I’ve been boring you all to tears writing this blog for nearly two years now. Which is, in itself, a great strength of feet.
But what makes it even more amazing, I think, is that I have gotten pretty much zero hate mail. No evil comments. Zip. Zilch. Nada.
I’m kind of insulted, honestly. I mean, I think I’m pretty high up there on the scale of offensivity, no? There are sharts, edible kitten toots, and frozen coochie, for chrissakes! I’ve glorified all things inappropriate via TMI Thursdays; there are very few posts on these pages that would constitute anything resembling “polite dinner conversation”.
And that’s how I like it. And, presumably, so do you.
But come on. People most often stumble onto this corner of the interwebs via searches such as “live” and “love“! Also, yesterday: “fixing my karma“, and “as seen on TV pickle jar“. (Um, I don’t know, friend, but if you find that jar, send it this way. I’ll put a penny in it every time I get a hate comment and, um… I’ll still be real freaking poor. Penny pickle jar FAIL, internet weirdo!)
I’ve had, maybe, two trolls, in all the time that I’ve been writing. I am disappointed in myself. Clearly, I am not pushing enough boundaries. I guess it’s time to to bust out the dead baby jokes.
(pause)
Okay, I just tried to make a dead baby joke to prove my point, and I couldn’t do it. There are some things even I don’t have the stomach for, apparently.*
I mean, what’s a girl gotta do to get an internet predator around here? Maybe I do such a good job making fun of myself that everyone pities me?! I DON’T WANT YOUR PITY, TROLLS!
(Just your money. Please to make your checks out to LiLu at 6969 Fuck Your Mother Drive, Northwest DC! Don’t forget the Northwest. God forbid, you don’t want that money going to the Capitol.)
Seriously, Madame Karma is totally off her game here. I mean, I spout off at least one post of Le Haterade every fortnight (that’s my 9th grade English at work. You did good, Mrs. Thompkins). Everyone knows you’ve only made it when someone writes you death threats because you told the shite American president where he can stick it. Wait, only me and the Dixie Chicks know that. But you can take our word for it. Well, their word. (They’re a lot richer than me. And everyone knows rich people are the smartest. Just ask Paris…)
No one even takes the time to write me nasty emails! This is the crudest thing I’ve gotten all month:
[redacted] to livitluvit
Hello,
How to make a zit pop early? I know you are probably very busy but I was hoping you could give me a couple pointers.
A little advice would go a long way right now. Thank you.
Sincerely, Paul
Honestly, I’m not even mad, Paul… I’m just impressed.
So in short, world, I am sick of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because at this point, I’m pretty sure it’s a steel-toed boot, and I’d really like to get this karmic retribution thing on a payment plan, if possible. Who do I talk to about that? I would have said William Shatner until last week but, well, he BLOCKED THE BLOGGESS on Twitter AND Priceline screwed us over on a car rental. Two strikes you’re out, Shat.
I’m cutthroat like that. Bia.
LiLu OUT!!!
(Are you offended yet?)
*Okay, maybe just one. We’ll try it out:
What’s the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
Oh, look. I just threw up.
On my boots, of course.
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Dang…I was going to rake you over the coals and tear you a new one, then I caught sight of the cute little girl with ringlets on your header and just couldn’t do it. Seriuosly, you’re sweet. Deal with it chickee!
But she’s dragging a lamb! That’s edgy, right?
I got nothing.
you should curse more. use words like fuck, and cock. I had one person who told me he’d read my blog if i stopped using that language. Firstly, you read it, secondly, um, no. he eventually went away.
People get really offended when you talk about babies, cursing, and not liking jesus. I bet you get lots of hatemail that way!
Jill Pilgrim may be on to something with that whole “not liking Jesus” thing. But I’d feel bad… I mean, J-Dawg and I are pretty tight!
fizzgigabyte´s last blog ..Child Free…
Well damn I’m the first to comment.
It’ because your blog is not political and no hater aid for D.C.
Agreed. That explains DC, but what about all my peops abroad?
Um embarassed! I’m not the firsr commenter. (slinks off in shame)
You’re the first in my heart! There is no shame on these pages. Or I’m in a lot of trouble…
strange coincidence. today i posted a link about a blogger getting the mean hand of the law thrown his/her way based on haterade posted on his/her blog. check it out. may give you some inspiration on how to attract some negative karma.
Ooo, I’ll check it out. I mean, I just want to pay my dues, is all!
Mb´s last blog ..RIP: Free Speech on the Internet
YOU ARE A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PERSON.
How was that? It felt a little forced.
Maybe I can get Picard to give me acting lessons. SINCE HE IS SO OBVIOUSLY SUPERIOR TO THE SHAT.
Jenny, Bloggess´s last blog ..I’m not pregnant.
I dislike your alma mater.
There. I did it. I hated on you.
That picture is fucking funny.
I liked it. P.S.? That was some weak haterade. Try adding some vodka next time.
MJenks´s last blog ..Pop the Champagne! It’s Celebration Time!
I will gladly send you some of my hatemail. It usually says things like, “You’re not funny.” “You took that Jesus joke too far.” “I find you offensive.” “I feel bad for your husband.”
I think that last one is a chick I used to argue with on The Knot message boards. Or it might be from my husband.
Its a mystery.
Your husband is welcome to come live with us, and he and my B can continue their beautiful romance.
Jill Pilgrim´s last blog ..LIVE FREE OR DIE!!! And Other Stuff About My State of Residence
You’re just too nice and lovable. You can’t fake twatitude. I would make you cookies, but by the time they got to you, they would be stale and moldy.
Aww, thanks love. And twatitude? = NEW FAVORITE WORD OF ALL TIME.
I love this last photo with God and Jesus but I don’t think that’s even enough to get hate mail.
I got my first hater yesterday after 4 1/2 months of blogging on my post about PETA Hating Fat People. And of course the fucker left it as Anonymous. My response included prick, cunt, asshole and lots more. You know all the words that come out of the mouth of a Southern Belle when you piss them off.
Ooo, I actually DO hate PETA! They’re basically a terrorist organization. I could totally write one about them…
The Peach Tart´s last blog ..It Gives Your Vagina Wings
I seriously don’t know, usually there’s always someone hating somebody, I’m sorry. I hope somebody comes soon to bitch you out so the void can be filled.
This post just won my heart.
FTW! Also, you just got this song in my head. Love.
Angie´s last blog ..Stop being self-conscious, Angie.
I’m sorry Lilu. Everyone loves you!! You are too funny to hate on! Maybe if you start bashing on Hello Kitty, then you might get a raise out of me! (TWSS)
I would, but then I saw the Hello Kitty vibrator and that shiz is HILARIOUS. I can’t even hate on it!
amerikasweetness´s last blog ..Knitting Is Neat
Um, okay, so I was going to say, “Deal with it sucka, you’re just too good natured.” But now I’m just sitting here in aw that you got The Bloggess to comment on your damn blog and now I don’t like you as much.
And so…
Geez, woman, get back in the kitchen and bake me a cake. And put a little swing in that ass, while you’re at it.
(I don’t know, I’m not very good at being mean to people I like.)
I love you, too. <3
shine´s last blog ..Failure to use a turn signal when you’re not changing lanes may result in the acquisition of a ticket.
YOU ARE Sure to get some hate mail now that you asked for it!
ha.
SO sad to have missed you in Boston this past weekend- Seeing you would have been like a real celebrity siting!
Doesn’t that make you feel good!? I just really thought of you as a celebrity! ha.
Haha you are the best. I really wish you could’ve been there! But I’ll Be Back… trust.
I’ll be in the D.C. area early September visiting family and I’ll make sure to run you the fuck down with my old man’s huge Buick.
Happy?
I’m actually amazed I haven’t been taken out yet. I am the classic texter/walker. At least you’ll all know how I go when I stop posting one day…
Mike´s last blog ..Undersized Door meets Ovesized Couch
i can’t fucking stand you.
ok, that’s a lie. it hurt to write that. i think i got a charlie horse. FUCK. karma is a dirty whore.
<3
She does fight dirty. Pull her hair next time!
emrlds´s last blog ..there is a jackhammer outside my window
thanks for including the link for “trolls”. I was reading that part and literally thought you were talking about the ones from norse mythology, which made for a really really awkward reading.
Haha if it were those kind, I’d be glad! You know how I feel about anything fugly…
timoteo´s last blog ..Hunting Elephants
OMG you put a picture in your post!!! yayyyy my favorite. this is a classic case of “the grass is always greener” you know girls with curly hair want straight and vice versa, but if you got it you wouldn’t like it! i wanted braces sooo bad because everyone had them, i would straighten a paper clip and put it on my teeth (ewww) but then when i got them in HIGH SCHOOL i did not want.
I am really confused. But I still love you.
Lusty Reader´s last blog ..A negative comparison
Sending this link to Bloo over on MySpace.
He always has something nice to say.
Only I and Mike get this… but trust me, I’m shuddering in horror for all of us.
moooooog35´s last blog ..Summer Reruns – My Tattoo
Oh gosh, let the flood gates open!
I ha…te you RiLu.
Crud. I can’t do it. I LOVE ya and your bloggie blog.
OK, spanx, I’m leaving it to the next commenter.
And wow. I love that people think you can help out with just about anything. If I had anything to ‘pop’ I wouldn’t think to ask you how to do it. Unless of course you had previously posted on how to do so, which I don’t think you did.
Paul knows I am a giver, apparently. I would’ve written back, but it kind of sounded like he wanted me to pop it FOR him. Gotta draw that line somewhere…
Ela´s last blog ..What I Wore Wednesday & New Additions
Im am drafting a hate email right now for you… don’t worry.
Oh, I believe it. Just leave the tigers out of it. They didn’t do anything to you!
I was going to try to come up with something completly witty and over the top in the form of haterade but, as Chris Brown says: I got nothing but love for you baby. And then I beat the shit out of you for looking at my text messages. They’re my text messages biatch! I’ll show you who wears the pants in this relationship!
Oh shit. Sorry. I guess I need to go see an anger management specialist.
But truly, nothing but love (and titty grabbing).
You might wear the pants, but I wield the belt! Heyooooooo
Kellie´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday
I remember the post you wrote about your [redacted]- it was raw and extremely personal and some A*HOLE posted some of the meanest, insensitive comments to your post. To me, that’s all you need.
I think you may be right, my friend. xoxo
littlemsblogger´s last blog ..Rant and Rave Wednesday
I am a long time lurker, and I just have to weigh-in!
I think you don’t get the trolls because you do not come across as self-righteous, full of yourself, or otherwise “above” your readers. I think a lot of trolling stems from these attributes.
Just a guess!
Well, long time lurker, guess what? You just made my freaking day. Not even kidding. Thank you so much!
I can’t stand you! You are nothing short of horrid!
Ok I lie. I heart you very much. Like a lot.
I really suck at this comment hating don’t I?
Yes. But it’s okay because you’re twee and cute.
Marie´s last blog ..Bchele
I’ll get my hate mail people working on it immediately. Yours truly with best and highest regards, Eric
So respectful, even about the hate mail! I cannot win this battle.
eric´s last blog ..What’s With the Hole In My Yard? (Perché Un Foro Nell’erba?)
OMFG that picture at the bottom made me laugh so hard. You didn’t even offend, you just amused me as always! I’m sorry…
Don’t be. <3
Taylor´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Double D Edition
If you want some serious hate mail write something about how much you love dog fighting.
I would, but I’ve been fighting with B about how I think Vick should be shot for weeks. (He’s an Eagles fan. NOT THAT THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT…)
Del-V´s last blog ..Double baloney! Double baloney! Don’t forget to make it baloney because you can hardly taste the baloney…
I’ve actually thought about this too, for you not me (sadly I never got hate either…). I knew a lot of people in the DC Blogging world who wrote the most inoffensive stuff and got MAJOR hate. I think it has to do with HOW you say offensive stuff. You tend to say it in a self deprecating way as opposed to an offensive way.
Not only that but you’re clear about what you are going to write about. Example, I may not want to read about sharts and poo and dirty tampons because I have a sensitive stomach but you make it pretty clear that if you don’t want to read that stuff, stay away on Thursdays. It’s all in the delivery.
Agreed. I think fair warning is definitely called for, especially now that Mama Bear’s reading…
Jo´s last blog ..Overheard in Rehoboth
things i’ve learned gets me trolls:
a) existing (although it’s just the one mass-market troll in that case, everyone’s bff gwmush)
b) saying i’m hurt when a bf cheats on me & lies about it, so he then sends all his friends to my blog to bash me
c) writing about eHarmony
Ha! I almost said something in your comments because I knew I was posting this today, but I figured you had enough dramz over there…
Alice´s last blog ..eharmony: i am not compatible
Whats easier to move; a truck full of bowling balls or a truck full of dead babies?
Dead babies. You can use a pitchfork.
You are welcome.
Dead babies joke was inserted for you.
Lemmonex´s last blog ..The Last Time You Will See That Plant
I follow a blogger who gets hate mail frequently and I tried to think why?? The difference between you and her is your blog is more tongue and cheek, funny, satire, you can tell you are laughing at life. The other blogger is definitely serious and she talks about politics, religion and being a mom (not always the great side of mothering) and these are all ‘hot topics’ as to use a phrase from THE VIEW.
I’m not sure I could handle hate mail!
You need to keep doing just what you have been doing for the last two years, keeping us laughing right along with you, if that is what you like, remember your blog IS ALL ABOUT YOU GIRL!!!!!
Politics, religion, and being a mom… all things that I want NOTHING TO DO WITH in my life. Perfection!
Lucy´s last blog ..I delved deep for this post!
maybe you dont get hatemail because you’re so freaking hilarious. and the baby joke was funny. i laughed out loud. does that make me a bad person?
So did I. And yes. We both are. But at least we’re evil together.
RachelSmiles´s last blog ..sitting on my desk…
Well, at least it’s minor evidence that there are some people out there with a sense of humor. I’d recommend writing a post that involves any kind of research. Believe me, people go nuts over minor factual errors, there are a lot of nostalgia fiends out there out to question my credentials. Which admittedly, are none.
Bloggers who discuss their poor life choices in great detail tend to get hate mail. You could also opt to insult a religious group or two. I’d say you’re better off just doing your thing. Hate mail is for the lazy blog readers, comment love is for the lazy daytime employees. I prefer the latter.
As do I, my dear. As do I.
Children of the 90s´s last blog ..Will Smith’s Big Willie Style
If there is something that will bring out the trolls, it is this post. If I was a troll, you better know that I’d be all over this.
Like a fat kid on cake!
That was kind of offensive, no?
Badass Geek´s last blog ..In Which I Get A Dog
Hahaha. Only YOU could complain about lack of abuse from trolls. Classic…
Is that your kind way of saying I need help?
I know. But it wouldn’t be good for blog fodder…
Paula´s last blog ..CHEER-ME-UP TUESDAY
Do restraining orders count as hate mail, cause I get tons of them…
Maybe the reason you don’t get hate mail is a fear of those of us who think you’re fabulous in those trolls…since there may clearly be something wrong with us.
There’s something wrong with all of us, my dear. It’s just how you use it.
Dani´s last blog ..The advice he was given was to say he lost a bet…to his dog…
Most trolls seem to go after mommy-bloggers. At least, that’s been my impression. Clearly, if you want to get some good troll action, you need to squeeze out some little bastards.
Take it back!!! Take it back!!!
You are mean and I hate you!
Was that good, did it make you feel better lol
But in all seriousness, why would you get hate mail- you’re so nice! You could totally be my inappropriate, super funny big sister hehe
No one’s ever called me “nice” before. Especially my sister. I think I love you.
Alana @ The Good Girl Gone Blog´s last blog ..A Pink Giveaway Extravaganza!
Dear LiLu. I hate you. You Suck.
The End.
(Oh, and I have only gotten two nasty comments in my blogging life, and one was from a troll. I have never gotten a nasty email. And I’m Mormon. I don’t go as far as you, but I’m irreverent too. Fortunately, I have a blog friend that makes me feel better and sends me random hate mail.)
Sweet, can you just forward them to me so we all get some feel-goods? Crisis averted!
Kristina P.´s last blog ..I Would Like To Buy a Bowel, Please
sadness. upon further reflection i think my comment is the definition of word vomit.
Lusty Reader´s last blog ..A negative comparison
I have even gotten hate mail, and I think I’m only really offensive to my future mother-in-law. Too bad it isn’t from her. The English is far too good…
ZING!!! Hahaha I love it!
Brooke´s last blog ..August 19, 2009
Sorry, no hate here. How can I hate someone who makes me feel so much better about myself? I mean, when I think of how fucked up my life is, I just come read your blog and I’m all better again.
Touche. And also, true. I live to serve.
Tina´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Meet Stan
maybe everyone just loves your stuff so much they can’t bring themselves to hate you or be a troll.
And maybe you’re just so sweet I could kiss you.
Kim´s last blog ..Everything is Broken
B told me that your breath smells in the morning. Gross.
I could retaliate against him here, but I promised I’d never tell what HIS breath is like in the morning.
Oops.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Half dead baby, half ice cream.
*grooooaaaaaaaan*
And also? Giggle.
Narm´s last blog ..‘Snot Right
Oh hell, I can barely type because I’m laughing so hard. Stop making me laugh when I’m sick with a sore throat, you insensitive jerk. And gimme those boots, I want to wear them with my wedding dress.
I saw someone with cowboy boots on at the wedding this weekend and I was all, “REALLY?! That is soooooo unclassy.” (Imagine me holding my nose. I don’t know why, that’s just how I show disdain, okay??) Anyhoo, then I realized she was part of the bluegrass band. And also, that I am an asshat.
Brown Girl´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday
I think some hate mail would be fun every now and then. But I’m not holding my breath.
Also, I can’t do the dead baby jokes either, but I loved the GodCon photo. That’s exactly what I imagine it to be like.
I thought I couldn’t do dead baby jokes, but the more I hear, the funnier I’m finding them.
WTF is wrong with me??
Liebchen´s last blog ..In one ear and out the other
Honey, trolls are no picnic. But I’ll hassle you as much as you want!
Ooh er, you dirty, dirty girl, you’re going straight to Hell, etc.
; )
That sounds more like a spanking than a trolling… I’m not saying I’m not into it.
Soda and Candy´s last blog ..Soda Fountain of Knowledge Language Edition: Dero Moll
No, no I got it.
Just A Girl´s last blog ..Quotes From A Ridiculous Camping Trip
Ha! As long as you don’t actually send it to him…
I am still confused. But I still totally love you.
So um, errr, seriously, what’s your zit popping advice?
“Go big or go home.” (Read: try to hit the mirror.)
hiphophippie.com´s last blog ..Slaying the Boredom Dragon: Part Deux
You’re a loose woman and a lush. Heathen. And whatnot.
Um apparently my hate comes in the form of being totally fucking Victorian. And a liar. Also, maybe they meant these pickles? I don’t know.
A three inch pickle?? Come on, that’s not doing it for anybody! (TWSS.)
Just A Girl´s last blog ..Quotes From A Ridiculous Camping Trip
I was going to try to write some hate mail for you, but I just can’t. You’re too funny and awesome.
Awww. As long as you’re laughing AT me.
What?
Lindsay´s last blog ..Ball of Nerves
What’s the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
What about a toaster oven? If it was small eno-
No. Just no.
I have so many dead baby jokes coming out of my ass it’s like the gift that keeps on giving…
What’s funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with downs syndrome.
Heyoooo
I was torn between that one and the one I chose! Great minds…
EricaNicole´s last blog ..The Beasts
I think the Trolls are afraid of you.
Hahaha I hope you’re right!
Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..Polarn O. Pyret: A Giveaway and Some Boring Home Movies of My Kids
Oh jeez, LiLu. Stop crying because everyone likes you. It’s PATHETIC!
*pouts*
Jaime | Fast Times´s last blog ..…in which the Empire State Building brings me to my knees…
What’s offensive about dead babies? It’s not like I’m gonna eat the live ones! Sheesh. Anywyay, pour yourself a Wrinkly Slut (http://wendybrandes.com/blog/2009/05/do-you-want-it-wrinkly-or-ignorant/) and drink a toast to your lack of haters.
I am gonna make TEN wrinkly sluts tonight! Hilarious.
WendyB´s last blog ..You Are Here
Hate? Let me count the ways…
1. You make more Always Sunny references than me. That show is MINE.
2. You can drink and curse like a sailor and you’ve never even been in the Navy. So disingenuous.
3. Not once – not once – have you or B been lame in person. WTF? Try having an off-day and telling a joke no one thinks is funny for once. Jebus.
I commented as Jo accidentally on your blog. Does that count as a mistake?
Also? Love your face.
f.B´s last blog ..somewhere between superstition and certainty
You’re just to hilarious to hate.
You’re too DARLING not to love.
Megan´s last blog ..Ready
*too … ugh, I need to review before I post, haha!
…despite the typos.
Megan´s last blog ..Ready
I think people are scared to piss you off. As they should be…trick hoes better not mess.
If you find Elizabeth Maries boyfriend in Asheville, please let me know…he needs to come home. kthxbai/face licks
I think they know YOU’RE on my side… and that is enough to keep them at bay. Rawwrrr!
Elizabeth Marie´s last blog ..Dawn of the Living Shred
It does seem to be politics. Perrrhaps you could air your opion on the current health care reform bill. that should cause a stir. i’ll send my brother over.
anyway i love to come here for the tone you use in your approach to life, its refreshing. and i love your bloggy entourage and all their fuck me attitudes. cause fuck me too but i don’t have the concentration or something to write about it. so i’m all fuck me…but passive in my execution.
once i get a job it’ll pretty much be fuck me on my own. i doubt i’ll get to enjoy much bloggyness… i’ll have to relate irl, which takes effort
fuck me.
We all enjoy the bloggyness from work! Just saying…
I dont take my boots off on the trampoline either.
Usually because there are dead babies and kittens on there. We play torture games with them and scare them to inches of their lives.
So long as they’re not MY kittens. Though, B does kind of play torture games with them…
LivingWicked´s last blog ..How About… Shut Up.
Your Boston Accent blows. Oh wait, I dont have one either. BLERG! i suck at bad comments.
You are WRONG, anyway! My Bahstun accent is wicked ahsum!
Julie Q´s last blog ..When did I get so old?
YOU STUPID WHOREBAG TWATNUGGET CUMDUMPSTER LINTLICKER BISCUIT EATING BULLDOG!
how’s that?
i love you.
I like it when you tear me down to build me up, baby.
GingerMandy´s last blog ..A letter.
No hate mail? At all?
And you want trolls to visit your site why? Next thing is you’ll be inviting 4chan to your little corner of the webs for a raid.
4chan? I’m getting old.
Kendall´s last blog ..At the End of the Tunnel
I can only say mean things to dumb people.
You’ve already proven you are not.
So no mean things for you.
Absent-minded, entirely foot-in-mouthy, and klutzy? YES.
Dumb? NO.
<3
J´s last blog ..At Least I Remember To Water The Plants
Seriously? You want people to hate on you? Why? I mean, I get it’s validating as a blogger to have haters. But really? How often do you get worthwhile haters?
Haters need more snark to make their existence worthwhile. Most of them are all “YOU HAVE OFFENDED ME! I AM NEVER READING YOU AGAIN! I AM OUT OF HERE! BYE! I mean it! I am leaving for REAL! Now! Please ask me to stay!” That’s self-hate. (btw, I blame the sugar rush for the uselessness of this comment)
Haha I’m just kidding! Obviously I love the lack of trolls. But I am just genuinely surprised, given my content. I was trying to be ironical.
How do you get a dead baby out of a blender?
Tortilla chips 8]
Oh, ZING. I think that’s the
bestworst one yet…hardlyhearshimself´s last blog ..I Heart 69
These trolls today . . . slackers, every one ‘em! Why, in my day, a troll took pride in his trolliness! He’d leave idiotic comment after idiotic comment. And he’d email you! What’s with these trolls today that they don’t email anymore???
On a more helpful note, if you like, I’ll send you some of the hatemail I get.
Oh, I bet you do, too. People are passionate about the naughty sexy biznas.
Riff Dog´s last blog ..Wait a Minute, Riff Dog! Who’s Kylie???
But you’re really too awesome to hate, I cant see why anyone would hate you.
I cant see anyone would hate me too but they just do, leaving nasty comments and make me feel like bursting and burn their house if i know who they are ( ha ) damn internet.
See, that I don’t understand. How on EARTH would yours draw nastiness but not mine? It makes zero sense. What I mean is, your blog is lovely, dear.
one dirty email coming through!
dont you add me on troll list now you asked for it
♥
Still waiting… impatiently…
Rizzy´s last blog ..Anti Dengue gang!
You are just way too awesome to hate!
Aww. Thanks, love.
Why don’t you just win the lottery? Every hates an effin’ millionaire! I would SO hate you then….
In fact, it pisses me off just *thinking* about you winning the lottery and my dumbass still sitting at work listening to the damn clock just tick away until my freedom bell rings.
Great! Thanks for putting me in a bad mood. Now I’m going to have to re-read all the comments to reverse the foul mood and that’s just going to eat up more of my ‘productivity’ time.
Ahhh…So now we’ve come full circle – I loved you – I hated you – and now I love you again.
Sorry Chica, you can’t win for losing
Full circle is my favoritest game. Even if I do lose, I win!
Honey, just accept it…people love you. I’ve received a few emails and comments from angry people blaming me for the problems in their love life. Enjoy the love!
I do, I will. I was just kidding around. I wouldn’t want to see what people have sent you… jealousy is the worst kind of instigator…
Miss Scorpio´s last blog ..What a trip
I dislike that you called Budda a Fat Fuck. Get off his back already he’s just big boned!
Don’t feel bad I haven’t received any hate mail/comments either just some freakish attempts at love letters sent to me.
Oh, please. Don’t even tell me Buddha won’t go to TOWN on a pile of chicken wings!
Toe´s last blog ..Warning – Another rambling post about my weekend
Welllll, you did have that one guy who was an EPIC douchebag and got all of us riled up. Can’t forget about him!
We can try, though.
Casey´s last blog ..Boobs and Boredom
wow, im so offended *storm away in a huff* reall…i am…
altho i dont think you wouldn’t get hate mail…youre just so quirky and funny…its a good thing
but really, i am offended…*walks away*
Honey, wait! Come back! I promise I’ll take the trash out more!
a!kO´s last blog ..Awesome
All I have to say is… be careful what you wish for. I used to post on message boards (yeah, I know… I KNOW!) years back and some people who hated on each others views back and forth went as far as to find out who they were and call them at work and harrass them over their view on whatever the fuck the fight of the week was. Crazy. I KNOW!!! At work! That’s not cool yo!
Oh, that is effed up. This was totally meant to be facetious- obviously I am thrilled with my lack of stalkers, if a bit insulted.
twinkie´s last blog ..Egg In Your Face
I’ve never gotten hate mail either and there are some things I have said that even I considered sending myself a nasty email.
I have gotten one rude comment and I deleted it right away. But seriously people I am very offensive and deserve hate mail.
I’ll hate on you if you hate on me. Deal?
lbluca77´s last blog ..No your other left
Yeah, I agree with MORE cursing, I like whole strings of fuckety fuck fuck type things, OH, I will troll you if you name everything you do after yourself…
Like you make a sandwich like ham and cheese like everyone else in the universe, but call it LiLu’s Ham and Cheese…that makes me batshit.
Oh, I know, tres annoying. Now excuse me while I heat up a LiLu’s Lean Cuisine…
Hotch Potchery´s last blog ..It was fun just to get to ask
What would you do without the trolls? They’re an important part of the battle against evil on the internet. I wish more funny stories your way, and more ridiculousness.
And if the battle was over, there’d be no story to tell, right?
Vie´s last blog ..A Ridiculous Confession
Alright, alright, alright, I’ll stop being so nice already. Clearly, living in the Midwest has done evil things to my formerly black New England heart.
For shame, America’s Heartland. FOR SHAME>
How do you make a dead baby float?
One dead baby, one scoop vanilla ice cream, add root beer.
Can I have coffee ice cream? Or is the caffeine bad for the baby?
Oh, wait… it’s dead.
Lost Artist´s last blog ..Multi-tasking on Tuesday with Acrobats
I don’t think Trolls are grossed out by your antics- however maybe if you make a gross political statement it’ll work.
Politics aren’t really my thing. There are issues I feel strongly about, obviously, but this is a happy place… and I intend to keep it that way.
Patrick´s last blog ..Taking Your Childhood Off The Shelf (Or Putting It Back On)
sweety, you don’t want trolls. i’ve had trolls. they are not fun. they made me cry. thankfully they left me alone. for now. i pray they died. evil nasty trolls!
Just tell me who I need to cut!
blaez´s last blog ..wanna see the screws and pins in my back??
Best Paris Hilton line I got from some stand-up comedian:
” You don’t have to be poor to be a slut” Look at Paris Hilton…
Ohhh, BURN!!!
Duh, bloggers don’t ruffle feathers. That’s the beauty of blogging. Most try to remain as non=confrontational as possible. They will just go rant about shit on their own blog instead. That’s how bloggers roll.
It’s true! I’ve never ruffled a feather in my life. *looks innocent*
egan´s last blog ..Let’s Do This
I think the long time lurker hit the nail on the head…you just come across as so real and nice and down to earth, even when you’re telling dead baby jokes. What’s not to love? I mean really.
I love YOUR FACE. Thanks, honey bun.
Gabby´s last blog ..comfort food
I will echo some of the others in saying I’d really love to do you a solid (ew! why do people say that?) and say something terrible about you, but you’re too damn hilarious. The thing is, I guess we all assume you’re being fun and cheeky and so never think to get mad about anything you say. However, I draw the line at stomping on babies … with shoes on! Take them off you miserable son of … I can’t do it. It’s too funny.
I know. I thought they weren’t… but they just are. Fun and cheeky and dead babies are the way to be!
Wait, what?
Singlegrrrl´s last blog ..Voguing during sex: yes or no? And … it’s Limerick Wednesday
OH this motherfucking RULES.
LivingWicked´s last blog ..How About… Shut Up.
Some blogs complain all the times about trolls but I’ve had my blog for 4 years and received maybe 3 nasty comments. I am not sure if it is about the content or not… maybe it’s about the person. You’re just likeable
I know, but it’s always the mildest ones that get tons of them (see: Alice)! WTF? It makes no sense!
kilax´s last blog ..Exercise is addicting? Nah…
How many dead babies does it take to paint a fence?
It depends how hard you throw them.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
GREAT one.
emvandee´s last blog ..Drunken Spaghetti.
Dead baby jokes are for amateurs. If you want to amp up the hate meter, go with the pedophile jokes.
Maybe we can mix the two… we’ll make the most offensive joke EVER!
You absolutely suck. I hate your guts. This blog is absolutely -
Ugh, forget it. I’m lying through my teeth trying to be fake mean. Not working.
Nice try! Bwa hahahahaha!
Ali´s last blog ..A Sexy 20 Questions
i hope you get a fabulous hate email that’s hilarious and has bad grammar, that always makes them more entertaining, obviously.
I get SPAM like that, (hi Paul!), but it’s soooooo not the same thing.
katelin´s last blog ..The wolves are taking over Hollywood.
Try harder darling. Everything you may say still laughable and adorable.
Just like cute chics when they poop. Their poop comes out cute and tender too.
Who the hell do you think is going to hate you? Girl please!
Could you please tell me poop it’s supposed to be cute and tender? It totally didn’t get the memo.
Porkus Magnus´s last blog ..Confession time: Out of the closet.
Even I’ve gotten hate mail! Haha.
Obviously you’re too fabulous to receive hate mail.
Your theory? I love it. <3
mandy´s last blog ..Things I Want Them To Know
This is a hilarious post. And whoever invented dead baby jokes obviously has no soul.
I agree. But I can still laugh at them, right?
Katie´s last blog ..A Crazy Day
**********STOP***********************
Storytime….
I was/am part of a group of innernet friends and we “hung out” in the ol’ blogosphere* for over 3 years… (Good times… Good fuckin’ times…) Anyhoo, one guy (who was part of our private bloggy/chat room thingy) we learned early on was a bit of a freak, and several of the lucky ladies in our group received personalized pics of his penis. Personalized, of course, by having their names Magic Marker’d onto his weenie.
Let me tell you… the fun we had with those pics… Oh man.
In closing, I would like to say I LOVE THE INTERWEBS WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Sorry for shouting…)
Anyway…. How would you feel about getting a shot of a pink penis with LILU written on it???? (Freshly shaved, I might add… Oh, and balls tucked, of course…) Would that count? Too bad I don’t have any contact with that crazy-ass motherfucker no more…..
*A few of us still hang out through f/b and so forth, but it sort of “petered” (HA!!!) out the last year, due to various Work Nazis social networking filter systems. Fuckers.
I am trying to picture how the hell I would react. I WANT to say I would laugh hysterically… and then post it for all to see.
Kris´s last blog ..The Shiz My Kids Say
Okay, since I just found out I was an auntie, the dead baby joke makes me sick. But I still love you. I know it’s just for the troll attention. The only hate comment I’ve ever gotten is that I shouldn’t be mean to people who are “just trying to say something nice” when I’m in the throes of a grief spell over the Dead Guy. I told them to fuck off.
I’m sorry! That was totally just for the trolls. And good for you. xo
k8´s last blog ..Fall Is Coming. I Can Smell It.
people are laughing too hard to be hating on you!!
Awww, I hope you’re right!
caroline´s last blog ..15 is a wonderful age!
Hehehehe. Sorry, you’re too adorably offensive.
Like, “She’s so wrong but she’s so right because she is so cute.”
Ha! I wonder if I can fit that on a T shirt…
Kez´s last blog ..My feet hurt.
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How the fuck do you live with yourself you crazy lady?!?! writing insane shit like that on the internet!??!!?
ok thats the best i can do
and btw… wtf is up with paris hiltons right leg in that picture??? did anyone else notice that serious photoshop FAIL??
you rock!
YES. She looks even more speshul than usual…
mmmm. i wish i understood that baby joke.
you want hate mail? i’ll send you some. just
for kicks. so like you know, you think you’re
doing something right and all.
I hope I’m doing SOMETHING right…
amanda´s last blog ..a little bit of monday.
That was a pretty serious dead baby joke. Also I totally drove down your street the last time I visited DC.
No way! You should have waved!
Mel – Just Fine and Dandy´s last blog ..As of Lately…
Just talk about political crap, that pisses people off!
I don’t even know the difference between a republican and democrat. I swear to god, I just know they are very different. I hate politics. And miracle whip.
I used to LOVE Miracle Whip, but I have since seen the light. Not like those damn Republicans. Or Democrats.
What?
Mr Condescending´s last blog ..How Dynamic is Mr C’s Photography? It’s not all about LOSERS!
OMG. You were dangerously close to overpaying for travel and you got no Shat-love, too? It’s official. Consider me further disillusioned.
The Shat is the devil! But at least he unblocked the Bloggess. VICTORY!!!
Colby´s last blog ..The one where my multiple personality disorder takes over
“Shat” is the best nickname ever.
Looks like you’re stuck with only adoring fans (and look, I even commented!!! Despite my fear of crowds
I love when you show your face! Trust me, I always see it in the crowd.
And YES. YES IT IS.
Vic´s last blog ..Everything should come with a holster. Or a yeti. Or a yeti holster.
I know what you mean. I figured I’d get a few people going off on me on my political-based entries, but such is not the case.
Weird. But also awesome. We can say whatever we want bwahahaha!
Extremely Witty´s last blog ..Kerosene on the Fire
Um, I don’t wanna send hate mail/post hate comments to a blogger as funny and popular as you. I might get featured on your blog. Actually, that gave me an idea. The Demigoddess will post some hate comments some time in the future and maybe you will post a blog about me telling me how much you hate me back…
But I love you, LiLu…sniff…
Haha it’s okay. We’ll just keep the love going. Viva amor!
The Demigoddess´s last blog ..I Don’t Have a Good Title For This Post But This Has Pictures In It…
Finally I thought you never offered to take them out, they are stinking up the place…
(walks back) maybe we’ll settle over pizza?
oh did you see the pics where they eat babies? and fetuses? seriously I have some serious shit pictures, it really is gross, maybe if you have those pics the trolls will come out (but i wouldn’t recommend it for those who are easily disturbed)
I am so NOT googling that. Gotta draw the line somewhere.
a!kO´s last blog ..Piece of the week: Marche Slave
Ha…this was great. A blogger actually wanting hate mail. Never came across such a request…EVER!!! Head on over to my blog, where i have to approve all my comments due to just such mail i receive. Not sure as to why people like sending me such…maybe you could figure it out and tell me. I thought your post was direct and to the point. You have a way with words and made me feel invited. I can see why your readers adore you ♥
Aww! That is great to hear, lady. Come by anytime!
well your blog is just fabulous! i enjoy it already and i will be back for more! i am so not offended…only happy i found someone else out there who just tells it like it is. <3 much love
-kacy
Thank you so much! It’s all I know.
“Politics, religion, and being a mom… all things that I want NOTHING TO DO WITH in my life. Perfection!”
That blip right there just may get you the hate mail you (don’t) want. Especially the part about not being a mom. Sad to say, even in these “modern” times, people still think that women were only put on this earth to procreate. Or, you could say that you have tattoos and/or piercings. People hate those.
I’ve found it much easier to be hated in real life.
I could, but I don’t even wear my earrings. I’m too lazy for accessories. Sad, but true.
Zan´s last blog ..A TMI Thursday Two-fer
no matter what you say and no matter what you post, we all love you. Your blog makes me laugh after a crazy day at the ofis. so how could I or anyone else ever think to write you a hate mail? hehehehehe… we love your blog =)
Awwww. And I you
ChinkyGirLMeL´s last blog ..Birthday StripTease!
hahaha, that dead baby joke was BAD, but still made me laugh. i’m going to hell.
you know, the hate mail comes to sweet, albeit somewhat annoying, religious bloggers. what’s up with that?
It’s going to be quite the party in hell… I’ll see you there.
Down and Out Chic´s last blog ..Plate Walls, because you asked for it.
I’m pretty sure it’s because you’re totally awesome and are hilarious and don’t complain or talk tons of smack about everyone and everything, like me. JK i think. ((lol))
So you’re saying up the smack? I can do that…
Nickie´s last blog ..Hello, My Name is Bill and I’m A Hurricane.
Im too good to send dirty emails xD
cough cough BS cough cough
You know what? Back when I used to, you know, blog frequently, I never got any hate mail. Just the occasionally slightly passive-aggressive comment. And then there’s Brandy, who is like the sweetest person in the world, always reporting back on the psychos who have written to her. It makes no sense!
I know! I have friends like that too- see Alice- and it makes absolutely ZERO sense. Maybe they just randomly target someone… who knows.
Princess Pointful´s last blog ..My hypothetical life on a hill
If you want people to send trolling messages, you could always post something homophobic, anti semetic, racist or otherwise hateful on the blog. Otherwise if it’s just gross, people will continue to love you considering you’re just not an egotistical bitch (unlike some people I have met both online and offline). So lack of many trolls isn’t always a bad thing.
Homophobic, anti-semitic, and racist are colors that just don’t work for me.
I think you should try out a really pleasant post and see what happens. I think trolls are looking for irrational anger and it can only be found by a pointless rant. Haha, I love that you want one! You have to post it if it happens.
Pleasant? What’s that?
Susan´s last blog ..ruins
I’m late to the party here, but I just had to leave a comment.
That dead baby joke made me laugh HARD. Like, my “stomach muscles hurt” hard.
I’m a horrible person, I know.
And if you want hate mail…piss off those pervs over at 12chan. No, not 4chan, 12chan. AKA, the bowels of the Internet. They’ll give you more than enough trouble.
These “chans” have been mentioned more than once now… I’m almost curious…
TOPolk´s last blog ..Just A Friend
I have a troll. It’s my X. It’s a yucky feeling. I could care less ifin it’s someone I don’t know. But him! yuk!!
It really stunts my writing. Or sharing. Or whatever.
Priscilla´s last blog ..Oh no she dnt!!! TMIT
“But what makes it even more amazing, I think, is that I have gotten pretty much zero hate mail. No evil comments. Zip. Zilch. Nada.”
Because you have so many people who love you – no mean hateful types would dare to mess with our Lilu! (Or else… *stares coldly at anyone thinking about it*… )
Connie´s last blog ..Too bored to blog
Ummm….so…..ummmm…..how about ‘your blog sucks ?’….no good ? I’ll try again, I’m a troll-in-training and I forgot my textbook at home today.
So what does this say abou your readers..
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