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***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link (FYI- link has changed a bit!), so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***
Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…
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Alright, my lovelies. I’ve decided to give you a bit of a break and go easy on you today. This lovely memory is from “The Summer After College In Which I Lived in the Crack House Where That Stripper Who Wrongly Accused the Duke Lacrosse Team of Raping Her Used to Live, Because the Rent Was $100 Each for Me and the 4 Disgusting Druggie Boys Living There, But That Was Cool Because I Had Just Graduated and All I Wanted to Do Was Bartend and Party My Face Off Anyway.”
Phew.
So, right, it was that summer, and though I’d been in Carolina for nearly four years, they still hadn’t made a Southerner out of this Masshole. My bff Kristin decided she needed to fix that, then and there, and the best way to do that?
A country music concert.
Now, keep in mind, up to this point I had pretty much been one of those “I’ll listen to anything EXCEPT country” ignant asshats. But I love her, I love tailgating, and I love boys with trucks, so I agreed to go.
We rolled into the parking lots and all you could see was truck after truck after SUPER jacked up truck with a pair of chrome testicles hanging off the back hitch.
Guess which one we were in?
At least we weren’t rocking the Confederate flag across the rearview window, which, oh, 75% or so most definitely were.
But the people were friendly, the beer was flowing, and I’ve never been one to turn down a good time.
Kristin and I thought it would be a much more authentic experience if we brought… you guessed it… a couple of malt liquor 22′s. And of course, it can’t just be ANY malt liquor. We went for the real deal with Schlitz:
(Please to excuse the awful picture. The giggles will do that to a girl.) Now, just in case you are unfamiliar with what a can o’ Shlitz really looks like, up close and personal:
(Incidentally, the reason I was reminded of this story? I found one of these in my fridge after my 4th of July barbeque…)
Have you ever had one of these? It tastes kinda like burnt tire simmered in some old-fashioned roadkill stew, before being topped off with just the right amount of kitten diarrhea. Needless to say, before too long, we switched over to our college tried and true…
Anyschlitz, as everyone who’s ever attended a tailgating kinda concert knows, there is one major hiccup in the planning of such events…
The need to relieve oneself. The porta potties always have lines for days, if one could actually bring oneself to USE them. Fortunately for us, Kristin and I are “roughing it” kinda girls, and took care of business in the woods (waiting time: ZERO; chance of peeing on your leg: 1000%) before heading towards the stadium.
We were literally about to walk inside when I, in my drunken stupor, insisted that I HAD TO PEE THAT VERY SECOND and could not wait to get inside. Looking around, I noticed a few bushes to the right of the ticket-taking structure, and to Kristin’s horror, slipped behind them to TCOB.
I depantsed, squatted, and relieved, probably quite audibly, if I know myself. I gave a little one-two-shake, turned around to button up…
And realized that I had forgotten that there was an ENTIRE STADIUM OF PEOPLE directly behind me.
Watching.
Three boys in particular watching very, very intently.
Thank goodness I have a friend conscientious enough to catch an action shot of my reaction as I crawled out of the bushes in shame:
Thanks, Kbo. What WOULD I do without you…
FYI? Those three guys tried to high five me when we walked through the gates.
Urinating FAIL.
Scratch that…
LIFE fail.
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Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…
Pilgrim Jill’s The Number Two Reason You Should Not Sleep With Amanda From My Freshman Year Art History Class
Maxie’s TMI Thursday: Overshare?
pithycomments’ TMEye Thursday
WickedCourtni’s TMI Thursday: Uninvited PenisGuest & Cherry Pop.
Stephanie’s TMI Thursday: It was the 80′s!
Miss Rambles’ Thursday Confessions
mylittlebecky’s schanimal schex (tmit)
BigSis’ TMI Thursday: A Poll for the Ladies
heischic’s TMI Thursday: Pop?
iNDefatigable mjenks’ TMI Thursday: Honest Scrap
PrincessQ’s TMI Thursday: And I…Pissed My Pants
f.B’s unAmerican Pie
caviandra’s TMI thursday: disgusting in a different way
Mb’s Unprofessional Professionals
The Foggy Dew’s TMI Thursday: The strangers
bing’s TMI Thursday – Wedding Edition
Liebchen’s TMI Thursday: The one in which I run my heart, or rather, my guts, out
Taylor’s TMI Thursday: What Have I Done?!?
JFo’s TMI Thursday: Embarrassing Photo Edition
Just A Girl’s TMI Thursday: Hot Off The Presses
shine’s TMI Thursday – Lock it up
Angela’s TMI Thursday: What a Dream
Vittoria’s TMI Thursday: the sappy version
The Demigoddess’ Why The Demigoddess Was a Virgin in High School
Floreta’s TMI Thursday: Firsts
Erica Nicole’s TMI Thursday: If a tree falls in the woods…
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Awesome. And I must say that I am incredibly impressed that you were able to finish a can Schlitz, as even just seeing the photo made my gag reflex act up. High five!
*high fives*
Being the asshole that I am, I would’ve given them a high-five back.
I probably did.
I am so scared to pee in the woods as I don’t want to get poison oak on my pachach.
Pachach? Is that Jewish?
“It tastes kinda like burnt tire simmered in some old-fashioned roadkill stew, before being topped off with just the right amount of kitten diarrhea.”
Awesome. Sounds a lot like my cooking.
Props for being able to pull it all off with a smile! Although methinks the can o’ malt liquor played a role in that…
Everything’s klassier if you do it with a smile.
It was the Schlitz. If it had been Steel Reserve, it never would’ve happened. The human body can’t process Steel Reserve that quickly, not even to reject it. You wouldn’t have had to pee so soon.
Genius… filing that away. Although I think the only place I might need that info is Nissan, and you couldn’t pay me to go back out there.
You are one klassy dame, dear. With a capital P…I mean…K.
It can be both.
As you get older you find ways around the lack of porta-crappers like, say, for instance, renting a bus when you and your friends go see a certain summer entertainer so you have your own, private bathroom. A friend of mine, who’s a doc, decided it was worth it to him to underwrite half the cost so he and his friends could party, and pee, in style. The only drawback: people sneaking in to use it (ohh, just thought of a tmer! score!)
Also, from the pictures, looks like you were pissing on Carter-Findley so that earns you double points in the bonus round!
“Peeing in style” = AWESOME. Life is too short not to.
Oh man, and here I thought I was the closest to that fame and infamy because I’ve been to the same Kroger parking lot where she got let off after the party.
Thanks for crushing my dreams.
Also, at a Jimmy Buffet concert once, some girl peed right there, right beside me. Lawn seats are awesome.
And, in grad school, I drank way too much of the Blue Bull. Did you know they also have a bottle with a Red Bull on it? I don’t know if the recipe is different because they both taste like death, but there you have it.
They DO both taste like death. Very deathy death.
Hehehehe ! Oh well, some things are just meant to be. At least when people see your rear-end it isn’t because you’re pole-dancing or anything .. it’s for a noble cause!! Unless you have another TMIT story you wanna share… hehe
I’m not coordinated enough for pole dancing… it’d be more of a “broken nose” story than a TMI…
That is one funny story!
Something similar happened to a friend of mine. We were on a vacation in Spain, walking to the beach at night. She suddenly had to pee and decided to go behind some bushes next to the street. Turned out these bushes were not on the side of the street, but on the middle of a rotary. After a few seconds, several cars came along and she was illuminated in all her pantless glory.
It was awesome. One of the best vacation memories ever.
“Pantsless glory” – LOVE IT.
Awesome! I peed all over my pants while doing something similar at a beach party. And then? Because I’m even more awesome, I decided to just go in the lake with all my clothes on so no one would notice.
Ha! What’s Kate doing in the lake? Oh, just being her zany self! DEFINITELY not washing urine off…
I like your courage about urination. Some men find that strangely attractive… like, say, the kind of guy who stare at you while you pee with sweet dreams of you giving them a golden shower.
And now I will have nightmares.
BTW- bonus point to Lemmonex for using the word “pachach”
I’d google it if I weren’t so damn lazy.
what’s college w/out the occasional out-door bathroom etiquette?
This was AFTER college, when I was allegedly a grown up.
Oh, wait… that still hasn’t happened yet.
Girl didn’t you know that Schlitz is a “natural” diuretic?
I tried that peeing in the bushes recently when I was running and no bathroom in site. I got a big surprise a day later. Poison Ivy ass.
Thank goodness I don’t get the ivy, or I probably would have too…
The way I see it you gotta pee at least once in your life outdoors. If not more. You haven’t lived if you haven’t peed outside.
Also we did not bring the Schlitz.
Wait, you brought the underager, didn’t you?? It was totally her!
That’s odd….you don’t look very shameful…
Never have, never will.
I loved that we tailgated for ice hockey down in NC. but yeah, I do remember a lot more trucks than up north.
Oh hell yeah we did! Go Canes!
i got poison oak on my left butt cheek at camp one summer. no one wanted to high five that…
Except your right butt cheek.
“go easy on you” uh that description gave me a headache because I read it twice to understand what was going on.
Can’t relate as being a man, I just unzip and let go. However, in my rebellious youth, I never had Schlitz. Worst alcholic beverage I had is a three way tie between PBR, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, and Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler. But I have a love/hate relationship with tequila.
PBR is the nectar of the gods! For shame.
Mmh, for some reason my comment was not submitted. I’ll try again.
That really is a funny story. Something similar once happened to a friend of mine when we were on a vacation in Spain. We were walking down to the beach in the middle of the night when she suddenly had to pee so she went into some bushes next to the street.
Turned out that these bushes were not on the side of the street, but on the middle of a rotary. After a few seconds, several cars came along and illuminated her in all her pantless glory.
It was awesome. One of the best vacation memories ever.
Stupid spam filter. Sorry your first one got caught… I’m working on it.
This story reminds me of seeing two malt liquered ladies peeing next to a building on pubic street.
Yup… that’s about right.
My friends and I used to hit the Bull every time we’d go to the beach down in Wilmington. Nothing quite like a cold fo’ty in your hand while sitting on the dock watching the night go by.
From the looks of that picture LiLu, it appears you relieved yourself on Carter-Findley Stadium. Double points! Score!
Stupid spam filter. Sorry your first one got caught… I’m working on it.
I think that is a serious urinating win. After the NJ marathon a few years ago I peed on the side of the Turnpike where all the bitches who just beat me passed by.
Honking.
They’re just jealous. *strokes hair*
I spent 4 years in North Carolina too, and I never even made it to a country music concert. So, kudos for that! However, I did drink some nasty beverages. Never Schlitz, but how does Orange Driver compare? Ahhh, memories of finding ridiculously cheap ways to get drunk.
Orange Driver? I am unfamiliar, AND intrigued…
i got poison oak on my left butt cheek at camp one summer. ..no one wanted to high five that one!
Stupid spam filter. Sorry your first one got caught… I’m working on it.
Beer. Shudder. Ugh. Yuck. Gross.
Really? Communist!
HIGH FIVE!
*bumps it*
i love the title of this post.
and you lived in THAT house? i love it.
and you know that i’ve done the same thing in the woods at greatwoods/tweater/whateverthefuckitscalled now a days also.
Seriously. I can’t keep track. How many times over has it been bought now?
At least you made an attempt to be discreet even though the Schlitz insured it was less than a perfect attempt at discretion. Much better than the time I left a friend’s house party in college to find a girl popping a squat over the front doormat of his ‘real person’ next door neighbor.
Discreet is my middle name…
ooops! i am so bad at public urination. i just hold it until my kidneys explode. action shot=awesome!
Thanks to Kbo for that one…
oops! i am so bad at public urination. i just hold it until my kidneys explode. action shot=awesome.
Stupid spam filter. Sorry your first one got caught… I’m working on it.
I hope you high fived them. Then made note to them about how you didn’t wash your hands beforehand (not that it matters at a country music festival).
I know. They probably would have enjoyed my juices.
WHAT?
Love how you still were carrying a beer can *while* peeing in front of a stadium full of people.
Well. Obviously.
I guess you really took that bull by the horns.
And you’d obviously been in the South too long. A true massy would have high fived them, wiped her hand on one of their shirts, and said “Thanx, I didn’t have any TP.”
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Well played, my dear.
You probably made their day. Let’s be honest here.
At least they got a story out of it…
Oh my goodness! I love the picture of you coming out of the bushes! Priceless!
I get called that a lot.
At least you made an attempt to be discreet even though the Schlitz meant it was less than a perfect attempt at discretion. Much better than the time I left a friend’s house party in college to find a girl popping a squat over the front doormat of his ‘real person’ next door neighbor.
Stupid spam filter. Sorry your first one got caught… I’m working on it.
That is absolutely hilarious and fabulous. I love how they wanted to high 5 you!
Totes magotes. They were classy guys.
That. Is awesome. I mean it. I love it. I totally would’ve high-fived the dudes, too. Own that urinating/life FAIL!
I had a dream about port-a-potties last night, for reasons unbeknownst and utterly puzzling to me.
That’s not a dream… that’s a nightmare!
I love it.
I once peed in front of a bus full of strangers. Literally squatting in the beam of the headlights so the bus wouldn’t take off without me.
ps- those cans of Shlitz scare me a little. They have “Upcoming Epic fail & embarrassment” written all over them.
It’s fine print, though! It was too late when I saw it…
Well…I guess they know now how that bush died.
Whatever. My rash has cleared up!
Hahaha. Damn. I wish I was that bold. Not that I can’t pee in the wild (I have on several occasions), but doing it in a place that public is awesomely brazen.
Let’s go with brazen. Instead of “dumb as fuck.”
you make the peeing outdoors queen so proud! high fives all around, sister!
Where’s my crown??
You need the Shenis….
http://www.shenis.com/
I don’t know if it would fit in my pocket…
Schlitz! Classy girl! Love the pics!
True action shots!
That’s hilarious. And I LOVE the action shot!
Did I mess up on the button? Because I didn’t get linked to…I didn’t get linked to last week either
I fixed it! Won’t happen again, I promise! xo
Hahahahahhahahha I remember this!!
Thanks for posting those fugly fat pics of me!!! Oh well.
That was a fun concert though…I’m pretty sure I was covered in piss by the time we entered the YES ITS CARTER FINLEY I HATE NC STATE stadium. Ahhh memories….of hanging balls on trucks.
Oh please, I was 10 times fatter than you.
I should’ve looked through FB for a pic of the chrome balls. I bet he’s got some on there… or Bone does.
HAHA! I’m in tears of laughter over that. It was just what I needed this gloomy Thursday California morning!
You are SO welcome
That’s hilarious, LiLu! And I love the action shot!
I think I may have messed up on the linking or something because I didn’t get linked to last week or this week
Help me pwease?
Stupid spam filter. Sorry your first one got caught… I’m working on it.
Haha you totally should have high fived them! and I just went to the Shenis website. My brother and I were just talking about having to pee outdoors and he said they now have a contraption for concert-goers where you can pee and it goes down a long tube down your leg into something at the bottom of your foot. Of course then he had to add the face that it’s like an instant foot warmer! ew!
Yeah… I’m trying to think how that would work with shoes on… GROSS.
Just another reason I don’t pee outside.
You and Lex are so weird with your “things”. I honestly don’t think I have one.
Damn. I accidentally commented twice.
And now three times. My bad.
It’s my fault! My damn spam filter is wack. I’m thinking of just taking it off…
I have to tell you two things:
1) I have a pick up truck
2) I successfully entered the word ‘poocules’ into the urban dictionary.
That is all.
1) I LOVE YOU.
2) I am looking it up right now.
That is all.
Okay, I don’t think my comment posted. Damn Lithuanian internet. I spent 4 years in North Carolina too, but it didn’t make a Southerner out me either. I never even made it to a country concert. So, kudos on that! I did drink some bad malt liquor, however. Never Schlitz, but how does Orange Driver compare? Ahh, memories of finding ways to get drunk for ridiculously cheap…
Stupid spam filter. Sorry your first one got caught… I’m working on it.
Yah, I had never seen a confederate flag except on TV before Carolina. Holy crap.
And really, who better to pee in front of than a million people you’re not likely to see again?
At least there were no cameras. *knocks on wood*
That is just awesome. You never cease to amaze me on Thursdays….
I am a champion.
seriously your description of the taste of that beer will forever be ingrained in my mind…lol
You are WELCOME!
lol!
even more so because I was hiking on Sunday and had to “relieve” myself in the bushes…can’t imagine the horror of having people watching!
At least you didn’t get poison ivy, like some of the other commenters…
lmao!!
Once in a drunken stupor I had my ex husband pull off the side of the road so i could TCOB. He and the 3 of his friends that were with us all decided might as well take part. Just in time for Mister Occifer to show up with his spot light and give us all “Urinating in Public” tickets. $89 bucks is a fat ticket when you living off Ramon noodles and beer. *sigh* So we all decided that we would “fight it” in court. The judge laughed and asked us what we had learned. My STUPID ex husband said “not to pee in public when a cops watching” *nice*. So he dropped all the charges and made us each do one hour of community service! Good times.
Best. Story. EVER!!!
I just got caught urinating in public less than 2 weeks ago. Oh yeah. And I’m 30 years old. Some of us never learn. Oops.
This is why I love you.
Yuck, just the description of that shit made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
*pats self on back*
hahahahahahahahha
”I depantsed, squatted, and relieved, probably quite audibly, if I know myself. I gave a little one-two-shake”
you are such a classy lady!
That’s “klassy” with a K.
Hahah, classic. (I just spent four days at a concert like that!)
Did you give anyone a show?
LOVE this story. SOooooo something I would do inavertently. LOVE the description of the beer. hahahaha…. gawd I love reading your TMI’s … I need to remember to write one soon. I always forget it’s Thursday.
Do it do it!!!
So many of my best, happiest and most memorable moments happened while I was drunk. What will I ever do without beer?
Life would be so barren without it!
Despite my drunkness, I usually can never bring myself to do it. LOL. You get a standing ovation from each and everyone of us, Lilu!:)
*takes a bow* Thank you, thank you.
Many a time, girl, many a time.
It happens!
Three of us blog about peeing (or not peeing in my case) today? What are the odds?!! lolz
It was a urine kinda day
Old fashioned roadkill stew? Have they updated that recipe lately? That is funny, I bet you were so schlitzed you didn’t give a crap eh?
“you were so schlitzed” YES!!! That is awesome!
I think that somewhere out there, there are still pictures of myself and other family members “streaming” in the woods on camping trips. My “lovely” stepfather was infamous for snapping those…
Oh, men. Of course.
ah. a lady after my own heart.
i speak popin’ a squat quite fluently.
especially in places where people are capable
of seeing.
I’m sorry, but at a concert, it is unavoidable.
That doesn’t explain all my other exploits, but still…
epic. that, my friend, is epic.
and who in the world doesn’t want to show all their business to a crowd of people?! it’s like, a natural instinct. [cue awkward face.] oh man, i feel for ya.
Awkward is my regular face.
HAHA! That’s hilarious. At least you’ll never see them again? hahahaha
Truth!
Wow, malt liquor. Your stock just went up.
Yessss. Invest now, people!
OMG. I don’t think I can *ever* do that, drunk or not! XD
You’d be surprised what a little Schlitz will make you do.
Have I mentioned how much i truly LOVE you!! Im totally a tried and TRUE country gal and this had me rolling on the floor in total laughter b.c i have a few stories like this!
-KS
Aw, you are the best, my dear. You should share them!
I bet there were 100 ladies in line at the same time, crossing their legs, whistling dixie, and wishing they could be as brave (drunk?) as you were!! I mean, sure, it was embarrassing.. but you no longer had to pee!!!
When I was in the military, I’d head out to the woods to avoid porta-potties that had been (ab)used by half a division of infantry types. Took some real land nav skills to find privacy sometimes. Nothing like being out behind a rock somewhere, finally finding a little relief, and have a chopper come over, find you, fly back, hover…. guys… :-p
Accidental moonings are the spice of life!
If you get high-fived, I’m not sure it counts as a Fail!
I think you may be right… we’ll have to check the rule book.
hahah. can’t say ive ever been caught…my boii do i hate peeing in the woods…esp when you always get on you. lmao!
And I ALWAYS do.
Omg! *lol with hand over mouth* I would have reacted the same way!!!
this girl I was on a first date with decided she had to pee right at the 17th and S Street park, on a busy Saturday night. Without any adequate bushes, she had me crouch with her facing her, ostensibly to offer a screen from others as she went about her business.
I had a similar situation on spring break in Panama — peeing in the corner outside Club Spinnaker with all the drunk spring breakers looking on, then proceding to drop my camera in the pool of pee. Absolute urinating fail!
Yes! Someone captured THAT moment! Rarely in life do we have such documentation of the embarrassing times. God bless that friend!
You should have high-fived them back!
ahahhahahah
I will never know how you drank Schlitz!
Awww, too bad you were unfamiliar with the pStyle back then! However, you would have been one less TMI Thursday post, so all’s well that ends well, right?
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