you have love.
Celebrate it every day.
…aaannnd that is my mushy comment for the week.
I have no problem with mushy. xo
J´s last blog ..He Knows What He Likes
Sounds like it was the perfect night! If I didnt love you so much, I would be jealous of your perfect Fairy Tale
Ha. It is a “special” kind of fairy tale.
Aww Lilu, you’re right, I can find someone with whom it can be this simple (and silly) ! Yours and B’s dialogues are 100% genius (and true love)
) Thanks for giving me hope and cheering me up with your funny shiz !!! xoxo Happy belated b-day B ! xoxo
Hold on to that hope, my dear. Trust me, it’s worth it.
Aritza, goddess of ..´s last blog ..Goddess of .. Dating For Dummies : The Chase !
hahaha! Happy birthday!!! the football comment in genius….I’m sure that Hub had something similar in mind!
I mean, it makes sense. It’s good to have a ‘hobby’ anyway, yes?
hanako66´s last blog ..breathe
Everyone knows that metric love is better.
It’s why Canadians are the best in bed.
It doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about rulers to dispute your theory…
And neither does Charlie.
Happy Birthday B!
And at least you know if you ever need a surgical consult … he’ll be right there, scalpel in hand.
That’s actually kind of terrifying…
siovhan´s last blog ..BFF… my pocahontas
Pokey has not yet come to the blogtime-means-sports-time conclusion. I think he needs a boost! Happy Birthday to your luvah!
Maybe you should oh-so-subtly leave some Sports Center on…
Sassy Britches´s last blog ..Let’s Play A Game
Ooh what a hunk!! I think all guys ’support’ their girlfriend’s blogs for this exact reason. We’re on to them though….! Happy Birthday to your boyfriend!!
Thanks hon. I love you extra because you are sending me surprises in the mail.
Margarita´s last blog ..August 2009 Recap
Isn’t “I Don’t Know Much, But I Know About Shade” a duet between Aaron Neville and, uh, Corey Hart or someone?
I’m pretty sure it’s a duet with Trace Adkins.
BeckEye´s last blog ..Everything Old is New Again…Again
Awwww. Happy birthday, B!
Woot! Hope your move went well, hon.
Racquel Valencia´s last blog ..Places I Have Lived Week: Dr. Kingston’s House
Son just had his 29th last Friday… Ate here, then he went partying with buddies later… Called him the next day around noon.. “How was the party?” It must have been great- I don’t remember much!
Ah, to be young… oh, wait.
happy birthday to B.
Thank ya!
ps…. seriously, your conversations… they rock.
As do you.
I love how B instantly thinks of pooping when compared to being on a leash. Even if it is imaginary. Maybe you should show him the Poo Trap and tell him that now he really can poop where he wants and follow you all at the same time!
Happy Birthday B!
No way, I’m not touching that shiz!
Kimberly´s last blog ..Jump Start Pet Rescue for the Wii Review
Happy birthday B!
Thanks love.
Wonderful´s last blog ..Weekend Recap
Hmm, what if you’re a girl and enjoy football AND interwebbing?
Happy Birthday to B! Hope it was great
Use your peripherals!
Karen´s last blog ..Meme (mememememe)
Awww, happy birthday!
Thanks!
Practically Perfect…´s last blog ..Welcome and a Giveaway
So now I can officially say that I loved the leash comment instead of telling you that on Facebook!
BTW, would it be lame if I asked you to toss about 200 of your followers my way? They’re yours, right? I mean, to do with as you please? Tell them it’s a humor reeducation camp.
Sorry if that offends a Jew…
Nothing offends me. Even if I was Jewish.
Travis ´s last blog ..Memoir Monday: Flour On The Roof.
Happy Birthday B!
And I hope you still have your appendix. I heard now that the doctors that be think it may be more important than originally thought.
It’s in a jar with my tail. I mean, what?
Jules´s last blog ..New Blog Layout???
What an awesome picture of him, and happy birthday to your man friend.
He is the essence of awesome. xo
MinD´s last blog ..Too close for comfort.
Happy Burfday B… and THANK YOU for giving LiLu tons of blog fodder!
He is a giver!
twinkie´s last blog ..Twitter THIS
saying he can poop wherever he wants when shown an imaginary leash…that’s genius. he’s a keeper.
I know. So very, very speshul…
rebecca´s last blog ..LOST IN TECHNO
hahaha great post! the “pedicure” one is totally my bf and I….I don’t get why they’re afraid of giving pedicures!
He actually did once, and it was magical. Don’t tell anyone.
Happy birthday to your B
You two always crack me up 
Aww, thanks love!
Andhari´s last blog ..pompoms and popcorn music? bring it!
Aw, happy birthday to your B!
Y’all are funny!
It’s a gift. Or a curse. Jury’s still out.
justrun´s last blog ..Growing, new projects, and making peace with gas
birthday? i had no idea. i will text.
Apparently he thinks these things are “not a big deal”. Silly boy.
f.B´s last blog ..it wasn’t supposed to be like this
Totally feeling warm and fuzzy now.
Awww.
Captain Dumbass´s last blog ..You Can Lead A Horse To Water, But That Doesn’t Make Him A Duck*
haha i swear thats why my husband loves the blog – hes never read it…but it frees up the tv!
It is a damn good compromise, actually.
alissa´s last blog ..studio seek + simple blueprint
haha i love the pedicure comment, haha what a gem.
happy birthday b!
He is a keeper.
katelin´s last blog ..One hot weekend.
I love the “I poop where I want”
Hope he had a great birthday! And what was the gift???
A backpack for treking through Costa Rica in November. Woot!
Lucy´s last blog ..I think I’m in Favor of DRUGS!!!
awww, happy bday B!!!!
Love you!
hbo. sigh. home of entourage. lovesss.
happy birthday to the boyfriend. thanks for
giving us something to laugh about, B!
Ari is so. Damn. GOOD.
amanda´s last blog ..lights, camera, action!
the part about pooping where he wants was hilarious…i may have peed a little when i read that…only a little though. don’t judge me.
I’m peeing right now.
What?
Maddie Marie´s last blog ..Happy Bright Day…
I would just like to say this is my favorrrrite of your series (next to TMI Thursday of course!).
It’s my favorite, too.
Kristen´s last blog ..
Aww lol that’s pretty cute! I usually post the crazy things my fiance’ says on Tumblr. It would make for an interesting blog post.
Yeah, getting them written down is the hard part- usually I’m laughing too hard.
Angel´s last blog ..Interior Design: Modern Beautiful Bedrooms Part 1
Happy Birthday B!!
These posts always make me laugh.
Thanks love!
mandy´s last blog ..One Of Those Weekends
OMG. Can B come to Vegas and teach me to locate shade. It was a 113 here today and I *needed* him!
Wait. How are you writing this if YOU’RE MELTED?!?
Colby´s last blog ..I lost my lesbian v-card … I think. Kind of.
Oooo B’s bday falls on the 30th or 31st?
anywhooo, Happy Birthday B!
Dang B is funny, in a wicked way
I think goofing off on the couch is pretty tolerable. And it’s better than staying in bed for 6 hours after waking up 
ahahaha…never try to do that again.
And I think I would hog the TV cause I need to have my soccer time,
He loves him some soccer. I’ll be over here internetting while y’all do that…
a!kO´s last blog ..Merdeka
Happy Birthday to B, as long as he keeps talking, we’ll keep laughing along.
<3
Meghan´s last blog ..Terminal Velocity
I like his commitment to shade. All or nothing. Happy birthday B!
If you’re gonna do it, do it right.
Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..Pre-September Post: The R Rated One
Happy belated birthday B!!
Thanks love!
sleepyjane´s last blog ..‘Returning to the place of our origins’
So THAT’S why the hubs doesn’t bitch about my blogging addiction.
I know, right? PERFECT PLAN.
B: I know. I don’t know much, but I *know* shade.
will he be writing a guide for us who know sooo little abt shade?!
i heart this man!
He will henceforth be referred to as “The Shademaster”!
Oh, I love pure shade. Never underestimate pure shade.
I really think this is a dude thing.
Badass Geek´s last blog ..In Which I Get Around To It
Oh, and happy birthday, B!
Thanks dear!
Badass Geek´s last blog ..In Which I Get Around To It
Hahaha, all brilliant, but the first one was definitely my favourite! Once again, you have managed to cheer me up.
Aww. Glad to help.
Paula´s last blog ..I GUESS THIS TIME IT REALLY *IS* IT . . .
What am emo photo for what is supposed to be a funny post.
Happy Birthday to your boy!
But he looks so pretty.
Patrick´s last blog ..My Favorite iPhone/iPod Touch Apps
Haha! My husband needs to realize that my blogging allows him to have time to himself, too. (He thinks blogging is ridiculous. He just doesn’t understand.)
Happy birthday to B!
B still feels that way about Twitter. Which I get, but, come on. The people need to know what I’m doing EVERY SECOND, obviously!!
Megan´s last blog ..When there’s nothing to blog about
so cute. i love these posts
ReinventingAmy´s last blog ..Fish In the Sea
Happy Birthday B! You gotta love a man who *knows* shade like that!
meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Oh Hello Internet!
Happy Birthday B!!
Smart man you got there, Big Man uses the blog against me to play XBox
Lil’ Woman´s last blog ..Our Love – Survey Style
I thought this….
Me: Oooo. You should give me a pedicure.
Said:
Me: Oooo. You should give me a PROCEDURE
lol
I guess B did, too….what with his reply and all
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY B
caroline´s last blog ..
I think B and I should be best friends.
Jill Pilgrim´s last blog ..Slasher Victim or Cunnilingus Expert: You Be The Judge
is b peeing in the ocean in that picture? i swim there. happy belated birthday to him anyhow!
clairemontgomerymd´s last blog ..soon i’ll fart on my own cat
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