(***Pssst, hey… have you updated my feed in your reader yet?***)
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link (FYI- link has changed a bit!), so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***
FYI The text box html code has been fixed! Sorry about that…
Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…
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While walking home from brunch with B’s parents a few weeks ago…
(Well, correction. We had brunch with them, but they were NOT with us on the walk home. This is key.)
We also had a LOT of coffee.
(Also key.)
5 blocks from home:
B: I’m totally calling shotgun on the pooper, by the way.
LiLu: NO! You can’t! I’m dying over here!
B: It’s done. I called it. You have no idea what I’m going through.
LiLu: You don’t love me at all.
4 blocks from home:
LiLu: Seriously, I’m prarie doggin’! Can you at least be quick?
B: I mean, I’ll do my best. The act itself is probably going to be fast, but I’m thinking there’s going to be some major league wipeage involved.
LiLu: Oh my lord. This is bad. This is really bad.
3 blocks from home:
B: Maybe I can just do some perfunctory wiping and then just jump in the shower, that should increase your speed-to-pooping-time.
LiLu: Maybe I’ll just poop in the goddamn shower.
B: (Laughing) NO! You cannot poop in the shower. We’ll make it, baby, we’ll make it. Just keep walking!
An entire fleet of porta-potties is driven by us on flatbeds as we wait to cross the street.
B: Well, that’s just fucking torture.
LiLu: Seriously, we did something to make the baby Jeebus very angry. It was probably that you’re selfish and won’t let me poop first.
B: …..
I bet you’re wondering who won, huh?
Let’s just say it almost ended in a chimp-like fashion…
Okay, I just desperately searched every corner of the interwebs for a decent monkey-throwing-poo video, and came up EMPTY. Seriously??? How could you let me down like this, internets?! Please, someone prove me wrong!
Sigh. Instead, I present you with three most excellent poo-throwing games to get you through this lovely almost-Friday.
Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…
Zan’s TMI Thursday: Why I’m Stickin’ With Charmin
Patrick’s TMI Thursday: A Messy Cab Ride
Suburban Sweetheart’s TMI Thursday: Worst Date Ever. Beat This.
Jill Pilgrim’s The Number One Reason You Should Not Put A Used Dildo In Your Mouth
Stephanie’s TMI Thursday: At Least I Didn’t Drown
Mb’s The true definition of a vom bomb
BigSis’ TMI Thursday: You Say It’s Your Birthday
cavy’s TMI thursday: everybody poops
JFo’s TMI Thursday: I Know That Girl!
Jen’s TMI Thursday: oh Mickey, you’re so fine …
Sean’s TMI Thursday: Youthful Indiscretion
Jassie’s TMI Thursday- Busted
Lady Jane’s TMI Thursday: the bedside commode
mylittlebecky’s pee peezz in the hamper (TMIT)
Snow White’s Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi! My first TMI: Thursday post
Vittoria’s TMI Thursday: Whoever smelt it, I feel sorry for
Cheddar’s TMI Thursday: The Fart That Wasn’t
Just A Girl’s Returning to TMIT: A mini-confession and some poison
Shine’s TMI Thursday – In which I show you some pictures
MsDarkstar’s TMI Thursday – Whoa, BABY!
Lindsay’s TMI Thursday: Alicia and the wet spot
Taylor’s TMI Thursday: This is why I don’t give road head
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Games about throwing poo? My life is forever changed.
I am a giver.
Wow, I am speechless….I love your TMI Thursdays…
I am always grossed out but can’t stop reading.
And THAT’S what it’s all about! Fuck the hokey pokey.
Is prarie dogging the same thing as having a turtle-head?
Prairie doggin’, now linked for your educational pleasure…
PS
You and B were definitely made for each other!!! LOL!!!
No one denies this.
The key here is to agree, then get to the door and pretend to be all sweet (lemme get the door ipen for you! The quicker I get you in there, the quicker you’ll be done!), then unlock the door and run like hell to the bathroom! Then pat yourself on the back when you get there first…
Ooooo, sneaky sneaky… I LIKE.
Since you and B are not overweight individuals, you could have worked it out like this:
B on the toilet, legs spread.
You straddling him, ankles at his ears, tipped slightly backward so your bum is aimed at the space his 5 hole made, him holding onto your shirt (or hair, I’m not judging) so you don’t fall backwards.
If you both do it right, your anus’s will both be aimed at the water and you can fire away.
Courtesy flushing is a must.
Also, if he gets a hard on and it slips in there, that would be a blumpkin to the next level.
Since I had to link prairie doggin’, I think I’d better just go ahead and link blumpkin right now…
I’m too horrified at Mike’s comment to write my own.
That’s fair. I tried to keep him in his cage, but he gets out every once in a while…
Hahaha oh man…
Coffee makes me poop too. Something to do with lubricating up my innards, I think. Suddenly it just wants to come out and you better be near a receptacle when it does. Yup. It’s like a pleasant enema.
“A pleasant enema” has got to be the TMI phrase of the day.
Um. Your blog didn’t scare me.
Mike’s comment…did.
You know when someone is more twisted than me… they’re, uh, really twisted.
Prairie dogging – my favorite part!
Mike’s comment may give me nightmares.
*May*? I already had one and I’m at my desk at work.
Think outside the box, people. You must have passed some toilets on the way home, no? Great way to meet the…umm…neighbours.
I should ask HONGREE AND PREGNANT where she goes.
Hey LiLu
My comment seems to be upstaging your TMI blog entry. I apologize. I won’t hold it against you if you delete it
Never. I still hold the female crown… or I at least share it with Maxie.
That’s EXACTLY why Hubby and I bought a house with a bath and 1/2. We’ve had that EXACT (well, not quite – we didn’t discuss the shower) conversation!! But now one of us will say, “Upstairs or down?”
Never heard the term prairie doggie though! Love it and will use it as much as possible!
Prairie doggin’s my favorite (phrase, not action), but you can also have a “turtle head,” as Sapphire so kindly mentioned…
You shoulda just found some bushes….haven’t you ever seen Friday? Smokey knows.
There’s only cement where I am… I should probably plant some shrubbery for this very purpose.
A SHRUBBERY!!!
Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I actually have something to share that pertains to this!
So my husband S works with a guy named A. A few years ago, which would make A well in his 20s, guys being guys were sharing poop stories at work. They began talking *strategically* about how to clean up after themelves and decided *front to back* was indeed the best way to go. A was stunned…”how do you do that???” he asked. Um…duh. A explained it would be very hard to do so when you’re *in the position* “HUH?” the guys asked. Turns out A, poor, poor A, had been taking a dump, all these years…standing up. I kid you not, whoever potty trained A, taught him to stand – hovering over the toilet….Who does that???
p.s. so right about the Frosty commercial – I played it like 5 more times after my comment!!! Today I shall pass, poop stories do not want to make me *get frosty*
Whaaaaaaaa… you have actually shocked me into silence. Someone take a picture… this does not happen often.
What did I call prairie dogging the other day? When we were hung over.
I can’t remember, but I remember it being funny.
My brain is shot.
Seriously, mine is still broken from Saturday. That’s the last time we bring our own wine bottles to the movies.
LOL, I had to come back to see your reply.
I’ve shared this with some people and they’re ALWAYS in disbelief and ask if I made it up. Yeah…like I really have *the mind* to make this stuff up – I didn’t even think that was possible. Let alone that some guy could live through his 20s being so…gosh, don’t even have the word.
Lesson leanred: 1st step in potty training: Sit Down.
Unfreaking believable. Didn’t he read “Everybody Poops”??? And notice that, yanno, the kid is SITTING DOWN in the pictures??
those porta potties…i would have hijacked the truck! TURDMERGENCY!
TURDMERGENCY is my new favorite of all favorite words. I fucking love you.
Mike’s comment didn’t scare me because…um…I thought the same thing, only not in such graphic detail. I wouldn’t actually DO it, but I thought it. Ahem.
Also, I sort of look forward to my morning post-coffee-poo. Like Vegetable Assassin said, it’s like an enema only a lot easier.
Don’t feel bad… poo-related graphic detail is his specialty.
Why I know you are B are right for each other: you have your poop cycles in sync.
Like women and their periods!
That got weird.
This is why one of you should wear an adult diaper at all times.
NOT IT.
I guess it isn’t always the best part of waking up.
They are LIARS, those Folger’s people…
chuck’s always asking if he can pee between my legs while i’m, yanno… haven’t tried it yet. but we do always have contests about whose sitchu is worser. i’m going to start shotgunning the toilet. that’s a great idea!
Wait… that “yanno” is a big one… #1 or #2???
I’m thinking you need to publish a book on the conversations you and B have. I could then buy it and use it as a dating-how-to. Give it to “all my suitors” (as one of my lovely readers wrote) and have them sign a contract that this is how fun our love will be.
So true. Only fun for the people who think poop is hilarious, though… oh, wait, that’s THE WHOLE WORLD except Lemmonex…
Adult diapers are no good. Someone needs a butt flap on their pants. That way there’s no waddling in the packed diaper for blocks.
Dibs on the butt flap. I could just wear my feety pajamas…
The comments on this post are almost as good as the post. Your readers crack me the F up.
They are my favorite part about this lil old place.
Mike’s solution is viable, but I have one better – PORTA POTTY…..
and…I’m happy you didn’t suggest shitting in the sink or litter box…
Hahaha- it’s funny that you say that, because I actually HAVE suggested the litter box before when we were in a similar predicament…
Hahaha- that is hilarious. I often curse the fact the we only have one bathroom.
What curse do you use? I’m a fan of the cruciatus, myself…
Yes, I’m seeing Harry Potter tonight. Why do you ask?
Hahaa, a truckload of port-a-potties is classic luck…
Honestly, I couldn’t make that shit up. AND it made us laugh so hard there was almost an “accident”…
You know, how some movies you expect something like a comedy, but you get a love story? I expected TMI and got how good your relationship is. I don’t think I could have a similar conversation with any of my exes. Then again, every place I’ve lived in since I was 3 has had more than one toilet.
That is definitely the sweetest comment I’ve ever gotten on a TMIT post… the couple who jokes about poop together, stays together! <3
C hates when I say prairie doggin…i on the other hand still thinks it’s hilarious every time i say it
Correction… you *know* it’s hilarious.
My fave prarie doggin’ (sorry for adding the ‘g’ earlier. lol) definition
when youre sittin’ on a cushion and u feel somethin’ pushin’,
thats prairie doggin.
Mike is one seriously f’d up individual. I don’t even want to know what a blumpkin is (as I’m on my way to click the link).
That one doesn’t even make sense. I love it too.
This has so happened to me on a regular basis. Like when I’m walking home from work and should have just gone before I left.
That walking, I tell ya, it gets things MOVING.
I know. We should probably all invest in some segways…
Why does it never fail that I find potty humor funny every single time?!? hahaha
Because you have a KICKASS sense of humor.
Ok. I’m done. D.O.N.E
You clicked on blumpkin, didn’t you?
Seriously…who can compete with you on TMI!!!!
I did post one today..
http://janetrippinthroughlife.blogspot.com/2009/07/tmi-thursday-bedside-commode.html
You rock, my dear
As do you! Glad to see you’re back in action, my dear!
Hahaha! Oh … wuv, twue wuv.
Or something like it…
OH yeah Marie’s suggestion about the adult diapers? Don’t do that. My ex and his friends bought them, and then purposely shit them because that’s the kind of idiot I was dating, and he informed me that they are Pee-Only Diapers.
Who the fuck would make “Pee-Only Diapers”??? So weird.
Not as weird as someone buying them for fun, though…
Reading tales like this makes me VERY glad that my hubby and I now live in a place with two bathrooms! LOL
My jealousy knows no bounds. Sigh.
You guys kill me everytime!!! lol
Ha, thank you my dear. We kill me too.
In my search, I have found nothing beyond a few shittastic videos less than 30 seconds. The only two that were longer one was actual a 2girls1cup reaction vid and the other was just (blurry) pictures in a slideshow.
I would do a wider search but the fear of Rule 34 stops me. The tubes are a horrible place.
I know. Though I’m not sure I’m making them any less scary…
ok, that train of port-o-poties was just wrong! torture.
(throwing poo at you)
xo
(giggle giggle) *flings poo back*
Great. Now I have to poo right now. Coincidence? I think not.
Come to think of it…
Twinsies!
Have you EVER written a TMI Thursday that doesn’t make me wanna vomit all over everything in site???!
Well… then it wouldn’t be TMI! Doy.
Sight. Though “site” works quite well in this case, eh? Badumchhh.
Love how you didn’t even have the energy for the ‘ching’.
I must click the blumpkin link when not at the front desk. And the others. Shoulda stole a porta potty to keep in the living room incase it ever happens again. Also it’d be a good conversation starter/place to chill for privacy.
It’s just text, no pictures… you could probably go for it if you wanted to. Just try not to throw up on your keyboard.
http://lolmonkeys.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/poopthrowing.bmp
I love you.
YESSSS!!! I knew you’d come through for me! Woot!
So glad someone else fights with their SO about this.
The one thing I told my boyfriend about our future is that if we’re getting married, etc – we need to have a home with separate bathrooms. I’ll sleep on a bunkbed if that’s what it takes.
Agreed. Forget “his and her” sinks… I want TOILETS!!!
I am so glad that I know you both because it makes these sort of things THAT much funnier.
One of these days I am going to get something like this on video…
OMG, that was freaking hilarious and totally sounds like a conversation M and I would have. Seriously. That was so funny. Must forward this to him now.
Haha awesome! It always makes me happy/feel more sane to know that there are others out there like us…
Ye need another poop room darlin!
House upgrade asap! ;0)
We are moving in a month… I wish an extra bathroom was in the budget!
It’s so not fair to shotgun the toilet from 5 blocks away. I think the car rule applies – you have to be able to see it. Then it would have been an out and out knock down race to the bathroom.
GENIUS. I am so calling that next time!!
i must know who won. also, moving? to where? because we are moving too! together, and then not. maybe we’ll be SUPER close neighbors and you could just use MY bathroom (there will be 2 in the new house)
Honestly, this battle is such a common occurrence with us… I don’t really remember.
We are moving, but have NO idea where yet. Only that our rent went up and that ain’t gonna fly. Le sigh.
I hope you won. I really do. To have to hold that poo in that much longer would be hell and THEN to follow it up w/ having to sit in his poo stench would be pure torture. Please tell me you won. You are a speed walking pro and all (although I’m sure the turtle head probably held you back a notch).
Nonsense. The turtle head propels me!
You two seriously need a second bathroom. Maybe you could steal one of those port-a-potties you passed on the street…
Don’t put it past us…
It’s definitely a pooping day in TMI Thursday. You, and Cavy. LOL.
Poop everywhere!
Gross.
Hahahaha ! Mommy Mommy Moooommy !! I learned a new word on LiLu’s blog today .. PRAIRIEDOGGIN’ !! Oh, good times, I can just imagine her face when I share this piece (turd) of information with her
Also, you could attach a bucket to B’s butt-flap .. in a horse-like manner ! Poopin’ is now available to all
Your mother is never going to forgive me…
I have to admit, my first thought was omg, would she seriously poop in the bathroom while he was in there taking a shower?!
And that was thought with awe, not judgment. Because Nick and I will share a lot of TMI with each other, but poop in front of each other? Not happening.
Hmmm. That is a good question… probably, if I was drunk. Call it a special bond, if you will…
We move a lot and the first place I go to check in any new potential residence is the bathrooms! And yes, it must be plural. Wonder why I am so worried about it? Not that I’ve actually been in a one bath place and had the plumbing go out… but it’s a paranoia that won’t go away. Kinda like worrying about driving off of a bridge… I’ve never actually done so, but it would be bad – so I prefer the window down when crossing long bridges. (And no. My tinfoil hat is not too tight, thank you.)
I was going to ask if you’d make ME one… not if it was too tight
Yay for poop! Also, this is the best I’ve got:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg2AezJo8aQ&feature=related
In related news, a chimpanzee at the Chattanooga Zoo ate his poop in front of us. The redneck kids nearby were very confused. Let’s hope they didn’t try it later.
Chattanooooooga is fun to say. Poop is not fun to eat.
Silly rednecks. Poop is for monkeys.
OMG reason #45678 why I’m over being single. Poop throwing. And um Mike’s comment=AMAZING.
I want to throw poop at Chris Brown.
I once dated/lived with this douche who showered after every single time he went. So I had to tack on an additional 15 minutes…not cool.
I love your FACE HOE.
At first, I thought that said “I love your face HOLE.” And I was a little confused, but not nearly as disturbed as I should have been, because it’s you. xo
hahahha, omg. TMI Thursdays, lol. Poop away girl poop away.
liliesandgrapes.blogspot.com
I need a T shirt that says “poop away”…
I hate you. Actually I just hate myself for being so dumb! Being dumb enough to read a story with “wipeage” in it whilst eating my lunch!! I physically gagged when I read the word in the context of the story. Lesson learned: no TMI stories during lunch on Thursday
Not reading me while eating, EVER, is pretty much a good rule of thumb…
We could not get by with one bathroom. Divorce city. My bathroom is practically my office.
Filing cabinet and all?
Yes, two bathrooms is definitely a must. And how strangely ironic that a truck of port o pots drove past you! You couldn’t make this stuff up…..
If I could, I would have written a book by now…
You could have at least posted the monkey smelling his finger and falling off the branch! That’s always good for a laugh.
And true love knows no bowels.
Something tells me you didn’t pull that out of thin air… off to youtube I go.
I love that I have 3 bathrooms in my house, && that there is 2 in LB’s. I think I would die if I had to fight for the toilet. Good thing he doesn’t go often! Plus, I take forever. I read Xbox Magazine or I’m on the laptop IMing pple. I don’t have problems, I swear.
I know. It was the best thing ever when I got my Blackberry… bringing the whole laptop into the BR is a little awkward.
Not that I didn’t do it…
Prairie-dogging? We call them “turtle-heads”.
Potato, po-prairie dog.
There would have been no debate. I ALWAYS WIN AND for good reason (lol)!
You need a two bathroom apartment it makes life grand!!!!
Oh, I know how to throw some ‘bows if I need to…
i’ve had a very similar conversation/walk with my b before but it was over peeing. it ended in b asking if he could just pee b/w my legs. nope, i wasn’t having that. luckily, it’s much easier to pee outside then to poo (but we have a little camping shovel for emergencies).
You are the second person to say their bf asked to do that. WTF?? Even I think that’s a bit much.
Oh, who am I kidding. I’ll probably post that next week.
HAHhahahah .. Didn’t I tell you Lilu .. no eat no drinks while reading ur blog .. but not because of gross nature , because it catches me off guard EVERY time and I laugh so hard till the tears no longer form .. compose my sore stomach and finish reading and laughing ..
and omg !!! i so want his/hers johns YES !!! which also will have automatic air freshening system !! Look out HGTV
HGTV?? Hell no, my show is going on E! or bust! Gotta be with all the other trashy trash… though I guess Bravo would do. They did step it up with Real Housewives.
Holy shit. You two are hilarious! The porta-potties incident was too much. I thought things like this only happened to us.
This is why it must be shared. So that we know WE ARE NOT ALONE.
I meeesed you! But I’m back… and perfect timing for a poo related story. We have friends that think we’re oddly obsessed with bodily functions… I think they’re oddly un-obsessed.
Yayyyyy welcome home! You know I will never judge your obsessions here… only support you in them. Too much, at times.
Thanks for sharing. This I really needed to know!
I am here for you, my child.
Have you not played these games? The first one is my favorite.
1. http://puzzlefarter.com
2. http://www.kongregate.com/games/Rete/dont-shit-your-pants
I’m going to save these for Monday when I’m at work… probably not the smartest thing to do, but we gotta get through these days somehow…
Hunny and i have this very fight EVERY time we head home from a meal, too. No Joke! Luckily, my sister lives above me, and i have a spare key, so i usually go ‘punish’ her toilet while hunny ‘punishes’ mine… (punish=Australian slang for, well, you know)… we’re sexy, what can i say??
I am SO going to start saying ‘punish’ for that… it is so appropriate!
This is pretty tame compared to other TMI’s but seriously who won?!?
Let’s just say, he is a gentleman.
Oh gosh!! You guys really had this convo? weirdos! hehe. And I like the idea of a “throw poop at Chris brown” game. that’s for major win!!
But if we weren’t this weird, it wouldn’t be entertaining…
OMG-That was hilarious. Thanks for much for the LOL!! You crazy kids!
Ain’t love grand?
My favorite crap story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUdHMkE5Qdk
I am scared… but I am clicking…
OH MY GOD. How has B not made me watch that before?! Hahaha!
LMAO! Awesome! Been there done that. For sure.
So glad I’m not alone.
YEY. I found it! I always win the poop throw down. I fight dirty.
Hee hee… get it? Fight ‘dirty’? Poop ‘throw’ down?
This is EXACTLY why when The Mister and I bought our house we had to have two toilets no matter WHAT. And when we were sans a bathroom due to the flood, we definitely had fights like that.
I hear ya. Unfortunately, an 800 sf one bedroom does not lend itself to two bathrooms…
You guys should have pooped in your hands and chucked it at tourists!
You always have the BEST freaking ideas. *Files away for next time I’m walking by the White House*
You guys are clearly made for each other
For better or for worse…
Women should always be able to go first. Our poop doesn’t smell, ya know.
What?
Mine smells. Like goddamn ROSES, that is.
you and B have the most outrageous and honest conversations ever. Dear God please can i find a man like this!also please talk to baby Jeebus and ask him not to punish Lilu and B with bowel problems at the same time whent hey only hve 1 loo.that is all:)
“Outrageous and honest”… that about sums it up. And I think bowels should be off limits when it comes to God’s anger, don’t you?
Ew. You never fail.
Oh and I’m sending some Blogging love your way!
Yessss I already stopped by! Thank you so much hon.
I thought the phrase was “I’ve got a turtle poking it’s head out”, but I guess “I’m prairie doggin’” works too. It’s shorter anyway.
To each their own. As I am lazy I prefer the latter.
I crack up about the way you too go on about poop. You kids are so romantic. I still have to call it different things around my husband, even after I accidently poo’d in bed during a bad bought of the flu. You’d think it would make things easier after that!
ahahahhahahaah OMG!! That was fucking hilarious!!!
Any real relationship needs a conversation like this one! Ha. Been there, done that. It’s love.
I came way via TouchingJoy. Holy crap that was freaking halarious! I think i just might have to join this here hub bub about TMI Thursdays, or at least follow you and LMAO!
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