Hey. Hey, you.
Have you forgotten what you’re doing tonight? Because it should say “DRINKING WITH LILU” on your calendar. Just saying.
(Click the pic for all the details…)
Good. Great. Glad we got that settled.
(I’ll be the asshole in the tshirt that says “Born to Blog”.)
(Nope… not kidding.)
And on with the show! (Click here for all the past “Shiz My BF Says”.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s Saturday morning, and I’m supposed to meet my girls for brunch in half an hour. I’m about to get up to get ready… oh, yeah, and I hadn’t showered since Wednesday. WHAT?!?
Me: Guess what I’m about to go do?!
B: What?
Me: Drumroll… take a SHOWER!!!
B: (Jumps up) Wait, I gotta go poop first!
Me: Whaaaa? NO! That is way uncool!
B: (As he jogs to bathroom, chuckling…) It was pretty uncool, I’ll give you that.
I was late to brunch. Fucker.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The lovely, lovely Megan at somewhat voluble held a contest in which I was the lucky recipient of this gorgeous rug. That I definitely showed a picture of to B, when I won it, and told him all about it…
B: (sees the rug-shaped package) What’s this?
Me: That rug I told you I won from Megan.
B: Is it nice?
Me: It’s gorgeous! I showed you a picture of it… you said you loved it.
B: Baby, I don’t remember all of our rug conversations! Honestly. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. I think we should seriously consider paring down the number of our discussions about rugs.
[Ed. note: This is probably the only discussion we've ever had about rugs.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We actually got it up enough to start packing for the move this week, with the intent of throwing as much crap away as possible. B pulled a large wooden “R” (shhh! for my REAL name!) off our bookshelf that I’d gotten for Christmas…
B: Can we throw this away?
Me: (pouts) But I LIKE it!
B: (looks at me skeptically)
Me: But it’s for MY NAME!
B: Okay, I have an idea… (snaps the leg off) Now it’s a P!
Me: (silence)
B: See? P for penis! (Insert wildly inappropriate humping gestures here)
Me: Fine. Throw it away. Or burn it. Either way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reading the synopsis of a movie on demand aloud…
Me: A vacation gone aw-ree…
B: Wait. What did you just say?
Me: Aw-ree?
B: Um. Do you possibly mean, AWRY (ah-rye)?
Me: Ohhh… awry. Oops. I always thought those were two different words…
(Insert B making fun of me for two days straight…)
Two days later, while watching the final episode of BSG…
B: Is that supposed to be some symbology or something?
Me: (head whips around) SYMBOLOGY?!?
B: (instantly realizing what he has done) Um, I mean, crap. Symbolism! Shit.
Me: (whips out the laptop immediately for THIS…)
I will add, out of fairness, that we then had a bet on whether “symbology” was even a word… and he won. It is, in fact, the study of symbols. It was, however, completely and totally the WRONG word for his sentence.
But in my heart? I won.
Happy weekend, y’all! See your asses in a few hours, beer in hand!!!
{ 95 comments }
The rug conversation cracked me up so thanks!
Plus I always thought it was pronounced AW-rye. Everyday’s a schoolday, I guess…
.-= Paula´s last blog ..PTV . . . =-.
Ahhh, I so wish I could be there tonight!! Have many, many beers in my stead!
p.s. I feel like there is “-ology” for *everything*. Kind of like how there’s an association for everything—even snack foods—in the metro Washington, DC area.
.-= Hannah´s last blog ..I seek the zsa-zsa-zu. =-.
He’s only mentioned rugs once? What about carpets? What about carpet munching?
Really, I’m surprised.
.-= Mike´s last blog ..The perfect poo =-.
The rug thing made me laugh a lot. And the symbology thing. And the R thing – that’s awesome. You always make me laugh, Lilu.
You girls have fun tonight, I wish I could come out and meet everybody!
.-= Taylor´s last blog ..The Invitation =-.
the pooping before the shower, that is totally me and flake….
but i’m the one running in before he gets in the shower….
too funny!
.-= l.o.v.´s last blog ..what does that spell? =-.
zomg…
this is almost too real to read!!!
Hilarious – and I thank you for laying it all out there. Be back soon!
Ric
Bahahhahaa. As usual I laughed out loud. No really, not just like when people just say LOL and they don’t even mean it. I totally LOLd.
I wish I could compile (and then blog about) all the things the hubby says except then we’d probably get a divorce haha.
He’s a bit shy when it comes to the interwebs
.-= Kez´s last blog ..Hometown shopping. =-.
I love a good laugh to start the day, my favorite was the ‘R’ to a ‘P’, that was great!!!!
.-= Lucy´s last blog ..TMI: Thursday: My First Cellphone, My Mother and a Wine Tasting. =-.
Aw-ree, huh? *crosses UNC Chapel-Hill off the list of possible colleges for the kids*
I’d come drinking with you, but two things: I don’t really drink anymore, and I don’t think the kids would appreciate the four hour drive.
.-= MJenks´s last blog ..Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol. XXXIV =-.
Boondock Saints- so appropriate for my flight back to Logan.
.-= Patrick´s last blog ..Do I Become An Uber Trendy Geek? =-.
YESSSSSSSSS!!
Because I’m an expert in *snaps* nameology.
Cannot WAIT for tonight. Like…I think I just came thinking about it.
.-= PQ´s last blog ..Changing Things Up & Giveaway Winners =-.
R, hey??? *ponders*
I one time believed they spoke “Hollish” in Holland. That was over 30 years ago and my mother still makes fun of me for that….
.-= Kris´s last blog ..Summer, how I love thee… =-.
My boyfriend and I constantly have these little wagers going about something one of us said.He is a total know-it-all,although I’m pretty sure I know a bit more than he does.Actually,I’m completely sure.
Hilarious. Sorry I’ll be missing the shit show tonight. I did hear that your lover boy has been invited to a certain bar crawl this weekend. Will you two be in attendance?
.-= Mb´s last blog ..Back to it: I’m in America. Here’s a shmoopy post. =-.
You guys are so funny.
.-= Cassie´s last blog ..Adorable =-.
Next time B runs for the loo like that you should give him a quick shot in the kidney, that’ll slow him down.
So you guys netflixed all the BSGs? And speaking of BSG, yeah, how was that first season???
.-= Foggy Dew´s last blog ..Left…right…left (but not in so many words) =-.
Oh my goodness, today 3 blogs have officially made me smarter – is that bad? But then again, I don’t often use the word awry in regular sentences. S must be rubbing off on me – before I set him straight he thought *colonel* was pronounced the way it was spelled. This from a guy that was in the army….hmmm, when I reminded him it’s like the ranking – he thought it was two different words. Taught him at KFC just as he was about to order the “co-lo-nel’s special”…
Happy weekend, R….! Rhea, Riley, Rihanna, Rose, Ruth, Regan, Roxy, Rebecca….RiLu??? You know I’m gonna do this all the time now, right?
.-= ela´s last blog ..20 Things =-.
Oh, how I wish I was near you all to come to the blog meetup!
I love these posts so much. Reminds me of me and The Mister. I can’t believe he broke your R though! What a turd!
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Don’t Forget–ASK THE MISTER =-.
I so wish I could be at that happy hour. Too bad I live in Minnesota, land of boring and lakes.
.-= Jaxie´s last blog ..Movies that make me… =-.
HA. the R thing is mean. ….but, uh, also funny. hee.
i have such a ridiculous track record with words. it’s all the worse because i have a pretty obnoxious vocabulary (this is what happens when you read too much as a kid) BUT have never heard several of said vocab words out loud, so i .. uh.. don’t realize i’ve made up my own pronunciation of them. it’s fun.
.-= Alice´s last blog ..TMI Thursday – thanks, textsfromlastnight.com! =-.
I’m totally running out and buy and ‘R’ for my house just so I can do the same thing.
That man of yours?
Trendsetter.
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ....and that’s how Chris Hansen came to be in my hotel room…. =-.
Ugh, talking about poop. That is SUCH a guy thing!
Have fun tonight!
.-= Practically Perfect…´s last blog ..A Funny Chicago Story =-.
O man you && B are too cute. You kids these days! lol.
.-= Nickie.´s last blog ..Things I Really Freakin Want! =-.
Great stories! I actually guffawed when I read that he broke the “R” to make it a “P”. Pretty mean, actaully, so I feel bad for laughing, but just the picture of him standing there with the newly created “P” and you staring at him. Thanks for the laughs.
.-= Skippy´s last blog ..Dear John =-.
I’m just not that nice! I would make my husband run down to the building lobby to use the bathroom before stinking up my shower experience!
Have fun tonight!
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..Behind the scenes =-.
Aw, I wished I lived in DC. Maybe one of these days I’ll make a trip up just to meet all my DC blog buddies.
I have an R in my room too! I’d be pissed if someone turned it into a P. Funny, this whole time I assumed your name started with an L
Have fun tonight!! Can’t wait to read the recap!
So you found a place? Where are you moving to?
.-= Beach Bum´s last blog ..In which I admit that I might not finish the Half Marathon =-.
The rug is so pretty! Also, thanks for making me laugh. Needed it this morning.
Finally, have a wonderful time tonight, and get nice and drunk while I”m at work! I’m sorry I won’t get to meet you yet (damn the theater for conspiring to ruin my life)!
.-= Vie´s last blog ..Fools in [Lust] =-.
As soon as I saw the symbology line, I was hoping so hard that Boondock Saints would be coming up.
And it did.
SO much win for that, Lilu.
I also wish I could be there. As you said it, stupid living in DC thing.
@Jaxie I am in MN as well…
.-= Mitchell Hislop´s last blog ..links for 2009-08-06 =-.
Pure and aboslute Hilariosity!
.-= Catherine´s last blog ..RIP John Hughes =-.
Will you post a picture of yourself in your “born to blog” tee? I think that would be fantastic.
.-= Mel – Just Fine and Dandy´s last blog ..It’s All Good =-.
oooooooooooooh my god the R/P thing made me spit out my diet coke all over my keyboard! the reason it took me so long to comment is because i was cleaning it up/drying it off!!!
.-= Vittoria´s last blog ..Fried Fridays =-.
This is my favorite series that you do, it always rocks!
.-= Skylers Dad´s last blog ..My favorite actor also sings! =-.
Sorry if this is a duplicate comment – something wonky’s going on with my computer…
Oh my goodness, today 3 blogs have officially made me smarter – is that bad? But then again, I don’t often use the word awry in regular sentences. S must be rubbing off on me – before I set him straight he thought *colonel* was pronounced the way it was spelled. This from a guy that was in the army….hmmm, when I reminded him it’s like the ranking – he thought it was two different words. Taught him at KFC just as he was about to order the “co-lo-nel’s special”…
Happy weekend, R….! Rochelle, Rhea, Riley, Rihanna, Rose, Ruth, Regan, Roxy, Rebecca….RiLu??? You know I’m gonna do this all the time now, right?
.-= ela´s last blog ..20 Things =-.
Ha “now it’s a P” that slays me.
Also, I just saw a master of karate and friendship for everyone tag. absolutely beautiful. Ahuhaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaah. bye.
.-= TO´s last blog ..Hello, my name is TO =-.
I hope you gave him shit for 2 days for his mix up.
.-= caroline´s last blog ..funny thing! =-.
Have fun tonight! If I were on your side of the country, I’d come!
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..WTF?! Wednesday: The Mail Forwarding Blues =-.
Wish I could be there. Have a drink for me.
.-= Badass Geek´s last blog ..In Which I Talk At Length About Myself =-.
i’m sad in my pants that i won’t be drinking with you tonight
have a great time and drink some LIT for me!
.-= cavy´s last blog ..over over over over! =-.
When we redid our two bathrooms, I had them wired so that the exaust fans automatically turn on when the light switch is thrown.. gets rid of “righteous dump” odor quickly!
hahaha love it, as always…
but wait!
You have a REAL name?
*gasp!*
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..I LOVE…Fridays! =-.
I will be getting drunk in Sherman Oaks, CA and pretending that I’m there.
also, Boondock Saints….Best. Movie. EVER.
.-= Hannah-Lane´s last blog ..I is sorry =-.
You are crackin me up. And my most recent Jessica Simpson moment:
Me: Well for all intensive purposes, we could do that. I guess.
Boss: Uh, do you mean INTENTS space AND Puposes?
Me: Yeah, Thats totally what I said!
Boss: Yeah ok.
Hope thats helps! OH, and I found the 2 horrid pics I promised you, my love.
I refuse to believe that you’ve only had one conversation with him about rugs. Come on!
I love awesome boyfriend/girlfriend interactions. They make my wee heart sing.
.-= oh, rebecca´s last blog ..Rebecca Is Not That Kind of Girl. (Or is she?) =-.
You guys seriously crack me up.
.-= Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts´s last blog ..I’ve Made A Decision =-.
Don’t you worry about your vacation now, every little thing gonna be aww-reee (t).
.-= eric´s last blog ..Glass (Vetro) =-.
b is a penis. i mean a genius. i’ll be there in spirit tonight. not actual spirit unless i die, then i will haunt you – promise. drink one for me. i’ll do the same but will be the girl wearing no bra.
.-= clairemontgomerymd´s last blog ..tmi thursday: don’t sweat it =-.
I like the one about the poop, not looking forward to the future when i have to share a bathroom with a guy. Ah the poop. Have fun with the blog party!!
So I actually read this hours ago. HOURS. And I’m STILL laughing at B’s penis thing.
Wait, that sounded weird. That thing he did with the penis? No…
Well, you know what I mean.
.-= shine´s last blog ..It’s Friday, we should break up – Texting =-.
Hahahaha! The letter thing cracked me up. And the rugs. Well all of it really! I’m a big pile of laugh right now.
.-= Vegetable Assassin´s last blog ..Mean Girls =-.
don’t get mad, k?
Promise?
I have a little bit of a crush on your boyfriend I think. Of course, this is solely based on the stories you tell us about his poop and humping gestures, and the like.
Looooove yooooou
.-= Lindsay´s last blog ..can you keep a secret? =-.
This is what’s left when the romance is gone, huh?
See you tonight! Can’t wait to have my blogger cherry popped–it will be monumental no doubt.
.-= MJ´s last blog ..My own skin =-.
Pour one out for your Cali hooker..yeah? (tears)
Guess we have a plus at our house, we shower together. And both our poopy movements are in the morning.
.-= hillbilly duhn´s last blog ..A Bear in the Woods =-.
As soon as I saw the word “symbology” I jumped to that scene. What a fantastic movie.
Also, I have a word like “awry” that I was corrected on. Now I just avoid saying it…
.-= Liebchen´s last blog ..Home sweet home =-.
I friggin’ LOVE the Boondock Saints!
I need to find my DVD and watch it again!
.-= Belen´s last blog ..My mind is all over the place! =-.
P for penis!
Heh heh.
My five year old nephew calls it his “pee”. lolz.
=-.
.-= Jaime | Fast Times´s last blog ..I LOVE…Fridays! Summer Lovin’ Style.
Beer. Mmmmmmmmm. I cannot look at Vodka anytime in the near future. Have a blast!
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..Guest Post by Iva Messy =-.
I just love the fact that you didn’t shower for 3 days. You’re so hot.
.-= Just A Girl´s last blog ..How (Not) To Get The Girl =-.
Pre-shower pooping is just downright mean. Funny, but mean.
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..The Pregnancy Skinny =-.
3 1/2 more hours until happy down!
.-= Desiree Aubigny´s last blog ..Meet Desiree! =-.
YAAAAY BOONDOCK SAINTS!!
I quote it non stop and IMMEDIATELY thought of it while I was reading that! Ahhh I love it
Have a drink for me tonight!
.-= Angela´s last blog .. =-.
Damn. And here I assumed he really meant semiotics.
.-= Sadako´s last blog ..Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Nightly Neighbors =-.
why do boys always have to poop when we need to do the girly stuff?!
.-= verybadcat´s last blog ..Pictures and Presents =-.
I love when people eff up words. Someone accused me of saying “writhing” wrong the other day. Who speaks the word “writhing” anyway? I should get credit for trying. Did you ever read Julie’s post about “mine-strone” soup? I love these equally.
.-= Suburban Sweetheart´s last blog .."It Looks Like Hiroshima in There." =-.
oooh! do we get to play the ‘guess your name’ game??? FUN! i’m guessing it’s Rachel. You look like a Rachel (a cute rachel, not a bitchy rachel. i know both kinds) !
I always love reading Mike’s comments – carpet muncher.
I guess B wanted to mark his territory with his stanky shit scent on you prior to the brunch – lucky girl — stank shit odor + hot air from shower = girl sitting at table by herself for brunch.
Have fun tonight. Wish I was there to drink
.-= littlemsblogger´s last blog ..My Dad is Spiderman =-.
Love the symbology moment – milk it, lady!
And have a few drinks on me – or not ON me, since I won’t be there, and that just gets sticky, but for me, not that you should spend your time thinking about me or anything, but– oh hell, just have a few, or a lot– no, A TON, of drinks! And then recover sufficiently to provide a play-by-play post for those of us on the other side of the country.
Have fun!
Seriously? It’s not aw-ree?
No really. It’s not?
I can’t believe they let me work in Communications. $hit. Maybe that’s why I have nothing to do right now.
.-= Colby´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: My body is rejecting its host =-.
LMAO and a Bah-ston movie to boot! Yay baby yay!
.-= Soxy Girltrueheart´s last blog ..Whatever It Is =-.
i can’t believe he broke your R!! what a stinker! wish i was drankin with you tonight! do some stoli vanil-cran for M
Damn wish I could be there to get wasted with everyone! : )
I’ve learned something new today, you werent the only one mispronouncing awry.
.-= Lil’ Woman´s last blog ..A Little Humor Never Hurts =-.
haha! The rug convo reminds me of one I had about throw pillows. I was telling a male coworker about how much thought needs to go into throw pillows (I know, I know, I violated the rules by having this convo w/a guy not obligated to listen) and he said something about the only attractive throw pillows were the ones on fire. This must be why women like to go shopping alone.
.-= spleeness´s last blog ..And this is why I do not eat off the floor. =-.
I can’t wait to find a guy just like yours!!! He sounds like so much fun!
OK P for PENIS was damned funny! RUDE. But damned funny!
But the whole awry.. thing… HOLYMOTHEREFFINGSHIT. I swear I have been saying it wrong this whole time. WOW!!! haahahahahahaha
.-= twinkie´s last blog ..The Ya Ya’s =-.
you have no idea how I wish I could party with you two….these are my most favoritist posts ever (see I can make up words too)
.-= hanako66´s last blog ..Santa Monica =-.
Well what do know! My real name begins with an R also.
And yeah I also thought it was aw-ree until I heard it pronounced. I alway wondered why I never heard the word aw-ree used.
Sweet, sweet reference with The Boondock Saints clip…as soon as you mentioned “symbology”, that’s immediately what came to mind. I love, love, love that movie, just as I love, love, love your blog. The only problem is that everytime I see Willem Dafoe, I expect him to say, “Triumphing over eeevil”. You know, in the movie. Not in your blog, because if Willem Dafoe shows up again, that would be weird.
I have a big N in our living room and everyone always asks why we don’t have B for Bryan too. Cause it’s MY HOUSE I say, MY HOUSE! Have fun tonight, can’t wait to see the pictures!
.-= Nikki´s last blog ..Flashback Friday: Lolo Lorena’s on Isla Mujeres =-.
First I was going to comment about the laugh you gave me thinking that ‘B’ made you one hour late by taking a poop… 1 HOUR in there??!!? How do you walk after that?
But then you hit me with Symbology. Do you realize I’ll probably be using that now (incorrectly of course). Damn it ‘R’!
Will be waiting for an update on how that party went down!
.-= nashe´s last blog ..O Lordy, Deliver Mine Ears From BS =-.
Hahaha- awesome. <- Insomnia kills my creativity.
bwahahahahaa rug conversations. i must admit, we have too many these days
and i cannot believe he snapped your R! Ass! wow! and after you told him you liked it! hah. you should snap something of his!
.-= sarah´s last blog ..pre post rambling =-.
I love you guys, yall are hilarious! I wish I could have been there. Next time you are planning something I will drag lil woman with me and we will come to your neck of the woods. Oh and I will bring a No Place Like Home Shirt for you too…lol
ps. I must suck at knowing about blogging stuff because for some reason I am not getting your updated posts…what the hell? They make my day!!!
Have a great weekend!
Good luck on the move.
I wish I could be there tonight and meet everybody. Alas, it’s a bit of a long drive from Colorado.
.-= Jean´s last blog ..Home Again, Home Again, Hippity Hop =-.
Oh how I wish I stayed anywhere near DC! *lament*
.-= Rhiccups´s last blog ..Hubs is da man. =-.
Ok the fact you just put a Boondock Saints clip in your blog makes you my new favourite blogger.
Also, thinking that B and my boy would get along hilariously wonderfully. They both say stupid things all the time!
.-= Caz´s last blog ..Fight Club =-.
Hi, my daughter just read this with me and cracked up laughing. She just had the same thing happen.
.-= Elaine Haley´s last blog ..Bird on a Wire =-.
Man I wish I lived near you. I would have LOVED to come out drinking with you just to see you in that Tshirt!
.-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..One Man’s Trash, Is Another Man’s Treasure [Or, Another Man's Responsibility To Clean Up!] =-.
LMAO! This was awesome. I think my favorite was the “R” transformed into a “P”… sorry your “R” has been destroyed.
.-= Britt´s last blog ..You Came to California for the Family, but I Came for the Fun! =-.
you definitely got him on “symbology.” oh, and i have a friend who’s business is entitled, “the ‘P’ is for penis.” he does erotic art and it’s pretty awesome (he also happened to design my blog header, why you need to know that, i’m not sure- context i suppose.)
.-= Down and Out Chic´s last blog ..So what did I do? =-.
i love the pure silliness.
I’m glad you like the rug (and that it was part of the Shiz your boyfriend says)!
.-= Megan´s last blog ..It’s Okay Friday =-.
He broke your R? What a turd face.
.-= MinD´s last blog ..Feeling like a “Foto Friday.” =-.
lmfao! god i love the “shiz my bf says”!!
.-= Cass´s last blog ..Building Block Wordless Wednesday =-.