(And if you see this post in your reader but can’t see the website, try clearing your cache. I know, I’m so high-maintenance…)
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***
Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…
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Today I’m going to take you back to what I honestly believe was the most uncomfortable moment of my young life.
(And for once, it wasn’t my fault. Try that on for size.)
I’ve mentioned my high school boyfriend, Teddy, a couple times on here, most notably from the “Little Red Corvette” incident. We actually met because I was his little brother (LB’s) camp counselor one summer, and when LB talked me up to his big bro, Teddy looked me up at school that fall and liked what he saw. What can I say? I make hot jailbait.
Now, there was a big age difference between Teddy and LB. Like, an “Well, THAT was clearly not planned” kinda difference. LB was eight when I met him, and obviously Teddy was 17, as I am not into little boys that way. [Insert tasteless Michael Jackson joke here.]
Teddy and I spent a lot of time in his basement, where he and his dad could smoke pot in peace. (90% of my boyfriends’ dads have been potheads. I don’t know either.)
Anyhoosits, one evening Teddy was playing video games while I looked on and pretended to care (actually, I got pretty good at Tekken 3, using my foolproof method of PUSH ALL THE BUTTONS AT ONCE AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND IN RANDOM YET SEEMINGLY LETHAL COMBINATIONS. Pissed the boys off to no end when I’d beat them). LB was sitting on the floor watching his big bro kick some alien ass, or whatever the game was that day, and I probably was reading a “book” or something, which I used to do occasionally in those days.
Teddy paused the game and went upstairs to expell his pee-sack. As the haunting music of Doom emanated from the TV, I noticed another noise in the room… an odd and fervored rustling coming from at my feet.
I looked over my book at the floor, and LB was spread eagle on the ground with one hand, well, underneath him, slowly thrashing back and forth in an odd humping motion.
For a second, I was puzzled. I mean, I’d never seen a grown man buffing the banana, never mind an EIGHT YEAR OLD.
In plain sight. WHILE I WAS IN THE SUDDENLY VERYVERY SMALL ROOM.
I wanted to say something… no, wait, that’s a lie. The LAST thing I wanted was to say something. I pulled my book up to my face, shuddered in disgust when he finally eeked out a little *gasp* of satisfaction, and never, ever, EVER said a word about it to him, Teddy, or the good Lord watching over us.
Thank the baby Jeebus I’m not a Catholic. I don’t know how on EARTH I would ever confess that to a priest, anyway.
Though, they probably wouldn’t think it was a sin… BOO YAH!
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Other awesomely bad TMI posts this week…
Caviandra’s TMI thursday: snip, snip, gush.
Sassy Little Ginger’s TMI Thursday: How Do You Like Your Toast, Princess?
Zan’s TMI Thursday: That Which Is Lost…Will Be Found Again…
Hannah-Lane’s you want TMI?
Sebastian’s Where I’ve been with only one pair of boxer shorts
Mb’s Tainted: One TFLN and Urbandictionary entry at a time.
Stephanie’s TMI Thursday: We Should Totally Go Drinking Together
iNDefatigable mjenks’ TMI Thursday: The Bee that Roared
Just Playing Pretend’s TMI Thursday- ipod Challenge Vlog Style
Maxie’s TMI Thursday: Brown Noser
Sean’s TMI Thursday: Not Quite Bobby Fischer
BigSis’ TMI Thursday: Some Random TMI From the Delivery Room
Pilgrim Jill’s From Before Marriage, A Cautionary Tale
Liebchen’s Revisiting TMIs past
Sarah’s Oh, so that’s a city in Germany?
Courtney’s TMI: Or possibly Not Enough Information… (NEI)
mylittlebecky’s big girl poops (tmit)
ChinkyGirLMeL’s Letting Off Some Steam
shine’s TMI Thursday – Please keep your penis to yourself.
Lisa’s TMI Thursday: Not for the poo-averse
RachelSmiles’ TMI Thursday: I have a confession to make.
JFo’s TMI Thursday: Texts from Whenever
LifeRehab’s TMI Thursday Quickies
crazyassmomma’s TMI THURSDAY….i dont know….but she’s pretty….
Jen’s TMI Thursday! The Tale of the Restroom Romp
Krystyna Elizabeth’s tmi thursday: illness edition.
MsDarkstar’s TMI Thursday – Dubious Treasures
Lindsay’s TMI Thursday: this story is about a friend and some poop.
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Wow! So much entertainment in one room…and all interactive. Lucky girl.
I know, right? It’s like a scratch ‘n sniff! Wait… WTF?
Please tell me orange shag carpeting was involved. And one of those strangely comfortable, but still ass ugly brown couches. Then my vision of this will be complete.
Orange *shag* carpet?? Gettit? Snort.
Why would you have to confess it, anyway? It’s not like you — oh, right, Catholics: overarching sense of guilt that we are responsible for other people’s sins.
Hey – so, if I resubscribe to your blog, shouldn’t Google Reader start, y’know, reading it?
Sigh. Yes. I don’t know WTF is going on. Hopefully it will be fixed shortly…
And here I thought I was a late bloomer for not doing it until the 8th grade. Wow, was I behind the times.
I know! I was all, how does he even know he HAS one of those yet?? Guess he played “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”…
Most TMIs don’t phase me, but I can’t even begin to describe how disturbing this story is for the mother of a 9 year old boy. All hail the queen of TMI!
I figured this one might bother some of my mommies…
i’m just going say, at least he wasn’t staring at you for “help”
Oh, VOMIT. Well done.
8 years old? WTF? Back in the day, I had to find my Dad’s playboy stash and I had to be 13+. Couldn’t reach the top of hte closet before then.
Ahh, the age of the interwebs. So much knowledge and so much porn. In a few years, this will be diagnosed as “Early Onset Pumping His Man”
And I’m sure they’ll find some way to relate it to ADHD.
RIGHT THERE NEXT TO YOU?!?!?!? omg. wtf.
Scarred for life, I tell ya. Or at least against having kids.
Awk-ward. At least Chris Hansen didn’t come storming in with the To Catch a Predator crew.
At least we were both minors… HEYOOOOOO
Disturbing MUCH?! Oh and um, as a Catholic myself, let’s just say you wouldn’t need to repeat any of that to a priest. Ya know cause of the whole Catholic priests and little boys…
Ok now I’m definitely going to hell.
By the way, I love the new digs on wordpress! And I did hover my mouse over my blog’s link to see if you really did write what you said you would write. Fracking hilarious! I love it!
I love that you just said “Fracking”. And thanks
um, awkward. i’m picturing this going down in the That 70′s Show basement. not sure why….
my stepmom caught her son (6 at the time) and his friend measuring themselves in the bathroom a few years ago. how the hell do they figure this shit out so soon???
Oh my hell… youth these days… the world is a scary place.
Wow…
OK, so that’s more disturbing and embarrassing than all of my stories combined.
You surely have lived a very interesting life, Miss Lilu.
Also, what if LB reads this blog…?
He knows what he did.
Huzzah! The feed works!
It’s a lovely new place, dear.
I know! Finally. Thanks, love.
I’m scarred for life. And I wasn’t even there.
Blech. Gag. Yuck. Vomit.
While you were in the ROOM? Why for the lovagod?
“Lovagod”: my new favorite word.
So awk. Who knew there was an urge to do that at 8. In front of people. Without shame.
I sure didn’t want to. Know that!
oh my word! *scratches mental eyes out to remove mental image*
This is me not blaming you… at all.
No…no no no. I think this is all I ever say to TMI Thursday.
Now, I’ll admit, I figured out the whole masturbating thing pretty young (read: seven), but I knew better than to do it in front of anyone! Geez, kid, have some sense.
Maybe it was the pot fumes. Let’s blame it on the pot fumes.
HAHAHAH. Ihave been reading your blog for a couple weeks now. Love the TMI Thursdays!
So, sounds like LB had a little crush on you!
Aw, yay! Thanks so much! And I’m not sure if him having a crush would make that better… or worse. Was that his idea of foreplay? Cause he’s gonna disappoint a lotta women…
omg! shame shame shame on that kid. lols… well at least he wasn’t rubbing up against your leg and trying to jerk off at the same time. lols…yikes…scary thought!
That would have elicited more of a reaction. PROMISE.
I guess I didn’t realize they started that young either. That makes being a 5th grade teacher MUCH more disturbing.
You’re WELCOME!!!
Wow. I think at 8 he should have known better. What a messed up kid…
I read some strippers tell all thing on the internet where at some bachelor party the 18 year old brother of the groom got wasted and started going at it right there in front of everyone. HAHA!
This is my surprised face. Sigh.
That is most definitely disturbing. Also, pretty gross. I’m going to go with mainly gross. Top ten in visuals-I-never-want-to-encounter-in-real-life.
I’m glad to hear we share a video game strategy. I nearly broke a controller, but dammit I will push those buttons at random until something happens. Unfortunately, I learned this does not work for guitar hero.
This is why I quit video games. What fun are they if you actually have to LEARN stuff?
Dude, you have totally managed to make my Thursdays so much better.
Here is my contribution: http://pilgrimcongress.com/2009/07/from-before-marriage-a-cautionary-tale/
Got it! Awesome sauce.
8????
Is that even possible?
Believe it, my friend.
I used to love Tekken. Maybe one of the best video games to come out of the 90′s.
DEFINITELY. The bear scared me though. I loved being the chick and digging my stiletto into my opponent’s neck.
I’ve said too much.
If I ever saw any of my campers doing that…or, really, any child at all…
Ugh. I feel dirty just after reading this.
(On a different note, yay for the new site!)
You KNOW the crazy shiz that goes on at camp, too…
PUSH ALL THE BUTTONS AT ONCE AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND IN RANDOM YET SEEMINGLY LETHAL COMBINATIONS has also always been my tactic when playing fighter games.
It is foolproof. Obviously. I used it, after all…
Wait. I wasn’t finished commenting! lolz
How is it you have all these ridiculously embarrassing stories to tell? You have more than like anyone I know!
I always think I’ve run out, and then someone says something that triggers a deep repressed memory…
Wow. Awkward. The worst things happen to you!
And I didn’t even realize I was picturing this happening in the That’s SO 70s basement until I read GingerMandy’s comment.
I know! With that ugly couch… I can just see Kelso watching, too. (WTF?)
Ah button mashing – the only way to play video games.
Button mashing is also how I refer to masturbating so this post worked out great.
That phrase works even better for a girl…
Oh my god…I would have NO idea what to do in that situation either. He HAD to know what was up.
Seriously!
What was “up”… gettit… (groan)
Hiyeee me again. Just did a post on TMI Thursday. But definitely isn’t as funny as your horrific story. lols
Yay! That’s probably for the best… I don’t know how much more truly GROSS this world can handle.
That is seriously fucked up. I feel a bit nauseated after reading that. Oy.
Like you expected anything less from me?
wowyuckgrossnoewewewewew….
1. I have to agree with cavy and say that at least he was face down…
2. There are few strategies, if ANY, that are as effective and frustrating to the boys as the Girl-Mashing-Button technique. Well played.
If he was face up, I would have RUN. I probably should have anyways… but, yanno, didn’t want to disturb. I’m kind like that.
Eight!?? I’ve heard – since learning I’m having a boy – that boys find their penises really early and are fascinated by them immediately. But still, I had no idea! Eight!
I’m sure yours will be NOTHING like him. xo
OH that is SO disturbing! What was he thinking?!?
The best part was, I was around for the next two years or so. AWK. No more incidents, at least…
Button-mashing! We worked so hard at learning all the up-down-A-B-select-up moves and you come in with your mashing and destroy us every time.
But I remember the first time I buffed the banana. And it was in the quiet shame of a locked room like it’s supposed to be the first time when you’re not even sure it’ll work.
I’ll button mash you into next week!
First, uh, zip your fly, though…
I had an incident like that while I was babysitting once. You just have to turn the other way and pretend like it didn’t happen.
Thank god. You are the first person to say anything like “Me too”… I was beginning to think I was all alone.
Oh, man, that’s so gross. There are some things no one wants to see. EVER. Ick. You were a nice person not to say anything. Not that I would have even known *what* to say in that situation…
I don’t think I want to meet the person who DOES know what to say in that situation…
Welcome to WP! I see you are using the Thesis theme- let me know if it’s worth the cash money!
To be honest, I wouldn’t really know what to compare it to, since it’s my first WP… but I will say that it is ENORMOUS LEAPS AND BOUNDS over Blogger. Amen.
Oh wow, thank god you had a book to hide your face.
Yeah. Pretty much the worst silver lining ever…
“the gasp of satisfaction” was my favorite part! fabulous! and gross. mostly gross.
I have a doctorate in grossocity.
Why do I keep thinking about an excerpt from the book Running with Scissors and the little boy in his birthday suit allowing the dog to provide him with a little oral pleasure?
I KNOW. I should not make jokes about this with our cats… but I do. Look surprised.
Ya know .. . I am hearing a lot of different views from these above comments .. but do they realize YOU have had to suffer with this TMI fact over the last 5 years !!! LMAO just playing guys
bless your heart Lilu .. you just have that quality .. the one where even LB’s want you hot ass !!! .. life can be tough for the beauty queen’s in this world .. I mean that in a complimental tone
xoxox
If that was a come on, Lord help that poor, poor little boy.
I DON’T UNDERSTAND. did he forget you were there? did he not care? did the spirit move him and he was unable to say no? I AM AT A LOSS.
And by “the spirit” do we mean one of the animated creatures in the video game? Because seriously, WHAT INSPIRED HIM???
I kicked ass at slappers only 007 with that technique.
**my little nephew had some excitement in his pants when I changed his diaper once. But I seriously think it’s because he likes laying under my ceiling fan when I change his diaper…You know a breeze and stuff.
Sure. That gentle, tickling sensation… I get it. So long as he didn’t squirt ya
Holy crap! 8 year olds are such weirdos.
We can only hope ours skip straight from 7 to 9, someday.
Face down? Huh. Weird. I baby sat boys for years and years, and never had this particular experience. I think you’re a perv magnet.
Well, that certainly would explain B… *snarf*
HAHAHA wow, that’s awesome. I wonder what LB is up to now! Thanks for the description, because the room felt even smaller when i read it!
It was a teeny, TINY room. Just sayin’.
Haha, wow. I’m sorry you’ve had to live with that image for so long.
So am I, dear… so am I.
Wow, that’s so much more than a little creepy! WEIRD!
I know. I hope he’s “better” now… wherever he is.
I don’t even know what to say about that one…. mine’s posted!!
On my way…
ROTFLMFAO
i am suddenly very very happy for the fact that i do not have SONS.
good lord.
BTW — got a TMI on my site too
I would be, too… thanks for playing!
hahahaha awesome!!!! I started at 6 and I did have an audience with my older female cousins, the good thing is that at the satisfaction point, nothing comes out.
Makes things less messy for all.
Yay for him!
Gross. Freaking gross.
Oh wow. How uncomfortable. I probably would have reacted the same way but felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable around him for awhile afterwords.
I know. For like, TWO YEARS.
yay, congrats on a successful move! i’ve updated everything accordingly.
Aw, thanks love! Feel like home
WTF? Dirty little bastard.
Your new home is great, I love what you’ve done with the place. Still smells like…vanilla candles and sin.
VANILLA AND SIN. I fucking love you.
I love that picture! That creepy little LB definitely needs to go through the extra-dirty cycle.
I know. I was equal parts glee and horrified when I saw it.
Welcome to WordPress darlin’.
One day I need to share my experience when someone masturbating for the first time.
The Catholic in me cries a little at the ending.
I kid.
Now THAT sounds like a rainy day kinda story…
And thanks, love.
OK, I need some time to process that.
In the meantime, you and I share the same Tekken technique — GO US!
And I love that you switched to WordPress. <3
Oh, so do I. I am so happy… so very, very happy right now.
shit, i thought i was the only one who perfected that touching the buttons fast and rocking a game trick.
I kicked ASS at Mortal Kombat that way. I always got sheevas special move w/o having the slightest idea how i did it.
I know! And it made them sooooooooooo mad. = PRICELESS.
that is so funny!
i tell my kindergarten students (who don’t understand that nap time is a time to rest their body, not mess with their body)
“that is a home activity”
Great… just do me a favor, and specify that it’s ALSO an *alone* activity…
WOW! WTF? Ahh, to be 8 again.
It is a special year for some, apparently.
oh good god!
i think i’d be slightly disgusted. eight? umm…
he shouldn’t know such behavior. or shouldn’t
be acting in such behavior.
i’d probably vomit.
There was gurgling, to be sure. Gak.
Holy shit. Eight? Kids grow up so fast these days.
I know, man. WTF??
Hahaha with the expelling of the pee-sack. But the TMIT portion has now made me think that I better be wary of 8 year old boys.
TRUTH. Maybe they molested Michael!!
GROSS. Wow. I think I need to wash my face.
Can’t say I blame you. Did he get some on ya?
oh man that’s awful. what was he thinking!? eek.
That’s between him and his God… I really don’t want to know.
stopping by from 20sb…that was too much information. This youngster is clearly a child prodigy of um… banana buffing, way ahead of his time. anyway, you just got yourself another reader. cheers!
Hahaha- well, I’m glad to hear that, at least! A warm welcome to ya
He was only 8?! That’s an ew moment, for sure. Ecchhh. I can’t stop shuddering.
I hope you could at least get past that vision to have some fun with his cute older brother, hee-hee.
No comment… WINK
I wonder if you were the only one. Like, did he wait until he was alone with someone and then decide to just go at it? Maybe he did that with all guests/friends/family when he was alone with them. Could be some kind of a creepy flasher or something now!
I did lose a trench coat there once…
OMG. I have a ten-year-old son.
*blargggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
But I give lil’ man props for being bold enough to do it in front of you.
I think you are the only one…
Shit…8yrs old! Damn I can’t imagine…
Least he didn’t call out your name, right?
Thank god, no. That may have ended the relationship… Ew.
HEY I press all the buttons on the controls, too!! Who has the time to really think of badass punch-jump-kick combinations, right?
And omg, I used to call my ex’s younger brother LB too, on my blog. I keep getting images now. =\
Ooo… so sorry to have planted that image…
i am literally at a loss for words.
silence was probably the best option. he was probably wanking to you!
Oh, how I pray you are wrong…
“Thank the baby Jeebus I’m not a Catholic. I don’t know how on EARTH I would ever confess that to a priest, anyway.”
Really! Ahahahhahahahahha
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