(***Pssst, hey… have you updated my feed in your reader yet?***)
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link (FYI- link has changed a bit!), so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***
Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…
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Now, I hate to do the same subject twice in a row, but this just happened on a few nights ago, and it is far, far too good not to share.
B and I have been trying to be better on weeknights (read: not get plastered). And we’ve been doing pretty well, generally. But on Tuesday, for some reason, we ended up blitzed and giggly on wine. Now, I am not complaining, as it made what happened about a thousand times funnier…
We’d decided it was bedtime and I was in our tweensy bathroom brushing my teeth when B strolled in to take his “before bed piss.” Axe Murderer the kitten has attached herself to him lately, and trotted in behind him.
As he took the stance in front of the porcelain God, she jumped up onto the back of the toilet, presumably to keep an eye on him.
Now, for those of you who may be unfamiliar with Axe Murderer, she looks like this:
Doesn’t she just ooze innocence? Yeah… withhold your judgment just yet.
So B assumes the position, as I said, and lets fly. Now we had been drinking all night, so as you can imagine, the strength of the pee-stream was considerable, my friends. Think fire-hose-esque. (And NO, I was not helping… this time.)
Axe Murderer watched in awe at first, but as time went on and he showed no signs of slowing, she got bored and looked around for something to play with. The hand towel was juuuust out of her reach, my makeup brushes were up on a shelf… and then Oh! She found the perfect toy…
And promptly swatted the upright toilet seat, causing it to TIMBERRRRRRR!!!
I watched in amusement horror as it slowly launched downwards, catching B’s powerful liquid expulsion mid-stream.
You know how when you have a garden hose, it has a steady stream of water coming out of it? And if you want to spray the helloutta somebody, you just put your thumb over the end of it, and it makes the water go everywhere?
Yeah. It was just. Like. That.
Urine flew in all directions, covering B and Axe Murderer (there is some justice in the world, after all). As he sputtered and yelped in a special brand of “I’m covered in pee!” surprise, Axe flew about nine feet in the air and streaked out of the bathroom yowling uriney murder.
(Most likely to go rub herself dry on my pillow, but it was worth it… oh, it was worth it.)
God, what I would give to have that precious, precious moment on video. It’s like baby’s first steps, but infinitely better. Also if Bob Saget was still doing the America’s Funniest Home Videos thing, you KNOW that 10K would be mine.
Update: I decided to recreate the moment visually to make up for the lack of video. Enjoy.
Happy TMI Thursday, blogglets!
Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…
Maxie’s TMI Thursday: Oh, Well I Have a Cold
WickedCourtni’s TMI Thursday: 3 Broads and a Little H.J.
Zan’s TMI Thursday, or Why Jagermeister is the Devil’s Kool-Aid
Floreta’s TMI Thursday: Cam it Up
mylittlebecky’s not a good tmit
Stephanie’s TMI Thursday: No it’s snot
Jill Pilgrim’s Guess What? Its Naked Time.
DC Princess’ TMI Thursday: Satan’s Piss
Big Sis’ TMI Thursday: My Vagina is Broken
Erica Nicole’s TMI Thursday: I need a little more “substance”
jenniferalaine’s tmi thursday: i’m nobody’s scratching post.
Sean’s TMI Thursday: Dance Dance
verybadcat’s TMI Thursday: In Which I Serve My Country
Gilahi’s “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” – The Beatles
Jeff’s titanic mistake
RachelSmiles’ TMI Thursday: proceed with caution
Jackie’s TMI Thursday: Like a Virgin
ClaireMD’s tmi thursday: beat it, don’t veet it
shine’s TMI Thursday (not really) – My vacation hated me. Or at least the travel parts did.
Lucy’s TMI Thursday: Vacation, pooping in bushes and IV’s!
Desiree Aubigny’s TMI Thursday: Couch Peeing
Vittoria’s TMI Thursday: Monica and Chandler ain’t got nothing on us
Jassie’s TMI Thursday- It’s All About The Flaps
nicopolitan’s TMI Thursday: Of Porn And Preaching
Katy’s Keeping the Romance Alive: TMI Thursday
Mb’s TMI: Tokyo Toilets
Hillbilly Princess’ TMI Thursday– I paid for those!
Lindsay’s TMI Thursday: The Dumpster
miss. chief’s this blog is my way of making sweaty lemonade
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I just about DIED when you told us this story last night. I am so glad you wrote it out. You forgot to mention how B stumbled into the bathtub.
Oh Axe Murderer, you are my new hero.
PQ´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: Satan’s Piss
If I’d had time I would have vlogged the story like you suggested… the hand gestures make it, I think.
Too funny.
Also? That is the best name for a cat. EVER.
Badass Geek´s last blog ..In Which I Avert My Eyes
Yeah. I have B to thank for that one. Sigh.
That would make a great MasterCard commercial -
15 bottles of wine – XXX price
Cost for one small kitty – XXX price
Watching one small kitty get B to be sprayed on by his own pee through shenanigans – Priceless
littlemsblogger´s last blog ..Rant and Rave Wednesday
HAHAHAHA genius!!! I should send them a letter… of course B will have to reenact it for the commercial!
This could only happen at your house. Thank God.
So true. WHY?!
Haha, hilarious!
We’re getting a kitten tomorrow, and I’m actually looking forward to funny stories like this.
Megan´s last blog ..Reasons I love Husband
I’m betting the “reasons you love husband” has a lot to do with that new kitten.
Nice! I came home a while back after celebrating my graduation and I was of course taking an epic drunk piss when my dog ran in behind me and took out my knees. Yea, all over. Worst part, I was so hammered I totally forgot it happened… Until my female roommate came home. Yea, I am special.
justjp´s last blog ..Who would play you?
You didn’t blog this WHY??
God I hope he wasn’t wearing the green shirt. That shirt seems to attract bodily fluids.
Axe murderer is my hero.
Maxie´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: But I have a cold
Oh, that green shirt. I’m thinking it may get “lost” in our move…
You never interrupt the stream, and just like Ghostbusters, you never EVER cross the streams!
Eric´s last blog ..Awards, Guitar Riff, and Signs
Rules to live by.
This is great! This is why, unless I know where my cats are, I sit on the toilet. (Well, that and it makes reading in the bathroom easier).
Malnurtured Snay´s last blog ..Some people buy GRE books, and I just want to tell them, “Based on what I’ve observed of your behavior today, you are clearly intelligence fail and should just save your fifty bucks, please and thank you.”
You win the medal for longest post title EVER.
Urine is very good for the skin so B wins.
Lemmonex´s last blog ..Hopefully Not that Terrible
Please see moog’s comment.
OMG SO FUNNY!! I wish you would have videotaped that one!!
Margarita´s last blog ..20sb Blog Swap – Ramblings
Me too. I just made a new visual though. See above.
Awesome! lol
And you didn’t think to grab your video camera?
(Oh, yeah, the whole penis thing. Maybe you could have held it – not the penis, the camera, lol – so that the body part didn’t show.)
Ahhh, maybe not. lol
Sheila´s last blog ..The ‘Well’ Room.
I just created a rated G visual for your viewing pleasure.
That’s HILARIOUS!!!
Jessica´s last blog ..Hump Day Rambling
I sure thought so.
Hahahahaha .. oh boy, that kitty ! She just looooves drama
77% Angel 23% Pure axe-murderer Evil
Aritza, Goddess of ..´s last blog ..Goddess of .. I’m The Law, Bitches !
Nope. 10% cute, 1150% evil.
You didn’t say whether or not it caught YOU, too…
k8´s last blog ..Work Is Completely Overrated
For once, I didn’t get any bodily fluid on me.
TWSS.
i THINK this might be why my mom doesn’t allow pets at home!!
nashe´s last blog ..Trolley Trolls (“Les Trolls du Trolley”?)
She is a smart lady.
Just wait until the Axe Murderer decides to help with the lovin’… there’s nothing quite like having to swat a cat off the bed. In fact, I think I know what to post for next week’s TMI now…
Hilarious. My favorite part is that you didn’t get hit with any pee. You got to watch the whole thing and came through completely unscathed. Score!
verybadcat´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: In Which I Serve My Country
I know. For ONCE, I wasn’t the but of the joke.
Bwah hahahahaha!
I bet Bob Saget would have had some really particularly hilarious narration for your video, if it existed, and you most certainly would have won. God, I used to love that show.
My whole family watched it together every Sunday and made fun of how dorky he was. If only I knew Bob then like I know him now… he is one sick bastard.
First off, I need to say that I don’t want to be around when Lemmonex washes her face in the morning.
Actually..on second thought:
Lemmonex: How you doin’?
Secondly, shit like this is why God invented Depends Undergarments. Piss in your own diaper and you never have to worry about cats causing you to piss on your own face.
I believe that’s in the marketing pamphlet.
moooooog35´s last blog ..The Conversation Piece #2 – The Birthday Wish
We should send that to them. I’m pretty sure they’ll want to start a new marketing campaign based on it.
Now, I’m wondering why you two don’t walk around with a video camera at all times. It’s not like you wouldn’t have plenty to capture on film.
Miss Scorpio´s last blog ..Leaving town
I know. I should start up a fund for a video camera…
And in a related story, fire fighters drink lots of beer to honour their ancestors. That’s how fires were first put out, and it also explains why there are very few female fire fighters (just not good at aiming the hose).
Mike´s last blog ..A Use for the Morbidly Obese!
But now we have the P-Mate!
I love the absence of modesty with our pets. My puppy will do her business and then not hesitate to lick herself in her special place and then try and lick me. As with Axe Murderer, your pillow – there are no boundaries.
colby´s last blog ..TARP dollars instant messenger chat (round 2)
What are these “boundaries” you speak of?
Please keep a camera in hand wherever you go.
Actually, just go ahead and film everything you and B do. Ok wait, not EVERYTHING.
Marie´s last blog ..The Answer is ‘NO’
Well, we’ll film it… you just don’t need to see it.
It’s stuff like this which make me excited about Thursdays.
And stuff like this that makes me glad we have a strict “No Public Peeing” rule in our house! Haha…
blueskies´s last blog ..Dream
How to make kittens respect the rules, though?!
LMFAO! I’m at work and having to hold in my laughter, funniest blog I’ve read in a while…
Aww, thank you so much!
LMAO that is freaking hilarious! What was B’s reaction? Because I feel like my husband would have immediately tried to murder the cat.
Cassie´s last blog ..Opossums & Family Pets
We’re used to this crap from her. She is a little devil, that one.
My cat just wanders into the bathroom while you are taking your Righteous Morning Dump, and meows at you until you turn the bathtub water on, so she can have a fresh drink…
So weird. Mine always come in and poop in the litterbox next to me while I’m going. WTF??
A.W.E.S.O.M.E.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
l.o.v.´s last blog ..the wandering man
I thought so.
I love that you named that cute little fuzzy thing “axe murderer.” I have two cats, and I know all about the cutest-thing-on-earth cover. lol
MJ´s last blog ..Top of the World
It is lucky for them… otherwise they would be in a Chinese restaurant somewhere.
What?
Ha ha, that was great! I don’t own cats but I hear they are quite the trouble makers!
BrownGirl´s last blog ..SeXy
So many broken wine glasses…
I think this is why dogs are considered “man’s best friend” and cats are, well, cats.
Racquel Valencia´s last blog ..Et Cetera
Yeah. But cats can poop all by themselves. FTW!
I guess I should not whine so much about not having pets. I’d be crazy if I’m drenched in pees ew! Lol.
It’s just a little extra flavor!
lmao… how did that tiny lil kitty push the toilet seat down??
Jackie´s last blog ..The lazier a man is, the more he plans to do tomorrow. ~ Norwegian Proverb
That’s an older picture. She’s about twice as big now, and proportionately more trouble.
you’ve entertained me for so long LiLu, I felt guilty for never partaking. Here is the first time I’ve tried:titanic mistake
Jeff´s last blog ..i’m scrappy
Yayyyy! Thanks for playing, and welcome to the gang
Too funny!!!! My kitten has a thing about jumping on the toilet too! She also loves to jump on my back when I get out of the shower. It used to be funny when I had my bathrobe on but the bare skin approach is getting old. Although it looks like my boyfriend is an animal!!! lol!
My cats sit on the ledge in the shower WITH me and watch. Cute or creepy?
OMG, I had to literally cover my own mouth to not burst out laughing while at work.
soooo f’in funny!
Lauren ´s last blog ..The bane of my existence
Let it out. It’s not good to keep the laughter in. xoxo
Seriously, your life is mirroring my earlier existence, when I first shacked up with my then-boyfriend-now-husband, and we got 2 kitties. Just replace “pee and toilet seat” with “cat surprising us by licking my boyfriends balls during some energetic living room coitus”, and we’re total twins.
Kris´s last blog ..Summer, how I love thee…
Twinsies! I bet something like that happens before too long…
Sounds like a scene in a movie- it would of been funny to have on video… it’s the kind of funny that would of end up on AFV with Bob Saget doing a voice over for the cat.
Patrick´s last blog ..What’s Your Walk-Up Music?
Seriously, it was out of Something About Mary. Priceless.
Pft. I’ve had longer.
Malnurtured Snay´s last blog ..Keyboard? How Quaint!
TWSS.
Too easy.
yuck!!! your images are priceless, priceless.
Down and Out Chic´s last blog ..Respect vs. Popularity
I’m going to take that as a compliment.
hahaha gosh! i love your visual
wow that is hiilarious!
floreta´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: Cam it Up
I think the bowtie really makes it.
love it! i’m happy that you were spared.
http://thelittlethingsthatmakemesmile.blogspot.com/2009/07/tmi-thursday-proceed-with-caution.html
RachelSmiles´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: proceed with caution
As am I, my dear. As am I.
Oh, thank God my boss is out today. I was able to laugh out loud with no fear.
BeckEye´s last blog ..A Post of Apatowian Proportions
File that under “Things I Love to Hear.”
Oh my God, that is too funny! Poor Mr. B, covered in urine.
Jill Pilgrim´s last blog ..Guess What? Its Naked Time. Also? NSWF. Unless You Work In The Adult Entertainment Industry, In Which Case You’re Probably Okay.
He had it coming. I don’t even know why. But I’m sure he did.
I totally saw that one coming. =)
phampants´s last blog ..ET09: Brand New Day
Still pretty awesome, though, no?
Yeah, and the facial expression.
Priceless.
HA! I thought he was going to fall in the toilet. You caught me by surprise you did.
Nikki´s last blog ..Hot Dog!
I’ll tell him to aim for it next time she pulls that move.
Oh man, I wish you were going to NYC next month. You never fail to make me laugh.
Jaime´s last blog ..The Short Goodbye
So do I! BUT I will be there either in September or October or both… my gay bf is going to be there for two months from Cali!
Sexy bowtie!
ifihadtopickfive´s last blog ..You must first diagnose a problem in order to solve it
Rawwwr.
kittens today, pfft. back in my day we didn’t have any of these urine obsessed kittens. we had honest, god (dog?) fearing kittens! or something.
mylittlebecky´s last blog ..not a good tmit
She was sassing him.
I posted one! http://liferehab.wordpress.com/2009/07/31/tmi-thursday-like-a-virgin/
Jackie´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: Like a Virgin
Woot! Thanks for playing
Good times. Good times.
Summer´s last blog ..Breakin’ A Foot Off In Someone’s Ass
Just think of all the trouble that little cat is going to cause in the future.
I seriously thought you were going to accidentally knock him over and he falls into his own pee.
Allison´s last blog ..two years later and I’m still a-posting…
This is why us men generally are not cat friends. Dogs can’t be that nimble to jump to the top of the toilet and accidentally knock over a part.
Big Money Tony´s last blog ..End of a Radio Era
you should vlog a reenactment like they do on those murder-mystery shows.
clairemontgomerymd´s last blog ..tmi thursday: beat it, don’t veet it
That picture you made is motherfucking PRICELESS.
“Now, for those of you who may be unfamiliar with Axe Murderer, she looks like this:”
The kitty is cute too. What is her name?
One of my friends told me a story about their cat when she was but a wee tiny kitten using a certain part of the mail anatomy as a wee teeny punching bag during an intimate moment.
Beware those innocent kitties around your junk, B. Beware.
wafelenbak´s last blog ..Results & Committments…& Microwaves
It’s even better that now I’m picturing the whole scenario with B in a bow tie. That is truly priceless.
shine´s last blog ..TMI Thursday (not really) – My vacation hated me. Or at least the travel parts did.
Two teaspoons.
That how much pee I laughter leaked when reading this.
This just might be my favorite TMI yet. Freaking awesome.
And—my cat, Jax, looks exactly like your little Axe Murderer. Same coloring, same devilish innocence. I think they’re soul mates. Axe and Jax. Doesn’t that have a cute little ring to it?
Hannah´s last blog ..One size fits all.
That is hilarious. Of course it was his own pee I mean just think if it would have been someone elses. Wait, why would he be standing watching another guy pee? Ok That’s TMI even for me.
Hilarious Lilu. Absolutely frickin’ awesome. Axe Murderer has a devious sense of humor!
Desiree Aubigny´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: Couch Peeing
you dont happen to plan to carry the vcam every time you see B running to the loo, do you?
the girl in stiletto´s last blog ...musing about my job.
I will admit I’m kind of sad that there isn’t a video.
OMG! I was doing my silent ‘I’m at work reading LiLu’s TMI’ laught but just broke the silence when I made it down to the visual aide. AFHV 10K would fursure be yours!
Lauren´s last blog ..days of grace – forty eight
the mental image of this is truly amazing.
Vittoria´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: Monica and Chandler ain’t got nothing on us
That’ll teach her, the nosey fucker.
Stephanie´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: No it’s snot
I think I peed my pants reading this! HAHA! I love the reenactment of it all. Perfection.
Sevi´s last blog ..you’re my forever friend.
lol…you had me worried when she was looking for a toy and his member was in her view!
hanako66´s last blog ..7 things you did not know before
OMG. Too bad you don’t have video of said episode going down.
I put one up today, too. Woot. http://katystreamsherconsciousness.blogspot.com/
Katy (from A Life Fulfilled and Katy Streams Her Consciousness)´s last blog ..Keeping the Romance Alive: TMI Thursday
i wasn’t sure anything could live up to the in-person telling, but that photo aid is PRICELESS.
Alice´s last blog ..it’s probably only TMI because i mention The Sex
This is way too funny for work. I’m not supposed to be enjoying myself here, but here I am, laughing.
That is totally awesome.
It made me think of the time my dog, Kobe, used to watch me get ready in the morning. He would always sit on top of the toilet seat as I did my makeup however one morning someone had forgotten to put the lid down and Kobe didn’t know that. He jumped up there to sit only realizing that there was a hole filled w/ water where he normally sits his rump and @ the last second spread his front 2 legs so wide open that he caught himself but his head was dangling in the toilet (not in the water) and his back 2 legs were scrambling in the air! It was so funny. I grabbed him quickly b/c I’m no heartless animal abuser, but good god I laughed so hard at that and still do. The image is burned in my mind.
Kellie´s last blog ..I Left My Heart in Chi-town
lol….I collage makes the story 10x better.. : )
Lil’ Woman´s last blog ..Mommy Moment…
Hahaha, I was not expecting that! I’m not sure what I was expecting, however. That’s awesome, and such a completely odd way to pee on oneself. Axe Murderer is very cute, by the way.
Brooke´s last blog ..I’m So Wrong When I’m Right
It is proven!!! Axe Murderer must be, somehow, genetically yours and B’s!!
Titania´s last blog ..The office is fattening me up
lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is PERFECT! hahahahaha
Cassi´s last blog ..Where the eff did these Carpet Dudes come from?!?!
That is hilarious!
mandy´s last blog ..Somewhere Over The Rainbow
a) i was so worried Axe was gonna jump into the stream to play with it or something
b) this is so, so much better. and B should be forgiven for any screaming he may have done. he was covered in his own urine by surprise. screaming = validated.
f.B´s last blog ..i would play the fool
i was predicting that axe would start swatting the stream of piss. this is so awesome. that cat looks way too innocent.
GingerMandy´s last blog ..The topic of this blog is mayonnaise, but you won’t know that until close to the end. Sorry.
Golden showers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urolagnia) and water sports engaged in by the whole family..Now that’s taking kinkiness to a different level.
Wait, I feel disgusted about myself now.
I totally thought she was going to whack at something else. ah ha
Kristin´s last blog ..Mamma Mia!
that is one hell of a recreation with those pictures.
i’m very impressed by your mad skills.
amanda´s last blog ..i just want to crawl into bed and sleeeeep.
hahahaha i just laughed through that whole post, that is amazing. and the picture makes it even funnier. oh your cats are wiley, haha.
katelin´s last blog ..Just one more BlogHer post.
That’s purrrfect!
Cats are wonderful, are they not?
My kitty liked to scratch his itchy asshole on my toothbrush that sat conveniently in the toothbrush holder.
I caught him one day…now my husbands toothbrush sits there instead.
Blonde Goddess´s last blog ..Moist…the word of the day….
I can’t decide if the story or the pictoral version was better. It’s a toss-up.
Sassy Britches´s last blog ..Things I Want Thursday: Vacation Edition
Oh so classic! Nothing that exciting happens around here. Oh well, maybe one day!
Elizabeth´s last blog ..A drum roll, please?
Cats and hangly-dangly things DO NOT MIX. But hopefully Axe Murderer has learned her little kitty lesson.
However, something tells me this is not the end of her potty shenanigans!
Zandria´s last blog ..TMI Thursday, or Why Jagermeister is the Devil’s Kool-Aid
That’s brilliant, and so brilliant in fact that I’m sorry I’m so late.
I was confused by the photo though – for a moment I wasn’t sure which was the Axe Murderer.
It made me smile to read of the “before bed piss.” I love my “before bed piss.”, it makes me feel ready for a night’s sleep, it is actually very comforting to know that in theory I am “sorted” for the night.
gold. gold.
i especially love the little visual. you work so hard for your readers and i love you for it
Lindsay´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: The Dumpster
Oh she’s gotta be more than 10% cuteness with her little black and white furxedo !
Aritza, Goddess of ..´s last blog ..Goddess of .. Rami’s vacation and the Exclusivity Issue !
OMG! LMAO! I really need to get back into TMI Thursdays! I’ve only had a chance to do one… Hmm…
Britt´s last blog ..Flashback Friday: Joggers and Mailboxes
I so thought this was going in a much darker direction, with Axe Murderer swiping B himself…
But alas!
It was still pretty good! Brilliant diagram.
Sebastian´s last blog ..That stereotypically dorky and uncomfortable photo for the albums…
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